 Hello, and welcome to this edition of quality of life. I'm your host Dave Augustine today We are talking about a special type of a program if you want to call it It's called safe haven for babies and joining us today. Who's part of this is Corey Selkirk. Hi there, Corey Welcome to the show. Thank you This was a unique I think this is a unique show that we're covering Because I wasn't sure what to title it, you know based on you know What you're doing what you'll get into I thought of just calling it Corey because it's I think it's such a unique Thing that you're doing that, you know, I've never really heard about it, you know as far as how it's going. So Again, I just want to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule and coming on the show and talking to us about it It's great. So and it's good to see you again from working way back. So Let's start out with your background, you know, what type of education have you had? I attended Madison area technical college back in 1985-86 and I graduated from there in 1988 and I'm a registered nurse have been for almost 28 years Nice. Are you practicing or nursing anywhere? Are you pretty much? Well, I don't actually I'm not employed At this point in time, but I practice my nursing quite a bit with Charlie our baby that we have at home right now, okay? How about work history as far as you know, can you give us kind of a snapshot of where you've been in the type of Nursing you have done. Okay. I worked in several different areas. We lived in Pennsylvania for the first 10 years of our marriage and Well, I was working there. I worked on several different floors cardiac skilled nursing Pediatrics oncology worked hospice and then I took 10 years off to hang out with my kids at home I have eight biological children and then about 12-13 years ago needed to go back to work and so started in maternity and Found out very quickly that my work in hospice Was carrying over to maternity just because there are families that definitely come in with outcomes That they had not expected and the baby does not go home with them And so my work with hospice ended up carrying over to labor and delivery Okay When I got to work with you at St. Nick, which was very much a pleasure You created a program called Halo. Yes, could you go into what Halo was all about? Halo I created that and I am a bereavement specialist perinatal bereavement specialist and those are nurses Typically that work with families whose babies have died either in the womb or shortly after birth and Halo stands for hope after loss organization Because my desire in all of that was to provide some hope that it wasn't just about sad that it wasn't just about tragic Now that is definitely there, but it didn't just have to stay there There could be some memories created during that time that would be Cherished instead of just looking back on it and the whole blanket statement was that it was a horrible time And so some of the things that you do is a perinatal bereavement specialist are To walk alongside that family before that baby is delivered and afterwards You are there typically when the baby is born you help create memories by assisting the parents with bathing that that child or Taking pictures Blanketing and dressing a baby gives that baby dignity and makes them holdable and it also was something that bereavement support hospice support in my mind I mean a family member has died and typically with hospice we think of someone who's 85 and maybe they have cancer and They have hospice support But hospice really is for anyone who at any anyone at any age And that was something that my heart for hospice was carried into these families and that baby was Deserved the dignity of being treated well and with loving care as well as that family and to walk alongside that family as They recovered afterwards and went through the grief process and began to hope again Afterwards especially if you knew if they had wanted to be able to have another child to not walk through that next pregnancy absolutely terrified What a powerful program and Assistance to help families with that. Yeah, so in there, you know, you just have a nursing degree But yet you're fulfilling and doing so much more than just you know nursing It's just basically coming down to the care, you know being there almost being one of the family and take them in Yes, I had a number of families actually that I was there when their baby died That in walking with their journey through with them through their journey afterwards asked me to come and be there when their next child was born and What they had said was that it was a comfort to them that I was there when their Child had passed away and that they wanted me to be able to be there and rejoice with them When they had an outcome which was one that they wanted And so it was a little strange to have a bereavement nurse attending a birth for a baby That was not expected to have any complications But when you have that kind of bond and you have walks it through such a difficult time with them and You don't run away When it gets so messy and when it's hard and most people You know kind of wow, I don't know what to say And so I won't say anything and and they avoid them and had one IT guy who said you know typically IT person People are not people people and they don't know what to say And so they have a tendency to just ignore the problem and maybe it will go away and He said that he just really appreciated some of the people who got out of their comfort zone and said I'm really sorry for your loss, and I really don't know what to say to you But I care and that is huge. I mean because there's nothing you can say to fix it at that point in time healing takes time And I'm not there to fix it. I'm just there to make it a little less painful Let's move into your family a little bit. Could you give us you know? Describe your family well, I am married to Mark and we have been married almost 28 years and We have eight biological children Sarah Jonathan Joshua Johanna charity Mayor Elizabeth Andrew Emily and then we have two kiddos that Also bear our name Emily in who died three and a half years ago after living for 50 days And then we have Charlie right now who is 20 months old Who is not expected he could die today? We don't know for sure how long he's gonna live But in the meantime he's ours officially as of December and then we have three foster kiddos right now Who are nine months old and Just a while so yes, they are running and climbing and getting just Getting into everything so we're very busy with household I have four of my adult children who are out and then we've just brought the other four in so we're back to 10 Living in our home right now. Wow How does the family function or everybody support each other? You know the mix how do they all get along? well, I You know to be honest with you there are just times when my kids look at each other It's like oh somebody's coming over so we should pretend like we like each other You know they definitely scrap over. Why did you take my shirt? And are those my pants and you know my daughters took my eyebrow pencil that I needed yesterday and fine So we are a very typical family now if we don't always like each other We love each other, but we certainly do not always like each other. I think that my children Have been Marvelously supportive of what it is that we do because this is not just my gig and they stand back and go yay mom You know, I mean we are we are a team Everybody's out on the field and we are all playing nobody sitting in the bleachers going yay mom go dad Kind of business. No, this is we're all in until we're out and especially with Charlie My children are his siblings and he is treated as such It's not that he's this guest over there in that hospice bed. He is definitely part of our family That's so nice You know such a nice story. Yeah As far as that goes. So you had mentioned foster parents. So your foster parents. How did that come about? We are actually medical treatment foster parents and how that came about was I Got dreadfully ill a number of years ago and it just finally hit a crisis point in 2011 and I was unable to go back to work and went through a number of surgeries and recovery and Just got to the point where because of the damage done from those surgeries in order to fix other things Parts of my body were broken irreparably and it made us socially unacceptable for me to go back to work which was horrible and definitely something devastating for me and In all of that, I'll say that I hit a real low point because I just thought I Didn't think that my life was defined by my ability to contribute But it certainly took a hit when I was laying in bed and unable to do anything except get myself to the bathroom and that was about all I did and So when I started recovering health wise We got a call in August of 2012 and I had made it known I was part of the every family council here in Sheboygan Which is all all the disciplines that contribute towards children and families and I had made it known that if there were Babies out there that mom dad just could not deal that we would be willing to take them And especially those with a life-limiting prognosis or terminal diagnosis. That wasn't we don't do normal I've done normal and they're scary but You know to take in that baby so that they had some quality of life Before they died that was something that was a dream of mine well in August I got this call that there was indeed a baby Born without the right or left hemisphere of her brain only the brainstem was not anticipated to live long But could live last until the age of two would we be willing to take hers? Like I didn't even stop to think absolutely. Yes, and everyone in my family was like yes, let's do this That's that's wonderful. So That was how we got into the journey of being medical treatment foster parents because That's really where my heart is at that's where our family's heart is at. This is a season that we will be doing foster care I'm 50 my husband is 61. We don't sign up for a natural lifetime at this point in time We're just too old for that sure, but we can certainly do intense short-term and so In order to be able to be in the way To have children who might be in that situation once they come up In order to be able to take them in then you have to be a foster parent And so that's how we got licensed so that we're there and available Should children like this come up now in the three and a half years that we have been licensed to do this We've had two kiddos. So it's not like every day. There's another baby with a terminal diagnosis that does not have a family sure So what you did is you were done with your health and it basically took away What you were used to doing and then you turned it around into something wonderful like this. Yeah, you know, so it's your way of Contributing to keep your drive going, you know, so you can still contribute in the Medical field, but it's more of just the medical field. It's the be well field so to speak where you can still Yeah, well, you know, I I think that that was something that There's a song by Sayla It may be unfulfilled. It may be unrestored But anything that shattered This laid before the Lord will not be unredeemed and my life and my health was shattered and Layed it out there and all its mess And if you will I vomited it all this yuck at the foot of the cross and just said God you you take it I have no idea how you are going to redeem this but it's just beyond me and Now, you knew to look back. It's I Couldn't do medical treatment foster care when I was working. I just had no time To do that and my husband said no way, you know, you're working And we've got a big family to take care of how in the world are we supposed to take a baby like that in? that's just not happening and How God ended up redeeming that and taking something that looked so devastating and so awful and Turned it inside out so I won't even say that it was necessarily me it was just God in my life said this is what I want you to do and and Graciously provided for me to be gimped enough To be able to thrive at home and with all this medical background, you know Just washing dishes and doing laundry is something that I do on a regular basis But I have that extra fulfillment in being able to take all that medical knowledge and we have a home ICU Set up for Charlie. He's on a ventilator. He has a pole socks He has a kangaroo pump for his feeding, you know, I mean, he's definitely high-tech And I knew my nursing background was invaluable to be able to take care of him and be able to have a little bit more Confidence in doing it definitely Very similar Sammy my wife, you know who had a stroke and the same thing where she was used to going to work and doing all that Well, she's found different ways to contribute and that's why we're volunteering so you two bond I know and keep up with each other on Facebook and such so that's a wonderful thing And we are just bonded in heart because both of us have been given lemons And we've learned how to make the best lemonade exactly this side of the Mississippi exactly so Now we have safe haven for babies. Could you tell me or tell our viewers us how that came about? Okay, so actually it really just sort of Came about as far as an official type of thing the Sheboygan press ran an article at the beginning of January and quite honestly Children's Hospital had reached out to the media and said, you know Do you want to cover this family Charlie's adoption was final and we could share our story you knew foster care and adoption and So Milwaukee didn't want it and Sheboygan press actually Lea who came out had only just graduated from Lakeland College a couple of days before Total new beyond staff, you know, they sent her out no photographer just her cell phone and she spent about two and a half hours with us And that honestly and you're gonna have to forgive me for this But it was just a total God thing her mother had passed away Lea is only 21 and her mother had passed away in her 40s of brain aneurysm only a few weeks before and so when she came and wanted some understanding of how it is that you can deal with Knowing this baby is gonna die. I mean what kind of Stability do you have to be able to roll with the fact that you are signing up for major heartache here? And how do you how do you do this and to be able to talk with her? And I kept asking her do you need to go? No, she had to plug her cell phone in and recharge it Etc, but we just had a wonderful time She went back and the article that she crafted I think that they were gonna run it like on a Thursday morning or something and they opted to do it the front page and do it on a Sunday and That went viral and then today calm picked it up and they did another article and then people They've done another article and that will be out in magazines tomorrow Friday and It's the Ronald and Nancy Reagan is on the cover. That is the one that has our article in it. So It was something that We are a safe haven for babies, especially those with a life limiting prognosis or a terminal diagnosis There are thousands of people that would love to be able to have normal kiddos, you know ones that are have no issues But we are special in the fact that we want to take those that perhaps no one else wants because they're just medically too complicated and especially because their their life is not expected to to last for very long and So safe haven for babies is what we've called our website and that is something that we're not a corporation I'm just I'm just a family, but I have thousands of people that are asking. How can I do this? So the website was just set up to answer that this is how you get started And your first step is to get started in foster care You've got to be in the way so that when these kiddos come along then you're ready and prepared to go We have taken in two that are terminal and we've had five others that are not and we just kind of You know nurture them and help them get past the hump that they were in to begin with and then they move on and are Adopted or are reunited with their families. I know with your first kiddo that you had and following you on Facebook sent you again Sam and you and it was like It isn't like you're just doing this to okay They're here that person that child's part of your family because I remember seeing the stories you put out there Wherever you guys went on a family trip. Yeah, there she was right along with you You know smiling and everything else and that's just you know such a wonderful Thing to bring to them in their quality of life in their limited time Right well and we had a goal, you know with Evelyn We kind of have had a bucket list for her and that baby live more in her 50 days I think than some people do in a lifetime She got to go to a Winona Judd concert at the Stephanie Wiles Center We took her to the book the bookmobile and the bank and the beach and have oxygen tank Have baby will travel travel. That's such a wonderful thing or other people would just give up her Yes, well, and I you know, I cannot say that there wasn't some negative Feedback from that. It's like why are you taking her out? You know, this makes people uncomfortable Well, I appreciate that but I am not gonna hunker down in my home and Only stay there because someone else might be uncomfortable with the fact that Emily was gonna die She had every right to live just as much as anybody else and I wasn't like pushing her in anyone's face But you know to not take her any place because she was that fragile or because she might pass away while we were out Charlie is the same deal. He could die on our way to church. He could die. Well, we're at church We don't know where in it when and where it is that he's gonna code But I'll be hanged if we're just gonna sit at home and watch him until this happens. No, we're very busy about Living until he dies. We are living until he dies. We're not dying until he goes And that's part of it the whole experience quality life. Everybody has that right or that, you know, yes desire to happen. So What drives Corey? How do you handle these emotional roller coasters up and down, you know Considering everything you've been through already. I guess. How do you? survive I survived simply because God is my rock and my fortress and a very present help in time of trouble and I make no apology for that This is not because I'm a good person and it's not because I just have such a Strong spirit, etc. I will say I'm a steel magnolia. I am Very soft and mushy, but I have a core of steel and there is just something that with these babies Especially in order to advocate for them. I have to be I have to be fairly tough and just you know Yes, they deserve this and like with Emily and it was something that for her to have a quality of life She needed some oxygen so that she was not struggling to breathe and I was not trying to prolong her life, but I would not Know if she was not going to be sitting there gasping for air when there was something that I could do about that and so you know what I I fought for that and You know just kind of went to bat and advocated for her and I have advocated for Charlie There are just some people who it's like, you know, what's the point? He's gonna die anyway Well, you know why he is going to die But he is not going to suffer any more than he absolutely has to if I have anything to say about it So you have to be My greatest asset in liability is that I'm a blockhead and I'm stubborn and you know, I just If I if I believe that something is right then, you know, I'm just gonna go after that and I I don't I Don't pour into Charlie because he's gonna give something back that little buddy Does not smile his eyes don't light up when he sees me. He doesn't giggle. He doesn't talk. He's never spoken a word I know that he knows that I'm there because he primarily has his head tilted to the right and he'll pick up his head And he'll turn to the left and he's always reaching out his hand and he wants you to kiss his palm Or he wants you to hold his hand. It's like I'm here, buddy I will hold your hand and that's how we know that he's there, but you know what? He doesn't have to respond at all Just because he has life I make sure that it's the best life that he can possibly have and I don't pour into him because I expect to have Returns because I expect that he's gonna pick up some day and he's gonna walk and he's gonna run I'm hoping for that. You know, I'm praying for a miracle But if that does not happen, it doesn't mean that my efforts were wasted because I never saw any tangible Sign that what we were doing for him was Working to make him a productive citizen. He doesn't necessarily contribute that way His value is there because he's made in the image of God and so I just take that and it's like alright if I had the opportunity to do for Jesus This is what I would do and he said if you do it for the least of these then you've done it for me nice Couple comments on you know some of the statements that you made, you know your core is you know like steel magnolias You know that core that keeps you working or going ie your name fits Corey Yes, because it's you know that core that keeps you driven and keeps you going. Yeah, that's a wonderful thing You know the other thing, you know About the time that Charlie will be we're all gonna die, right? So Nobody should suffer and everybody should be able to enjoy life to their fullest Of what is out there whether it's a very short lifetime or a long lifetime Everybody deserves to live as full as they can. Yeah, it would be my thought You know as far as that goes. Yeah, so What about commitments that it takes You know for you do this I know there's got to be a lot of obviously family personal commitments to adjust as well as financial commitments You know so like for advice for somebody who's maybe looking to do this Can you kind of paint the picture of the different types of commitments? I think financially it's not really a Struggle that way Because of going through the foster care system, etc. You know, he has state insurance So that is not something that is costly for us There is a small stipend What is not covered is the 24-7, you know emotional investment my nursing skills are definitely I you know, I don't get paid to be a nurse You don't get paid to be a mom and so Taking on that commitment that I am gonna be the mom That this child needs and not expect to get paid for it is it's huge There has to be an investment that I will take this child in and I will love this child as though They were biologically my own and that there will be no regrets that I could have loved you better Charlie doesn't need He doesn't need fancy, you know He doesn't we don't travel with him. You know, that is something I think Commitment-wise That's one of the tougher things is the fact that for kiddos like Charlie and and and ones that are on hospice You have to be willing to stay now. I Got out this afternoon to be able to come and talk to you But typically, you know what my my world revolves around my home and I'm there pretty much 24-7 unless we're at the hospital in Milwaukee and it is something that you have to be willing to stay Okay Do you have a website or could you give us your website address if people want to you know go in look? www.safehaven4babies S-a-f-e-h-a-v-e-n-4 B-a-v-i-e-s yes.org. Okay. That's wonderful Any other final thoughts before we wrap up? We have a couple minutes yet I would say that The fact that charlie and the emalyn emalyn died and charlie is going to die is something that's it's already sat. I can't change that But what I have is the ability to influence Whether or not the child lives And that is a privilege. It is a heavy responsibility and not a light one But it is such a privilege to be able to come alongside them and be a part of their life until they pass away Okay Again, I just have to say what a wonderful story As far as you know somebody out there And Willing to do this You know for these for these children to give them a chance to enjoy a little taste of that quality of life You know, it's it's just you don't see it every day something like this You know and then I feel kind of special because I've got to work with you, you know Even though this is all you know what you and your family have done But still knowing your capabilities and when we work together You know how we supported each other that way. It's kind of really neat What are the next steps our doors are definitely open for these kiddos with life limiting prognosis terminal diagnosis And we will take in as many as god brings along and make sure that they have some quality of life Before they pass away and Dave they are going to be good when they get to heaven It is just oh, they'll be fantastic and Emily and at this point in time is whole and well and her brain is not missing anymore And when we get to heaven and she comes running out that says I know you That would just so make everything worth it. Yeah, and she's smiling down at you right now. So thank you Yes Cory, I'd like to thank you for coming on the show. It's time for us to wrap But I just wanted to say again, thank you for all you do. Well, thank you Okay For quality of life I'm Dave augustine. I'd like to thank you for watching And if you have any questions or any suggestions, please contact us on our website at www.wscsheboygan.com For quality of life. I'm Dave augustine and be on the half of cori. Thank you for watching