 Hello there my beautiful internet friends welcome back to my channel Thank you for joining me here today and welcome to taboo Tuesdays on taboo Tuesdays this series We talked about taboo topics, which you may have been able to gain from the title of the series I'm gonna take today's subject in a bit of a different direction And I really hope that you'll stick around with me for it If this is a topic that you feel like you're in a mental space to handle This is more of a taboo subject for me because I realized I've never actually Talked about this publicly at all and all the public speaking that I've done in the other channel that I have called trauma talk Where I talk about trauma I have never talked about the process in my recollection of getting a restraining order against a Very dangerous person what that actually entailed what that looked like I live in the state of Colorado So this is gonna be specific to Colorado and this happened a number of years ago I will tell you that I'm not gonna go into significant detail about any of the abuse that I endured But there will be heavy topics mentioned in this video So I'm gonna go ahead and put a trigger warning on screen if this is not something that you are in a place to hear about If that is the case for you I have linked videos of adorable German shepherds in the description down below for you to watch instead of this video Generally, I would restrain this Restrain generally I would keep this sort of a topic over on that channel But this is something that I know a lot of people have actually had to deal with and it can be a pretty Traumatizing thing to go through that it would be a story worth telling so here we go So I'm guessing this goes without saying but none of this is legal advice This is literally just my story from my recollection this happened a number of years ago But it was a very scarring experience a few years ago I was granted a permanent restraining order against someone which means that for the rest of my life in the state of Colorado They have to stay away from me away from my house away from where I work if I'm somewhere They show up they have to leave if they're anywhere in the vicinity. They can't be there anymore It's a pretty serious heavy thing, but it was not super simple or easy to get to make a very long story short I was in a abusive relationship with a very dangerous person and I did not realize what was happening I wouldn't let myself realize it for quite some time. A lot of bad things happened in that relationship I was sexually assaulted mentally and emotionally and spiritually abused. I was very very very manipulated I was extraordinarily naive at the time very trusting wanted to believe the best in people and it took me a really long Time to allow myself to wake up to the reality of who I was interacting with when I actually realized what had been going on I was able to safely separate myself from him at first. I thought that that was gonna be the end of it I didn't want to press charges. I was like, oh, it's not really that bad It took me a very long time to realize how bad it actually was after everything ended after I got away from him I did end up going to the police and reporting what it happened It took me a while to get there because I wasn't sure that I wanted to do that It's a very difficult process to go through. So as I went to the police and I reported what had happened I made the official report a couple things happened. First of all, this person was still reaching out to me They were still trying to get to me still trying to get in contact with me And secondly, I learned a lot more about who they were and it helped me realize even more What a dangerous situation I was in. This person had two convictions of sexual assault They're a registered sex offender. They had charges of domestic violence They were currently in a case for another sexual assault and they had multiple restraining orders against them True story. A police officer told me that I don't think he was actually technically supposed to but I was so wide-eyed And still I think very hopeful about the situation and thinking, oh, yeah, he probably didn't mean anything He probably didn't mean to hurt me that this police officer shared with me his convictions I will forever be grateful for that man because it really opened my eyes to the person who I'd been interacting with At that point I filed to get a restraining order. I did not want this person trying to find me I did not want them calling me anymore. I didn't want them texting me I wanted nothing to do with them and I guess I sort of thought in my mind that if you get a restraining order against someone They would just be gone. That's not really how it happens You have to see them to get a restraining order generally speaking if they choose to show up So the first step was to for me to go to the courthouse and file a restraining order I had to go to a morning session I had to sit in the back of a courtroom wait for my name to be called and to state that that is actually what I wanted to Do and why I wanted to do it while I was there There's an organization here in Colorado called Tessa that helps victims of domestic violence and sexual assault And they are there to talk to you if you want to talk to someone or to stand with you If you want someone to stand with you sort of thing and I was just sort of freaked out I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know why I was doing it I just knew that I needed to at that point they notified me that they would be serving him with a restraining order for the next 30 days He wouldn't be allowed to contact me and vice versa and then I would need to appear in court alongside him The thought of walking in a building with them After having filed charges against them after having filed a restraining order like after having called out I know what you did and I'm gonna try to do something about it was horrifying I lived alone at that point. It was a very uncomfortable situation and you might think getting a restraining order Well, that's good, you know, they can't they can't reach out to you But a piece of paper doesn't actually mean that someone's not gonna come for you So I was very very concerned Thankfully, he did not show up to my front door in the middle of the night as I had nightmares about leading up to that moment The court date where I had to show up and he had to show up because he was gonna defend himself and fight the restraining order was Such a weird day. My parents did go with me, which I am very grateful for it It would have been so much worse to go alone But it's so weird sitting across the hallway from someone waiting to go into a court space into a into a court Room I can't talk with a person who has so hurt you so Violated you has chosen to do such abhorrent things to you and so many other people and you're just sitting across a hallway from them waiting to go talk to other people and I think the worst part is when they call your case You have to go stand up alone Alongside the person who are you you are getting a restraining order against so he and I had to stand up and walk down the aisle Basically at the same time and stand a few feet apart from one another and he brought his lawyer because of course He had a lawyer with all that like the freaking laundry list of convictions that he had as our case was called And we were standing up there his lawyer asked if his lawyer could talk to me outside So we stepped outside and this guy told me listen I could put you on the stand right now and you'd have to answer all of my questions And I don't think you want to do that and this was very intimidating I was a very very scared fragile individual which is totally understandable and I and I'm so I'm so thankful for this The guy literally said but here's the thing my daughter is having wrist surgery as we speak and I don't have time for this So what you should do is request a continuance will come back You need to get prepared for this requesting a continuance is usually what happens If you don't want to request a continuance, which is also what we want You're gonna have to stand up in front of everybody and tell them everything right now Which I was in no position to do and so I was like yeah absolutely, okay, and it was very Disconcerting taking advice from his lawyer But I also didn't feel like I had any other kind of choice And so that's what we did and I'm actually really grateful for that because it was a wise choice There is no way that I could have stood up in front of people and detailed out Why I was so scared of this person with my words at that point because I was I was so scared I was so unprepared. I was so not okay. And so another date was set I think it was about 45 days out It was recommended to us that we get a lawyer, but here's the thing. I was broke as heck I had zero zero dollars. My family is not super well off So we did try to go talk to a lawyer and see if that was the direction of going because we really Wanted this to go through. I really wanted a permanent restraining order against this man And this whole experience makes me so simultaneously grateful for and also sort of I mean like a little bit disdainful for lawyers But not actually like if you're a lawyer, I appreciate the work that you do But I realized how kind of cutthroat and gross it has to be Because when we talked to the guy when I interviewed the guy who could have been representing me He had my parents step out of the room and he asked me all the questions that I would be asked on stand in a very Confrontational not graceful to the point just crude way And I was a sweet little Christian homeschooled girl and I was just in tears hearing the things he was gonna ask me and He was he pretty much told me you're not you're not gonna be able to handle this like you're not ready for this Your best hope is that he doesn't show up But since he had hired a lawyer we kind of assumed that he would after further discussion and the cost of the lawyer We decided that what we were gonna do is simply show up the day of the hearing because I was going to be there And I was gonna frickin show my face and that was all that I could do because I knew that I wasn't gonna win I knew that there was no way that I could show enough evidence or be eloquent enough with my words to prove it or whatever And so my parents and I showed up to court and he never showed and it was a glorious moment It really was we just simply sat in the courtroom and the the judge called our case and was like is the other party here No, all right It's granted done and it was done and I had a permanent restraining order But the process of getting a restraining order was really Emotionally difficult as someone who had gone through a lot that to be entirely honest with you I'm still processing. Do you see this? Oh my god. She's so cute. I can't really move though The experience of being on this end of filing a restraining order was really borderline Traumatizing and that's not anyone's fault aside from the person who committed those crimes against me It's not like it's the court's fault, but the way that you are treated when you are trying to file for protection against dangerous people Understandably you have to go through questions Understandably that is how it has to work, but speaking from an emotional perspective. It's horrifying Speaking from perspective of someone who had just gone through Extensive trauma for months who had just gotten out of a very abusive very manipulative situation that literally took me I'm not kidding you eight years to realize everything that it really happened in that relationship It was like nearly impossible to go through with I have such an intimate understanding of why people choose not to report crimes I completely understand why people do not want to talk to police officers Why people do not want to engage with our court system because it is so so exhausting It is so threatening again from an emotional perspective, and I'm not suggesting any solutions here I'm not saying I have the answers. I'm just telling you from my experience the Incredibly invasive Insulting questions that I was going to be asked they know how to hurt you and that's kind of the point And that's how people get away with the things that they get away with so I'm very grateful to have won that part of The process they didn't end up actually filing charges against him because there was insufficient evidence But he did other things to other people who I know and those charges did go through Speaking on restraining orders in particular There are a variety of different kinds depending on what area you are in many are for a specific period of time So they'll be like for three years or for five years The one that I got was permanent the only reason for that from my understanding is because he did not show up He could eventually appeal it if he really wanted to but I don't know why he would it's been a number of years And he hasn't so fingers crossed. I really don't want to deal with that again It gives me peace of mind knowing that he couldn't just show up at my house and there be no repercussions for it So I'm very glad that I went through that process, but it was a really hard process to go through It took about two and a half months total from the time that I started now switching gears for just a second here if you Think that you might be in some kind of dangerous situation or if you don't think it's dangerous But someone's hurting you or isn't treating you right or you just have a really bad feeling about what keeps happening Or what has happened? Please talk to someone. I know that we hear this often But I was in that situation and I wrote off the actions that were being perpetrated against me as someone having a hard time Someone having a bad day. They're just they're just really struggling and I was such a caring compassionate Kind person that I would not allow myself to see abuse as abuse I wasn't trained to see it as abuse and so bad things happened They took advantage of who I was and unfortunately people do that sometimes It's not your fault and sometimes it's hard to get away from sometimes It's really hard to recognize sometimes It's really hard to separate from and sometimes the best way to start that process is by talking to someone you trust Talking to professionals talking to domestic violence shelters or talking to hotlines in some situations talking to the police It's not easy to do but I promise you it is worth it I absolutely from the bottom of my heart promise you it is worth it to try to seek help and Get to a better place get to a better life because you absolutely are deserving of that and there are people who care There are people who get it There are people who actually want to take care of you and who will love you without hurting or manipulating or harming you If you stuck with this video this far, I really appreciate it I know this is a bit darker and heavier than I generally talk about on this subject for this channel But I wanted to share this with you guys in case it might help anybody out there You're comfortable sharing. Can you relate to this in any way? I would love to hear down below in the comment section if this happens to be the first video you're watching on this channel generally I talk about life in the aftermath of amputation I do talk about some mental health things as well life with chronic illness and chronic pain and staying active and all different Sources of things so that's the general topics of this channel, but we do vary it from time to time So if that's what you're interested in give this video a thumbs up and subscribe to this channel If you'd like to see more of that a big shout out goes to all of my patrons over on patreon I truly truly truly truly appreciate all of you guys Thank you for supporting my channel if you're interested in what patreon is or what it could offer you or what that community looks like Check out the link on the screen. Thank you guys for spending a few minutes out of your day watching this video here with me Listening to me chat. It means a lot to me. I love you guys I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video