 Why fat people are dumb? Fat means you can't swim in the ocean because you're sick. Dumb. Dumb to be slow. If you go on a safari and you get out of the car and you can't get back to the car and a lion's charging at you, you're slow. So you're saying you are dumb. We have to get two seats on an airplane for you because you're too fat. That's so dumb. Can't survive. Can't integrate within society. Clearly, if we build bigger buildings, bigger, more fat people than they will fucking fall down. We'll have 9-11-2. And we're going to be a war in a country. Yeah. No, that's hectic shit. Fuck. What are you drinking, man? Age of war. Yeah, fuck, yeah. It matches your suit. I don't want to be anything other than a wanker. What the fuck? Michael just held up a box set of one tree hill and we're not going to get into that. Welcome to episode number three of the fully actual fucking podcast. Holy shit. James Lee's here. James Lee's first appearance for the season. And we've got the segment you haven't seen yet, Bam Boozled. We've got the lying segment. We've got the great debate. We'll be back, the voicemail segment, how famous are we? We've got prank calls. We've got all sorts of shit. But first, let's talk some shit, man. Oh, fuck. Look at Michael. He's all fucking like, he's 40%. I'm at 40% for passing out. My knee hurt. My knee hurt. It's just so swollen. What happened to you on the weekend? We've got Bam Boozled. What's Matt doing? But, what the fuck? Anyway, let's continue. Should I quickly swap seats and steal his microphone? If I'm not seeing this, look at that. It's like budget cut. Oh, yeah, fuck. Budget cut. Very muddy, and Michael. Yeah, that's shit. I've got to hold it on. That's fucking shite. Yeah, look. I won golf. I got four under. Wait, so you... Fucking hell, man. That's unbelievable. So where did you go? So we went down to Newcastle. We had a... Oh, it was in Newcastle. Yeah, we were in Newcastle, dude. That's where we first did ping, is that? One time. Yeah, shit. Fuck, yeah, shit. Well, I didn't do it that time. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was going to the army. You were going to the army. Yeah. Oh, my goodness, sorry. What did we do? OK, so we stated a property where the owners... Airbnb? Yeah, Airbnb, but the owners lived next to the property. Oh, no. And guess who came over at 12.30 o'clock at night? John Farnham. John Farnham. It was John Farnham's wife, and she was pissed. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, she hated us. She came over at 12.30 at night. Nighttime, because it was so loud, it was echoing. Did she know it was a bus? And they're like 100 metres away. Did she know it was a bus? I don't know. She wouldn't have. There was cars everywhere, so she wouldn't be like, there is so many people staying at my house. And all the prostitutes, you sent me so many photos of the prostitutes. I was happy to be shit, bro. Holy shit, that one was dead, hey. She looked dead, bro, hey. The one you were standing over and teabagging her back. Why was that one hanging from the roof? Yeah, foam and from the mouth. That was all, they self-inflicted that. We didn't do that. But basically, yeah, she came over so, so cross with us, and everyone at this point was so fucked that I just went to the back room and just sat in there and I waited for it to be over. And then, yeah, like, basically, Henry told me that, yeah, no one was able to talk to her properly, and she was just like gave up and walked out. And then the gist of it was she wanted us to go inside because it was echoing to her house. 10 minutes later, guess who's everyone's out fucking side. Oh. And then like, yeah, so I just sort of, I realized, fuck. I just felt like paranoid at that point that she's gonna come over. So I was in bed by two on the first night. I was the first to sleep, and then Henry was second. Henry and you were first and second to sleep. That's so... Unheard of, I know. Yeah. And then the second day we went and played golf. Did Henry do anything destructive or Henry? Henry, well, yeah, I told you, at golf, he had someone in his cart, Marcus. He's such a legend. Basically, he was driving the cart. Henry was just driving so destructively that he turned the wheel at like as fast as it could go. And this dude fell out like three meters, just slid. And like, we all thought he was like injured. Yeah, but he was fine somehow. And then, yeah, basically we ended up winning golf and that was the highlight of the trip. That night, everyone sort of was just so fucked up for the first night that, yeah, everyone was in bed, but why like fucking probably like three o'clock? Wow. And then so, Michael's had the day off yesterday or we'll come back. The clean up yesterday was so hard. Oh, my God. Because so many people left early, early, that there was like five people left to do the clean. So imagine me and Henry. So like, and then three other people after the game. Oh, my God. Yeah, so there's three people doing the clean. So Michael's a little worse for wear today. Oh, man. But yeah, it's good fun, Bucks, aren't they, mate? They're fine at the time, but yeah, they just, yeah. You pay for it. You gotta pay for it. So we've been continuing our boxing training and Michael still can't train. He still can't train. We're like 10 weeks out now. And it's starting to get a bit, you've got to see a specialist in two weeks. Yeah, my knee is still so fat. I reckon, I'm honestly thinking you've got four or five more weeks before you can even start training. And so, look, I don't know what to do here, guys, because these other two boys are taking it pretty seriously. And yeah, I've tried to get Rope Matt in as a replacement for Michael, but Matt's got a sore elbow and it hurts when he breathes in deeply and he has trouble sleeping and sometimes his foot gets sore when he stands for too long. I've got bad knee too. And bad knee too, so. At AG1, I'll sort you out though, surely. Kind of fucked, maybe James? Yeah, I don't know. I'm not a good fighter, eh? No, I'm not. Yeah, I wish I could grab a hold of them. True. Pick them up, then maybe I'll go, OK, but punching's hard. I'm too short and stumpy. So I'm going to have to call the organisers and just kind of let them know what's going on. But yeah, like. Maybe they'll let both Michael and Matt, because two halves make a hole. Yeah, maybe. I don't know about that. Stick them together. We'll wear that shirt that puts one per two people in one shirt. Man, you know, you're dislocating your knees, no, Joe. Like, it is still, that is fucked. It still fucking hurts. Yeah, fucking hell, we can't walk properly. Yeah, we can't fucking film, we can't fucking do nothing. Just fucking sitting down, watching him fucking smoke bongs all day. That was honestly the highlight of my holidays, I reckon. Seeing you do that. Man, it was beautiful to watch. Seeing him dislocate his knee. But more so the aftermath, because the look on his face was just, I thought like I was like going to die. He was in performance mode. He was in full performance mode all night. And as soon as he hit the ground, he was just silent, which I thought was part of the act. I thought it was, you know, it was just Michael trying to be dramatic like he'd done this show. And then I looked at his face and he was just like, just looking at his knee like this. I was like, oh, shit, this is serious. It was the closest he's come to real life default face. Like real life default face. His knees was default face. Yeah, like, dude, oh, that just gave me a fucking funny story from the weekend. There was this loose Ken and dude who were all going around putting like YouTube song clips on. And we all like, yeah, we'd, you know, just comment on it. And it was just sort of the part where you're sort of like chilling out, sort of about to go to sleep. This one guy wouldn't let anyone put anything else on. But he'd just play like, imagine Abba, you're the Dancing Queen by Abba, but with dudes doing karate with no limbs. So it was Abba, Dancing Queen. And then there's people doing karate that are trying to fight each other with no limbs. And he just looks at it deadpan. The whole, and like, is he fucking with us? Who the fuck is this guy? Dude, he was like, it was next level. I kind of like him for that. Yeah, but then it got like, holy shit. I don't know if he's joking. Like he just actually enjoys it. And he just didn't say a word and he's kept, and we're like, dude, can we put something else on? And he just wouldn't, he just typed something else in and it'd be something similar to that. Every fucking time. It was different. They're like that little inspirational speaker, man, with no arms and no legs. But they're doing karate, trying to stop each other. Like flipping around doing gymnastics. How do you even know that they're doing karate if it's just a torso? I don't know, like they're going, like you see the sort of action and they're dressed in karate outfits. It was so strange. Yeah, that's fucked. It is fucked. So last, I can't remember if I spoke about this last episode, but I did go to the dentist and I ended up getting a cap and man. It's, I'm not so scared of the dentist anymore. So if anyone else is freaking out cause I haven't been for years, it wasn't that bad. The laughing gas is good. You feel like you're fucking hammered drunk and then just get him to inject twice the amount of painkillers. They were still drilling on the nerve and it got up to about a six out of 10 pain. But that was the worst. And now I've got a hat on my tooth and now I've got to get the other one done. And this nerve might be dead. So he was like, oh, it's touching guys. 50, 50, this nerve might die soon. In which case we'll have to rip the tooth out. So it's not so bad. So to be clear, it's not so bad. It's not so bad. And I've just come back from this, I've been talking about this, the heart, the specialist I've been going to. It's not this lady, right? And the type of treatment I'm going down. So I've just come back from her, just got some more results back. And I don't even feel like talking about this until I have everything sorted and all of the information to give you guys. But look, you're cured. Everyone's cured and we're going to save the world. Honestly, within like six months, I'm going to be completely fucking much lower anxiety, no hardship, no high blood pressure and just a better fucking dude. Yeah, well, it helps when you haven't got that hanging over your head. And this is all very new, this kind of pathway of treatment. It's all quite new. So like I said, listen to the Joe Rogan, Gary Brecker podcast. That'll give you some information. And then that's pretty much the kind of treatment that I'm doing. I don't want to say I'm on this and this because everyone start taking it, but it's different for everyone. And it's but it's super effective. Like I've spent 10 grand, I reckon on fucking cardiologists, every single test under the fucking sun. And all they want to do is just give me a tablet for the rest of my life. And now I'm fucking nearly cured. And it's been two weeks. But anyway, more on that when I know more on that. Stay tuned. Some other good news, too. We have video on Spotify now. We do. Wow, fucking. Hello, Spotify. Look, they finally can see us. Yeah, this is the first one. There's probably some people that who've never seen our faces before, who just hear our voices. And they're seeing this and they're like, this is my watching any more. Yeah, as long as the mind. So so since we've got video now, now's a perfect time to give us a five star review on Spotify, because this is a thing they're not rolling out to everyone. They've selected us the program we used to upload our podcasts. And they've selected us and they said, let's give it a go. Let's give it, let's give them a chance. So hopefully they don't listen to the podcast because they'll probably fucking take that away if they do. Let's give them a fucking chance. Because remember, the Spotify one's a little bit naughty because we can get away with more. Well, I think I think now we're going to. There'll be terms and conditions. OK, sorry. Maybe I just said that. But yeah, so fucking video on Spotify now. Everyone, how how how crazy is that? Yes, round of applause, everybody. And did you do anything on the fucking weekend? Tell them about the gold card. Connor, can you cut until we come back? I'm not talking about the gold card. Fuck off, please. I want to know about the gold card, please, Brown. Oh, just somebody sent me a price of what it sold for. Oh, how much? I was like 900 or something. Holy fuck, that's not bad. It's not bad at all. How much is one pack of cards? It depends what you get. And I did see a comment that someone wants to join your breaking group if you do it. Wow. Thank you. On average, what is the price of a thing of cards? I couldn't tell you. You can. You're choosing not to. It'd be into the hundreds. I reckon 300. That's actually two cans. Probably. It's a good guess. Well, that makes that. How many cards is in a pack? It depends what you get. On average, they're all different. Probably five. So three hundred dollars for five cards. You're gambling. You may as well go to the fucking pokey. He's got to put three hundred fucking dollars through it. Do fucking fifty dollar spins. You might get like 10 packs for three hundred dollars. Fifty dollar spins. You might get like 10 packs for three hundred dollars. He does do well in the pokeys. Normally wins. Yeah, last few times. Yeah, you've struggled a bit. He's coming down now. He's luck wave. No, I am. I didn't go with you guys, but I did win last time I played. How much did you win? Just a hungee. Fuck yeah. I wish we had a spreadsheet of everyone's gambling. Yeah, me too. I wish Luke could be an interesting one because either he either loses quite a bit or wins massive. He won like nine hundred dollars the other day. No, he didn't. He's coming back from work. He has some losses though. Yeah, we'd all be well into the negative, surely. I've got a story for you that Michael will enjoy. No, he was fucking go. I saved it for you. Oh, this is dad shit. This is dad. Full Greg Smith. Is that your dad? Greg Brown. Oh, sorry. So Greg Brown rung me and he's like, oh, hey, just checking in, seeing how you are, just seeing how things going. And I was like, oh, you're cool. And I was like, I was trying to think, oh, shit, have we not spoken for a while? I was like, oh, it hasn't been that long. And then I really, I worked it out. He wanted to tell me something. Yeah, OK. And so he was playing Corinda, a golf course you've all played. I don't know. I've gotten three hundred ones out of the pitch apart. I don't know if you guys know that. Anyway. Anyway, he called me, he said he was playing and he got an eagle on a par four. Do you know what par four? Because I know this course. Tell me. Oh, fuck. He does only one par four, isn't there? No, it's two or three. But at Corinda, he hit an eagle on par four. There's one going one way and one coming back. What happens when that happens? I don't know. Is that two shots? There's actually three. Is that there's actually four. There's four fucking par fours. Do you get your name on some eagle board? No idea. But I feel that was you got to find out when I'm like, that's pretty hot. It's like, yeah, as a person who's also got an eagle. I reckon it was hole four. And if you hit that, if you hit that, if you brave it and hit through where the water is, that's exactly what I landed on the ground, you've got a pretty good shot at the green. Yeah. James has birded that one. He and he did say everyone walked over and shook his hand. Yeah, that happened to me on the fucking story. That happened to me on my eagle. Really? People shook your hand. Everyone in my group, all three of them, two were strangers. What did they say? Congratulations. Yeah, well done, mate. Are they serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a video. You should hug him. Yeah. I only just met him. There are two of them. Or grab a hand and stick the ends of their fingers in your mouth or some shit, bro. Like, you only get eagles so you can do that shit, bro. That's hectic as shit, man. That's hectic as shit. That's caught on, that hectic as shit, eh? That's all he's had. That's from Matt's tinder. He started that. He's going to say something. Everyone listen to him. So, Racka Racka racked up at the Australian Film Awards. Yeah, so they should have. Yeah, so they should have. Yeah, so they should have. Yeah, so they should have. Our boy, Mike Goldman, hosted the whole fucking hour. Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah. And he's given us the green light to host the Survivor Series on the website. Wait, did you talk to him? Yep. So, Mike Goldman hosts our podcast live show. Then he goes on to host the actor awards. So, same level. We are Racka Racka, I think. Yeah, I did think that today. I remember thinking that in the mirror. Michael and the same name. Yeah. Danny. Danny, Marty, same name. Danny, blonde hair. Danny, and I'm the camera. Sponsors? Hello, everyone. We'd like to tell you about an amazing product that we've come across. Sorry, I thought he was holding up the incorrect. Yeah, he has many things. Manscaped has many, many things. This is the only one we have handed over. They're all up there and I can't reach them. Look. Manscaped. Manscaped.com. Offer a range of male grooming products. So great and unique that we are so shocked. I used it last night. Matt used it last night. You can use their new ball shaver. Okay, it's a 5.0, right? This is the fifth model of this. They've got another thing on it that stops you nicking your nut bag so you don't bleed out. Well, you've got a light. You've got a light. You've got a light. You've got a nut bag so you don't bleed out. Well, you've got a light. So if you are a man or a woman and you have thick, thick Italian hair or just black, dark hair and you haven't really looked after yourself much and you kind of have some mental health issues, you're a bit overweight, and you sort of hate your life and your jobs, shit. You've got friends but they don't really like you. You struggle with the opposite sex. Go to manscaped.com and use our discount code fullyactual20 for 20% off free in your pocket. There you go. From us to you, bang done. Go buy a ball shaver. You can get all sorts of shit. Your nuts will never smell so smooth. I reckon we lie and say it's 30% off. Let's do it. You get a special, use our discount code fullyactual20 for 50% off. Wait, can we get in trouble for lying? Click the link in our description. It doesn't matter, Matt. It doesn't matter. Just click the link in our description and just say for yourself, 50% off. You've been bamboozled. It's for women too, so women, if you've got saggy breasts with fur under it and your sleeves are full of muck hair and you fucking drag, you drag when you walk, just go to manscaped men and women. There's one woman who watches this, man. And she is fucked. Nah, she's a good chick. Anyway, it's Matt's mum. Julie does not watch this. She could use a shaver though. I'll check. Check. Jesus. And of course... Oh, yeah. And look, Matt... You've got to mix it. Matt is going to lead us into our second sponsor. AG1. You've got to speak louder. Sorry, AG1. What about it? It puts a spark in my day. How's it do that? I go to work and I yell at people on the strength of AG1 knowing I've got the vitamins and they fucking don't. What's in it? What fucking vitamins are in it? That's power. List them all. 76? 75, fuck. Let's lie and say 130. 159. It's a new formula. 159. You take it, you cannot get sick and you cannot die. AG1, go to the link in our description. All right? Use our discount code fully actual for a free travel pack. And it's a subscription. It's a subscription. You sign up, it rocks up on your door every month on the day and then you take just one powder every fucking day. They've got a vitamin D dropper that fucks you shit up too. You cannot die. AG1. AG1. Yeah. Also for women. It's for all genders. So men and women. For all genders. Men and women. Yeah. The only genders. Matthew Brown. Sorry, sorry. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Too far. Sorry. Just like Michael though. All right. Those are our sponsors. All right guys. We're going to have a quick old bong break. And we'll be right back with the lying segment with Matt's dream diary. The great debate and bamboozle bitch. The break, have a bong, have a bong, have a break. Here I go, baby. This is the real shit. Back. Also guys, we've been getting a lot of calls on our podcast phone, the number 046 020 66602 303 we've been getting lots of voicemails sometimes we answer and sometimes we answer and then the people hang up because they Don't expect someone to answer So if this rings throughout the podcast, well, let's just answer it bro. Yeah, that would be all right Well, that's a rule if someone calls during the podcast Yeah, all right then What else fucking tactic buddy? Lying segment. Yeah. Yeah, look, let's let's get into it. Do we have a Jingle for that. We do We What about okay, so we got the lying segment guys This is where we just call a friend of ours and then we just lie to them about something I just had a scroll through the texts and why don't we why don't we call Paulie? All right, so someone's calling our podcast phone right now, so let's just see what they have to say for themselves Tell them they're a fish Hello Hello, Marty. Hello. Hello. What's going on everybody? Haha, what's your name? Yes, we've got this phone at all times we answer everyone's call normally Legend that's a good name Have you left any voicemails for us mark Okay, what about this you could tell us a live story of your most fucked up bender story that gave you the worst injury ever Well, very specific. Yeah, that's sort of what the topic was this week. I think sort of make it up mark Have you ever seen a dead person? Okay, let's hear that When I was younger me and your mates were riding our pushy's going to the shops and There was an old lady like leaving the shops walking home and there was a drink driver A drink driver was like speeding and pretty much like you know going like 70 k's an hour and you saw that She went flying like a meters in the air and we've seen her and it was She's spinning in the air She was doing flips. Oh, she's like head over feet head over feet continual flips He was dead straight dead straight just spinning. It was so fun. Do I think she was dead in the air or dead when she hit the ground? Oh I don't think an old lady can spin that many times that quick Oh, and I'll be dead so only dead old ladies can spin that quick. What distance would you say that she flew in the air? I'm just curious Like she was like like What like Probably like four meters four five meters. How many complete rotation spins joke and she didn't like Five straight body first, okay, did you saw that? Holy shit, man. That's hectic. We like spin that shit Did you consider Give her CPR was there anyone around that tried to save her? They were feels like a nurse that was drove past and yeah, we pretty much left after we seen Wow, that's a fucked up This has gotten dark, but mark is worse No, it was good All right, well cheers for the call man and yeah, let's just hope that you don't ever have to witness anything like that again Hey, and may she rest in peace Yes Man mark is a legend It's hard not to Like as fucked as it sounds it's hard not to laugh when you he's describing that visual He shouldn't have said the spinny bit. No, it's not only that but she was dead straight the whole time Yeah, yeah, so she's dead straight spinning in the air She only went four or five meters, which isn't very fast. I imagine I Loan would have ruptured her skull. Yeah, that would be that's why she was straightened out Let's just hope she died quickly and painlessly and that that drink drive is in jail for the rest of his life All right, now let's move on and light one of our friends Hello. Hey, Paul. He was going on brah Yeah, not too much. Yeah. Oh, not too much We were just discussing you know how we're hiring a boat in the March and all going out for the day Yes, yeah, so we're we're trying to think of a way to like make it, you know a bit more fucked and we Terrible oh, you can't hear me. Yeah. Yeah, go for it Yeah, so we were thinking we want to stitch one of the boys up and we're thinking maybe maybe Blake, Dem and Austin and so what we're gonna do is we're gonna take the boat like a fairway out to see and Then we're gonna and then we're gonna fucking we're gonna sink it and There's we've we've already called we've already called a like a tow company and they can As long as we as long as we can still Connect like a chain to it without they'll be able to drag it out But we just want to scare the fuck out of them and we're gonna have just like enough life jackets for like four of us I Glad I'm glad I'm the cola. Yeah. Well, we thought Cuz yeah, we were trying to think who would be the weakest swimmers and we thought dims all muscles So he'd be a shit swimmer Blakey doesn't look like I was a great swimmer. Yeah, well there you go So we called the right guy Yeah I was but yeah, we haven't figured out how we're gonna sink it yet, but yeah, so but just keep that on the download But yeah, we're probably gonna sink the fucking thing and We'll just have to we'll just have to I don't know swim back or something Yeah, well, we'll have the life jackets So I think Well, yeah, but and we were we also thought like we'll have someone on standby to come and get us in like a Dingy or something if like if shit gets fucked if we get caught in a current or some shit How far Like I don't know we said today We kind of looked it up from the area we're leaving from and we kind of want to there's like an area like three Kilometers out from the shore that that is like a little bit shallow that we can sink it out Okay Yeah, can I touch the bottom? No, no, no, you'd like it'll be fucking deep, but just so we can try and get it out with like a tugboat or whatever they call it. I Just got it out to a Michael. Oh, he's an easy joke I'm just gonna start as soon as it goes down I'm jumping straight in the water and I'm just swimming as far as I can straight away and And and and like I said if we get if we get if it starts to get hard we'll just I'll just call We'll have someone on standby and they'll just fucking swim out to us with a dingy Yeah, maybe um Yeah, maybe they can come and pick me up straight away and I can get some extra footage It was Just gonna be a normal day but um Who knows the bottom icing of it shit That took an extreme It went from like a chill day Sorry to waste your time Paulie, but um, yeah, we'll fucking say we'll see on Thursday. Yeah, thanks for the last All right guys now It's time look, I'm gonna I Don't have Matt's permission for this And he's not happy about it But I've managed to bring it in this week And look, I'm gonna I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna read I'm gonna read something from the brown dream diary today Matt don't it's so being nervous dude. It's fine. It's a dream I can't I'm sure it doesn't mean anything or any hidden psychological Yeah, there's a bunch of those there's a bunch of those out there that that believe that dreams mean mean Yeah, well, they might and so it's probably good to just get it out there And then if anyone knows can kind of interpret what they mean then great, right? Then you can what if it interprets towards the negative for me Yeah, well at least then you know space man. It's so safe space with you, but it's like what if someone out there? Having a lump on your arm and saying, oh, I don't want to go and check it because it might be something negative Let's find out what that lump in your fucking brain is and let's fucking rip it out. Oh, is that the lump in your stomach? Yeah, it's been exactly exactly imagine if I never got that check. Did you ever get a check? Yeah, of course. I got a check immediately Fat sack it's benign. It's a light palmer Okay So Matt's dream diary everyone here we go if if if these are shit and boring look we can I Don't have to read these everywhere. I just thought I'd read one and we'll just see how we go Dear dream diary Last night I dreamed I don't know what to make of it, but it scared me. I was too embarrassed to share this with my girlfriend I was at the cricket sitting in a packed stadium by myself I was surrounded by happy families Mothers and fathers who are deeply in love with well-behaved children happily watching the cricket in front of them everyone was happy Laughing and bonding together except for me. I was drunk and full of confident defiance I stood in my seat and raised my arms Yeah And I sculled the beer in my right hand then I sculled the beer in my left hand Then I crushed both the plastic cups at the same time and threw them forwards into the crowd in front of me I look around wildly with slurps of beer slinging from my beard and all the families and their children desperately turned I looked away to avoid eye contact with me I was totally alone and I stood out massively But I didn't care in the slightest my body course with confidence and testosterone my eyes bulged and my pupils were gigantic black balls I was the lone wolf in that stadium, and I didn't need anyone's help I laughed and helped myself to another beer I lent back in my seat and face the sky and let out an almighty belch a belch so loud I had families 20 rows away turning around to witness it I make eye contact with a 10-year-old boy a few rows down from me. What the fuck are you looking at bitch? The boy's mother grabs the boy and pulls him close to her I stand and make myself look as intimidating as possible. I was fucking pissed Do you think you're better than me? You bitch! I grab my scrotum and squeeze it with all my force Then I stick my tongue out and go AHHHHH AHHHHHHH People in the audience were terrified and some people around me had even started to leave I was unstoppable I continued to stand and scan the crowd to try and find someone to challenge me Then I hear it. A clean crack of ball hitting wood. It echoed through the stadium and snapped my attention to the cricket. One of the players had absolutely crushed a shot. In fact, the ball was hit so purely that I barely had time to notice that it was screaming straight towards me. My eyes could barely track it. It was moving so quickly. Out of the thousands and thousands of people in the stadium, this ball is surely not coming directly at f**k. Bang! The cricket ball explodes into my face, caving it inwardly. I felt my skull break apart like a chocolate easter egg and my teeth shattered to pieces. My upper lip and nose were slammed deep into my skull and dragged my face with it. So deep was the impact that the ball came to rest halfway through my brain. The force of the hit snapped my head back so violently that my neck bone splintered. My body fell back into my seat but somehow I was still conscious. My tongue lulled out from this huge hole in my face now and I started calling out to people. Hey! Look at me! I caught the ball! I could still see and looked around. People were still avoiding eye contact with me. They were all just talking amongst themselves, completely ignoring me. Hey! I caught the ball! It's in my head! I could feel my life starting to slip away because of my injuries. F**k! I can't be f**king moaned! This is my greatest ever achievement. My first started to fade. I was nearly dead. It was in my final moments I realised that no matter how proud of yourself and your achievements you are, they are meaningless unless you have someone to share them with. With my final ounce of strength, I poured another beer into the hole in my face, felt nothing but intense loneliness and drifted away. Then I woke up and it was a wet dream. You caught the ball of the cricket man! That's glorious! Every boy's dream. Oh wow, that was beautiful. I wonder what that means. Maybe you know you're doing well in life but you still have that underlying fear of loneliness and maybe you feel like you don't deserve a partner. Shut up. The aggression at the start was interesting. So aggressive. What do you think that was about? Screaming people. I think that's got to do with just my work, my work brown. That's what you do at work. That's what he does day to day. I stand up in the office and I scan the room and I look for someone to challenge me. Gets Adam Gilchrist. Gilchrist really hit that ball bro. Oh, that's hectic as shit. All right everybody, let's move on to the great debate. Hit it brown. Oh, fuck. Here we fucking go. The great debate between mates. This is the great debate. Hate bait, Kate late. Yeah, that's good. That rhyming. I thought that was you in real life then. All right everyone, this segment caused quite a stir in episode one, dinner brown. You got a lot of death threats, didn't you? And so it's important to remember guys that the opinions shared in this segment are not actually our opinions. Michael and Matt are both just trying to win the debate. They don't actually think these things, so if you're easily offended, maybe skip on ahead and get some fucking tissues, bro, because these boys are just trying to get a win on the board, all right? They're not trying to fucking hurt anyone's feelings. They want to make clear, concise points and practice their debating skills. And today's topic, motherfuckers. Fuck off. That's very polite. Fat people are dumb. One of you's got to be full David Goggins. So one of them will be for that argument and one of them will be against that argument. They each have two minutes to make their opening argument. All right, to decide who is for the argument and who is against the argument, Michael will be spinning. Actually, I should probably spin it, otherwise I'm going to spin it. So I'm good with both ways, isn't it? So whichever the point is closest to, will be for the argument that fat people are dumb. Whoever is furthest away will be against the argument that fat people are dumb. Do you understand? And again, we are completely, I don't have an opinion on this, all right? I just thought it'd be an interesting topic to get some opinions on. Okay. Here we go. Oh, it's closest to Matt. Matt is for the argument. Matt is for the argument. I'm thankful that that wasn't me. He looks like a fucking bully. Looks like a sour internet troll right now and he's about to unleash his opinions on the world. Right, Bran, you will have two minutes. Let's start the timer. So pro is always first. Is that how it goes? That's what we decided, okay. Affirmative. Yeah, the affirmative, exactly. Okay, I've got a thing in my argument. Well, you can counter what he says because I'm sure Matt will have some great talking points on this. Okay, I've got it. All right. Your two minutes, Matt, begins now. Oh, fucking hell. Mom. Wife fat people are dumb. Fuck hell. Come on, Matt. Times are ticking, baby. Or clearly being fat. Can I use a word obese? I'm going to use a word obese. Being obese clearly puts you in a grave so much earlier than everyone else. Dumb. Fat means you can't swim in the ocean because you're sick. Dumb. I thought fat people could float them or not. They're not. They sink because they're fucking heavy. Okay, all right. Idiot. What else? Why else are they dumb? Because it makes them slow. Fat people, if you're too fat, you're too slow, too dumb. Yeah, but why does slow make them dumb? Why is it dumb to be slow? If you go on a safari and you get out of the car and you can't get back to the car and a lion's charging at you, you're slow. So you're saying you are unable to protect yourself if you're fat? You're unable to protect yourself if you are quite a large person. If you're fat, that's what you're saying. Sorry, fat. Just to be clear. Okay. And you can't do things. You can't go into small spaces. We have to get two seats on an aeroplane for you because you're too fat. That's so dumb. That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And then everyone else who gets on a treadmill and loses weight, they pay for one seat, but you get an extra seat given to you because you're too large. Dumb. Okay. And what about like fat? Does it affect the brain? Or does fat get in the brain? I don't know about that. Okay. All right. Just trying to help. But I would think that scientists say over time, eating all the shit that makes you large surely rots your brain. Okay. All right. I'm no scientist though. You got 10 seconds. Any closing points? Yeah. You're keeping him to yourself. All right. Smart. And time. All right. Some good points there. All right. So Matt's saying that, you know, fat people are dumb because they can't survive. Can't survive. Can't, you know, integrate within society. This is still my time, is it? No, no, no. Sorry. Sorry. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'll reset. And now, Michael, you have two minutes to rebut what fat people are not dumb. Okay. That's your argument. Three, two, one, begin. Matthew, you can't talk to me. Try and sell me this pen. You can't ask him to move in. So now, look, this is, this is clearly a bit of paper. Catch this dumb. Now, that clearly shows as a skinning person that they can be quite stupid. I'm quite, I was quite dumb of me to call this. I didn't realize I still think it's a pen. So it shows you're my side. It shows that people can be very stupid too. All people can be dumb. And I'm going to even say this. Not dumb. Yeah. I'm going to say it. Like, think about it this way. If you look at something more, it has room for more and more means high, big, more room for capacity of just knowledge, smartness, heaps of really cool big things, sort of better. So you're saying the bigger you are, the more like opportunities you have because there's more of you opportunities, the kids at a park as you fell over a small building holds small people, which is shit and dumb. If you have a big building, there's more room for big people. They might be fat. They might be small, but more people. But I'm going to say that bigger people can be just as smart as skinny people. And as a person who just as a skinny person who tried, I just, I still think this is a pen that proves that skinny people can be quite dumb. Yeah, but it's why fat people are not dumb. Why fat people are not dumb. Yeah, you dumb fuck. Matt, sorry. I will deduct a point Matthew Brown. More is better. So that holds more brain power in their head. They have a fatter head. Their brains are bigger. Therefore, they're better and smarter. Time. I did give Michael an extra seven seconds then just because there's a lot of talking going on. All right. Okay, so there you go. So his argument is that everyone is done and everyone should build bigger buildings for bigger fat people. Is that what we're saying here? Is that what we're fucking saying here? People have bigger heads. Therefore, bigger brains, which makes them smarter probably. All right. So he's going on an assumption. All right. You have a minute and a half to rebut his arguments or let's go a minute. Let's go a minute. Just a minute. Let's get to it. Yeah. Okay. All right. Fucking hell. All right. So Matt, you think fat people are dumb. Here's your a buttle. Go. All right. So clearly a fat person just said that. Now I'm going to take a line out of film. All right. You're fat, but you're not, but you look as though you should be. So instead of you saying skinny people can be dumb too, I think you are fat. I'm very muscly and you're very dumb. So now your point about buildings being bigger to support these people. Clearly if we build bigger buildings, bigger, more fat people than they will fucking fall down. We'll have nine 11 to and we're going to be a war in a country. And that is all caused by fat people. It's fucking dumb. I didn't see it like that. Holy shit. I'm pretty sure he's one. Okay. You got 20 seconds. And bigger heads, bigger brains, clearly not. I don't have anything to support that, but I feel deep in my soul. Fat people are dumb. Matt just said that he feels deep in his soul that fat people are dumb. Also, also I want to put one last thing to say time. Fuck. That's such a beautiful roast. Okay. All right. Final words on this. Here we go. We're going to get so much hate. Matt, everyone just a reminder that we do not actually have these views. Okay. It's just Matt Brown this whole. All right. Your rebuttal in three, two, one, go. Look, fat people to me are pretty fucking rad. Ph fat. Hell yeah. Being rad doesn't mean you're smart. You dumb. Sorry. Sorry. You can deduct all the points. It doesn't mean he's wrong. You are this close to being disqualified today. I'm about to cry. I can continue my 45 seconds left. I'm so sorry about that. Look, if we're getting, I wanted to keep this scientific, but let's go talk from the soul in our hearts. Like you said before, rad to me is fucking smart. If you are rad, you are cool, which is fucking rad. Therefore, people that are that are really smart to me in my heart. And that's sick and rad. You need to ask him more questions because they are fucking dumb. I'm trying to make sense of what he just said. So you're saying that no fucking sense. The cool people are good because if they're cool to you, that's smart. Well, fat people are rad because it's smart to be cool. It's ph fat too. Yeah. That's something. I didn't say they're not cool. I said they're fucking dumb. Time. Jesus Christ, Matthew Brown. You are fucking unbelievable today. How dare you disrespect the rules of the great debate? I may be unbelievable. We will not have this descend into chaos. Matt, another point deduction. How dare you? Two points. I didn't say anything. I can be unbelievable, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong. I'm not saying that. You need to follow the rules of the debate. You might have the right argument, but it's about the debate. Look, I didn't know there were points. Neither did I. James and I will now deliberate and decide who won, taking into account that Matt just fucking really fucked himself hard by not following the rules of the great debate. We are respectful scholars and we must, must have order. And remain scientific. All you're doing is being a censor. All right. That is something you guys stand against. I don't think we're being censors because listen to the topics we're talking about. This is a taboo subject. And you never would have had a platform to voice his opinion. Go out on the street and voice the things you just voiced. See what happens. Anyway, James, what do you reckon? I feel like Matt had better points and Michael's was mostly just incoherent rambling. But Matt did lose two points. Yeah, Michael's needs to be followed by that speech is at the end of Billy Madison, you know, with that debate. I'm not dumb or what are you talking about? Yeah, yeah. He needs that. We are all now dumb up from hearing what Michael said. He lost his way. However, however, Matt did lose two points. I start as soon as you said that I started thinking like fight scoring. I was thinking like 10, 10, nine. Yeah, I didn't know we know it would be at 10, 9, 10, 9, I think, but you just lost two points. So it's a fucking tie. Are you self-sabotaging you pussy? No, no, it's a hard argument like because it's all about brain. And like everyone, it depends on everyone's brain. So there's dumb people and there's smart fat people. So you could have been like, you could be like, yeah, but we're smart. We're big. We could, you know, we could replace weights at the gym. I was like, I was doing some cool shit with like physical items. So you're saying it's hard to argue the fact that fat people are not dumb. I would have loved some examples. I would have loved Matt Michael to say, you know what, Elon Musk's not skinny. He isn't. But he's not. Well, I'd say he's fat. He's a bit out of shape. No, I'd say he's fat. We're not talking that the topic wasn't obese. Princess Diana. Elon Musk is fat. Maybe. And you could have brought up some fat people that are fucking dumb. Princess Diana, you know, think of any. Who's a really fat, dumb person? Well, according to Matt, everyone who's fat is dumb. Michael did give an example. Is that something about buildings? Yeah, because you can hold more people in it. More brains. More building, break more heavy. What happens if it's a draw? Then they have to fight. If it's a draw, look, it's a, it's a boring dull draw this week, boys. And maybe, maybe you'll learn from this and learn to respect the rules. You have that in the bag, Matt. Yeah, I don't really care. Look, I would have gone down the argument that like, Jesus. Now knowing scientifically what we do know and what the choices we can make with our food and diet. You can take the win away from me, but we all know that I was right. Look, I tried my hardest, but I tried. But you're dumb. You're fat and you're dumb. I tried my hardest and it is, it's hard. I'm not a good debater, but look, I tried. Anyway, look, that's the great debate. If you would like to see any specific, I think topics for them to debate about, feel free to write us some suggestions in the comments as well, because we'll be reading all through the comments. So bloody drop a comment. Don't forget to give us a fucking thumbs up. And if you haven't yet smashed that subscribe button, bro, fucking smash it, bro. So it smashes in like four or five pieces and shit. And comment and tell your friends about us and shit. Cause like, we don't really like get, get any money from this. We're going to get canceled. Maybe that could, that could also be the case of smash that subscribe button, everyone, cause we get canceled at any moment. So smash it. That'd be so awesome if you could do that. And a five star review on Spotify, smash that review button. You press review and then you cut the stars come up and you scroll across. And then the smash that the last star on it, the fifth star, smash that. But not too hard. You don't want to break. No, you don't want to break your screen, bro. Anyway, let's move on. Fuck me, you were out of control. That was tough. That's, that is, that you, you were disgusting. Why? Cause I wrote the rules. Your opinions then, man. You wrote them and you yelled at the adjudicator. He deserved it. Jesus. Man, yeah. Sour internet troll. That's what you're giving with your hair like that and your glasses. He comes across as like someone who just sits at home for 20 pegs of Doritos. Are you fucking acting like CNN during that whole thing? CNN is a respectable news agency. And they've proven that especially since 2020. That's the best joke I've ever said. Don't forget to follow us on X as well. Because yeah, X and YouTube, YouTube now is, is coming good with the, with the shit you can talk about. I'm really, it's nice. It's, things are, but anyway, I'm not going to. Sorry. Shut up. All right, everybody. We're going to have a intense, hard, thick, fat bong break. Really pack it hard, sprinkle cat, this cat, we got cat. We're going to sprinkle in the bong. I'll be right back with bamboozled, the voice, male segment. How famous are we? And of course, prank call, so excited for that. Anyway, see you shortly. The break have a bong, have a bong, have a break. Here I go, baby. This is the real shit. No, no, not me. No, not again. Please. I'm so confused. I can't see. You've been bamboozled, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check it. I say you've been bamboozled, bitch. Not me, not me, not me. And we are back with the first ever segment of bamboozled and arguably our greatest jingle to any segment that we've ever recorded. It's pretty good. I must say. Hectically, shit. So this is a segment where James has selected something that you guys will know about. Matt is between Matt, Michael and I. All right. We are all going to be drinking from one straw each. One of them, one of us will be drinking something fucked. And the other two. You're really going to have to put a suck up there. Just let me explain it. Sorry. The other two. God, you're a. We'll be drinking something normal. Okay. And we all have to keep a straight face the whole time. And we have to guess who was bamboozled. And you guys know as well. I'll tell you the two liquids. Yeah. Yeah. So we'll know. We'll know what liquids were about, but we don't know which one of us has the fucks liquid that we have to drink. Okay. Will you tell us what the fuck one is? No. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. So James. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you'll know both. So I love my friends. So I want to look after you guys. And I don't want you to be having shit that's unhealthy. Right. So today on the menu, two of them is just AG1 and puro water. Okay. Down with that. Lovely. The other one is also not unhealthy. It's AG1 and white vinegar. Oh, shit. It's very challenging. Yeah, it's fine. You have it on a salad all the time. How much white vinegar did you put in this one? A considerable amount. And you need to finish your cup. Therein lies the comedy. I'm fucking finishing that. Fuck. No, James, don't even think about it. It's not too much. It'll be like, it'll be like two full sucks of the straw. But I would recommend considering you're doing vinegar. If you have a sip of vinegar, you need to get it down. Yeah. Because otherwise you're going to be like struggling for that feeling. If you just get it down, you can be like, oh, that's quite intent and try and hide the, hide the schlickones. Have you tested the straws in there like that? What do you mean? Have you tested the straws like the way they are now? Are you questioning my scientific plan? No, no, no, I just want to know if you had, because I feel like there's a lot of sucking to do with what I was saying before, before Marty yelled at me. Yeah, baby. You'll get it down. You'll get it down. We've like, we've drank through straws way longer than that. Hell yeah. See? Have we? Yeah, in Las Vegas they have straws longer than that. Yeah, they put it in a fucking yard. Even they send those yard sticks in Vegas. They're shaped in the letter C. It's a pole. It's like a pole. Anyway. That's from Matt's washing line. So, oh really? Yeah. That's why I'm worried. No, trust me. I've cleaned them. I've rinsed them all with hot water. And you've blown out to make sure nothing will go in. Yeah, promise you. There was the one that had spider in it. I threw it out and got another one. Okay. All right, so did you clean that one? Should we, should we all take it in turns to drink so the other two can observe? So why don't we do that? And I like the idea of you guys mixing up the one, two, three. It shouldn't always just be Michael, Marty, Matt. Because then it's like, I can just choose who I want to fuck with that week. It's true. So you guys will know which one of these straws has the fucked ingredient. Okay, so now everyone knows which one the fucked straw is. We will now pick the order. All right, Matt, where would you like to go? First, second, or third? Yeah. Why do you choose me? Oh, we don't have to. Michael, where would you like to go? Second. Second? I'll go first. Oh, firsty, first, firsty. I'll go third then. All right, Brown's up. Here we go. So the brand, you must keep a straight face. How are you going to watch? You go there for Kalani like a lily. I'm just going to look like this. I'm going to look like this and then I can watch. But oh, I'll just go from where I, because if I go from over there, you can pick whichever straw, right? You don't have to see me. You can pick whichever straw you want. Oh, okay. Oh, so you were picking the order, the order. Yeah. Okay. I say, yeah, cool. So you can choose one, two, or three. We'll try and face it this way. You get to go first to the main. Lucky boy. The one's involved on it. There you go. It's easier for you to turn to. Can the others bluff? What happens? What happens if Matt drinks something? I can smell vinegar. What happens if he drinks something delicious and he's like... He makes a face. Yeah, true. You know? Yeah, look, if this, if this is shit saying when guys let us know as well. Okay. Let's just see what happens here. Let's just see what happens. I say we all try and keep a straight face. Let's just all do our best. Straight face. I don't know, I don't know which one it is now. Okay. Three, two, one. Suck like you want a promotion. You were sucking the, you pushed it so hard into the cup that you couldn't get any liquid. Dug at all? Yep. Fuck me. This is hard. God's face. Don't sniff the straws. You're not allowed. Okay. I'm just going to go to the one that I believe. Dug, man. I can just, I feel like... No, just do it. Just lift it up. Lift it up the tiniest bit. Like, tiny bit and then drink. Not bad. Oh, I wish I could have seen his face because he's looking at me. Okay. Now, how was that? I like to keep my clad's... Fuck, clad's clothes. My clad's clothes. My clad's clad's. Oh shit, baby. Oh, this is hard, man. Okay. I reckon we do a three, two, one, and then you say the name. Oh, you just point. Okay. Fuck. Three, two, one. Wow, we've all picked... I think, my god, Matt's picked Marty. Marty's picked me. Okay, we have... It was me. It was Marty. Oh, fuck. Well done, Marty. Marty, that was impressive. Oh, my god, dude. Oh, my god, dude. Oh, my god, dude. Oh, my god, dude. That was a lot of finnigin' to do. Fucks, man. Oh, my god. Oh, man. Matt picked it, so Michael loses. Fuck that, eh? And he drinks it. And he drinks out of this straw. Is that vinegar in there? No, I wish it was. Everything tastes like vinegar now. Oh, man. Okay, so as the loser, Michael now has to get on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. Really? I'll give it a go. It feels like a need something. But be like... Don't ask for forgiveness from us. You ask for forgiveness from the winds. They're the ones you let down. Dude, I can't fucking... That is so intense. Oh, my god. I'm so glad that was not me. How much vinegar did you put in? A lot. How much? No, not a cup. You can hurt us. Like, as I put as much as I put water for them, so it was like that much of a wine glass. Please, give me forgiveness. All right, everyone. Let us know what you thought of that segment. And if you want us to discontinue it, we only stop it. Although, we only do it every week. Tor, no, too, I like... It's not always going to be eating and drinking. It is going to also be touching things. Oh, I don't want to do that. Okay, yes. All right, so anyway. I've got some fucked up ideas in the list. There's a tarantula in the house. I'm fucking terrified. But we can't not do it because that fucking jingle is the greatest thing in the world. It is a beautiful jingle. Also, like, I can't wait for the hot sauce day because that's going to be hilarious. Anyway, fuck, man, that is so rank. We smell, here we come. Michael was bamboozled. So was Marty, sort of. Yeah, you were so... We'll both bamboozle a bit. No, I knew, I knew. Ring it with your ring! Fuck. This is a segment, guys, where we give you guys a topic and you call in and leave your voicemails, leave your texts. Sometimes we answer to the number 04666. Seems like that was. Zero two. Zero two. She really got a lot more time. I can't believe I said that one just once more. That is so fucking gross. Yeah, we felt gross when I was dumb. In the first episode, we asked for people to send in their stories of their bender injuries. That's what we're going to play now and then we'll fucking give you this new topic to speak about after. All right, let's play some of these. Hey, boys. So, my name's Christian, I've been listening to you since like episode one of the podcast of a very fucking long time. I was a little historic here. Don't necessarily know if the cunt was drunk or hung over the next day, but he was at work, I'm a late Christian, he's a late Christian, and he was trying to pick a little switch out of a plate that normally goes on a wall and he was prying and prying and the cunt was, he was a weird cunt, eh? He was prying and prying and he managed to somehow pop the switch off of the plate and shove the fucking screwdriver into his fucking nostril. Into his fucking snout. Oh, close. Now it's all got like a little flat blade screwdriver, sharp as all bark, like straight into his nose. Into his nose. Yeah, it's the fuck, man. It's got in his head. But yeah, I don't know if the cunt was, you know, necessarily drunk, but he was definitely hung over some up before. But, yeah, he's a fuck. He's a fuck. Wow, Christian. So he's like this, like trying to jam it, and he's putting it back. Oh, and put the metal part up his nostril. Oh, thank you, Christian. All right, let's move on to another one. Oh, that's rough. Just calling. This is an emergency contact for Matt Brown. This is a fake prank call. Going to need someone to come pick him up. He's being caught actually at the concrete pump. Pumping concrete up his arse. I don't work with pumping concrete pumps. So I'm not too sure what's going on exactly. But one of you guys can get down here ASAP. Oh my god. I'll go. All right. We all know that's fake. One, John Terry is a soccer player who played for Chelsea. Two, I don't work with concrete pumps. I send the concrete to the pumps. Sort of maybe. I don't know. I'm in an office. You know, the whole thing's a lie. Sorry. So it takes from an unknown number. Bender accident. Blacked out from a three-day bender on Xanax and Speed. Woke up in the hospital and got taller being hit by a train. I only had bruises in the size of my whole thigh. So I signed myself out and got back on the bender, eating all my endones and more Xanax and Speed. Anonymous, please. Anonymous, please. No, no, the little hidden details. No context. Just got hit by a train. I think it's my train. That's how you got back on it. That is like, that's like. Dude, would you put an imagine high-fiving train? Would that rip your arm off? You'd fucking break an ankle. I disagree. What is it, wrist? Do you break a wrist? Just give you go with it. Yeah, but like, yeah. As long as you train at full speed. Get your palm. You'd snap something. A train at full speed. Yeah, you'd probably fucking do hand damage. You'd probably lose a hand. Yeah, fuck. All right, so those are the bender stories. So maybe we just need to think of some more. Is that all there was? That's all I saw, yeah. We're going to have to find a better way to organize them, I think. Should we just dilly-dally from the dumb? Lots of messages, just random shit. Yeah, lots of funny voicemails and messages. So keep them coming, guys. So remember, we are two weeks ahead. So if you suggest something now, it won't be played until two weeks time, like two episodes time, okay? What did we say to everyone last week? I don't remember. The topic. Need to write that on the board. For this week that we want people to call in and tell us your stories, how you lost your virginity. I want to hear all about it. I want to hear what happened. I want to hear if you were shit, if you sprinkled your mints before the time had elapsed. Yeah, well maybe it's going to be two. And try and keep it coded, because if it's two, if you use the sex words too much, yeah, we'll have to censor it. Oh, it's just a story. So just have like maybe use mints and those sort of code words. How was your virginity losses? Oh man. I haven't lost mine. Mine was, yeah, shit. Yeah, it's always disappointing normally. Oh really? No, mine was beautiful. Well, I picked up on a night out and Henry peer pressured me to. But it's always good. I needed it. Was that the one where you couldn't get out of the house? Yeah, so as I entered the house, I left all the doors slightly ajar. And then as soon as she fell asleep, I legged it out of the house. And then we were coaching the next morning. Yeah, the door was open. He was so fucked. He said. It was literally air swinging. Yeah, the children were like, what's wrong with him? Oh man. He's just sick. He's got the flu. They're sick. Kids are going to play on that. He drained of his nutrients. Yeah. Oh man. Was yours nice? Nice girl. Very pretty, but no. I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Oh yeah, no one. I don't think anyone knows. What about you? Surely you knew what you were doing, bro. He was in Palm Beach. Fuck, it was in Palm Beach. How did you know? In an abandoned hotel. No, it wasn't quite built yet. No. That's part of the story, but it wasn't in the hotel. Oh yeah, you pointed it out to me once. Go on, let's hear it. No, no. No, come on. You guys didn't get it. Come on, man. That's just with my first ever girlfriend. Did you ever say with my first cousin? Who was it? No. Yeah, no. It's just with my first girlfriend and we took dunas or blankets down the beach on Palm Beach. How old were you? You were only a young pup, still, eh? I think I was 15. Oh man, that's a little brown. You're a child. You're a child. How old was the girl? 15. 15. You had sex with a child? It's fully... Oh wait, yeah, it's legal when you're a child. You had sex with a child? Lost it. Do you shit that? I think I was about to faint. That sounded like an emotion. That fucking hurt. Oh my god. Anyway, let's move on from those stories. So yeah, call the number 04-666-020-303 and tell us how you lost your virginity and send us pictures of your s**t. Let's see how many s**t pics we can get. We're not going to show any of them. But I just want to see how many s**t pics we can get. Send them through. Come on. Hard, soft, f**ked, ripped up, torn, shredded up s**t. Send them through. You're going to have to bleep all that too, I just realised. Send your s**t through to the number on s**t or through it. So when we show it to our wives, they think it's weird. Send your Richards. We can say that. What's sure for Richard? Send that. Now send your s**t. Two. All right, let's move along and find out. Just how famous are we? Fame, fame, I'm on fame. What's my name? It's not a game. What's fame? What's my name? It's not a game. I need fame. That's good too. All right, guys. Is that loud for you? No, it was actually quite quiet. Pleasant. Subtle. A subtle little flong. All right, guys. So as you know, we are testing every week. We go up in celebrity and we message someone. And if we get a reply, that means we are equal to that celebrity and we move on to the next last week. We dared message one of Australia's most well-known comedians, Dave Husey-Huse. All right, now let's see if he has replied. Did he reply? All right. So we messaged him last week during the podcast and we said, Husey, quick question, got a bit of an opportunity. Where are you based? To get a reply. And not two hours later, did we get a reply? Melbourne right now, often in Sydney. What's up? You've been bamboozled. Equal to us. Now, Michael was cringing a lot and we're like, fuck, we need to make something up now. So I went ahead and did that. Michael. You're broken. So he said, what's up? So I said, okay, no worries. There's a large YouTuber series being made and potentially filmed in Brisbane later this year. Over 100 million subscribers collectively between the contestants. They're looking for an Aussie comedian to host and we got asked if we had any suggestions. You came to mind. Totally fine if it's not your thing though. So I'm trying to like throw him off the track a bit. But he replies again and says, I'm interested. What do we do now? So maybe we have to create that event. Yeah, we might have to do that event. Or I replied again and just said, too easy, mate. I'll keep you posted. So I think that we just kind of wait a bit and then we say, oh, hey, kind of it fell through. And then done. People clip this, send it to him. People would never do that. Stop being ridiculous. We apologize. I reckon we create this event now so we can do it. Yeah. So we can get out of there tomorrow in the morning. He thinks it's so radio, doesn't he? Nice talk to you there. Oh, yeah. But like he's busy. Yeah. He's not going to he's not going to stress about last day. Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought. He's doing well. I don't think we need to worry. And you know, it was only over the course of half a day that we got his hopes up a bit. I've got a theory about Dave Hughes. I think he is a fan of Marty and Michael because he always replies. He's interested. Well, he's our father. He's not shy. He did some videos saying. Yeah, I'm going to put it out there. I reckon he's very interested in you, too. He's our father. Anyway, let's who shall we who is a step above Dave Hughes' fame? That's hectic. Peter Sterling. Is he above Dave Hughes? I don't know. Oh, is that that football guy? Paramata Eels. I don't think it. No, I don't. I don't think he'd be very active on Instagram. He's not. He's not. He's not. Yeah. He doesn't even come up. He doesn't even come up. He doesn't even come up. So we could message one of our influencer, another influencer, or we could go down like the kind of mainstream, like on TV, corn that day. What about Carl? Carl Stepanovich? It's not bad. Is he bigger than Dave? What about you say? Or what about Carl Sander? He's too big. That's too big. I feel like Carl Sander is another step up. Yeah, definitely. All right. So we're going to Carl Stepanovich now. Is there someone in between Dave and Carl, though? Carl's pretty big. Oh, he's on every morning. I like Carl. Yeah. I'm scared we're going too big, too fast, because Carl's definitely big. Maybe we go like, what about like, let's think, maybe we've got to include women, too. Michael? Like. Okay, sorry. Fucking hell. No. Okay. That's dumb. So dumb. Oh, what about Jessica Malboy if we're going on a woman? I feel like she's a level above Dave Hughes. She's an Australian Idol. And she's probably not bigger than Carl. Guy Sebastian. He's bigger. Yeah, guys, big. Yeah, yeah. Now, surely is international. Maybe we go Jessica Malboy then. Guy Sebastian. M-A-U-B-O-Y. So she is a musician. A nice for those overseas. M-A-U-B-A-B-O-Y, right? Malboy. M-A-U-B-O-Y, I don't know. All right. Let's see here. Oh, follow back. Nah, just kidding. She doesn't follow us. All right. So first I will follow her. Now we follow Jessica Malboy. And now we must construct the message that she will reply to. Hey, Jess, what about this? Why don't we... Okay, hear me out. We throw a hail Mary. We'll be like, hey, Jess, just spoke to... And we say a name. And then we hope that there's someone in her life. Like, everyone knows... Everyone knows a... We just spoke to Ricky Lee. Maybe. Because she's fucking... We probably know each other. Just spoke to Ricky. Yeah, 100% they would. Just spoke to Ricky Lee. She told us the sickest story about you. Like, you're a mad... I'm thinking like someone in her management. Like, what about... Like, surely everyone knows a fucking... What's her super common... Jess. Everyone... There is not anyone... Her name's Jess, though. Oh, yeah, true. I forgot about that. But you're trying to use her name. You're just trying to throw any name out? Yeah, any name. Go to her Instagram, see who she follows, and just pick a name. Okay, yep. And just say the first name. So I said, hey, Jess. Got a bit of an opportunity. Oh, my God. Who is best to talk to within your management? Loving your new tunes, by the way. Scent. That's very good. It is now sent, okay? All right. Now, let me just... Oh, she's going to have the follow notification followed by the message as well. Your time is there for us to waste. Picking up your phone was your first mistake. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It's prank call time. And this week... Very good. Margaret. It's her son's Bront's 14th birthday. I guess. And she would like a space to host a birthday party for him. But the problem is, him and his friends are all heavily autistic. Yeah. Well, yeah. Like, we all are. So is she, dude. So is she. Wait, is this fucked? Is this too fucked? Hi. Can I help you today? Hello, Petra. My name's Margaret. Look, I'm just after a booking for my son. It's his birthday coming up towards the end of the month. And I was just wondering, he's interested in bringing his friends. He's been to the hospital before. He just absolutely loved it. He came home raving about it. He told me and he swiped all of it. Oh, my God. Had an absolute bore. And I hadn't been able to get him to talk about anything else, to be honest. So, yeah, I was just wondering, if he comes along with a few friends, is this something we need to book in for? Okay, there would be just another thing. There would be a few of them. So he's got a few friends. So just to be quite transparent with you, he has a few learning difficulties. And so do a lot of his friends. So they're on the slower side. And some of their behaviors can be kind of questionable. So is it possible to kind of have their group go through the hotel and do all the hijinks sort of on their own, or will there be other people kind of interacting with them? Okay, so what are the hijinks rooms? You're in your own groups in each room, if that makes sense. So they won't be playing with strangers or anything like that. They'll just be in their own group. Right, okay. And some of them need to stay in their rooms. Great, and just some of the boys, yeah, some of their behavior is a little bit questionable. There's one boy there that I'm particularly worried about. I do have a carer coming with us, but sometimes he kind of lashes out a little bit. And you can sort of seem losing control and he might lash out. But he's usually quite a friendly, lovely boy. But just every now and then, he kind of loses it. Is there a way to kind of inform your staff about that? Give me one moment. I'll try to get a manager on this for you. Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you so much. If you'd like to discuss it, just one moment. Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. So, Ryan, speaking from... Hello, Alois. Look, yeah, so it's for my son and he has a few friends. And so my son has a few learning difficulties. He's on the slower end and so are all of his friends. Now, some of them have some strange kind of behaviors. So I was just speaking to the other lady and kind of inquiring if the staff will be interacting with them and if that's something that's okay. Just some of the behavior that some of them have, it's just a little bit confronting sometimes. But we will have a carer there with us to make sure that everything runs smoothly. So how does that go there? Yeah. Yeah, that's okay. Like, we'll just brief our team and let them know that we have what's happening today. But they'll be looked after like any other guest would. Okay, great. Yeah, maybe let them know. In particular, one of the boys, he kind of rips his hair out. He's got a tendency to just kind of start ripping his hair out. And it's just, it's disgusting to look at and he just really loses control. And if he loses one of the games, there's a good chance that he really lose control and rip large, large sums of hair out of his fucking head. And it's just really uncomfortable to witness. So if you could just brief the staff on that, that would be great. Yep. Yeah, and just one of the other boys too, he's got quite a large tongue. So it's kind of sits out of his mouth. And a lot of people think that he's poking his tongue out. But really, he just looks like he's just fucking doing a rude little fucking fat boy when really it's just, he can't help it. I understand, yes. Yeah, so, and it's just that kind of behaviour. But my son, he's great. Most of the boys are okay. They're just a bit quiet. But one of them's a bit grabby. He'll grab and I've been walking past him before and he just, he shot his hand out and his hand wrapped around my arm and he pulled me in and then he grabbed my back fat. Okay, wow. Yeah, so just, I just thought I'd call ahead and let you guys know kind of the range of behaviours that will be on display there. But like I said, I'll be with one of the other parents and there will be a carer there. But just one of the boys, he's just this big, he's this big tall, wide boy and he's just always dirty and he's just, he's cross-eyed and he can barely speak and it's just really hard to look at him and he doesn't make any sense. He doesn't make any sense when you talk to him. And it's just kind of frustrating sometimes to be around, you know. Well, I mean, their team will do as best as they can. As long as they, I mean, they're not going to be like violent towards any guests, are they? No, no, no, no. So that's what the care is there for. And we have millions of kind of controlling them when they kind of spaz out a little bit and lose their shit. So it should be completely fine. But I just thought I'd call ahead and just make sure that the staff are aware that if we say to the staff, like, could you please leave, that they leave kind of immediately, just because there's this one boy in particular, he's just, he's so overwhelmingly dumb and he's just, he opens his mouth and there's nothing but nonsense and dribble. I'm sick. Okay. Yeah, but so what kind of dates do we have available here for this? It's me sick to think about. And it's, it's just, Is there anything available? Yeah, next available. Yeah. I've tried to get my son to invite other friends, but he's just really, he spends a lot of time with these boys and there's nothing much I can do about him, unfortunately. Yeah. I see. Yeah. How do they do it? Yeah, that would be great. What time of the day would there be the least amount of people in there? Yeah. Right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's a tough one because, you know, everyone's available on the Saturday, but obviously I don't want to take this group of boys around in public where they can slash out and spit in one of them, one of them drills. He drills like a fuck and that fucking makes me sick. So the least amount of people, would you say around lunchtime or more than nighttime sessions? It took a lot of that. I'm just listening to your rant to be like, okay. I wonder if he puts you on loudspeaker towards him. Fuck me, man. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, man. And just to be clear, I don't hate any intellectually disabled people. Shut up. You're the most hated person towards them. Fat dumb. Fat dumb, boy. No, I didn't say them. I said them. Oh, man. Oh, fuck, dude. That was, that was good. He handled that well. That was hard, man. He's hard. He handled that very well. Dude, the amount of spit on the phone, he had to wipe it. Very professional. That guy needs a promotion. Yeah, baby. Yeah, Elias. I didn't know Elias worked there. All right, guys. Hope you enjoyed episode three. Next week, we got our other half of our segments coming. Please let us know what you think of these current segments and if you want us to fuck any shit off or fucking keep some shit or whatever, don't forget to like, comment and fucking ablary that subscribe button, bro. Oh, oh, oh. Fucking, fucking jump up and with your knees and land on it, bro. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best. We're the best, best, best. Next week, we're the best.