 Craft presents the Great Gildersleeve. Craft cheese company who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night present each week at this time Harold Perry as the Great Gildersleeve, written by Leonard L. Levinson. We'll hear from the Great Gildersleeve in just a moment. But first, a tip for you men folks who love macaroni and cheese. If you hanker for light macaroni with cheese goodness all through and through, better mention craft dinner to the little woman. For with craft dinner she can make swell macaroni and cheese in just seven minutes cooking time. You see the craft dinner package holds a special kind of macaroni that cooks tender in seven minutes by the clock. And then you sprinkle the cheese goodness all through it with the craft grated that also comes in the craft dinner box. You're all set, ready to fork in. Sounds swell? It is. Just say to your wife, let's have that quick made macaroni and cheese. Craft dinner. Remind her to buy craft dinner tomorrow. And now let's join the Great Gildersleeve who's listening in the reception room at one of the Summerfield radio stations while his friend Judge Hooker is finishing his regular daily talk on the child in the home and what to do about it. Oh, we say the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. So in conclusion, remember all you dear mothers. Oh, hurry up you old gas bag. Remember that as the tree is bent the tree is inclined. Now he's branching off into forestry. Let us not forget that point in molding the little mind. You've certainly got a moldy little mind, Judge. And now I see that my time is up. So until you next get around your radio. With an axe in your hand. This is Judge Horace Hooker inviting you to sit in your child's problem. And you'll get a childish answer. Until then, good evening. Yes, maybe now we can get home and have some dinner. Imagine any silly woman listening to us. Now you are going to have to excuse me, ladies. I must dash away. It was so sweet of you to drop in. Yes, simply peachy. Come on, Judge. All right, Gillie. Goodbye, girls. Goodbye, girls. Sometimes I don't understand women and this is one of the times. What do you mean, Strockmorton? Well, how can they listen to advice on raising children, a macrabby old goat who hasn't any kids of his own? What's that got to do with it? Just because a hen lays them doesn't mean she's a judge of eggs, does it? I don't know about that. You lay them too and you're certainly an egg judge. I know what's troubling you, Gillie. You're just jealous. Jealous? Me? Of what? Of the popularity I've achieved on the air. Every time you hear some woman praise my program, you look as green as a pickle and twice as sour. I do not. I wouldn't be jealous of you, if you deserved all this silly attention you've been getting. Oh, now I don't deserve what I'm getting. No, and you're not getting what you deserve, either. I'd bet a hundred dollars you wouldn't last a month if people had any other program to tune in on instead of yours. Oh, you would, would you? Are you talking through your hat or do you mean that, Gillie? Of course I mean it. Okay, put your money where your mouth is. Yes, sir. What money? You just bet me a hundred bucks I won't stay on the air a month. Wait a minute. That isn't what I said at all. Oh, crawling out of it, huh? Backwatering. Backwatering? I, George, I'm not. I'll go through with it. It's a bet. Okay, shake. No, sir. This is going to be a grudge bet. We'll seal the deal by not shaking hands. And the worst part about the whole bet, Leroy, is that I was so excited I forgot to ask for odds. Is that way of writing all those letters to station WVU, telling them Judge Hooker should be playing snooker? But how else can I win? Why don't you get the station to put you on the air instead of the judge? What could I do, my boy? Well, maybe you could tell jokes. Who? Me? Tell jokes on the radio? What do you think I am, Leroy? A comedian? No, but, gee, there must be something you could do. You used to sing, didn't you, John? Yes, in college. In fact, when I was young, I had operatic aspirations. You did? Did they hurt much, Uncle Moore? Only the neighbors, my boy. Although for a while I thought I was going to be another carousel. You mean the neighbors wanted to put you on a desert island? No, Leroy, not Robinson Crusoe, Enrico Caruso. He was a very famous tenor. What stopped you from being a famous tenor, Uncle? I was a baritone. You know, all this brings back memories of my old singing professor, Senor Tomás Volcón. Oh, Spaniard? Now, Leroy, he was Portuguese from Brazil. I still remember how he would talk to me. Rock Morton, he would say, if only Jew had less fortissimo in the pianissimo, your merendo wouldn't have so much crescendo. What did he mean, Uncle? I never found out, but I think it was a Portuguese compliment. Yeah, I'm convinced you're still as well, singer, Uncle Morton. You are? When do you hear me sing? Well, every time you take a bath. Yes. Why, yesterday morning, Bertie stopped to listen to you, and she said she never heard anything like it. It? Say, why don't you sing on the air? Oh, Leroy. Do you really think I could? Sure. Why don't you try the rival radio station to WVU? You mean KQQQ? Well, I never thought of that. What would I sing? Well, if you want the ladies to listen to you, instead of Judge Hooker, you'd better sing mushy love songs. Well, I have got a romantic voice. When the boo-boo of the boo-boo. I have got a romantic voice, all right. Too bad I haven't got the figure to go with it. Say, Uncle Morton. Huh? Why don't you be a mystery man, and wear a mask, like the Lone Ranger? Oh, yes, a mask might help. And there's an evening cape somewhere around the house, too. And you could pretend you're a Brazilian, like your teacher, the senior. Senor. By George, this is beginning to look like a very good idea, my boy. Of course, we'll have to keep it all a secret. Not very dignified of me, you know. George, now all you need is a different name. Something Portugal and romantical. Portugal and romantical, let me see. How about Ricardo? Ricardo? Yeah. Not bad at all. Sounds like the name of a cigar. What do you think I'm smoking? Does this hat look all right, Leroy? Sure, Uncle, it's a super-duper. Now, wrap the cape around your clothes so you don't look so spread out. How's that? That's swell. Now, the mask, there. It's warm under here. I hope this doesn't slip down when I hear the high note. Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. Well, I guess it's all right. Now, don't forget your Brazilian accent, Uncle. Oh, no, my boy. Well, as they say in Portuguese, a views represent... Gee, what does that mean? That's goodbye in Brazil. Oh, well, carbonic acid, Uncle. What's that, Leroy? That's goodbye in any language. Oh, for corn sake, Leroy. You go back and sit in the car, young man. Hello, KQQQ, the voice of Summerfield. One moment, madam. Hello, KQQQ. Good evening, Senorita. Oh! I am demanding to see the menager. Oh, my goodness, what's this? A hold-up. What do you mean? Oh, he's the mask? No, Senorita. I know hold-up Jew, and don't Jew hold-up me. Where is the manager of this radio station? Mr. News Bowser is right in there in the studio. Ah, muchas gracias, Senorita. Eh, manager News Bowser? Yeah? Senorita, the time has come. From now on, today is Pink Letter Day for the station, KQQQ. And because it was the day Ricardo, the mysterious romantic Brazilian baritone, she's first make the show up to sing. Oh, you're a singer. Sure. I am the best baritone this side, the Amazon River. And on the other side, she's no better also. Well, you'll have to give us an audition someday. Audition? Sure. No time like the President. Please, do have a sit down and relax a minute, eh? I will play and sing for Jew like thank goodness Jew never heard up to lately. Sweet girl of my dreams, hear my song I implore you. Soul of my soul, hear my guest serenade. Oh, I can't stand it, it's too beautiful. You like, Senor? Terrific, no? Say, that's wonderful. Who are you anyway? I am not anyway. I am Ricardo. Oh boy. The Eddys Nelson of South America. Say, what are you doing here in Summerfield? Well, perhaps there is in the city a Senorita for whom my heart she beats pat pat pat pat pat. Who should be telling? Oh, I see. Romance. I am not saying yes and I am not saying, uh-uh. Do you want me on your station? Well, that depends on how much money you want. What I care for money. All I want is to sing every day from five to six. Fine, but that's not such a good time. That's when Judge Hooker talks over WVU, the rival station. What I care for George Hooker. You wait and look. Once Ricardo starts singing, no one listen to George. This Hooker, she will get the hook. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight it is KQQQ's extreme pleasure to introduce for the first time on the air that sensational Brazilian baritone, the masked mystery of melody, Ricardo. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. For my first song, I will sing a delicate ballad, Ricardo, which he's meaning in plain English. Ladies and girls, good night. Greetings from Ricardo, the singing loafer. For my first song, I will murder you with a lovely ballad, la recita. It's girl of my dreams. Hear my song, I implore. All of my soul. Hear my guest serenade. Two clubs. KQQQ last night. What do you mean, Ricardo? Oh, yes, he's simply divine. Everybody in town is talking about him, two spades. Oh, yes, isn't he? Why does one need to get the most romantic accent? I like it because it's so foreign. He's from Brazil and I'm just too no trump. Hey, have you heard him mozac yesterday? Say, who is this, Ricardo? You know Miss Callaghan. Well, I'm one of the owners of the station, but all I can find out is that he sneaks into the studio wearing a wide brimmed hat down over his eyes and a cloak up to his chin and a mask across his face. Sounds like a combination of Superman, the Shadow and Red Riders. Oh, I mean, he's just the awesomeest thing with great thick brown eyes and long, long lashes, three no trump. And a willowy figure. Oh, I heard he had blonde hair with blue eyes and the most athletic build. Oh, nasty quiz. He isn't really a real Brazilian. She claims he comes from someplace in South America for no trump. No, I certainly have to listen. What time is he on? At the same time as Judge Hooker. Only from now on, I'm going to listen to Ricardo. Oh, so am I. Me too. I just love to listen to his voice. It's got a quality in it. They just make my scalp tingle five no trump. Adios, lovely ladies. I want to thank you for the fan letters, the telephone numbers and everything. Tomorrow at the same time, I'll be with you again. Oh, how I'll be with you again. A fan mail, my boy. He's all for Ricardo. Oh, can I have some, Uncle Ricardo? Leroy, of course you can. Try that chocolate fudge cake, huh? Gee, did you see the card with us? Just to show you what a little oven can do. From Miss Rosita Callaghan. Little oven. That old maid. Say, she and her brother own that row of stores we've been trying to buy. Gosh, maybe now you can get it for a song, huh? No, Leroy. She wouldn't like it if she learned the truth. Oh, Mrs. Yeltsmeade, you've got visitors. Oh, who is it, Bertie? There's a gentleman and awful Judge Hooker. Yeah, I'll be right there. Hide the pastry, my boy. Okay, I've got a swell place to hide it, Uncle. Here's where I collect a hundred bucks from Judge Hooker. Oh, hello, Judge. How's Mother's little helper these days? I understand that since KQQ has had this wonderful new singer, you're getting as much attention as Father gets on Mother's Day. Gilly, we came to talk to you about that, fella. Oh, you know Pat Callaghan, don't you? Oh, yes. Hello, hello. We've had an important real estate deal pending for a long time, haven't we, Callaghan? Well, I can wait, Gilles' leave. We represent a group of substantial citizens who are fed up with this singer, Ricardo. Yes, we dislike his effect on our women, folks. All they do is listen to Ricardo and talk about Ricardo and dream about Ricardo. Oh, no. Oh, yes. Man comes home from work tired and hungry. What does he get? Ricardo. Is that... is that bad? Terrible. Look at my sister. Just because her name's Rosita and this bum of a baritone sings a theme song called Rosita, she thinks she's wobbling to her. As a result, what happens? I catch her bacon cakes for this guy with sugar she got with my ration book. But why have you boys come to me? Well, you haven't any women folk who'd put you in the doghouse if they found out what you'd done. Why don't you get Judge Hooker to do something? Oh, I'm in a peculiar position. Everybody would think I was jealous. Yes, and everybody would be right. Look, I'm through horsing around, Gilda Sleeve. Do you still want to buy that property at your own price? Well, of course. Then first you've got to see that there's wandering minstrel starts wandering again, understand? Yes, I'm afraid so, but I really hate to do it. Why, Gilda Sleeve? Well, if I succeed in removing this wonderful artist with a golden voice from the radio, good music in this country is going to be set back another ten years. The great Gilda Sleeve will be with us again in just a few minutes. Meanwhile, let's consider the chicken or roast you have left over from dinner today. Not quite enough for dinner tomorrow? Well, let me tell you how to stretch and glamorize what is left into a thrifty main dish. Cream the leftover meat and serve it in a delicious ring of macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese that you cook in just seven minutes. You do it with a product called Kraft Dinner. In every box of Kraft Dinner, there's a special quick cooking macaroni. Also, some Kraft grated that puts the cheese flavor through and through in a jiffy. Just seven minutes at the stove and you have fluffy tender macaroni drenched in cheese goodness. For a smart macaroni ring, press the macaroni and cheese into a ring mold. Let it stand for a few minutes, unmold on a platter, and pour your cream meat into the center. A very exciting looking thrifty dish. Kraft Dinner itself costs very little, so stock up tomorrow on several packages of Kraft Dinner. Now back to Uncle Mort, who by now is about half dead from leading a double life. As Ricardo the Romeo from Rio, he's got the wives of Summerfield throwing rocks at their husbands. And as Brock Morton P. Gilderslave, he's promised to run Ricardo out of town. But at the moment, Ricardo is still going to town. And so once more, Ricardo, she's saying adios caras lindas, which means in the language of my country, bye bye all you sweet ladies. My art and me, we stop beating each other till we meet again. Good night. You, Ricardo, that program was absolutely top. Top? Oh yes, tops is yoyos, what has been grounded. No, it was wonderful. All the telephone lines are simply flooded with messages for you. Just messages? No more cookies? Oh yes, lots of them too. Wait a minute, Ricky, before you sneak out the back way again, I'd like to talk business with you. No, Mr. Newsbuzzle, music and business, she's done mixed. So I am keeping the music and giving you the business. No, hold on, don't go. I'm not going to keep asking you to reveal your identity or even take off that mask, but I'm in a spot and I need your help to get off of it. Sorry, but Ricardo is not spot remover. No, this is serious. One of our biggest stockholders phoned up and said that if I didn't arrange a meeting between the masked baritone and her, she'd fire me. Oh, what a dory trick. She's waiting to see you, Ricky. You'll go out and meet her, won't you? Just save my job. Well, okay, but only because there's an awful dory trick on you. Well, Swell, the lady's name is Rosita Callaghan. Rosita Callaghan? Oh, that's an awful dory trick on me. I am supposed to be having a disappointment with Senorita Rosita Callaghan. Are you him? Oh, yes. And you, Ricardo, I recognize you immediately by your mask. Oh, come in, come in. Well, what are you afraid of? We're all alone. That's what I'm afraid of. Oh, well, don't just stand there. Come in. Thank you. Oh, I've got a lovely dinner just for the two of us. I've prepared it all with my own little hands. I'm very sorry, but I never eat such big dinners. Oh, won't you take off your hat and your case and your mask? Oh, no, we have such nice visitation and I got to leave. At Shakespeare, he say, partying is such sweet sorrow. Goodbye, maybe I see you the way after tomorrow. Oh, please don't leave so soon. But I got to go. It's not safe in this city. All the men's are jealous. They are going for me with a rope. A rope? Certamente. They tell me if I'm not left summer-feel by noon tomorrow, they'll all take me out to Lynch. The men are your brother George Hooker and lots of jealous fellows. Well, the women of this town will have something to say about that. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. That's my brother. He mustn't find you here. Lady, you are saying you're out of school. Oh, great. Now hide someplace. Get under the sofa. Sofa? Madam, I am a singer, not a midget. Which way is the back door? Through the dining room and hurry. I'll start at the birth of the dentist. Yeah, yeah. Goodbye, Cindy. If I never see you some more, the pleasure is all mine. Birdie, must you sing that song? Well, it ain't compulsory, Mr. Gillespie, but it might have pretty. That's the song that Ricardo Boy used to sing. Oh, yes, Ricardo Boy, huh? Uh-huh. He might have been a foreigner, but he sure had a nice domesticated voice. Any news in the paper? Uh, let's see. Brazilian baritone missing. Fail to appear on schedule program last evening. Power play feared. Women's Storm City Hall. Police Chief Ken Dolan orders dragnet. Well, then he show his agonist. And at time, they orders a dragnet drug. That means the worst has already happened. Now, now, Birdie, don't let this thing upset you. After all, a man was just a gypsy who probably tired of summer field and merely rolled up his tent and stole away. Well, he's over about half the way, too. Well, if you excuse me, I'll just finish my dusting later. Oh, my goodness, Birdie, too. Well, maybe I shouldn't have... Do you mind seeing who that is, my boy? Hey, congratulations. That was a swell job you did. A job? What do you mean? Getting rid of that soft sofa artist who made all of the ladies neglect my nice educational program. Say, did you hear? I'm going back on the air. If I still collect on that bet, though... Well, I don't mind paying at all. I'll send you a check in the morning. Well, you better not forget. Ricardo might forget to stay away. How did you manage it, guilty? No, no, no, don't do that. That'll make me an accessory. Yeah. That's Leroy. I'm going, Leroy. Okay. Brockmoreton, P. Gillers, leave left here. Well, of course he does. If you don't use your eyes, although, do you feel better there? Oh, and look who's with him, John Hooker. The one for Ricardo told me and threatened him. What's that? A rosita, Callaghan. Oh, hello, Miss Callaghan. To what do we owe the pleasure of this visit to art? Oh, don't you dare speak to me. I finally worm the truth out of my brother. Oh, my goodness. You did? Yes. He told me how you threatened and intimidated my dear little Ricardo and probably did away with him, too. Officer, arrest that man for the murder of my fiancee, Ricardo. And now just a second, Miss Callaghan. We haven't any evidence. Yes. Don't you go around accusing a man of being your fiancee unless you can back it up. Quiet, you. We're investigating the disappearance of that singer from KQQQ. Did you do it? Me? I never even heard him sing over at KQQQ. Have I, Leroy? Oh, no. You never heard him on the radio, huh? Yeah. Well, if that's true, lady, he hasn't got no motive for bumping a guy off. I tell you, my brother confessed the whole thing. It was a plot to keep me and my darling Ricardo apart. And Judge Hooker... Excuse me. I'm busy with an important case. So am I, Judge. Come on back here. Jim, one moment. You quit giving orders to my guest officer. I know a little bit about law myself. If you haven't any evidence that a crime was committed, you can't come in barging in here bothering us. Guilty or right? Yeah. Now, drag those big, flat feet of yours out of here. And take Rosita with you. And tell her a monkey. Come on, Miss Callahan, he's right. Hey, Kelly, how are you doing? Oh, that's my partner. Never mind coming in, Wally. We can't pin nothing on this guy. Oh, no? Well, look what I found out in this guy's garage in the trunk of his car. Oh, it's Ricardo's cape and mask and hat. It's what? Okay, gilder slave. What did you do with the body? You won't talk, huh? Are you quiet, young man? All right. We're dragging you and the kid down to headquarters. We got Wally to make a new guy's talk. Come on. Oh, this is going to be one of my bad days. It's almost supper time. They'll keep us here all night if you don't tell them the truth. If I ever told the truth, young man, I'd be the laughing stock of Summerfield. Besides, I'd never collect that hundred bucks from Judge Hooker. Yeah, but if you don't confess, they're going to hang you for bumping yourself off. They can't. They can't do that. They haven't even got a dead body. They will have after they hang you. Shh. Here come the police back again. I don't know what's with this guy. Let's see what we can get out of them by throwing a skier in the water. Yeah, sure, Teddy. Now, okay, gilder slave, we're going to give you a little third degree. Teddy, you got the rubber hoses? Yeah, right here, Wally. Rubber hoses, oh, great jumping sheets. All right, let's come in. Sure. Wally, suppose he starts yelling. We don't want any kickback. Turn on the radio real loud so nobody'll hear him. Yeah, okay. You guys cut that out. Leave him alone for more than one. He never heard anybody in his life. Don't you dare touch him. Hey, wait a minute. That's him. That's the guy on the radio. Turn it off. Yeah. All right. Let's come in. Sure. Wally, suppose he starts yelling. We don't want any kickback. Turn on the radio real loud so nobody'll hear him. Yeah, okay. You guys cut that out. Turn it off. Yeah, okay. Say, what's going on around here? I'll tell you what's going on. There'll be a suit for false arrest going on here. If you don't let my nephew and me out of here right now. But I don't get it. You heard that fellow Ricardo singing on the radio just now, didn't you? Yeah, but... Then how dare you hold me from his disappearance? I'll open that door. Well, sure, sure. No hard feelings is there, Mr. Gilbert, please. No, not at all. But never do that to me again. Come on, Leoi. I don't get it. I don't get it either anymore. How can you be here with me and still sing from KQQQQ at the same time? Shh, Leoi. Let's hurry out of here before these policemen find out that they were listening to an electrical transcription. Frankly, Marjorie, what did you think of this, Ricardo? Oh, Uncle Mort. I thought you were just wonderful. You knew it was me all along? How did you know? That evening cake you were wearing all around town happened to be mine. What? Good night. Original music heard on this program was composed and conducted by William Randolph. This is Jim Vannon speaking for The Craft Cheese Company and inviting you to be with us again next week at the same time for the further adventures of The Great Gildersleeve. Ever wonder about how to cut down the food budget these days? Well, most filmmakers do, so here's a hint. You can economize and please your family too by serving them parquet margarine. The delicious spread for bread made by craft. You'll find parquet margarine is a mighty good tasting spread on bread or toast or roll. Yes, and parquet is so economical, you can use all you want in cooking too to add that delicate extra flavor that only a delicious spread for bread can give. So get a pound or two of economical parquet margarine tomorrow. Remember, it's nourishing and wholesome. One of the best energy foods you can serve. And every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. Yes, tomorrow sure, ask for parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine, one of craft's fine foods. This program has come to you from Hollywood. This is The National Broadcasting Company.