 A very good evening to you and thank you so much for staying tuned to Y254 TV, the number one youth station in Kenya. My name is Sheryl Blessing and this is The Power Talk Show. And this evening we wanted to do a continuation of the topic we were discussing last week. We were finding out, what makes someone a mama's boy? Tonight we want to know, can a mama's boy make a good partner? For those of you who have been dating people who are close to their mother, are they very good partners, would you consider someone who's a mama's boy, a long time life partner for you? And joining me this evening, I have Dr. Alice, who is also a pastor and a family counselor, Karibu Sana. Thank you so much. And right next to her we have the lovely Kate Antonio, who is a podcaster and a journalist. Karibu Tena-Kate. So this lovely ladies will be taking us through this discussion and we want to unpack and find out what are the qualities of a mama's boy and can they make very good life partners. Now you can also message us on our social media platforms, engage with us through our social media platforms at Y254 on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. We have made a post, we want to hear your comments, we want to hear your opinions and if you have any questions, send them through and we will sample them as we proceed with the program. You can also find me on my personal pages at Sherry Lee Blessing across all social media platforms. Now I want to dive into this topic by first finding out what would you, Dr. Alice, describe as a mama's boy, what are the traits of a mama's boy? Now thanks so much, this is a very lovely topic and I want to say that we have some misinterpretation or misunderstanding of who is a mama's boy. And one thing that people understand and one thing that people take is that a mama's boy is a boy or a man who is loved by the mother and I want to take ourselves in a broader understanding that a mama's boy is not a boy who is loved by the mother, is a boy who is loved by the mother and has deliberately agreed to leave his brains away and come use the mother's brains. That is who we call a mama's boy. It is not someone loved by the mother because we have mothers who love their boys and they give them very good advice and they have made very good husbands. I have been in marriage for the last 19 years and I have made friends who have been married by mama's boys and they do very well in marriage. So when you become a lovely one to your mother and then you leave your brains at home and you start using your mother's brains, that is when you become a mama's boy and when you become like that, then absolutely you are not supposed to get married. Stay with your mother. That was a very interesting way of putting it. They have left the brains behind and they're using their mom's brains. Because even us, sometimes our mothers call us, they tell us all, I'm seeing this, I'm seeing this, I don't need to believe everything I'm told by my mother. I will listen because she's my mother but I will sit down, I will internalize and I am going to make a decision whether I'm going to bite or I'm not going to bite. I don't need to be rude to her but I'll tell her, mom, I considered 1, 2, 3, I picked this, I left this for some other time. I don't need to tell my mother she was wrong. I just need to tell her, I'll give this a consideration and I'll come back to you because I must put my mother first. I must put my marriage first. I must put my relationship first. So for the youths who are very close to their mothers, your mother will tell me you don't date this girl who is like this or don't bring me a girl with very long nails or this will be said by your mother because your mother is not even of your generation. True. This is something that I want youth to understand that me, I will advise my children in a very different way because me and them, we are in two different generations. Personally, if I look at Kate, I will wonder why she's walking naked. You understand what I mean because of my time and her time but Kate will tell me, please pastor, I'll just pass the time, this is what we have, the mafundis decided to give us half and they'll give us later, you will understand. So it is all about how do you take your advice, do you take time to internalize the advice that you receive from your mother? If you don't internalize it, you become a mama's boy and a very, very foolish mama's boy. And I like that. It's basically the man has taken their mother as the final authority. Whatever my mom says, I am running with that. I do not care to internalize it. And that's a very dangerous thing because that makes the man not his own person. He is not an individual who's capable of making his own decisions outside of his mother. Now Kate, based on that experience, based on that explanation, have you ever had a relationship with someone who had the same nature, who was a mama's boy? Personally, I think if I feel like you're a mama's boy, that's a red flag for me and I'll just live. I won't stay there because at some point it's exhausting. You'll get tired because his life is based on what the mother tells him, what the mother will advise him to do. He'll be taking advice from her. Whatever you do, she'll be informed. So he's codependent. He'll be always talking to his mom. You'll be like a co-wife. Yes, she is the mom, but yeah, they don't have the sexual activity. They don't interact like that. But the relationship is the physical bond, the emotionally bond there, the people who you can separate. So I don't think I can date a mama's boy because for me, I get tired so easily. I'll be tired. It's exhausting. And from what I've heard from people, you can't change a mama's boy. Yeah, you can't change him. So I can't. I've never experienced that and I don't think I'd like to experience that. And what you said is actually true. The mom would be the first woman in his life. You would be the second priority. So as a woman, I feel like we all want a man who prioritizes us. Comes to us for advice, seeks our counsel before going to the mother. So obviously, that is out of question for you. Now, the way she mentioned, she said, you can never change a mama's boy. Can you never change a mama's boy or is there some room for change? Now, you say being a mama's boy, you have to say it's a choice. It is no one who is born a mama's boy. No, no, no. You make a choice. You decide, like for example, let me use this example, although it may not be very specific. Now, maybe you're a mother of a single mother and your mom went through a lot to bring you up. And you feel you value your mother so much that you cannot imagine anyone else getting this value. Now, one thing I would want to tell those people who value their mothers because they came through for them. And we also have, by the way, Baba's daughters. That is also something else that will be discussed later because most of the time we talk of mama's boys, but we have Baba's daughters. Daughters who can't do anything without consulting their fathers. They can't. Which is the same level with mama's boy? Which is the same level with mama's boy. So when you make a choice and maybe you think that your mother is a priority. Now, what happens when you get into a relationship? You are not able to give space to listen to your girlfriend. You are not ready to listen to the incoming wife because you tend to imagine that this lady coming into your life will become an enemy. And it should not come between you and your mother. You understand? So when you make a choice of valuing your mother so much. Now, you must understand that after you value your mother so much, what you do, you put about it. You introduce your girlfriend to your mother and remember you made a choice. I need to tell you that you don't introduce your girl to your parents so that they can give you a right of moving on with that relationship. You already have what you feel is best for you. This is not a girl who you found today and you took to your parents tomorrow. You've stayed with this girlfriend for like two, three, four, five months and you felt that this is a girl of my choice. And remember, this girl will not live with your mother. This girl is your wife. So it is you to make a decision. The only thing why we bring them to our parents, number one, is because we recognize our parents. So we bring them so that they can know who we are dating. So I need to say that it is not a right that parents will know who you are dating. It's like a sign of respect. It is a sign of respect because many boys, they leave us, they go to the university and they bring us ladies with children. Did they consult us? They did know it. So those parents who are privileged that your boy brings in the girlfriend he wants to marry, you should just respect that child because he has shown the highest respect that a parent can be shown. So it is not a right, but you show respect. The next thing why you bring this lady is because you want to incorporate it in the family. You want them to start accepting a new face. This is the girl I'm bringing in. They may not accept her. And I want to tell you, why do you force your mother to accept your girlfriend and she doesn't benefit from anything from your girlfriend? It's you who is going to leave the family. I have been married for 19 years. I don't think there's anything I've done for my in-laws. I only caused chaos because when I got married, the land had to be divided so that my husband can get a portion. So I am actually a problem in that family. So I don't need to force issues. I will just, I occupy the space that the in-laws open for me. If they don't open me much, I'll mind my own business because my husband takes care of me. So my husband will just put boundaries. We will live away. We will be coming just to say hi to them like guests. And there you've really summed what the Bible even says about marriage. It's a union of two people. The son will leave the family, the woman will leave the family and they will come together. And that's a new unit. So you only seek for advice or you just do it as a sign of respect. Even boys asking the fathers for the daughter's hand. That's just a sign of respect. I want to ask you first, show my interest and then proceed with our plans. So there needs to be very clear boundaries between your parents and you and your family. You must understand, even if your father or your mother did very great things for you in life, if you don't put them aside then you put a boundary. I'm telling you not to keep marriage. Very few parents love intruders because this girlfriend is an intruder. This man I'm bringing for my mother is an intruder. You can imagine a whole doctor leaving the mother going to get married by maybe a person who doesn't even know what a degree is. Then my father will not agree this and will ask me and what is wrong with you. But remember, it is not about books. It is not about what we have. It's about the person. The person is about the love I have for my man and the rest we shall build when we are together. And that is what I want to tell youth. And that's very important. I hope the audience is paying very keen attention to what Dr. Alice is saying because truly when you decide to be with someone, you are committing your life to them. You're going to be married with them for longer than you have been with your parents. So Kate, do you look for, do you spot signs like that when you're trying to date or when you're being courted? Do you look for signs of, is he very attached to the mother? Does he run to the mother first? Do you look for signs like that as you're dating? Okay, you can't be looking for such signs but you expect somehow there'll be signs like that in the future or it can even be in the beginning of a relationship cause immediately you enter in a relationship with a mama's boy. You'll feel the need of of having a masculine energy next to you cause this person has been brought up by either a single mom or a mom who, a mother who didn't, mother who had the husband around but he wasn't really physically around for the kid so that the guy is stuck on the mom, has been stuck on the mom since forever. So he'll be vulnerable to you, he'll be depending on you. So you'll just notice, I don't look for that in a relationship, I don't look for someone who'll be vulnerable to me, who'll be clingy, someone who'll be stalking me, those characteristics, they especially come from mama's boy and immediately you enter a relationship with a mama's boy, just know that you're not in this relationship alone, the mom is there. So anything that goes on between you and him that will need to concern someone else, it will always be the mom. The mom is the only person who will be solving your problems and we don't need that. You don't need your mother-in-law or your mom-in-law coming in your relationship and telling you what to do. If you want to travel, she'll be involved. Mom, you're going to Mombasa, no, don't go. You don't want that. You want someone who will make decisions for both of you. He doesn't have to consult his mom or whoever, just you. And that's someone who makes up his own mind is truly a man you can follow because women we're meant to submit to our husbands. So if you find a mama's boy, you'd probably be submitting to the mom. It's not really the husband who's in charge. So you need someone who's in charge. But the way we've talked about the psychological aspect of them wanting to be protective of the mom because they have seen the mom going through some suffering or one thing or the other, doesn't then, you know, that fact make us want to be more compassionate to them because if, let's say, the father left when they were young and the mom is all they have known, the mom has been there for them, wouldn't that make you want to compromise and say, eh, nai lewa ki dogo and maybe he can amend it or amend some things? Wouldn't that make you more inclined to give him a chance? Yeah, you know, this guy is loving. These people are loving. Mama's boys are loving. They're romantic. They're everything. But their boundaries in a relationship, you wouldn't want to be tired at some point or exhausted, you won't want that. So you can't tolerate that while the relationship is at the verge of breaking up because the mom doesn't want you two together. You just have to stop it immediately because this person, it's so hard to change a mama's boy unless, I don't know what happens, Jesus Christ comes in and says, let me save my son, but you can't help this boy because he has grown emotionally attached to the mom. He loves the mom and he will love you, yes, but there are things you won't tolerate. That's what we're saying. There are things you won't tolerate in that relationship. So this is someone who's bound to love the mom for life. And even if the mom accepts you, she'll accept you with the aim of manipulating you to be doing things because their son can't be doing everything. And she'll say she loves you, but I think there'll be jealousy. There'll be a lot of things going on there. And there might be some competition. Because if we have two women fighting for the attention of the son, then there's competition. Yeah, there's competition. And there'll be a lot of chaos in between. So I don't think it's advisable to date a mama's boy, but that... Even if you feel guilty, you wouldn't advise me. Yeah, I wouldn't advise that. But they're loving people. They're not bad people. They're loving people because they... They just need to work on their boundaries. Yeah, they just need to work on their boundaries. And it is so hard, so hard to change them from that. Ah, that's very sad for the mama's boys. But again, also, we need to understand that if you come across a mama's boy now as a lady, because we will not say that they will not marry. They will marry. They will bring us their wives, because you know you will not understand these mama's boys very easily when you are dating. You will come to understand them when they come to the house. That is when you know that the mother-in-law can come and sleep in your house and sometimes even goes to your bedroom. That is when you know the power of a mama's boy. Because the mother-in-law can go anywhere, can even use your towel to wipe herself because she doesn't care. After all, this is the sense thing. So why are you giving me all these rules? But I would want to tell ladies also, when you are dating a man, whether it's a mama's boy or not a mama's boy, make sure you don't come to replace the mother. I want to advise you that mothers play a great law in the growth of a man. So when you come into a relationship and you try like you want to stand out to the mother, even if your man is not a mama's boy, he has to protect the mother. So that is why the Bible says in your category, it says that let the man leave the family and let the girl leave the family. Why? Because the way I love my father, like me, my father went through a lot for me to be what I am. He handed over a girl who was already financially stable to another man, you understand? So I would not imagine that my husband can come in and try to be like my father because he will not make it, you understand? So when girls are getting married also, let them also understand they are coming in as wives, not mothers. Because that is why youths I want to advise you. I don't know how you take it, but it is not advisable to call your husband daddy. It is not. Leave them, leave them for your children. So how do I call my husband daddy and my child is calling my husband daddy? So is this so prevalent to have a child of my age to become their daughter? So let us avoid some of these names because they used to make them, you know you make yourself look like a child in that relationship. Now you go calling your husband daddy, now this man can forget that you are the wife, you think that you are the child. That is why when he's making decisions, he will not involve you. After all, you call him dad. So you are equal to a child. That is why sometimes you will not even be consulted. So I want to say that as much as we have this baby, the mama's boys, which we must help them because they need to keep marriages because they will not stay away. We have these boys who grew up with their mothers and they went to salon with their mothers. Please don't brim them. When you see them pierce their ears and do their hair. Some of our boys who are doing their hair and they put necklaces, they put earrings is because the only place they know is the salon. Because that's what they used to go with their mothers. Their fathers never carried them anywhere. So I don't blame them and don't think they are rude. They are not even lost. But the only place they know is the salon. So that is where they will be going. So sometimes we blame some youth not because we are not giving them the right direction. You understand? So some of these people were brought up by their mothers. They inclined so much such that they become very good cooks. You know they learn from their mothers. Stay with their moms in the kitchen. They are in the kitchen with their mothers. They are in the salon with their mothers. So who will do his hair? We'll do. I mean, he will do what mothers do and will go to kitchen and cook very good food. You will think that your son is talented in cooking. Know that your son is talented. He's only inclining to your family nine activities. And if you don't control that, that boy will finally become a mama's boy. So even as parents, we have a real task of changing our boys. And that has led me to my next question. I wanted to find out, because it's the mothers who are probably overprotective or overloving that turns the boy or the man into a mama's boy when the mom is very overly involved in their son's life. Then obviously the son will integrate their life with the moms. So how can the parents or how can the moms make sure they have a boundary? They have a clear-cut boundary between their son's life and their lives such that they will check on their welfare, but they can separate not to take over the son's life. One thing I would want to advise parents that keep boundaries. Stop nothing at your children's relationships like you are the chief of the village. Keep their relationships aside. Give them advice. I'm a family counselor. You come to my office, I'll give advice. I will not force you to take what I tell you. Give them advice, tell them this is how marriage goes. This is what you do with your wife. This is what you do with your husband, but let them make a decision. I want to say that the marriage that stands is a relationship that was allowed to be brought up in a foolish way until they gained wisdom when they are in that foolish relationship and they finally come up with a very good marriage. No one was born married. So even us who give advice in family issues is either things that we've gone through, things that we were taught in school and live experiences. So no one was born in marriage that you are so strict in telling them if you don't marry this one, you will not make a good wife. Who said? Right now I have a case in my office of a boy who is regretting now. He is already in a fourth marriage and the mother does not want the marriage. Because there is a specific tribe, the mother wants the boy to marry from and it is the tribe of the mother. You understand? So that is why I'm saying parents also, we really contribute. I might be having my one daughter, personally I'm blessed with only one daughter and two sons. Now having one daughter, I might incline so much because she's one daughter. So I will love her so much until I am almost telling them they can come and live with me with their husband. Because I want my daughter close to me. But one thing, who protected me when I went with my man? So why do I want to think that my daughter, I cannot hand her over to another man and she'll be safe? Nobody knew my husband and my parents agreed. So I don't think we parents, let's set boundaries, let's know when to come in and when to stay away. Let's know what to answer when consulted and what to remain silent. When your son comes to us for advice, ask him what is the take of your girlfriend? What is the take of your wife? First understand what is the take of the other person. Now you can come in and give them advice, all of them. Parents advise your children when they are together. Bring them together. Tell them, Shiro, this is where you are wrong. Dan, this is where you are wrong. Don't be calling your son alone and trying to think that your daughter-in-law is always wrong. I mean we have sons who are very evil. But because they are our blood, we tend to think they are very good. So because now you see what Kit is saying, that she will not even want to dream getting married to a mama's boy. Now you can see the way I love my son and I didn't want my son to have a girlfriend. Now I must correct this because now I want my son who I love so much. So what I'm saying is- Not to be rejected. Exactly. So I also must pray alone so that Kit can agree with my son. And you know ultimately, the role of parents is to mold the children so that they can become adults of their own. I want to read some of the comments that you've sent us on Facebook and thank you so much for that. We have Jirani Yungu who says, you gave a one-sided opinion. What about a Baba's girl? That's a very good observation. Thank you so much. But today it's because we are tackling the mama's boy. We will have a segment for the Baba's girl as well because obviously it's an issue. We have Dr. Eddy who says yes, but all the ideas and decisions be approved by mom. Dr. Eddy, isn't that then submitting to your mother? Yeah. And then we have Timothy Gaira who says, good evening. I'm watching live from Kitale. Thank you, Timothy. Then we have Christian Moses Zondieki who says yes, 100%. So thank you so much for your comments. We have Katerin Shiko who says, Ndani Sana, a santi Kate. Count me in again. And Matoke Godwin's Godfrey says, Kwani wakon na pembe. So these are very interesting questions. And I can see most of them are coming from our gentlemen. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. And based on those questions, we can tell that these men love their mothers. They care for their mothers and they will prioritize even the advice of their mothers. We've seen someone who says all the decisions have to be approved by mom. So Kit, based on that, because you're the one who made that, when I say mom, Kwanzaa, we have to prioritize, what do you think about that? I just think this man that prioritized their mom, it's how they've been nurtured. They've been smoothed by their moms. They have not had that father figure that taught them how to develop as a man and be independent. These are co-independent people. They can't stay alone without their moms. And it's not a good thing. We should not normalize this. As women, let's learn how to bring up our kids. When we have them, our boys, even our girls, when you're going to discuss the next topic about daddy's girls, we should learn how to bring up our kids. And even our brothers and sisters, we should learn how to make them depend on themselves. We're always advised to talk about mom all the time. Let them make their own decisions because that's how your relationship will work. Otherwise, if you're always on your mom, you're on video call, you're like, hey babe, come and say hi to my mom today, tomorrow. I'm tired. I don't want to hear about your mom, your mom. Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about moving on forward. And I just think it's a bad idea dating such a guy. They're loving but no, no, no, no, no, it's yeah, you have to be dependent. You have to bring the masculine energy. You don't, I can't deal with a mama's boy. It's hard. Thank you, Kate for that. And we want to hear from the women as well. Based on that, will you date a mama's boy? Do you think they'd make a very good partner? And Kate had also liked to hear, because from our viewers, Nikama, we have some mama's boys in the viewers. So I want to hear your opinions on that, but we'll take a very short break and we'll be back right after. So go to our social media platforms at Y254 on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Share your comments, ask your questions and we will sample that as we come back. Stay tuned to Y254. Thank you so much for staying tuned to Y254 TV. This is the Power Talk Show and my name is Sherry Blessing. Now before we went on a break, we were talking about how good of a partner a mama's boy can be, or can they even make a good life term? Partner, can you marry a mama's boy? Is this someone who will respect you in marriage? And right before the break, you sent us some of the comments which we sampled and I want you to go to our Facebook page, our Twitter page and our Instagram page and still share your comments. Go to Y254 and share your opinions, share your questions and we will sample that as we proceed. And joining me is Dr. Alice and Kate Antonio. And right before we went on a break, I was asking you, Dr. Alice, about the comments that we got. We found that most of these guys submit to their mother and give their mother control. We saw the comment over, all decisions have to be approved by mom. What do you say about that? Personally, I will not approve that as a mother because I'm a mother of two sons. And I don't mean that boys should not go to their mothers to seek advice. No, no, no. What I'm saying is consider the ideas of your wife or so. Put the ideas of your wife together with the ideas of your father, the ideas of your mother, the ideas of your friends. Then when you sum up those ideas, come up with now the idea that you feel if you build your marriage because we are not in marriage to defend anyone. We are not in marriage that we may win. You know, we are not in a competition that this mama's boy want to show that it is me, myself, and I. You, when we come into a marriage, we come so that we can be sensitive to each other's feelings, understand? But now, if you want to understand, blessing one quality or two or three of a mama's boy. Number one, a mama's boy, we are not married someone like this one. We will not be chosen. Because she can reason. Mama's boys don't like ladies who reason. They want you when they leave you and they go, they don't care. They will not even ask. So they will not marry an exposed girl. They will not. And actually, they will say, those exposed girls are of them. That is what mama's boys will say. Because that's what their mama is telling them. Who you are, Amari Bika? You know, not because Amari Bika is because she's exposed. Our tacky was so mean. They don't want to learn in people. They want those girls who they mean, the farthest they know is the next village shop. They don't even know the next town because they know what the things they are doing are not right. So they can only take a person without a sober mind. If the person will not be concerned that everything including by me in a way as you want to consult your mother. I mean, no one is going to take that. Number two, they will not marry from very well up families or average families. They want to take those girls who come from very poor backgrounds. So that they can be silencing you. Wherever you are, you are going to be in trouble. I have no idea, I have no idea. That is how they want to frustrate and intimidate those girls. The mama's boys will always want to, they want to be top. So they will never get anyone who can be able or who has power to negotiate for themselves. So they will marry from very poor backgrounds. I talk about poor, not humble. There is nothing like a humble background is a poor background. So they will never marry from a poor background. They will marry a girl who is not exposed. And when you get married and you are exposed they will try to tell you and make. That is why when they marry someone now like my good daughter here they want to tell her don't work. Don't work, stay at home. So that I can work for you. Not because that this man is capable of working for this girl. No, but he doesn't want the way this lady can go out and be advised on her rights. So he wants the girl locked in the four walls and you will have no exposure at all. That is how some of the mama's boys behave because they don't want a girl who can question them. Because many mama's boys they will come home at 12 and they don't want to explain where they were. And that's also a very major red flag. Yes. That's a sign of manipulation and control. Yes, according to them mama's boys what mom said is what he write. That's what goes. And mom told me I'm the man of the house. So I can come at midnight. I can come tomorrow. I can hang around with other girls as I'm also with you as my girlfriend and you should not question me. That is how dangerous it is. Women please hear me. This is how dangerous it is bringing up your son with that perspective. This man may keep a marriage but it's a marriage that is not a marriage. Yes. Because that's just, we have seen major signs of manipulation and control and it's being puppeteered by the mother. Because the mother is the one who's pulling the strings and saying I want someone like this. The way you mentioned, you have a client who has been divorced because the mother wants someone from a specific tribe. Three marriages. And it's not because the tribe is superior or anything. It's just the mother. But because the mother comes from that tribe he is insisting to the son, marry from my tribe. You understand? Yes. So that this girl can be silenced. She will never talk. The mother will always talk. Now kids, as you hear these stories and you get this experience, would you advise, how would you advise someone to get out of a situation where they're already tied to a mama's boy? If one of your girlfriends comes to you and says, you know, my boyfriend always consults with the mom. I have to do this and this in accordance to the way the mom wants. What would you advise them to do? They should run. They should just run, literally. Two people, what will you advise them to do? You really can't go in between that. But an advisor will give a friend who has relations with a mama's boy is just try as hard as you can to get out of that relationship if you can't fix that man. Just get away from it. Just get away because that's toxic. And what do you think about even the media pushing for this agenda? Because we have some shows and movies that really show. This man is very attached to the mom and it's a very good relationship and he's married and has kids and the son also takes on the role. What do you think about that? What do you think is the impact of our generation seeing and experiencing this in our media? I really think it's not really a good thing to advise someone to stay in a toxic relationship. It's not really healthy. It's bad telling someone to stay somewhere. They can't sustain themselves in somewhere they can't be comfortable in. If you're not comfortable with someone, just walk out, live for your own peace, for your own health, mental health. You just have to walk away because at some point I've said it before people get tired, you learn into depression, you learn into anxiety, you learn into a lot of things, you'll find yourself getting into drugs and all that kind of stuff that is out here because someone is depressing you, you're living someone's life. You want to stay somewhere, you can't move, you can't manoeuvre, you just get instructions on how to live because the mum is saying she has to do this, you guys can't do this and that's not the way to live, that's not a way to live. It's very confined, it's like you're imprisoned basically. Yeah, you're imprisoned then. Now what would you say Dr. Alice to someone who's already in that situation, someone who's probably, Akwana Information, Akwana Jewa, all of this, Aliona, oh my husband or my boyfriend is close to the mum and just assumed it's normal. Got married five years later, the mum is done who's making the decisions for her household. What would you advise someone who's going through something like that? Now one, it can be very difficult for when you're already in marriage, to quit that marriage. It may not be very easy but a relationship is very easy to quit. You can just say tomorrow I don't need to meet you. But then when you come to realize that your man is a mama's boy after five years, that tells me you are also in a way very ignorant. You know, let me tell you a blessing. When we were dating during our time because our time is not like this time and I say that and I must confess, you used to stay with your man, you become very close, you sit with him down. Now these days you people, you don't want to sit with your boyfriends down. You want to go to crabs, you want to go for parties. How do you understand your man when you are too drunk on people? You went for parties, you took beer, you were there saying ho ho and the songs that you love, boom boom boom, that you don't even know the words but you only hear the noise. How are you going to learn each other? Youths must create time when they are sober to sit with their girlfriends and sit with their boyfriends so that they learn each other. You understand? But if you people, you continue dating in this way that you are dating, that you're always in parties, you're always in birthdays, there's no time you sit down to discuss very important issues. That is why you are seeing youths get married and they cannot cook food in their home. They eat in the hotel. It is in the morning. Babe, these are your names. As we call each other names, my husband is called Namu so we call Wanja and I call him Namu and that is us. Now this age, if you're not called babe, you don't feel like you're loved. But to me and as a family counselor who really updates herself with the current affairs, one thing I've realized is these names have come so that they can silence you. That is why you call babe. Now when you call babe, you forget that the man is the man of the house. He should be providing. Now you have just been called babe and the man is here seated, only tuning Y254 and he doesn't even provide. But because he called you babe. You're blinded. Now you are blinded with funny names. These are the names of your generation anyway. I have no quarrel about but you need to understand that when you get into a marriage, now this is a marriage. This is not a joke. A marriage is a covenant. It is an agreement like the agreement you have when buying land. I am coming in as a husband. You are coming in as a wife. Fine. To work in my pens, it's as a hopper. To do a image, it's a song and I'm not gonna. I couldn't do a work on my pens. I want to tell the youths we don't keep marriages because of love. Because even land, you don't buy. Even if you buy from a friend, you must have an agreement with the lawyer. Why? And this is your friend. This is how marriage is. Like he says to the youths, oh, you know this marriage very hot, very hot, very hot. Oh, you are taken to Mombasa one week. You think now this is the man of the house and you feel, I must get married to this man. Oh, a man who bought me a new dress for my birthday. After one year is when now you are realizing the qualities of this man. When you already have two children, where will you go? Where will you go? So I would want to advise ladies and my boys, please, as much as we want to party, as much as it is our time to go out, hang around when you are sober, so that you can be able to understand the calls that she receives. Most of the times are from who? That is when you note whether she is a papa's girl. But if you are always drunk, you are always in these earphones, you go to a hotel, everyone is in earphones, and I mean, and we are in a relationship. Youth, if we continue like that, we will be getting the qualities of these people when it is already too late. And that's very good advice that you have given. You have to quote and know your person intimately. When you are sober, because better a broken courtship than a broken marriage. My dear ones, I've gone through arbitration of divorce cases. It is not as sweet as we talk about it. I have shared with the single ladies who are single today with two or three children. It is not as good as we try to beautify it. And if you don't take anything else from this conversation, take that. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. Now I want to sample some of the other comments that you've sent. This is from Twitter. We have Cedric Mekhi who says, hapa hakunachamama's boy, ni eva watua elewane, bure ita kua very hard sana. Which is very true Cedric. Thank you for that comment. Back to Facebook, we have Budakim who says, I think parents should remove some limitations in their son and allow them to interact freely with other men. You find it's tough for a son who sticks to her mother to live with others in the real life page. I think father's girls should also be seen though. It's not much affecting the sense, the say. Thank you so much Budakim. That makes sense because they will find it hard to interact with other men. We have Cyrus Wa Mudaka who says, mama's boys will never be husband material because he'll always be like a remote controlled by his mom. Say hi to Dr. Alice. Ume salimi wa Dr. Alice. Thank you so much Cyrus. We have Roda Rosi who says, yes 100%. I think Ndiwa Zuri. Roda in onekana preferencia kenivo. And I'll tell you why Roda says that. Yes. And then we have Sponyu who says, count me in. Thank you so much. We have Saimo Kei who says, mama's boys are good partner. Wake is her mom. Pardon? Mama's boy, good partner, wake is her mom. Okay, so these are people who are, wanna prefer mama's boys. Then we have Budakim who also says, I think you people should also plan to talk about this mentality of some men who live like they're over-righteous. Thank you Budakim. They're also very stubborn and want to be seen as superior in Christ. Thank you. We will give that topic a consideration and then we will come with it. Then we have Jerry Dacey who says, I am married by one. And her mom can die for him and he respects me. He always asks me what to do and which direction to take. And that is a very healthy relationship. We have Ruben Tiga who says, attention please, mama's boys actually sleep at 8 a.m. I'm Ruben Tiga from Loi Talk Talk. Thank you for watching us. Then we have brother Bernard who says, yes, 100% they can. We have Cyrus Omodeca who also says, fences of Baba's daughters and then he sent a fence there. It's true. They have to go through a lot to get the daughters. Henry De Jong says, I'm right there with you. He can make a good wife once they understand each other. Tuned in from Naivasha. Thank you so much for those comments. That was very insightful. And based on what we're talking about and what the comments say, as long as there is understanding, you have to come together in your marriage. See where your wife and your mother are. It's the two of you who make a family. And we have seen that there is a lady who's married to a mama's boy and they have a very healthy relationship where the man consults him. Now I want us to look at the toss side because we have been focusing on the negative aspect. There was a story that came out a few months ago of a man who's a popular footballer and he got divorced. The wife wanted to divorce him. Only for the wife to discover this man does not have property because the property is in his mom's name. Everything is on the market. So the wife had to pay. So in cases where manipulation like that exists because we women also play a role in our marriages. Do you think it's a good thing to be a mama's boy? Antonio, what would you say to that before we get the professional aspect? It will be a good thing to be a mama's boy but not my boy. Don't be my boy. Be a mama's boy somewhere else. Yeah, because this person, they're loving. They're loving people. They care a lot. They love to march. They obey. They respect. But when it comes to being clingy, if you don't want someone to be around you all the time, you don't need a mama's boy around you. If you want someone who will be clingy, you have to have a mama's boy. Yeah, they're good people. We have not said they're bad people but the problem comes when they start manipulating you. They start acting anyhow. They must ask for advice from their moms. Their moms must say something before something is done. That's where the problem comes in. Otherwise, they're good people. They're loving. As you can see, someone has just said they're married to one. Elevators is saying they're nice, they're loving but not me. Yeah. Don't love me. Be a mama's boy but not my boy. Yeah. Dr. Alice, what would you say to a situation like that? Where the mom, because of the love or the bond they have with the son, the man actually turned out to protect the son from a gold digger or someone who wanted to just take their wealth. Now, one thing I want to say is this, that when you make a choice of becoming a mama's boy, which I say it's a choice. No one is born mama's boy. And I say that there are women who love their sons and they make very good husbands. We've seen one comment there. This lady is saying that this man, the mother can die for him but he respects the wife. That is the common denominator. She is consulted. She is respected. She is recognized. So the mother has not overlapped. You understand? So you can be a mama's boy because you value your mother. And we didn't say that when you're being loved by your mother, there is any mistake with that. But make sure if you have to bring any other person in your life, then you must understand the person you are bringing in your life has feelings, has emotions, has ideas. You know, you are not marrying a dad. You are marrying a girl with her own ideas. So you will not just incorporate your mother's ideas. You will have also to listen to your wife. But now the good thing, and that is why one of them called Roda, and I think said they are very good. Let me tell you now, if there is a sweet life that you can live, is when you're married by your mama's boy and you submit to the mother. That's all you need to do. You can own the whole world. And that is what many girls do to not listen to me. You are your mother's boy. I have no problem. When your mother says I walk naked, I walk. When your mother says I cook chapati, I cook. You live with them like that. You live a very happy marriage and you are not even in prison. Because you only live in prison if you don't agree. But when this girl comes to realize, oh, so your only problem is you are a mama's boy. I don't have any problem. If it is going to your mother's place, I will wash utensils, when will I die? If I wash utensils once, you understand? Now, the better part of being a mama's boy and getting married to a mama's boy is that as long as you agree with the analogy of I love my mother so much and the mother realizes that you love that woman, I'm telling you, you can even be bought a plane. You can live such a good life. So do you mean that all you have to do is submit to the mother? You have to. Who has an option? So that is the only way to live happily with a mama's boy. For you to live with a mama's boy, you must recognize the mother. When she comes home to visit you people, you leave them with the son as they discuss their issues. Don't interfere that you're not part of that family. You must understand you are an intruder. You're a guest. You are a guest. So when we enter the kitchen, let them talk with the mother. The time they will need you, they will call you. Let the mother see that one because mama's boys, they will always say, you must respect my son. And respecting my son is doing what my son says. You are not supposed to give any of your ideas. So when you get married to a mama's boy and you already have their children, I will not advise you to walk out because even when you go out there, who is going to take your child when the father of the child is existing? And I want to advise youth. Let me tell you, my dear one. It is not very easy. And I want to put it this way. It is not very easy to leave a marriage with a child and you get into another marriage when the father of the first child is arrived. That is when you will know. So that is why I 100% fight against divorce, although it is one of the ways of resolving marital issues because you walk out of that marriage with your two children. You are not even 30. You need a man. You want to settle with another man. If you look caring when you are dating, but the moment you bring their blood, very few, I want to say, very few men who continue loving, you are first two children. Who he knows there is a father somewhere. So if you are married to a mama's boy, and this is when you are realizing, please don't quit. You have to just make a choice. You will not die. It's a choice for you to be a mama's boy. It's a choice for you to be married to one. Exactly. But if you know it very late, you do not know it when you are dating. Please don't divorce. Just sit down and call yourself a meeting and say, the only challenge I have in this home is respecting my mother-in-law. And you will not die because of doing that. Some of us, we realized that we had issues with our in-laws and we left the compound before they manipulated us. Now, if you have that chance of staying with them, because one, you know the mama, the parents of the mama's boys are very rich. By the way, whatever mama work on a mama's boy, there are people with something. You don't become a mama's boy over a woman with nothing. Mama's boys are rich. That means these are rich kids. We don't have a poor mama's kid. There are. Watch out, watch out, this is what I'm here for. There are. Because you have said a lot, which is so true. You have to be willing to submit. If you're the woman, you have to submit to the mother-in-law because she will not die. She will not be controlled. Sometimes you even call her, Mom, can we do this? Please, are you going to advise? You know exactly, you don't mean that. But you want us to hear that you consider her. And life goes. So that is a choice you make. Anyone who's listening to us, it is a choice for you. If you love this mama's boy, if he's your, come on in each one of your goals, take him and be willing to follow through with everything. Now I want us to go back. We saw a comment of someone, the daddy's girls. America fans. Fans say they're from the state house. Kate, do you think it's that hard to get into the heart of a daddy's girl? It's not hard to get inside the heart. It's not hard to fall in love with that guy. But it will be hard to get out of that relationship. But just get out, just go. Just live. If you don't want to be a slave, just live for your own good. But if you're willing to be submissive to the mom and the guy and the mama's boy, well, I'm good. It's your choice. But if you don't want to be submissive to the mom and the guy, you'll be exhausted. Unless you have decided and you're willing and you're ready, then if you're independent, probably we will not advise you to do that. But I'm telling you, the fans that you saw there, personally, I want to say this very practically, I'm a daddy's girl myself. My father loves me. I mean, hey, if you want to die, just touch me. And you will know my father owns a gun. That is when you will know. But my father knows how to put boundaries. I can go home and tell my dad, this is what I'm thinking, this is what I'm thinking. The first question my father asked me, have you consulted your husband? You understand? That is why I concur with this lady who said, she's married to a mama's boy, but she's very comfortable. It is possible to be a daddy's girl. I'm one. It was not easy for my husband to be accepted to bring in goats. It was not easy. And my father used to ask me, ma'am, you know, he could not believe it. You understand? But finally, he saw the confidence I have on this man. And that is why he allowed to break the fence so that the man can come in. You understand? So it is not bad to be loved by your parents. But what we are saying, why don't you put a boundary? That is one takeaway that we should have. Because based on what you're saying, your father set the boundary. Your father said, go to your husband first. Then I will give you advice. Actually, when our marriage was very young, you know, when marriage is one year, two, three, four years, everybody sees mistakes. Thank you so much. Now I want us to end this conversation. It has been very, very interesting. And clearly we have a lot more to talk about. But that is it. We have run out of time. So stay tuned to Y254. We have more programs coming on. You will catch a repeat of this show tomorrow at 1 p.m. And you can catch us on YouTube as well. So thank you so much for watching us. This has been Power Talk Show and my name is Sherri Blessing.