 The makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Psy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Caromash, with Alan Reed as the quality. And Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program, a friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of refreshing, delicious Wrigley's Spearman Gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mom-o-basco in Italy. Hmm, I mean, soon is the coming of summer and everybody is a start to slow down. Some of the businesses have got what they call a slack season. That's the coming of June and September. Me, I've got a different kind of business. With a me slack season is the coming of January and December. For the maybe antique business is not for Americans. Over here, everybody wants the latest. Doesn't have to be the best as long as it's the latest. Yesterday, woman is coming to my antique store. I'm going to show her a beautiful coffee grinder. It's an antique from 19, no, it was 18 or 32. Woman says she's like very much, but I'm a no matter sailor. She's a want, a 1950 modeler. But still, maybe making money is not so important. I'm a like the antique business, so I'm happy. Why I'm a pick of the antique business? Well, it's a lot of reasons. And, well, I'm like the smell of all the things. Like Uncle Pietro is like he's a goat. My countrymen of Pasquale, he thinks I'm a crazy. He's only got three big reasons for living. One, the bigger reason is to make the money. And the other two reasons is is a fat daughter, Rosa. If only he could have married her off to me. Last few days of Pasquale is a look on me like a big eagle circling around the little bird. Any day now, I'm expecting you to dive it down on me and... Luigi, my friend! Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Pasquale. How nice you look, my little banana nose. Tell me, are you feeling good? Yes, sir. And how's your disposition, good? Yes, sir. And are you happy to be living in America? Yes, sir. Then why do you say that you and my little... No. Luigi, why are you saying no before I'm asking a question? Because if the question is what I'm thinking, then the answer is what you heard. Oh, you're so touchy. What question do you think I was going to ask you? Can I marry Rosa? Of course you can! Congratulations! Stop kissing me, I'm not going to marry Rosa. All right, then how's it about if she should marry you? No. Luigi, don't be stubborn. After all, it's not up to Rosa's sake I'm asking you to get a marriage for your own sake. My sake? Sure! They've got to say it in America. He who lives alone lives by himself. This proves to Luigi that every man needs a good woman who's going to love him and make his meals and take care of him. If you marry my Rosa, she's going to protect you like a mama hen that's a sit over a little egg. Nothing I don't know, Pasquale, I'm a no-one-to-get-a-scrambled. All right, why's it, guys? If someone can appeal it to your heart, I'm going to appeal it to your brain. You're a bad businessman, right? Mm, well... There's no wells about it. There's a whole reservoir. You was born with a tin of spoon in your mouth. Now tell me, why should you go through life of struggling like a hunter going after a teeny-weeny game when all the time I'm going to stand in the hair with my big trap? He is so right, Pasquale. You got to the biggest trap I've ever saw. That's a funny thing, when I'm going to say it, it's going to come out of there for us. All right, Luigi, I'm tired of playing the mouses and the cats. I'm going to give you one last chance to give up before I'm going to do a terrible thing to you. Terrible thing? Well, Pasquale, what are you going to do? I ain't a talker, but I believe in me. It's going to be a catastrophe. Well, what do you say? Y-E-S-S or K-N-O-W? Pasquale, you spelled them wrong. I don't care how I spell it as long as I can recognize. Well... K-N-O-W? Okay, you're stupid, a boob, but you're just a sign that you own a death certificate. Come on in, Joe. Hi. Joe, you put up the sign yet? Nuts. Well, then start to work from right an hour. Okay. Luigi, from an hour and a half, Joe's running this stall. Yeah, but Pasquale, how can he? He can't even a talk English. Besides Pasquale, you can't do this. Antics is a belonging to me. Oh, yes. You figure out all of your background, how much you owe me for everything, plus the fact that I owe you the property it adds up with the one thing. You are from the street. Excuse me, Bob. I want to dust up around here. Everything looks so, uh, so old. Well, is it supposed to? Hey, Joe, how you doing? Hey, Joe, how you gonna run an antique shop? You know anything about antiques? Sure. I'm married to one. Oh! No, no, no, no. No, you can't address it to me, Pasquale. I'm not leaving. The story doesn't mean too much to me. All right. Stay here if you want to be a place to find the chance up to you. Hey, Joe, maybe we stick a kite in his hand and sell Luigi for a statue of Benjamin Pfeichler. Ah, Pasquale, you kill me. Please. Please, the gentleman. Remember you go out of sight and they kill each other. Well, Joe, I gotta go now. You do what you have to. I'm gonna have another look at the new sign. Pasquale's a hawker shop. Mama, they're making my place into a hawker shop. Well, might as well start cleaning right now. Excuse me, friend. I want a gal just like that gal at Mary. Very dear old. You got anything in the cash register? Well, it's just an old picture. It's a Washington at the Valley Forge. Excuse me, please. I'm gonna back. I think I'm gonna know how you feel Mr. Washington when it was just so cold in the Valley Forge. Cracked. Just cracked. Well, we can't let Son of Man interfere with the progress of modern business. If you knew Susie like I knew... Oh, hello. I brought something in with me that I thought perhaps you might like to buy. Certainly, madam. That's what we're here for. Buy and sell. Oh, careful. You'll break it. That's no way to handle an antique. All right. Lady, keep your shirt on. What? What is it? Looks like a farmhouse. What is it? Quite the genuine colonial teapot. See, the roof comes over. That's one on me. Well, I can go along with a gag. I'm a sport. Give you two bucks. Well, this teapot is over a hundred years old. I'm glad you tipped me off. If it's that old, I can only let you have a buck. This is ridiculous. Just a minute. Where's the man that's usually here? Mr.... The mascot? Yes. I'm here to somebody calling my name. Oh, hello, lady. Hello. Oh, it's such a lovely teapot. I'ma say... It's a Boston, 1842, Boston, and a teapot. Right? Yes, but... Look, I don't understand. Aren't you the... No, no, I'm... I'm got nothing to do here in no more. That's right, lady. This joint is Pasquale's hot shop now. A hot shop? Well, I'll take my teapot elsewhere. Oak with me? But if you come across in the old junk that's more saleable, let's have a look at it. I'm sorry, Mr. Vasco. Good day. I can see how long this store will last. Cracked. Everybody's cracked it. Yeah, yeah, everybody's cracked it. If I'm a nurse, I feel like he's a nurse. So, see, oh, that's a summer girl. How's the business? No business. I'ma win a girl just like... Oh, shut up. How can I do any business here? Everybody comes in, wants to do business, only with happy here. That's right, Pasquale. Here's an oil you should have thrown me out. Pasquale, let me stay here. I'ma work hard and I pay you back Oh, no, you're too smart for your own senses. Joe, what do we do? Well, the way I figure it, you'll never make a goal just hanging up a new sign. You got to get rid of the stuff here, repaint the store, start out fresh. Pasquale, you can't do that to me. Already you're singing out of the back of your head, huh? I'm agree with you, Joe. But how's it possible to get rid of this junk ahead? Well, the only good and sure way is an auction. Auction? That's a wonderful idea, Joe. Sure, we auction off everything to the highest bidder. In that way, I'ma finish with these antiques so once and for all. Pasquale, Pasquale, think what are you doing, huh? Isn't that too much money you're going to make from auction? And to me, it's a mean, it's a mean more than a life to have these antiques. You sell them, is it going to, what is, is it going to drive me out of my mind? Good, Luigi, good. Now we kill the two birds with one stone. When the auctioneer is saying a go-and-go-and-a-gone, he's not only selling the merchandise he's describing your condition. Now, Luigi, I would have never brought you here from the older country if I knew you were initials. L.B. was going to stand up for Luigi Bachelor. Then, Pasquale, are you going to go through with the auction? That's right, and it's a goodbye for you. At last I'ma learn my bigger lesson. Bigger lesson? Yes, the next time I bring over somebody from Italy, I'm going to have them stamp to return if they're not married in a 30 days. Before we return to life with Luigi, I'd like to mention the enjoyment you can get from delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum. With the weather getting warmer, for instance, it's natural for your mouth to feel dry at times, and a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum just hits the spot. That lively, full-bodied flavor cools your mouth and freshens your taste. And you can enjoy the smooth, chewing, and pleasant refreshment even if you're busy working. So slip a package of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum into your purse or pocket, and keep it handy for those times when you want a delicious taste treat and a refreshing little lick. Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum, helpful, refreshing, delicious. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Basco's letter to his mother in Italy. And so Mamma Mia is a terrible loser for me. Tomorrow night, the Pasquale's auction off in my place. Already he's start to change everything. Over the windows, hanging the three balls, and under it, it's a sale. Pasquale is a combination of Pony Shopping and a ticker store. Highest the price is a paper for all the gold. Also, after tomorrow, Mamma Nook can sleep in the back. So I'm gonna find a nice bench in a park. This is all right for a summer, but in the winter it's too cold, I'm gonna get enough money, so I'm gonna move my bench into a hotel room. Mamma Mia, I'm feeling so bad. I'm not even able to go to my night school, so I was sitting here for the last night alone in my store when it doesn't come my class to make the shoes. Luigi, my fellow boob. Hello, Schultz. Come on, Luigi. I thought I would stop by so we go to school together. Well, thank you, Schultz, but I'm not the one at the school. What? What's the mother with you, Luigi? You sound like a worm that looks at its face in the mirror and says, Himmel, this is the end. Ah, smile, Luigi. No, but Schultz, how am I gonna smile? Look under my antique shop, do you notice something? Yeah, oh, it just hit me, that sign outside. Luigi, what did that chisel called Pascuali do it to you? What I want to do is, Schultz, after all is a Pascuali's a story, he's got a right to do whatever he wants. Ah, my little Vino schnitzel. You never hate anybody, do you? Well, Schultz, my mamma Mia is always the same one thing. If somebody hits you, you just turn around and they are a chicken. Yeah, but not with a fella like Pascuali. He's always up at bat. Luigi, take my advice, stop churning your cheeks so much, your head is beginning to look like a pinwheel. Ah, yes, so let me tell you something, Mr. Delicatessen. Pascuali, you was listening. Oh, it does anything I hate, it's a pooping palm. Pascuali, you are just a plain, common eavesdropper. That's all right, and I'm going to droop for all of the eaves I want. If you think Luigi's head is looking like a pinwheel and now, well, you sit tomorrow and I'm auctioning off with a place to kick him out. What? No Pascuali, you must be joking. Ah, yes, take a look, Mr. Salami salesman. Look close out of my face. You see anything to laugh about? No Pascuali. All I see is a good reason to commit suicide. Oh, get out, this is a must though and I appreciate your presence and by your absence. Oh, yeah? But I'm tired of all your insults. How would you like to step out into the street? I just soots to me five, and come on, I will step out of the street. All right. All right, Luigi, now that he's stepped out, we can talk. Listen, when he's at auction into my head, an idea just poops at times. Yeah, but, for the shoot, so what are you going to do? No, no, I got a plan. First, I'm going to the night school, misspalding your classmates, the whole neighborhood's going to help you out. For the shoot, you think you got a plan that will work? Of course it's going to work. Now stop crying, Luigi. Smile. Be like me, always happy, always loving. Ooh. Oh, my rheumatism is killing me. Luigi, are you ready to go into your store now? Yeah, in a minute to Pascuali. Just look at how the place is a-packed. I was so afraid of where the shoalches are bragging about what he would do, I got scared and asked for a sheriff's a marshal to stay in your store. Pleasure, pleasure, Pascuali, no robberiness. I robbing all I want, and tonight I'm a Pascuali to Swedish and Missau. Just look who's sitting in the front of your store, the front row. Only you best friends, and sherds, and Harowitz, and Olson, and Miss Pauly. Look, the whole of places are full of your pals. In fact, the stranger can't even get in. Hello, Mrs. Pellegrino. Hello, Pascuali. Go ahead, there's a room for just one more. Thank you. I thought I'm going to pick up something cheap. Well, I'm just the Pelle you could get it from. That's right. There's nobody cheaper than you. Anybody else who says that it's a come-out of difference? Well, Luigi, are you satisfied now? Miss Pauly, I'm a feeling terrible. Luigi, believe me, I'm the only friend that you got. And once you leave me, I'm never going to let you darken my face again. Luigi, what would you say if I was to call off for the auction right now and let you keep all your antiques? Oh, Pascuali, you would have done this for me. Sure, little punk in the head. Oh, Pascuali, that's so wonderful. Now, I'm going to do you a little favor. Maybe you're going to do me a little favor. No. Wait, wait. Don't talk when you are motionless upset. Just let me call in my little girl. Rosa. Little words to Rosa. Three little words? Yes. Tell her those are three magical words. She's going to make a new girl out of her. All right. Right, crisper and exercise. And so now you're dead. Here, just sign this a paper. Paper? What's it to say? I just don't want no monkey business. This is to say to fly that I'm the owner of all the antiques in the store and I can do whatever I want with them. I'll sign it down here, right under my X. Yeah, but, Pascuali, the antiques belong to you because I'm all your money. But I'm no sign unless you give me the right to buy them back. What? All right, I'll give that to you. When are you going to get the money enough to buy back? I gave Luigi rights to buy back antiques. Now sign. All right, then. Good. Here's your copy. Now come on, let's go into your store. I think you are ready to start the auction. And to think I wasted the money for a city marshal or whether you friends is the first of the ones to cut your throat. All right. The auction is about to start. If you see any piece you'd like to buy, just let me know and I'll put it up for bidding. We've got a lot of rare and very valuable antique pieces to dispose up to the highest bidders. Now, don't be afraid to bid. Any bid is accepted. First bid starts the auction and second bid takes it out of my hands. If there are no higher bids, second bid takes it. All right, but a genuine colonial chair from the Cromwell period. It's a colonial period. Oh, a heckler, eh? Don't mind him, folks. A genuine antique value that I would say $200. $50. Luigi, if you don't shut up, I'm going to get the marshal to throw you out. I'm sorry, Pusquale. All right. What am I bid? What am I bid on this genuine... Fight! Well, Luigi, you heard it with your own eyes. First bidder is your best friend, the Schultz. Goat. Now, that's the kind of action I like. The first bid from my friend here is $5. Who said $5? I said five cents. What? Right where this chair is worth, where do you get that five cents from? My wife gives me an allowance. You are Luigi. Well, I'm with Don Opusquale after all that day, my friends, and you say friends is the first one to kick you in the face. Uh, wise guy. Well, I fixed that up fast. Hey, Joe, why are you stopping the auction? Go on. All right. That's right. I bid $11 then. People who's a wise guy here... $50. Do I hear more? If you do, you should have your ears examined. Sold to Mr. Pasquale for $50. All right, folks. Now these pieces are not going to be sold for pennies anymore, so let's see some bidding. Now, I have this genuine period painting. Three cents. Five cents. $25. Well, the wise guy... $25. Sold again to Mr. Pasquale. Now, the next piece is a porridge. But Pasquale was smart. Here's a silver bottle, Luigi. My idea was good while it lasted. Friends, you tried. That's very important to me. Well, say you thought you could outwit me. Ha, ha, ha. Next time you want to play games with a me, Schultz, pick something easy like a canazzo. Come on, leave. Why don't you canazzo yourself in the lake? Well, Mr. Marshall, I'm glad you come down here, see that everything is official. Yes, I kept a record of all bids. That's no matter. I bought everything, so instead of writing to myself a check, I must save a time and forget the whole thing. What do you mean, writing yourself a check? All this stuff is the belonging to me. What? I didn't realize that. If it belongs to you, you are allowed to bid on it. What? I mean, does that even bid on the trevison stature? It's mine for a nigga to try. What? Wait a second. That's mine, Mr. Marshall, but it's really belonging to Luigi. He said it's a heads of stone, till I'm to take over. Is this true, Mr. Pascal? Oh, no. He's made a mess out of paper before that to give everything over to him. Here's a copy of Mr. City Marshall. That's all I need. Thank you, folks. Thank you. Since Mr. Pasquale owned all the items he bid on, they revert to the next highest bid under here. Oh, you! I made the second bid on the trevison stature. That's mine for a nigga. And the painting is mine for eight cents. And I get the Virginia geography book for two cents. Luigi. Luigi, talk to them. Tell them to give that worth taking back. But if Pasquale isn't nothing I'ma can do. It's awesome. Here's your book. Luigi, stop it. They might do anything, anything. Anything? Yes. All right. All right, Mr. Pasquale. Hey, wait. Stop it, friends. Everything is a go back to Pasquale. What are you talking about? That's right. I'ma make a deal with him. And never again they're going to ask me to marry his daughter Rose. Luigi, now you're broke. You've got enough there. There's only one way out for you. What's it out of Pasquale? Marry my... Hey, that's a matter with me. I can't control it myself. Yeah, that's what I'ma talk. All right, everybody. Go on like before. Wait, wait. Luigi, my son, why you do this? Well, it's because I'ma can't control it myself for neither. Goodbye, Papa. And so, Mama Mia, everything is a turn out to find. I'ma got to my store back with all the antiques, and as they cost me a dollar and a twenty-ninety cents. For this, I'ma got to my friends to thank. And the reason I'ma got to such a good friend, Mama Mia, is because of how you used to teach me about the life when I was a little bambina. So I'ma thank you. You're lovin' a son, Luigi Vasco, the little immigrant. Folks, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they'd like to remind you to stop at that convenient display of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum next time you go to the store. Get some delicious Wrigley's Spearmint for your own enjoyment, and take home a few packages for your family and friends. People really appreciate it when you offer them a stick of Wrigley's Spearmint, because just about everyone enjoys its refreshing mint flavor and the smooth, good chewing. And remember Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum. It costs so little and tastes so good. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco in Italy. Life with Luigi is produced and directed by Psy Howard. Mack Benhoff writes the script with Lou Dermott. J. Carol Mack has starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Wieners-Bestradi, Hans-Karmy Nischoltz, Jodie Gilbert-Isrosa, Mary Ship with Miss Boling, Laura Witt, Ken Feuders and Bolton, and Sarah Burner as Mrs. Pellegrino. Music is under the direction of Blood Blood. Friends, the Wrigley Company invite you to listen to their other program, the Gene Offery Show, every Saturday night over most of these same CBS stations. And be sure to see the special article on R-Star, J. Carol Lash in Collier's Magazine on your newsstand this Friday. Bob Stevenson speaking with the CBS The Colombo Broadcasting District.