 Section 25 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909, this Libervox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. May 12, 1907. Mighty Mark Twain overaws Marines. He tells how the minions of government quail as they plan his arrest. Potter, a great man too. Philosopher has motor-man's authority. Good grows out of the withdrawal of a watermelon. Special to the New York Times, Annapolis, May 11. Yes, said Mark Twain, with an air of conscious importance, I have been arrested. I was arrested twice so that there could be no doubt about it. I have lived many years in the sight of my country, an apparently uncaught and blameless life, a model for the young, an inspiring example for the hoary-headed, but at last the law has laid its hand upon me. Mine was no ordinary offense. When I affront the law I choose to do so in no obscure, insignificant, trivial manner. Mine was a crime against nothing less than the Federal Government. The officers who arrested me were no common or garden policemen. They were closed with the authority of the Federal Constitution. I was charged with smoking a cigar within a government reservation. In fact, I was caught red-handed. I came near setting a stone pile on fire. It is true that the arrest was not made effective. One of the party whispered to the Marines what Governor Warfield was going to say, and did say, in introducing me to the audience at my lecture, that I was one of the greatest men in the world. I don't know who proposed to tell that to the Marines, but it worked like a charm. The minions of the law faltered, hesitated, quailed, and today I am a free man. Twice they laid hands upon me. Twice were overcome by my deserved reputation. Perhaps I ought not to say myself that it is deserved, but who am I to contradict the Governor of Maryland? Worm that I am, by what right should I traverse the declared opinion of that man of wisdom and judgment whom I have learned to admire and trust? I never admired him more than I did when he told my audience that they had with them the greatest man in the world. I believe that was his expression. I don't wish to undertake his sentiments, but I will go no further than that at present. Why, it fairly warmed my heart. It almost made me glad to be there myself. I like good company." Potter's claim to greatness. Speaking of greatness, it is curious how many grounds there are for great reputations, how many different phases, that is to say, greatness may take on. There was Bishop Potter. He was arrested a few months ago for a crime similar to mine, though he lacked the imagination to select the United States Government property as the scene of his guilty deed. Now, Bishop Potter is a great man. I am sure he is, because a streetcar motorman told me so. A motorman is not a Governor of Maryland, but then Bishop Potter is not a Humorist. He could hardly expect a certificate like mine. I rode with the motorman one day on the front seat of his car. There was a blockade before we got very far, and the motorman, having nothing to do, became talkative. Oh, yes, he said. I have a good many distinguished men on this trip. Bishop Potter often rides with me. He likes the front seat. Now, there's a great man for you, Bishop Potter. It is true, I responded, Dr. Potter is indeed a mighty man of God, an erudite theologian, a wide administrator of his great diocese, an exegete of, yes, broke in the motorman, his face beaming with pleasure as he recognized the justice of my tribute, and hastened to add one of his own. Yes, and he's the only man who rides with me who can spit in the slot every time. That's a good story, isn't it? I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself. Here is one of which I was reminded yesterday, as I was investigating the Naval Academy. I was much impressed with the Naval Academy. I was all over it, and now it is all over me. I am full of the Navy. I wanted to march with them on parole, but they didn't think to ask me. Curious inattention on their part, and I, just ashore after a celebrated cruise. While I was observing the Navy on land, said Mr. Clemens, I thought of the Navy at sea and of this story, so pathetic, so sweet, so really touching. This is one of my pet stories, something in its delicacy, refinement, and the elusiveness of its humor fits my own quiet tastes. The time is 2 a.m. after a lively night at the club. The scene is in front of his house. The house is swaying and lurching to and fro. He has succeeded in navigating from the club. But how is he going to get aboard this rolling, tossing thing? He watches the steps go back and forth, up and down. Then he makes a desperate resolve, braces himself, and as the steps come around, he jumps, clutches the handrail, gets aboard, and pulls himself safely up on the piazza. With a like maneuver, he gets through the door. Watching his chance, he gains the lowest step of the inside staircase, and painfully makes his way up the swaying and uncertain structure. He has almost reached the top, when in a sudden lurch he catches his toe and falls back, rolling to the bottom. At this moment, his wife, rushing out into the upper hall, hears coming up from the darkness below, from the discomforted figure sprawled on the floor, with his arms around the nule post, this fervent, appropriate, and pious ejaculation. God help the poor sailors out at sea! I trust this matter of my arrest will not cause my friends to turn from me. It is true that, no matter what may be said of American public morals, the private morals of Americans as a whole are exceptionally good. I do not mean to say that in their private lives all Americans are faultless. I hardly like to go that far, being a man of carefully wade words, and under a peculiarly vivid sense of the necessity of moderation in statement. I should like to say that we are a faultless people, but I am restrained by recollection. I know several persons who have aired and transgressed to put it plainly they have done wrong. I have heard of still others, of a number of persons, in fact, who are not perfect. Why am not perfect myself? I confess it. I would have confessed it before the lamentable event of yesterday. For that was not the first time I ever did wrong. No, I have done several things which fill my soul now with regret and contrition, withdrawing a watermelon. I remember—I remember it so well. I remember it as if it were yesterday, the first time I ever stole a watermelon. Yes, the first time. At least I think it was the first time, or along about there. It was, it was, must have been, about 1848, when I was thirteen or fourteen years old. I remember that watermelon well. I can almost taste it now. Yes, I stole it. Yet why you so harsher word? It was the biggest of the load on a farmer's wagon standing in the gutter in the old town of Hannibal, Missouri. While the farmer was busy with another, another customer, I withdrew this melon. Yes, I stole is too strong. I extricated it. I retired it from circulation, and I myself retired with it. The place to which the watermelon and I retired was a lumberyard. I knew a nice quiet alley between the sweet smelling planks, and to that sequestered spot I carried the melon, indulging a few moments' contemplation of its freckled rind. I broke it open with a stone, a rock, a dornock in boy's language. It was green, impossibly hopelessly green. I do not know why this circumstance should have affected me, but it did. It affected me deeply. It altered, for me, the moral values of the universe. It wrought in me a moral revolution. I began to reflect. Now, reflection is the beginning of reform. There can be no reform without reflection. I asked myself what course of conduct I should pursue. What would conscience dictate? What should a high-minded young man do after retiring a green watermelon? What would George Washington do? Now was the time for all the lessons inculcated at Sunday school to act. And they did act. The word that came to me was restitution. Obviously there lay the path of duty. I reasoned with myself. I labored, and last I was fully resolved. I'll do it, said I. I'll take him back, his old melon. Not many boys would have been heroic, would so clearly have seen the right, and so sternly have resolved to do it. The moment I reached that resolution, I felt a strange uplift. One always feels an uplift when he turns from wrong to righteousness. I arose, spiritually strengthened, renewed, refreshed, and in the strength of that refreshment carried back the watermelon, that is, I carried back what was left of it, and made him give me a ripe one. But I had a duty toward that farmer, as well as to myself. I was as severe on him as the circumstances deserved. I did not spare him. I told him he ought to be ashamed of himself, giving his customers green melons. And he was ashamed. He said he was. He said he felt as badly about it as I did. In this he was mistaken. He hadn't eaten any of the melon. I told him that the one instance was bad enough, but asked him to consider what would become of him if this should become a habit with him. I pictured his future, and I saved him. He thanked me, and promised to do better. Farmers' first false step. We should always labor thus with those who have taken the wrong road. Very likely this was the farmer's first false step. He had not gone far, but he had put his foot on the downward incline. Happily, at this moment, a friend appeared. A friend who stretched out a helping hand and held him back. Others might have hesitated, have shrunk from speaking to him of his error. I did not hesitate nor shrink, and it is one of the gratifications of my life that I can look back on what I did for that man in his hour of need. The blessing came. He went home with a bright face to his rejoicing wife, and I got a ripe melon. I trust it was with him as it was with me. Reform with me was no transient emotion, no passing episode, no Philadelphia uprising. It was permanent. Since that day I have never stolen a green watermelon. End of Section 25, May 12th, 1907, Mighty Mark Twain Over Awe's Marines, read by John Greenman. Section 26 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 9th, 1907. Mark Twain sails for Oxford Honors, to be made a Doctor of Literature by the English University. Tells of Autobiography. Humorous says it will make some persons sit up and take notice. Samuel L. Clemens, known to everybody best as Mark Twain, sailed for England yesterday on the Atlantic Transport Liner Minneapolis. On June 26th he will receive from Oxford University the degree of Doctor of Literature, though as he remarked that did not mean that he intended to Doctor Literature. Mr. Clemens did not wear his famous white suit, and there was a faint suspicion of moisture in his eyes as he declared that this might be his last visit to London. I may never go to London again, he said, until I come back to this sphere again after I am dead, and then I would like to live in London. I spent seven years there, and I am going back to see the boys. Do you enjoy idleness? he was asked. Splendidly I put in two hours a day dictating my autobiography, but I don't want it published until after I am dead, and I want to be thoroughly dead when it is published. No rumours, but really dead. I have made it caustic, fiendish, and as devilish as I possibly can. It might be what you call a sensation, for I have spared no one. It will occupy many volumes, and I will go right on writing until I am called to the angels and receive a harp. The story of my life will make certain people sit up and take notice, but I will use my influence not to have it published until the children of some of those mentioned in it are dead. I tell you, it will be something awful. It will be what you might call good reading. Have you included all of Mrs. Eddie's friends? Yes, you will find them all there, all right. At this point the author fished a dilapidated cigar from his pocket and, finding it, of no use, threw it overboard, declaring that he would not smoke again. A moment later he begged a cigar from a friend. A number of Mr. Clemens's friends hunted for him, quite overlooking him as he stood at the rail. Finally they caught sight of him, and after salutations had been exchanged said, Where is the white suit? We had been looking for the suit and quite overlooked you. Well, said the author, I have discarded the suit for the moment, but your fears may be set at rest for I am going to wear it again. I am wearing this overcoat to keep out the heat, which isn't here, and as for the style of my clothes, they are always selected with due regard to my peculiar style of beauty. Mr. Clemens will return on the Minneapolis. End of Section 26, June 9, 1907, Mark Twain Sails for Oxford Honors, read by John Greenman. Section 27 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907-1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain, read by John Greenman. June 19, 1907, Shaw meets Twain and explains him. English reporters learn that he always writes with serious intent. They take copious notes, and Twain tells them how he goes through his day and other things. Special Cablegram, copyright 1907 by the New York Times Company. London, June 18. A number of these pests, said Bernard Shaw to Mark Twain, indicating by a gesture that he was referring to a great congregation of English newspaper reporters who stood about him and Twain in a great circle, just asked me whether you were really serious when you wrote the Jumping Frog. Thus was opened a brief conversation that followed the introduction of Mr. Shaw to Mr. Clemens by Professor Victor H. Henderson. Mr. Clemens had come to receive a degree from Oxford University. Professor Henderson had crossed with him on the Minneapolis and had come up to London with him on the Boat Express. Mr. Shaw had come to St. Pancras Station to meet Professor Henderson, who is an old friend of his. Yes, Shaw went on, these pests asked me that, and I told them what I thought to be the truth. No doubt, broken Twain, I am sure that you did me full justice. I have every confidence that I was quite safe in your hands. Certainly you were, asserted Mr. Shaw. I told them that I had read everything good that you had written, and I was able to give them the fullest assurance that you always wrote seriously. Mr. Shaw, said Twain, I assure you that I can return the compliment. With this Twain winked at English journalists who had once burst into laughter that somewhat disturbed Mr. Shaw's equanimity. He did not know that Twain was loaded. Just as the merriment was subsiding, a nondescript individual with a basket under his arm broke through the journalistic circle and invited attention to a young bull pup. Arfagini buys him doughnut, he insinuatingly remarked to Mr. Shaw. Arfagini, only two dollars an arf for the best bull pup in England, lost one I've got, Governor. I'm not an American, protested Mr. Shaw. Sell him to Twain. He has got American money. But Twain, although he deeply longed for the bull pup, resisted the temptation to buy. Directly he had got rid of the peddler. He bade good-bye to Mr. Shaw and moved to a cab. By that time he had been more than three hours under the examination and cross-examination of the newspaper men, but he was not tired. He seemed to enjoy every minute of the time. It was my fortune to meet him on the deck of the Minneapolis while he was taking his anti-breakfast promenade. I gave him the latest copies of the New York Times and received his thanks. I always like to read the New York Times, he said. It prints only the news that's fit to print, and as I have been told, I am in my second childhood. I like to read a paper which I know will not exert any contaminating influence on me. Old men cannot be too careful, you know. Before he could say any more, the London reporters got at him every man with a notebook in his hand. Twain had a delightful time with them. They fired all sorts of questions at him, and he fired back all sorts of answers, every one of which was religiously recorded in the notebooks. Is the world growing better, one youthful scribe inquired, and Twain solemnly answered, yes, I think so. You know, I have been here almost seventy-two years, and—but really, you must not ask me to say more on the subject. I am a very modest man, and prefer not to speak of my achievements. Some of the other questions reminded me of passages in Innocence Abroad. In the course of the morning Twain gave out a new scheme, according to which he regulated his daily life. He asked the reporters to be very careful to take down his words accurately, as the publication of the scheme might be brought to be helpful to others. Every morning, said he, as soon as I am up, I smoke a cigar, and then have breakfast at eight o'clock. After breakfast, I smoke another cigar, and then go back to bed. At half past ten, I smoke another cigar, and start dictating to my stenographer. I finish at twelve o'clock, and doze off till one. I smoke another cigar, and eat lunch. Then I go back to bed, and read what the newspapers have to say about me. I smoke more cigars until half past six. Then three assistants dress me for dinner, evening parties, etc., after which I associate with elite society till one o'clock in the morning. I never go to bed till my daughter turns out the lights, and then I smoke in the dark. My Constitution is improving all the time. End of Section 27, June 19, 1907, Shaw meets Twain, and explains him, read by John Greenman. Section 28 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 20, 1907, Mark Twain, London's Lion. He is inundated with invitations, but won't tire himself out. London, June 19. Mark Twain, Samuel L. Clemens, is receiving as much attention as would a European potentate. The newspapers are devoting columns to his sayings and doings, and he has been inundated with invitations, many of which he has reluctantly been forced to decline, as he is determined not to tire himself out. His engagement book is already filled up with acceptances, chiefly for quiet luncheons and dinners with personal friends, while his afternoons will be spent resting and driving in the parks of London. Mr. Clemens's engagements include a bachelor dinner to be given by Ambassador Reid on June 21st, the Pilgrim's Luncheon on June 25th, the Lord Mayor's Dinner at the Savage Club on June 29th, and the Dinner of the American Society on July 4th. He will give a dinner in honour of the Earl and Countess of Portsmouth on July 5th. Mr. Clemens will also be entertained by the Lord Mayor of Liverpool before his departure. He will go to Oxford on June 25th, remaining there until the 29th. He will lunch with the Chancellor of the University after the conferring of the degree, and on the following day there will be a dinner in his honour. On June 28th the Rhodes Scholars will give a reception to Mr. Clemens. In his own words he will break the Sabbath by spending the afternoon of June 23rd with Archdeacon Wilberforce. End of Section 28, June 20th, 1907, Mark Twain, London's Lion, read by John Greenman. Section 29 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 21st, 1907, Twain startles London, strolls in bathrobe and bare legs from hotel for a plunge. Special Cablegram, copyright 1907 by the New York Times Company. London, June 20th. Mark Twain exhibited himself as an eccentric today, and every stay Londoner who witnessed the exhibition fairly gasped. A little after eight o'clock this morning he appeared in the foyer of Brown's Hotel, garbed in a blue bathrobe and slippers, with about three inches of bare legs showing. A slight elderly gentleman with bushy white hair in this unconventional costume startled the patrons of the hotel and worried the employees tremendously. But Mark Twain coolly surveyed those who were staring at him and accompanied by his secretary, R. W. Ashcroft, walked out of the front door of the hotel into Dover Street. The sidewalks were thronged with pretty shop girls on their way to work. They stopped short and gazed in astonishment at the great American humorist as he made his way toward the bath club, nearly opposite the hotel. After his bath Mark Twain returned to his hotel in his three-piece costume of one bathrobe and two slippers, and had the pleasure of making a lot more people open their eyes very wide. The manager of the hotel was aghast as he saw Twain enter the hotel, but didn't make a fuss. His feeling was that a great man like Mark Twain must be allowed to do as he pleases. Mark Twain professed to wonder at the excitement he had caused. I simply wanted to take a bath, he said, and did the same thing I'd often done at the seaside. London is a sort of seaside town, isn't it? Mark Twain tomorrow will renew his acquaintance with King Edward, having a special invitation to the King's great garden party at Windsor. He met King Edward first a number of years ago in Humberg, where the King had a jolly laugh with him over a passage in one of his books, in which he commented on the fact that Edward, at that time Prince of Wales, had passed him on the Strand without stopping for a chat with him. The Prince, he later explained, was in a carriage while he was on top of a penny bus. Secretary Ashcroft and two assistants were as busy as bees today, answering communications from public bodies, public men, and personal friends of Mark Twain, who desired to entertain him. There could be no better evidence of his great popularity in England. End of Section 29, June 21, 1907, Twain Startles London, read by John Greenman. Section 30 of Mark Twain in The New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 22, 1907, Mark Twain is Reed's guest. Ambassador invites a distinguished company to meet him. London, June 21. Ambassador Reed gave a dinner to Mark Twain, Samuel L. Clemens, at Dorchester House this evening. The guests included John Hicks, the American Minister to Chile, Lord Tennyson, President of the Royal Literary Fund, Sir Edward John Pointer, President of the Royal Academy, Sir Ernest Waterlow, President of the Royal Society of Painters in Watercolors, Sir George D. Goldie, President of the Royal Geographical Society, Lord Gleanesque, President of the Newspaper Press Fund, Sir George Reed, Ex-President of the Royal Scottish Academy, Professor Hubert von Herkimer, RA, Alfred Austin, the Poet Laureate, Lord McNaughton, Treasurer of Lincoln's Inn, Edward Cooper Willis, Treasurer of the Inner Temple, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Anthony Hope Hawkins, Sir Lawrence Alma Tedina, Edwin Austin Abbey, Sidney Lee, Henry W. Lucy, Toby M. P., August Belmont, Bram Stoker, O. J. W. Cummins Carr, Isaac N. Ford, Harry Britain, John R. Carter, Secretary of the American Embassy, and the editors of several of London's papers. There were no speeches at the dinner. Later, the guests inspected the pictures and other treasures of Dorchester House. The staff of Punch is arranging a special dinner in honor of Mark Twain. The date has not yet been fixed. End of Section 30, June 22, 1907, Mark Twain is Reed's guest. Read by John Greenman. Section 31 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 23, 1907. Twain amuses King and Queen. Tells jokes to Edward and would buy Windsor Grounds from Alexandra. Meets Siam's ruler, too. Offers to speak for Bashful Prince Arthur of Cannot. Many Notables at Garden Party. London, June 22. Mark Twain was the center of attraction at the King's Garden Party at Windsor this afternoon, and besides meeting the King and the Royal Party, had a handshake with several hundred Notables in the course of the afternoon. Upon his return from the Garden Party he declared that he was not a bit tired and had thoroughly enjoyed himself. He was accompanied to Windsor by John Hennacher Heaton, the father of Imperial Penny Postage, who introduced him to many of the King's guests on his way to the party, including Sir Henry Campbell Bannerman, Fritjof Nansen, Sir Henry Mortimer Durand, and Ellen Terry. He hardly congratulated Miss Terry on her recent marriage, the two shaking hands enthusiastically. After tea which was served on the lawn, Ambassador Reid presented Mark Twain to King Edward and Queen Alexandra, and the King and the Humorous spent a quarter of an hour in conversation. The King laughing heartily at Twain's jokes. The Queen also joined in the conversation and was much amused when Twain jokingly asked if he could buy the Windsor Castle grounds from Her Majesty. Then the King called on him to meet the other guests. He introduced Twain to the King of Siam, the Duke of Canot, Prince Arthur of Canot, and others. Prince Arthur is to receive a degree at Oxford at the same time as the American Humorist, and the Prince remarked that he would collapse if called upon for a speech, thereupon Twain offered to undertake to speak for him. Mark Twain wore the regulation frock coat and silk hat at the Garden Party. Speaking of his reception there, he said, His Majesty was very courteous in the course of the conversation. I reminded him of an episode sixteen years ago when I had the honor to walk a mile with him when he was taking the waters at Homburg. I said I had often told about that episode, and that whenever I was the historian I made good history of it, and it was worth listening to, but that it had found its way into print once or twice in unauthentic ways, and had been badly damaged there. I added that I should like to go on repeating this history, but that I should be quite fair and reasonably honest, and while I should probably never tell the story twice in the same way, I should at least never allow it to deteriorate at my hands. His Majesty intimated his willingness that I should continue to disseminate that piece of history, and added a compliment, saying that he knew good and sound history would not suffer at my hands, and that if this good and sound history needed any improvements beyond the facts, he would trust me to furnish those embellishments. I think it is no exaggeration to say that the Queen looks as young and beautiful as she did thirty-five years ago when I saw her first. I didn't say this to her because I learned long ago never to say an obvious thing, but to leave an obvious thing to common place and inexperienced people to say. That she still looks to me as young and beautiful as she looked thirty-five years ago is good evidence that ten thousand people already have noticed this and have mentioned it to her. I could have said it and spoken the truth, but I have been too wise for that. I have kept the remark unuttered, and that has saved Her Majesty the vexation of hearing it for the ten thousandth and oneth time. All that report about my proposal to buy Windsor Castle and its grounds is a false rumor. I started it myself. Mr. Clemens has announced that he will be a passenger on the steamer Minnetonka sailing for New York, July 13th. This prolongation of his stay abroad has enabled him to accept a few of the hundreds of invitations that are pouring in on him. The staff of Punch invited him to a dinner at the Savoy on July 9th, but he intimated his preference to dine in the famous Punch Room at the Punch Offices, and the dinner will be given there. Mr. Clemens considers this one of the greatest honors of his visit. End of Section 31, June 23rd, 1907, Twain Amuses King and Queen, read by John Greenman. Section 32 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 24th, 1907, his hat on before King. Mark Twain kept covered, but by the Queen's order. Special Cablegram. Copyright 1907 by the New York Times Company. London June 23rd. Is it true that you kept your hat on when you met the King yesterday and slapped him on the back while you were talking and laughing with him? I asked Mark Twain this afternoon, directing his attention to a paragraph in a London Sunday paper in which these solosisms were good-naturely alleged against him. I'll tell you just what took place, said Mark Twain. When I renewed my acquaintance with the Queen, I took off my hat and made my lowest bow. Put on your hat! Put on your hat! said the Queen, fearing I suppose I'd catch cold. But I didn't obey her, and we continued our conversation. I remained uncovered. Presently the Queen told me again to put on my hat, and her tone was such that I couldn't, with gallantry, longer disregard her injunction. Almost immediately thereafter I was presented to King Edward, and remembering the Queen's command, kept my hat on. I didn't feel at liberty to do anything different. And did you slap the King on the back? No, of course I didn't. The King put his hand on my arm, and not to be outdone, even by a sovereign. I went a bit higher, and laid my hand on his shoulder. Each of us meant to honour the other in this laying on of hands. Mark Twain has received a number of letters from English people who don't understand his humor, or rather the sorry remains of it, that get into their newspapers through the medium of the English reporters. After showing me several letters of this sort he had received, in some of which he has strongly upbraided, Mark Twain smilingly remarked, It all comes to this. England is the home of wit. America the home of humor. End of Section 32, June 24th, 1907, His Hat On Before King, read by John Greenman. Section 33 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 25th, 1907, Twain in the Commons, listens to debate and holds informal reception in lobbies. London, June 24th. Mark Twain spent the afternoon in the House of Commons and listened to the debate on the House of Lords from the Ambassador's Gallery. From there he made his way to the lobbies, where he held an informal reception meeting numerous members of the House, including David Lloyd George, the President of the Board of Trade, and Winston Spencer Churchill, Under-Secretary for the Colonies. Premier Campbell Bannerman invited Mark Twain to his private room, where they conversed together for some time. End of Section 33, June 25th, 1907, Twain in the Commons, read by John Greenman. Section 34 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 26th, 1907, Mark Twain Humour approved by Punch, and Pilgrim's Honor Mark Twain. Mark Twain Humour approved by Punch. A big cartoon dedicated to him, and the staff will dine him. Guest of the Pilgrims. Notable lunch and given, to which one thousand notable vainly asked to be bidden. Special Cablegram, copyright 1907 by the New York Times Company. London, June 25th. Mark Twain will go back to America duly certificated as a humorous. Punch, which regards Americans generally as lacking in the sense of humor, does not consider Mark Twain deficient in that respect. He is one of their own kind, the Punch people think, and they are kittening to him with their whole hearts. They exhibit their feeling for him in a full-page cartoon in today's issue which is dedicated to him. Mark Twain appears seated at a table on which stands a big steaming Punch Bowl. Mr. Punch, who is placed in the foreground, drinks to Mark Twain's health. The toast being, Sir, I honour myself by drinking to your health, long life to you, and happiness and perpetual youth. Mark Twain expects to have a grand time at a dinner which the Punch people will give to him. They ask him which he would rather do. Go to a hotel and have something decent to eat, or dine at the famous Long Table in Punch's office. He voted unanimously for the Long Table. London literary folk are rather amused at the announcement that Mark Twain will dine on Saturday at Stratford with Marie Carelli, but I am told that he will find in Miss Carelli one of his warmest admirers and most appreciative readers. Pilgrims honour Mark Twain. Notable luncheon given and a tribute heartily cheered. London June 25. The finest tribute which Mark Twain has received in England was the Pilgrims luncheon today. The hosts numbered one hundred and fifty, many of whose names are known on both sides of the Atlantic. Two notable speeches were made, that of Mr. Burrell, Chief Secretary for Ireland, and the reply of Mark Twain. In the centre of the table was a plaster statue of Mark Twain in Pilgrims robes holding a mammoth pen and leading a frog by a string. There were only two toasts, King Edward and the President of the United States, and our guest Mark Twain. Mr. Burrell, in proposing the latter toast, said that Samuel L. Clemens was known to all good men and women in both hemispheres and to all boys and girls who are good for anything as Mark Twain. All loved him and were there to tell him so. He wasn't going to say what the world a thousand years hence would think of Twain, but he was speaking for the men and women of today and their children to say what Twain had been to them. He remembered in 1867 buying a copy of The Jumping Frog in the preface of which Twain was described as the wild humorist of the Pacific Slope and the moralist of the Maine. But the author had proved to be an influence in dissipating national prejudice and would leave the world richer than he had found it. This tribute brought the company to its feet with loud cheering. Mr. Clemens replying said that Secretary Burrell had touched very lightly upon his position as a moralist. He was glad to be recognized as such, because he had suffered since he had been in England. When he came here he said he saw a placard reading, Mark Twain arrives. The Ascot Cup is stolen. He had no doubt that his character had suffered thereby. He was quite sincere in his protest as he never got the cup, because he never had a chance to get it. In a bantering mood he told story after story until becoming more serious he referred to the loss of his daughter. I have received since arriving hundreds and hundreds of letters from all conditions of people in England, he said in conclusion. There is compliment and praise in them, but above all there is the note of affection, and affection is the most precious reward a man can desire, whether for character or achievement. These letters make me feel that, in England as in America, I am not a stranger, not an alien, but at home. Owen Seaman, editor of Punch, contributed these verses. Pilot of many pilgrims, since the shout, Mark Twain, that serves you for a deathless sign, on Mississippi's waterway rang out over the plummet's line. Still where the countless ripples laugh above the blue of Halcyon Seas, long may you keep your course unbroken, buoyed upon a love ten thousand fathoms deep. A telegram of congratulations, signed the undergraduates of Oxford, was read, as was another from the New York Pilgrims. The presence of Mr. Burrell and many other members of Parliament was particularly complimentary, because they were obliged to absent themselves from one of the most important and most interesting debates of the season. Other persons present included notables in official, civil, and artistic life. The committee in charge of the luncheon was obliged to refuse the applications of nearly a thousand persons of prominence who were anxious to attend. End of Section 34, June 26, 1907, Mark Twain Humour Approved by Punch, and Pilgrims Honor Mark Twain, read by John Greenman. Section 35 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 27, 1907, Mark Twain, D. Lit, Oxon. Students give a great ovation to him, degree for Mr. Reed also. Oxford, June 26. Together with 30 men distinguished in politics, art, science, or letters, including Premier Campbell Bannerman, Lord Chancellor Lorburn, the Speaker of the House of Commons, Mr. Lawther, General Booth, Rudyard Kipling, and the Archbishop of Armagh, Mark Twain, Samuel L. Clemens, received a university degree today in the Sheldonian Theatre, the scene of many notable gatherings. The theatre was crowded with university dignitaries in their robes of office, students, and many visitors, including Ambassador Whitelaw Reed and numerous other Americans. Lord Curson of Kettleston, Chancellor of the University, presided, and did much to enliven the proceedings, which ordinarily, with the exception of the undergraduate's chafing, are rather dull. Mr. Reed was cheered on entering the theatre, but the great ovation was reserved for Mark Twain, who was the lion of the occasion. Everyone rose when he was escorted up the aisle, and he was applauded for a quarter of an hour. When Dr. Ingram Bywater, Regis Professor of Greek, presented the American humorous to the convocation, the students started a fire of chaff about his books and their heroes, mixed with frequent questions such as, Where is your white suit? Mark Twain said afterward that he wanted to reply, but was determined to observe the etiquette, which demands that recipients of degrees be silent. Ambassador Reed received the degree of Doctor of Civil Laws, as did General Booth, the warmth of whose reception was exceeded only by that accorded to Mark Twain. The crowd waited outside the building to cheer Mark Twain, as, wearing the scarlet robes of a Doctor of Letters, he marched in procession to the Chancellor's residence, where those who had been honoured by the bestowal of degrees were entertained at luncheon. End of Section 35, June 27, 1907, Mark Twain, D. Litt, Oxon, read by John Greenman. Section 36 of Mark Twain in The New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 28, 1907, Great Pageant at Oxford. Mark Twain delighted. Three thousand performers engaged. Oxford June 27. Mark Twain was an interested spectator today at the opening of the elaborate pageant illustrative of events in the history of Oxford and the university, which occupied seven months in preparation and in the rehearsal of which some three thousand performers were engaged. The spectacle was favoured by fine weather and was pronounced the most brilliant and effective of the kind ever held. Chancellor Kersen, with the officials of the university in their robes, conducted the distinguished guests, including Mark Twain and Rudyard Kipling, to the grounds where the pageant was presented. Sixteen scenes, illustrating a thousand years of history, the arrangement of which has been in the hands of some of Oxford's best scholars and writers, including Stanley J. Wayman, Lawrence Hausman, and A.T. Quillar Couch, formed a beautiful spectacle of pictorial imaginative drama. Mark Twain said afterward, It was beyond anything I had imagined. I never meant to journey over any sea, again, except at my own funeral, but I would cross the Atlantic twice to see it. End of Section 36, June 28, 1907, A Great Pageant at Oxford, read by John Greenman. Section 37 of Mark Twain in The New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. June 30, 1907, Mark Twain living up to his degree. Mark Twain's experiences in the hands of British interviewers, banquet to Mark Twain, and Mark Twain's serious side. Mark Twain living up to his degree. Honor conferred upon him by Oxford seems to have sobered him. Is excessively solemn. Says England's welcome has impressed him greatly. Calls ceremony at Oxford beautiful. Special Cablegram. Copyright 1907 by The New York Times Company. London June 20. When I saw Mark Twain at Oxford the day after he had received his degree, he seemed to have been converted into a very sober man. Maybe he has recovered by this time, but on Thursday he acted as though he thought that something really serious had happened to him when Oxford University dubbed him Dr. Samuel Langhorn Clemens. He seemed to have determined to live up to the dignity of his new title. I met Dr. Clemens at the home of Robert P. Porter, where he was most charmingly entertained, all through his stay at Oxford. It was high noon and the doctor had just come downstairs after sleeping off the weariness of being burdened and weighed down with honors. He was a changed man, quite different from the Mark Twain who had cracked jokes at the Pilgrims' lunch and two days before. He was excessively solemn, even for an American humorous off-duty. When I asked for his impressions of the great reception given to him in England, the doctor was not disposed to banter or indulge in air equips. Naturally, he replied in a most deliberate manner, I was much impressed by my reception here. However, I have refused to be interviewed up to this point and don't feel any more like it now than before. The doctor paused and gazed at me stonely, but his austere manner seemed to give way a bit, as once more he remarked, naturally I am much impressed. A gleam of humor shone in his eyes as he said to me, naturally is a good word, take it down. But if he had a sudden impulse to indulge his humor, he promptly suppressed it, and becoming once more the solemn Dr. Clemens went on to say, The ceremony was all most venerable and beautiful, and I was greatly moved by it. I have met hundreds of people here and have been touched, deeply touched, by all their various welcomes. They have all greeted me with great heartiness, from the Sheldonian theatre where the degrees were conferred, to all souls where luncheon was served, the way was lined with spectators. Of all things I was most moved to see how the walk was walled in with people of both sexes and all classes. That was all the doctor had to say about Oxford. He went on to make a modest explanation of the familiarity of the English people with his writings. The actual number of my books circulating here may well be greater than in America, he said. The reason is the difference in price. A book costs a shilling or two here, and a dollar or two in America. The doctor appears to be enduring the strain of continued excitement remarkably well. The rest he had at Mr. Porter's quiet home no doubt did him good. They took good care of him there, but not without considerable effort, for the house was besieged by would-be visitors and interviewers. The Hero of the Hour, besides many letters of congratulation, has received hosts of begging letters and letters from poor authors. Mrs. Porter told me that the butler at a neighbouring house at which Mark Twain dined on Thursday had bought and read all Mark Twain's books. I am delighted to think I shall have the honour of serving him at dinner," said the butler. Mark Twain's experiences in the hands of British interviewers. These strive earnestly to be funny, but probably don't realise just how funny they are. Painful account of how Shaw and Mark Twain met and what one said to the other. Once more has the innocent gone abroad and been delivered into the hands of interviewers. It was while faring to London, where he was to receive a degree which Oxford had conferred upon him, that he fell among them. The British reporters who had met the Minneapolis, the vessel which had borne him from these shores, give widely varying accounts of what he said and how he said it. One represents him as taking in a dialect that neither Huckleberry Finn nor Tom Sawyer nor Uncle Mumford, not even the man who had corrupted Hadleyburg, could understand. According to one chronicler he carried a plug of tobacco in his pistol pocket, from which he bit off a chew from time to time and expectorated wide and large. But this interviewer was probably very young. One calls him the playboy of the Western world, whatever that may mean, and another conceives that he is quite amusing. Several insist that the smileless humorous laughed long and loud over some questions that were put to him, and while many of these were sufficiently mirth-provoking, there is somehow a false ring in the description. But think of the author of The Jumping Frog being seriously asked by a serious Britain scribe if he was in a serious mood when he wrote it and to explain the plot. It will interest many to know that Mark Twain has become big and boisterous since leaving these shores a few weeks ago. The express says, One must see this big boisterous man with the red veined cheeks of health and the little grey blue eyes sparkling with the light of laughter half-hidden under the drooping bristles of his eyebrows to appreciate why he can afford to joke even with death. He is seventy-two, and any insurance company one would hazard would take him today as a first-class life, and be glad of the opportunity. I think the funeral is going to be a great thing. I shall be there, he drawled. I'm stopping for the Oxford pageant, and I guess I shall pick up a few hints from it. I only wish I could make it last six days, he mused, roofily. Shall I have a band? Lant! I shall have fifty bands falling over one another at every fifty yards and each playing a different tune. It'll be a showy funeral with plenty of liquor for the guests. I shall issue invitation cards something like this. The late Mr. Mark Twain requests the pleasure of Blank's company. Morning dress. I haven't decided on the route yet, but it will be somewhere in a parallel latitude. Why, there was a lady on board asked me to come to her wedding. Yes, I replied, I will, if you'll come to my funeral. I told her all about it, and now she's quite eager for it to happen. This classic is from the press also of London. Mark Twain lent against the bulwark, sick, of the Minneapolis and faced reporters. Wow! said Mark Twain, chewing his plug tobacco. That reminds me. Dot, dot, dot. Mark Twain, Samuel Clemens, the bright young humorist who arrived yesterday, stated to a press representative that the voyage had been excellent. He was hoping to make a short but pleasant stay in England. In answer to a question Mr. Twain stated that he liked England. He had views on Christian science, which he preferred to keep to himself, and on the Congo, which he hoped would go no further. Dot, dot, dot. Because he complains, the interviewer cannot really convey to the reader the little subtleties of conversation that means so much more than words. The little subtleties. Our special representative of the Paul Marle Gazette was waiting at the Tilbury Station when into it walked the tall picturesque figure of George Bernard Shaw. You have come, I asked, addressing Mr. Shaw, to meet Mark Twain. Mark Twain, he exclaimed in surprise, no, I have not come to meet Mark Twain. I have come to meet Professor Henderson. And who is Professor Henderson? Professor Archibald Henderson, Professor of Mathematics of the University of North Carolina. He is writing my biography, and has come over to find out something about me. At this point Mr. Clemens was told that Mr. Shaw was on the platform meeting a friend who had come by the same boat. Yes, I know, Mr. Clemens said. I want to see him. In the meantime, can you, he was asked, tell us what you think of Mr. Shaw? I never give an opinion, was the reply, unless I have studied and formed an opinion from my own deduction and not from anyone else's. While one of the party went in search of Mr. Shaw, I asked Mr. Clemens whether he is now engaged on any new work. I don't write anything now, he replied, but I dictate my autobiography for one or two hours a day, five days in the week, and that is sufficient to keep me alive and keep the blood in circulation. When will it be finished? Just when they send for the undertaker, and not any sooner. We all hope that will be very, very far off, we said. Wow! said Mr. Clemens. I don't know. Polymists, clairvoyants, seers, and other kinds of fortune tellers all tell me that I am going to die. And then I have the utmost admiration for their prediction. Perhaps they would convince me a little more of its truth if they told me the date. But I don't care so much about that. It was enough to say on their authority I was going to die. I at once went and got insured. By this time Mr. Shaw had been found, and the great American humorist, and the distinguished English dramatist, meeting for the first time, shook hand very heartily, and showed how pleased they were to see each other. While I have been waiting, where Mr. Shaw's first words to Mr. Clemens, the representatives of the press have been asking me whether you were really serious when you wrote the jumping frog. Mr. Clemens laughed very heartily, and Mr. Shaw said, he hoped he had answered correctly in telling them that he thought it was meant to be amusing. Here is another impressionist's view. We trooped to the ship's side, and as we walked the photographers dotted in, presented their cameras, and fired. Why, you're even worse than the reporters, said the genial Mark. My characteristic smile? Well, I usually charge extra for that, but here you are. Taking off his hat, Mr. Clemens posed, and the cameras fired a volley, but they only got a photograph. No camera could ever have snapped up an impression of that great old man with his intellectual face crowned with a mass of white, luxurious hair. A humorist? Say, rather a prophet. Somehow or other, even the large cigar that Mr. Clemens slowly extracted from his waistcoat pocket did not spoil the picture. How many cigars a day you smoke, Mr. Clemens? As many as I can get for six dollars a barrel? No, I'm afraid I can't say anything more about Mrs. Eddy. I said it all five years ago. She was constituted like some people. When I say a thing, I've no further use for it. The conversation drifted to gramophones. I don't mind them away back two or three rooms, remarked Mr. Clemens, but I don't like to be close beside them when they're talking through their teeth. They never really represent the human voice, and for that reason I've always declined to talk a record into one. Next we asked him how he spent his day. Mr. Clemens believes in plenty of sleep. I get as much rest as I can. I'm doing very little writing now, nothing beyond my biography. When shall I have that written? When the undertaker calls. But most of my books is done through dictation. I give it an hour and a half each day from ten o'clock in the morning until eleven thirty. The arrangement has this advantage. One need not be out of bed to dictate. However, I am always up for lunch, but it is not long before I am again resting. For a man of my age rest is essential. I believe in giving way to the body as soon as it feels tired, just as I always obey my eyes when they suggest sleep. For dinner in the evening I always dress, but eleven o'clock generally sees me in bed where I read and smoke till, perhaps, one o'clock in the morning. And what am I reading? Just the five or six books I've been reading all my life. Are you as fond of Encyclopedias as ever? Just as fond. And when are you coming to London again? As soon as you offer me another degree. Going to Italy any more? No, I shan't go to Italy. Since my last attempt to reform the Italian language, I understand there have been difficulties with the police. Mr Clemens solemnly said the youngest of the journalists, do you think the world's improving? Well, now that's difficult to answer. Puff, puff, puff went the cigar, while Mark Twain thought about the world. Then he said slowly, I think I can safely say this, that my latest impressions of it are better than my first. To the graphics man, Mark confessed that he would stay in England for about a fortnight. He wanted to see the procession at Oxford. Asked, what do you think of the great pageants? Mr Clemens answered, I have never seen one. But what do you think of the idea? Oh, the idea is a good one, an excellent one. Don't you have them in America at all? Why, yes, in 1876, you know, they had a series at the 100th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, and then, just as it happened here, any town or place that had some events in its history that connected it with the American Revolution, they all followed one after the other. That was in our 100th year. But you are in your thousands. It is good, you know, to revive history and impress the people. It does not take us long, for there is not much of it. But you have got to concentrate in six days the history of a thousand years. A writer in the Chronicle pays to Mark this appreciative tribute. I remember noting, a little over a year ago, in a New York club, a token of the regard in which Mark Twain's held. The club was one of authors, actors, artists, and journalists, the New York equivalent of the Gonic. One does not look for much ceremony in such a club, yet when Mark Twain came in to lunch, he was escorted to the table with every circumstance of attention, and the whole company, in which there was hardly a man without distinction, rose to meet him, and remained standing till he had taken his seat. It was a little incident, but a very significant one. No man could wish for a more genuine compliment than one which violated the privileged informality of Club Etiquette. Americans feel Mark Twain to be the incarnation of their national spirit. His humor is all American. So, too, is the largeness of his charity, and his indomitable common sense, and the freshness of heart and feelings, which lies beneath his show of cynicism. So, too, is his capacity for crusading, his spiritual hardiness, his idealizing faith in women and democracy, his touch of misanthropy, the ferocity of his sarcasm. More than any man living has Mark Twain made the world laugh. But his humor has always been on the side of the angels. He has jibed at much, but never at anything that made for goodness and nobility. And though it is as a humorous that he will be remembered, though one's thoughts go, first of all, at the mention of his name, to the jumping frog and his immortal tussle with the German language and the duel in The Tramp Abroad, I believe an even higher claim might be made out for him as a delineator, a very Homer of boyhood, and as a weaver of historical romances of an extraordinarily high imaginative delicacy. Papa, said his fourteen-year-old daughter, can make exceedingly bright jokes, and he enjoys funny things, and when he is with people he jokes and laughs a great deal, but still he is more interested in earnest books and earnest subjects to talk upon than in humorous ones. Dot, dot, dot. He is as much of a philosopher as anything, I think. I think he could have done a great deal in this direction if he had studied while young, for he seems to enjoy reasoning out things no matter what. I do not know whether Mark Twain has brought his famous white suit with him, but in any case, if in the course of the next few days you see on the streets of London a man with a vast mane of grey hair, blue eyes challenging beneath heavy puckered brows, a grizzled mustache veiling a mouth of equal strength and sensitiveness, with a fine, steadfast, conquering look about him, and a drawl of incomparable softness, take off your hat to him with reverence, for he is Mark Twain. In the Tribune, Douglas's story became reminiscent, and recalled how it had happened in the course of a varied journalistic life to be told off on only three occasions to interview a man. On each occasion it has been the same man. On each occasion it has been Mark Twain. Banquet to Mark Twain, given by the Lord Mayor of London, Twain visits Miss Corelli. London, June 29th. Mark Twain was the guest of honour tonight at a banquet at the mansion house at which the Lord Mayor had as his guests two hundred and fifty members of the Savage Club and others, including Lord Chief Justice Alveston, Dr. Nansen, and Sir William S. Gilbert. Mark Twain, replying to a toast to the honorary life members of the Savage Club, entertained the guests with several stories of American humour, which highly amused them, in concluding he touched a more serious note saying, And now I am going home in a week or two across the ocean once more. I came over to get an honorary degree from Oxford. I would have encompassed the seven seas for an honour like that, the greatest honour that has ever fallen to my share. Well, I am young in spirit, but old in flesh, and it is not likely that I shall ever see England again, but I go with the recollection of a gracious, kindly welcome, for which I am grateful. Mark Twain continues, after King Edward, to be the most prominent personage in England. Today he visited Marie Carelli at Stratford on Yvonne, a crowd welcomed the American humorist at the railroad station on his arrival there from Oxford, cheered him, and followed his carriage as it drove away. Wherever Mark Twain goes, his admirers follow him, shaking hands and begging for autographs, and the newspapers chronicle his every movement and saying, while the weeklies, even those printed in foreign languages, publish sketches of him. Mark Twain's Sirius Side, from the London Reader. It is curious that Mark Twain never discovered that he was anything but a funny man, until he had come to middle age, and never found his real seriousness, until he was old in years, but still young in enthusiasm. End of Section 37, June 30, 1907. Mark Twain living up to his degree, Mark Twain's experiences in the hands of British interviewers, banquet to Mark Twain, and, Mark Twain's Sirius Side. Read by John Greenman. Section 38 of Mark Twain in The New York Times, Part 5. 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. July 10, 1907, Punch dines Mark Twain. Guests at the famous table, Liverpool to honour him. London, July 9. The staff of Punch entertains Samuel L. Clemens, Mark Twain, at dinner tonight. The guests sat down at the famous dining-room table, which is carved all over with the initials of generations of the most famous of British writers. A pleasing incident of the evening was the presentation to Mr. Clemens by little girls, of the framed original of a cartoon which recently appeared in Punch, in which Punch is portrayed as offering a toast to Mr. Clemens. Mr. Clemens was the guest at luncheon at the House of Commons this afternoon of Sir Benjamin Stone, member of the house from East Birmingham. Among those present were A. J. Balfour and Baron Komura, Japanese ambassador to Great Britain. Mr. Clemens will leave here to-morrow for Liverpool, where he will be the guest of the Lord Mayor. Enter Section 38, July 10, 1907, Punch dines Mark Twain, read by John Greenman. Section 39 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5. 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. July 13, 1907, Twain postpones Funeral. Younger now by seven years, he says, and changes mind about dying. London, July 12. Mark Twain, Samuel L. Clemens, spent the last day of his visit to England quietly, being free at last from the engagements which have filled almost every hour of his time since his arrival. During the morning he went over the National Gallery under the guidance of the director, Sir Charles Holroyd, and after lunching with friends returned to his rooms, where he will remain until his departure early to-morrow for Tilbury, to embark on board the Atlantic transport line steamer Minnetonka for New York. Many persons call to bid farewell to the humorist, whose reception in England has exceeded in warmth that of any visitor in many years. Mark Twain naturally is greatly pleased and expresses himself as having had the best of times. In an interview tonight Mr. Clemens said, I have led a violently gay and energetic life here for four weeks, but I have felt no fatigue, and I have had but little desire to quiet down. I am younger now by seven years than I was, and if I could stay here another month I could make it fourteen. This is the most enjoyable holiday I have ever had, and I am sorry the end of it has come. I have met a hundred old friends and made a hundred new ones. It's a good kind of riches. There's none better, I think. For two years past I have been planning my funeral, but I have changed my mind now and have postponed it. I suppose I won't see England again, but I don't like to think of that. End of Section 39, July 13, 1907, Twain Post Bones Funeral, Read by John Greenman. Section 40 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. July 16, 1907, Twain Bars Land Trips. Will never make one that can be avoided honorably or otherwise. Los Angeles, California, July 15. No more Land Trips for Mark Twain. This decision has been made according to a letter received from him by Frank Thompson Searight, Secretary Treasurer of the American Press Humorists, of which organization Twain is the Dean, and whose Fifth Annual Convention, September 15 to 22, it was expected he would attend. I will never make a land voyage that can be avoided, either honorably or otherwise, he wrote. Thirteen of the leading humorous lecturers of the country have volunteered their services for an entertainment to be given in the auditorium in this city on Friday, September 20, the proceeds of which will be added to the public fund being raised by the American Press Humorists to build a monument to Bill Nye at Laramie. End of Section 40, July 16, 1907, Twain Bars Land Trips, Read by John Greenman. Section 41 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. July 18, 1907, From Twain by Wireless. Bark lost her bow-spread in collision with the Minnetonka. London, July 17. The following wireless dispatch by way of Crookhaven from the Atlantic Transport Liner Minnetonka, which sailed from London for New York on July 12, has been received by the Associated Press, left the Channel Sunday at 1.50 in doubtful weather and sighted the Silly Islands ten miles off. At six o'clock ran into a dense fog which broke into patches during the night. At five a.m. today the fog had thickened, and the ship was crawling along slowly. At six thirty a bark suddenly loomed up and lost her bow-spread by dragging along our sides. We received very slight damage. The bark was coming for our broad side, but prompt action on both sides prevented a direct collision. The bark disappeared in the fog. We saw her twice during a three-hours hunt, but she was so quickly enveloped in the fog that we could not speak her, so we resumed our trail. All well, Mark Twain. End of Section 41, July 18, 1907, from Twain by Wireless, read by John Greenman. Section 42 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. July 23, 1907, Mark Twain home in good humour, had dinner with the King and is sure that the King enjoyed it. He's Doctor Clemens, please, though the dignity of his Oxford title doesn't seem to weigh heavily. Seventy-two, but doesn't feel guilty. Mark Twain came home yesterday after his six-week stay in England, the dignity of his Oxford degree of Doctor of Literature, for which he went to the English seat of learning, does not appear to weigh heavily on him, although with a merry twinkle in his eye he said he wished that his American friends would understand that from now on he is Doctor Clemens, with the accent very strongly on the Doctor. Just how my old friends are going to get away from calling me Mark is something they will have to work out for themselves, he said, and when they see me in my new cap and gown they will be bound to fall. Mark Twain was, as usual, the centre of an admiring group of women when the reporters greeted him aboard the Atlantic Transport Company Steamship Minnetonka at quarantine upon her arrival yesterday afternoon. He came over in Cabin 23, but said it had no significance, and was a poor joke. How do you like America, the reporters all asked at once? I was afraid I would be asked that question, began Doctor Clemens, but before he got any further another was fired at him. Have you seen the Statue of Liberty? I declined to commit myself, young man. You cannot trap me into any damaging admissions. Getting down to his stay in England he was asked about his dinner with King Edward. Did you enjoy the dinner very much? The King did. What did you think of the King? When Tim Sullivan returned a short time ago he said, and's all right, I like him, he is the goods. I am not competing with Mr. Sullivan. Doctor Clemens was asked about the Handsome Ascot Gold Cup, which had disappeared shortly after his arrival in England, and which the English reporters had humorously connected with his arrival. Oh yes, I have the cup on board, and I hope some of you reporters are slick enough to help me smuggle it through the Custom House. It would be too bad to give it up after getting so close to home with it. But I didn't get the Dublin Jewels. With the character they gave me over on the other side I should certainly not have left the case. I would have taken both, he added. Doctor Clemens said that it was all a mistake that the English could not understand a joke. I had not the slightest trouble in getting mine through their heads, he said. What was the best joke you told him? That will cost you thirty cents a word, and I am having no bargain days now. Did they laugh? Why, surely, but if you want to hear it, you must be prepared to pay heavily for it. At this time of life one must get all one can for one's wits. I have been interviewed a great deal while away, but many of the interviews, when they appeared in print, were grossly exaggerated. Asked about his appearance in the lobby of Brown's Hotel in London in his pajamas and bathrobe prior to walking across the street to the bath-club, he said, When a man reaches my age he has certain privileges that younger men cannot have. I did that, and there was absolutely nothing improper in it. Are the English women as attractive as those in America? was another question. That is too leading, and I refuse to commit myself, was the diplomatic reply. Doctor Clemens said that he had enjoyed his trip abroad immensely, and that the people had treated him royally. Shortly after the Minnetonka left the other side, the ship was in collision with a bark. Several of the plates of the big ship were dented, and the bowsprit knocked off the sailing-vessel. Doctor Clemens said that he was not awake at the time, but that he was soon aroused, grabbed his bathrobe, and rushed to the deck to see what the trouble was. Some of the passengers say that he thought he had grabbed his bathrobe, but that in reality he had put on his Oxford gown in the darkness. Mark Twain spoke at the concert last Saturday night. He chose to talk about the improvement of the condition of the adult blind, and repeated the story, told in a tramp abroad, of his having been caught with a companion in Berlin in the dark of an hour or more, and of his great horror at not being able to see for even so short a time. He said that he would devote much of the rest of his life to the subject of aiding the blind, and the passengers promised their aid in anything he undertakes. Coming over he was always the centre of a group of passengers listening to his stories with great interest. He made a particular pet of little Dorothy Quick, daughter of Mrs. E. G. Quick of Brooklyn, and during the time he was on deck would not let her out of his sight. When he landed he was dressed in white flannels and wore a black derby hat. As the reporters were leaving, one of them asked Dr. Clemens if he objected to telling his age. Not in the least! I shall be seventy-two in November. I do not mind it. Every year that I gain furnishes a new privilege, and all I want to dodge is second childhood. At two o'clock in the morning I feel as old as any man. At that time you must know that life in every person is at its lowest. At that hour I feel as sinful too as possible. But the rest of the time I feel as though I were not over twenty-five years old. You know one gets back both youth and courage by six o'clock in the morning. Dr. Clemens spent the night at his Fifth Avenue home and will go to Tuxedo this morning to spend the summer. He has leased a cottage there. End of Section 42, July 23, 1907, Mark Twain Home in Good Humour. Red by John Greenman. Section 43 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Red by John Greenman. August 20, 1907. Nobel Prize for Kipling. Mark Twain was, it is said, suggested for the honour this year. Stock Home, August 19. The newspaper, Tittigan, announces on what it declares to be good authority that Rudyard Kipling has been designated to receive the Nobel Literary Prize for 1907. The paper adds that Samuel L. Clemens, Mark Twain, was suggested for this honour. End of Section 43, August 20, 1907, Nobel Prize for Kipling. Red by John Greenman. Section 44 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Red by John Greenman. September 18, 1907. H. H. Rogers drives auto, as Mark Twain as guest, said to be crippled by apoplexy. Special to the New York Times. New Bedford, Massachusetts, September 17. Henry H. Rogers and Samuel L. Clemens, Mark Twain, were the signisher of all eyes as they drove about the centre of the city today in Mr. Rogers' Electric Victoria, with Mr. Rogers steering the machine. Mr. Clemens arrived on the steamer main this morning to be the guest of Mr. Rogers at his Fairhaven residence. Mr. Rogers and the author made a stop at the First National Bank to call on Walter P. Windsor of the Bank, who is a close personal friend of Mr. Rogers. They remained there for about 15 minutes and then proceeded a short distance up the street, stopping again at a store where Mr. Rogers purchased a newspaper. Mr. Clemens was left alone in the car, and in an instant it started to move, for Mr. Rogers had failed to turn the switch fully off. Mr. Clemens hesitated a moment, and then he hopped out and chased Mr. Rogers into the store. She started, and I got out, he said. Mr. Rogers laughed and rescued his machine, which has a speed limit of about six miles an hour. Mr. Clemens was attired in his customary suit of white, with which his black derby formed a sharp contrast. Mr. Rogers shows the effect of his illness in his face, which is white and drawn. He showed no signs of inability to use his limbs, however, and managed his car with seeming ease, though in a lighting and walking about he moved with deliberation, and his step was less brisk than formerly. End of Section 44, September 18, 1907, H. H. Rogers Drives Auto. Read by John Greenman. Section 45 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5. 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. September 22, 1907, Mark Twain's Skipper of Rogers' Yacht. In command of the Canala on trip to the Jamestown Exposition. To prove his seamanship. Suggest race with Vanderbilt Yacht, which is carrying Colonel Hellstand and party to Fulton Day exercises. H. H. Rogers Steam Yacht, Canala, with Samuel L. Clemens, Mark Twain, and a party of friends on board, and Cornelius Vanderbilt Steam Yacht, the North Star, with Colonel H. O. S. Hindstand, USA, and another party aboard, sailed for Hampton Roads yesterday afternoon. Colonel Hindstand's guests were Isaac Guggenheim, Mr. and Mrs. Martin W. Littleton, and William H. Fletcher. At Mark Twain's home in Tuxedo Park, the man who answered the telephone said he did not know who accompanied Mr. Clemens on the Canala. Mr. Clemens kept it a secret, he said. The object of the trip to Norfolk is to open the Robert Fulton Day ceremonies at the Jamestown Exposition tomorrow. Colonel Hindstand is the Chairman of the Executive Committee of the Robert Fulton Monument Association, and in addition to his participation in the ceremonies as an officer of that association, we'll also officially represent Major General Frederick D. Grant, the Commander of the Department of the East, who found it inconvenient to get away from Governor's Island at this time. Just before the North Star and the Canawa sailed from New York, a friend of Mark Twain's, commenting on the latter's seamanship, spoke in this wise. You may take it from me that a more confirmed sea dog than Mark Twain doesn't exist at present. He is the temporary owner of the Canawa on this voyage, and he has promised to stay on the bridge from the moment the vessel clears the hook until she passes in the Virginia Capes tomorrow afternoon, and the weather won't make any difference. For whether it is rain or shine, snow or hail, it's all the same with Mark Twain when it comes to navigation. The North Star and the Canawa are expected to arrive back in New York early Thursday morning, and it was rumored yesterday that Mark Twain was anxious to test the speeding qualities of the two vessels on the return journey. Whether Colonel Hindstand will consent to try conclusions with the Canawa is another question. The North Star is a larger vessel than the Canawa, her gross tonnage being 818 tons, while that of Mr Roger's boat is 475 tons. The Canawa was built at Moore's Heights in 1899 and the North Star in England in 1893. Mark Twain's participation in the ceremonies will not require very much of his time, it was said yesterday. He had been asked to make a speech at the banquet in Norfolk tomorrow evening, but he declined. Rear Admiral Pernell Harrington, retired U.S.N., is to be one of the speakers at the banquet, and Mr Clemens agreed to introduce him, as is shown in the letter from his secretary to Hugh Gordon Miller, who will be the Toastmaster at the Fulton Banquet. The letter was as follows. September 14, 1907 Dear Mr. Miller, Mr. Clemens asks me to write for him and thank you for your letter. He also asks me to tell you that he will be responsible for the introduction of one orator, and what he has said about it is, in substance, this, that he will introduce Admiral Harrington, for he, Mr. Clemens, is a sort of water-bird himself, and has no land connections any longer, so the Admiral will suit him best. I think we are going to have a beautiful time down there, and we are all looking forward to the trip. J. S. Sick Lyon, secretary. When Admiral Harrington learned of this letter he sent the following characteristic reply. Exposition Station, Norfolk, Virginia. September 17, 1907 My dear Mr. Miller, replying to your letter of the twelfth and sixteenth, I have to say that I shall be pleased to be a member of the General Committee of the Robert Fulton Association, though I shall not be of much use, following the example of some of the generals of the late unpleasantness about fifty years ago. I return the enclosure from Mr. Sick Lyons, speaking for Mr. Clemens. I have made up my mind to say something, though whether it will meet your sanguinary expectations is more than I can say or predict until after the event has taken place. This is a touch of genius worthy of Mark Twain, and you can exploit it accordingly, for this comes from one of those admirals who no longer admirals anything except his friends and all the girls, which includes one that you know particularly, about the boat. When I know what you want we probably will not have a tug, but there will be some kind of river-craft to tote you and that celebrated water-bird himself where it may be necessary for him to get, even if he gets wet in a somewhat inadequate transportation. P. F. Harrington, Rear Admiral, U.S.N. Robert Fulton's descendants also left for the Jamestown Exposition yesterday. They went on the old Dominion-liner Hamilton. In the party were R. Fulton Cutting, the Reverend Doctor and Mrs. Robert Crary of Poughkeepsie, and Mr. and Mrs. Robert Fulton Leblow. Mr. Littleton of Colonel Hindstan's party will be the orator at the ceremonies on the Exposition grounds tomorrow. End of Section 45, September 22, 1907, Mark Twain, Skipper of Rogers' Yacht, read by John Greenman. Section 46 of Mark Twain in The New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain, read by John Greenman. September 24, 1907, Honor Fulton at Jamestown Inventor's Use of Steam in Navigation Shown in Marine Parade Norfolk, Virginia, September 23. Elaborate ceremonies mark today's observance of Robert Fulton Day at the Jamestown Exposition, of the many historical events commemorated by the Tercentennial, none has been of greater importance and deeper significance than the celebration of the practical application of Robert Fulton's inventions to the needs of the world. While the exercises were under the direction of the Exposition officials, added prominence was given them by the participation of the Robert Fulton Monument Association. The orator of the day was Martin W. Littleton of Brooklyn, New York. Cornelius Vanderbilt, the President of the Association came from New York on his yacht North Star, and Dr. Samuel L. Clemens, Mark Twain, came on the yacht Canawa, each being accompanied by a party of guests. Rear Admiral P. F. Harrington, U.S.N. retired, headed the committee appointed to receive the distinguished guests. A spectacular feature of the celebration was a typical representation of what the inventions of Robert Fulton meant to the world. It was the assembling in Hampton Roads, just off the Exposition grounds, of every sort of craft propelled by steam. The vessels of all sizes and description, all ablaze with flags and bunting, formed a marine parade which was reviewed by the guests from the decks of the visiting yachts. The day's program included the award of the cups presented by President Roosevelt, King Edward, and Sir Thomas Lipton, for the winners in the various classes of yacht races. The formal exercises in the auditorium were called to order by Robert Fulton Cutting of New York in a brief address, which concluded with the introduction of Mark Twain as Chairman and Master of Ceremonies. Following remarks by the Chair, and proceeding in oration by Mr. Littleton, there were addresses by President Tucker of the Exposition, Lieutenant Governor Ellison of Virginia, Hugh Gordon Miller of New York, and Rear Admiral Harrington, U.S.N., in charge of the Navy's participation in the Exposition. A dinner was held in the New York State Building at night. Pyrotechnic displays closed the celebration. End of Section 46, September 24, 1907, Honor Fulton at Jamestown, read by John Greenman. Section 47 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This liverbox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. October 16, 1907, John Hayes Hammond sued. Ralph Ashcroft says Hammond's telegram to Mark Twain libeled him. Mark Twain figured in a libel suit now pending before Justice Scudder in the Supreme Court Brooklyn, the plaintiff is Ralph W. Ashcroft, and the defendant, John Hayes Hammond, the noted mining engineer. The amount sought is $25,000. The plaintiff alleges that in 1904 he was manager and stockholder of the Plasmon Company, and that on September 15 of that year the defendant maliciously sent a telegram to Samuel L. Clemens, who was also a stockholder, which contained the following alleged libelous words. I strongly oppose turning over the company to Ashcroft's board of directors. He had been identified with the administration of Cook and Wright, and is incompetent or worse. The defendant admits the authenticity of the telegram, but says it was a privileged communication between stockholders concerning the administration of the company's affairs. He further asserts that Ashcroft was in reality hardly more than a salaried employee of the concern, and held only an insignificant amount of stock. A deposition of Mr. Clemens will be read to the jury today. End of Section 47, October 16, 1907, John Hayes Hammond sued. Read by John Greenman. Section 48 of Mark Twain in the New York Times, Part 5, 1907 through 1909. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain read by John Greenman. October 17, 1907. Sworn jest by Mark Twain. Humorous says he first met John Hayes Hammond in jail, Ashcroft's suit. A touch of humor enlivened the otherwise prosaic deposition of Mark Twain, which was read to the jury yesterday afternoon in the Supreme Court, Brooklyn, where the suit of Ralph W. Ashcroft, against John Hayes Hammond for $25,000 libel's damages, is being heard. The humorist explained that the first occasion upon which he met the defendant, the latter was in jail. Mr. Clemens referred to the time when Hammond was a military prisoner in Pretoria under sentence of death for participating in the Jamestown raid. The sentence was afterward commuted to a ransom of $125,000. The ground for the suit lies in a certain telegram sent to the author by the defendant, September 15, 1894, at which time both Mr. Clemens and Hammond were stockholders in the Plasman Manufacturing Company of which the plaintive was manager. The telegram criticized Ashcroft as incompetent, if not worse. Mr. Clemens admitted that the telegram had been sent. Several letters written by Hammond belittling the plaintive were also read. The case will be continued today. End of Section 48, October 17, 1907, sworn just by Mark Twain. Read by John Greenman.