 ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجًا لتسكنوا إليها الحمد لله رب العالمين له الحمد الحسن والثناء الجميل واشد أن لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له يقول الحق وهو يهد السبيل واشد أن سيدنا ونبينا محمد صلى الله عليه وعلى آله وأصحابه والتابعين لهم بإحسانين إلى يوم الدين أما بعد إن شاء الله وإتعالى I'm going to mention two hadiths about the series that we were doing on السعادة الزوجين Finding happiness in marriage The happiness of the two spouses in the marriage which they are in And we said that we're going to be taking it directly from the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم's statements and extract benefits from it because there is nothing that can cure and solve our problems better than him عليه صلى الله عليه وسلم So the answers are coming directly from the hadiths of the messenger عليه صلى الله عليه وسلم Last series we mentioned a hadith pertaining to getting married and how the sharia pushes you and urges you to get married In today's one, insha'Allah وإتعالى I want to talk about the hadiths that have come pertaining to في حسن اختياري زوجة In being good and correct in choosing the right spouse I'm going to first mention the wife to choose And then insha'Allah وإتعالى I'm going to mention the type of husband to choose In sha'Allah وإتعالى The messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم He said in a hadith which Bukhari and Muslim narrated واللفظ للبخاري And the wedding is the wedding of Ibrahim Al-Bukhari من حديث أبي هريرة رضي الله وإتعالى عنه The messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم تنكح المرأة لأربع A woman is married for four reasons لما لها her wealth ولحسبها her lineage وجمالها and her beauty ولي دينها and her religion فضفر بذات الدين تريبت يدك ونذهب إلى المرأة who has religion هل يمكنك أن تحديث؟ This hadith يجب علينا to choose a woman for religion When a man wants to get married to a sister يجب أن يجب عليها for one of four reasons This is common Some men marry the woman because she is wealthy She is wealthy She has money She is from a family Her father is either a king She is from a respected lineage She is looked up to From a high tribe or something Or her beauty She is very beautiful to him He likes her He is attracted to her So he marries her for that ولي دينها or he marries the woman for her religion Those are the four Then the prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم قمت بعمل to the woman who possesses religion This hadith My beloved brothers and sisters Is a hadith that tells us to choose a woman Because she has religious values And there is a reason why this is the case Because everything else has an up and down A woman who has religion like him In the longer run Who knows the responsibilities that are on her shoulder Who knows that she has to fulfill her husband's rights She has to be obedient and listen to him She would not work towards the angering of Allah So her religion is strong If the husband says to her اتقلها في الله She humbles herself and she takes it on board But if she is a woman who has no religious values Her wealth, her lineage, her beauty It won't benefit you Because at dunya mata'a This world is only a joy of a very short time anyways You are only going to enjoy this woman for a very short time وخير متاعها المرأة الصالحة لكن The best joy in this world is a righteous woman إن شاء الله يتعالى we are going to expand on that In the upcoming series إن شاء الله But the woman who is righteous Who possesses religious qualities that are needed You are going to live a good life You will live a very good life The woman who is disobedient to الله She is then no doubt going to be disobedient to her husband The woman who is disobedient to الله She doesn't listen to Allah to say She doesn't cover herself She doesn't pray the salah She doesn't fast in the month of Ramadan She doesn't pay the cash from her wealth The woman who does not fulfill the obligatory act That which she should do for Allah If she doesn't fulfill that Then what makes you think As a husband She is going to come and fulfill your rights Who are you for her to fulfill your rights She is already forsaked The greater responsibility which is the rights of who So when you choose a woman My beloved brothers and sisters Let the first thing you look for be religion Her Deen The religion that she possesses The Deen that she understands Some people think that the religion Is the clothing she wears alone That is the religion no doubt But that's not only it You look at the woman what she is within Her heart as a person The Deen here Is internal and external Her إخلاص Her following of the sunnah of the messenger عليه الصلاة والسلام Her appearance Her outer appearance Her bartin Internally how she is as an individual All of this you can find out From the people who are around her The sunnah also urged us To marry women for other characteristics As well Such as Marrying a woman who has Or who loves the idea of having children Or wanting to having children The حديث إمام محمد narrated On the authority of Abu Huraira The Prophet ﷺ he said تزوج الودود الولود فإني مكاثلون بكم الأمم يوم القيامة The Prophet ﷺ he said Marry تزوج الودود الولود Pay attention The woman she has two characteristics That you have to marry for She is ودود ودود means She's very loving to her husband She really loves her husband A woman Who just wants to love her husband Marry that woman She's always all What she's also doing is She's making her husband love her all the time She's doing things to make him love her That's what she works towards The Prophet ﷺ said تزوج الودود الولود The woman who wants to have children She loves having kids She loves having kids and children She doesn't say I want to have one kid No, I only have two kids No, maybe I want to have kids Four years on the line Or two years on the line Or three years on the line Don't marry a woman like that فإني مكاثلون بكم الأمم يوم القيامة Because the issue of children Our Prophet loved it What did he say? For verily I'm going to say to the Ambiya And the Prophet ﷺ The day of judgment Look at how large and how great And they are my Ummah The day of judgment So the Prophet is going to do this ﷺ So why would you Deprive the Prophet ﷺ from wanting that Why would you stop him from it Shouldn't you aid him In what he wants ﷺ So marrying a woman A woman who wants to have children And that's why I asked Abu Huraira He was the Messenger of Allah ﷺ He ordered him to marry me And he refused to marry me The woman who She wants to have children She's conceiving The Prophet ﷺ didn't like her The man who doesn't want to have children Or the woman that doesn't want to have children This is not what the Sharia wants And that's why I mentioned before In one of my lessons That When he talked about the objectives Of marriage He mentions that the ultimate goal Of getting married The ultimate goal There are other objectives in it There are other But the ultimate one is It is to have children It is to what It is to have children Also the Sharia I mentioned Other characteristics That a woman should be chosen for The woman should be chosen For these characteristics The Prophet ﷺ said The حديث of جعب ابن ماجه الترميلي النسائل They narrated it That he said تزوجت إمرأة تزوجت إمرأة تزوجت إمرأة I married a woman فأتيت النبي ﷺ I came to the Prophet فقال He said تزوجت يا جابر جابر Did you get married? فقلت نعم I said yes Then the Prophet said to him بكرن أم فيبا Did you marry a virgin? أو did you marry a non-virgin? A widow Which one did you marry? A woman who is a virgin or not? فقلت I said لا بالثيبن No I married a woman who is not a virgin A non-virgin فقال Then the Prophet said هل جارية Why didn't you marry a virgin? A young girl تلعبها وتلعبك In which you can play with her And she can play with you فقال Why didn't you marry a young girl who you can play with And she could have played with you فقال Then the Jabbard was young He married an older lady A woman who was older than him He married her She wasn't a widow I'm sorry She wasn't a virgin She was a non-virgin But the Prophet said to him Why didn't you marry that? Some of the scholars They took from this That a virgin is better than a non-virgin Some of the علمات They took from that Others have argued No, that's not the case Because the Prophet All of his wives They were not virgins Except who Except عائشة ربي الله تعالى عنها Except who عائشة The rest they were not virgins So the خلاف amongst the فقاء Is well known You will find it There's a statement That really touched me Which سعيد بنو منصور رحمه الله He narrated in his سنن But he narrated it موقوفا ولا يصح مرفوعا Meaning is the statement Of أسماء بنت أبي بكر This is the statement of أسماء بنت أبي بكر She said That يا بنيا وبنيا Oh my son And oh my daughter So she's talking to يا بنيا My son And my daughter And my daughter In another يا بنيا وبنيا She said يا بنيا وبنيا وبنيا إن هذا النكاح This marriage Is slavery فليانظر أحدكم عندما يرقر كريمته One of you Should look at Where he's going to enslave His His كريمة Now pay attention This is very powerful His daughter The person has to understand this Which is very important Marriage is slavery When a woman gets married to a man She's a slave She can't go for another man She's a slave to you She's yours So look at And make sure Where you make yourself as a slave That doesn't mean you can't leave You can leave But it means hypothetically A relationship imprisons you It strips from you Other privileges And other things that you had You can't go and think about Marrying another person In this relationship So it strips you from things It imprisons you from something You and the one Who's not married are not the same The one who can take you straight away Getting married You have to leave this relationship In order to get married to this So The religion is what you need to look for Our sisters Look at Who you're going to spend The rest of your life with Choose it wisely Is this the right person for me Is this the person I should be with Brothers Look at the person who you want to be A husband for Look at the woman Who you want to be a husband for The woman Who you want to be The mother of your children You have to look at this way before Before you You go into it One of the funny things is That I used to always remember Adults saying to youngsters When they want to get married is When you're young Your brain is not In your head Your brain is in your waist Right? You've heard that one before No Your brain is in your waist Many desires only was taking you But later Your brain starts to go into your head And you start realising Who is Who is the woman You got yourself married to And the same is to the woman She realises later What relationship She got herself into And then regret The pain and the agony starts So It's important to be correct In what you choose And who you choose So remember this حديث إن شاء الله The second حديث For this particular point And this حديث is a bit lengthy So that would mean We've done four حديث The second حديث For the chapter today Which is الحديث الواريدة في اختياري في حسن الاختيار The The حديث pertaining to Choosing the right spouse So now I'm going to speak about A couple of points are going to be In this fourth حديث But it's right It is the wife And the husband she needs to choose And also other فيق is going to be In this حديث Which is the issue of A حفادة Presenting his دوطة To a man Or also another فيق That's going to be In this حديث Which is A woman Presenting herself To a man And the ruling pertaining to that This حديث is a bit long We're going to go And try to extract This حديث is The حديث of عبد الله بن عمر رضي الله و تعالى عنه أن عمر بن الخطاب رضي الله و تعالى عنه This حديث is عمر رضي الله و عنه حين تأيمت حفصة بنت عمر من خونيس بن حدافة السهم حفصة Who is the daughter Of عمر رضي الله و تعالى عنه Her husband died حفصة Her husband died خونيس بن حدافة السهم And he was from The companions of the Most Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم And he died in مدينة فتوفي بالمدينة So Ibar went He said أتيت أثمان I went And I came to أثمان And then He said to أثمان فعرضت عليه حفصة I presented My daughter حفصة to أثمان أثمان said سأنظرو في أمر I will look into my affairs I will go home And then I will let you know فلبثت لياليا عمر said I waited for a couple of days ثم لقيني Then he came back to me عثمان فقال He said to him بدا لي ألا أتزوج يومي هذا عثمان said It has become apparent to me It has become clear to me That I do not want to marry today I am not interested in getting married now Then عمر then said فلقيت أبا بكر السديق فلقيت أبا بكر السديق I went and met أبا بكر I went and met him فقلت I sat to him انشئت زوجت تكاء حفصة بنت عمر If you want I will marry you off to my daughter حفصة فصامت أبو بكر أبو بكر وانقوايت فلم يرجع ليه شيء He did not bring He did not come back to me انسانتي to me أبو بكر He never go back to عمر again He just went quiet and he left So عمر said وكنتوا أو جدا عليه مني على عثمان He saw that what أبو بكر did In comparison to what عثمان did It left something in the heart of عمر towards أبو بكر فلبيت ليالية After that night went by ثم خطبها رسول الله The prophet got married to her فانكحتوها إياه I married Hafsah to my third prophet فلقيني أبو بكر أن أبو بكر مأمي He came up to me He said to him لعلك وجدت علي حين عارضت علي حفصة فلم أرجع عليك شيء He said Maybe you felt something towards me When you presented your daughter حفصة to me And I could never go back to you قال نعم He said yes He said قلت نعم I said yes to him أبو بكر then said فإنو لم يمنعني Nothing prevented me أن أرجع عليك For me to get back to you فبعارضت عليك In that which you presented to me Which is your daughter Hafsah إلا أني كنتعلمت أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قد يكره Except I knew the prophet was mentioning her I mean the prophet wanted to marry her فلم أكل أفشي يسرر رسول الله And I am not one Who is going to go out And mention the prophet's secret ولو تركها رسول الله If the messenger was to leave her now ها فقبلتها I would have accepted her from you The prophet didn't go for it I would have gone for it بخاري نريد that This my brothers and sisters It shows us many things Oh parents Oh fathers Who have daughters who are chast Who have daughters who are righteous If you see a righteous person A practicing brother And your daughter has reached age of puberty And you are in a society like this As a father follow the example of Umar والله his daughter is better than your daughter Hafsah والله is better than your daughter Hafsah is better than your daughter مع ذلك And even then Umar went and he saw Abu Bakr's virtue and Uthman And wanted his daughter for them This shows us That when you see a righteous person And you have a daughter Keeping your mind that You are not the one that's going to marry your daughter You're not going to get married to her Somebody else will So choose the right person for her There's a point I have to draw I want to drive home I want you to all understand Which is the issue of The father has to be smart The father has to be clever And realize that when your daughter shows A sign of interest in marriage He sees that she's looking around He sees that she's doing things The father should take it on himself To bring the idea to her Or to start to discuss it with her So she goes to the right direction The story Which is mentioned in Surat Al-Qasas Ayat 26 والله says That one of the daughters She said to her father This righteous man Who some people say is shuaib But it's not shuaib Yeah, abati my father To this her father was a righteous man She said yeah, abati my father Employ Because she came home early Early than a normal time Her father realized How did they come home today Because normally they come late Because they're waiting for every single person To fulfill their needs From the well And then after that Do they go So they come home late So he realized How did you guys come home early So they told them What happened That a righteous man And Musa came and helped them So one of the girls One of the girls She said Why? Why should she employ him? She said The best person to employ The best person to hire Is a person Who is strong and is reliable Are you with me? I believe personally That The one who said Or father employ him Or father hire him I believe he married her Even though from the The eye is not Pay attention Look at this point When she said to her father Or father hire him Or father hire him I personally believe That she Was the one Her father married her To Nebillah Musa When he said to her When he said to Nebillah Musa قال I want to marry off One of my daughters to you I'm sure That he had in mind The one who said hire him The reason why I believe it's that one Is because The father here Realized She Was ready to get married She had something already In her heart towards Nebillah Musa A father is a smart one Who realizes when his daughter Shows those signs He works with her That is then When there were righteous people At that time Imagine today In a society And the kind of lifestyle That we're living A daughter brings you A righteous person Practice in person And you reject them Because you're not the same tribe as them Or you reject them Because they don't have A lot of money As to what you expected Or what you thought But not that In that society My beloved brothers and sisters But then I also Has another benefit Which is What does a woman Take a man for She takes him Because he's A strong A mean A reliable person She can trust him She's strong And he's a reliable A trustworthy person Those are the two characteristics That a woman chooses A man for That she takes him on board Those two characteristics Are not only specific To the woman For her to choose this From her husband But it's also a characteristic That a man Marries a woman for You need a woman who's strong Who can look after her children She's strong She can look after her children You know when a woman is weak A woman who's reliable Who knows your secrets She knows your internal And she keeps it private You can trust her With your properties You can trust her With your household You can trust her With your children You can trust her With your bed That she won't bring No other man into the house You can also trust her With your secrets And your private life She's a mean Trust with the individual Those are the two characteristics That if a marriage Is lacking My beloved brothers and sisters That marriage will never stand And that marriage Will not lift the head It's a marriage To the road of destruction It's rather For you to spend Time in that marriage Is basically watering In the desert Your actions are here Your actions are here Your actions are here Your actions are here It is like a mirage You're working towards Something that doesn't exist Because these Are the two Great strongest pillars That the communication And the relationship Of two humans Two humans Who want to work together She's talking about The issue of hiring Hiring She wants these two qualities In him So that's how It should be My beloved brothers and sisters Al-Qawee Strong person And Amin Even Nabiullah Suleiman When he asked The Jinn The Jinn When he said to him Go get The Throne Of Belqisa Go get it for me What did he say? قال أنا أتيك بي قبل أن تقوم من مقامك وإني عليه لقويون Amin I will bring it to you Before you leave your sit Suleiman used to have a A place where he used to come And he used to judge In the morning he used to come And even he would leave He said Al-Qawe And he knew her Her throne Before you leave your sit Before you leave your shift And then he said After that Why? How can I do that? And how could And Nabiullah Suleiman trust him on this And he said I am strong And I am a person who is reliable It's two characteristics here So Running A project Requires someone who is قويون Amin A marriage Anyone who is running It needs to be قويون Amin The two people Who are dealing with one another Both parties قوة الأمان Also my beloved brothers and sisters This also shows us The permissibility of a woman And this is also permissible Belia Juz Rather it is Highly recommend Some scholars said That In some circumstances But definitely it is permissible That a woman presents herself على الرجل صالح To a righteous man She goes to a righteous man And she asks him for marriage And Imam Al-Bukhari رحمه الله Imam Al-Bukhari He chapted a Bab in his Sahih He chapted a Bab He chapted He placed a chapter in his Sahih And as we all know Tabweeb Al-Bukhari And Imam Al-Bukhari He is tabweebat His chapterings There are fiqh in it The way that Imam Al-Bukhari Chapted his Sahih This is a jurisprudent ruling That we can take from it And this is what he called it He said بابو عرض المرأة نفسها على الرجل صالح The chapter of a woman Presenting herself To a righteous man She sees a man who is righteous She approaches him And she says to him Please can you marry me These two that I just mentioned The issue of a father Saying to another man Do you want to marry my daughter And a woman going to a man And asking the man To get married to her In our community The Somali community It is looked down at And automatically They think that woman is She lacks shyness and haia But what is sad Is that If she goes to Haram They see less I know situations Which a man came To his parents And he said Mom and dad I want to get married They said With what What do you have What money do you have So he said Mom and dad I'm worried for myself I'm worried for falling into Zil and Haram And he said When everybody does it Everybody Goes and commits these Haram When you grow older You repent But you're not going to get married now I know brothers Whose parents said If you have a girl From bringing her to the house But you're not going to get married Now this Is sad You won't let him get married Or you won't let her get married But you let them be in a Haram relationship You will let them be in a Haram relationship A father has to know And a mother has to realize That we're in a society Where people are having Boyfriend and girlfriend relationship When my child comes up to me In this country In this society And says to me Dad I want to get married When he has other alternatives Which are Haram I kiss him on the forehead I should be wise And smart enough To kiss him on the forehead And say Oh my son Oh my daughter May Allah honor you The way you've honored me And may Allah honor you In wanting to take the part That the Prophet has legislated Ali s.a.s Are you with me It's an honor It was wrong for my child To even reach a point Where they have to tell me That they want to get married I should have realized Just like that father And daughter was walking And she came home And she said Haya him He realized from there That she's ready to get married You see my brothers and sisters This is very important There's a hadith That Imam Al-Bukhari Brought after that He brought the chaptering وساق الحديث عن طابط البناني He brought it from طابط البناني He said I came to Anas ibn Malik وعنده ابنة الله He said I came to Anas ibn Malik And he had his daughter with him His daughter was sitting there He said Anas was talking And he said جاءت امرأة إلى رسول الله A woman came to the Prophet So Anas is sitting here طابط البناني is sitting here And the daughter of Anas ibn Malik is sitting So they are talking So Anas ibn Malik says جاءت امرأة A woman came إلى رسول الله to the Prophet تعرضوا عليها نفسها She presented herself to the Prophet And she said يا رسول الله The Prophet SAW قالت يا رسول الله الك بحاجة The woman said to the Prophet Do you want me Do you have any need Do you want to Do you want to marry me When she said that Are you with me Anas ibn Malik When he had said that The woman said this Because Anas ibn Malik Is talking about the story Of the woman who came to the Prophet And she said يا رسول الله الك بحاجة Do you want me You want me Anas ibn Malik he said When the woman said that Anas his daughter Who is sitting there She said This woman Look her Look how bad her shyness is Where is her shyness How little How little is her shyness و سو اتاه And how So Anas ibn Malik He said to her هي خير منك والله she is better than you راقبت في النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فعارضت عليها نفسها She had Desires انها مسجر صلى الله عليه وسلم والله She had desires انها مسجر صلى الله عليه وسلم In him So she presented herself to him So my beloved brothers and sisters This Harith It shows us جواز عرض المرأة الزواج على رجل صالح That is permissible for a woman If she finds And feels That This man is righteous And he is good That she can present herself to him إن شاء الله I am going to conclude بإذن الله الكريم Anything which I have said Which was wrong فإنه مني و من الشيطان والله و رسوله و برياني من سبحانك الله و بحمده اشهد ان لا إله إلا الله استغفروك و أتوب إلي