 One of the hardest things for a fitness professional or somebody who's just into exercise and health is to watch a friend or family member slowly decline into poor health. What do you do? How do you help them? They won't take your advice, they feel like you're condescending, and yet here you are watching them descend into terrible health. On today's episode we talk about strategies that we found that actually work. So if you have a loved one, a friend, a family member, a spouse, a kid, a parent, somebody you care about who you want to get fit and healthy, watch this episode. We're going to give you the playbook. So great that you wanted to go this way today because last night I had the NCI call with all the coaches and trainers. One of the trainers gets on there and asks a question and she's a former orange theory trainer and is now privately training and has listened to the show for quite some time now and has learned that that was the reason why she was plateauing and having all these issues. And she now traditionally weight trains and has changed her life. She's all happy. Well, she has a sister who is I think five years younger than she is and she's still hardcore addicted to orange theory. And so her question to me was like, now this isn't obviously convincing someone to get into fitness, but it's similar. Still hard. Yeah, because now she's like, how do I convince her that this isn't the best way to train? So like what you want to talk about today is probably like right in line with what I had to communicate to her because I think people are looking for like this, you know, how do you close them or this powerful statement that you say that's just going to convince them to do it? I have all the answers for them. How can I convey this and have it stick and have the change them basically? What's up everybody? Since there's only one day left for the 50% off sale of maps and a bulk advance, I'm going to give one away for free. So here's how you can win it. Leave a comment below this video in the first 24 hours that we drop it. Subscribe to this channel. Turn on notifications. If you do all of those things and if we think your comments the best, we'll let you know in the comment section that you got free access to maps and a bulk advance. Now everybody else, it's still 50% off. You have one day left to take advantage. So if you want to click on the link at the top of the description below. All right, back to the show. This has to be, this is one of the most common questions that we get. And it's also of all the questions we get, I think I can confidently say this is also the hardest. This is one of the most of all the things you ever attempt to do as somebody who's, you know, created a good lifestyle around health and fitness. This has to be the most challenging for two reasons. One, you're watching someone you care about and you have the answers or at least you feel like you have the answers and you probably do have the answers. Good health does solve a lot of things. And you're watching them and they're getting worse and they're getting sicker. Sometimes it's crazy obvious. Sometimes it's like my dad had a heart attack or, oh my gosh, they just added another medication to my friend or I have a child and they're depressed. And I know why they're depressed. They're not moving. They're not exercising. It's their diet. It's how they're eating or a friend. And you may be losing connection with the friend because you're moving in the direction of better health and they refuse. And so now it's hard for you to connect with them because they want to do things that maybe aren't so healthy anymore. So it's really hard. And then convincing them to move over. First off, it immediately can come across as or feel like a trigger. I mean, go up to a family member who's obese and then tell them, hey, you know, you probably should start working out immediately. They're like, oh, it's because I'm fat. Oh man, that is like you're hitting me right. Defenses are up like right away. Yeah. It's like, oh, and you think you're so great. And you're just talking about me because I don't look good. And that's making me feel super terrible and negative. So that alone, just that right there makes it so hard. I made this connection pretty early in my career. And I think it's because of the background that I had as a kid. You know, if you've listened to the show long enough, you've heard me talk about, I grew up in the church, lots of different churches. And, you know, as a young kid, one of the things they, you know, prophesize to you is just the importance of evangelizing and going out there and converting other people, right? Yeah. And I remember hearing so much of that as a kid and then like getting a little bit older and then watching my parents and then watching how people within the community did that. And I was just like, God, it's such a turnoff. I was friends with people and I'd hear people talk about them after they leave. It's like, oh, and like right away bash them and oh, they're hypocritical. And it's just like, man, that is such an unsuccessful way to convert these people over into your beliefs by coming over and basically shaming them or making them feel like they don't have something and you have it. And it's like, it's such a terrible way to do that. And I realized that like, man, the best way to do something like that is to be this example or live this life in a manner that is so attractive that people want to ask you. And then you have the opportunity to say, oh, well, I do this and this and that. And that's why that, and it's the same thing. It really is a hundred percent. And just to back up a little bit, you have to, if it's really important to you, okay, if it's really important to you that you get your family member or friend or spouse or parent to start exercising and start making positive changes with their diet, let's say, if that's really important to you, then you have to ask yourself this question right here. Because this is all that matters, okay? How can I be effective? Not how can I be right? Okay, there's a difference. That's like, when you have an argument with someone, I can be right. So you can get an argument with your wife or your husband, and you can be right and then be pissed and hate each other. Yeah, and still not get through. Nice. Now you gotta live together. What are you gonna do with that, right? Or you could be effective. How can I be effective? That's what you have to think to yourself. Now, what is effective? Effective for somebody who's doing nothing really in the direction of good health or really isn't placing any effort or energy into it. Effective is a step, is a single step. So ask yourself that and then also realize that it's often a long game. It's almost never. In fact, I'm trying to think right now. Have you guys ever had one conversation where you brought it up and immediately converted somebody? No. Yeah, it's a long game. You never did. It was very short lived. No, right? Like, so you can convince somebody with a shock and awe tactic and I know that, you know, some marketing and, you know, there's some effective ways to do it, but it never lasts. Or guilt them or shame them. Right. I mean, yeah, you could do that, but it does. It never lasts the best. I mean, I thought about this before too. Like, what would I do if all of a sudden, like, my wife fell way off and like just all of a sudden Katrina is no longer working out. She puts on 50, 60 pounds and just all of a sudden does care. Now, obviously I know as a trainer coach and like that there's probably something else that's really going on that's causing that, but how would I motivate her to get back into us with that? It wouldn't be me telling her anything. I would, I would then put the responsibility. And even though I consider myself healthy and fit right now, I would double and triple down in that category. Like I would want her to see me making sacrifices and the effort to go. And so she could see that through me and let that be the thing that she's attracted to, to bring her that direction or at least get her to ask the right questions versus me standing, even being where I'm at now, I'm pretty healthy and fit. And oh, she's going way off the deep end. So here I'm going to sit here and preach to her, tell her. Or berate her. Yeah, or berate her or shame her. It's like, no, that's not the move. The move still is like, okay, like there's lots of areas in my life in the, in the health sphere that I can be better. So I'm going to, I'm going to be even better than what I am now and let her see that drive and me to be that better version of myself and hope it bleeds over into her. Yeah. The two challenges that are going to come up if you don't do this right, or even if you do it right, that might happen or you're going to come across as a know it all. And for those of us in the health and fitness space, we know that this is common. Like you'll get the eye roll like, okay, yeah, right. Like exercise is going to help my anxiety. Yeah. Right. Like you'll say things and they'll ask you questions and you'll tell them how improved health basically improves everything. But to that person who's never experienced it, where you just come across as a know it all. The other one, and this is a big one is, and this is the, the halo effect or the like perfect, you know, angel fallacy or whatever is that oftentimes what they'll do is they'll point out your imperfections or how easy it is for you to do this. So, oh yeah, well, yeah, you work out all the time. You don't have the three kids or you don't have a back injury or you've never had to deal with what I deal with or you've, have you seen my work schedule? So these are your challenges. Now, what you're saying, Adam, about be the example, the reason why that's the first most important one is that's the most effective one. There's nothing more effective. If you want to evangelize, you got to model it. You have to model it. And then it has to be that person's idea. They, if they come to you, if you're, if you're the example, okay, if you're just living it and the person notices you're in a good mood, you look good, energy, like holy cow, like, and they know, then they notice your structure. Wow, when we go out to eat and you don't make a big deal about it. So here's, here's the B of the example part. We're at dinner and I'm not talking about why I'm not eating these things. Oh, that it's got a lot of sugar. And you know, gluten can be inflammatory and I don't like processed foods. No, no, no. It's literally like, no, thank you. I don't want that. No, thanks. I'm not, I'm not into that. Well, why don't you want it? I just don't want, like, you don't make a big deal about it. You be the example. If that, if it works, what will happen is the person will ask you, then it becomes their idea. Like, hey, you know, I noticed that you, like you turned this other, all these foods down. Like, like, are you like obsessive? Like actually, no, it's, I kind of don't want them. Yeah, I know how it makes me feel. Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, well, it made me feel like this and then eventually I just don't want it anymore. Or man, I noticed, like holy cow, like, you know, we were at the beach and we were pulling those, those coolers on the beach and like everybody was huffing and puffing and puffing and you were just, that's crazy. Like, yeah, I know it's a, you know, thankfully I work out and it allows me to have that kind of stamina or whatever. So you can, if it comes, becomes from them, it's their idea and it's not you preaching down to them. And this is just historically the best way to evangelize is to be around these people and be the example of what it is. And remember the example is not pushy, preachy or shameful, it's calm, it's relaxed and it's confident. It's calm, relaxed and confident. Now think to yourself the times you might have been evangelized into doing something new and it probably was your idea. You probably went up to the person and said, hey, how do you, how do you do that thing? Or I noticed something, you know, and it's because they were living or being in a particular way that made you feel like there was something to it. So by the way, nothing we're gonna say is a guarantee. All of everything we're gonna say still might not work, but it's your best chances. That's basically what we're saying. You're trying to close your family member on your ideas and your philosophy, right? So there is a close that's happening here. And I always talk about how, you know, there's a difference between a good closer and a great closer. And a good closer can, you know, overcome the objections, push somebody, shame somebody, guilt somebody into making the purchase or making that choice. But they always end up regretting it or give up on it or don't do it when you do that versus somebody who knows how to pull somebody into a sale or pull somebody into your ideas. Or lead them into it. Yeah. And that's where they pull or lead. That's the same thing. That's what you're doing by leading by example and looking for them. And then I just think that all of us, everybody, even these fitness fanatics, have an area in the health and fitness sphere that you can be better. And so, and you focus, you know, and Jordan Peterson talks about this, like cleaning your own room, right? Before you go out there and tell everybody else about what they could be doing better. It's like, well, one of the best things that you can do to get them to do that is actually to do more of that in your life. Otherwise, what they all do is that what happens and you don't see it because they don't do it to your face, they wait until you walk away and they go like, you know, I saw what he did yesterday. Yeah. He had a drink. Yeah. He still drinks and does that. Or I see the way he treats his wife. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't know. If that's what a fit guy looks like or acts like, I'd rather be fat and take care of my wife. You know what I'm saying? Like, so they will pick you apart. And so you better, if you're going to come at somebody and be preaching, you better fucking have all your ducks in a row because they'll ride away. That's what they're going to see. Yeah. I mean, the sooner you come to the realization that you can't control anything other than yourself and your own behavior, your own actions, the better off you're going to be. And really, like that's, it's just our natural tendencies. You want to help and you want to, you look at somebody as potentially like, I have all this knowledge. I have all this wisdom to pass on to them. And I really want to, you get excited about it, especially when it's a new thing too. Definitely when it's new. And so like, it's that whole kind of like conundrum because you're experiencing it. It's real time. It's, your body's changing. You have all this new energy and life. And you just want to just give it away and like, like pass it on to everybody. But that's really where you need to just keep living it, keep focusing on what you're doing specifically into Adam's point, keep doing it at a higher level because at that point it's contagious. You hit why I think it's one of the most challenging things. And this is why I was even challenged when I first started is because you're excited. You want to preach off the rooftop. You want to tell everybody. Because it radically changed your life, which by the way is very similar to somebody who finds God. They were completely parallel. Right. They were at the bottom of the barrel. Life was terrible for them. They find religion. Religion completely turns their life around and it's done so much for them. And then they just, they feel so compelled to share and tell everybody. It's just a terrible strategy if their desired outcome is to convert more people. The same thing goes for somebody who has been radically changed by health and fitness. You become a trainer or you, you change your way you eat and the way you exercise. And it's radically changed you. And you think going out and sharing that with everybody else is going to convert them over to doing it. And it just is not. The two most important parts about this are, one, realize that you're not going to be a hundred percent in the sense that you're not going to convince everybody. So it's still, it's still going to be hard no matter what. So realize that because what can happen is you could be like, well, I'm being the example. It's not working. So I'm now I'm going to resort to pushing them, shaming them or whatever. No, no, you just lowered your odds. So number one, it doesn't work on everybody. No matter what, they have to be ready for it. But it's the most effective. And number two, here's the most important thing about being an example. Be calm, confident and relaxed in it. Don't talk about it. Don't preach it. Don't talk about your choices. No. Don't make a big deal about it when it's pointed out to you. I remember when I finally figured this, because I was the guy that would try to sell everybody. I mean, I went to my parents' house, went through their cupboards, threw stuff away. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to shame my own parents, you know, they didn't work. Like I did this for a long time. And I remember when I first figured this out, I went somewhere with a bunch of friends and family members and it was a, we were at a park and then we all had our tank tops on and then, you know, shirts off and we're playing. And I started getting comments. And I remember I was very calm about it, real relaxed. I kind of brushed things off and people were saying things like, man, you look good. Wow, what's going on? You got all this energy. You know, what's going on? And I would just say, you know, oh yeah, well, you know, I train and, you know, oh, thanks. I appreciate that. And I would take it as a compliment. I was very calm about it. By the end of the day, I had a few people come up to me and be like, hey, what kind of workout should I do? And they came and asked me, had I gone and preached to other people, 100% would have turned everybody off. Now, the next point, this is another very effective strategy. I've used this before with family members in particular. This one takes a little more time, but if you really care about somebody, this one could be super, super valuable. Is to invite them to come work out with you. Now, I want to be very clear. The goal is not to train them and the goal is not to, you know, show them a great workout or whatever. The goal is to give them a good experience. That's it. End of story. These are your friends. These are your family members. You love them. They probably like hanging out with you. Obviously, you got a good relationship with them. So when they come to work out with you and you don't have to present it as a workout, you can literally say, hey, do you want to take this class with me? Hey, do you want to go on a hike with me? Hey, I want to do this. I'd like to do this thing at the park that I do want to come around and hang out, whatever. And then the goal is not to give them a crazy workout. That's going to happen. Or they're going to exercise. They're going to move. The goal is to make it a fun, great experience. Because what you're doing, what you're doing in a kind of sideways kind of way is you're building a positive relationship with exercise. And it starts with the experience. It does not start with the soreness, the sweat, the challenge. Everybody thinks it's the soreness. Like, oh, my dad finally came to a workout. I'm going to show him what it's like to have a hard workout. What you're going to do by doing that is guarantee he'll never want to come back, especially after he feels the way he feels the next couple of days. But if he shows up and you're hanging out, you're having great conversation, you do a couple of movements, he makes some comments on it, you're chill about it, super calm. You do your little thing. And he gets this really good experience. They'll probably come to the next one, the next one. And then they'll start to say, huh, I like the way I feel. This is kind of cool. Maybe I could do some of this on my own. Well, thinking about the steps that I would take, again, using the analogy, if Katrina had put on all this crazy weight and I'm trying to figure out, you know, how do I get her back to pursuing her health and fitness, right? The first step obviously is to be the example, right? To double, triple down on bettering myself and letting her see that. And then the next thing is, as I'm making those choices is inviting her, you know, and making no big deal about it. Like, hey, today I'm going to go to the gym at two, did you want to go with me? And just ask, that's it. And you do. If you do, you do. If you don't, you don't. That's also it. Don't make them feel stupid about it. Yeah, it's not a big deal. And if I'm consistently thinking about cleaning my own room and getting my stuff better and better and better, and just subtly inviting her to make those choices with me and not making a big deal about it if she does or she doesn't, that I guarantee, like, that's enough right there. That will start to, most people, right, there's always going to be things like you said, there's going to be people who just don't give a fuck. Like, you can't do anything about that. And it's not for you to try and convince that person. That's on them. But I mean, if I'm strategically doing this with somebody I love, this is what it looks like. It's me first, keep dialing in. And then every opportunity when I can invite her to join me in these choices, I invite and I don't make a big deal about it if she says no, it's no big deal. Yeah, let them ask the questions when you're there too. I love it. Just invite them along with you. What should we do? Like, that's a great place to start is like, you know, waiting for them to kind of, you know, ask you those specific questions so then you can, so it's going to be hard to not keep going and keep adding detail and then get hyped up as well to the earlier point. It's like, once, once you kind of open that door too, like you don't want to turn it into a Mona V presentation and you have a captive audience and you're like hammering them with all these facts and your knowledge. So that, again, I just remember that as a new trainer as well. Too, I get excited once somebody starts to kind of get a little bit of a gleam of like, I'm buying into all of this. It's like, okay, just stay calm and just allow things to progress at the pace that they're going to. This was the only thing that worked for me with my parents was this part too. Because that was always the example in the sense that I've been working down and doing that stuff forever. But you know, when it's your kid and oh, that's his thing, right? That's kind of what it became. Oh, this is Sal's thing and he's a little weird because he won't eat the pasta that I made because it's got this or whatever. But this set, the one that we're talking about now is the only one that worked because my parents want to hang out with their kid. I know this, I'm a parent with my kid grew up. You know, as they become teenagers, especially in their 20s, like getting your kid to hang out with you is kind of hard. So if my kid invited me, hey dad, you want to come hang out with me and play video? I don't know, something I don't normally do. I'm going to be like, yeah, sure, because I just want to hang out with you. This is the only thing that worked with my parents is I would invite them to do something like I'd tell my dad, hey, you want to go do the sauna and then maybe we'll do some stretches together or, hey mom, let's go on a walk together. And they're like more than happy. And I'm not even talking about the workout. I'm not even saying to them, oh, let's do this step here. We're having fun conversation. And as I had done this a few times, they start to get that, oh, I like doing this type of thing and now my mom walks all the time. Now my dad has been going to the gym a little bit and quiet about a trainer. I was able to hire a trainer for him. This step is the only thing that worked for me with my parents. And I want to add to a point that you made that I think is really important and something that maybe I would have made a mistake or did make mistakes when I was a younger trainer and the older wiser trainer would do it different, which is if Katrina does come, right? I've invited her. It's the ninth time. And she finally goes, yeah, you know what? I do want to come with you. And then she comes. I actually am going to dramatically scale my workout. Like I actually want to make it, instead of the young ego driven trainer of like trying to impress her, you know what I'm saying? Or show her how much I know or show her how strong I am and like probably defeat her. I'm actually going to go the whole opposite direction and kind of to your point of I'm more focused on the experience and enjoying it together. I don't care if we did one exercise. You know what I'm saying? That we just went to the gym. Maybe we walked on the treadmill and maybe we spent the whole time foam rolling and getting ready to squat and doing a few sets of squat and talking about. And having good conversation. Yeah, just, and that's it. Like, and really, and then, and let her go like, that's it. That's how we're doing it. Like, honey, that's all we need to do. Like we haven't been here in a while. That's already we're moving in the right directions and like that way she's not fucked up the next day. The next day she will feel anything that she does because it's new. She hasn't done it in months or potentially years, whoever we're talking about. So I know any sort of movement in this direction is going to make her feel it. And so I don't want, what I don't want is her to wake up and feel crippled and not want to work out the next day. By the way, this one we're talking about, inviting them is the most effective one for spouses because it's a date. And that's how you would present it, by the way. Hey honey, Friday afternoon, what are you doing? Hey, I found this really cool hike that I like to go on. Or hey, I'd like to go to the gym and do this like new meditative class or let's hang out together and then let's go get lunch. And it is, it's all about the experience and about the relationship and then they enjoy it. And by the way, here's the other thing that can happen if you go to the gym and then you try to show off and show them how fit and tough you are. Even if they don't do it and they don't get sore, all it does is make them feel even more out of shape. Yeah, makes them feel so far away. Yes, it makes them feel so separate and makes them feel like, oh my God, there's my husband and look at me and look what he can do and he's totally into this. And we're here, but we're not really here together. In fact, we came here together and now I feel more separate than ever and I'm never going to come back here. I don't know if I'll ever get to that level. Exactly, 100%. All right, the next one, this one is extremely important because if you don't do this, 100% the person is going to look at you and come up with every reason why you can do this and they can't. And that is to validate them, validate them. So if they tell you and you're having this conversation and you're the example and they ask you questions and they say, well, how many days a week do you work out? You're like, well, I don't know, five or six. Oh God, I don't have the time for that. Yeah, I know most people don't have the time for it. I'm lucky that I'm able to do that. Yeah, most people don't have nearly that much time. I mean, I look at you, you have kids in a job that would be really hard for someone like you to work out that much or even do anything probably for yourself. Do you ever get time for yourself? You're validating them and you're making them feel understood and heard and they're open, they're remaining open. Remember, you're trying to be effective and you're not effective once they shut those doors. Once they shut those doors, everything you say is going to bounce off, but if they remain open, because here's the reality, you're trying to talk to somebody and taking that first step. The first step is any step forward, okay? So yeah, five days a week would be a step. It's probably too big of a step. Usually it's one or two or something or anything. So validate their challenges or they ask you like, well, how do you eat? You're like, I actually eat only whole natural foods. I feel much better with that. Like, I don't have the time to cook and I buy this processed stuff because it's easy and it's fast and the kids don't like it. Yeah, I know it's super hard. My God, I can't even imagine how challenging it must be for you to manage all that stuff. So you know, there are some options with processed foods that are a little better. And I know some really good companies if you're interested or something like that, right? So you're validating and you're helping. What you're not doing is making them feel stupid. Making them feel stupid for their feelings, which if you do that again, the doors close. Yeah, stupid or alone, right? I used to teach my trainers to, this was like a stick that I did forever, which was almost anything. So I trained them to do this. That a client would say like, oh man, I have such a hard time with this or oh, I can't do this. I would tell them to say like, almost all my clients, like let them feel like they are normal for having that challenge or feeling like they can't do this or not having enough time. All the excuses, all the challenges, all things like that. But one of the best ways to validate them is to let them know that, oh yeah, most of my clients have a hard time with that. That's actually what. You make them feel secure that, you know how to navigate through these waters too, because now it's just like, oh cool, I'm not alone. I feel hurt because you validated what I said. And oh, now I feel confident that you might have the answers to solve this because most of your clients have struggled with this also. It's such a powerful way to kind of hit all those. By the way, it's true. Yeah. It's not a trick. It's not, I'm not lying. Yeah, you're the anomaly. You're a fitness person or the anomaly. Everything that they're saying, all the challenges they have is what most people feel and have. So you definitely make them realize like, yeah, you're not an outlier. That is, man, that's a tough one. I used to tell like a doctor who gets somebody who gets diagnosed with something, like you get bad news, got an STD, you get some crazy news from a doctor. And like, could you imagine, like the doctor goes, oh my God. Yeah, yeah. I've never seen somebody. First he goes like, it's actually really common. You know what I'm saying? Then you're like, oh, okay. It's not so bad. But it's like, I used to tell my trainers it's the same thing. I've never seen a rash like that. Yeah. You'll say you're like, oh, you freak out. But if you're, literally if you're a doctor, I mean, literally how they respond to whatever it is that you get diagnosed or told you have everything from his basic little rash to something crazy, like a terrible STD answer, right? Like no matter what it would be, if the doctor makes you feel like it's very common and he sees it and deals with it all the time, you instantly have this feeling of relief and like, okay, like, well, tell me what do we do? Yeah. If your doctor went, oh, you know, or I don't know, that's tough or just trying to, you're like, it's a shitty feeling. I think sometimes it might feel like work in this situation where it's like, so you mentioned your parents and trying to convince, like the same thing with me and my dad and I already know all of his behaviors. I know what he does. And then, you know, for him to come in and kind of explain the reasoning and well, I do eat healthy and I do this and I'm like in the back of my head I'm like, no, you definitely don't. I've seen what you eat, you know, and like, and you want to kind of interject and you just bite your tongue, you know, like this is an opportunity for them to be vulnerable and to share with you. And if, again, I think the people that are closest to you, that's the hardest because it's like, if you really want to infuse change, you have to allow them to be vulnerable to share even if like, you probably know a little bit more than you should about this. Even if you know they're lying to themselves. You know, you're lying to themselves and it may even be some, they believe it, you know, in their head, but it's like you see the action. By the way, we're not telling you to lie. So loving people or caring about them is not lying at all. No, it's compassion. It's just compassion. It's compassion and it's just effective. So like, let's say you have a family member and they just got put on another blood pressure medication and they're poor health and they smoke a lot. They smoke cigarettes, right? So real obvious, unhealthy thing. And then they come to you and they ask you some health and fitness stuff and you say, well, you know, probably an easy, what probably one of the big steps you could do is quit smoking, you know, because they came and asked you, right? You're the example. And then they say something like, well, yeah, I did cut the amount of cigarettes I smoked by a third. Now the fitness fanatic in here or whatever, might be like, stop smoking everything. Like, okay, fine. You went from smoking three packs of two packs. Good job. But instead, what you should do is say that and this is true. This is true. Yes, that is a very good step in the right direction. That's awesome. Get excited for them. Yeah, or man, you know, I got a progress. Yeah, or God, I really got to fix my eating. You know what I do now is now, instead of drinking regular Coke, I have diet Coke, you know, or something like that. Instead of being like, well, you know, you should just drink water. Like actually, you know, that is less calories. That is a direct, that is moving in the right direction. Or, you know, hey, you know, I used to skip breakfast. Now I have a bagel in the morning, right? Okay, not the best choice. But rather than saying that, you say, yeah, I could see that's definitely a good step in the right direction. Now you're trying to fuel yourself in the morning. And then what happens, not every time, but sometimes is it opens up for their conversation. Oh, okay. Well, is the bagel a good choice in the morning? Well, I mean, what are you looking for? Cause there might be some better choices versus right out the gates. Oh, you have a bagel in the morning. That's not good. That's going to spike your blood sugar and your insulin's going to crash. And they're not going to listen to you anymore. So I know we're trying to, we're trying to convince family and friends to do this, but that's actually just great advice for all coaches and trainers. Like that's how you should communicate to your clients. All clients is to, anytime they make a point to tell you that they're making a decision that they think is better for their health, even if it's technically not. Commend the decision. Exactly. At least you want to commend the effort that they're putting forth to do that and celebrate that. If you shoot it down and correct it, like, oh, that's not good. You shouldn't do that. Like a bagel, that's a terrible decision for that. Well, that was better than fucking eating fruit loops that they were eating before. You're saying like, it's better than that. And it's moving in the right direction. And so you got to celebrate that. Otherwise what will happen, which most people, most people that are in that situation, all of us for that matter, that came to the gym for the first time, are insecure. And so you already kind of have this wall up and you're already a little defensive and you're already less likely to really be vulnerable and open up and share really all the things that you struggle with. And so if the first thing that you say that you're doing good, you get shut down. Like they're going to put that wall up and now you're never going to get down. Yeah, I remember being at a dinner with people that I had just met because they were co-workers of, you know, at the time, my wife. And I remember them passing the bread around. And I said, no thanks. And you know, the comments start right away. And I didn't make a big deal about it. I said, oh yeah, no thanks. I said, you don't want to eat bread? Yeah. And I remember, no, no. I mean, well, no. The alarm goes on. Yeah, I said, no, it kind of really affects my stomach. But don't you love bread? Yeah. I'm not kidding me. Bread's delicious. Like I'm validating all of it rather than be like, well, you know, I don't like it as much as my health. My health is more important. Okay. Now there's the preachy guy that everybody was looking for. All right. This next one is a, another very effective, very effective strategy for a few different reasons. Earlier we talked about inviting people to come work out with you and create a good experience. Here's a good one for nutrition. Invite them over to cook a meal with you. And don't make it. You're going to come over and we're going to cook this super low calorie healthy meal or this low carb. Don't say that. You plan it and you make it healthy, but that's not what we're talking about. You're just coming over and we're going to cook it together. And then let them make the comments. Like, wow, that's a lot of vegetables that you're cutting up. And where'd you get this meat from? And wow, I like the way you prepared that. You used coconut milk instead of, you know, whatever. I see you using olive oil versus a seed oil. Like why are you using that? And then you make it. Yeah, fun together. You connect. Great experience. And then you eat the meal together. By the way, one of the side effects of this that I absolutely loved was that a lot of people, and this is just today, it's modern times, a lot of us equate cooking to, it takes time, it's work and it's hard. And as a result, most of us never really cook meals with our family, our kids and our spouses. And we forgot that it's actually a fun bonding experience. It really is. Like one of my favorite things to do, if I want to hang out with my kids, is we cook a meal together and we do all of it together and we play music and it's this wonderful experience. And when you do this with somebody and you're making a healthy meal, they start to see it and they start to be like, I actually enjoy doing this. Like maybe I'll take some time aside to start cooking for myself. So I actually love this strategy and I actually love this strategy for a similar reason, but I like to go in the direction of like I'm going to cook a big old fatty rib eye steak in a cream of mushroom spinach. You're going to see me saute the onions and olive oil. I'm going to have butter and I'm going to let them see these things that they're like, wait a second. I thought that was unhealthy. Yes. Because then that opens the door for me to like educate on like, no, these, you could absolutely enjoy a great steak like this and a meal like this. This is not what puts all that excess weight and make people unhealthy at all. And then you have an opportunity to educate that eating healthy is not as bad as what people make it. I know it's presented as tilapia and asparagus all day long, but that's not, that's not how most of us eat and there's a way for you to actually have really good foods and yet stay in a real caloric balance to where you can lose weight or be in shape. And so I like going that direction where they see like a meal that's like really good and just it doesn't register for them that like this is something that you could eat. Yeah, we made a huge impact on my mother-in-law this way. She came, she would come and stay with us because she's out of state and you know, she's just with us. So because she's with us, she's eating with what we, and we cook together. And she would make comments like that. Like, oh, you guys eat, you guys eat like fatty lamb and oh wow, you put olive oil on everything. I thought that was high calorie and whatever. And we're like, no, and you know, not answer some questions. And then she's like, oh my God, it's really delicious and I feel really good. And then it turned into, I love coming here because when I eat with you guys, I feel so good. And then it turned into her implementing pee. Huh? Yes. Yeah, like I've noticed that too. And my mom, the same thing, we've been able to kind of influence like subtly with that and like have them involved and bring them over and cook the meals with us. And then you start to see that now when we go over there, there'll be like a dish that's, look what I made. You remember this and they remember those times that they put it all together and two, it just brings that connection back to the foods. And I love, I love actually like taking, especially with the kids, we'll have, we have a garden outside too and we'll have them kind of cut off like some carrots, some tomatoes and some things that we're naturally kind of growing there too. So it's just like, it builds that association further as like, oh, this is our food. This is our vegetables that we have and grown in the garden too. So, you know, there's cool ways to kind of bring that back in and realize that where the food actually comes from. Yeah. And I can't, I can't stress this enough. People are always looking for something to do with each other or how do I connect with my teenage kids or how do I get my wife, we're going to hang out, but I want to talk, something healthy or my husband or whatever. Cooking, preparing a meal like prepping, cooking, eating, cleaning together while playing music, having good conversation, hanging out is actually one of the funnest things you could possibly do. It's so enjoyable that I look forward to doing it with my kids. I connect with them while we're doing it. We have a good time. It's not a chore. It's not crazy work. It's great. We're all connecting together. And in the meanwhile, what's what's happening in the background is I'm making some influence. I'm influencing them with some healthy choices and they're eating things that haven't eaten before and they see what the prep looks like and it becomes something that they start to value. All right. Lastly, this one is also effective but don't hammer this one too much but inject it here and there, which is talk about your challenges around fitness. Now, if you do this one too obvious, it's like, what are you doing? Why are you telling me about all how hard this is for you so much? But it could be literally something like, hey, what did you do this morning? Oh, man, I did not want to work out today. Sometimes I just have those days where I do not want to go to the gym but I got up and I went anyway. So I did that and then I, you know, I went to work and this happened. So what you're doing is you're showing your human and that you also sometimes don't want to work out or you also sometimes want to make that whatever food choice or whatever. So it's good to show people that you're human just like they are. So I love this one. I think it's extremely important. I think the way this looks like for me is and whether you intentionally wrote them in this order or not but it's in this order where it's like, I'm being the example first. I'm inviting them to do these things like that. I'm going to do the cooking and things like, and then when finally they're asking questions, this is how I start. So they're finally like, oh, you know, what is it? And then I go like, man, I tell you, it's a challenge for me too. I'm tempted to do this and there's mornings where I don't want to get like, I'm going to start with letting them know that I'm not invincible. I'm human too. And so that's my first start. Like the beginning of me starting to educate starting to help starting to get them to move along is actually admitting how hard this is for me. That's how I want to start that conversation. I don't even need to say nothing to them on my data until they ask. Once they ask and I get to this point because I've done all the steps before, I lead with that vulnerability of sharing my challenges, my struggles where I've had pitfalls, what I've learned from my mistakes and how I'm still learning today to humanize me and then let them know that like, I too know what it's like to struggle. And hopefully together, we'll figure this out. By the way, this is the opposite of what our tendency tends to be. Our tendency tends to be we want to present this flawless, perfect image. Like, wow, you work out five days a week. Like, isn't that hard? No, man. I wake up. This is like what I do, man. Like I love it. I feel fit. It feels amazing. I look forward to it every day. All you're doing is making yourself less and less relatable to this person. Yeah, I feel nothing like that. Yeah. Oh, well, no wonder you work out all the time. You just love it so much where they'll say something like, God, how do you eat healthy all the time? Well, I love the way it makes you feel genetic. In fact, I crave broccoli. I crave this. I take all I want to eat. When I look at a donut, like I just know how it makes me feel. Versus the opposite with that is like, man, for a long time, I struggled with vegetables. I hated vegetables. Yes. I did not want to eat them. I didn't like them. I couldn't figure out why. And then you educate them on why and how you found out why you didn't like that and then how you change that behavior. Versus saying, oh, I love vegetables. I just like eating them all the time. Listen, there's nothing more unrelatable than somebody who does something that you think is hard. But then they make you believe it's easy for them. Yeah. So now it's like, well, yeah, of course, you know, that's not a problem for you, right? Of course, that's not an issue for you. You know, you don't break the law not because you're afraid to, you know, you just, that's just what you do and you're just afraid to get arrested but not because you have all these temptations like I do or whatever. Oh, you eat healthy. That's because you think unhealthy food is gross. So of course you're going to do that way. But what about someone like me who loves unhealthy food? I have no idea what that's like type of deal. So talk about your challenges. Humanize yourself. By the way, for trainers, one of the most effective things you could do is this right here. What we're talking about right here took me a little while to learn this but when I was able to present my challenges to my client, then my advice became 10 times more effective. It was not effective when they saw me as this 19 year old fitness fanatic who has all the time in the world who just loves working out and he just, he's lucky because he got to do this for a living and that's that. When they viewed me like that, my advice was kind of like, well, okay, we'll see how that applies to me. But when I talked about my insecurities and I thought I was so skinny and I developed this bad relationship and it made me not feel so good and I'm really challenged in these areas with nutrition like I could get obsessive. Then they were like, okay, okay, he did it and I can hear that he had some challenges so maybe I can do it too. Look, if you like the show, first off, share this with friends and family. Let them know you care about them. Also, get our free fitness guides. We have a lot of free fitness guides that cost nothing. Go to mindpumpfree.com. You can also find all of us on social media. Justin is on Instagram. Mind Pump Justin. I'm on Instagram. Mind Pump DeStefano. And Adam is on Instagram at Mind Pump Adam.