 Leaning back is kind of a lifestyle methodology that a lot of the women in our community have used in order to regain their confidence, gain a lot of power in a relationship, and get a guy, if they're dating, to get a guy to chase them and attract the guy and have that guy value them a lot more. And it's even really great because you can use it in relationships where you can lean back in the relationship the guy will start valuing you more and chasing you more and putting more effort and energy into the relationship. And so it's a really, really great methodology, especially if you're in a situation where you feel like you've been giving everything to a man or a man and they only end up taking you for granted and pulling away and losing interest and disappearing on you, you can use this to kind of turn everything around. But sometimes there's a few mistakes that women will make while they're leaning back where what will end up happening is that a bunch of problems will end up coming up and it's usually the guy will end up disappearing or ghosting them and we're gonna talk about what these mistakes are and why these kinds of things happen and how to turn that around in case that's your situation. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. Today, I'm gonna be talking about the mistakes that a lot of women make when they're leaning back and trying to attract a man, trying to get him to chase her, trying to get him to value her more and what you should be doing instead. And so the first one is ignoring a man. So this is a huge mistake that a lot of women sometimes make is that they will completely ignore a man and this is when you don't respond to a guy in hopes to make him want you more. And so this can actually work in some scenarios and I never ever recommend it by the way. The only time that it'll work is if you're dating a really dumb guy or a really insecure man. And in those kinds of situations, he'll start feeling kind of anxious and like, oh my God, I gotta get her back, right? And so he'll start chasing you because of that but it only leads to resentment and pain long term. And if he starts figuring out that you're doing it on purpose, he'll either one walk away if he values himself or two, he'll start doing that to you as well in order to get payback and revenge on you. And so you never wanna ignore a man. The only time I ever recommend that you ignore a man is when you never wanna talk to that guy ever again. If that's not the scenario, do not ignore a man. That does not work. If you're here with us right now, say hi in the chat and tell us where in the world you're watching this from. It's cool to see women from all over the world watching these live streams. Okay, so number two, the second thing that you don't wanna do is going no contact on a guy. And so I hear this a lot. There's kind of this misconception that leaning back is the same thing as going no contact. Those are two completely different things. Going no contact is a breakup strategy. So if somebody breaks up with you, you go no contact so that you can regain your strength, regain your power, regain your sense of confidence. And then you can either move on with your life or reconnect with your ex in a way where you're stronger and feeling more empowered. The third one that this is not another mistake is ghosting him. And if you're not familiar with the term ghosting, I know there are some women that aren't. It's when you're communicating with somebody and then all of a sudden you're like, gone, right? You just disappeared, right? You turn into a ghost and you're no longer there. And this can be really, really frustrating for whoever's kind of experiencing it. And it's one of those things like, you don't ever want to just not let him know what's going on with you and then expect him to continue chasing you. And I get this with women all the time, especially some of my one-on-one clients that I've had, they'll come to me and they'll be like, oh yeah, this guy ghosted me and I'll ask him about the situation. And I'm like, are you sure that he ghosted you and that you weren't the one who ghosted him, right? And it's kind of interesting, right? We live in this culture right now where people are just ghosting each other left and right. And they've actually done studies on this. I know that they've done studies on so many different things. And they've actually found that women tend to ghost men more than men ghost women. And a lot of times it's actually just miscommunication in my experience with working with both men and women. A lot of times it's just miscommunication where you think that you're leaning back and you're trying to get him to chase you and you're like, oh, I'm gonna do less. But all of a sudden the guy thinks that you disappeared on him completely, right? He sent you a message or something and you never responded or he sent you a couple of messages and you never responded. And you thought that he would continue following up or you sent him something that made him think that you weren't really interested in him and he kind of just disappeared because he thought that you weren't really interested. And so you don't wanna ghost him. You want to communicate with him. You wanna talk to him. You wanna let him know what's going on with you and your life. That way he doesn't think that there's something weird going on or that you ghosted him or that you're cheating on him or something like that if you're in a committed relationship. The next one that you don't wanna do is never initiating texts, phone calls or reaching out. This is a huge one that a lot of women mistake when they start leaning back. And it kind of goes along with a lot of the other ones, right? Where they're like, oh, go no contact, right? So you never reach out to him. If he likes me and I've heard women say this and I've actually read books. There's a book that I read not too long ago about leaning back. And the woman who was, who wrote the book actually said in there, never ever initiate contact with a man. And I'm just like over there pulling my hair out. Like what are you taught? What are you teaching these women, right? Cause it's like, I can't tell you how many times I get women that come to me and they're like, oh yeah, you know, he ghosted me and I'll have them reach out to the guy with a specific text message or something like the forward text message that I teach in the forever woman program. And she'll like reach out to him and then the guy will be like, oh, I thought you weren't interested. I thought you ghosted me or something like that, right? And so you want to initiate contact sometimes, right? High quality men want to build a relationship together with someone who's interested in them. Just like you want him to be into you, right? You want a guy who loves you and values you and cherishes you, guys want that as well. Guys want a woman who's into them. And so most guys, most high quality men, if they think that you're not into them, if they think that you only kind of like them or you don't like them at all or that he's chasing you or that he's gonna end up in the friend zone and that you guys aren't building this thing together, most high quality guys will walk away from that situation. So you have to kind of figure out what's going on there and make sure that you reach out sometimes, right? I have a ratio that I kind of talk about when I talk about leaning back and I cover this in detail in the forever woman program where I talk about, it's like a 80, 20 rule or a 70, 30 rule, right? So every one out of three times, like one out of three times, you should be reaching out back to him. In fact, you can do it, two out of, two out of, what is, two out of, like one out of three, two, one out of four, right? One out of three, one out of four. It should be somewhere around there. That's the ideal scenario up into commitment. But it's also one of those things where you can go up to 50% of the time, right? You can contact, as long as you're not the one who's chasing him, right? If you go above the point where you are reaching out to him more than he's reaching out to you, you'll end up getting yourself into problems. And so you don't ever want to get into that. And I talk about that in detail in other live streams if you wanna check those out, why you should never, ever chase them in. So initiating contact to most men means, never initiating contact to most men means that you're not really into them. So if you get what I'm talking about here, say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about, just go ahead and let me know what questions you have or what situations are going on for you. And I will answer any kind of question you have about anything. All right, so waiting days to respond to him, this is another mistake that you don't wanna make. A woman asked me one time, she contacted me and she's like, so Matt, I've been, he sent me a text message and it's been five days since he texted me, have I waited long enough to respond back to him? And I was like, why do you think that you should wait five or more days to respond back? And she said, well, I'm leaning back. And I'm like, ah, you know, like, that is awesome, not what you wanna do, right? You don't wanna wait a really long period of time. And a lot of times I get this from women all the time too, where they'll be like, I don't know why he stopped contacting me. And I messaged him back and I'm like, well, how long did it take? And it was like three days, four days, five days. You wanna respond back in like a normal amount of time. You wanna have a real conversation with these people. You don't wanna have like, you don't wanna play games. You don't want him to think that you're playing games. It doesn't work. Games don't work long-term, especially with quality men. If a quality man sees that you're playing games, he's gonna walk away from it. And if you like to date insecure men, which is the majority of men and women are insecure. If you like to date insecure men, it's just gonna end up in resentment. They're gonna be angry at each other and it's just gonna turn into a giant mess. And nobody likes that. So my suggestion is that you don't play games, don't wait too long to respond. The next one is making him doing all the work, making him do all the work and you don't do anything. So you want him to do most of the work like I talked about up into commitment at least, right? So you want him to be chasing you and doing all the work and proving to you that he's the right guy because that will make him fall in love. It'll make him stay interested in you. It'll make him value you more because men value things that they put effort into. And so you want him to be putting effort into you so that he values you more and he doesn't wanna let you go and he thinks that you're amazing and awesome. However, you also want to be doing things because if you're not, like I said before, a lot of these kind of mixed together but they're little nuances, right? They're little, little nuances. And think about it as like a skill, like riding a bike or driving a car. When you first drive a car, you're like, you know, like making these like really sudden moves or if you go watch somebody that this is really entertaining. If you go and watch somebody who's like learning how to drive a car, you can see them on the street. They're like, you know, just going back and forth and stuff because they don't understand the subtleties. They don't understand the nuance. They don't understand the little things that are going on. After, you know, you've been driving a car for a year so you're like, you know, driving with like your knee and you're like drinking a latte and like texting on your phone, right? And it's no problem. By the way, don't do that. That's really, really dangerous. But the point is, is that when you're first learning this or you just start kind of doing something different, a lot of times it's difficult to do. And so you want to make sure that you're learning about the nuances and what you should and shouldn't be doing here. And so the point is, is that most men want somebody, want to be with somebody who's building the relationship with them. They don't want to be doing all the work. And I get women sometimes that'll tell me, they're like, yeah, the guy said that I never initiate contact. And I'm like, well, do you? You know, and they're like, no, I'm leaning back. And it's like, well, that's not what leaning back is. Leaning back just means that you're giving him space to come towards you instead of smothering him and, you know, trying to do everything and trying to prove that you're the right guy and all those things that don't actually work. So the next mistake that a lot of women make is acting cold or uninterested. And so you don't want to act cold. And sometimes, especially if you haven't really learned how to communicate over text messages or through, you know, just your verbal communication or whatever, you might be acting cold or uninterested and you don't even know that you're doing that. And so sometimes it's good to like get involved in our community, right? Join our community, join the forever woman program, learn about the subtleties of how to text and what kind of communications to have and post your text messages in our community that way the women in there can look at it and tell you whether it looks good or bad or whatever, right? There was a woman today that posted in our community and it was these text messages and it was very, very clear if you look at it as an outsider that she was coming off as very, very cold and uninterested. But she might not realize that until she posts that in there and everybody's like, ah, you acted like you were totally not into him, right? And so why would he continue trying to pursue you if you're messaging him like that, right? And so you wanna learn the subtleties, the nuances, like I said before, showing no interest. Again, this is another one that we kind of talked a little bit about but what shows interest, right? What shows that you're into him? There's a whole bunch of different things that show a man that give him signals like, okay, she likes me too. I should continue moving forward here, especially in this day and age of all these kind of movements where men are kind of, you know, on guard right now and they're not sure whether they should be making moves or not be making moves. A lot of men, they're looking for signals that you're actually into them too. Otherwise they're pursuing somebody that may not be into them and then they're worried about getting harassment charges against them and all kinds of stuff. So you wanna make sure that he knows that you're into him. And so how do you show that, right? One is just by initiating contact by responding friendly to him, by talking to him and having conversations and investing to some degree. But like we'll talk about here in a minute, you don't wanna go overboard with any of that. So the next one is getting caught up, so caught up that you're supposed to be leaning back, that you don't calibrate yourself to the situation which might call for you to do something else. And so one of the things that I talk about a lot is that sometimes things happen, right? And like sometimes women will get caught up in this thing. They're like, oh, I'm supposed to be doing this rule. I've got this rule that I'm supposed to be leaning back. And you know, which means that I don't ever contact and I don't ever lean forward and I don't ever put in any effort in all this stuff, right? And then something happens and maybe a situation is called for where you need to kind of lean forward and do something and help out or something like that. But you're so caught up in not leaning forward that you don't end up doing it. And the guy thinks that you don't care about him or that you're really inconsiderate or something like that. And so it takes time, right? It takes interactions with people and specifically for you with men in order to learn the subtleties involved in all of this. And so you want, but you want to make sure that you are calibrating yourself, which basically means doing whatever you need to for the situation, assuming that generally speaking, he's moving forward and you're allowing him to move forward. And then the next one is being so busy and unavailable that no man can actually attain you. And so this is something that I call the attainability principle, where you want a man to feel like he can win you, like he can win you over, like there's a romantic relationship somewhere in his future with you. Otherwise, he probably won't pursue you unless he's one of the very small percentage of men who are incredibly aggressive. And those men probably aren't who you actually wanna date and be with. So if you want a man to come into your life, there needs to be space for him to be there. If not, he's most likely not gonna come in, he's gonna look at you and be like, oh, well, she doesn't really have time for me in her life. And I wanna have a relationship, I wanna be with somebody, I want somebody who has time for me in their life, which is something you should be looking for as well with a man. And if he doesn't, if he sees that you don't have that space there, then he might not be there, right? He might not get involved with you. And then the last one is just going to an extreme, right? And this is kind of, in my opinion, what this all revolves around is these extremes, right? One extreme is like being too cold and uninterested and ghosting and distant and not doing anything and leaning back so far that you fall out of your chair. And the other side of it is smothering a man and proving to him that you're right for him doing everything and planning all the dates and always reaching out and convincing him that you're gonna have amazing babies together and buying him lots of things while he's doing absolutely nothing. And so the magic is always in the middle. That is where you want to be. The magic is in the middle. All right, so if you have any questions, let me know what they are and I will get to them right now in the chat. And if you haven't checked out my program yet, you can get it for free. Go check out the foreverwomanformula.com. You can sign up. And if you decide that you want to stay a part of our community, there's a fee involved in that after a trial, but you'll get the program for free either way. And if you stay a part of the community, you can get coaching and all kinds of other things that are really, really great from some of the world's best coaches that we have. So hello, hello, hi. Lots of people saying hi, hi, hi from all over. Hello, hello, hello, you tall. Jetta Botswana. I mean, it's just so cool seeing women from everywhere. It's like everywhere in the world. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Where are you from? Lillian says, hello, Matthew. I really appreciate your advice. I'm from Orlando, Florida. Well, I'm glad you appreciate my advice. So thank you for being here. Thank you all of you for being here. Thank you. I mean, there are just so many people here. It's crazy. So thank you everyone for being here. Wow, South Africa, cool. This is a very good topic. Well, I'm glad you appreciate the topic. Priya says, these days, there isn't true love in this air. Well, there is true love in this air and you have to believe it, right? If you don't believe, if you believe that there isn't any true love out there, then you definitely won't find it. It's just saying and you will fight it even if it shows up. Hey, CJ, Sharon says Ben there gave him another chance and this is the last one he's getting. Well, sometimes you have to put your foot down. Priya says, men has to chase, women has to choose. Well, everybody's choosing, right? So he gets to choose which women he chases and you get to choose which men are the right men for you. And so he might stop chasing you and so that's basically him not choosing you anymore. And so both sides choose, right? It's not one side or the other chooses. You're both choosing and you both should be building the relationships together. Greetings from Canada. Well, greetings to you. Ellie says, what if the guy reaches out to you but either leaves your messages on red or won't open them for days? Do you even recommend double texting? I recommend that you start dating other people and don't worry about what he's doing, right? If he reaches out to you and then you respond, but first, I mean, first off, right? There's this thing that I call a text message that deserves a response, right? And I talk about this in my Irresistible Text Program. If you haven't checked that out, you can check it out. It's super cheap program and it's really, really good. There's a lot of great stuff in there. You can check it out. But the point is that when you send him a message you wanna make sure that it's a message that deserves a response, right? Sometimes I get women who will come to me and they're like, I sent him this message and he never responded to it. And I look at the message and it's like, thank you. Or it's like a sentence, right? Where there's no question involved in it. There's nothing that would make him want to respond, right? And guys, you have to remember that guys are different than women are, right? A lot of times women, they're just like, and some guys are like that too, right? There's a percentage, but most guys, especially in their masculine, aren't just like talkative with each other and talkative to whoever, right? They need a reason to respond. And so if you haven't asked him a question or sent some kind of message that makes it so that he needs to respond back to you, then it might be that he didn't see any reason to respond back to you. And maybe he felt like it might be chasing if he started doing that, right? You always wanna look at the other person and say, what could be going on with that person that made it so that he didn't end up responding back or he did whatever it is that he did. And in this case, it could be that he felt like it didn't make any sense for him to respond. The other one where he won't open a message for days, that's a little bit different. And that's just showing his lack of interest or his lack of care. And my suggestion is that you open yourself up and start doing what I talk about in the forever woman program, where I talk about, you know, putting yourself into a world of abundance so that you're not chasing some guy, you're not making it all about this one dude. So let's see. CB says, if a man disappears for a couple of months on two separate occasions, then returns like nothing happened and wants to resume the relationship, would you give him another chance or end the relationship? Well, it depends on you, right? Cause this is what you're starting to see here. And one of the things that I teach is look for patterns. And so this is a pattern and it's becoming a pattern and it'll probably continue being a pattern. And you wanna look at, is this something that's acceptable to you? Is this something that's okay for you? And this will probably continue for the rest of your life. And your question is, should I wanna put up with this behavior or not? If it was me, you know, I wouldn't if I were you. I mean, definitely not if you're looking for something serious. You know, is this a behavior that you want to deal with all the time? You don't know where he's going. He disappears for months at a time and then just shows up like, hey, ba-dee-ba-dee-ba-dee, you know, good to see you again, right? And you're like, where have you even been? You know, like what makes you think that I, my suggestion is that you move on and start dating other people and find somebody that's gonna be consistent with you who's going to value you enough to let you know what's going on and where he is and who he's with and what he's doing because he respects you and he wants to be with you and he cares about you. This guy's showing that, you know, he thinks that he can treat you like this and that you'll accept it. And the question is, are you gonna accept it or not? My suggestion is that you don't. Leah says, we're all desperate with how men acting. Well, I hope not, I hope not. I hope you're not desperate with how men are acting. Emma says, he makes an effort to stay in touch every day but has not made an effort to meet me after three months of online chat. Should I pull back? He is an introvert, but that isn't an excuse to slack, is it? So it depends, right? It depends on what's going on with him and all that kind of stuff. It depends on how he feels about you. It depends on what your relationship is to each other, right? Or you said you've been chatting online, right? Yeah, so you've been chatting online. Is it from like an online dating app or is it from like, you know, he started reaching out to you on Facebook or Instagram or one of the social media channels and then, you know, he's just been doing that for a really long time because it could matter what the frame is, right? If it's a dating site, if he came from a dating site and he's been messaging with you, here's what I recommend that you do. I recommend that you say, hey, you know, I'm really busy. I'd love to talk some more, but I'm busy and but I'd love to meet up with you if that's, you know, something that you're interested in. Let me know and, you know, we can schedule something and then just leave it at that. And if he tries to continue messaging with you, just say, hey, I don't have time to talk. I'd love to meet up with you and, you know, make some time for you to like hang out and chat. But if you just want to talk online, you know, I like, I don't have time for this, right? Because you're not, you don't want to end up being pen pals with somebody. You don't want to be, you know, online buddies. You don't want to get invested in somebody that's that you never end up meeting. And one of the important reasons for this, and I talk to women about this all the time, but it's cause women will sometimes get attached to these guys and you don't even know what he's like in real life. You might end up meeting him. And I hear this from a lot of women, they'll meet a guy that they thought was really great online. And then all of a sudden they're like, the attraction isn't there, the chemistry isn't there. They don't really like him that much. He's not the same as he was online, right? Cause if you're online, you have time to think about things, you have time to, you know, craft whatever it is that you're gonna say and all that kind of stuff. Whereas in person, it's like, hey, I'm talking to this person and I have to think of these things right now. I, you know, can't use some kind of thing that I, you know, purchased some dating advice that I purchased and you know, figuring out what I should be saying and all that kind of stuff. And instead they're having, you know, potentially real conversations and you can see their movements and you can look for red flags and you can feel your intuition with what's going on with him in person. And so my suggestion is that you don't get yourself into a three months of online chatting with anybody. And instead, you know, after you've had a little bit of conversation with somebody, just let them know that you'd love to meet up with them but that you don't wanna be pen pals and that you don't have time and that if they want to meet up with you that you'll make some time and you guys can, you know, go on a date or something and have a real conversation in person. Have a real conversation in person. Have a real conversation in person. Jessica says, what if he's depressed and feeling down so he backs off with the communication? That means that you back off too. And the question is we were going back to the same thing, right? Like, are you committed, right? There's two worlds that you can be in. One is the world of dating and the other world is the world of commitment. And everything up until commitment is just dating, right? So all of these things where you are exclusive, where you call each other boyfriend, girlfriend, where you're meeting each other's parents, where you're, you know, going on vacation together, where you're, you know, doing all this stuff, that's all dating until he looks at you and says, you're it, you're the only one I want, let's do this, right? And he verbally tells you and shows you with his actions that he wants to be with you and only you. Until he does that, you're in dating mode and you should be dating multiple people. You should be in abundance, at least date two or three people at a time and make sure that you're only getting with men. Don't attach yourself to any man, only get with men who are proving to you that they are the kind of man that wants to be in the type of relationship that you want to be in. And if that's not what's going on in your situation, I don't know anything about your situation, Jessica, so maybe you guys are committed. But if you are committed, then you should back off, absolutely, when he's feeling down if, because some people, they take things differently and generally speaking, this isn't true for all men and women, but generally speaking, men when they're having issues and they're having problems, they tend to go into their man cave, right? And need to deal things out by themselves. And women, they tend to wanna talk things out and have discussions and stuff like that. And you have to respect his way of connecting and communicating. Otherwise, he's gonna feel like you're smothering him and he's gonna need even more space and then he's gonna lose attraction for you. And so you wanna give him space if he asks for it. You wanna give him space if he needs it, right? If that, if his pattern is that he gets depressed and then he needs some space, you should give him that space when he gets depressed. And if you're not in a committed relationship, you should be seeing other people. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Facebook user says, hi from Germany, love your content? Well, I love that you're here with us anonymous Facebook users. So thanks for being here. Lots of people get it, I get it, I get it. Lots of people get in it, love that people are getting it. Thank you, all of you, people getting it. It's all you wonderful ladies. So Carol says, my guy said he's feeling damaged and not over-cheating from ex-wife, then a few months. I told him I'd like to make him happy. Do I reach out again? He said he did really like me. Well, Carol, here's the problem. Your guy says that he's feeling damaged and that he's not over-cheating from his ex-wife. That is going to continue until he deals with it. So until he heals himself and lets go and doesn't feel damaged anymore, that's going to be a problem in whatever interactions that you have with him. Again, if you're not committed, which it sounds like you're not, you say my guy, it doesn't sound like he's your guy. My suggestion is that you continue dating other people until you find somebody that one is willing to deal with their problems, because here's the problem, right? Here's the problem, Carol, is that if he has a bunch of issues that he hasn't dealt with and he brings those issues into your interaction together, he's going to continue to have those issues, probably indefinitely, unless he finds another reason why he needs to heal those issues. And so a lot of times, women are the reason why guys will heal themselves and figure themselves out and let go, right? And it might be that he needs time. If he's involved in personal development work, which I hope he is, the likelihood is that he's probably not because most people, men and women aren't. But if he is, then he can heal that pretty quickly if he goes through kind of personal development work and heals himself and works on that. If he's not, it could take years, right? Or if he's in therapy, therapy usually takes years as well. In my personal opinion, a lot of personal development work out there can heal somebody in a couple of hours where sometimes therapy can take years instead of hours to do it. And so my suggestion is that you continue dating other people and that if he's gonna stay in this damaged state, that you decide that you're not going to allow his baggage to weigh you down, right? You don't want his cuts, because he's cut, right? He's hurt. His ex-wife cheated on him and he's in pain from that. And so he's gonna end up bleeding on you, right? He's gonna start taking it out on you. He's gonna put up a wall around himself around you and then you're gonna end up getting hurt because of being around him, because he's not gonna treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. And so it'll just end up in this vicious cycle and then at some point, he's either gonna decide that he can't treat you the way that you wanna be treated or you're gonna decide that you deserve something better than how you're being treated and you're gonna go your separate ways, but then you're gonna have baggage and cuts and wounds from being with him. And so my suggestion is that you be very, very careful about who you end up getting into a relationship with because if he is hurt and he's not willing to deal with that, it can be a major, major problem down the line. Angie says, I enjoy listening to your advice. Luckily, I did psychology, so I agree with all of your advice. Well, I'm glad that your psychology agrees with all my advice, Angie. She says, I was married 45 years, widow for two years now, but life goes on, a new relationship developing, but I am controlled. Well, I wish you the best of luck, Angie, with your new relationship and I hope that it's everything that you hope and dream and wish that it is. And create and create, create for yourself. Do, do, do. Jillian says, I thought women were complicated, men are just as bad. Yeah. I mean, when it comes to relationships, there's, there can be a lot of complicated things going on. So you have to, you have to remember that. You have to remember that people can be complicated, right? People have things going on with themselves and there's stuff going on. And sometimes it's not as simple as do this, do that, you know, have these rules and all that kind of stuff. And so you wanna, you wanna be smart. You wanna be smart, all right. Do the ninja thing, like what's going on people? All right, so he, Daisy says, he dumped me. I've reached out a few times. He wrote back saying we need to heal and take time. He also said not in the best headspace at the moment. To me asking to meet in private before seeing our mutual friends, does this mean it is completely over? We have not seen each other. I feel it's all miscommunication. We were committed for over a year. Well, Ms. Daisy, my suggestion is that you assume whether it is or not, there's no way that I can tell you based on what you said, whether it's completely over or not. It sounds like he needs some time and space away from you. And so my suggestion is that you give him some time and space away from you and you heal yourself and you build yourself back up. You get yourself back to a space of wholeness and confidence and security. And then when you're in that space, when you're coming from that space, my suggestion is that you open yourself back up to abundance. And the only way that you let him back into your life is if he earns it. That's my suggestion. That's my suggestion. That is my suggestion. You want him to earn it with you. Otherwise, he'll just take you for granted. I'm gonna come out with a hit song. Hit song about relationships by Matt Coast. You don't want this man to take you for granted. All right, that's ridiculous. That's ridiculous. I realize that. CJ says so many things run through a person's mind when you are leaning back, but not all men want space when you want to give them space. They think you're not interested at all or think you're ignoring them. Yeah, that's a very good point, CJ. And that's one of the reasons why there's something that I call the communication blueprint. I really only teach this in my seminars that I have. And so if you wanna learn about it, you can always go and join my seminars. I'm doing seminars now at least once or twice a month where it's virtual. We're just doing virtual seminars for right now. If you're part of my email list, you'll get an email. I think we just sent out our first email today about the seminar that's coming up in another week and a half. And then, but yeah, you wanna find out what's going on with him. What is his communication blueprint, right? What's normal communication for him? Cause everybody's different. Everybody's different. And that's why it's so important to understand what's going on with them, right? There's like these things out there about how to figure out what's going on with a guy. And it's like, one of the best things that you can do is communicate with him and communicate with him in a way that he understands and have him communicate back with you in a way that you understand so that you get what's going on and what his idea of being in a relationship looks like. Otherwise, you're just creating all kinds of problems. You could be creating all kinds of problems with each other. Leslie says, I think I'm doing everything wrong. Well, Leslie, let me tell you something. Now is the best time to stop doing everything wrong and start doing everything right. So this is the time. This is the time. Now is the time. When is now a good time for you to stop doing everything wrong and start doing everything right, Leslie? When is now a good time? All right, so Sally says cultural differences between people has a great effect on a relationship. It can. Yeah, absolutely, it can. Mel says, hi, Matt from Melbourne. Well, hello, hello there, Mel from Melbourne. Leaning back when you're consumed with wanting him and desiring him, it's one of the hardest things to do. Like trying to act cool in a heat wave. I try to come from abundance. Well, you wanna have other things going on in your life as well, right? There's multiple forms of abundance. It's not just abundance of men. There's also abundance of connection, right? Getting your connection and your feelings, right? Abundance of love. There's an abundance of feeling important and significant. There's an abundance of, you know, feeling strong and confident and certain in your life. And you wanna have abundance in all of those areas because the more abundance you have with those things, the less dependent you are on the man. And then the less dependent you are on the man, the less you're like, oh my God, I gotta make this work. Oh my God, I wanna make this work. I'm so bad right now, right? And you can get into a better mindset and you can just kind of let go and you still want him, right? You still want him there, but you're not attached to what's going on with him and what's happening with him. The other thing that you really need to do is do some healing work, right? Heal whatever past wounds you have, you know, change the way that you see things that are going on in relationships and with yourself and all that kind of stuff. That way you're coming from a really healthy and strong and powerful space. Clow says, what do you do when a guy is persistently leaning back and then back in, ask you out, then say to friends and leans back, then starts flirting again and admits to be confused? Well, Clow, this is something that we call hot and cold, right? And there's only one way that a man will act hot and cold with you. And it's if you let him. That is the only way that a guy will act hot and cold. And usually most women that I talk to, they say, they'll say something like, you know, I want to move away or I want to stop dating him or I want to date somebody else, but he won't let me go, right? That's usually the phrase. He won't let me go. And it's like, you have control here, right? You have all the control here, right? He's confused, he's hot and cold. He wants to stay friends. He starts flirting again. He's back and forth in and out, right? He's doing all these things that are a huge massive red flags waving in front of your face, right? He's like, he's got this bucket of red flags and he's throwing, he's just taking the red flags and just throwing them up in the air and the flags are just way, you know, just coming down like this and you're like, yay, come to me, my great man, right? And what you should be doing is going, hey, man, when you get it together, right? Like, if you're confused, right, that's okay, right? If you want to be hot and cold, that's okay. If you want to, you know, just be friends and then start flirting with me, that's okay, but I'm not going to, you're not going to be a part of my life doing that, right? You are the gatekeeper. You are the gatekeeper. You decide who is in your life and who isn't in your life. And if you allow a man to do those things to you, you're going to get the results of allowing a man to do those things to you, which is pain, it's abuse, it's neglect, it's feeling taken for granted, it's, you know, being walked all over, right? It's having no control of your life, right? That is the result of allowing a man to do those things to you. And so you need to decide today that you are worth more than that, that you are, that you're more valuable than being taken for granted, than being a maybe and I'm a confused and I don't know what's going on, should I do this, should I not do this? And if you want a real game plan on what you should be doing in these kinds of situations, my suggestion is that you go and check out the devotion switch. It's a program that I have, it's all about if you're in situations where a man's confused, where a man just wants a friend with benefits situation with you and you want something real with a man. My suggestion is that you pick up a copy of my program commitmentconnection.com forward slash devotion, it's a great program and you will learn exactly what to do in a situation like this to put up boundaries, right? Put up boundaries and let him know that if he doesn't get it together that you're gonna walk away and to stop putting up with low class behavior, right? This right here, Clow, is low class behavior and you should not be putting up with that. Anonymous Facebook user says, what's the middle I need help? Well, this is one side and this is one side and the middle is right here, right? So one side is smothering a man and doing everything and jumping all over him and the other side is doing nothing and showing no interest and ignoring him or ghosting him, right? And the magic is in the middle here and the middle depends on him and it depends on you, right? You have different needs than other women have and he has different needs than other men have and you have to have a communication and figure it out. Some of it you're just gonna figure out naturally, right? You're just gonna see what's going on. You're gonna see his patterns. You're gonna see what he does. You're gonna see how often he likes to communicate with you. Another one is finding out what he wants and what he likes and what's normal behavior for him. And the way that you do that is to ask him questions about what's going on with him and what is normal for him in a relationship and what makes him feel loved, right? Those are things that you need to find out from him in order to find out where that space in the middle needs to be. Carol says, after a few days, I asked him if he was still alive and nothing. Well, that gives you your answer, Carol. It gives you your answer, gives you your answer. So you need to, if you're not familiar with what you should do after that, you should go back through the Forever Woman program because I go over specifically in detail what to do if you send a message like that to a guy and nothing happens. I talk about that in detail in the texting video of the Forever Woman program. Denmark, South Dakota, Vancouver. Magdalene says, how do you make him trust you again after a mess you created? Well, it depends on how bad the mess is, right? Trust is created through difficult times, right? Trust is created through telling the truth and how much he trusts you depends on him. It's not just you, right? You can't just force him to trust you. You're like, if I press this button and I press that button and I mold him like this, he'll just start trusting me all of a sudden, right? It doesn't work like that, right? He is now in pain if you did something to betray his trust and you're gonna have to earn that trust back. That's how it works. You betray his trust, you have to earn it back. That's how it works. And depending on how bad it was and what other issues he has in his mind, right? If he's got like mommy issues around trust and he has a story of abandonment and all that kind of stuff, then it could be very, very difficult for him to start trusting you the way that you want him to trust you. However, if he doesn't, then you might be able to earn it back pretty well, but you have to do things that show him that you deserve his trust, right? And the more that you do things that break his trust, the worse it's gonna get and the less likely he will ever trust you again. And so it's difficult. You have to show a man that you are trustworthy in difficult situations, right? It's easy to be trustworthy in really easy situations. It's difficult to be trustworthy in difficult situations, but that's what really creates trust is those difficult situations where you do things that show that you're trustworthy. So Sandy says, what do you, what do you if he texts daily for three months and now he's stressed about work and didn't text for five days? He gave no explanation. You lean back and give him space, right? Stop smothering him. Stop worrying about whether he's texting you all the time or not. So this is what happened, right? This is one of the reasons why I'm not a big fan of, everyday texting, the good morning, good night texts, which can be good sometimes, but my suggestion is you don't do it all the time because it sets a precedent and all of a sudden you're like, oh my God, what should I do, right? You give him space. You give him space, right? And the other question which I ask everybody is, are you dating or are you committed? If you're dating, you should be seeing other people. If you're committed, then you should just give him space. And if you're not committed and you're this attached to him, that can be a big, big problem. You don't want to commit yourself to a man who's not committed to you. So make sure that you're both committed to each other. You're both committed to each other. What you want, what you want, what you got. Elizabeth said, how can women initiate contact while leaning back? Or what are things we can do to show we're interested while leaning back? Just send him a message, just ask him a question, just initiate contact. That's all initiating contact is. Yeah, I mean, you don't even have to send anything special, right? It's funny because I get women that get offended by guys who they'll reach out and be like, hi, right? And I have women sometimes, they'll be like, he just sent me a hi. What does that mean? What does he want from me? Well, he wants to connect, right? That's a connection message. And that's all you have to do is you have to just send out a message and just be like, hey, how are you doing? What's going on? Just connect with them. That's it. That's all you have to do to show them interest, right? And that's what you do. And like I said, it's not about leaning back doesn't mean that you never initiate contact. It just means that you try to initiate it less than him so that you don't get yourself into trouble. But going through that other extreme where you're never initiating, that's gonna get you in trouble too. Because what's gonna happen for in most situations is that he's gonna think that you don't really like him that much, right? Why don't you ever reach out to him, right? You can reach out to him. It's not a problem. It's like a lot of women think that it's like a technique, right? Like leaning back is this technique that I do during these certain situations. It's more of a lifestyle, right? It's more of a lifestyle component where you're creating space for him to move forward and be there with you. And the mistake, the misconception is thinking that it's this thing that you do, right? During this period of time. Well, I'm leaning back right now so I can't contact him. No, you're leaning back all the time. And if he's been moving forward, if he's been initiating contact, if he's been doing things to show you that he's into you, then you can do that sometimes as well. You just don't wanna be doing it the majority of the time, not because you're trying to play a game or something like that, but because if you're doing it all the time, you're gonna miss out when something weird goes on, right? When something happens, when he stops being into you or something else weird goes on and you won't notice it because you're leaning forward all the time. And so leaning back doesn't mean you never initiate contact or anything like that. It just means that you give him space and you allow him to lead the relationship and to be the man and to pursue you and do all those things. But you can reach out to him, especially if he's been pursuing you, right? If he's been pursuing you and he's got movement forward and you're in kind of this thing that I call a whirlwind, right? You're in a whirlwind courtship where you're just like loving on each other and it's just so great. And you guys think that you're both just so awesome. You can do all kinds of things. You can contact him. You can initiate contact. You can set up a date. You can drive to him. You can do all these things because he's been doing those things with you to a higher degree. But if he hasn't been doing those things with you to a higher degree, don't do any of those things, right? Lean back and give him space and allow him to start doing those things because it shows you. Shows you what his interest level is. But at the same time, what you do shows him what your interest level is as well. I hope that answers your question, Elizabeth, because that's very on point. So thanks for asking a really great question. Facebook user says so funny, I guess men are the same everywhere. Yeah, I mean, there's certain cultural elements that are different everywhere, but most of the stuff that I talk about is human biology, right? Human psychology, things that don't change that aren't different anywhere you go. Priya says, I follow your advice. Actually, it works, dear. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Glad that it's been working for you. Glad that it's working for you. Good evening. Hello. The faces of Jeep Fodge says, I, Natasha, oh, hey, Natasha, have made many of these mistakes in the past and grateful for your page. I'm taking this time to learn new, healthy, proactive ways to connect with me. I'm also working in myself. Well, good. Good, good, good. Hello, hello from Holland, from Denver. Deanna says, hi, Matt, work from upstate New York. I've been with this guy for nine months, took your advice, and it's working awesome. Just keep doing it. Keep using it there, Deanna. Joanna says, I've been chatting to this guy and met on a dating site. Chatting with those guys on dating sites. Celeste says, why is that they feel they have to chase when I am equally as interested? They really didn't win anything if it was in my mind in the first place. Well, it's funny that you say that, right? Because guys, some things they pick up on and some things they don't, right? He wants to feel like he won you over because he's a man and that's his primal brain going, I wanna go after this and win it and get it, right? And he wants to feel that way and he's gonna feel that way regardless of how interested you are in him as long as he can move forward and pursue and chase you, right? That's the male mind, that's the biological mind going after what it wants. It's the masculine in him moving forward and achieving and getting and all that kind of stuff, which, you know, if you're in your feminine a lot, it's probably very, very foreign to you why guys do this. It's probably very foreign to you. Deanna says, but how do I know how far to pull back? I just went over that. Just went over that Deanna. Dating after 40, help. Well, you know what? I talk lots about what you should do, especially in my forever woman program. So definitely go and check that out, get that because that is the basis for everything that you should be doing. Go check that out there, Floyd Pepper. Floyd Pepper. Madame Ladybug, Madame Gunslinger. Is that like a video game avatar or something? Hey Matt, just wanted to say thank you for the advice. It really helped me. Well, you are absolutely welcome. Katie says, we appreciate all your YouTube videos and posts. Well, I'm glad you do. Mayummy says, I love watching and listening to your advices, Matt, although I'm single, but good to learn. I mean, a lot of this is for women that are single and wanting to get into a relationship. Natasha says, I have been telling all my friends about your awesome page and great advice. Well, thank you so much for doing that. I really appreciate that. I really appreciate you telling all your friends about what's going on over here. Get them great advice. All right, so thank you so much for being here. I gotta get going here. But if you haven't checked it out yet, go check out the forever woman formula at theforeverwomanformula.com. And I will speak with you again soon. And thank you again for being here because you're awesome. And always remember that you are worth it. You're worth it. Remember that you're worth it. Always believe and feel that you're worth it.