 The Anderson family. Okay, Mary. If this McGuire won't sell us any more eggs, I'll buy some hens and get our own eggs. But, Oliver, it's not worth it. It is to me. I'll take every customer away from that McGuire. Giving me the bum's rush on eggs. You know nothing about eggs, Oliver. I know. All you have to do is feed the hen and wait. There's your egg. Nothing to it. I just won't have a lot of hens running around my yard. Too late now. I've already bought 25 hens. Uh-oh. Here we go again, folks. Now let's visit the Anderson's. Well, this whole thing started when Oliver tried to buy a dozen eggs from a neighbor, Mr. McGuire, who has been selling eggs in the neighborhood. Mary Anderson happened to be out of eggs, so Oliver went to the McGuire home to get some. Uh, nice-looking group of chickens you have there, McGuire. You mean a flock, don't you? Well, I suppose that's the term they use in the egg industry. Yes, yes, and you didn't come over to compliment me on my eggs. No, no, I didn't. I came over to make a purchase. We ran out of eggs, so I thought I'd buy a dozen from you. Yeah, now ain't that just dandy. I offered you eggs a month ago, and you thought I was too high. Yeah, now that there ain't any eggs, you'll do business with me. Well, you will admit you were off a few cents. Yeah, I might have been. But I ain't gonna apologize to you for how I run my business. You know, the best thing you can do is to run on. Well, not you. And you just try someplace else if you can find any. Oh, okay, McGuire. If you'll that way about it, I'll buy my own hens. And I'll sell the extra eggs around this neighborhood at five cents a dozen lower than you. Touch, touch, tittle, you don't scare me none. You don't know nothing about chickens in the first place. No eggs neither. So you just get off my property and leave me alone. I'll be glad to, but this is gonna be an egg battle to the end, McGuire. Go on, beat it, beat it, and don't never let me catch you on my property again. Yeah, sure, your head will look more like an omelet than it do now. Not only did he insult me, but he refused to sell me any eggs, Mary. Maybe he doesn't have any, Oliver. That's neither here nor there. He's got hens. And you get eggs from hens. It's just the way nature works. Can you improve on nature? Well, no. But I can operate the same way with hens like he has there. But you know nothing about chickens, Oliver. You don't have to know anything about hens. You just feed them and water them and the hens do the rest. Sometimes hens don't lay for a couple of months, Pop, when they're molting. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll get some that don't molt. Now, look, Oliver, I know very little about chickens, but I know they don't lay an egg every day. My hens will. Your hens? Pop, did you get some already? I did. Just that, my boy, some Rhode Island reds from a fella out in the country. He'll deliver them this afternoon. Oh, no, not that. Why didn't you wait, Oliver? What, and have someone else beat me to the hens, not me? Hey, that's the kind of hens Mr. McGuire has, Pop. Rhode Island reds. Yeah, but his have that tired look. I bet he beats them every day for that extra egg. Well, I don't know what gets into you, Oliver. A few hens won't be worth the trouble. A few? What are you... I bought 25. 25? Why, Oliver, we can't use that many eggs. Of course not. I'll sell a couple dozen a day. I see. So we put a sign out in front. Fresh eggs from contented hens. I won't have any time to try to sell them, Pop. Sell them? What people will be calling on us who haven't spoken to us for months? That's what eggs will do for you today. I see. But suppose you explain to me how you expect to save money by having our own hens. That's simple, Mary. Simple. You feed a hen about two cents worth of feed. You get an egg worth five or six cents. A hen lays an egg every day? These hens will. How do you know? Well, a fellow sold them to me, said they'd been resting for two months. And now they're ready for production. So you thought now would be the time to buy? Of course. I don't want them resting on my time. Well, it's no job, Mom, to fix up the garage. Mr. Meister and I can fix up a coop in no time. Of course you can, and you can feed them in five minutes. Yeah, but sometimes I don't get back from my paper route to Lake Pop. Well, go out and wake them up. If they're hungry, they'll eat. Look, Oliver, if you're bound you're going to have the hens. You have to take care of them properly. Uh, how do you mean, Mom? Uh, your mother means a hen is like a slot machine. You put in feed, wait around a while, you get an egg in return. Like a slot machine, huh? Sure. Only have more chance with a hen. I see. But in the meantime, what about work? See the time? Time. Oh, yeah. I can't retire on 25 hens. Now, suppose you tell me just what quarters you thought of using for the chickens. Oh, yeah, well, just get Homer over to Health Junior and have him fix up the garage. Put in a few roosts in about 25 nests. 25 nests? Well, certainly there's 25 hens. They're entitled to a little privacy, aren't they? Oh, all right. I'm afraid you've been a little hasty on this deal, Oliver. Hasty? Don't be silly. McGuire's worried already, and the hens haven't even arrived. Have the farmer put them in the garage, and if you're not here, have Homer put them in. Well, what about feed? I'll order some. I don't worry about that. Now, take care of everything. I have to run. Now, you know what Oliver wants done with the garage, Homer? Yep, yep, yep. Oh, it looks to me like he's going to an awful lot of trouble just for a few hens. Well, the more I think of it, the more I feel that having our own eggs may be worth it. Oh, but, Dagnabbit, Mary, hens don't lay when they're molten. Now, you take guinea hens. With them, there ain't no molten. What's that, Homer? This, uh, molting business. Well, you don't know? Well, look, Mary, I'll tell you. Now, you take that cat of yours, Abigail. Oh, boy, there's a name for a cat of her, but I heard one. And I heard one, and it was Abigail. Oh, me. Well, now, in the summertime, that cat of yours, she sheds a fur, don't she? Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, chickens are the same way. They have what they call their molten season. Well, they have to grow new feathers, and it takes so much of the food for that. Well, they just don't lay any eggs. That's all. Oh, Homer. Well, that's why Mr. McGuire's hens look like half their feathers are gone. Yep, you're right, Junior. Yep, yep. Well, all of us says these hens have rested, so maybe they've grown their new feathers. And here's another thing. You don't need no 25 nests for 25 hens? I think Pop has a reason for that, Mr. Meister. Well, I don't know. I'm just getting paid for working, not thinking, so I guess a biddy get at it. Well, now I'm going on to the store. If the man brings the chickens home, I just put them in the garage so they can't get out. Well, that's where you're smart, Mary. The neighbors don't like the way this McGuire lets his chickens run through everybody's garden. He just don't keep them in. We will, Homer. So take care of everything, and you hurry home from your papers, Junior. Okay, Mom. Well, I guess a biddy get started on this koopie. Oliver said the fella live room this afternoon. You know, Mr. Meister, I often wonder why does Pop always do everything the hard way? Oh, there, Mrs. Thompson. How are you today? Well, I have never felt more depressed in my life. It's too bad. What does the boss think about it? If you mean Mr. Thompson, I think he's vitally interested. He's feeling very low. Oh, something to eat. Quite the contrary. It's something he didn't eat. He must have fresh eggs every day, and our egg man has stopped bringing them. Oh, eggs, huh? Well, don't worry. Your egg problem has been solved. How lovely. I don't understand, Anderson. We were up against the same thing, so I bought some hens. And any time you need a few dozen, just let me know. Really? Why, Oliver Anderson, how I've misjudged you. You mean you don't want the eggs? Oh, no. Of course not. I'll take all the eggs you can get. Oh, well, I have to split some of them up among the neighbors. Well, just so Philbert gets six a day. Six a day? That's easy. Well, it may be easy for you, but how about the hens? Oh, well, they won't mind. They have nothing else to do with the eggs except leave them in the nest. Now, when can I expect the eggs? Soon as I get home, I'll call Mary later today and see how production is. Aren't you rushing things a bit? Oh, no. These hens have been resting for two months. Well, let's hope they don't continue to rest. Don't worry. They don't have any unemployment checks coming in. I'll call you from home this evening, and you and Philbert can drop by and pick up a dozen or so. You mean eggs? Either eggs or a good five-pound stew and hen. Hens come yet? I'm sure I don't get it to go. Oh, where's Junior? He's out with his papers. Oh, well, maybe Homer took care of everything, huh? Oh, that phone again. I'll get it. Sit down someplace. Well, hurry up. Yes, Mary Anderson. Oh, hello, June. Two dozen. Oh, you mean eggs. Well, we don't have any eggs. Oh, that. Well, the chickens haven't had a chance to lay any yet. Tell her we'll put her on the list. Well, June, I'll call you when we have some. Well, now I don't see why Joe should be so upset about it. Well, just let him wait. Yes, goodbye. Now, you see? See the way things go, Mary? Yes, I know how things go. You meet Joe and promise him eggs and can't deliver. Now, June's ribbing me. Well, let her wait or turn. Why do you tell people that you'll have eggs for them? You'll have to have 500 eggs to fill your egg orders. No, I didn't say for sure. You know, Oliver, getting 25 hens is all right, but you always go overboard. Oh, no, I don't. There'll be plenty of eggs. I'll bet we can go out there right now and pick up 15. Come on, I'll show you. Well, Homer built the coop right. We should start right off with at least a dozen. Oh, don't be an optimist, darling. Hmm, I don't hear any enthusiasm in there. Generally, hens make quite a racket. Well, maybe it's strange to them. Could be. Well, let's open the door quietly now so we don't scare them off the nest. All right. Now, just a minute. Let's have less noise around the eggory here. Just get home, dear. Yeah, let's see the hens. Okay, but keep quiet. Hmm, I don't see any of them. There aren't any in the nest, Pop. Oliver, what happened? Where are the hens? Oh, I bet I know, Pop. You know what? You see that hole in the wall where they can go in and out? Homer forgot to close it. Oh, I see. A fine thing. Homer never does do anything right. Next time I have any work for someone to do for free, I'll call somebody else. Now, what are we going to do, Oliver? Do? I will round them up. That's what we'll do. Come on, Junior. You go over to Meister's yard and look, and I'll go out here in the alley. And, Mary, you stay here and lock the door after we drive them in. I'll just worry about how to get them back in. Now, you walk along the fence on that side, and don't scare them. I'll cut through the fence here and get them back up. Now, and don't scare them. Come, chick, chick, chick, chick. Come on, chicky. Nice. Chick, chick, chick, chick, chick. Get around and back up them, Junior. They're going in McGuire's gate, Pop. Don't hit them off. You get them all mixed up with his. Get out of there, first. I'll get them out. Now, you stay here. Chick, chick, chick, chick, come on. Come on and home, chick. Come on, come on, come on. Out of my yard or I'll flash to one. Well, you've got some of my chickens in here. Oh, I have, huh? It's a new one. Stealing chickens in daylight still. I think that you might do it at night, but... They're my chickens, McGuire, and I want them. I want my hen. You don't scare me, McGuire. You call anyone you like. But, brother, I'm getting those hens. Now back to the Anderson family. Well, Oliver has bought 25 hens in order to have his own eggs, but when he found hens in the alley back of his house, he couldn't keep them from running in a neighbor's yard. When he tried to retrieve them, the neighbor threatened to shoot Oliver for stealing chickens. Right now, Oliver is talking to Mary and Junior while Homer Meister, the next door neighbor, sits around looking at the ceiling. McGuire thinks he's going to keep my chickens. He's mistaken. He probably thinks they're his own hens, Oliver. That doesn't make any difference what he thinks. Homer? Huh? What? Tonight, later, when I will go over to McGuire's house and you carry that old shotgun of yours just to convince him we mean business. Oh, well, now look here, Oliver. I ain't getting mixed up in no shooting. Now you don't shoot. You're just scaring him. Well, what I can't understand is how McGuire got them out of the crate when they're still in it. What's that? Still in the crate? Oh, you must be mistaken, Homer. Oh, no. No, I ain't. No, I ain't. The fellow delivered them to the house and I didn't have the coop ready, so I'll put the whole crate of them in my garage. Oh, wait a minute. The chickens are in your garage? Yep, yep, yep. That's right. I ain't got the fence up yet, so I'm keeping them locked up to get it done. Well, gee whiz, Pop, those weren't our chickens then. Oh, this is a fine time to tell us about the hens, Homer. Well, you never asked me, did you? Dag-nav-it anyhow. Martha yelling at me on one side and you folks driving me to finish that coop on the other? Me or Maya. I don't know where I'd be half the time. Well, this is a fine thing. No wonder those hens went in McGuire's yard. Oliver, you'll have to straighten this out with McGuire. Yeah, well, I'll send a note over by junior. If you can find somebody else to take it, Pop, it'll be all right with me. Oh, scared, huh? Well, we'll fix it somehow. Now, Homer, look, would it be asking too much to get those hens over here and in the garage? Well, Oliver, it's kind of dark. I guess we could put them on the roost. Roost? Put them in the nest. Maybe they'll lay an egg before morning. They've been resting all day. Oh, kiddo-key. I'll go get them. Oliver will help you tuck the men, Homer. Yeah, they can stand some tucking in. They ain't got many feathers. Looks like it'll all stand a sweater of peace. A sweater of peace. I'll show that guy. That McGuire. He can't charge me two prices for eggs. How much did the hens cost, dear? Uh, cost? Well, the fellow let me have him for two dollars a piece. How much would they have been with feathers, Pop? With feathers? Now, look, Junior, this isn't funny. I should say it isn't. We start off with $50 expended and still no eggs. Well, they haven't had a chance yet, have they? I wonder who this could be. Tell them no eggs til noon tomorrow. Oh, Mr. Riley. Uh, come in, Chief. Thanks, Mrs. Anderson. Oh, hi, Chief. Come on in. Sit down. Uh, Anderson, I, uh... I gotta do something I hate worse than anything. Huh? I gotta take you in. Take him in? Are you serious, Chief? Well, maybe it's for selling eggs without a license. Maybe the black market has complained already or something. No, no, I, uh, I got a warrant here for you, Oliver. And I got my duty to do. Warrant? Gee, what's wrong? Junior, run on out. Yeah, go on. Go on now, dear. Come on, Gee, Mom, I never get in on... Okay, Chief, is this a gag? If it is, it isn't funny. No, it's no gag, Oliver, so help me. No, here's a warrant all signed and regular. Charges, uh, stealing chickens and daylight. McGuire. Oh, that phony did call the police, huh? I, I gotta take you down. That's my job. You'll, uh, you'll get a fair trial. We've, uh, had a dozen calls and chicken thieves this week. We have to make an example of someone. Ex... No, wait a minute. I didn't steal any chickens. It was all a mistake. Did you or did you not go into his chicken yard and try to entice in beagle coax and otherwise try to persuade his hens to follow you to your yard? I didn't for... Look, here's... Did you or didn't you? Well, uh, yes, I, I was in his yard, but it was a mistake. I'm sorry, Anderson, get your coat. Wait, you can't keep Oliver in jail over a charge like that. Well, I don't want to. You, you call your lawyer. He might be able to get him back on the street till his trial comes up. Gee, jail burning. Oh, now, don't you worry, darling. I'll call our attorney right away. Well, look, don't call Spencer. Well, I still owe him a small bill. He'd be happy to see me stay in. Oh, all right, Oliver. I'll have Mr. Jensen come down. And don't worry now, darling. I'm not. See? I'm smiling. Are they all on the roosts, Homer? Yep, yep. The shore maiden racket. Oh, boy, them hens as well. So am I, Homer. If Jensen doesn't get Oliver out of that jail, I don't know what I'll do. You know, that fellow McGuire should be in there himself. Dirty gypsy. Name-calling won't help, Homer. Not a bit. Oh, gosh, my flashlight went out. Oh, and there's no bulb in the garage either. Well, well, let's get out and lock up then, and the hens will be all right till morning, and I'll feed them till Oliver gets back. Stand right where you are in there. Huh? Who is it? Hey, what's this? I heard my hens are squawking, and I got you red-handed. Now look here, McGuire. Hey, take that flashlight out in my face. And get out of here. You've done enough damage already. I figured you'd try to steal them at night, but what gets me is how you got them out without me seeing you. These aren't your hens. Oh, they ain't. Just look at them. Rhode Island Reds, feathers half gone. Don't you lie to me, you chicken-stealer squire. Hey, put down that shotgun, McGuire. I'm holding you both right here, both of you. In one move, buddy, and I'll pull this trigger. I've had enough of this, Mr. McGuire. Those hens are not yours. Oh, still trying to bluff it out, eh? Hey, have your hens got any bands on their eggs? No, no, they ain't. And these ain't neither. Oh, yes, they have. Number two. Look ahead. Ah! Well, that don't prove nothing at all. You could have put them on. Yeah? Well, it so happens them numbers is listed, and the owner's a farmer out of town. Hey, you missed this? The boat this time, McGuire? Dag-nabbit? Well, well, well, no. Maybe you're right. I'm sure sorry I busted in like this. It's too late, Mr. McGuire. The minute I get in the house, I'm swearing out a warrant for your arrest. Yeah, yeah, me too, Dag-nabbit. You're threatening to shoot us. No, no, no, wait, wait. You were so anxious to swear out a warrant for Oliver. No, let's see how the big Mr. McGuire takes it. Now you stay right in the house, Junior, and wait for Mother. I'm going down and swear out a warrant for Mr. McGuire. Is Pop coming home with you? Everything goes all right, he will. Okay, Mom, go ahead. I'll stay around. I won't be gone long, honey. Is your father home? Oh, hello, Mrs. Thompson. No, he isn't home. Won't you come in? Thank you. Where is your father? Uh, he's in jail. That's nice. What? What? In jail? Oliver Anderson in jail? Yeah, they came and got him this evening. How utterly unbelievable he is employed by my husband. I suppose now I'll not get my six eggs a day, he promised me. It's going to be a problem, Mrs. Thompson. Well, we'll see if it is. I told Philbert he would have six eggs a day, and he'll get them. Will you, um, will you sell me six of the hens? Well, uh, yeah, I know Pop would be glad to. But if you want six eggs a day, you better take 12 of them. 12? Oh, my goodness, does it take two hens to lay one egg? Gee, I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't get that until the ninth grade. Well, uh, do you think you could, uh, catch them for me? I, uh, guess so if you'd help me. Oh, you're a very nice boy, Junior. And with your father in jail, you must be good to your mother. Oh, Mom will have him out, maybe tonight. But I wonder if he'll be able to find something to do after this escapade. Gee, Mrs. Thompson, you mean Mr. Thompson will fire him again? You're too young to understand, my boy. Let's get the chickens and I'll take them home in my car. Mr. Thompson will take it up further with your father. Okay, McGuire, in you go, and I don't want any more back talk. I demand to see my lawyer. I'm just doing my duty, McGuire. Just make yourself comfortable in the bullpen till he comes. You'll, you'll have company. And let's have a quiet now. Mr. McGuire. Anderson, look here. You, you, you get me out of here. I ain't done nothing. Ha, neither have I, but I'm in. You know darn well I didn't try to steal any of your chickens. Yes, I know it now, but it's too late. Oh, it is, huh? What are you in for? Well, your wife swore out a warrant for me. She did? Yeah. Good. Huh, what were the charges? She claims I threatened to shoot her. I was only bluffing. I got her told you you can't bluff Mary. Well, look Anderson, can you get her to squash that warrant? Do that and I'll squash yours. Oh, oh, oh, don't think so. I can only get 30 days for chicken stealing. But for attempted bodily harm it's at least two years. Oh, oh, it'll stand the way it is, my boy. Anderson, can't you do this for me? It ain't fair. You thought it was fair to drag me down here. Oh, come on now. Let's be honest about this. Well, I'll do it only if you apologize publicly. So my boss knows I didn't steal any chickens. I have never heard of anything like this in my life. Fine, fine, fine, boys. Quiet, ladies present. Take your hands off me. I don't need any help. You'll hear for my husband for this. Mrs. Thompson. Gee, what did you do? I'll steal and chicken. Oh! No. How could you, Mrs. Thompson? You know very well, Oliver Anderson. I wouldn't steal chickens. Well, the officer said he heard the chickens. Stopped your car, and there they were. With all the chicken thieves operating around here. Now, wait, Chief. Maybe I can help out here a bit. I just know if Filbert hears of this, he won't get me that box of nylons. Include me in on this, too, will you? We've got to work something out. Well, okay, okay. Talk fast if it sounds good. Well, who knows? Okay, now wait. First, Maguire retracts his warrant. That I'll do. That I'll do. Right now, Chief. And I'll withdraw our warrant against Maguire. Now, what about you, Mrs. Thompson? What's your story? Well, I went to your house, bought 12 chickens, and was taking them home when I was stopped and brought here to this place. Uh, you, you bought them from the Anderson's? I most certainly did. Well, then, what do you think, Chief? Uh, well, I think this whole thing is unnecessary. And as long as no one's going to prosecute, I... I guess I'll just have to make out some papers and let you all out. Well, that's the first pleasant word I've heard for an hour. Well, okay, then, uh, we'll see what can be done. And let's have no more trouble over there. Oh, give me a few more cards. What? You drew one, and I have four cards left. My hand had a pair of deuces. Look, Chief, look, look, Chief, if that's Mary, tell her I'll be right home after this next hand. Oh, no, you don't. Not when you're $2 ahead. Well, can I help her to buy a win occasionally? She, if that's my old lady, tell her I'm willing happy for once. Well, don't, don't deal the cards the way I answer this. All right, hold the cards. Chief O'Reilly speaking. This is Menderson come home for just a few minutes. Well, uh, what should Oliver be coming home for? Tell her I'll be home in an hour. Uh, wh-what's wrong at home? One of them laid an egg. My hands laid an egg? Deal me out, deal me out. Tell Mary not to go near the garage. I'll be right home. Don't touch a thing till I get there. The Anderson family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Lytton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herbert Rawlinson as Homer. Others in the cast were Doug Young and Jacqueline DeWitt. Music by Gordon Kibbe, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production, transcribed from Hollywood.