 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Don Besson and his orchestra. The orchestra opens the program with OK Cooks from the pictures he had mentioned. I've seen Buck Lee's 42nd Street, Great White Way of the Nation. We turn south at 5th Avenue and approach the most celebrated library in the world. The New York Public Library, famous from coast to coast for two stone lions, which God is porting. On our right, the famous stone lion... Oh! The lion's moving! He's walking! He's running! The sight of a century of stone lion is running down to Avenue! Don't stop him! You can't stop me, lady! I'm going after some Jell-O! You know the new Jell-O now tastes twice as good as ever before! Yes, sir. Who wouldn't run after the new Jell-O? Taste it yourself and you'll be crazy about that richer, full-bodied fruit flavor. A flavor as refreshing as the juicy ripe fruit itself. That extra-rich goodness is put into Jell-O by a brand-new exclusive process. A process which actually blends the fruit flavor into the tiny crystals holds it there for you to enjoy. Try the new Jell-O and discover for yourself that it now tastes twice as good as ever before. And remember, only Jell-O gives you this new, extra-rich flavor. Ladies and gentlemen, as it is impossible for me to offer you a cigar, cigarette or a drink, I can still offer you Jack Benny! Thank you! Thank you! H-E-L-L-O! This is Jack Benny, your local correspondent, coming to you with the late news reports from all over the world. These all knows all, but still bets on the wrong horse. Mary, bring me those hot items. Okay, boss. Here they are, first local news. New York, New York. New Streamline train arrives here from California in 56 hours, breaking all records. New Yorkers now wearing Streamline underwear to get to work faster. Hey, first one gotta laugh, Tokyo, Japan. Tokyo, American baseball players including Babe Ruth arrive here and play Japanese teams. The battery for Japan was Dizzy Osaki and Daffy Matiyama. In left field was Hackey Wilson and on second Saki was Frankie Fricky. All good Japs. In the opening game, Ruth made a homer and Japs named the town after him. It is called Yokohomer. Isn't that clever? New Orleans, Louisiana. Senator Huey Long organizes football teams. He says he doesn't care how good they play, as long as they protect his right eye at Banquet. New York City, November 9th. John Bester, famous Orkster leader, holds winning ticket on Irish Sweet State and leaves for Ireland in the morning. November 10th. Bester finds out of the cigar coupon and cancels his trip to Ireland. Dublin, Ireland, November 5th. Frank Parker, tenor singer, arrives here to live in Irish Free State. November 6th. Parker finds out if not free and returns to America. Say something Frank. It's a lie. November 11th. Parker denies statement and will hear from me immediately after this program. Says you. Says me. Election news. Sacramento, California. What's Jack's referring about? That's the name of the town in California. Sacramento. Merriam, re-elected governor of California. Array for Merriam. Is that Merriam Hopkins? No. I was just on the center of wire. Now for our sporting section. Los Angeles, California. Fight news. Max Baer is here training for five real pictures. When interviewed, said he is in shape for four reels. And if he outpoints Myrna Loy, will be ready to meet Garbo. New York. More fight news. Jack Dempsey, champion of champions, is in training here to open restaurants. He is in great shape, feeling fine and rare and to cook. Ah, what other program gives you this hot fight news? It's not even this program. Quiet. More football news. Scores of yesterday's game. Colgate 20 to Lane 6. Leland Samford 24, Shirley Temple 5. AT&T 110, General Electric 19. Liberty 1776. Yellow 6. Six watts. Delicious flavors. Ah, what a game. More football news. Sing Sing wins again. Jones half-back run 60 yards for touchdown. Said if he had run that fast on another occasion, he wouldn't be with his present team. Ah, some more news. Hot from Hollywood. And cold from Lane here. Hollywood, California. It is rumored that Joan Crawford is blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab. No. Yes, it is also rumored that Gloria Swanson will not blab, blab, blab, blab, blab. No. Yes, and our Hollywood correspondent tells us that Kay Francis was seen blab, blab, blab, blab, blab, blab. Well, Jack, what are you talking about? Nobody can understand you. Well, that's the idea. Nobody can understand me. Nobody can sue me. Play, Don. I know what I'm doing. Advertisers keep warm all winter, played by Don Vesser and his Gellonian. Say, Don, every time I introduce one of your numbers, I always give your orchestra another name. I mean, what do you call your boys, anyway? What do you mean, Jack? Well, for instance, there's Waring, Pennsylvanians, you know, Lombardos, Royal Canadians, Limans, Californians. Haven't you got a name for your orchestra? No, Jack. I've been trying to get a name. But you see, one of my boys, that fellow with a mustache over there comes from London. And that first violinist with the beard, well, he comes from Russia. Oh, the fellow with the beard. What's his name? George Bernard Ginsburg. And there is a resemblance. And then that cornet player with a van dyke comes from Belgium. And that fellow playing the French horn comes from Paris. Oh, you mean the fellow with the goatee? Yes. We have a goatee down at our house without any nose. How does it smell? What's the difference as long as he's healthy? Mary, please. What's his name down, the fellow with the goatee? Is it Orchivalle? Is it Orchivalle? I bet somewhere hidden in this orchestra is Yasha Bunchuk O'Toole. I know him. Well, anyway, Jack, I don't know what to call my orchestra. Why don't you give him a shave and call him Bester's disgusted Yankee? Thanks, Jack, but I'll leave well enough alone. And now that we have named Bester's orchestra, we will continue with our policy of bringing you another outstanding artist. We intended to have the four Marx brothers here tonight. Raucho, Chico, Harpo, and... What's the fourth one? Jello. Yes, yes. But the... That was Wilson, folks. There was no doubt about that. But the Marx brothers were unable to get here. And here's a wire I just received from Harpo. It says, Dear Jack. And he further states... So, you see for yourself, folks, they meant well. But we are not unprepared, for we have with us this evening that great Shakespearean actor, a man who, if all the applause he has received in his day were put end to end, you could still hear a pin drop. I now take extreme pleasure in presenting the outstanding exponent of Shakespearean acting, Mr. J. Barrett Wimpole. Say something, Mr. Wimpole. Say something? Of course. I shall say something, just I'll think I am an actor, but... I don't know, but we'll soon find out. Unlike thee, I am a Tragedian, a student of Shakespeare, and already known Thespian. Mary, what's a Thespian? A fellow that rides a horse. Don't bother me. Now, tell me, Hamlet, what's the last thing you played in? Ten nights in a bar room. Ten nights in a bar room. That's a pretty long run these days. Do you know a Shakespeare's Mary Wives of Windsor? I am an actor, not a gigolo. Oh, I'm sorry. Why, I've played in every Hamlet from Maine to California. I have played Richard III, Henry VIII, and Louis XIV. Hmm, all one night stands. Well, I was an actor, too. See, I played New Haven the Six, Hartford the Seventh, and Bridgeport the Eight. Isn't that good? I think you're the Tragedian. Is that so? Ah, thou kiddest me. Well, Jack, look how mangy his fur coat is. Mangy? When thou art as old as this coat, thou wilt also be mangy. Lay down, McDuck. Now, tell me, Macbeth, that coat that thou wearest is its fur minkest? Nay, skunketh. Well, it's looketh. Evidently, thou art much in need of money. Yay and bellily. Hast thou any? Nay and positively. Say, mister, what does yay and belly mean? What's the difference, long as thou art healthy? Get your own coat. That one's yours. Well, Groucho, our time is limited. Would you mind giving us a sample of the key? Gladly. Oh, what is thy place? Anything at all, something in the manner of John Bettymore. Beremore, shades of Richard Mansfield, Joseph Jefferson, and... Ah, by the sailor. What has Beremore got that I haven't got? A haircut. I've got that one in. That's very good, Duke. Go ahead. I will play one of you in a scene from Romeo and Juliet. Ah, Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Romeo, those are Juliet's lines. She said that. Trust me, but I've been laying off so long I forgot who said it. Well, all right, then play the part of Romeo. I shall. Ah, Juliet, I am here beneath thy balcony. Dust thou not see me. Dust thou not see me. Plenty of dust to see in you. Go ahead. Ah, Juliet, thou art more beautiful than ever. Do you hear me? Hey, my eyes are like cantors. Thy nose is like gerundes. Thy ears are like tenors. And her teeth are like pearls. That about covers all of radio, I think. You can go now. Well, I'll go, but I shall return. Mark me and mark me well. I will. And now, Frank Park Anthony, our Shakespearean tenor, will sing Water Under the Breeze. Oh, wait a minute, Jack, can I say just a word about jello? Not right now, Don. Oh, I just want to mention the six delicious flavors. No, after Frank saw them, not right now. Can't I just say that its fresh fruit flavor is twice as good as ever before? Be careful, Don. I'll have to mark you and mark you well. Sing, Frank. That was Frank Parker singing Water Under the Breeze. And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our feature reflections... Oh, yes. Here's the first fan letter we received on the jello series. Five weeks and fan mail already. Well, let's see. How are we doing? Open it, Mary. It's from Yokohoma. Yokohoma? Well, I didn't know our program reaches all the way out there. Let's see it. That's Oklahoma, Mary. Give it to me. It's from a lady. She says, Dear Jack Benny and the six delicious flavors. She means raspberry, strawberry, cherry, orange... No, Don. Don. She means Parker, Wilson, Bester, Livingston and Benny. Anyway, it says, Dear Jack Benny, I have been listening to your new series of broadcasts and also received a photograph of you last week. After looking at your picture, I think you could easily play the part of Charlie Chan. Charlie Chan. Well, he's a Chinaman, isn't he, Mary? She knows it. So I will be listening in next Sunday night and hope you will not disappoint me. What a silly request me play at Chinaman. You can do it, Jack. Why, you don't even need a makeup. My pal. All right. I will play the part of a Chinaman to show you I can do it. Ladies and gentlemen, immediately after the next number, we will present to you the outstanding mystery of the season, which we will call Charlie Chan in Radio City. Play, Don. That was Chinatown My Chinatown played by Don Bester and his Chow Maniac. And now for our Studio Murder Mystery, or Charlie Chan in Radio City. On with the play, Curtain Music, Don. Gee, how groomed the studio looks tonight. I'm afraid something's going to happen. What strange characters in the studio. He needs a creep. I'm going to get out of here. Turn on those lights. Mary, there's nothing to worry about. Now, be calm. What was that? Someone has been shot in the studio between the microphone and Bester's officer. What a place to be shot. Good heavens, it's Don Wilson. Don Wilson, that's too bad. Gee, he was a swell fella. And how he could do the karaoke, ha-cha-cha-cha. Nobody leaves the studio. Mary, call up Charlie Chan. He's the only one who can solve this mystery. Okay, I'll call him at once. Operators, give me y'all the name. Oom-toy-dow-fui. Hello? Officer Darryl, Charlie? A man has been murdered in our studio. Come right over. Quickly. What do you got here, quick? Charlie Chan, the parasol man. Come in. Excuse me for me to bring humble body in your studio. The feet on mat, and don't dirty the joints. Excuse, please, to ask what happened here tonight. Our announcer was shot, and we want justice. Begging thousand pardons. You get justice, good announcer, anyplace. As my honorable ancestor would say, Dead men tell no tales, and gather no mores. Stick to detective work, Charlie, and solve this mystery. All right, nobody leaves. Park honorable bodies and chairs. Seaboo play. This is an outrage. No, this mystery. Begging thousand pardons, what is your name? Don Bester, I'm the orchestra leader. Honorable stick looks suspicious. What you use him for? Why, I leave the orchestra with this stick. Ah, but if orchestra don't show up, what you do with stick? I didn't kill him, I tell you. I didn't kill him. With million apologies, I put handcuffs on your honorable wrists. Gee, but he's nice. Excuse, please, what you do here? Well, I'm one of the comedians on this program. With humble apologies, that's what you think. All right then, all right. I'm one of the tennis singers on this program. Hmm, I hate to ask charming tenor, but did you kill men on floor? I should say not. I'm a lady killer. With 6,803 apologies, you are a chump? I'm a what? Chump, chump. With 112 apologies, I don't get that. Chump, chump, what do you do when you leap over a mud puddle? I fall in. Excuse, please. Gotta get back in character. Excuse, please. I think I look around room. Hmm, I find guns still smoking. Gee, and there's a no smoking sign here, too. Who this gun belongs to? It's not mine. Nor mine either. I don't own it. Ah, somebody honorable liar. But I keep it. I look around some more. Hmm, package. What is an honorable package? That's my laundry. I take him to good job bringing back fly dates. I thought you were a detective. And me washy, too. Ah, I hear noise. Somebody an honorable closet. You will oblige me to come out. Come out, please. Jahemi! Who is in closet? Ah, Juliet. I am here beneath thy balcony. Just enough to see me. Ah, Lumpung Hamlet. Did you kill honorable Wilson? The nay, a thousand times nay. Excuse, please. What you do in closet? I hung up my fur coat and forgot to get out of it. That's glued. That's glued. Close closet door, please. As my honorable ancestor would say, birds in closet worth two on this program. Charlie Cahn, you are uncanny. You don't look so good, either. Oh, this is silly. Can't you find out who killed Don Wilson? Maybe it was suicide. No, no suicide. He liked himself too much. Don Wilson always buy honorable drinks for Don Wilson. Well, you'll never commit suicide, either. Likewise. Now, honorable young lady. Excuse, please. For two questions I would like and you for me to answer. I killed him didn't, so ask me no. Go ahead. How well did you well, Wilson? I mean, how well, Wilson, you know the... Pardon my rotten accent. Somebody knock on honorable door. Quiet, please. I see who it is. How do you do, stranger? Your name, please? Min-Toy Schleppermann. Min-Toy Schleppermann. Where are you from? From Shanghai, Spain. Hello, Schlepp. Hello, Liddy. With 956,000 pardons, 423. What are you doing here? I'm going to help you solve the mystery with 15 apologies. Three hits and no errors. Tell me, are you a Chinaman too? What else? As my honorable ancestor would say, when in Rome, do as Romans do. As my honorable ancestor would say, no matter where you are, eat top chicken livers. And as Lou Holtz would say, you sat it, my friend. Are you the detective telephone? Excuse, please. Tan is the name. Tan. Well, don't you learn me? I'm your brother, tomato. With plenty of apologies for that joke. Hey, Charlie, you're going to find out who killed Wilkin, but you're going to pull another old hair on it. Excuse, please, I find out right away. One more question. What did honorable Wilkin do in spare time? He had inventions of six delicious flavors, raspberry, strawberry, cherry or... Wait, wait, I have ideas. Where do you keep plans for honorable inventions? An honorable piece of paper and honorable inside coat pocket. One please with one apology. That's all I got left. I searched honorable pocket for honorable paper on honorable Wilson. He is not here. He has disappeared. Excuse, please. Honorable Wilson not here. He gone, flag coop. Good heaven. Where's Wilson? Yes, where is he? Don't worry, folks. I'm up here in heaven, but I still say that jello has that extra-rich fruit flavor and tastes twice as good as ever before. And as my honorable ancestor would say, hey, Don. You know how delicious fresh raspberries or strawberries smell. You know the intriguing fragrance of rich ripe cherries. You've enjoyed the tart tang of fresh lemons and limes and the juicy ripeness of golden oranges. Well, that's just what the new jello brings you, a flavor as delicious, a fragrance as delightful as the fresh ripe fruit itself. You sniff it the minute you open the package and sniff it again when you dissolve the apples in warm water. And when you've chilled your jello to beautiful, slivering firmness, when you've taken your first exciting taste, then you know that jello tastes twice as good as ever before. It's extra-rich, twice as delicious, but you'll find this new extra-rich fruit flavor only in jello. So look for the big red letters on the box and be sure you get the genuine jello. This concludes our fifth program in the new jello series, and although we didn't find out who killed Wilson, Jack Benny is a pretty good guess. However, Wilson will be back with us next week as he has more than one life to give to our product. Come on, Mary, let's go. Yes, Jack. As my honorable ancestor would say, I'm hungry and I'd like a family. And as my answer would say, I'll see you later. Good night, folks. This is the National Broadcasting Company. WJZ, New York.