 If you're somebody like me who struggles with trust issues and it hurts your ability to make friends then you're definitely going to want to listen to this story about how Carly Steele gave me some excellent advice. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about mental health and what I like to do typically is pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you how to improve your mental and emotional well-being. So if you're into that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And real quick, real quick, Carly and I we have a collab up and we miscommunicated a little bit on the timing of it yesterday so you might not have been notified about the video. But I actually taught Carly three very simple mindfulness meditation tips. So make sure you go check that video out, it will be linked up in the info card and at the end screen and all that kind of stuff. Go check it out because I know how many of you say that you can't meditate or you want to meditate but you don't know how and all that stuff. These are three very, very simple ways to start meditating and strengthen that prefrontal cortex baby. But anyways, let's jump into this topic. So this is a little bit of a story time. Before I get started, I asked Carly, I texted her yesterday, I'm like, hey girl, I've been thinking about some of the advice you gave me when we were having a talk, would you care if I made a video about it? And she's like, do your thing boo. I'm like, all right, cool. So yeah, a couple weeks ago I was in Los Angeles and Carly happened to be out there but I went out there and I did collabs with people like Thomas Halbert, Psych IRL, Illymation, Swoop, some others. So yeah, I was out there and Carly was one of them too and Carly and I, we've been friends for a little while and that was the first time we got to hang out in person and whatever. But anyways, I want to talk about trust issues and making friends. So I was having this conversation with Carly and I want to give you some context and some backstory because I think this is an important topic that a lot of us struggle with, okay? So as some of you know, I'm the son of an alcoholic mom. I struggled with abandonment issues, trust issues from a very young age. Like, if you can't trust your own mom, who can you trust, right? But anyways, as I grew older, like, you know, I had friends who were like family to me because my mom was drunk in California while I was in Las Vegas, my dad worked a lot. So I had friends who were like family. But as time went on and I started making friends and all these other things, like, here's the thing that a lot of us don't realize is that all of our relationships are absolutely screwed. And this is why I try to teach people to be better parents and all that kind of stuff. Because, you know, like I can look back and like, what were my examples? What were my examples of healthy romantic relationships? What were my examples of healthy friendships? You know what I mean? And like what the examples were in my life weren't all that healthy. And I have learned behaviors with what my friendships were. But a lot of my friendships were revolved around this kind of give and take, give and take, give and take, give and take, right? But not only was that unhealthy, but, you know, I hung around with not so great characters and then I would be shocked that they would hurt me or, you know, do something like to break my trust or whatever it was. And I'm huge into accountability and personal responsibility. It's something I started to realize, especially when I started working on my mental health was I am choosing the wrong people to hang out with. You know what I mean? Like that's my issue. Now, when I, you know, started working on my mental health, like I know I preached to you guys all the time about finding a support group, you know, getting in the Facebook group or getting in the Discord server, all these other things. And I have a support group. I have a solid support group that is very small, very concise because I still have massive trust issues when it comes to people, just massive, massive trust issues. And I decided to limit my friend group, you know what I mean? And I don't rely on that many people, especially because, you know, I found that many people are unreliable. Hell, I can be unreliable, you know what I mean? So I've limited it, very, very, very small. Like, you know, it's my beautiful girlfriend Tristan. I have my friends who I got sober with in that sober living house over six and a half years ago. Three of us, well, four of us, were all still best friends and we could turn and talk to each other. You know, I have my mom who is now sober and she's part of my support group. And I do have some amazing people, you know, in the YouTube community who are part of my support group, Carly Steele being one of them. But I'm going to mention some others in a minute. So anyways, I've lived for years with a very, very small friend group. Like even at work, even at work, I kind of kept to myself and all these other things. Like, I, you know, this is something that you might struggle with too. Like I'm afraid to build relationships with people because people can be messed up, man. People can be messed up. So like as a way to prevent myself from getting hurt, I've built these walls up, right? And being in California, meeting all these other awesome creators, like I mentioned, like Donna and Thomas and Swoop and, you know, Illy and all these other things, there was one night of that trip where, you know, I didn't really have anything going on. Carly didn't have anything going on. I'm like, what's up girl? You want to hang out, record another video or something? And she's like, yeah, sure. So I drove all the way out to where they were. I booked my hotel on the wrong side of town. So I went to go hang out with Carly and her friends and we were hanging out, we recorded a video and then we just like, I was just hanging out and talking to Carly. And we were just talking about stuff, right? Human people stuff, not necessarily YouTuber stuff, but it was kind of YouTuber stuff. And I mentioned this in a video the other day about the plus minus equals and like I have to learn from people who have been through things before. And it's actually funny. I'll talk about that in a second how that's kind of bit me in the butt. But anyways, I was asking Carly, you know, but I was telling Carly about my trust issues and stuff and how I'm scared. I'm like, Carly, girl, I am scared like to make friends like, you know, you and I are friends. I'm making friends with other creators and I am absolutely terrified, right? I am terrified because the more people I let in, that's the more opportunities for people to hurt me, right? And as my channel is growing, you know, obviously I have people like reaching out to me. They want to do guest videos and stuff. And a lot of you know I do a ton of guest videos. I'm actually going to be hanging out with Carly and Illy and Matt, my co-host and my buddy Aaron from For the Love Attack. We're all going to Playlist Live in Florida. It's going to be a great time. And anyways, like I'm telling Carly like it's crazy like making friends with these creators too. And you know, you always got to like wonder about people's motives or people using me. And like here's the thing, I learned a long time ago, like I don't care if people quote unquote use me. Like I just like helping people, right? So if I host small creators on this channel, and by the way, all the small creators I've worked with, phenomenal. So I'm not talking crap about any of them. But I have gotten messages from other people who I haven't let do guest videos because they're just trying to get, you know, the clout or whatever it is like that. But I'm telling Carly too, like I worry about my friendships too, especially with somebody like Carly, right? Like I guarantee, I guarantee there's going to be a comment down below talking about how like I'm using Carly for like clout or views or whatever. And I'm asking Carly about this. And basically the advice Carly gave me and shared some of her experience with me is like, it's going to happen. That's it. It's going to happen. And it was just like, I'm like, oh my God, because that's acceptance. Like that is acceptance right there. And when you just accept that it's going to happen and you quit future tripping and worrying about things that haven't happened, things get easier. Like Carly was sharing with me about how people have screwed her over in the past and stuff like that. And it's just like, you deal with it as it comes and you move on. Like that's all you can do. And there's this balance. There's this balance of like, you know, like trusting people and then just like your willingness to like move through it and overcome it. Because I always teach people at the end of the day, you know, no matter how well you get, no matter how much you work on your mental health, life is still going to slap you in the face. People are still going to screw you over. These are things. These are inevitable. Like this is a promise that I can make you. Bad crap is going to happen. But Carly talked to me about just accepting it and just doing your own thing. I'm like, dang Carly, that's legit, right? But it's something that I'm honestly struggling with right now and it's something that I'm working through, you know? And this is something that I want all of you to think about in your life too. Like, are you blocking people off? Are you putting walls up? Are you doing this to prevent yourself from being hurt? Because as we know, as we know, one of the biggest causes of depression is our lack of connection with others and isolation. And here's the thing. I've had a lot of people in my life who only kept me around for advice, right? They only kept me around to get advice. Like before I did this YouTube channel, I was just the guy everybody turned to for advice. I had friends who never talked to me, never wanted to hang out or anything like that, but they would just hit me up when they wanted advice because they were having relationship problems or problems with their family or their job or whatever. And I'm like, what the heck? You know what I mean? And it's just like you deal with those things as they come. But now I'm dealing with it in the YouTube community and it's something that I'm going to move through. Like I have in every other situation. And this is nowhere near as bad of what I've dealt with in the past. Like if any of you have had a sales job, like I used to years and years ago, there's so much backstabbing and talking behind people's back and I ain't got time for that stuff. But anyways, I'm moving through that right now. Like it's funny because I was talking to my therapist. I have a better help therapist for everybody who thinks it's a scam. Like I have a real licensed therapist through better help as many people do. Anyways, that's besides the point. Like I ask her questions and advice and opinion and all these other things and she's like, why? She's like, why do you ask me that? And like we had a conversation about validation and everything. And I told her like I was taught when I first started working on my mental health, like I can't always trust this thing. I cannot trust this thing right here. So I have to turn to other people for advice, right? Like I have to ask them and say, what do you think? What do you think about this situation? Like, you know, and this is advice to all of you too. Like ask other people. If you think that you're acting crazy, like ask somebody else. Bounce that opinion off of them, right? And now it's kind of biting me in the butt. Like, but I have to overcome that and all of us need to. So I'm going to let you know the bad but then we're going to get into the solution. Just growing on YouTube, like I try to make friendships. I try to, you know, build bonds with people and all sorts of things. And like, it is just bananas. And I'm fighting every day to just like, not put those walls back up. But yeah, there's legitimate people, like, and this isn't to be vague or anything, just out of respect for other creators. I'm not going to put them on blast. But this is like real stuff. And some of you might deal with it at a new job or whatever. But I've had conversations and friendships or what I thought was friendships with a lot of people and just talked to them and things like that. And like, I've had people turn on me in this community and it's like crazy. Like it is nuts. And I'm like, oh my God, and I've been to Tristan about it. I've been to my support group about it. I'm like, what is even happening? And people can just switch like that. And my old abandonment issues and trust issues, just they just want to come up and say, see, Chris told us to don't make friends, don't have friends, don't do it. And the thing that I worry about as well, because we know what's going on in the community and like the backlash towards me, by the way, I have a great video coming out later today about that. You're going to want to stay tuned for it. But like something I have to worry about is like these new friends that I'm making, are they going to completely neglect everything that they know about me? Everything they know about me through conversations, phone calls, DMs and everything like that. Because they're going to see one video and say, you know what? Maybe Chris is kind of a piece of crap, right? That's something that I have to worry about today. And that's crazy to me. It's absolutely crazy to me. But you know what? It's going to happen. It's absolutely going to happen. And what would I tell all of you? What would I tell all of you in that situation? Right? And here's what I would tell you. Like if that happens to you, chances are they weren't that good of a friend to begin with. You know what I mean? I've had people tell me, like as I grow on YouTube, like Chris, I know you're a friendly guy and like to talk to people, but be careful. Be careful. We live in a community where people are trying to expose everybody and be careful what you say in DMs, because people might use it against you, all these other things. And I'm just sitting here all like happy, go lucky. Like, no, man, I'm just making friends and dah, dah, dah. And I'm sitting here. I'm just like, oh my god, is somebody going to turn against me and try to take something and just like make me seem like, you know, whatever? Because as I've been struggling, with some of the backlash I've been getting and stuff, I reach out to people. I reach out to people in the community and those of them who have been in the community for a while, it's definitely, like this has all happened for me in a year. The 100,000 happened in a year, right? Happened like that, right? And I turn to these people and I ask them questions and stuff like that. Some of them, you know, like even though we have conversations, they don't get back to me or whatever. And then I'm just like, oh my god, like what are they going to use these DMs for? You know what I mean? But anyways, let's get into the solution. I know for a fact that building relationships with people is one way to combat my own depression, one way to combat my own anxiety. That is a fact, right? And I always teach people to widen their net and that's what I'm trying to do too. I'm trying to have more and more and more and more people in my support group, especially in the YouTube community, because I need other creators who have gone through it. So like I was telling you guys, like it's going to happen, right? But I've met such amazing people who I can turn to at any time, you know, as long as they're awake and talk to them. And I have to remember that. Like Carly is definitely one of those people who I can talk to, you know, we talk through texts and stuff like that. We get to hang out this week. My co-host Matt, phenomenal, you know what I mean? Ryan from Crimson Studios, like he's been there for me. I've been able to talk to Donna from Psych-I-R-L since I left. Thomas, been able to talk to him. Swoop and I talk, you know. Illy and I talk, can't wait to see her. And, you know, Kay from the channel Bipolar Pug, like she's been, she's an OG. She's been with me like since the beginning. We both started out on YouTube trying to make little mental health channels and all that. And I'm forgetting a ton of people. Repzilla, Repzilla and I, you know, like he's a great friend and stuff like that. And I just, you know, I just got to hope that, you know, I know them. They know me. And, you know, we're, you know, I'm still gonna have that support. But if not, if not, like through all this stuff, I've had, you know, my friends and family members and like, it's crazy. I made a video a long time ago about people caring about me. It makes me uncomfortable. Like the amount of DMs and text messages and calls I get just saying, hey, are you okay? Are you okay? Hey, I saw, I saw somebody saying some stuff on Twitter. Are you okay? Like I'm like, oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine. You know what I mean? But it's, it's a reminder that I have to remember that I have made some amazing friends. And I want all of you to remember that too. You have people who love and care about you. Yeah, some people are going to screw you over. Yeah, people are going to stab you in the back. Yeah, all that stuff's going to happen. But again, just remember, like those weren't friends that you wanted in your life in the first place. You know what I mean? But find out who those good people are like. The last thing I'll say is when I got sober, when I got sober, a lot of friends disappeared, right? Now that I'm not the guy who was buying them drinks, now that I'm not the guy who was buying them drugs, all those things like these people just disappeared. I teach that to my clients at the treatment center. Like it's just like, listen, when you get sober, you're going to lose a lot of friends, like just so you know. And it's nothing I haven't been through before. It is absolutely nothing I haven't been through before. Right? So all we can do is learn from these things, keep moving forward. And at the end of the day, the strong relationships that we build with amazing people like Carly or whoever you have in your support group, some of you have made amazing friendships in the Discord server and the Facebook group. Like those are far greater than our fear of being hurt by people. And I hope that makes sense. All right, but anyways, again, thank you Carly for dropping some truth on me about acceptance. Don't forget to go check out our video where I taught her some mindfulness meditation and I have another guest video or collaboration that we recorded together that I might post while I'm at Playlist Live or maybe I'll post it tomorrow. I don't know. I'll post it sometime. All right. But anyways, let me know your thoughts and opinions and experience down below. Do you have trust issues? Is it hard for you to build relationships because you're worried about people hurting you or back stabbing you or whatever it is? Like let me know down in the comments below. But let me know what you're doing to fight that voice in your head that is telling you to put those walls up. All right. But anyways, that's all I got for this video. If you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. If you're new, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. And a huge, huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on Patreon. You are all amazing. And by the way, everybody over on Patreon, I just put up an exclusive video yesterday. So make sure you go check it out. All right. Thanks again so much for watching. I'll see you next time.