 I'm the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man, and I'm here to read the funnies to you happy boys and honey. Yes, boys and girls, it's Comic Weekly time. And here I come right into your house to bring a little fun and happiness. Right out of the pages of Puck the Comic Weekly, straight into your living room, your friend, the Comic Weekly Man, the Jolly Comic Weekly Man. Hello, little Miss Honey. Hey, where were you? Where was I when? The night, the big night. Well, there I was, sitting on a white picket fence, third cloud from the left. In midnight past, you're waiting and waiting. And no little Miss Honey. Oh, you mean Halloween? Yes, Halloween. Oh, I had a... Yes, but where were you? There I was, waiting and waiting, third cloud from the left, goblins whizzing by from the north, witches from the west, e-dunkles hooping it up from the east. What's the e-dunkle? And the oik-yawkes coming in from the south. Oik-yawkes? Oh, you want to watch out for the oik-yawkes. What's the oik-yawkes? Just the opposite from a e-dunkle. Well, what's the e-dunkle? Like I said, just the opposite from an oik-yawke. Oh, Jimmy, how am I going to find out if you just keep saying the opposite from the opposite side? Well, next Halloween, you'll look, and you'll find out providing you meet me on the picket fence, third cloud from the left, on midnight past. You're fooling me. Why, I wouldn't try to fool you. Puck the Comic Weekly. Yes. All right, very well, I'll read that in just a moment. But before I do, let's listen to this nice man. Now, here we go with Puck the Comic Weekly. And on the first page, under bringing up father, Beatle Bailey. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady. Tweet me a toot and tweet me a tweedle. Squeeze out music for Bailey the Beatle. Today, out at the army camp, where Beatle is stationed, the sergeant has put Beatle to work digging a foxhole, which, of course, is a hole in the ground where a soldier can hide when the bullets go whizzing by overhead. This, of course, is just a practice day for Beatle. He's almost finished digging his foxhole. Yeah, a few more strokes, and I can sit down on my foxhole and sleep. A couple of seconds later, a digging machine squeaks to a stop near by. The foreman of the crew says to the operator, all right, we have the road stacked out. You can start your digging now. OK, Mac, here we go. And the operator throws the lever. Down comes the crane and scoops up a big chunk of earth. As it goes up in the air, Beatle sticks out his head. Hey! You can imagine the look of amazement on the operator's face. I didn't know anybody was in that hole. Yeah, let me down, let me down. I want to go home. Let me down. Last picture top row, the crane operator sets Beatle back on the ground. Now, maybe that'll teach you not to go crawling around on the ground. I'm convinced. Now, will you please teach the serge? First picture bottom row, Beatle walks back to the place where the tents are pitched. The serge sees him. Hey, Beatle, if you're finished, I want to inspect your work. Yeah, but I thought so. You haven't even started the dig yet. Oh, yeah? But you just wait here. I'll show you. And a moment later, Beatle is back at the road digging crew and is saying to the truck driver, Hey, please sir, would you kindly return to me the foxhole, which I dug a short while back? Huh? Back where? Back there. I don't see no foxhole. It's on your truck. Can I please have it back? Well, I don't know. You've got to give it back to me. Sergeant will kill me if I don't have one. Last picture, the serge adheres the sound of a squeaky wheelbarrow. He looks up and sees Beatle wheeling a piece of ground three feet high with a hole in the middle of it and grass hanging off the top. Beatle comes to a stop. Here it is. And the sergeant's hat pops off. Oh, a portable foxhole. Wouldn't people think you were funny if you said you were walking around wheeling a hole in the ground in a wheelbarrow? That Beatle is funny, isn't he? Certainly is. Well, now how would you like to see the new story that Walt Disney is starting today? Oh, yes, you told me about it. It was called Ben and Me. But who's Ben? Well, I think the best way to find that out is to turn over the page, go past little iodine, past Prince Valiant, and turn over page three. And there on page four is Walt Disney's Ben and Me. Ikari, dickery, diddle-dee-dee. Doodle some music for Ben and Me. In Philadelphia, in the winter of 1745, a brave little mouse named Amos set out to make his way in the world. And he announced his coming in his own little voice. It's me. He was only three inches high, dressed in a cocked hat and a rather tattered coat. And he carried a small bag of provisions on the end of his tail. He trudged out into the world and down the cold, snow-driven streets of the cold city of Philadelphia. He was a sweet little fellow. He looked mighty, mighty small and a little full on as he tried to make his way through the snowdrifts. But let him continue with his own story. I left home to seek my fortune so I could help the others. Now at least there'd be one less mouse to feed. These were hard times, as you can see if you look closely at me, last picture top row. And jobs were scarce, especially for a mouse. By nightfall, I was getting desperate. Our last hope was an old rundown shop near the edge of town, which I came to first take your bottom row. Perhaps I could find shelter here just for the night. I liggled through a hole in the wall that I was in the room of a printer. He was a kindy old gent, a little bit chubby, wearing glasses on a button of a nose and he was sitting at his desk with a shawl over his shoulders, scribbling away. It was Mr. Benjamin Franklin, very popular man in those parts. Just as I climbed onto the table to introduce myself, Mr. Franklin sneezed. Just as I climbed onto the table to introduce myself, his glasses popped off his nose and last picture I dived to save them, but the glasses slipped from their frames and left with smithereens. I looked at for him, Mr. Franklin, and he groaned. Oh, my last prayer. See you, little mouse. Oh, he's a dream-goat, that little fellow. Oh, he's so sweet. I'm glad he's got inside of a warm place on such a cold night. So am I. And do you think Mr. Franklin will give him a job? Well, Mr. Franklin lost his last pair of glasses. Maybe Amos could be of some help to him. That's if Amos has good eyes. Oh, that's an idea. Maybe he could. Well, we'll find out more about that next week. But now look across the page. There's Flash Gordon. Oh, yes. And you remember? Investigating. And last week, he was imprisoned in a room, but finally escaped by thinking of the key word that would unlock the walls. Yes, and then he began to go into the Dune city. I wonder what they will find there. Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Flash Gordon. Rega rega dune dune saskimatash. Let's have music for heroic flag. Escaping from the electronically controlled prison cell, Flash enters the mystery city of Calisto. As he moves forward, he sees a huge building with large halls, and men scattered around the room sitting perfectly still. What's this? Those people and motionists stopped right in the tracks by some deep kind of trance. Last picture, top row, he approaches one. And look at these workers. The tools of that trade seem to be part of them. And this is a strange place. And then, first picture, bottom row, suddenly the figures come to life. Hey, they all awoke as one man, like a pack of zombies. Now they're right back at their work. Don't even notice me. But in the next instant, Flash hears a voice that comes from nowhere. Attention, citizens. A stranger has entered the city illegally. He was photographed in captivity. His picture will now be shown in the public square. Flash turns around, and on a giant screen sees a picture of himself. The voice continues last picture. Remember his face, and report his whereabouts to the civic army. The mind demands his capture. That's all. People's screams? Yes, they don't even notice Flash. But they do turn around a look at the screen when the voice tells them to. And look at that last picture. There was a hand that's reaching out for Flash. Does that mean one of those workers knows that Flash is the same man as the picture and he's trying to grab it? Well, that's something we'll find out next week. But now, how would you like to skip over to Dagwood and Blondie? Oh, I just do. All right, then. Let's pick up the first page of the second section, then. All right. Here it is. And the first page of the second section. And here we go with Dagwood and Blondie. I'm a food. I'm a fums. I'm a zombie. Conjure me music for Dagwood and Blondie. It's the middle of the night. Dagwood is sound asleep. He's awakened by Blondie. Dagwood, wake up. I hear a noise outside. A noise? A noise? It could be a burglar. Well, let me get my slippers on and we'll look into this. Two minutes later, Dagwood opens the front door. Peaks out in the yard. You all right? There's a prowler in the yard. I saw a silhouette in the moonlight. Come on, give me some help. Last picture top row, Dagwood starts to roll up the carpet. What are you going to do with that carpet? Quick, get me a long piece of clothesline. And by the time you can say, J Edgar Hoover, Dagwood with a rope and a rolled up carpet under his arm is going out the door. I'm terribly worried, dear. Now, don't worry. I've got my own method for catching burgers. Dagwood walks slowly around the corner of the house. And then, in the light of the moon, he sees a man. Last picture, second row. He makes a leap at him. And first picture, third row, he walks into the house carrying the burglar wrapped up in the carpet. I found the police. I got him. I got him. My picture will be in all the papers tomorrow. And five minutes later, several policemen are standing beside Dagwood, who is standing beside the carpet, which is wrapped around the burglar that Dagwood caught. Well, congratulations, Mr. Pupter. This is the way we like to pick up crooks, all wrapped up in a package. Hey, will I get a reward? The officer reaches in his pocket and pulls out a sheet of paper. Last picture, third row. Here's the list of rewards. They go up to $10,000. Well, let's unwrap him and see how much I get. And by the time you can say, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, first picture, bottom row, Dagwood has rolled the burglar out of the carpet. Hey, he's a funny-looking burglar. Yeah, he wears a night shirt. Why, it's Herb Woodley. Herb Woodley sits up. I was out trying to find our cat. Oh, gee, Herb, I'm sorry. Blondie thought I was a burglar. Why, you ought to... Hey, officer, is it all right if I beat him up? Well, um... If we can watch, yeah, we'll watch this. No, Herb, no, no, Herb, I'm your friend. I'm your friend. Blondie runs into the room and sees Herb beating Dagwood up. Dagwood? It's OK, Mrs. Bumstead. I give Mr. Woodley permission to beat him up. And last picture, Dagwood and Blondie are back in bed. Dagwood is all bruises, lump on his head, one eye black, and feeling considerable pain. He reaches over to turn out the light and appears at Blondie through his black eye. Now listen, if you hear any more noises, don't wake me. Just phone the police. Oh! Oh, poor Dagwood. Yes, poor Dagwood. His burglar-catching scheme was very good, but he catches the wrong kind of burglar. Yes, Herb wasn't a burglar at all. He was Herb. Yeah, he certainly got even with Dagwood. Yes, poor Dagwood. Everything turns out bad for him. Yes, I'm afraid it does. Well, now let's turn over the page. Oh, and look, here on page two of the second section is our old pal Donald Duckle. Oh, can you read him please? I'll read that in just a moment. But first, here's that nice man again with something interesting to say. Now here we go again with Puck the Comic Weekly, and on the second page of the second section, little old Donald Duckle. Magic words for the music, please. Very well, my lady, say them we'll be pleased. Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeety-squeety-check-check. Let's have music to fit a quack-quack. Donald has just settled down for the night. When he hears, he sits upright in bed. Ah, shh, I think we have a burglar. And just like Dagwood, Donald has his own burglar catching equipment. By the time you can say, J. Edgar Hoover, Dagwood Bumpthead, Donald with a gun in his hand, and followed by his nephews, Huey, Louie, and Dewey, are tip-toeing down the hall. They stop and listen. I think he's gone. Yeah, well, we have failed. They turn on the light. We'll check the wall safe in the den first. Last picture top row, Donald has opened the wall safe, which is behind a picture on the wall. Last picture top row, Donald has opened the wall safe, which is behind a picture on the wall. 5, 10, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, $2.5, $3.4, $1 die, $2 knuckles, and $5 finish. Yep, it's all here, $22. Well, how about the silverware? First picture bottom row, they check the silverware. That's been touched. They look in the refrigerator. Nope, nothing on. They look in the garage. Nope, the car is safe in the garage. And then they dash to the front door, and there stands Dewey in the open door. He didn't swipe anything. It's just the opposite. Well, what do you mean? And last picture, Dewey points to a box standing on the doorstep. Somebody left four little kittens. See? Well, well, well, what do you know? Four little kittens. So I've lost their buttons and don't know where. Oh, four little kittens, aren't they sweet? Yes, they are, aren't they? They're cute little things. Four little kittens. That means each nephew and dollar will have a pet for themselves. Yes, aren't they? They're lucky fellows. Yes. Well, now look across the page. There's Rusty Riley. Oh, yes. And I'm anxious to read Rusty, because you remember somebody in the theater coming near the milestone farm had stolen a string of pearls from that rich girl. Yes, and the man was dressed in Rusty's clothes. So Rusty has been blamed for it. But Rusty wasn't anywhere near the theater at the time. He was helping a man from a carnival get out of a mud hole that he was stuck in. And he's told this to Tex. So Tex is trying to find that man. And he's called Rusty's old friend Stovepipe, who's with the carnival someplace else. And I'll bet you I know why Tex wants to call Stovepipe. So do I. And I bet you can find the man whose truck Rusty pulled out of the mud. You think Stovepipe will know? Well, let's read now and find out. Here we go with Rusty Raleigh. Gallop and run till the road is dusty. Give us music for his horse and Rusty. Third picture, top row. Stovepipe has heard the story of Rusty's trouble from Tex. Stovepipe puts down the phone and turns to the manager of the carnival, whose office he's in. It was about my young friend Rusty Raleigh, who appears to be in some way to the predicament. And perhaps you, my friend, can be of assistance. Save your breath, Dark Protestant. Oh, no, no, no. This concerns nothing, shall vulgar as money. You can help me by giving me the name of all the trained dog-ex, which are currently employed in carnivals. Last picture, top row, the manager exclaims. Dog-ex? Geosophant man, there's a million of them. I wouldn't have one in the lot. They keep me awake nights. But I can give you some names. And a short time later, first picture bottom row, Stovepipe has Rusty on the phone and is reading a list of names of men who have trained dog-ex, hoping that Rusty will recognize the name of the man whose truck was stuck in the mud. A corrigans, cute canines, a lager's bavarian doxons, Cooper's troupe of educated poodles, Jerry's wonder dogs. That's it. That's the one, Jerry's wonder dog. Back at the milestone farm, Rusty hangs up the phone. Yeah, I got the name text. It's Jerry's wonder dogs. Stovepipe doesn't know where they are, but he says not to worry because he will find them. Good. Now, I'm going to call on my old friend, Mel Clinton, a detective. Half hour later, Texas told the story to a friend of his who was a private detective. And that's the story, Mel. You were with the police a long time. I thought you might have an idea about how a crook would get rid of a $3,000 necklace. All right, fancy course, Tex. I suppose we ride over to that theater and have a look at the scene of the crime. And a few minutes later, Tex and Mel are walking down the street toward Texas car, last picture. Tex sees two men across the street looking in a window. He stops. Hey, wait, Mel, wait. There, little pal. He's one of the actors out at the county play house. Hold it, Tex. Never mind the actor. The guy he's talking to is Dan the Orchid. Shorty, the actor and the others that man he gave the necklace to after he stole it. And Mel knows that the tall man who got the necklace is a crook. Oh, and now a stovepipe's going to try to find the man who rushed the help, and maybe, maybe soon he must be out of trouble. Well, let's hope so. We'll find out more about that next week. But now let's turn over the page. And look, here on page four of the second section is Roy Rogers. Oh, and Roy is really in danger, because, you remember, he was with his friend Cube Root, and he's the kind of a funny fellow. He has been danced crazy things. Yes, one of which was a noiseless gunpowder. And the man named Wasp Bascom had stolen some of the gunpowder, and he was putting some of it under a bridge to blow it up. And Roy and Cube were riding in pursuit of Bascom, and they were just coming to the bridge. And the explosion is about to go off. I wonder if they will be killed there? Let's read now and find out. Here we go with Roy Rogers, King of the Cowboys. Ah, yip-ay-oh, now here we go with Roy and Trigger. Ah, yip-ay-oh. Roy and Cube galloped toward the bridge, and then... Okay. Cube is thrown to the ground by his horse. He sits up, a big smile in his face. Eureka, whoever blew up that bridge used my new noiseless explosive, Roy, and it worked. It didn't make a noise. And a short distance away behind a rock, Wasp Bascom, an evil smile in his face says to himself, Ah, that bridge blew up without a sound. Now I know the powder I stole from Cube Root is exactly what we need. Last picture, top row, Roy and Cube mount up to ride on. Perhaps Bascom was merely testing my QTNT and didn't see us coming, Roy. We can find that out later, Cube. Right now I want to investigate that line shack that disappeared last night. Roy starts to dig around in the debris to see if he can find a clue. Cube sits down in a broken chair. Now my first theory is that all the rocks in that structure vaporized. Yeah? Well, here's one that didn't. Meanwhile, up in the mountains among some trees, Wasp Bascom gallops up to wagons loaded with rocks. He sees two of his men, guns in their hands. He rides up and stops. What's the idea of hiding in here with the rocks? Let's get moving. Stop yeppin', Bascom, and unlimber your rifle. Rogers is coming along the trail. Last picture, Roy and Cube are approaching up the road. You know, Roy, I have another idea. Here, save it, Cube. I saw sunlight reflecting off a gun barrel in those trees. No, it doesn't even say bang. And how can anybody make a cabin disappear overnight? I don't know, but you can see that it disappeared into that wagon because there are a lot of rocks in it. I wonder... Yeah, and I wonder why they're so worried about Roy that they're going to try to shoot him. Do you think they will shoot him? Well, we'll find out about that next week. Now look across the page. There's Uncle Remus. Oh, hello. Oh, I certainly will. Here we go with Uncle Remus and his tales of Brer Rabbit. Say the magic words with me. Give it a hop, and you make it a habit. They give us music for old Brer Rabbit. Uncle Remus says, Brer Weasel is always trying to make easy money the hard way. Yep, Brer Weasel is up to mischief again. He snatches apples from the orchard of Brer Coon. And right in front of Brer Coon's orchard is a sign which reads... $11 Reward for anybody catching anybody snatching my apples. Up in a tree, Brer Sparrow is watching Brer Weasel who has stolen an armful of apples. He sees Brer Weasel look down the road and hears him say, Oh, Brer Rabbit. He's got to criminalize him before he disconglaberates me. And he sees Brer Weasel lay one apple in the center of the road. Brer Rabbit ate temptation-proof and then Brer Weasel pops back in the bushes. And there comes Brer Rabbit down the road. He sees the apple and stops, bends down and picks it up. Up in the tree, Brer Sparrow says to himself, Uh-oh, Brer Rabbit is done stepped into this window trap. And sure enough, Brer Weasel pops out of the bushes. Brer Rabbit, apples snatching. Brer Rabbit is claiming the reward. And then comes judgment time. Last picture top row, Brer Weasel holding Brer Rabbit by the ears has brought him before old Jed Jow. Jed Jow caught him with the goods. Jed Jow looks at the apple and Brer Rabbit's hand. When I hear the confab and I see the evidence, but why is the witness? When out of a tree speaks Brer Sparrow. Here he is, Your Honor. And first picture bottom row, Brer Sparrow jumps off the tree limmy sitting on and flies toward Brer Weasel. I have got some witnesses of my own to unlatch. I see Brer Weasel fill his whole hat full of evidence. And Brer Sparrow pulls Brer Weasel's hat off. And out full, Lebanon-de-Leban apples. Well, well, well. And a short time later, Brer Weasel is standing before the sheriff and Jud Jowl who says, And so Brer Weasel, says, And last picture, Brer Rabbit walks off down the road with Brer Sparrow who has collected the reward. Hey, tell me, little Jack Sparrow, what is you going to do with all this reward money? Oh, I is going to grow a whole plantation full of birdseed. And Uncle Remus says, And Uncle Remus says, And you bet he was, a little old Brer Rabbit might have been tossed in the Calibus. And only Brer Sparrow gets the reward. And Brer Weasel gets clapped in the Calibus. I'm glad Brer Rabbit isn't in trouble because I just love him. So do I. Well, now, that's all the time I have. But before I go, here's that nice fellow with some more interesting information. And I and all you boys and girls, I gotta go now. All right, Miss Weasel. Okay, that's a date and a date with all you boys and girls. Be sure to meet me with our little friend Miss Honey next week when I read Puck the comic weekly. For I'm the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man. I'll be back to read the funnies to you happy boys and honey. Don't forget, boys and girls, see you all next week. Your friend the comic weekly man, the jolly comic weekly man.