 So today we're going to talk about what it takes to attract a real high-quality man And I'm really excited to have a dear friend of mine in the house Catherine Woodward Thomas Catherine wrote the book calling in the one Everybody I just want you to see this and by the way if you want to get a copy of it click the link below She's a marriage and family therapist. She's written another book called conscious uncoupling In fact, we recently did a video on that we talked about the ending of my relationship And today we're going to talk about what it takes to attract A love in our lives soulmate and I'm going to be part of this journey as well because I'm basically back in the single marketplace So welcome Catherine. Thank you Jonathan. What a joy to be here for part two of the conversation Now that we have a wonderful coupling We're open to new love Well, you know, it's interesting I did a post today in my instagram and I talked about the quality of a relationship isn't predicated by the amount of time or going the distance with someone it's really about the healing and the growth that can come out of a relationship and for those that You know a lot of times are in a state of fear and this piggybacks on our last conversation I want to show that there's hope to attracting, you know that Go the distance partner if that does exist and I was hoping that today we can kind of Pick that pick the nooks and crannies of that Yeah, absolutely So I think there's You know, I I've been lately pondering the idea of the difference between dating and attracting and And particularly because our dating marketplace has been consumed with things of swiping and such an internet I think of people, you know, many people are spending way too much time in the In the weeds and not really at the higher stage of attracting love in our life So maybe we could talk about that to get our conversation started. I think that's a great place to start because I've heard from so many people that it's a lot of work To do yeah sorting Right kind of trying to find that needle in a haystack Yeah, and I think what we're talking about today Is how do I become magnetic so that? You know that I just draw that person in the right way. I'm not I'm not constantly sorting through all the people who are not right And I think that you know the the conversation of this high quality man For a high quality relationship Yeah has to begin with us It has to begin with us because yeah, first of all all relationships are a spectrum of possibilities Right average relationship has its has its Potential for toxicity And it also has potential for elevation Okay, the higher dimensions of love where true love really can show up Where you get to have boundaries Where you get to make mistakes where you get to be who you really are But somehow the the field in the relationship inspires You to really strive to be the best person that you can be And to do in life, right? That's what we're all really hungry for Yeah So, you know all of us here I'm going to I'm going to just assume that everybody here who's listening to you Is a pretty high quality person because you're a pretty high quality man Well, thank you, you know and the fact that I use this term I'll be candid with everyone watching It's a little bit of you know for uh search engine optimization purposes But I I don't necessarily like to grade people based on quality but at the same time I do believe that there are humans that are suffering on the inside and makes it difficult for them to be in relationship And then there are people that are more empowered in their lives and they make better partners in relationship and to some degree That's what I mean by the word quality Dating what's interesting. I want to share with you an idea I had the other day I was thinking about particularly the way our current dating marketplaces where they're swiping And it's internet based and it's almost like telemarketing It's almost like, you know, like I I used to be in sales and I would be given a list of 100 names And I just call one after the other after the other after another and that really generated poor results Versus when I got out and did networking when I went out and played golf with business people When I started to do things like that. I generated better leads when I was in sales Those what we called warm leads And I'm I'm liking the dating process today is what can we do to create? You know warmer leads. What can we do to attract someone in? Rather than this dialing for dollars kind of methodology that we're currently involved in That's a great way to put it dialing So I I agree with you everyone has inherent value Yeah, I think if we even approach the you know Dialing for dollars dating scene We want to bring that that everyone has value even if people are mistreating us because it's a meat market out there We don't want to be a part of that So, you know, if you want to if you want to attract in love you have to start by being actually interested in being a loving person Let's start there So be loving wherever you are be respectful Be kind be generous as you can and have good boundaries and also You know, don't get your fantasies all caught up in the dating for dating for dollars Seen because you know, we have a lot of projections all of our hopes and dreams kind of get pinned on You know, we like that particular picture of that particular profile So without knowing who that person is but so so let's get you know, definitely so high quality I'm just going to define high quality Okay, quality is a man who has the capacity to commit Is to commit Yes, who has good character Yes, it's people. Well, he he aspires to have integrity in his business dealings in his Family relationships. He shows up with people You know as an honorable person And he has the capacity to create trust because love is unconditional but relationships are not Relationships depend on trust Yeah, trust depends on you keep your word. You show up. You're accountable You can self reflect on yourself as the source of the breakdown. You can Um, you know, you can hear feedback. You can respond. Well, you know, you can Be an ownership of your flaws So so it's somebody who has that capacity now They either have the capacity because they were raised in a really loving family So they understand what it takes to actually create safety and love Okay, and or Okay, they've done a lot of work on themselves They've really they've they've you know, they've read the books. They've sat on the cushion in the couch for a long time You know And when you ask them so what went wrong in your last relationship, they're going to tell you more about themselves and about the other person Yeah So, okay, so I I reflect on this for a moment because well, I I grew up fairly Middle-class and to some degree I definitely had some childhood wounds and traumas in a variety of different ways But thankfully I didn't have an extreme case of trauma or abuse or neglect or that sort of thing And I recognize that I needed to do work on myself And and I've been on a journey a real soul searching journey for well over a decade To really become kind of the best person I can be And it starts with everything you just shared, you know I did a video about character and actions consistently matching the words and And genuinely wanting commitment and trust as paramount in their relationship and I listed literally everything you just shared So no matter whoever's watching this no matter where you're out in the spectrum I do do believe we have a capacity to call in A really fantastic life partner in our lives. In fact, everybody really quickly. I just want to say something Catherine's going to be hosting an event very soon I'm actually attending this event. It's a virtual event called calling in the one There will be a link below in the show notes There'll be a link in the in the in the comments section as well If you want to attend this I highly recommend it. I'll be attending this So today Catherine, I thought maybe we could talk about Kind of what's going to be happening in this course over the next is it eight weeks? Yes, it's a week course Yeah, so and I was and I was just looking at the chapters myself, you know Um, are you open to going through it little by little with everyone? Sure? absolutely So let's start with the first week Preparing because I think this conversation so fits into the idea of attracting And not the dialing for dollars. Okay Well, and and by the way, I met my partner Michael online Okay, but he's the only person that I I met On that online. I met one person. It was Michael and he's amazing like, you know, so So that's what we're talking about. How do you initiate magic into the process? Yeah, right. So, you know, we don't have We don't have our parents arranging our matches anymore And we're and we're not back where our grandparents had like four people to choose from because that's all Single people in their town. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and and I think that You know, we have to recognize that the kind of wealth of choices that we have really can paralyze us So We have to initiate a little bit of magic Okay, you can set a goal to get a phd or to buy a house or get a great job But you can't really set a goal for true love you have to rely on magic You have to rely on That kind of intangible Synchronicity all those steps that we call the shirt You know, what is that when you meet somebody, you know, like when Michael and I met You know, I happened to say I just said to my daughter out of like how many songs are there in the lexicon of millions Two days before I just said to my daughter, you know My favorite song is is my sweet lord Okay, right old old song right old song And uh, I'm talking to Michael. I'm just getting to know him. We hadn't even met in person yet And he mentions my favorite song is my sweet lord, you know, that kind of the shirt those is kind of synchronicities inside So that's what we're really wanting to initiate here So that's that's that's what we're teaching in the class is how to awaken that and become magnetic To the person that you're really who's really right for you Well, some people are gonna consider that woo-woo, you know magic is you know, that's that's ridiculous. That's so illogical But I don't believe that to be true Well, I mean, it's just kind of an In our lexicon that you get these kind of synchronicities and songs It's somebody important if you ever had that experience You're sorry, you know, it's interesting because to some degree I I felt that in my most recent relationship But oh, so let me share something with you. So and I might have mentioned this before When we first connected I I felt a disconnect between the two of us And but the same time I had this nine there was this weird curiosity I am meant to meet this person. I really had this strong sense I'm meant to meet this person and when I met her We we we hit it off And and to some degree I I look back and I go, okay Well, now I can see where maybe there was some misalignment between the two of us But the same time Catherine, I want to say something This relationship was probably the healthiest relationship I've ever experienced It's a relationship where I went all in I I showed up in ways I never had before And she's really a beautiful human being we were just we're in, you know I almost want to say it's a timing thing or something else that's a misalignment But I I knew there was something about her that I couldn't put my finger on And now looking back I know this relationship wasn't meant to go the distance This relationship was meant to offer a deeper healing for and by the way And I think she would openly admit she healed tremendously in our relationship because I know I did Well, that's wonderful. I mean, I love that you're valuing the relationship according to the growth that was gained in that relationship Yeah, not necessarily because it lasted a lifetime Which is you know the kind of the fantasy that All of us are holding ourselves and each other accountable to you and and you're part of busting up that That narrative that somehow it has to last a lifetime in order to be Well, you you said something in our you said something in our last video and I apologize for interrupting You talked about serial monogamy and it really struck me how You know, we have this old paradigm that you know, my parent by the way My parents were married 66 years before my mother passed away and and you know, my girlfriend's parents were the same way Um You know, it's okay to have several Relationships in our lives. There's nothing wrong with it Well, you know and and what we said last time just for those who didn't watch that particular video Is that the happily ever aftermath was created when the lifespan was less than 40 years of age And they really weren't there wasn't any mobility in life you were kind of born into one area and That's the area you were going to stay in for the most part that that was it So your options were pretty narrow in life as well In your particular case you had did you met somebody you got married You had a child and the relationship didn't work out and do you mind sharing at what age did you meet? Your current beloved current partner. Oh gosh. I was 61 Yeah, you're 61. So it's like there's this Yeah, you put that golden bachelorette category I know I watched that show this week. It's fabulous. Yeah, I'm I'm analyzing it quite a bit Well, you know work By the way 68, you know the fastest growing single demographic is going to be 60 year olds I know Well, you know gray divorce is the fastest category of divorce people who are divorcing After you know long-term marriages and that Feel, you know that they can be complete. It's not a contentious hostile divorce. Maybe they raise children together They did a business together And while they're on to the next thing You know, it really this really started in the 60s by the way with the pill Yes, the pill. Yes treatment and viagra and yes, we're like, all right. I'm 80 I'm getting a makeover get me, you know to the lingerie store So for my 80th birthday because I'm going to go out and find me a new lover I think Louise. Hey, you know modeled that for us. So beautiful. Okay. Okay. So, but I'm just saying our expectations have really radically changed Thank goodness And we're not just ready to to hang it up at the age of 60 We're ready to then do the next part of our life in a really vibrant way How do we attract in a high quality man just to kind of because we're moseying Yeah, so let's start with the first week of Preparing for love like Do you mind giving us a little insight into the first week of the course you're going to be doing? No, the first week of the course actually begins with the future because most of us when we're working on our relationship issues What to go back into our past we want to we look at our parents marriage We look at our relationships With our older siblings or with our early caregivers You know and we we are going to find some Generally, most of us will find some wounds there some of us severe traumas, you know, some very severe of some kind of abuse or neglect which is a very high form of abuse and So so there's things to do. There's things to heal But I have discovered that we have kind of an under we have kind of a myth Inside of psychotherapy and i'm a therapist. So i've been around the block for a while And i've been with a lot of people But I think there's this method if I understand my past enough and I understand why I am the way that I am Why my patterns are the way they are where they come from What happened when with who why it happened that somehow it's going to liberate me to do it differently Kind of organically moving forward and occasionally that will happen It's not that it never happens, but when it comes to love These patterns tend to be very primitive and very deep and very Saved So I say let's start with the future Let's start with the future of what it is that you're committed to creating And set an intention because the moment somebody sets an intention for love It's different than having a goal. It's different than wanting love. It's different than hoping for love Because you know if you want something you hope for something The fulfillment of that really is outside of you you might pray for it You might even put it on a vision board But really if you're going to set an intention What an intention does like I'm going to be engaged by my 42nd birthday, which is the I said that started the whole calling in the one process, you know 20-something years ago with my first Wusband who is still a dear friend of mine who I did have my daughter with But I started with that intention and what that does is when you set kind of an unreasonable Intention for a future that does not look likely at all Particularly given that you've been trying to do this for a while The game is not to run out and make that happen The game becomes to become who you would need to be In order for that to manifest and then to be able to sustain it Yeah So it begins to pull you into the development all the ways you're going to need to grow When we have traumas in the past why it doesn't work just to go through your old trauma To try and just heal enough so that you can have love is because when you were traumatized You actually stopped developing certain skills or you never had the chance to develop certain skills Let's say you had a narcissistic parent So you kind of breathed it into your soul that you're invisible that no one really cares about your feelings and needs and then Inside of that consciousness Which you learned when you were two And you know it was kind of true in that home Because not because the other person didn't want to love you maybe they just didn't have the capacity That to care about your feelings and needs separate from their own But you never actually learned how to Present yourself how to ask how to ask what you need so that becomes developmental So if you then set an intention you've got a pattern and your science seem to wind up with narcissists and then you know Oh, I've dated my mother again Really what's happening is you know, you're you're kind of missing the capacity To presence yourself and to ask for what you want and need in the recognition That the other person actually cares. So what basically happens is if you think you're invisible You're sourcing your safety in relationship by disappearing yourself and putting all your attention on the other person Well, let me jump in for a moment because something I've observed as a coach is um, you know And and folks if you're watching this isn't just for the 60 year old category. This is the 30 40 50 60 even 70 year old category I noticed that when I went through my divorce at age 40 You know people they the the dating marketplace was very active because the internet was relatively the wild west at that time People began saying to me. Well, I learned what I want by what I don't want But I want to put a thumbnail here What I truly observed was people for example would write in their profile all the things they didn't want And so the focus was what they didn't want But they didn't really have an idea of what they really wanted to experience more importantly what they wanted to experience in this space in their life And you know, kind of the law of attraction is if your energy, you know, you know Whatever the energy you put out. Is it what you track? So what I've observed is women in particular We could keep attracting narcissist and players and bad boys and Emotionally unavailable men and commitment folks because they focused on what they didn't want and from what I'm understanding in the course That's your offering. There's going to be more an expansion on that Intention, correct. Yeah, I mean it look a lot of a lot of people have actually gotten Very clear about what they won't tolerate anymore. They won't settle for and then they're lonely because They're not pulling in what they do want. They don't know how to create what they do want So in week one and preparing for love We start with that intention. So in case of invisibility, you might say I my intention is to create a wonderful Mutual relate mutually respectful Mutually loving relationship where we both feel seen we both feel heard That we are best friends spiritual partners and lovers And this relationship will be in my life by New Year's Eve And the reason I like to put that, you know timeline in it is because it kind of puts a little I better get ready now. I better start, you know, preparing for that right now So, you know, whether it happens or not, it's not the main goal It's becoming who you'd need to be in order for that to happen So now you're you know, now you're just kind of playing a game and the game is To to begin to create your environment. So the first week we're we're redoing our home to match that environment Maybe you get two night stands instead of one Maybe you clean space out in your closet where that person can put their things I want to bring something up real quick. Yeah. Yeah Oh only because you just mentioned the closet. I mean Weeks before I attracted Marie into my life I had cleared out my closet my walk-in closet. I mean, I threw out 15 garbage bags and I had Quadrupled the amount of space I had before Wow So that was and I didn't do that because of attracting someone in it was just, you know I just did that because it needed to be done But what was interesting is I had space for someone but I want to add one more share here You mentioned vision vision board. I'm a big believer in vision boards. So I had created a vision board and I had a picture of Marie Osmond in the Just because I love the hairstyle and coincidentally Actually, I should add Linda Carter because her name was Marie and she even had a little bit of the look to her as well So, you know, I think vision boards. It's not the literal sense But it really it's a powerful experience to put in what you want and And focus on it from a real heart centered space of joy and excitement And not necessarily from a place of lack Well, I like that what you're saying that the value of the vision board, which is also part of the preparing for love course that portion of the course um The value of creating the vision board is trying on that future Because when you're visioning you actually want to not be visioning like you're watching a movie out there You want to be closing your eyes and imagining what does it feel like? What does it look like? What does it sound like? What does it smell like? When he's just fresh out of the shower and I'm smelling the shampoo in his hair What is it like when we're laughing together or what does it smell like when he's cooking dinner for me? See what I actually get in into your body when you're visioning And then you're going to ask the universe for Four questions Okay, who am I who am I here? I'm loved. I'm seen. I'm safe. I'm happy. I'm thrilled I'm sexually turned on right so you're getting into your own experience That's not a list of external attributes. Yeah other person to have You're coming at it from the inside out. That's the first question second question What would I need to let go of? Okay in order to receive this into my life And when you ask that question like in meditation You're gonna have to let go of your attachment to your former partner You're gonna let go of uh all the love letters you've been saving over the year You're gonna have to let go of smoking You're gonna have to let go of drinking every night. You're gonna have to let go of your anger towards your sister Like there's we just know these things intuitively you just ask the question It will it will be there. You have to learn to listen to your deeper knowing Do I have to let go of my pickiness? Well, no, do you like it's not that it's not like i'm not telling you what you have to let go Telling yourself Well, I I bring that up because I We love avoidant behavior, you know, yeah, well, I was gonna say I think people and you know, I'm guilty of this But to some degree, you know letting go of you know, all the rules is really what i'm talking about when I say pickiness, you know, all the Oh Yeah, well, it's not I do find that there's a little bit. We have these images But I always say but you're not going to compromise your attraction to that person. Yeah Okay, so people get scared when we say that I call you because I think women are expected particularly women are like, oh, you know, like I and because they want that six foot tall tall dark and handsome and are that guy jonathan Well, we're not talking about me. We're talking about the audience watching, you know, where you know You know the average height of a man is five foot nine and a half So, you know, I I think to some degree There's You know, it's it's one thing to have a desire It's another thing to create it as an expectation Yeah, you know and and and let me be clear. I'm in all in favor of you know, honesty integrity trust as expectations You know, I'm those aren't desires. Those are what I call bare minimums But how that package looks I think sometimes letting go of that And just trusting that the universe will find the person for you that fits exactly what you want anyway So we're making space for that person So what is he teaching points in preparing for loves? He was still on the first step, right? There's seven, but there's a lot that happens with velocity because I've worked with at least 60 000 Probably 70 000 people taking them through this process. That's okay. Wow three stuff That's my paid courses that people are coming up for the years because I've been doing this for a while for calling And the one came out almost 20 years ago. Oh, yeah And I we wrote it So this is the revised edition that we're looking at today just to clarify everything in there But the key teaching point I'm going to say in week one is introducing this idea of self as source And what I mean by that is to start to understand that, you know, a lot of us understand Why we are why the patterns are I'm attracted to this x y z I'm attracted to alcoholics because my father was an alcoholic or Or because I'm codependent. I don't you know, I I I go with you know dominating men because I'm afraid to speak up and you know, so we have our psychology down but And and it's interesting to know those things but nothing changes from those insights So what we want to say is you're not responsible for what happened to you as a child But you are responsible for the choices you're making and actions you're taking as an adult And you want to start to recognize That the patterns are happening through you and not just to you So the first thing is so I might say, you know, what's your pattern with with, you know, with all your lovers, you know Different size shapes ages colors, whatever income levels But there's always some dynamic And it might be that, you know, I'm always somebody's, you know caregiver I always like end up taking care of them Right, that's a common thing. I hear most frequently from women. I always choose emotionally unavailable men That was my thing too. Mostly on a woman. I had a big thing for married men when I was single years ago You know, and there were and it just seemed like my fate to be living that story because no matter what room I walked into none of the available men looked at me and all of the married men looked at It's just maddening and painful like we're laughing right now, but it was actually painful And um, so okay unavailable men. So so how am I the source Of unavailable men. So I'll tell you what I discovered Yeah, okay inside of looking at how am I the source of this And I you know, I went the psychology is my father left when I was 10 and crushed me And so I never want to get my heart hurt like that again, you know, that's the psychology of it But if I took responsibility for it, it's that I Never wanted I was literally choosing drama over love Because I never really wanted anyone to get close enough that they could hurt me again Now I'm being responsible for that. That's my choice. I'm doing that over and over and over I'm breaking my own heart in the process over and over and over Not able to fulfill my desire to have a child which I had wanted for years So, you know, when you when you when you put it like that Then you can sit with yourself and say Catherine sweetheart Is that is that worth it because this is costing you love could you you're not 10 anymore? You were crushed when you were 10 you have a lot more tools now You can handle it if somebody hurts you But I don't think you can handle it to go for your whole life without love Right you can negotiate that so all of a sudden when you make it conscious like how am I the source of this? So that that gets introduced That's a through line throughout all of calling in the one is personal responsibility because If you are able to see the specific choices you're making the actions you're taking or not taking As an adult you get to renegotiate those contracts and you get to think that we are not bound to continue Uh, our what I call our pseudo safety strategies that we developed when we were young and we didn't have any resources We have a lot of resources now as adults A lot of support a lot of help So that's really weak one preparing for love. Okay The level setting and intention seeing the pattern seeing ourselves as the source of that pattern starting to live into that future Okay And by the way folks just as a reminder if you want to join the course There'll be a link below to sign up for this to get the more full flavor of it So let's dive into and we're going to cover all the weeks really quickly What's happens in week two? Well, let's put week two and week three together because okay, okay While we've declared this future and i'm going to say it's almost like Michelangelo looking at a big slab of marvel saying okay, i'm going to i'm going to create david Okay, and when Michelangelo talked about how he created david And if you've never seen the statue of david in florence, I you know, I suggest you go because it's okay to behold It's beautiful But when he he said I just took away everything that was not david that was yeah Yeah, i've heard that everything that was not david so In week two we're looking at completing your past because we want to untether All of the anchors that we have in the past. So that's going to be resentments Because you know if you're resentful it's probably because somebody did something that was quite a violation You have every right to feel resentful But where where it stops love is that even if it was 97 percent the other person you've got to see your three percent Yeah, we're to plug up that hole Not having a boundary the not speaking your needs clearly the not negotiating for your needs Yeah, you know the skipping over of the red flags the avoidance of conflict to those kinds of subtle things That ended you know blowing up in our face. So you've got to see your part In a dynamic not for what happened when you were a child again, but for how that's playing out again with other people So once you make you see that you make an amends to yourself. You're on the road to trusting yourself Be able to love The other part of that is old agreements To look at it's like what are the promises you've made along the way because all of our agreements serve as Intentions and they're still operating. So if you when you were 16, I'm never going to get married like my mother and get Oh, oh, I see what you mean. Got it. Or I'm gonna you're the great love of my life I'll never love another man like I love you Hmm Or I'm never gonna I'm I'm gonna let my older sister get married first because I don't want her to be unhappy Right. So there's kind of overt agreements things we said out loud And then there's covert kind of contracts loyalty contracts We have that are tethering us to the past and tethering us to being unhappily single the other dive into this for a second because You know, we talked about a moment ago graying the graying divorce I've noticed a significant percentage of people who declare I don't want to get married again and And to some degree and I can understand why many people might feel that way, you know I mean they're especially from a financial perspective um That's an old agreement but it and so is it important to replace even let's say you don't want to get married again What replacement would you want that or is that further down the line in the course? No, really. I mean, I think when you're you're talking about the gray divorce and Truthfully, many people don't want to get married because now they have children And they have you know, they want to leave their assets to their children And yeah, I think to get married because so you can have a spiritual marriage. I don't mind marriage is Kind of a legal contract. It's a business contract. It is I think it's separate From the contract that you're making with your beloved michelin are not married for that very reason I wouldn't marry also michael gets a pension from his late wife Okay, it cost us a lot of money to get married Well, we don't really need to be married. We're kind of married in our hearts. We are going to have a spiritual ceremony and um, maybe have our friend mary and williamson who's off You know, it's very it's our our union is quite beautiful and sacred and we've been together five years now But um, but I don't I am not a big Advocate for the need to marry but I am a big advocate for commitment Well, where i'm getting though is if there's an animus or even a resistance to marriage that might coming back to the letting go Is that energy could be blocking just any relationship? Even if it doesn't have to be Well, it's incomplete. So you're putting up a wall Exactly. That's what you're talking about. Yeah, that's what you want to look at in this What so that is what you would be looking at in the second? Of the program here because it's completing that relationship In a way that would leave you liberated and free to marry or not marry So you're not like sourcing the next relic You're not bringing that the baggage of that relationship into the next relationship, which is essentially What's happening in that set case scenario the other piece the third piece of this is a toxic relationships where you're actually losing personal power So that's in a relationship with you know an alcoholic sibling or Maybe a boss who's abused, you know abusive with the hours or you know always yelling at you So you have to actually if you if you're if you're really standing for the highest and the best of love You have to be in your highest and best. You can't compartmentalize that I'm going to be you know giving my power away to my younger sister Constantly and never speak the truth or never set boundaries And then suddenly I'm going to be at my absolute finest in this relationship and negotiate and navigate it to its higher potentials It doesn't work like that. We have to be healthy across the board So you're getting your whole relational field lined up with the future that you're standing for Okay. Okay. Okay. I like that Oh, go ahead take us to the next step. So week three has to do with transforming your core Love identity because the biggest obstacle to love long-term love manifesting and sustaining happy healthy love Has to do with a core sense of self that developed when you were very young in relationship with your caregivers that you're somehow Not worthy that you're not important That you don't matter as much as other people matter that you're destined to be alone It's somehow you're not safe. So we all have Kind of you know, maybe multiple core wounds But I find that usually there's one particular identity that's getting in the way Might not be there in the early stages of dating Once you start to get a little triggered is when it's show up. That's when we go into I'm threatened here I'm not safe here or seeing no one was ever going to show up for me Anyway, and we kind of collapse into those old stories And then we start operating out of those old stories from the consciousness of that old story And when we're centered wherever we're centered at the level of identity is where we're generating our relationships from So you'll actually set somebody up to play out that story Now this is where people are like crazy because we're like, oh, it's in my unconscious This is where I'm victimized by am I on psychology? I can't get rid of this That was like exactly where I was going to go next. I want to hear now So and calling in the one we actually had this very elegant process of being able to name it from your body To learn how to mentor that self in your body who's holding that story Connect it with the part of you that is holding a different possible truth the deeper truth I know that i'm valuable I know that i'm worthy of love I didn't come here to be alone. I came here to love and be loved. It's within my power To grow my skill set to be able to manifest and sustain that So there's parts of us that are holding wisdom and intelligence and development So we have to get those two parts in relationship And then actually what I call shifting centers so that you're always able to do the relationships that you're in From your adult center. You still get triggered, but you're not creating the relationship from the triggered place Okay I want to jump in really quickly Because just thinking about what we've shared in the last 20 minutes. I go wow, this is a lot of work You know, I mean will I ever get there? Will I ever actually be in that space and my point is is that You know, I think there's a tipping point where Doing individual work taking personal responsibility You know changing patterns letting go It's not like there's a you know, you reach this epitome at some point You reach this pinnacle if you will but I feel like when you reach a tipping point Then things start to manifest in your favor and and this is just a supposition on my part And I want your perception on it or perspective on it. It's not that you have to love yourself fully It's just that you're in a state of loving yourself to attract love in does that feel Here's the thing Jonathan, okay Calling in the one was created when I was in my 40s Okay, and I had been a psychotherapist for years. I've been a spiritual practitioner for decades I've been therapy for 12 years in in I went to landmark education for 12 years And I was my thing I guess because I was in 12 step programs for 12 years So what was calling in the one is it's almost like I've done the work for you You actually can have this shift in seven weeks. That's the promise of course That's what and I have a lot of evidence for that a lot. Okay. Very quickly So I know what it is to work on your issues for many years It doesn't mean look and what you're pointing to is it some of the hurts that we suffered when we were young We'll always we're always going to be healing those wounds. Yeah, that's kind of where I'm getting at Yeah, like so this myth like you have to heal all your wounds before you can have love That's what I'm breaking up. No calling in the one is manifesting love now outside that story You're outside the story and you're accessing your capacity to create love from the highest and the best of who you are Not from the weakest part of who you are. Okay Well, let's go into thank you for that. So let's go into the next week and the week after that Well, so week four now. Okay, so we've gotten rid of everything that we don't want Okay week four is now about how to actually manifest Okay, okay. Is this dating? Dating or you know walking through the islet whole foods and you know, there he is and you know that kind of That that's that like your love light is on and people are showing up And it's a whole different caliber of people So this is where you start kind of evolve you see evidence Very quickly That you do indeed have the power to begin to attract people that are outside of your old story Okay, and so the first, you know, three weeks are just kind of clearing the field clearing the space and when we get into this Uh part of the course what we're doing is essentially we're doing a lot of visioning And one of the keys to being able to manifest quickly is when you desire something like an Like and of course I can have less like the world is my oyster Everything is possible and when you're actually centered in that part of yourself And then you're feeling desire. It's one of the strongest magnets on the planet You know, it's very different than wanting something if you if you break down the latin route of to want it's from black Is what it gent it what is? But if you break down the latin route to the word desire Okay, to await what the stars will bring Right so the energy of Can you say that one more time? Yes, so if you if you go back and you and you break down the word To want to want something At its root it means from black Okay, got it coming from not having The consciousness of wanting something is okay. I don't have it The consciousness of desire And what the word actually means is to await what the stars will bring so there's just kind of delicious experience so if You know if we desire if we try and desire before we do the david thing where we're looking for taking away everything but In our consciousness, we're kind of like I can't have this other people can have it I have a lot of evidence about why I can't have it right. Yes. Yes. Yeah So so it it's that's what neediness is I want something but I can't have it and it's repelling and none of us want to be needy So then we pretend we don't have any needs at all Which is horrible because then you can't assess if somebody has the capacity to give you what you need If you're not going to actually need something So when you're in uh, when you're in what I call power center Your adult center, you know, you're worthy of love. You know, you have the power to create it Which is where we get you by week four Then you can start to dream. I want to have you know Sexuality like just you know all in the field a lot of arrows in the field I want to have a laughter. I want to create a family with this person I want to just swoon when they walk in the door. I want to you know, all the experiences I want to be intellectually stimulated. I want to be spiritually inspired The word daydream comes to mind. Is it kind of daydreaming in a sense? Maybe I mean, I think I think of daydreaming I mean, maybe it's just how I think of is kind of out here up in the clouds a little bit. This is a good body Okay, okay in your body. Remember I was talking about but but what does it look like? What is it? Like what is it? Yeah, like when we're all curled up on a sunday morning and he's spooning me from behind And he's kissing my neck like I really want it in your body Because then you're walking through the world from that center and it is powerfully magnetic So then there's other things that we're doing in that week which have to do with You know getting you really anchored in your purpose because you want someone is aligned with your vision Which last time we talked about is what we talked about my mission. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Mission and what was missing in your relationship I just saw that my battery is about to run out Well, we're okay, we'll make it fight. Can we do it? We'll do the balance of it in the last five minutes I have two percent. Is it going to make five minutes? Well, let's see where we go and then we'll end there Okay, so step Five six and seven five is about self-love Okay, that's where you just learned how to just love yourself. Yeah After woodward thomas right here Well, you just learned how to love yourself. You're in communion with yourself. You know what you feel You know what you need You're with yourself. You know how to soothe yourself like you're learning all these skills Six and seven is about starting to put it into practice having the courage to show up in new ways If you've never asked for what you need to learn to just be overt about that to take the risk to show up differently To be able to hold the high watch for love to bounce back in the face of disappointments because it's all food for growth You have a new relationship to disappointments And and you're holding space for the unimagined to show up So I know you're going to run out of battery and folks if she all of a sudden disappears You know, we're grateful for the time that you've shared with us You know Everyone I want you to know something Catherine is not just a dear friend, but I truly value her work I want to share with you Catherine Some of what you teach kind of mirrors what I do in my own work, you know for my clientele Not, you know, and I and I noticed that there was this mirroring because I think there's a universal truth You know truth, you know is that when a person has let go of the past they've done the inner work They're loving on themselves. They create a vision of what they want They do all this uncluttering if you will and really stand in your power I believe we all have a capacity to attract in, you know, a high-quality person By the way Catherine just disappeared everyone. So really quickly. Oh, she's back She's back oops So everyone first off now that Catherine's back, I want to thank you for you know joining us today This has been a real treat to have you on if you want to join the course with me There's a link below to Join the course it starts in a couple days. So check it out I think you'll get a great amount of value from it. Also. I highly recommend checking out the book Calling in the one Which there's a link below to get a copy of this book as well So if you found value in this video, please do me a favor Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel And also if you have some thoughts or you'd like to share just post a comment below I'd like to read them all and also include the link to for you to sign up for the course as well All right, I'm going to sign off this video I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jotham barack of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives and once again I want to thank Catherine for being in the house and what an abrupt ending But I hope you found value from the 40 plus minutes that we're on. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now