 Classic video game characters clash on the big screen as I battle 1993 Super Mario Brothers versus Sonic the Hedgehog on movie feuds Why these films are live-action I'll never fully understand But at least Sonic gets a half right with animating the Hedgehog and supposedly Super Mario Brothers Has an animated film in the works the blue blur voiced by Ben Schwartz is perfectly rendered on the big screen And at this point I'd like to think we're adult enough to move on from the fact that Sonic looked like something out of one Of my worst nightmares in the initial trailers for this film that thing is horrendous I want to kill it Schwartz has a high-energy attitude which works great with the speedy alien joining him is actor James I was treated very poorly in the X-Men franchise Marston. He plays Tom aka the Donut Lord who is so bored He is often seen talking to himself or other animal passerbys rounding out the leads is Jim Kerry Who has always commands the screen whenever he's present his version of dr. Robotnik may be slimmer in the waist But is larger than life personality more than makes up for it We get a few more video game characters for very minimal screen time a pack of a kidnase hunts Sonic early in the picture And we see tails pop by right as the film's ending just drops in the focus wisely stays with Sonic for the most part And why the film does have some nods to the games It doesn't feel the need to throw them out there every five or so minutes the Super Mario Brothers movie By contrast constantly name drops bad guys and allies from the series make no mistake though None of them are even remotely accurate remember those fat fish on the water levels that would pop up eat Mario in one swift gulp Believe the name was big Bertha. That's now a heavy set black woman plumps those gray things that crush Mario That that's now a word on the side of a building. It's it's like a store I guess toad is a burnout hippie that well, you know what that one is actually that one's actually accurate Yoshi looks like a reject from Jurassic Park who is at one point stabbed in the face because it's later on the audience is already very Desensitized by some of these types of acts they've seen an old woman get thrown off the side of a bridge King Koopa Attempting to seduce a princess with locker room talk, and then of course there's our protagonist Mario threatening to kill anyone who crosses him It's for kids speaking of Mario Bob Hoskins takes up the plunger alongside John Liguizamo as his brother Luigi I think we all are familiar with Mario at this point in our lives the pleasantly plump plumber Who is willing to cross fire and brimstone to save the day is cheerful? He's joyous. He has some funny expressions like let's go and it's a me Mario And I want to murder you and I hate this place gotta hate Brooklyn That's right. Bob Hoskins takes things in a different direction. He's a he's a he's an angry gritty Kind of burned out plumber who's down on his luck Doesn't really he's too old for all this noise doesn't want to really do anything Liguizamo fares better as Luigi. He's he's more upbeat Positive he seems like a hero people can rally behind and actually stop King Koopa King Koopa played by Dennis Hopper Looks like a guy who has a bridge to sell you He's kind of a sleazy business tycoon of sorts and you only see him take dinosaur form for maybe 10 seconds and come to think Of it, I don't think Bowser was technically even a dinosaur, but some sort of anthropomorphic turtle But I don't think anybody that was involved with this film even knew Mario was a video game So for starters Mario and Luigi are in a swapped color palette for a majority of the film Luigi's wearing red Mario's in like a grayish-green and you only get maybe 15 minutes of them in their iconic outfits no saving the princess in a castle here either instead. We have Daisy Aka budget peach. She's played by Samantha Mathis an actress I'm convinced only made it in the industry because of a relative the goombas are now giant freaks of nature instead of little brown Craps to jump on so they got nothing right, but hey at least there's a roomful of hookers who are pretending to have other occupations It's for kids You'll notice I spent more time talking about Mario in round one than I did Sonic and that's for two reasons one I already did a sonic movie feud against detective Pikachu So if you haven't subscribed yet feel free to do that now I have hundreds of movie feuds episodes along with other content to perhaps move the needle for you Secondly, even though I personally think Sonic is a far better movie It's also a far more predictable and by the numbers affair the Mario film is so insane It's hard not to talk about it be that as it may I want to talk about the sonic storyline quickly So we can get out of the way the film opens getting to know Sonic a bit We see his incredible sense of speed and the danger that power represents both to others But mostly himself as some outsiders want to harness the ability for themselves Giant I will give Sonic a bag of magic rings and he bounces faster than the Dreamcast sales figures It's the that wound still fresh for me I was I was a Sega supporter with Sonic's owl friend presumably being speared to death and our blue buddy a long way from home He's on his own now that is until he meets Tom the sheriff of Green Hill That's the name of the small town. He occupies and a large wing to the audience Unfortunately for Tom Sonic had a bit of a hissy fit the night before which triggered an EMP burst that caught the attention of the government Enter dr. Robotnik and plenty of shenanigans as our leads take to the road in a cross-country trip to retrieve Sonic's rings and thwart the authorities Sonic seems to be able to run faster than light itself So you would assume he could just run there and back at the time It takes a drink a cup of coffee get those rings in a little afternoon, but this isn't about the destination That's about the journey at the end of the day. It's really an adventure a sonic adventure. You could say The Super Mario Brothers movie is like Ghostbusters Blade Runner Mad Max and of course Pluto Nash all mixed together How could you possibly make that work? Well for starters you hire the dynamic duo behind the movie Max Headroom It also helps if Nintendo gives you full creative control and doesn't seem bothered that the lead character in your film Doesn't even know who Mario is the film opens with one of the worst animations I've seen since Titanic the legend goes on. That's a real thing We're told that dinosaurs only mostly went the way of themselves the ones that didn't bite the dust survived in another dimension Accessible via Brooklyn dig site. I mean, I don't really know I just I just rewatched this and I'm not really sure that is what's happening But the whole thing's nonsense. Anyways, the secret world is ruled by King Koopa He's never mentioned as Bowser, but I believe they're one of the same kind of like eggman and dr. Robotnik The inhabitants are evolved dinosaur people that can be De-evolved if they step out of line by some wild tech Koopa has at his disposal The goal I think is for Koopa to merge the world's back so he can rule over everyone The only way to accomplish his goal is to find Princess Daisy and have her use a special meteor fragment to blah blah blah the whole thing's Dumb as hell the Mario Brothers get mixed up in all of this because Luigi let her use a pay phone earlier in the day Eventually she gets kidnapped and the plumbers need to unclog this mess before you know what no I don't need to come up with plumbing euphemisms all the time. We can just tell this normally so much more happens But it's just mentally exhausting trying to talk through it Dennis Hopper uses a super scope to turn a businessman into a monkey and everyone laughs at the situation And that's with like five minutes left in the movie. Let's talk about production Sonic the Hedgehog is everything you come to expect from a big-budget family flick in 2020 Chris, high-def visuals, some great sound design featuring the classic Sega mascots hits, a couple of really sweet slow-motion sequences Full of silly antics and Tom Fulery Tom Fulery doubles as a pun because it's an old person's expression But also Tom is one of the lead protagonists and he also gets into a lot of goofy situations The best jokes are ones that you need to explain my biggest criticism with the flick would be how by the books It is there is nothing new here in terms of visual effects or creativity We've seen the slow-motion stuff in X-Men and other superhero properties We've seen the buddy road trip format many times over and the whole fish out of water premise is very played out Jim Carrey can be a bit much for some not for me. I'm happy to see him in his old form again But as I've said, it's all very formulaic. This is me doing formulas or something I don't know just just keep watching please It's not a bad thing But I hope the sequel takes things a bit further and this is where some would put praise on the Super Mario Bros. Movie as it's definitely its own unique thing That said I could take a crap in a box decorate it with glitter and sparkles and light the thing on fire Pretending it's the Legend of Zelda movie. Now. Is it what you were expecting? Of course not. Was it different? Yeah, absolutely. Does that make it good? No, not at all. You could talk about it But at the end of the day that's that's not what that property deserved and that's where this Mario movie falls for me It's obvious the directors had no intention of making a video game based film They just shoehorn that stuff into their passion project. They pulled a doki-doki panic on us Mario 2 style They rebranded one thing into another it's 10 cloverfield Lane, but bad I already mentioned that janky fugly animation they put at the beginning of the movie It seemed like something that was last-minute hail married into the picture But then there's the sets that are all dark damn kind of strippery and definitely has that 90s stank all over it There's a scene in an elevator where Mario Mario and Luigi Mario Yes, those are the real first and last names make a bunch of goombas dance to the music seems like it would have been a perfect Opportunity to oh, I don't know put in a Mario theme song Hell I would have been happy if they put in any Nintendo property song, but instead it's just some generic crap Why there is a fungus turd that slowly drops from the ceiling and I think that perfectly encapsulates my thoughts on this picture I'm old enough to say that I saw Super Mario Brothers in theaters sadly as a kid I liked pretty much everything so it took an awful bad film to really disappoint me to really cut me deep Shrek Not only was it nothing like the video game It was a joyless colorless emotionless affair that had no business being on the big screen now I know there are people out there that happen to enjoy this thing and I have to imagine It's not for the reasons we enjoy actual good movies But because it's like a memable and just really bad to the point where it's like watching a car accident You know you just you're interested in how it could get everything so badly If I'm wrong though, and you like it because you genuinely think it's a good film Well, then you're part of the 20% that voted for this thing the other 80% enjoyed the familiar But at least competent Sonic the Hedgehog had the original Sanic design stayed intact. Well, we might have a closer ballgame But as it stands the blue blur takes the win It might be the first time he's beaten Mario at anything And now that I've triggered fans on both sides of the video game coin Let me remind you to like the video and subscribe if you haven't I put out content. It's it's decent It's it's it's worthy of a subscription I think and I also want to let you know this is more than just reviews. This is movie feuds now I will I will leave you with with a scene that has been waiting 27 years to wrap up The teaser to Super Mario Brothers 2 Take it away Daisy I believe