 Well, back outside again, it's a pretty nice day warming up in Las Vegas, but I've been gone for two weeks, haven't made a new video, and I would feel remiss if I didn't start out by saying what I did during my mental health break, especially because I've made so many videos about YouTubers taking mental health breaks. I'm like, I wish they would talk about what they did during their mental health break. So that is what I am fitting to do. But first, I gotta tell you a little story about how I ended up crying in the middle of an airport in Orlando. What is up, everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And if you're new to my channel, welcome. My channel is about mental health, and I'm here to try to help you improve your mental and emotional well-being while telling you how I'm trying to improve mine. So if you're new to that stuff, make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell. So, yeah, I have some notes written down on my phone, so I might be checking down. But yeah, I want to start out. Basically, there's no reason to recap everything. But when all of this kind of reached its peak, I was actually in Orlando at Playlist Live, so that was a whole other factor to it, being across the country at my first real YouTube conference and everything just coming to one head. And yeah, you guys saw the last videos I made and everything like that. That was actually at Matt's house. And yeah, so just everything was piling on and piling on and piling on and piling on. And anyways, I go to the airport. Matt actually dropped me off two hours early, right? And I went, grabbed a little bite to eat. The restaurant had a little vegetarian burger, so that was cool. And yeah, the line was insane. Absolutely insane. I got into the security line about an hour, a little over an hour before my flight like left. And oh my God, it took so long. And my anxiety is building and building and building and building. I'm like, I need to catch this flight. I need to catch this flight. It's barely moving. And I finally get up to the front and it's just one of those things where like I talked to like the first TSA agent. I'm like, yo, I might miss my flight. Like, is there any way because like when I finally got there, I'm like, is there any way you can, you know, phone via the gate and let them know like I'm coming like, I'll be there in a second. And they just looked at me. They're like, uh, right. So I go to the next TSA agent, the one where you do like the little x-ray scan and this whole thing. And oh, yeah, I just remembered. So I forgot my wallet in my pocket. And, um, and yeah, so they saw something in my pocket. I took out my wallet. They didn't, they did like a full like pat down and they're like, Oh, do you care? Like, Oh, they don't say, do you care? Because I have to do it. But like, I'm going to have to go down to the side like this and then inside like that and do some of this and go under there. And I'm like, okay, okay, okay, do it. Do it. First, just do your, do your thing. Right. And then like, I asked him if he can call the, the, uh, the gate and he had no idea. So then like a manager comes over because I had to check one more thing, brings me over to another guy. He checks it, clears it. And then this guy has to frisk me too. I'm like, Oh Lord. So he starts saying, okay, I'm going to have to go like, I'm like, let's do it. Just do whatever you have to do. And yeah, so I ended up hustling to the gate. My chunky butt was running over there and I missed the flight, but like five minutes and yeah, just everything, everything. It was just like it built up and built up and built up and I missed that flight and I just, hey, my channel's here to get vulnerable. I broke down in tears. Like I have not cried in years and just everything blew up. And I'm like, it was, it was a mess. And I ended up, getting a hotel for the night. They put me on another flight in the morning and I'm like, that was all right. But like that, that's kind of the peak of what happened. And I ended up getting back to Las Vegas, seeing my beautiful girlfriend Tristan and it was time to start this mental health break. And I want to talk to you guys about some of the things I did and all of that. At first, it was extremely hard. It was so, so hard. Like one of the reasons I work so much is because I'm constantly doing, if I'm not doing something, I feel like I'm being useless and not producing anything, like any kind of productivity, but I had to do that. Like I absolutely had to. So I had to kind of make a plan for a plan of action. So one thing that I did was I messaged my therapist through the app and I just let her know. I said, yo, like you and me, we're going to be on a journey together. And I said, hey, I wanted to do certain things. So I wanted to let her know that I was going to be checking in with her for accountability on a daily basis. And towards the end of this video, I'll tell you like some other stuff that she suggested. But I told her, I was like, I want to check in with you daily, just let you know how I'm doing. I'm like, you don't even got to message me back because we do a call like once a week. And I was like, I'm just going to message you just for accountability. Let you know how I'm doing. But on top of that too, I busted out my journal too. And when all this stuff happened in Orlando, like when I was at the airport and missed my flight, I was going through there. And I went to like the little newsstand. I was like, I need a notebook. I need to get these thoughts out of my head. I need to write down you know, everything, right? And the little newsstand didn't have a notebook, but they have like a Harry Potter world thing in there. So I ended up getting like a $30 Hogwarts notebook. Pretty sweet. But yeah, so I started journaling on the daily and just really getting into that because like when my thoughts, when all that rumination just stays locked up here, like I go nuts. So I was messaging my therapist. I started, you know, journaling and something that was really helpful to me too was like, I had to get off social media. I had to like had to, had to, had to, had to. So I actually, I signed up for the mailing list for Ryan Holiday. I've mentioned him on the channel before. He wrote two amazing books. He's won't written more books than that, but two amazing books. One of them was Ego is the Enemy and the other one that I read right after that was The Obstacle is the Way. So this dude reads a ton. So I signed up for his mailing list where he like recommends books. And one of the first books on his list for this month was called Digital Minimalism, right? And I'm just like, whatever. I'm like, I need to read it. And I was reluctant to read it because I'm a YouTuber. I'm on social media. This is what I do. This is my job. This is my livelihood. Like how am I supposed to be minimal with social media? And if any of you are overwhelmed by social media, I cannot recommend this book enough. Also, if you want me to dive deeper into the subject of digital minimalism, let me know down in the comments because I'm probably going to make a video diving a little bit more in depth and talking about the idea behind it and all the things that the author talks about in it. But yeah, first thing I did was I deleted all of the social media apps off my phone. I got rid of YouTube. I got rid of the YouTube like studio app where you check like comments and stats and everything like that. Boom, gone. I deleted Facebook. I deleted Facebook Messenger. I deleted Twitter. I deleted Instagram. I got it all off my phone because part of what I realized is I'm way too interactive. It became like this 24-hour thing, just checking, checking, checking. And I always prided myself in that, but there's some things that I definitely had to change. So I had to get rid of all of that. And they talk about in the book like this kind of detox period. And like that was difficult, man. Like I kept noticing bringing up my phone, bringing up my phone to check for alerts and messages and all these other things. And I would like open up my phone and you know, I'd be like, oh wait, there's nothing there. And you know, it allowed me to just be present and just start embracing life again. And like now it's like not an issue. So two apps that I'll recommend, by the way, hashtag not sponsored. One of them I downloaded is called the Moment app. I can't remember if it was free or not. But anyways, the Moment app, it tracks like your screen time, your app usage and everything like that. And when I talk about mindfulness, sometimes you need tools to help you be mindful. So like for me, I tweaked the settings in there. So you know, my goal is to pick up my phone less than 40 times a day, right? And part of what I've done is I've scheduled times to check my phone, right? Check text messages, return calls, you know, everything like that. I've set time. So the Moment app helps me like kind of keep track of that. It also says how much screen time you've been using. So like on average, I think they said like most people are checking their phone like well over 100 times a day. So I thought 40 was a pretty good goal. And the last two weeks, I've been under that every single time and it feels pretty nice. The other app that I just installed was the Freedom app. That one I think I paid 30 bucks for a year, something like that. But anyways, that's another app that was recommended in digital minimalism. And that one, I didn't want to have to get it. I did not want to have to get that that app because it's an app that it also installs on your computer and it blocks websites from you for certain times, right? You could block it completely or you can give yourself increments. And like I had to limit myself. I really did, you know, because, you know, after a week of no social media at all, I started kind of integrating back into the mode with even though I wasn't uploading YouTube videos, I still had, you know, people to talk to, um, like things that I'm working on that you'll find out about soon and all of that. And, uh, and yeah, like I, I don't know, I'm a glutton for punishment. I'm like, Oh, what are people saying? I'm like, ah, it was almost like, it was almost like, you know, like in those videos or those movies where it's like the apocalypse, right? And they're like in a bunker for like ever and then they're just like, okay, let's see what's going on outside and everything is still like a hot mess. Like that's what happened. I'm like, Oh snap. This is still not good for me. So I ended up having to, um, I didn't have to, I chose to buy a year of the freedom app to limit my time. And I've set it up for, you know, limiting my access to about 15 minutes per day. And that might change in the future. But if any of you are realizing that social media is kind of taking control of your life, definitely check out that book and think about those apps. I know, um, I saw Swoop just did a video about the Casey Neistat video where they were talking about deleting social media. I haven't watched Casey's yet, but it seems like it's becoming more of an issue for YouTubers and influencers and stuff like that. But the book at the very end, spoiler alert, they actually have a chapter about that, like if you are in the industry. So anyways, aside from that, um, I really had to get back involved in 12 step meetings, like full transparency. I've been going, I've been going, but I haven't been like in it, right? I've been going to meetings and listening and stuff like that. When Tristan and I moved to the new side of town, I found 12 step meetings, you know, that I kind of liked and stuff like that. But my original sponsor told me like big book studies were where it's at. And by the way, I'm not affiliated or, you know, promoting or anything. It's just what I do for my recovery. I'm not like part of an organization, even though there's not an organization. But anyways, um, I went out to try to find a big book study and I found a couple. I drove to different parts of town and they just were not what I was looking for. And then I found one further away at noon and I've been going to that every single day. And oh my God, it has just felt so good getting back into it. And I love it too, because, you know, I'm a huge believer in support groups and stuff like that. And like being able to open up in there and just like call myself out on stuff and just be completely honest about everything and being in a room of people where like, they get it. Like they, they get the kind of craziness that goes on in my head. And, you know, being able to open up about how I haven't been like in the program, like, like the way I should be, you know what I mean? And being able to talk about that and talk about how I have over six and a half years sober and things get rough, life can become unmanageable again. And I need to get back into it. And like, so I found this meeting and it's at 12 o'clock every single day at noon. And like, I love it. And like, I'm so committed to this as part of my like, you know, um, working on my mental health even more, that I've made a commitment to just go to that meeting regardless of how far it is, right? But being in that meeting too because like, I'm all about, you know, I promote, you know, like accountability and self-awareness and things like that. And that's initially where I got it from. And really diving back into the meetings, it's helped me reflect even more on what's been going on. I'm just sitting in meetings, just constantly having these aha moments and getting clarity about these missteps that I've taken on my, on my YouTube journey. And I'm like, oh my God, because you kind of get into a mode where you go on autopilot, right? And then, and then your things just kind of like, it's, it's kind of like insidious, right? It just kind of like builds up slowly and sneakily, right? And just being in the meetings again, like, it just kind of like, I'm like, oh my God. So there's a lot of places where I screwed up. And as I was continuing to have these aha moments, I'm like, you know what, Chris, you need to get your ass a sponsor, right? So I have a therapist, but I'm like, I need to get a sponsor again. And I was sitting there, you know, going to meetings, sharing in meetings and everything like that, not hearing anybody I really connected with. And then one day, one day there was this dude there in the corner, and it wasn't really like saying anything or like, I was just like, oh, is this guy new or what is he? But anyways, he, he opened up and he shared and like, this dude was just dropping truth, speaking my language. I was just like, dang. And, and he actually had to leave early from the meeting. And I, I followed the dude out. I'm like, Hey, man, can I get your number so I can hit you up later? And like, I hit him up. And it takes a lot of humility. I know a lot of people trying to get involved in 12 step meetings, like they're afraid to ask for a sponsor. Nobody likes asking for help and things like that. And I'm just, I ended up like calling him later, called him a Texan, I can't remember. I'm like, yeah, man, I said, I'm six and a half years sober. I haven't thought about drinking or using that's something else I'll touch on in a second. But I was like, I need a sponsor and you sound like you know what you're talking about, right? He's like, okay, cool, call me every day, right? And that's something I remember when I first came in, like, I was like, I'm not calling anybody every single day, you know? And I was like, yep, I was like, okay, man, I'll do it. And then I talked to him and he asked me like, what step I'm on. I said, dude, I want to start back at the beginning. I want to get back to the very beginning. Like part of like this journey I'm on, I'm like trying to learn and grow. It's like about humility and bringing myself back down, right? Like, like, I need to start back at the basics, you know? So I told him that. And so I've been calling him every single day. And we're hopefully going to get started back on step one. But anyways, anyways, let me touch on this real quick. For all of you people in recovery out there, like, let me tell you this, during the like, this is the most difficult time the past few weeks has been the most difficult I've had in years, like literally years. And the idea of drinking and use or using has not even crossed my mind. Like, and that is something I'm really, really happy about. And I hope any of you who are early in recovery or if you're still struggling with addiction, like, I hope that gives you a little bit of hope. You know, like, I used to obsess about drinking or using over every little thing. And this is one of the most craziest things I've ever dealt with in my entire life. And alcohol and drugs didn't even come up in my mind as a solution, right? And like, that's a beautiful thing. If you're an addict like me, like, that is a beautiful thing. So I hope any of you out there struggling or you're in your early recovery, like, please remember that and go get connected because I'm not the only one who shares that. Like, but I need to share stuff like that for other people who are early in their recovery. And they're like, how am I going to get through this? Like something that helped keep me clean in the beginning was hearing all the stuff that people went through. And they stayed clean regardless. But even when they were like, oh, I haven't even thought about drinking or using, I'm like, yo, how do I get me some of that? So there is hope out there. So, aside from therapy, journaling, reading, getting off social media, going to 12-step meetings, I've also been playing a lot of video games. Like, to fill my time, I've been playing a ton of video games connecting back with my friends. I actually wasn't even playing that many video games like during the whole like, you know, YouTube and social media grind thing. Like, a lot of my friends are like, yo, well, yo, man, I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm busy. So it was nice to reconnect with my friends. Like, my real friends, I even went to a poker night with some buddies who I haven't seen in just years. It was crazy how they planned that. So it was great doing that. If you're wondering which video games I've been playing a ton of Apex Legends. Love that game. Been playing some Fortnite with my son. Tristan picked up a little, a little, God, I keep saying it wrong. What is it? Embroidery kick? Embroidery, I think it was. Like, she was like, I'm going to start doing this. I'm like, you know what? I'm going to do that too. Cause I love listening to audio books and I needed something to do. So I went down to the local bookstore and got a coloring book, an adult coloring book. I couldn't find them, but then I found them. And yeah, I got a Bob's Burgers coloring book. So it's like, she's doing a little embroidery thing. I'll just listen to an audio book and, you know, just start coloring, getting my color on baby. And that's been very good too. Like, so part of this mental health break is, is finding ways to fill those gaps of time. Right? Like, what am I going to do during those gaps? And I found a lot of things to do. And the other thing I've been doing to fill those gaps a ton is, um, talking to my support group, a ton, a ton, a ton, a ton. So I have like my friends, you know, who have known me forever, my friends who I got sober with, you know, obviously Tristan, even my, my son's mom, my amazing mom, um, and a lot of other creators. And I want to take a second to thank all of you, like all of you who have emailed me, like, thank you. Thank you so much. Like, that's awesome. And it's, it's just made me, there's been times like during my mental health break when I would just go on a rant to Tristan. I'm like, I want to go back. I just want to start making videos and helping people again. All right. But you guys like sending me your emails and stuff. Like some people were like, afraid I was going to leave forever. Uh-uh, I ain't going nowhere, baby. But thank you for reaching out to me and checking in on me. But yeah, a lot of other creators too, some mentors and things like that, um, talking to me for hours and just, I don't know, just seeing how I'm doing. And even though I haven't been watching any of the hate videos about me, letting me know about the hate videos about me, which try not to do. If you have a friend who's a creator taking a YouTube break, don't do that. Um, because I was like trying to limit that. But, but yeah, like support group has been huge. Right. So what am I doing? What am I doing now? Um, Zach uploaded that video for me. He texted me. He's like, Hey man, had this video and all that stuff happened. So he's like, you want to, you want to upload it? I'm like, yeah, just make sure you toss in a clip. Let him know that, let him know that, you know, it's not me. This was pre-recorded. So he uploaded that. Hope you guys enjoyed it for all of you who enjoyed the umbrella academy. But yeah, what's coming up, what's coming up with that channel? Um, I have a brain that doesn't stop going. So I have a lot of stuff, uh, written down a ton of stuff that I really think you guys are gonna like. Um, I've done a few interviews lately. Uh, one of them is going to be on Paul Gross, closest channel at the time this is uploaded. I don't know if his is uploaded yet, but go check it out. Um, he asked me some, he's rough. He's pretty brutal for a little 16 year old. I thought he was going to take it easy on me, but he didn't. Um, so, so yeah, check that out. Um, I also had the honor of talking with Dr. Todd Grande, because one of my missions moving forward with the channel is realizing where the places where I screwed up, what I can do better, you know, and, and part of that's going to be being involved with people who have more experience than me, right? Like in the mental health field. So look out for that. That'll be uploaded tomorrow, I believe Tuesday. Um, Dr. Todd Grande, he, he helped like we recorded this past week. He helped open my eyes to some things that I didn't even realize was going on as well as some other people. Um, just showing me and letting me know and things like that. So I think that's going to help me with the future of the channel. Um, like I mentioned in one of my last videos, not only stepping away, um, from certain topics, but I am just, I'm just dodging YouTuber topics like the matrix for a while. Did you guys like my matrix impression, by the way? Uh, some people over there are looking at me funny. But anyways, so yeah, but, uh, again, movies, TV shows, stuff like that. I've been really, really into philosophy lately. Like if any of you are like philosophy nerds, like I, I finally, I started binge watching crash course philosophy on YouTube. It's given me so many ideas like philosophy and mental health. Like they tie in together so, so, so much. So I have a lot of videos planned around that. Um, because just a lot of, a lot of mental health struggles that we struggle with just things like, you know, getting angry or sad or lonely or, you know, upset and relationship issues. A lot of it has to do with, you know, at least in my experience, a lot of, um, these beliefs that we have and these ideas that we absolutely hold on to. So like philosophy, I don't know what it is, but like reading or watching videos about philosophy, just like it's helped calm me down. I don't know why that is. When I figured out, I might make a video about it. So I'm going to intertwine some philosophy. If any of you have watched the show afterlife on Netflix, uh, try to not binge watch that. It's only six episodes. Go check it out. Um, trigger warning, like if you, if you're in a bad place, you may not want to watch it, but anyways, and I'll put trigger warnings, but I, I want to dive deep into that show. I think I wrote down like, meh, maybe four or five video ideas. So yeah, I'm really excited to talk about that show. Ricky Gervais, he, he wrote this, I believe he wrote it. He started in it. I don't know if he directed it too, but awesome, awesome, awesome show and so many great topics. So I'm going to dive into that. Um, I finally watched at least the first episode of crazy ex girlfriend. So I'm going to talk about that. Uh, the last thing to, uh, what I wanted to do during this time too, I enrolled, um, to get certified as a life coach and I'm going to be a certified mental health coach. So I just finished, um, a five day like kind of intensive course, but I should have my certification in the next month or two. And that, I've gained a lot of knowledge in that on how to help more people. And I made a post on Twitter as well as my community tab. Like I'm in a class with eight other amazing, amazing people. I love those people like just men and women, um, who are becoming life coaches and part of, part of the training is free sessions. We got to give sessions and get training and stuff like that. Um, I also posted on my Patreon, but anyways, like, uh, people are specializing in niches, like, like if you need, like, you know, help with, you know, your career relationships, major transitions in your life. Um, some people are specializing in like parenting, all sorts of stuff. I'm going to put together a form and try to match you up with the right people. But anyways, like if you want free coaching for, I don't know, like they, they might do one session with you. We might do one session, maybe like four or five sessions depends on what it is, but we need hours, right? To get, um, fully certified. Anyways, if you're down with that, let me know down in the comments or just follow me on social media and follow me on my, uh, the community tab. I'll be posting and let you letting you know more information about that. But anyways, there's a ton, a ton, a ton of video ideas because my brain never stops. I have like a notepad like, like that with ideas. And, and yeah, you're going to see some changes in this channel, not, not necessarily a channel, but changes in me. All right. Changes in me. Like if I'm staying away from YouTuber stuff for a long time, um, but you're going to, you're going to see changes and, you know, something that keeps coming up, working with my therapist, working with my sponsor, getting coached by other people, something that keeps coming up, you know, is like, what's your goal? Like what, what's the outcome that you're looking for? Right? Like Chris, what do you want out of this? Right? And I, and every time the same thing that comes up is, I just want to help people. Like that's it. That is it. That is just what I found my life purpose to be is just help people. So my promise to all of you is just I am laser focused on, on pumping out content while maintaining my mental health to help people. All right. So for all of you who have stuck around, like all of the other noise, it has been blocked out, whether it's through apps or whatever it is, I am just so done with everything else outside of here. And I am dedicated 1000% to helping each and every one of you in whatever way I can, providing resources and things like that. But I'm going to make videos that are dedicated to helping each and every one of you. All right. But I've been through this before, like this in hindsight, like this situation is nothing compared to what I've been through in my life. Right? So I've rebuilt before. And the one thing that I do know from experience is that people don't forgive you overnight. And that's not my expectation of any of it. And actions speak louder than words. It's going to take a while. Right? I've talked to my therapist and, you know, other people, I'm like, I know, I know I'm in for another month, two months, maybe six months of people just, you know, still not liking me. And that's cool because I am focused on each and every one of you who hits play on a video and is looking for a way to improve your mental and emotional wellbeing while I am doing the same. So I'm going to talk about, you know, my journey as well. All right. But anyways, thank you for watching this super, super duper long video. But I'm back, baby. And stay tuned because later this evening, I will be releasing my first afterlife deep dive video. All right. Thanks again, everybody. Love you so much. I'll see you soon.