 I think I've just mentioned the resources. You've probably already seen them all. The new ones that we have, the DVDs are along here and the CDs are along on that bottom shelf and the publications and writings are here. Is everyone familiar with the movie guide? Yes? Yeah? Okay, let's just mark it. These ones are new sets. We've had made up. You may be familiar with some of the CDs but each one has like a five disc set. Two, three audio CDs. A music CD with the music of Christ and a DVD in it so if you want to know any more about any of the content of them just come and ask and I can let you know. I was asked to make them up for the trip to Australia and I just picked the best material that I really resonated with in terms of the quality and the content of them. So these are just really good sets. If you don't have any of the Awakening My Materials then these are really great. What are they? They be talking like the groups? Yeah, the audio CDs, the first two are an interview of David with a couple of David Paul and Candice Doyle who do a lot of workshops for helping people get in touch with hearing Holy Spirit and so it was a two hour interview asking a lot of questions about what's it like to be the voice for Holy Spirit and sort of his part and how that came to be. They have a large readership so they basically ask the readership to send in questions and then out of all those questions they said let's pick the best questions or the ones that we feel like we would most want to be answered so that's what they asked. Those kind of did not. They had them all laid out for themselves and they just kind of asked them one after the next. It's really clear. You can listen to it over and over. There's just so much in it. Beyond the Yuck was a compilation of gatherings, that one. So again, just lots of questions that people were asking. That's a last one I think. Yeah, CDs. Yeah, it's actually a three CD set but I just put the first one in here. And the DVD was in San Pedro. It's another DVD just again, lots of laughter and great questions. It's nice to hear the witnesses. Like I remember, oh yeah, San Pedro. I had a lot of fun with that one back in 2004. And recently we were contacted by this man, a friend of mine named Kelly Love that when Kirsten and Jason get back they're going to be going to North Carolina to meet with Kelly and his group. And it's the first Course in Miracles group in the history of mankind. It was in North Carolina. Basically, Judy Skutch went through there and they said, let's get a group. Let's have a study group. And so thus was the first Course in Miracles study group. So don't be going speaking to this ancient group that started by Miami years ago. But anyway, Kelly, he was the first voice of the course. He was the first one to ask to record the course onto cassette tapes. So people who sometimes had problems with reading or just people who like to hear it more in an inventory way. He was the first one that recorded it. And apparently he wrote or called, or I forget how, I think he wrote, on the phone and said that basically his wife, all these years he's been a Course in Miracles student talking about when one's a student and the other isn't. But here's Kelly, who was the original voice of the course who's been in the course for many, many years, decades. And his wife is not a Course in Miracles student. And he said, they watched the San Pedro DVD together. She said, I think I want to study that book of yours. And for all these years watching that DVD I said, oh, thank you. That's very inspirational to know, but it got used in that way. So she's watched him for 25 years or more. And now this was like, okay, I think I'll... That was my pick. I just picked one DVD to make the first scene. That's the one. Yeah, it's really inspiring. And all the angel music, Rista, who David mentioned, she had over 200 songs come through. And I made up, I think, three or four different compilations with a theme. So this theme I just pulled from that 200-odd songs, just the songs that are just about God's love, the changeless love. So it's a beautiful meditation. Oh, a compilation. DVD's other. It's a CD. That's a music CD. That's a CD. That's a DVD. That's a CD. Yeah. All right. So there's one DVD, a music CD, and three audio CDs. And then the second one that we just had made up with a very happy smile. The first two... Oh, that's the other music CD. I don't know which one of them. Dental Awakening. So those songs were all about waking up. And this two CD set was the Atonement Talks. That was at the Last Course in Miracles Conference. The topic that David spoke on was Atonement. So they're great. It's all about... There's a metaphysical talk, and a transparatory talk. They're both pretty cool. Address is everybody in the conference if they have any particular block or whatever. Yeah. They're great. And you leave the first one off getting everyone to sing a song for everyone in the conference. I'm the holy child of God in heaven. It's a song that he wrote, I'm the holy child of God in heaven. I'm the holy light that shines always, walking through this world in perfect safety. From darkness and from fear, I know I'll raise. And then the chorus is, I'm so happy. Imagine. 500... I don't know how many it was. 200, 300, however many we had there is harmonizing. I'm so happy. After they're singing, I'm the holy child of God in heaven. They sang it from the top of their lungs. Perfect. Yeah, they loved it. I've got a little bit of a bebop, hip-hop rap beat to it and a little bit of this oriental playing in there. Really quite a fascinating song. How'd you got it? Yeah. We can play it for everybody. Yeah. That might be a nice way to start our session. Yeah. Yeah. That's where Kristen Finch is here. Holy Spirit Spiel. Also that one, too, with the automotox, there's tons of great parables of like, that are just perfectly applicable to, you know, how it works. Just great stories. People need to enter it. They're like looking for an example and it was just, there's a real connectedness in that session. Yeah. I think there's no control over the world. It talks on the serenity prayer, which is just fantastic. It's all in a nutshell. All in one CD. Yeah. And then Joy, that's a Colton gathering. I called it Joy and Clarity, a gathering in Colton, because it's just, there's so much joy in this gathering. You're singing, too. There's this of course miracle group that sings regularly, like you would go to a church service. They're singing their joy at the beginning. That's it. Yeah. And you kind of, in that gathering, just went through, somehow it was just all laid out, really clearly, just through metaphysics. I just remember it was like, okay, step one, step two, step three, step four, it was like, just really, clearly all laid out. All right, that's going through sets. Everything's on a donation basis, so there are little cards there with suggestions, but, um, yep, it's over. You said this is the best one. They're both really good. That was the first one I made up, and then that was the second, like part one, part two. Which would be sent with bits of bits below? Part one, yeah. Yeah. And then these magazines were, um, offering Raj in Australia, who organizes all of the gatherings. They've put out this journal, um, quarterly. I think it's quarterly. I'm not sure. Quarterly. And, uh, they, uh, they were the editors, Raj and Sue's for years, and, um, recently they've been, having a guest editor come in, and basically they've said, pick your topic, and provide us with the material, and it's, and then they, they professionalize it all, and do what they do. So there's lots of writings in there that Jason did one, David wrote one, and Divine Providence, that was the theme. So, yeah, that's there, if you want to click through. And again, they're on a donation basis too. They have a suggestion of a price, but they gave us a bunch of those, so. Kind of an international group, who's Sylvia had one in there. Gary Rinarna has come to write an article, he wrote an article in there, and you'll probably see Sylvia here at one of these visits, because this, this year, she's from, let's see a photograph of her there, but she's from, uh, Columbia, and she does a lot of meditations, and she's very devoted, she's talking a lot about Australia this time. Before I left, she kept saying, I kept hearing Australia, Australia, so. Because I think somebody was asking too, they said, are you coming here annually? And I said, well, I think of our messenger's group, there probably will be, uh, one or two or three or so, coming probably on a, on a regular basis, as the, as the call comes in, we just go wherever we're guided, and so. And now one of our, and Russell's starting the piece, have us in Newcastle? Yeah, around Newcastle. Can I speak to that? I, um, we're, we're very, very fortunate that Raj and Australia are so generous, because with the amount of support that we can manage to rustle up in, in New Zealand, we couldn't afford to pay the international airfield and, and run a retreat without piggybacking on the Australian trip. Um, so with Raj's generosity and, if you'd thank him for us. Actually, you and me, I got it going though. Yeah, we, yeah, it's true. They piggybacked on you. That was the first place. Yeah, this is true. So there was reciprocity there, wasn't there? So we're very fortunate, and I think, um, after this retreat, if you can talk to everybody you know who could be interested for next year, um, and, uh, maybe get them to contact me. I'll put them on the list. Tell them how, you know, that if we really want this to happen manually, we, we are devoted. We're a devoted group. We want to awaken. And if anybody would like to join us, we'd love to see them. That would be tremendous. And it just means that we, we can keep getting these guys back to help them up here. Because it's such a blessing to have them here. So wonderful. Yeah, it comes in different ways, too, if you know somebody who even has frequent flour miles. That's how it started for me. I just went around all around the United States and Canada for quite a number of years, just by car, basically. Very, going very spontaneously. And then in 2003, I met this man named David who, who had won a prize. He was a world traveler and, and he enjoyed traveling around the world, but he also collected frequent flour miles and he was on this trip and it was like Latin American airlines were having a contest that if you flew on these segments, these particular airlines and stated these hotels and resorts and ate these, this food and whatever, you could win the grand prize of a million frequent flour miles. But she did. She won the grand prize, so. So then he had a million frequent flour miles on Latin American airlines and then when I met him two or three days before I met him, we sent these free CDs, Music of Christ, which are people who request them and I put them on the internet on a lot of different mailing lists and groups and some friend from Argentina named Pat Posada basically wrote back and said, oh I live in a far country and I don't think you could afford to send me one of your free CDs but I would love to have one. And so Restor wrote to her and said I'll send you the whole set, like six or seven or whatever. So then Pat wrote back and said so happy to hear that you're coming to Argentina and told me about that and I said, what did you say to her? And she said, I said someday and then two days later I met this man David for the first time and he basically said have you ever thought of going overseas with any of this stuff and I said no, I never even gave it a thought and I don't have one of those things about jiggies that you need and he said passport date. So he said well I I said well we did hit this woman that wrote two days ago and said so happy to hear that you're coming to Argentina and he went Argentina I love Argentina oh I would so much love to go down there and take you along and I can take two of your friends along business class, fly us all down there and he said how would that be? Well, you see I won this contest and I got a million free profiles I had to figure out what to do with and a couple days ago I was praying to God saying I love all over the world to do all these travels but he said I gave the million frequent flyer miles to God and said, you know, these are you to use for your purposes and so then two days later he met me and he said I think this is what they're intended for so he flew four of us, Resta, myself and Kariya and himself down Héccutiva that's what they call Spanish for executive first class so that's how the international travel started first class first class which was good for Resta because when I mentioned earlier I was living kind of a secluded life and she would not have gone coach I was going to do that Héccutiva it was good too for life space for me I was like this international travel was not so bad like Miller Conlon he would be the man you actually have to know this big body yeah so we had fun and Jason is really good to go wherever give me a call Argentina the next the first flyer miles yeah so he's still using no, he had a frequent flyer mile thing that he was waiting to see where the Holy Spirit would use and then they donated a woman who recently visited us bought a person's ticket so that's how they're making it down there to South America it comes in such wonderful ways so this song coming up I know you're ready for it now I'm the Holy Child of God in Heaven the rap hip hop and you'll hear the oriental sounds kind of in there too and then these lyrics that basically come from the course Jacob is a Course American student so he has an inner blue where it's just you can hear he gets into his God voice you know I think you'll enjoy it hip hop and rap Holy World the oldest in a 17th century castle invited me to come they had the translators of all the Scandinavian Course in Miracles books they had a night where it was a talent night they called it where people got up decided poetry sang songs did dances did skits and my friend Anna picked that song out and she was going to get up and I danced to that song and she stood out and everyone was sitting in a circle and she was out there and she said David get up here with me so I get up there and she said everybody so it was like Dick Clark's American Top 40 everybody was out dancing so I'm the Holy Child of God in Heaven but it's just a lot of fun you know when people just relax we were together like we'd been together over the weekend we were together for three or four days people just relax and enjoy meditating and walking and eating together and sharing stories and it's kind of a nice cozy relaxed kind of family in a 17th century castle it was kind of fun 60 people around family of 60 that's where I met Jenny actually Jenny came everybody had pre-registered and come but she broke the rule after it started and she said can I stay and the people said well okay and then they left her stay and she was there for two hours and felt she received everything that she needed and says I was free I could stay I had I used to but I was late and I was not and then tell the story about after two hours you said you told the organizers yeah I felt like I had got everything I came for it was such a message came right into my heart and I just yeah I felt okay I know what I came for so I asked the organizers why they said I feel like to go home I feel like I got what I came for and they said no I think it's the ego it's who wants to leave now and I just maybe they were right because I was pretty new to the course and I didn't really trust my own intuition so I listened to them so I stayed and feel really good I stayed for one day and I thought oh maybe I can go and ask David about this I asked you about I said I got to leave for two hours and they said I should stay and you just said should it's a word you never should use it's the right use of the word should it's the right use of the word in that sense I mean I felt like really nice to be there but I felt a bit confused because I hadn't followed that prompt that I had earlier maybe I need to do it anyway so I went home but all the way home I just talked to myself yes I'm good but I just said to myself you have the permission to go back tomorrow if you want because this was a Saturday and it was one more day and this is a retreat so I just felt very calm and I felt very determined to follow that I had many thoughts in the morning that nobody would ever think to make a back and I was very concerned about what people would think so I realized that I had to be very determined on my self so in the morning I felt yes I want to so I took my car and drew this I'm in the 50 kilometers and that was also a thing because so releasing this I had so many thoughts about environment and I had to use the car only for myself and back and forth and after hearing David saying that nothing is real I was just yes so happy in such a release the morning's old thoughts and ideas you just thanked for the whole course you just thanked for the whole course and finished I stayed for the rest of the course it was the only one day I felt the old feelings when I came because this embarrassment to walk in there in front of everybody to come back and they had breakfast walking and sit down and you just saw me immediately and came thank you for having me and then I said the prodigal daughter has returned and then I had another encounter was a very strange because we sat down together and immediately I got so triggered by him irritated by the way he spoke and he told his story over and over again to different people and a story about the past he had a kind of awakening experience when he was a child and he told the same story I was so irritated it was the first time I met him it was something special with him and my car when I was going to go back after this this course my car broke and he lived like 10 kilometers from me so I had to ask him so he drew my car to a station and we left my car there and I had to go with him to this car did you listen to this car earlier? yeah and this guy such a forgiveness lessons we I thought Navi lived close to you she was saying there's nobody else did you ever hear me to talk to you about these things and I said I think banked I said I think you should be with banked and he said he's a single dad and he has a son and I have a son lots of parallels in there and going on how we triggered him I didn't like it for a retreat because last year I was in the United States for three months and then I returned to Sweden and I felt I had no one to talk to because no one would understand me I felt like I had gone through such a process and I couldn't relate to much of the people I used to and I didn't recognize them almost and so it felt like I had only him and I felt like he isn't I didn't want to be with him but I also thought I have something to look at here so I invited him for a retreat just him and me and that was like a thunderstorm it was like both heaven and hell I needed to just meditate I can't even look at him and I was meditating and he said two meters away from me and he just stared me that was what he did almost all the retreat he was so much onto me he just didn't look in his own mind and he just stared me and suddenly he said after maybe one hour or so he just said do you want to have peace or do you want to be happy he just pointed at me and I was just furious with rage and I just I needed to go and I went out it was in the middle of the night deep in meditation I was in the house and my parents house and they were away so I could use the internet I wrote an email to David this is what he's doing and they would answer for the ego for the ego in this and it was helpful because I could go back and I could just watch and I could and then have some more how long had he been into the cause? he? how long had he been into the cause? the guy he had been I think for 10 years 10 years and what was it that your family didn't like? it was something in his personality it was his way of acting his way of being so much on me instead of that triggered me many times so when love comes together it brings up all this stuff because it feels that love is because love has been born in reality we need somebody to transform it so is it just like how can we have it as well? because when I got into this forgiveness mode and I could be in forgiveness it was so helpful but I had to be very very attentive all the time did you feel you had all too many motives towards you? I think he saw what he had he had a word in us and of course I had to we got into this love relationship so we had a powerful physical powerful encounters but it fleshed up yes yes great because he said exactly he had told him that he would meet his life partner the last spring and it wasn't a name like me but I really stood up for it please stop doing that she read that part of the course and the life partner could be hostile to one another actually no please make it just on that from Dick Lynn's mother and father we were continually fighting it affected her quite badly she was younger but not physically verbally but the first night I went home to see the family they had they had their dining table in what was a pickle angle and they had a full fledged fight in front of me as to who brought the salt in from the kitchen the night before and I stood there and thought what am I getting into what am I getting into incredible and yet they stayed together until Bruce died and I always said that the only thing that helped them together was their argument and their worry because my mother would always rather be right than be happy oh right is being happy is my mother yeah that's a good insight to let go of yeah sometimes you have to have the contrast even throughout history like Mary Baker Eddie she's really known as definitely a contemporary saint who really could heal the sick so to speak reached a beautiful state of lofty state of awareness and her father was this fiery man who believed in fire and brimstone way of God punishing and I saw a picture of him one time he just had like a fire in his eyes so much of her life was a revolt against what she had experienced in him and childhood like she just couldn't believe in her soul that God was that way such a striking contrast that was presented to her in her biological father that kind of the spirit will use contrast at the beginning when you're so addicted to misery and you're so addicted to the ego and you're not even aware of your own addiction to the ego then it seems in the plan that you have to have some wake-up contrast experiences just like the defibrillator when they put an electrical charge to somebody who's hard to stop beating it's kind of a drastic measure but it's like a last-ditch effort you've got to get the heart going again so when the mind gets so mammered and allured and stuck in this world then there seems to be some major contrast experiences Kirsten's talked about her head injuries kind of like excruciating too much for a whack and it doesn't get you the first time another time but it's such a contrast experience that after that you had more of a purpose of facilitating and working with the course because it was just like the old way it wasn't going to serve anymore and that was painful very painful I really liked debilitating too totally worked out I showed myself that my way didn't work in a very graphic way I'm going from really headstrong and stoppy too when your wrists are broken your birds are in a nest open them out feed me it seems that's kind of a very humbling experience when you're used to being independent and doing everything for yourself that's a good example of one of those contrast experiences I'm going from independence to depainment even from intellectual to like my path involves supreme intellectual I figure this out when I'm going to get it and as soon as I understand it I'm done and it's like I need an experience that it doesn't work that way so I went on this trip to Portugal with three kids and their mother and I was just kind of like an uncle hanging out with everyone and we went out swimming to the beach and apparently you're not supposed to swim there but I told one of the younger girls 16 and said don't go too far and she started swimming out I said are you okay? She said yeah I looked again and I'm like are you okay? She said yeah and I tried to come back in and we're out here only 30 meters she started coming and she couldn't make it she said can you come get me I swim up together and I start pushing her in with these waves exerting all of my energy and we're farther out we're getting carried out to sea and all that said all I got enough energy for is to scream so I get my hands out of the water and the mother couldn't hear the waves there was nobody around and I'm like hi I looked at her she looked at me nobody knew we were out there and we were being carried out to sea this is it wow I didn't think I was going to go this way I actually thought that was it and we just kind of like shrugged shoulders and I would start to go under I couldn't breathe anymore I'm like well if I'm going to live it's up to God I can't figure my way out of this and right after that thought as we were heading into the rocks on the other side this surfer comes out of nowhere and picks up her and I on the boards and saves us so right after the thought I can't do this by myself it's like God's name apparently someone far away I'm like a lighthouse had seen my arms waving and had called out to one of the surfers and picked us up and it was a transformational experience of like surrender to the intellectual way and I waited on each for like 5 hours thank you God yeah that's a powerful experience it sets you in a whole new direction of trust and a whole new depth plus I had the thought wow I'm done it wasn't a sense of fear everything else is a bonus yeah it's good you learn to let go of all expectations in every situation there was a singer songwriter who traveled with me down in Marie Kerry who heard some of her music I think in the beginning and she had a daughter who was about maybe 10 11 years old and she said my daughter would like to and I would like to go on a little trip to you up to Michigan meet some friends and my daughter would bring a little friend for another little girl about 10 or 11 as well and we all go together I said fine that would be great so we got in the car and we were driving up to Ohio of course Michigan where we would stop at this campground area and so forth and Don Reese's daughter was in the back seat oh I don't feel so good mommy mommy I don't feel so good on the trip and then threw up all on the lap of the other cool girl and we were both sitting in the back seat all of this vomit so I pulled over to the service station and said let's get you cleaned up cleaned up and everything and back in the car we got to drive a little bit further we may be going another 40-50 miles okay let's get you cleaned up there clean them up and back in the car we could have another 40-50 miles the cycles and the little girls over there with the towel they were taking us there so this goes on for a number of three or four times and we get up there and Donna Marie who's like of course the Miracles teacher and she's just like oh and so she's like oh just got a throbbing headache and all of this is all the mother concepts and the shut-o's and the wood-o's except all the hypotheticals whirling around and what could have been different false empathy preceding the pain of the little girls and all this and this so we finally get up to Michigan and we get to the lake and I'm like okay come on let's get our swimsuits on and the girl's like weee and we ran off to change and so I got mine on and Donna was like oh there was all this perception it was like I didn't see a problem and you know how kids are they went through whatever they went through and then they were thrilled we made it to the lake to get out there and go swimming and they were jumping around as if nothing had ever happened just like animals are that way they're just so in the moment so but it was just another good symbol how you really just have to let go of the judgments and the roles you only upset yourself you only give yourself a headache or whatever seemingly when you hang onto these judgments and roles and expectations and there's really no need in any situation you know to really buy the bank or to hook onto the problem because that's where the struggle comes in it's the greatest being on kids so they love so many experiences it is a little book I don't know if it's only in New Zealand it's a little book called God on a Harley really nice little book when you said about it it was God on a Harley one time I was in Indianapolis I think or St. Louis maybe St. Louis it was a large group with most of them were psychotherapists and I told the story of how one of my students one time said oh David I can't think of anything better for my two children than to let them let you come up and house it and let them spend like a week with you that would be the best gift I could give my children and so her husband was a pilot so we're gonna fly out off to some resort somewhere and leave you with the kids the house and the kids for a week we trust you with our kids for a week should be a great experience for them and so they said okay we're gonna use some money in case you guys want to go out to dinner and just enjoy yourself and have a good time with the kids and then they flew off for a weekend it was a very, it was like oh so much play immediately they wanted to rearrange all the furniture in the living room and we all get blankets and sheets and build like a little fort inside the house and get me down there and play all kinds of imaginary games came out in the smiths and then we would lost track of the time the days, the morning would go we finally get to be around dinner time and I say what do you want? for dinner they go McDonald's Tuesday night McDonald's Wednesday night McDonald's McDonald's McDonald's of course they have play land over there and they, as children will do they will try to test out your boundaries and they were like they were like they always like tests to see what they can get away with and I'm gonna stay in my judgment they put me on a horse one time in Argentina and the cursor went ahead and the guide went ahead and my horse was going off I was feeding the horses we'd go along and if they wanted me to beat the horse or actually strike the horse I was mad, what's the point of striking a horse? I don't really care where the horse takes me so they were pushing back the cursor went off and the guide was going off on the horses and then they looked back partolo they were screaming at the horse and me David, partolo we were deviants but I'm not going to be getting a horse I don't care what they say so I was with the kids and we were just having this joyful time together and the kids were like really loving it because it was like it was non-judgment there was no boundaries, there was no limits they were playing and having good time in McDonald's every night and this and that and so at one point the children got so happy so happy they were what we might call giddy they were actually getting the way they were getting, they were so happy and I think the little girl and her brother was a couple years younger the little girl went and spit I remember I had that beard that you saw in there so I remember just in slow motion I could see the little goober why you couldn't have a camera on that, I had a slow motion so the goob was flying over and landing in the beard and I remember just in total joy looking at the whole thing following it over and landing in the beard and then of course they looked again to my face at my eyes to see is this wrong or is this bad or whatever and when I just kind of smiled back they were like spit bad so her and her brother spit was flying all over the place we all had a nice spit bath my name was showering but I was telling this story because there was about 30 psychotherapists sort of lying they were shaking their head I was saying Dave and there was no sense of boundaries here because this is destructive you've just been destructive in the children's lives and all this and I said oh no no I said you have to understand what the point is the point is non-judgment it's reaching a state of complete non-judgment which of course animals feel that you have animals come up to you when you're in a state of non-judgment non-fear children jump in your lap they want to play they feel connected and joined because the state of non-judgment is a natural state the state of control and rules and whatever is an ego state so they gravitate to that so I told that and it helped the psychotherapists to say what kind of role modeling is that what kind of over you modeling for these children there and I said that's not how it works we think we learn from behaviors but really it's all telepathic you have the beliefs, you have the thoughts in your mind and then the world witnesses to your thoughts and your beliefs it's not like children don't really learn from the behaviors of their parents or their siblings it's all going on in terms of beliefs and thoughts there's no transfer going on in terms of visuals you don't really learn from behavior what really is notice this thing is role modeling in fact a lot of times children they feel the hypocrisy the parents are making up all these rules saying it should be this way it has to be this way I'm in control as long as you live in my house it's my way or the highway and this and that and then the children see the hypocrisy of the parents breaking a lot of their own rules and then start to think why should I follow you who puts you in charge of me who says you can make up the rules it's because you've got a bigger body gives you the right so anyway we had a great great week in fact they had so much fun that they were like saying do we have to let the parents back do we have to let them come back in the house but it was good because then when we got back we had beautiful integrating discussions with the student and their husband because the children had learned so much in terms of being intuitive and flowing with their intuition and and there was a time too where I took the little the boy came down to see me in Cincinnati and we went to see this movie called Little Buddha and in the scene there's a transformational scene where Siddhartha goes from being a man into the Buddha you have to face all these temptations coming out and sitting under the Bodhi tree and facing dancing girls and flaming arrows all kinds of temptations in the world and little Matthew, he was maybe like seven or eight years old he had a very strong voice so he wanted to sit with me in the movie theater while we were watching this very metaphysical movie and basically his mother said okay you can sit with David but you have to sit in the front row because sound will travel you can't be in the back talking to David in the middle of the movie you'll disturb all the other patrons we sat in the front row, we sat next to each other we're watching this movie Little Buddha and finally Siddhartha is there just sitting there in the lotus position very still and all these temptations are coming out and Siddhartha is not even moving the least bit deterred by all these temptations and everything and little Matthew is sitting next to me and he looks up to me in the middle of the movie and he points at the movie stand and he says that's a powerful mind and I said yes so we watched more and more temptations come Siddhartha un-sazed, doesn't move anything little Matthew says I will have that mind the seven year old is watching the movie yes, Siddhi so then we watched a little bit more of the movie and Siddhartha is like a rock that stays by anything that the world is throwing at him I am that mind and yes, yes it was like people sometimes say that children can't be spiritual they've got to go through all this ego development and this and this and this but I see the children are just symbols of a state of mind so I had no parameters on the thinking of the child as a child just a reflection of my mind so in that sense everything can be used for the maximum you don't have to talk to children as if it's their children if you can release your mind from the beliefs of children or children and see that everything is a reflection of your own mind then to that extent they can reflect back to you what you have in your mind as well free them there's a very powerful off the time with this the children we had a number of powerful experiences where we just took the parameter kids can take this time to take this the same little boy would he was up in Scarborough City, Michigan basically when the ice would melt in the spring the bay would be extremely cold because the ice had just melted in the bay and he would go out swimming and people would look out like in March in this bay up in Michigan and they would be just like looking at him and almost in total disbelief this little boy was out there swimming in these waters and they would actually walk up and that's the water like does this seem real but again that was just another sign of mind over matter he was very happy and affected it just shows how working on his mind training and parents is deceived but you don't have to buy into the the parents is a good example was the parents you know at like the the week that there was a way when the parents come back what was the relationship then I mean was the parents in terms of the cars yeah Ronda was a student of mine and her husband Tom he was open enough he would later be open enough to having me and a group of people come up there and having like a little community in the house I'd say they were very very open to peace ideas and it really was very good for discernment like for example Ronda had this thing where she did not feel comfortable with the children watching a lot of violent cartoons or violent movies sitting there and she was the course student she had discomfort around that and then her husband who was not into the course would say what's the problem you know if it's all an illusion and it's all just a bunch of images why should we care of whether our kids watch these movies or not he would say I grew up watching violent cartoons all the time Tom and Jerry and we had in the back and forth how they would fight and he'd say look how I turned down and she said yeah look how you turned down you know like we get deeper into the discussion and it was again we'd have these discussions like well we have to go much deeper because she intuitively was feeling that their minds were not trained sufficiently and to just sit there in front of the TV with what seemed to be violent movies just didn't feel intuitively right and so we had to take a look and I said well it's not the movies per se but it's like yeah I think it's good that we don't feel to just leave the children there unsupervised constantly watch those kind of things all day I suggested to them then if there's a particular movie or something that could be instructional watch it together as a family and let the children with their curiosity ask questions and let the spirit pour through and use if you're going to have that kind of a movie or whatever use it occasionally as a teaching device where you can discuss no different than children see something on the news tell me why did that happen or this and this and to be at inroads to a deeper discussion and actually I have a friend Alex who's in Sweden who's trained as a psychologist and he was saying how do I work with my children and he took it really far he was going through of course the miracles with the three children who were like five and seven and maybe eleven twelve at the time particularly the seven-year-old she was so tuned in they were working the course lessons together and at one point I was in Sweden and I did a series of gatherings and again I was put with like 30 psychotherapists out in the woods of Sweden they showed in the movie I Heart Huckabees but before the gathering started I had this little seven-year-old non-girl who looked like a little teeny miniature of Madonna like a little seven-year-old Madonna come out and that her father had taught her this course they made a song up from lesson number one and of course the miracles nothing I see means anything they had a nice little tune to it they sang it in front of these 30 psychotherapists and the psychotherapists were like blown away then we showed in the movie I Heart Huckabees which was very funny but very metaphysical and that just opened the discussion up most of these psychotherapists weren't even never heard of the course the miracles before but by the end they were just lit up and glowing so it was all disorchestrated to have this very funny movie and this little seven-year-old singing a version of lesson number one from the course and that got them hooked them into so these psychotherapists you know got to have ground rules and this and that for the children when they was introduced to the course in miracles they completely changed their perception it starts to it definitely puts them in that direction they're listening from a lot of their conditioning so when they go on and deal with patients it would be totally different I think they all come not all of them but a lot of the therapists come from problem and so if you're battling away at the problem there's a lot of reports obviously there isn't so I imagine there's much going for a loop because everything they concerned that this is fixing something I think it's quite interesting because my friend Alex for example he was trained in psychology he and his partner Anna were psychotherapists and the deeper they got into the course Anna was used in many ways in her counseling skills and she was gone beyond that now she's working three kids and two foster children they both were guided by the Holy Spirit out of the whole psychotherapy field they're no longer even in the field anymore but they went through a series of ways where they were used the Holy Spirit would come through them and then finally I think Alex got to the point where he was working with a patient and he let all this teaching come through and very rarely would he even mention the Course in Miracles in that kind of context but the woman kept asking him is there any additional reading is there any additional materials and books that I could read so he mentioned the Course in Miracles and the therapist found out about it and they basically decided that he was in malpractice and that he should be blocked removed from the field and he initially called me and we skyped and he said this is kind of like a major lesson here it's almost like I seem to be under a siege or under attack he just needed mentioning the phrase of Course in Miracles over here and he kept seeing there's just a forgiveness opportunity and he would meet with them but they were very determined and it got to a point where he tried to almost kind of put up a little bit of a defensive fight and it just nothing was happening and so basically he was guided out of the whole field and then now he has foster children and he can read the Course and other materials and meditated home as much as he wants and Holy Spirit guided him in a way in a direction that he couldn't have even foreseen but he's there and he and his partner have many many opportunities with these five children you know for trusting and listening and foster children that come and go and so it's all being used for undoing the ego but sometimes the ego can get set like a way to get it I went through all this psychological training and I thought sure I was going to be a therapist and then the script takes a big turn in a whole other different direction and if you can relax and just move with it then you see it's beautiful everything is happening is all part of a beautiful plan but when you judge it and you think wait a minute this is a bad outcome you know how dare they and that's when the ego gets all stirred up but if the you know they don't move away from being that psychologist can stare within that like going back to the drawing board within psychology for example there's many therapy modalities more from stimulus response all the way to more behavioral all the way to cognitive therapies and then I would say human is taking trans personals but they got much more into cognitive therapies which is thoughts changing your thinking rational motives therapy and those kind of things and then more towards trans personal therapy which is actually designed to undo the ego there's actually a field of psychology that has recognized the great spiritual wisdoms and that it's not problem oriented it's actually designed to help you undo the ego and there are many trans personal psychologists that study the course around the world that integrate the course into their practice so it's highly individualized we were talking about that a little bit earlier this morning breakfast that you know it's like it's highly individualized on how the Holy Spirit will guide you and prompt you so we can't say that there's set guidelines and rules that people should necessarily leave professions which professions it's kind of like what we were talking about with relationships it takes a lot of discernment about staying in a relationship or moving on from a relationship and it's not something we should make like rash decisions and hasty decisions you should really pay attention to the signs and symbols and consult the Holy Spirit and not get tricked by the ego into thinking you can just simply move on from a profession or a relationship and find relief in another haven like the Course is saying there are no havens in this world you can't find a haven from guilt on a battlefield it would be like a war scene there's flying tanks, bombs and everything and you're looking around for a haven right on the battlefield and Jesus is saying don't even try it this world is like a battlefield and you need to go for the haven in your mind go for the haven of non-judgment a haven of forgiveness of changing your perception where you will find safety and you will find a true haven but sometimes people go for it in relationships they think I just gotta find me a peaceful mate get there and they go yips what's this where did this monster come from I thought you were a peaceful mate so you see how you have to go inside for the healing and for the haven we can talk about it do you have to check out the tanks yeah it's memories from it was about how I just I just got a memory of a particular event how I treated my son and also some cream from that son when I took care of these two other children when I really wasn't in that state there was so much going on in the world but this thing with Victor was when he had he and his friend had this place in the house a place place headlight and I had to go to buy something to take it out and I was in a hurry and Victor was he often was so stubborn he didn't want to come with me and I was gone and I knew that this store would close in a particular time and I was in a hurry I couldn't wait for him to decide and he was so stubborn and and this other mother waited for me to go to buy these things for me it wasn't important because I I didn't really believe it was a problem but I had I had believed that I was I had to do things for others so I had to go anyway and I said to my son I really need to go now you have to decide if you want to come with me or not and he just cried and said I don't want you to go and he stayed in bed and like okay I'm going now we can come if you want and he was screaming and crying and I went out to the car and I felt so much guilt and I went off to the car and I didn't see that he came out running it was raining and he came out without his even his clothes and he just cried and they ran out to try to to come with me I didn't even see and so I went off the car and I was away for one hour or so and I returned and he was crying and I said he didn't he didn't see me I wanted to come with you and he didn't see me and I just felt guilt and something different like I hurt him so if we listen to that and you've taken into the feelings of feeling guilt and how it played out in this net the trick that the ego uses is the ego wants you to feel guilty based on the form of something that you did that you think you shouldn't have done or something that you didn't do that the ego would say you should have done so it wants the guilt to be associated with the form and what you learn as you work more with Jesus in the Course is the guilt always comes from the thoughts in other words just in reliving this memory occurred a while ago how many months or years two or three years so it's a memory from the past coming out and then the emotion is still feeling guilt and also now left hand and you're getting guilt and so forth so if you take the guilt the guilt's not coming from any of the behaviors because it would seem on the surface but the guilt is coming from the thoughts of harming of abdicating our responsibility and so forth and of all the children in the world that this seems to be of the six billion people there's lots and lots of children you have guilt around this particular child which is called Hector not so much with the other children you don't have the current memories of guilt with other some of the other children but it's like and what is that based on if you bring it in further and further and further you can see that it's based on the self-concept that once you come to this world you fall asleep the ego makes up a substitute identity and whether we're identified as father, mother, sister, brother whether we're identified as Course in Miracles student Course in Miracles teacher as a Swedish person or a New Zealander, an Australian American and so on and so forth this concept of all these different concepts becomes the false identity and then we've got this false identity this mask that you wear in this world and with this mask this mask is very volatile you know it's feels unworthy feels like it's never good enough and so if we pick an aspect of the mask I would say the aspect is we'll use his mother and that's another concept mother is a concept it's not a reality it's a concept and then when you look at this concept and it's part of an identity then there's an ideal that's attached with that in the sense of being a good mother you know and there's a lot of guilt with being a good enough mother how good is good enough and you can pick the concept of mother if you want to use it or you can pick other concepts but the ego has made up these concepts and they're like ego ideals and whenever you judge yourself is not living up to the ideal the ideal of an ideal mother or an ideal father or so and so forth then that judgment is a self-criticism in a judgment and that judgment is where the guilt is coming from not from anything that happened on the screen to use the example we were talking about last night if you went to visit like a mess murderer in a prison you know how would you see that in a sense except having to overlook everything about them and seeing them as if seeing them for the very first time without a past that's how you would see their innocence and it's the same in this kind of thing where as long as you're identified in that concept with the self-concept of mother and as long as you hold Victor in that relationship then there's going to be guilt over did I do enough for the right thing there's an evaluation that's being that's held in with that memory and that's where the guilt's coming from it's very strong and I can think too that I need to pay him back I owe him something now and when I have paid that back then I can see then I can let go of the concept I remember we talked about this when you went back to Sweden that's you found yourself trying to do exactly that trying to pay him back trying to be the good mother go to the football games attend the things do the things that a normal good mother would do and did that to leave you out of guilt so again we start to see only forgiveness is going to heal this thing no matter how you play act no matter how much you try to live up to the ideal did I do enough it's like saying to God was that enough did I love him enough did I do well enough am I a good enough mother did I pass do I get back into heaven was I a good enough mother was I a good enough father even with course of miracles teachers they get into working with the book am I a good enough student did I do it well enough did I achieve enough with it did I reach enough inner peace will you let me back into heaven you know as long as we have these ego ideals which were set up by the ego and we try to live up to those ideals it's a trick we always judge ourselves in comparing you know ego would say oh bad mother there are many better mothers bad mother or so in the like bad father, bad this and it's through this mechanism of the mind of comparison that keeps the guilt in place and it's more of like an ego ideal I mean the concept of a mother or an ideal mother is is kind of a concept that is set up by the ego that you can never fully reach entertainment it's set up as a guilt trap to keep you the comparison is about to keep the guilt in place to actually see the concept as the release of the guilt once you can see the concept for what it is and then you feel a sense of happiness and joy and freedom because that's what forgiveness is it just sees the false as false then you are open to receiving guidance and of course this guidance will bless the universe, it will bless Victor it will bless everyone a happy you, a guilt free you an illness of you which is going to be the greatest blessing for the whole universe in fact that will change all the relationships Doctor I see the concept as the release of the guilt and I have these feelings well what I would always do is I see it as specialness so for example when I first started traveling with the Course in Miracles I would call home talk to mother, talk to dad talk to grandma I would like to talk talk through and I felt still the sense of missing them or a sense of longing for things to be different and so on and so forth and then I would just ask myself gee that's kind of interesting that I keep thinking about them out of the 6 billion people what makes this handful of people so special why are they so special and unique why am I so unconcerned with most of the 6 billion and so concerned with this few handful of people it's because well there's an identity that I did there mom and dad you know that's my sister and then I would start to take it in deeper towards what is my calling and my calling was to go deep inside and just to expose this self-concept that was made up by the ego and then the more I started to travel I started to get this feeling in my heart like that one child was all children but there wasn't such a thing as a special child and even I had students who would travel with me and miss their children and only to find them when we would go to the gatherings these children would run up to them and it would jump and want to play with them and listen to this and they started having this experience like wow I'm having so much fun with these children that are showing up at the gatherings there's a Holy Spirit trying to teach me something here it was the same extending of love but it was like the forms were changing and the children were coming so you start to loosen from the idea of possession of ownership of the idea in the end of my child my child my spouse and that's what's going on and also it would be that when you have these opportunities to come together with Victor again it's again these golden opportunities to teach what you would learn that the full extent of love pours through you but in a way that's not special it's not special to one body just to understand to a degree years and years ago when I was a child I played the sport of judo and I taught judo and so that that's my children as well we used to have the children's for us and my children my other children and our venue was a big football grandstand and we were up in the top of it and one night my son was playing with other kids and he fell off the grandstand he ended up in hospital one by the fact of his skull and it wasn't expected to live anyway he came through a lot eventually and it seems to change him and I think I'm carried to guilt of that for my life because it wasn't actually there it wasn't anyway he's married with five children and he has a very bad depression problems and I probably haven't compensated for years and I've always been there for him I've always been there for everybody the whole thing anyway I've always been there for him probably more than anybody else probably because I felt guilty and he has a very big depression problem and he's often spoken to me about it and he's got suicidal times and he's in this very very big dark hole and here's a more sort of thing he's a very nice person like a people giant really but I have probably carried this guilt for my life wondering if it was my fault that he did this and I can sort of see that it really wasn't my fault there's nothing I could probably do about it so I can see what you're coming from but I don't see that you have anything to feel guilty for you said one very helpful thing that you were there for him probably because you were so guilty yeah, well I did I felt guilty in my life and there's nothing I can do about it but I have to keep giving up and giving up but it has affected some aspects of my life those recurring thoughts could have been different and if you really trace those in it's like could I have been a better father you know underneath it and that's what I mean with these ego ideals when one time I was talking with a group up in Michigan and we were getting into this concept of guilt and people were just all saying a whole room full of people saying how can we be free of this guilt it's deep, it runs so deep it's so intense, how can we ever be free of it and I went around the room and I said okay I want you to all tell me what you feel guilty for and there were people talking about guilt around their children the way they'd raise their children guilt about not paying back money for friends and people that they owed guilt about various mistakes that they'd made, judgments and so on and so forth and I went around the room and listened it was like a guilt parade everybody was pouring out all the stuff that they felt so guilty for and in the meantime saying help us we're carrying this burden of guilt you know it's a very heavy burden to carry through life and so I said okay now we went around the room we poured out all these things you feel guilty for can you take it from the specific event that seemed to occur to what is the role that you were playing what is or what are the roles that you were playing and they talked about a father, a mother, a brother a sister, a citizen they talked about all the roles that they were playing that was tied in to these events and I said can you see away that you could be completely innocent and completely guilt-free and still maintain the roles and they all went around and said no we can't I said very good this is a setup this world and these roles and these guilt feelings are all a setup by the ego from really experiencing love and true happiness and joy it's a big setup it's like a big giant game that was set up to maintain guilt that's why the world was made God didn't create this world I've heard people for years they say David love makes the world go round well it sounds kind of nice but actually guilt makes the world guilt drives this world when people say I'm afraid I said look around you you think it's going to get worse than this it's like the ego has generated a world of guilt guilty relationships I could have done better I didn't live up to my parents standard I didn't live up to my own standards I didn't make the grade I'm not good enough I wasn't a good enough mother I wasn't a good enough brother or sister or father I wasn't a good enough worker I wasn't a good enough spouse you know it's like a setup that the ego has set up to keep the mind trapped and feeling guilty and what you start to realize is you will try to overcompensate and that doesn't even work those emotions here you are Bill and here you are Janet you're still feeling those tremors those guilt tremors still coming up and even when you try to overcompensate an extra good dad or an extra good mom that doesn't alleviate the guilt either because the idol the ideal is still held in place and the comparison is still going on and that's what's generating the guilt so we're getting and if we bring it back to what we've been talking about over the weekend we're back to those private thoughts again you can see in the movie last night at TV the guilt in the mother the guilt in Ed the guilt in the father it was playing out the guilt in the sister when Ed's brother got on TV and said what was she doing in a bar anyway for Christ's sake she's an alcoholic right on national television it was all this guilt based on all these private thoughts and then we come back to the teaching of Jesus these private thoughts are not real