 The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with goodie goodbye. You know this coming Friday is the first official day of winter and during the dark blustery days ahead you'll find nothing lights up the dinner table like the gay glint of orange jello served as a bright tempting salad or dessert. Not suppose you live in Florida or sunny California where you don't have to worry about dark winter days. Well, orange jello is still your dish for its cheerful color reflects the sunshine and its extra rich flavor rivals the tempting goodness of the real ripe fruit itself. Or try a tempting sea green mold of lime jello served with slices of canned pineapple. Or what would you say to lemon jello as golden as sunshine with stewed figs and whipped cream folded in to make a delicious creamy fig pudding. While there are dozens of grand ways to serve jello, each one a creation that will climax the meal. So stock up on jello tomorrow and look for the big red letters on the box when you buy. They spell jello in six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon and lime. I'm played by the orchestra and now ladies and gentlemen I bring you our worn out master of ceremonies. Between his broadcast at NBC, his picture at Paramount and his Christmas shopping at the 5 and 10, he's the busiest little man in Hollywood, Jack Benny. Hello again, this is Tilly the Toiler talking. And Don, you're right. I don't ever remember being as rushed as I've been this past week. I'm a wreck. I can appreciate that, Jack. You know, when I got home last night I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to go upstairs. I slept all night on the billiard table. My goodness, you must have been tired. I was done. I rolled and tossed and tossed and rolled till almost daylight. Restless, huh? No, I forgot to take the balls off the table. I didn't mind that so much, but Rochester charged me 60 cents an hour. It's his table. It belongs to him, you know. What a night, huh? Well, if you're tired, jack it's your own fault. Radio keeps you busy enough. What are you making a picture for? That's what I can't figure out, Don. I can't understand Paramount putting me in another picture so soon. I'm not tired of my last one yet. I've seen it so many times I won eight Plymouths. Anyway, I'm making another one now. Well, Jack, tell me something about your new picture. Is it a light sophisticated comedy like Man About Town? Oh, no, Don. This is a western, a real ripped snort and melodrama full of action and thrills. Well, that's a surprise. How did they have to cast you in that type of story? Well, you see, Gary Cooper isn't at Paramount anymore, and they seem to think that I'm the one to take his plays. What was that, Jack? I said Paramount seems to think I'm the only one at the studio that can take Gary Cooper's plays. Well, so long, Don. See you later. Mary, come back here. There's nothing ridiculous about my playing parts like Gary Cooper. What are you talking about? In the first place, Gary Cooper's better looking than you are. Well, a little makeup will take care of my looks. And he's younger than you are. Mary, makeup will help me there, too. And he's a great actor. Put some mascara on that. Listen, my critical friend, I can play those strong western types, too. I can talk through my teeth just like Gary Cooper. What do you mean, your teeth? Mary, possession is nine points of the law. Anyway, wait till you see the picture, young lady. You'll change your mind. Say, Jack, is Phil Harris of this one, too? Yes, Don, he's in it, but I can't understand why. He must have something on the director. I wish I knew what it was. I'd like to get some more lines. I'd like to get that one straight. That's a good idea. Oh, well, I'll just snoop around, you know. Well, how is Phil at it, Jack? Has he got a pretty big part? You'd think so to see him strut around on the set. He's such a ham, Don. And yet he tries to be so democratic. What do you mean? Well, he's got a sign on the back of his chair that says, Phil Harris, never too busy to say hello. Isn't that corny? Well, Jack, I guess that's just his way of being a good fellow. I know, Don, but it's so hammy, all those words on there. Now, all I got on the back of my chair is just Jack Benny and right under it, a simple little star. Why overdo it? Well, anyway, besides Phil, there's Ellen Drew, Ward Bond, Andy Devine, and oh, yes, Rochester's in the picture. I forgot. You'll remember when it comes out. Listen, Mary, I'm the hero. That's good enough for me. Oh, hello, Phil. Hiya, Gary. Gary. And I do mean Indiana. Pretty sharp, eh? Oh, that was a honey. How long did it take you to think that one up, Phil? Came to me like a flash. All my stuff is impromptuous. That's impromptu. And incidentally, Phil, I wish you'd stop telling everybody at Paramount that you're playing the part of my son. That's not true. Besides, it takes away from the romance. Some romance. I read the script. In the end, Jack marries a cow. That's cow girl. You'd have turned the page. You'd have seen the word girl. Anyway, this is radio, so let's forget about pictures. We can talk about something else. Hey, Jackson, as long as we're changing the subject, how about paying off that bet you welched on? What bet? That bet we made on the USC UCLA game. Come on, pay off. Phil, I'd pay off if I owed you anything, but that game was a tie. Sure it was a tie, but you took USC and gave me seven points. I don't care if I gave you 50 points. The score was nothing to nothing. That means I get nothing and you get nothing. Now get your band together and play a number. I don't want to interfere, Jack, but if you gave Phil seven points, he won that bet and you ought to pay him. Certainly ought to pay him. Well, of course. Oh, all right, Phil. All right, here's a quarter. Now leave me alone. What a guy. Thanks, Jackson. Here's your change. Now go ahead and play, you store head. Next time I gamble with you, I'm going to have it in writing. Start with the kisses played by a miser in his orchestra. Miser, Phil, meaning a man who thinks more of 15 cents than he does of my friendship. And now, ladies and gentlemen, if that's the way you feel about it, Jackson, here's your money back. It's not the money, Phil. I just don't think I lost that bet. You don't think you lost on Hoover? Mary, I conceded that months ago. We're talking about the football game. The trouble with you is you don't know anything about gambling. You're just a poor sport. I'm a poor sport. That's a hot one. For your information, Phil, I had an uncle who was one of the most famous gamblers in Waukegan. Well, he'd bet $1,000 on the turn of a card. I bet he was an uncle by marriage. No, his name was Benny. Stand back. You bother me, boys. Benny. Don't keep that 15 cents, Mr. Small pride. And now, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, Jack, don't forget about, you know. I'm coming to that, Don. And now, ladies and gentlemen, Christmas being just a week off, Mr. Don Wilson, that eminent American author, has written another of his famous one-act plays. Take it, Don. The time, ladies and gentlemen, is the night before Christmas. The scene is the home of Mr. Mrs. Santa Claus at the North Pole. Mr. Jack Benny will be Santa Claus. Yes! Never mind, Mary, with a beard, no one will know the difference. Go ahead, Don. The North Pole, curtain, music. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Oh, Santa. Santa. What do you want, Jack? You better get started pretty soon. The reindeer's are all hitched and everything. Well, I got a few more letters here. And I got to see that the kitties want before I put my bag in the sleigh. I'll help you. Here's a letter from Encino, California. It's from a kid named Philip Harris. Tear it up. But Santa, he says he's been a good little boy. Good little boy? Well, last Christmas, I got to his house around 5 AM when he was just getting home. Not only that, he threw snowballs at me. There's no snow in Encino. He didn't know it. Well, what does little Phillip want from Sandy Claus? 14 points in Tennessee. Well, he'll never get it. Oh, Santa, here's a letter from Rochester Van Jones Jr. in Central Avenue, California. Hmm, Rochester Van Jones, what does he want? He says, dear Santa, please send me a sled, a pair of roller skates, and a bottle of gin. Well. P.S., if you haven't got the sled and the roller skates, no hard feelings. I'll see what I can do. Any more kitties to be heard from? Yes, here's one from Jackie Benny, Beverly Health, California. Well, well, well, little Jackie Benny, he's a cute kid. What's the little rascal got to say? He says, dear Santa Claus, have been a good boy all year, so when I give a party Christmas Eve, will you please send Clark Able and Carol Lombard, Robert Taylor and Barbara Sandwich, your own power? Let's see that letter. Says, nothing is a kind. Well, goodbye, darling. It's getting late, and I must be going. Can I go with you? That's fine. I got one night out a year. My wife wants to go along. Nothing doing. Goodbye, darling. Goodbye. Oh, Santa, just one more thing. What is it? When you get to Ann Sheridan's house, just fill her stocking and get. Oh, don't be so jealous. Goodbye. Goodbye. Who can that be? Come in. Special delivery for Sandy Claus. Right here, boy. Well, it's from little Tubby Wilson, 834 Blimp Avenue, Van Nuys, California. What does he say? He says, dear Santa Claus, I have been a good boy all year, but I don't want to slant and I don't want roller states. Just did me some jello in all 60 wishes favors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherries, orange, women and wine. Well, yours truly cuddles Wilson. It was the first kitty I'm gonna take care of. So long, honey. I'll be home in the morning. Okay, and stay away from the Wilshire Bowl. I will. Goodbye. Get out, you reindeer. Rides again. Don, Don, that was marvelous. That's one of the best plays you've ever written. Oh, I thought you'd like it, Jack. And by the way, what did you think of that surprise finish when I asked for jello? Oh, Don, it was such a shock. I never expected it. Hmm. And now, folks. Gee, I knew what he was getting at all the time. Oh, hello, Dennis. I didn't hear you come in. Well, my shoes don't squeak anymore. Well, Dennis, I don't want to rush you, but Don's play reminded me I still have a lot of Christmas shopping to do, so go ahead with your number and I'll run along. Can I go with you, Jack? I've got some stuff to buy, too. Sure, come on, Mary. Oh, Don, you and Phil take care of the rest of the program, will ya? Sure, Jack, we'll carry on. Here's a Lulu, folks. When I was in Asia, I slept in an attic. Don knows Asiatic's. Hey, wait a minute! Heaven's sakes. Stop with those 1912 Thunderbolts. Go ahead and sing, Dennis. I'll see you next week. OK. Oh, by the way, Mr. Benny, could I speak to you a minute? Of course, Dennis. What is it? Well, it's a little personal. I'd like to talk to you in private. Now, you can tell me right here. What's on your mind? Well, Mr. Benny, my mother, uh... Yes? I don't know how to say it. Go on, Dennis. Don't be bashful. Well, my mother told me to ask you, when are you going to start paying me for singing here? Well, that's strange. I take care of you every week, don't I, Dennis? Yes? Gee, we've got enough jello now for 25 years. Oh, well, look, Dennis, you go back in and sing your song. I'll pick it over. I wish you would. Our house is so full of boxes, we can't walk around. Well, just leave it to me and everything will be all right. Come on, Mary. His mother burns me up. She hasn't even paid me for a Christmas card yet. Oh, well. And now, folks, Dennis Day, our young tenor, will sing a beautiful number called Tomorrow Night. Sing, Dennis. Remember what you said, Tomorrow Night, with a thousand and one delight. In the soft moon, I give the world. You and their Christmas shopping the last minute. Stay close to me, Mary. Here, I'll take your arm. Let go of me, you masher. Oh, pardon me, miss. It's so crowded here, I thought you were someone else. Oh, tell that to the Marines. I don't even know any. Mary, where are you? Here I am, right behind you. Who's your girlfriend? She's not my girlfriend. Well, you tried hard enough, Gary. I said I was sorry, miss. Now, stay close to me, Mary. Have you got my Christmas list? Yes, here it is. What does it say? Dear Jackie boy, I waited for you in the owl roaster. The list is on the other side. Rita. Wait a minute, who's Gladys? She's a pin girl at the bowling alley. You've seen her a million times. Now, give me that list. Let's see, I've got to get some perfume for my sister, a watch for Don Wilson. And I've got to take care of Phil, and I've got to get something nice for Dennis. I know what Dennis is giving you, Jack. A pair of socks. A pair of socks, what a little tight wad. Bet that kid's got the first box of jello he ever earned. Well, I'll get Don's present first. I wonder where the watch department is. Let's ask the floor walker. Yeah, there's one. This must be him. Pardon me, are you the floor walker? Yes, I'm the floor walker. What do I look like, a telephone booth? I know you haven't got a carnation on. I had one, but I ripped it to pieces. Now listen, buddy. Jack, tell him what you want, Jack. Listen, buddy, if it won't tax your mentality too much, will you please direct me to the watch department? No, I won't. Well, if you don't tell me where it is, I won't buy a watch. What do I care? It's not for me. Well, it's the last time I'll ever come to this store. Oh, Jack, there's the watch counter right over there. You stool pigeon. You know how he holds his job here. Come on, Mary, give me your arm. Hey, you, let go of me. Oh, it's you again. Will you stop following me around? Well, I thought that. It's no use. I'm engaged. Well, I pity the fella. Come on, Mary. She thinks I'm trying to make a date with her. You've done worse. Here's the watch counter. How do you do, sir? Can I help you? Yes, I'd like to look at a watch, please. Boulevard? Boulevard or schmullover? Just a watch, a man's wristwatch. Well, let me see. Now, here's our new Venus de Milo model. No hands on it. No hands on it? Well, how do you tell time? Call Ulrich at 900. That's too complicated. I'd like to get something a little more practical. Jack, I'm going over to my own shopping. See you later. OK. Now, here's a very smart clock. And it's only $25. A clock? Well, I really wanted a watch. But this is a real bargain. Yesterday, the same clock sold for $1,250. Oh, my goodness. How could you afford to cut it from $1,250 to $25? We took the Buick off. Oh, it was in a car. Well, I'd just like a wristwatch, please. Oh, here's something cute. How much is this one? $10. Well, that's just what I want. I'll take it. Here's your money. Thank you. Hey, this is beauty, all right? It certainly is. And you know it has that new unbreakable crystal. Here, try it out. No. No, I'll take your work board. Go ahead. Take the full hammer and hit it. Oh, all right. Tap it up. You mean sweep it up. And give me back my $10. I'm sorry. You'll have to see the floor walker about that. What? Oh, Mr. Chambers. What is it, Ms. Kelsey? Mr. Chambers wants his money back. Well, certainly I broke the walk, but she told me to. She told you to? Yes. Well, haven't you got a mind of your own? Certainly I have a mind of my own, but this young lady told me it was unbreakable. Young? Why, she's 42 if she's a day. We're not arguing about that. I want my $10 back. Give it to him, Ms. Kelsey, before he bites somebody. Yes. Here's your money, boy with a sore loser. Certainly a fine store to do business with. You walked in sugarfoot. Nobody dragged you. Now, where are the dickens that's married? Your daughter is over there at the hosiery counter. She's not my daughter. More trouble buying a little watch. It's Mary buying you. I like this shade. I'll take a half a dozen pair of those two-thread hose. You're wrong, lady. This hose is three-thread. Oh, no, it's two-thread. I beg your pardon, but it's three-thread. Listen, sister, don't argue with me. Not so long ago, I was standing right where you are. That's telling her, Mary. Oh, hello, Jack. Did you get a watch for Don? Yes, but I broke it with a hammer. It's a long story. Let's go over to the perfume counter. Shall I wrap up these stockings, Miss? Yes, I'll be back later. Oh, by the way, who's pitching for your softball team now? Mary, you can talk shop later. Come on. Oh, Mary, here comes that girl who thought I was trying to flirt with her. Watch me have some fun with her. Hello, sweetie pie. Here, Mary, hold my coat. Oh, Jack, you're in a store. Lucky for her, believe me. Here's the perfume counter. I see it. Pardon me, sir. I'd like to buy some perfume. OK, mister, what kind of perfume would you like? I don't know. What's popular right now? Well, now, here's something that's exotic, yet you can smell it a mile. It's called Lamauer Toujoua Lamauer. Let me see that. Hum, it does smell lovely. It ain't bad to drink, either. I really don't care how it tastes. You see, I'm buying it for my sister. Oh, is she on a wagon? No, she just doesn't drink perfume. She's eccentric. Anyhow, it has an exquisite scent. How much is this? Two clams a slug. Oh, that's reasonable enough. Do you think I ought to take a bottle of this, Mary? Sightly. Mary. Well, wrap it up, and I'll drop by on my way out. OK, pal. Oh, by the way, I don't want to seem impertinent, but how do the fellow like you happen to be selling perfume? I'm the only mug and a joint that can speak French. Oh, well, we'll see you later. Goodbye. A revue, pal. Quite a character. Let's see, what's next on the list, Mary? You got to get something for Phil and Dennis. Yeah, let's walk over to the necktie department there. Oh, Jack, look. What? There's Rochester buying some neckties. Oh, yeah, and that floor walker's waiting on them. They sure are busy here. I'll bet Rochester's getting a tie for you. Let's sneak up behind them. Well, I think this tie is beautiful. It's very unusual. Yes, but I don't think my boss would like it. It ain't his style. I see. What type of man is your boss? Well, he's kind of tall, medium weight, and rather conservative. You mean he's conservative in appearance? It goes deeper than that. Well, at least he's subtle. Quiet, I want to hear that. Now, here's a rich-looking tie. Maybe he'd like this one. Yeah, that's a pretty thing. How much is it? It's only $3.50. How much? $3.50. Too bad, he didn't like that one. Oh, fine. Well, if you don't want to spend quite so much, here's a lovely tie for $0.89. $0.89? That's right. The deal is practically closed. Can you imagine that? Of course, it may be a little too plain for your boss. Is he a young man? No. Is he middle-aged? No. Is he elderly? Wrap it up. Rochester Van Jones. Oh, hello, boss. I didn't see you. I know you didn't. And don't be buying me any $0.89 tie. You keep out of this. I will not dishello words for me. Now, look, Rochester, you've been with me three years now, and I've been very nice to you. I've always tried to make things pleasant for you and keep you happy. Is that open for discussion? No, it isn't. Now, I'm leaving you here at this necktie counter. And I want you to decide for yourself whether or not I'm worth more than an $0.89 tie. Come on, Mary, let's go. OK. Hey, Mary, which tie do you think Rochester's going to buy me? The one for $0.350 or the $0.89 one? Well, if you were Rochester, which one would you buy? I'll fire that guy. Play for us. They say, ladies and gentlemen, it isn't good manners to point. But there really is one time when it is all right. And that's when you see jello butterscotch pudding on your grocery shelf. Every day, thousands of discriminating housewives make this new dessert a regular part of their marketing. And they serve it often because it's an all-family favorite, with its rich, buttery, brown sugar goodness and its tempting, deep, golden color. Served with nuts, fruits, marshmallows, shredded coconut, or with just a big dab of snow-whipped cream, jello butterscotch pudding is absolutely tops. And the same goes for jello vanilla and chocolate puddings. So add these three brand new, grand and new desserts to your menu often. You can serve them time and time again in a variety of delightful ways, with no risk of tiring the family's taste. Tomorrow, when you're at the grocers, just point to jello puddings and watch them point the way to a real treat. We're a little late, so good night, folks. This is the National Broadcasting Company.