 أشرف الأنبياء والمرسلين حبيبي إله العالمين أب القاسم المصطفى محمد وعلى أهل بيته الطيبين الطاهرين الذين أذهب الله عنهم الرجسة وطهرهم تطهيرا قال الله تعالى في كتابه الكريم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم ووصينا الإنسان بوالديه حملته أمه وهنا على وهن وفي صاله في عامين أنشكر لي ولوالديك إلي المصير وإن جاهدك على أن تشرك بما ليس لك به علم فلا تطعهما وصاحبهما في الدنيا معروفا واتبع سبيل من أناب إلي ثم إلي مرجعكم فأنبئكم بما كنتم تعملون ومعروف أمه وصاحبه ورحمة الله وبركاته إن شاء الله نتبع with chapter 31 في القرآن سورة لقمان وفي قبل سشننا نتحدث عن المساعدة لقمان المساعدة لقمانه وذلك لا تشرك بالله إن الشركة لظلم عظيم لا تشهد بالقرآن مع الله سبحانه وتعالى لأن هذا هو أفضل المساعدة لقمان now the verse moves on ووسينا الإنسان بوالدي moves on to talk about one of the most important messages of not only the religion of Islam but all religions and it is a very important message in the Quran a value that the religion of Islam insists upon and in fact Allah سبحانه وتعالى in numerous occasions in the Quran talks about this Allah talks about it immediately after talking about the importance of believing in the one and only God and not associating a partner with Allah سبحانه وتعالى so this shows that this is a very important topic a very important subject what is it? it is honoring and showing respect to parents so the following verse immediately after the verse of not associating a partner with Allah سبحانه وتعالى comes the verse of respecting parents Allah says in the Quran ووسينا الإنسان بوالدي حملته أمه وهنا على وهن and we have commanded we have enjoyed enjoyed upon man care for his parents his mother carried him increasing in her weakness upon weakness and his weaning is in two years be grateful to me and to your parents to me is the final destination so when we analyze the Quranic verses that talk about parents and the rights of the parents we see that in many occasions in several occasions where they are mentioned they come immediately after believing in the one and only Allah سبحانه وتعالى and not associating a partner with God this is one instance in Surat Luqman chapter 31 where Allah says in the Quran ووسينا الإنسان بوالدي immediately after إن الشركة لظلم عظيم so the first piece of advice was associating a partner is a great act of injustice now the next order the second most important order of Allah سبحانه وتعالى is to respect and love the parents and here one of the scholars of the Quran exegetes of the Quran العلامة طبع طبائي in his book تفسير الميزان he says that this portion ووسينا الإنسان بوالدي this was not the advice of Luqman to his son he said that this is actually God Allah سبحانه وتعالى interjecting and telling us the importance of respecting parents because immediately before that the concept of Tawheed and not associating a partner with God was mentioned so Allah سبحانه وتعالى is telling us God this is the advice of Luqman he is telling his son don't associate a partner with God and then before carrying on with the other advices pieces of advice of Luqman Allah سبحانه وتعالى says but wait when we partner with God we will command you ووسينا الإنسان and this is a command from God ووسينا الإنسان بوالدي so here it's because of the importance of the message Allah سبحانه وتعالى interject and adds this piece of advice in the middle of a series of advice that Luqman is giving his son so this is one in Surat Luqman after not associating a partner with God you have the order of respecting parents second in Surat Isra Chapter 17 in the Quran verse 23 of Chapter 17 Allah says and your Lord has decreed that you do not worship anyone other than Him you do not associate a partner with God and the next immediate order and this shows how important it is in terms of priorities the next order is واب الوالديني إحسانة and that you show إحسان you show kindness towards your parents in Surat An-Kabout the spider verse 8 Allah says in the Quran ووسينا الإنسان بوالدي حسنا وإنجاه داكة لتشرك بما ليس لك به علم فلا تطرحنا despite the fact that not associating a partner with God is so important and Tawheed is so important Allah says even though شرك is the greatest sin associating a partner with God is the greatest sin and the one who does that is the greatest oppressor it's ظلم عظيم but if your parents still have to respect them you still have to show them kindness and this is a recurring theme throughout the Quran you always see the prophets doing dua for their parents ووالديني always there's a command to show love and respect to the parents and show kindness to the parents now someone might ask why does the Quran constantly remind us this and although the Quran does order parents to raise children properly and care for children and it does give us those commands as well but there's nothing compared to the commands of the children having to respect their parents so you see that Allah سبحانه وتعالى focuses on this so much why? it's because oftentimes people forget oftentimes people get too caught up with their lives that they forget the closest people to them their own parents you forget the ones who cared for you the most the ones who made you who you are the ones who loved you the most and unconditional love those are your parents your parents who accepted you for who you are your parents who had sleepless nights because of you they love you the most but you find that many times the parents don't need a reminder to take care of their children it's a natural instinct to care for your children and worry about your children but sometimes you find that the children and even once they're older once they're busy once they're successful once they have a job at that time many times they tend to forget their parents forget about the closest people to them so this is why the Quran constantly reminds us this is why the Quran is constantly telling us وَوَصَّيْنَ الْإِنْسَانَ we have commanded you we have enjoyed you it's such an important order when it comes to the religion of Islam وَوَصَّيْنَ الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنَا عَلَى وَهْنِ so Allah says in the Quran and we have enjoined the human being to take care of your parents now Allah SWT gives an example of the mother because the Quran acknowledges that your mother has exhausted herself much more than your father now you have to respect both and you have to love both and you have to show ihsan to both but the Quran takes us back to the mother it is your mother who had sleepless nights because of you it is your mother who her body was changed because of you it is your mother who fed you from her own body from her own soul she gave you her heart she gave you everything وَوَصَّيْنَ الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنَا عَلَى وَهْنِ the mother, Allah describes the weakness and the pain that the mother has while she is carrying and while she is giving birth and while she is feeding and while she is raising and while she is growing and we forget the pain that our mothers went through to carry us for nine months and then to feed us and then the birth and the labor and delivery and then dealing with raising us and the problems that we give our parents a lot of times we forget that you find some people they once as soon as they get the car keys as soon as they become a little bit successful or they get a degree they have a job they forget their parents Allah says حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنَا عَلَى وَهْنِ in weakness and that weakness creates more weakness your mother gave birth to you that exhausted her body that took a toll on her body and maybe later on you find her bones are weak maybe later on you find that she is weak this is because you sucked out that energy from her that pregnancy had a toll on her when she was feeding you it had a toll on her body so Allah سبحانه وتعالى wants us to remember that حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنَا عَلَى وَهْنِ and then Allah says in the Quran وَفِصَالِهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ and two years two years that's the average amount that's the time that a mother is feeding you changing your diaper carrying for you breastfeeding you giving you all of that at least two years وَفِصَالِهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ and then Allah says in the Quran وَنِشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ المَصِيرِ you want to be a mu'min you want to be a believer in God you have to as the verses pointed out وَلَقَدْ آتَيْنَا لُقْمَانَ الْحِكْمَةَ and you want the wisdom you have to thank God but now Allah says in the Quran but wait it's not only thanking God you have to thank your own parents وَنِشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ you have to thank me and thank your parents إلي المصير you all come to me so here the Quran teaches us something very important a very important point and that is that my appreciation and my gratitude is not only to Allah yes we have to first and foremost appreciate and show thanks to Allah but if I want to maximize that appreciation if I want to show the best appreciation to God then I have to thank my parents I have to respect my parents I have to show احسان to my parents and this is what it means to be a Muslim وَنِشْكُرْ لِي وَلَقْمَةَيْكَ God says thank me and thank your own parents this is what makes you a believer if someone is praying and fasting and always thanking God but they neglect their own parents then there is a question mark on this person then this person will have serious issues if they have problems with their parents no matter how much good you've done you have to respect and appreciate your parents and give them the proper respect that they deserve and of course according to the religious teachings Islamic teachings is that we will never be able to fully appreciate our parents never a man he carries his mother on his back and he performs the Hajj at that time they had no wheel chairs and the Hajj is exhausting it's exhausting for a person to walk and do the Hajj on your own now imagine having to carry your mother on your back his mother was paralyzed so he carries his mother and the Tawaf and the Sa'ee and the Muzdalafa and Mina and Arafat for anyone who's been to Hajj they know it's very tiring he does all of that and his mother is on his back and she's also performing the Hajj then he comes to Rasool Allah he tells him ya Rasool Allah I carried my mother for this whole period on my back will God compensate me have I done enough for my mother have I fulfilled my duty and my task to my mother Rasool Allah you have not done enough no and you will never be able to fully compensate your mother and pay your mother back you'll never be able to do that you find some people their parents are at an older age and they take care of their parents for many years probably 5 years 6 years 10 years whatever the case may mean some of them they probably think to themselves my parents they raised me for 3-4 years and then I grew up and I started walking I started using the restroom on my own I started doing this and that but now I'm taking care of my parents for this whole time I've definitely paid them back the answer is no even despite that when we are caring for our parents at an older age we have never paid them back because when we were taking care of you when you were young when you were an infant when you were a newborn when you were so vulnerable they were seeing a bright future for you they were hoping for you to live long to attend your wedding they were hoping for you to be successful they were hoping for you to have they were having dreams for you but when you are taking care of your ill mother or your ill father are you having the same dreams for you many times people they say this is a test from Allah it's going to finish quickly let me be patient they're going to leave this life soon we're not having the same dreams for our parents as they had for us and this is because this is why we could never pay them back and then Allah says in the Quran فلا تطئ هما وصاحب هما في الدنيا معروفا and if they have ordered you if they are struggling and they are telling you to worship another God to be a مشرك Allah says in the Quran وإن جاهدك على أن تشرك بما ليس لك به علم if they are telling you to worship something that you have no knowledge of what does scholars here they say ما ليس لك به علم it's just talking about idol worship it has no substance it's not based upon knowledge so therefore Allah says ما ليس لك به علم something that you have no knowledge of something that you don't even agree to فلا تطئ هما don't obey them when they are telling you to do something wrong and here the religion of Islam tells us that every person they have to make their own decision your religion it should not be the religion of your parents even if you are a Muslim you have to become a Muslim based on conviction based on faith based on certainty you have to be convinced that this is the right religion so if your parents are forcing you to obey and worship and associate a partner with God something that you have no knowledge of don't obey them kindness is one thing and blind obedience is something else yes we are ordered we are requested to show kindness to our parents to show احسان to take care of our parents however that does not mean that you are an independent thinker and if they are telling you to do something wrong then you do not obey لا طاعة المخلوق في معصية الخالق this is a general principle they are telling you to disobey Allah سبحانه وتعالى then in this case you do not obey them in this case you do not obey them however Allah says in the Quran وصاحبهما في الدنيا معروفة but you still have to take care of them you still have to show that compassion show that love show that attachment to them take care of them provide for them because this is if you want to show appreciation to God then you have to show appreciation to your parents no matter what religion they are on Amen by the name of Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra Zahra ZAHRA Zahra Zahra Zahra يجب أن تفعل أكثر و أنت لن يجب أن تكون مسلم لا يعني أن أنت لن تكون أمانك لا يعني أنك لن يجب أن تبقى love and respect to her so this man زاكريا ابن أدم يذهب إلى his city and he starts taking care of his mother he starts showing her the love and the attachment he starts washing her feet he starts feeding her she was an old lady he starts taking care of her and she notices the difference she tells him oh my dear son زاكريا what has happened to you I see that you're acting very different now what has happened so he tells her oh my mother I joined the religion of Islam and I met a man who told me that now that you're a Muslim referring to Imam Sadaq now that you're a Muslim you want to show more love and care and attachment to your mother so she tells him is this man a prophet of God he tells her no he's not a prophet but he is from the progeny of a prophet he's from the descendants of a prophet so she says then I want to be on the same faith and same path as that man and she joins the religion of Islam and she dies having become a Muslim so زاكريا ابن عدم the next time he sees Imam Sadaq he tells him the story he tells him that my mother joined the religion of Islam as a result of the way you ordered me to deal with her just because you are a Muslim does not mean that you don't respect your parents if they're not Muslim or maybe they're not good people maybe they're not doing something that's moral something that's good you still have to show them that love you still have to show them that respect and that honor now what are our responsibilities what are our duties towards our parents how should they be treated الله says in the Quran in Surah Al-Isra' وقضى ربك اللى تعبدوا إلا إياه و بالوالدين إحسانا and your lord has decreed that you do not worship anyone other than him and you show إحسان to your parents what is إحسان إمام الصادق عليه السلام he says إحسان is that you serve them you take care of them before they ask you to take care of them some people they take care of their parents because their parents they're calling them they're telling them I need this and I need that that's not إحسان إحسان is when you go and you serve them before they ask you you see your mother your father they want to take medicine they need a cup of water before they get up and they take the water you go and you bring it to them you see that they're in need of anything they need medicine they need to go to the doctor they need something sometimes parents because they love their children so much they don't tell them they don't tell them when they need something sometimes they keep the pain when them they don't tell their parents so here اللى says و بالوالدين إحسانا when do you have to show that the most اللى tells us exactly when إما يبلغنا عندك الكبر أحدهما أو كلاهما usually your parents they don't need they don't like to burden their children when the parents are well they're good they're healthy they don't need anything but there comes a time when they become older that is the time that they are in need of their children إما يبلغنا عندك الكبر أحدهما أو كلاهما once they get older one of them or both of them so here that is the time that you have to show them إحسان that is the time that you have to treat them better than anyone else see with everyone else we are ordered to treat people with equality with عدالة justice if someone for example did something to me I have the right to do the same thing to that person but if my parents for example they were upset with me they yelled at me they did something do I have the right to do the same no it's حرام اللى says in the Quran فلا تقل لهم أفن ولا تنهرهما وقل لهم قولا كريما during their life when they're old or at any time don't even say of to them you know sometimes when some people when someone tells you to do something we make that sound of why do I have to do this the Quran says don't even say that to them the Imam says if there was anything less than of the Quran would have mentioned it that's something that's just a gesture that someone makes you're not saying anything you're just making that sound فلا تقل لهم أفن ولا تنهرهما don't yell at them don't rebuke them don't raise your voice at them وقل لهم قولا كريما and when you talk to them be very kind show love show attachment show respect to them this is during their life and then after their death after they leave this life وقل رب رحمهما كما رب يعني صغيرا oh Allah have mercy on my parents just as they raised me and they had mercy upon me when I was in need of mercy when I was young your parents are in need of your dua whether they're alive or they have passed on they are in need of your prayers and if you want your prayers for yourself to be accepted then you do dua for your parents أمان asks رسول الله صلى الله عليه و آله he tells him what are my obligations towards my father رسول الله tells him لا تمشي أمامه you don't walk in front of him meaning that you give him the respect he's the leader ولا تمشي أمامه ولا تستسب له do not be a reason that people will curse at your father you know in some cultures when they want to curse at someone they don't just curse at that person they curse at this person and their father and their grandfather and their whole family so رسول الله says ولا تستسب له don't do something so that people are going to curse your father ولا تستسب له ولا تجلس قبله don't go and sit in front of him before your father when you arrive somewhere you make sure your father has the chosen seat ولا تجلس قبله ولا تدعه بسمه and you do not call your father by his name and also all of these and you will fly to the mother as well and another hadith رسول الله صلى الله عليه وعاله says من سره because once you start doing that once you start caring for your parents you're going to see many blessings in your life and in your afterlife if you want الله سبحانه وتعالى to increase your wealth you want Allah to increase your life and prolong your life and give you more than you take care of your parents because in the الله سبحانه وتعالى has a system there are laws you do something here God will give you something else there's a cause and effect maybe we don't realize it but there is a system and this is something that Allah سبحانه وتعالى points out in the Quran and in the hadith of رسول الله صلى الله عليه وعاله رسول الله says من سره and you medd في عمره ويزداد في رسقه فاليمسي بارا لوالدي وصولا لرحمه if you want رسول الله is giving us a formula if you want to prolong your life and your risk your sustenance to be increased what do you have to do you have to be بار الوالدين you have to show love and respect and compassion to your parents وصولا لرحمه you have to be connected with your رحم anyone that you've shared a womb with meaning your relatives anyone that you share blood with this person you have to be connected with this person now someone always they come and they say what about this person they're disconnected with me they're disconnected with you you have to do your task you do your duty and they have their own responsibility you do what Allah سبحانه و تعالى is ordering you to do so Allah سبحانه و تعالى will prolong your life if you're good with your family and on the other hand anyone who's bad with the family then this person their life will be destroyed and their afterlife will also be destroyed عقوق الوالدين making your parents angry with you where they can't sleep the night because they're angry with you and they're really upset with you that's عق الوالدين that will destroy your life that's a formula for destroying your life and destroying your afterlife and this person is cursed in the Quran Allah سبحانه و تعالى curses this person in the Quran Allah says in the Quran this is the covenant between God because Allah says in the Quran و قضى ربك أن لا تعبدوا إلا إياه و بالوالدين ياحسانة و أصينا الإنسان بوالدين this is something that God has instructed you to do so this is a covenant that we have with God so those who break that covenant those who break that bond والذين ينقلون أهد الله من بعد مي ثاقه they disconnect the covenant with God what do they do و يقطعون ما أمر الله به أن يوصل و يفسدون في الأرض and they disconnect the relationship that God has told you to connect with with your parents with your family with your relatives و يفسدون في الأرض and they cause facade they cause oppression and tumult in the land و يفسدون في الأرض أولائك لهم اللعنة و لهم سوء الدار لعنة و لهم سوء الدار those are the people that are cursed by Allah meaning لعن means someone is barred from the mercy of Allah the mercy does not come to this person anymore و لهم سوء الدار and they have the worst ending they have the worst house in the afterlife so we have to be very careful for some people this is their test some people they pray they fast, they go to Hajj they do everything but their struggle is with their parents if that's your test then you have to know that this is a test that God is testing you with so you have to be very careful with it not to talk back not to say anything bad not to say anything that might anger your parents إمام الصادق عليه السلام he says he says سبحان الله this is such a scary hadith where the Imam he says if someone is frowning at his parents or her parents and the parents they are the wrongdoers they are the ones who are the wrongdoers الله will not accept the prayer of the one who is frowning at the parents meaning that even if they are in the wrong you still have to respect them because we mentioned earlier that the biggest wrong the greatest oppression is associating a partner with Allah and Allah says even despite that you still have to respect your parents so if they are wronging you you still have to respect them you do not reciprocate the same action that's your duty that's your responsibility الله سبحانه وتعالى and this is the teaching of the religion of Islam now yes you're not required to obey them in everything that they tell you to do when am I here scholars they talk about this when is it obligatory upon you to obey your parents and when does it become not obligatory here scholars say that what's haram is to hurt your parents it's haram to oppress your parents it's haram to anger your parents but it's not always wajib to obey them in everything that they do because there are some things that they want for you they like for you but they're not going to get upset for example your father tells you I want you to become a doctor like every Middle Eastern parent I want you to become someone who's very successful someone who's very rich you come and if you didn't do that are they really going to get upset are they really going to hate you for that most likely no most of the time your parents they want for your they want what's for your own success they want you to be successful so that's why their point of view of success is someone who's a doctor someone who's making millions of dollars that's not always the case by the way being successful is success in the eyes of Allah and someone who makes enough money to be able to take care of their family and live a happy life you don't need to live an extravagant lifestyle to be happy but anyways so imagine if your parents are telling you this is the job I want you to do and you couldn't do that that's not your interest and it doesn't really hurt them it doesn't really anger them but it's something that they liked for you to do it's not haram but for example if your parents are going to get upset and angry and they're going to be you know they're not going to want to talk to you anymore because of this then here you have to try to please your parents in the best way possible you have to try to please them but sometimes if your parents are telling you something that you know is wrong for example there are some parents when it comes to marriage they want to force their children to marry someone who the children do not want to marry that's wrong and the parents they need to put their shoes you know put themselves in the shoes of their children at the end of the day it's your children who are getting married you can't come and force them to get married to someone from this culture from this community from this background yes as a parent you have a duty to care for the well-being of your children you have a duty to you know raise them to help them make good decisions but not to make decisions for them there are some parents they want to make every single decision for their children that's also wrong let them choose let them choose how to live their life but as a parent you have to guide them and you have to get away so it's haram to hurt them but always listening to them sometimes they're not going to get upset if they're not going to get upset then it's okay to not do what they're asking you to do now sometimes even if there's something good that you want to do during the time of Rasulallah the Muslims were going out for jihad to sacrifice in the way of Allah and to defend the Muslims he comes to the prophet and he tells him I want to come but I'm the only son of my parents and they want me to stay with them Rasulallah tells him you stay with your parents and then Rasulallah says والذي نفسي بيده لأنسهما بك يوما وليلا خير من جهادي سنة I swear by the one who my soul is in his hand meaning God your parents happiness with you one day and one night is better will give you greater reward with Allah than jihad in the way of Allah for one full year this is how Allah سبحانه وتعالى will reward you and the satisfaction of the parents is very important it's important for this life and for the afterlife and during the moments of death if someone their parents are angry with them that moment is going to be very difficult for them I'll conclude with this story during the time of Rasulallah صلى الله عليه و آله there was a man who was dying a young man who was dying so the Muslims they came and they told Rasulallah this man is in the process of dying but he's not dying he's suffering he's not able to speak he's not able to say anything he's just suffering so Rasulallah comes because Rasulallah has a mercy Rasulallah stands over this person and he tells him سي أشهد أن لا إله الا الله سي أشهد أن لا إله الا الله but this person is a whole it's in a different world this person he cannot speak his tongue is tied he can't speak so Rasulallah he looks around he says are his parents around they say his mother is around he calls his mother he tells her are you satisfied with your son she tells Rasulallah to be honest with you no I'm not satisfied with him he says why she tells him this son of mine I cared for him I raised him I helped him I was crying for him I did everything for him as soon as he became older he started abusing me he started harassing me he would lay his hands at me and this broke my heart he got married he started favoring his wife over me and he started yelling at me he's always oppressing me I'm not happy with him so Rasulallah he tells her because you're not happy with him that is the reason why this person is not able to speak so please be happy with him be pleased with him ask Allah to forgive him she says ya Rasulallah I can't I'm too hurt he really hurt me it's been many years where he's been oppressing me all he does is abuse me after all that I did to him I can't so then Rasulallah he sees that he has no choice but to teach her and to teach her that her anger towards her son will cause him to suffer and to teach other people that when your parents are angry with you that will cause you to suffer so Rasulallah he tells the Muslims bring some firewood gather some firewood they gather some firewood and the mother is watching and then he tells them light the fire they light a fire and then Rasulallah he tells the people he says carry this young man and throw him in the fire as soon as Rasulallah says that the mother says ya Rasulallah what are you doing you want to burn my own son this is my son this is my baby he tells her you're a mother when you are not satisfied with your son this is how your son is going to be burnt in a fire that is much more severe than this fire so she realizes she says then I'm happy with him then I'll be satisfied with him and this is the mercy of a mother then the young man he was able to speak so Rasulallah comes to him he tells him what do you see he says I see an image an ugly image of a person choking me holding my neck and choking me and I can't speak so then Rasulallah he tells him repeat after me this dua oh he who accepts the little and forgives the many sins that we have done accept the little that I have and forgive the many that I have the many wrongs that I have Rasulallah kept telling the young man to repeat that then Rasulallah tells him what do you see now he says I see that that image is going away and a beautiful image is coming to me and then the man was able to finally say the Shahada he was finally able to say the word Shahada and the man died this is this shows us the importance of the parents being happy with you now one final point sometimes the parent and we have a hadith regarding this it says that if you're a parent don't force your children to become عق with you meaning don't put your children in a circumstance in a situation where you're going to have to be angry with them some parents they do that they put their children they corner them they put them in a situation where their children would be forced to disobey the parents there's actually a hadith which says may the curse of Allah be upon a parent that does that to their children because you are going to be the reason that you're barring your children from the mercy of Allah you're putting them in a tough circumstance yes because when they anger you they're going to suffer not only in this life and in the afterlife and finally the last point we have a duty towards our parents in this life and in the afterlife and after they've died after they left this life some people they say oh my parents are not alive anymore that means I don't have responsibilities towards my parents anymore no that's not the case you still have responsibilities towards your parents in a hadith from رسول الله he says سيد الأبرار يوم القيامة رجل بر والدي بعد موتهما the person who's the most بار الوالدين most connected to parents is the one who showed respect and love and attachment to parents after their death meaning that you keep doing to offer them you keep giving charity on their behalf you keep doing good things that are good on their behalf والحمد لله رب العالمين وصلى الله على محمد وعلى آله الطاهرين we ask Allah سبحانه وتعالى to make us be from the ones who are بار الوالدين who are connected and respectful to our parents اللهم أدخل على أهل القبور السرور اللهم أغني كل فقير اللهم أشبع كل جائع اللهم أكسوا كل عريان اللهم أقضي دينا كل مدين اللهم أفرج عن كل مكروب اللهم أردا كل غريب اللهم أفكا كل أسير اللهم أصلح كل فاسد من أمور المسلمين اللهم أشفي كل مريض اللهم سد فقرنا بغناك اللهم غير سوء حالنا بحسني حالك اللهم أقضي عن الدين وأغننا من الفاقر إنك على كل شيء قدير وإلى أرواح المؤمنين والمؤمنات نهدي ثواب الفاتح مع الصلوات