 Yo, yes. All right, that was Francis Adams Returning speaker awesome job. Thank you very much next speaker is a close friend and Co-coach with him at the social man He's been there since its founding his name is Nick Sparks, and he's a returning speaker to the 21 convention one of my favorites and a total badass Thank you for coming. Thank you Appreciate it Give another obligatory round of applause for Anthony for I mean this seriously is an amazing event, and I Appreciate being asked to come back here. I definitely appreciate it a lot. So thank you guys for having me Also, congratulations to yourself. Of course as I'm sure you've heard more than once Not every single person actually has the courage to stand up and make a change in their life Everybody's got issues. Everybody's got problems, but very few people actually do something about it. So Awesome on one hand. Also another reason to be you know, congratulate yourselves is that This has been going on for what now like five hours so far today multiple hours yesterday Yeah, six hours perhaps I don't know if I could pay attention or focus on anything for that long So the simple fact that you're able to do that Deserves its own round of applause as well It's it's interesting though. I kind of liken it an analogy I would use is actually listening to a woman as as Fran was talking about it up here earlier It can be difficult sometimes just like it's difficult to actually focus on hour after hour after hour after hour guys talking Why because well in this case you're tired your brains have Processed so much shit and it's can only process so much more in those cases when you've got a beautiful woman standing in front of you Your heart's pounding your head's going it can be hard to actually listen and pay attention in that case without Thinking a million different thoughts at the same time So it can draw a little analogy between what you're doing right now the actual focusing skills it takes and talking to a girl Yeah, it's not really part of my speech, but I just thought of that So Why am I here? What am I doing standing here? I'm not going to talk about who I am I mean who really cares honestly Well, it started about 27 years ago when my mother gave birth to me. No, nobody really cares I want to talk about why I'm here though because that's the important part. That's what's actually matters What am I doing here? Why am I standing in front of you? Exactly, I don't know I Mean the the obvious thought is that I'm standing here because you guys want to learn to get better at talking to girls It's the obvious one However, that's not why I'm here. I mean, yes, I'm a dating coach for a living It's what I do, but that's really at the root of it not why I'm here It may be a Symptom of why I'm actually standing here why you guys are all sitting in the room right here But it's not why I'm standing up here the reason why I'm up here and the reason why you guys are all sitting in those seats right now is That bear with me because I'm going to explain myself is that We are living in a society That's been dominated by fear It sounds a little kooky. Let me explain myself. What the hell does that mean once again? We live in a society we live in a world country culture whatever you want that's been dominated by fear Why do I say that? Why do I make such a broad sweeping general statement like that? Reason being is that look at dating in our culture look at meeting and talking to members of the opposite sex How should it be? If there wasn't any fear involved what would happen you'd be out someplace Maybe at a coffee shop, maybe at a bar, maybe walking down the street You see a girl that you're attracted to you see a girl that you like you walk up to her Hey, I think you're cute. I'd like to get to know you more and the girl thinks to herself for a second Either Yeah, you seem all right too I'd like to get to know you better and you guys start talking and get to know each other better and decide if you Want to make babies or not or? she decides I Don't feel the same way no offense Maybe you know, I've got a lot on my mind. It's just not a good time for me It's just not going to work out and you say I completely understand no harm no foul And you just simply walk down to the next girl that you see that tickles your interest Say the same thing to her and she decides makes the decision easy simple the way it should be Almost too easy. Why can't it be that way? Why? because there's fear everywhere When you're walking up your mind is racing. Oh my god. So what should I say? Well, what? Is she what is she gonna reject me? Is she not going to reject me? What is she gonna think about this right now is anybody else gonna see me get rejected? You're trying to make a conversation happen and it's like okay. What do I say? What do I say? What do I say? How do I do this? I want to do this, but I'm not sure I'm gonna get rejected here And you're not the only one feeling fear. That's for shit. Sure She's got to be worrying the entire time too is this guy a Douchebag is this guy an asshole is this guy gonna break my heart the way the last guy did is this guy a Psycho killer who's gonna chop me up into little pieces and leave me in the trunk of his car and then feed me to his cats Once my body, you know gets a little smelly. I don't know somebody might think that Maybe not maybe it's just me She's got a lot of shit on her mind. How do I look? Do I look prettier than other girls here? Does my hair look okay today? I look fat in this dress? fear Everywhere and you all know exactly what I'm talking about because you've all felt it You wouldn't be sitting right here if you didn't feel it especially in relation to women. It's that feeling in your chest Kind of creeps up. It feels really shitty fear anxiety doubt And it sets off negative thoughts it sets off self-defeating thoughts and actions Happens to everybody it happens all the time it happens when you're trying to talk to a girl Happens maybe at work. Maybe at school All all over your life you have pressure on something you get that shitty feeling and what happens We've developed in our society a ton of ways of dealing with it of Making it go away of avoiding it. What do we do we I? Don't know we we have another drink. Maybe we smoke maybe we You know go on our computer and just watch Mindless things to avoid doing something that we don't really want to do. I really like the blue screen Anthony. What are you doing? Either way We maybe pull out our phone and just stare at our phone. Do we really need to check our phone? But no I because it's easier. It's comfortable Instead of dealing with the shit that my mind could be dealing with. Oh, no Get my mind off of it. I Focus on some other shit There's a million different things you could be doing because actually facing it actually looking at right in the eye It sucks it doesn't it feels like you want to get this far away from it as possible And it's everywhere in our lives. We've got a million ways to avoid it. We've got no real way to stand up to it It's just there. It's something we deal with every single day and it sucks That's why I'm here That's why I'm standing in front of you guys right now because it's my job Beyond all other things to teach you to break through it to stand up to it to overcome it when it happens in your life in relation to women and Coincidentally as you grow gain confidence from that it affects every other part of your life where this has happened It's a it's a skill. It's a talent and what's the the root of this? How do I do it at the very core? It's the magic. I say a couple of magic words and it's gone. No The way that I do this it's basically based on a very simple foundational principle And of course there's more specifics and I'm gonna get into more specifics But it's based on something very simple. It's based on the fact that when you feel like crap Your body goes over goes through a very significant very powerful physiological change It's eeks out of every pore of your body every single muscle in your body is a slave to this feeling And when you feel great when you're feeling on top of the world when you are feeling amazing Your entire body your entire physiology is affected by it it's Reeks out of every single pore in your body. That's why you've each had times when sometimes you're just You can't explain it, but you can go up and talk to any girl you want to everything's just rolling you get in the zone Women are loving you things are going great Maybe it was in the honeymoon phase of a relationship Maybe it was a night when you just drank a little bit too much, but you can't put your finger on exactly What was going on, but you were just feeling it and you were amazing. You all have the potential inside of you It's you at your core. It's not a figment of your imagination that was doing that. That's who you are Sometimes a lot of times especially in our world though, unfortunately fear doubt Anxiety creeps in and holds you back Restricts you cuts you off ties you up closes you up That's why we have expressions out there like he's really coming out of his shell that shell being the shit He's actually being more comfortable. He's really opening up It's what those expressions mean quite literally and this physiological change that occurs is very significant because Everyone else around you is aware of it Maybe they're not thinking they're not thinking about the stuff the way I do They're not conscious of every little shift that happens, but they can feel it especially women are very very intuitive as we all know they can they can tell from a mile away how you're feeling and unfortunately Feelings are contagious Nobody wants to feel shitty, right? I mean, that's pretty universal. Nobody likes feeling shitty So when you're feeling shitty when you're feeling anxious Your body is giving off all the signs that you're feeling anxious Anybody who gets a whiff of that around you you're always going to be universally repelling to everyone Everybody's gonna be like I'm getting the fuck away from that. I mean unless they're your friends They have to deal with you they have to be like is everything okay, buddy. Are you feeling all right? However when you're feeling great and your whole body is reeking that maybe it's when you're around your very best friends And you're having a great time and you're comfortable Or around your family around, you know people that just get you you can be yourself around and your whole body is radiating that you're feeling good Feelings being contagious everybody wants to feel good. So when you're sending off those signals, you're going to be universally attractive to everyone around you So here's the the linchpin of it all is that if it were the case that Whenever you're feeling shitty you always Radiate shittiness Oh Erica Whenever you're feeling great, you're always radiating these positive energy then my advice to you today right now would be simple I would simply say well When you feel good Go out and talk to people when you feel crappy lock yourself in the house. Don't talk to anyone Thank you guys. It's been my pleasure to be here today and Unfortunately, that would be awful advice Wouldn't be very good advice at all and luckily there's something that we can do about this little dynamic there's something that we can do to Turn it on its head so to speak Your physiology will always follow your feelings except for one Situation where it doesn't there's one time in one time only where your physiology will not follow your feelings and That one time in one time only is when you consciously focus on your physiology a Mentor of mine gave me very wise words one time. He told me that Either you can let your feelings control your actions or you can let your actions control your feelings Probably some of the most profound words I've ever heard in my life and it resonates through everything you you don't feel like going to the gym You don't feel like working out you feel tired. I don't feel like working out so you don't work out You feel even crappier or you say I know I feel like crap I know I don't I feel like not going to the gym, but I'm gonna fucking do it I'm going to do it anyway. I swore too much last year. I didn't want to do it again this year I'm gonna do it anyway So you go to the gym you work out you get your blood flowing the endorphins start going and all of a sudden what happens You feel great afterwards man. I always feel amazing after my workout. I should do it more Either your feelings are gonna dictate your actions or your actions are going to dictate