 Ranger Bill, warrior of the woodland, struggling against extreme odds, traveling dangerous trails, fighting the many enemies of nature. This is the job of the guardian of the forest, Ranger Bill, pouring rain, freezing cold, blistering heat, snow, floods, bears, rattlesnakes, mountain lions. Yes, all this in exchange for the satisfaction and pride of a job well done. Hi there, boys and girls. Say, didn't I tell you once that all the crazy things that could ever happen to us rangers had happened? Well, I was wrong. This is a story that will show you just what we have to put up with in this business. Being a ranger isn't all glory in marching bands and newspaper stories. In fact, being a firefighter doesn't mean that all the fires we have to fight are real, live flaming ones. Yes, sir, this is a crazy one, all right, but true, nevertheless. Well, let's get on with the story. The Mad Bass. It was a nice, quiet day in Naughty Pine. Stumpy was catching 40 wings, and the rest of the fellows were relaxing and enjoying the calm. We just came back from five days of fighting a brush fire near Central City, and we sure appreciated the chance to rest. But that's about all we got, the appreciation. Well, go back to sleep, Stumpy. It's only the phone. Ranger Ed Quarters, Bill Jefferson speaking. My place is being overrun with bats. Bats? Yes, bell. Oh, yes, man. I can smell all right. Well, what are you going to do about it? I don't really know, ma'am. They'll leave in a few days. Is that so? I don't think they will. Why do you think that? Because they're sick bats, and one of them bit me. It did? Yes, right on the finger. The horrible things will die here. Listen, stay away from them, and we'll be right out. Where are you located? Seven miles straight out River Road, the big White House. Thank you. We'll be there in a few minutes. Mr. Jefferson? Yes? Where are the bats, Mrs. Phipps? Around bat. Come along, and I'll show you. All right, thank you. This is the one that bit me. Say, I thought you said the place was being overrun. Well, I guess I was so excited that I exaggerated a little. Actually, there are only three bats. One here on the bush, and the other two under the groggies. Let me see that bite wound. It's nothing really. Just a little gash in my finger. Really, I feel rather foolish now. I get excited so easily. Why do you call them angels? This is my neighbor Hazel Fromm, Mr. Jefferson. How do you do? Very well, thank you. What's this all about? Let me see your finger, Mrs. Phipps. Oh, very well. But you're making a federal case out of this, really. Land sick, Sadna. Did the bat really bite you? Yes, indeed. You know they have awfully sharp teeth. Are you ladies stay away from those sick bats? I'm going to radio for some specialists to look at the creatures. Really, Mr. Jefferson? Aren't you being a bit dramatic about this? Well, that's what you get for calling those rangers. They always make such a big issue of everything. I'll be back shortly and stay away from those sick animals. Ranger One to headquarters. Ranger One to headquarters. Headquarters to Ranger One. Henry, call Fulton McCormick and have him come right out here on the double. Right. What's up? I'll tell you later. Are you Stumpy and Graywolf? Get over here pronto. Over and out. Mr. Jefferson, I'm Martin Phipps. Yes, I know. How are you, Mr. Phipps? I'm irritated. You always make such a big issue out of everything? When it's important enough, we do, yes. I suppose this is? It is. Mr. Jefferson, how can three sick bats be so terrible important? Bats carry rabies, Mr. Phipps. Great, Scott. You don't think that Edna is... I'm sorry, Mr. Phipps, but you asked for it. I've sent for expert help. In the meantime, don't breathe a word of this to anyone. Not even to my wife? Especially her. But, but of all people, she should be told, shouldn't she? In due time, yes. But first of all, we don't know if this sick bat is rapid. And secondly, your wife is highly excitable. And the fear and shock of the news might do more damage than the rabies. We can give her the pastoral treatment for the disease, but there isn't much we can do for hysteria and panic in her case. Why did she have to touch the horrible thing anyhow? Sympathy. But no one should ever handle a sick animal, especially a strange animal. Let the experts do it. I agree. Edna received a kiss of death just because she tried to be kind to a sick little creature. Fulton, this is the bath that bit Edna Fipps. Yeah, he's as sick as a dog, all right. I'll take a close look. You're not gonna grab it. Excuse me, Fulton. I didn't see that mechanical claw you're carrying. This gadget holds him tight, though. Let's see what it looks like close up. Well, what do you say? Well, if this bat doesn't have rabies, I'll eat my shirt, button small. But I'll have to make a lab test to avoid any errors. How long will it take? Oh, not too long. I think you can catch the other bats and put them in the cage while I hotfoot it back to the lab. Oh, I'm sure we can, Fulton. Good. Let's go to the truck and I'll put this one away where it can't do any harm, and then you take the claw. Okay, let's get going. Open the cage, pal. It's open. All right. Here comes bat number two. Watch yourself. Right. I'm going to release him now, Henry, and jerk the claw out quickly. You slam the gate and lock it. All right. I'm ready. Okay, now. Got him. Hey, the jumping Willy is fooling with those sick bats. Even if I had my way, I'd use a shotgun on him and make sure they couldn't bite nobody. I would too, old timer, but Fulton wants them for lab study. We've got to find out if these bats are rabid too. I think maybe your first bat is only case. Well, that could very well be the case, Gray Wolf. All right, let's get the other one in the cage and we can relax. You ready, pal? Sure. Now, this time, don't open the door until I'm ready to fling the bat into the cage. Okay. There you got him. All right. You ready with the door? Ready. I'll fling him into the cage and release the claw at the same time. Open up. Mr. Jefferson, is there any definite word you can give me? No, Mr. Fips, not yet. We're going to the lab right now. I'll let you know as quickly as I can as soon as the specialist has the answer. The first bat definitely has rabies, or I should say had rabies. Wow. Well, he's right, Henry. I've been doing research on animal diseases for a long time. I've read thousands of pages of veterinary history. But you know, this is the first time I've ever run across mad bats. Hey, how about the other two, sonny? Oh, no rabies as yet. I'll keep them under observation and see what happens. Oh, this is going to be a tough job. You said it, Gray Wolf. Now, first thing that I've got to do is tell Martin Fips to get his wife to adopt her pronto. In the meantime, you fellas patrol the area with shotguns and kill any and all bats that you see in the area. Maybe we ought to have one of them there and aircraft guns for this job. He said it, old timer. Oh, maybe not too many bats around, I hope. Well, let's go, fellas. And make sure you've got a good supply of shells. Mrs. Fips. Just call us Edna and Martin. It's so much easier. All right. Edna, you're going to have to go to a doctor at once for anti-rape shots. Oh, man's sakes. Seems to me that's being awfully cruel. Hazel, have you ever seen a person die of rabies? No, my. No, my man's sakes, no. Well, it's a good thing because all your hair would turn snow white. For the love of Mike, Bill. A pasture treatment will prevent that. Thank the Lord for Louis' pasture. Well, you better get going right now. Yes, sir. Come along, Edna. I'll drive you over this instant. Well, what about the other bats that might fly around us? Suppose we'll... Well, I have to take rabies shots before this whole thing is over. Hazel, don't start pressing on the panic button. If you do, you and everyone else will be sorry they did. Well, young man, are you threatening me? When panic starts, someone always gets hurt. If you start talking panic, I'll have to arrest you. That's no threat. That's a promise. Hello, folks. Thanks for stopping by. No, I think nothing of it. What can I do for you? You can tell us where the mad bat came from. Now you think I'm a magician, eh? I thought you could see everything when you look through that there high-powered microscope. I wish I could, old timer. How much do you know about bats, wooden? Well, not very. I know they won't try to land in your hair as popularly believed. A few have, but it's been pure accident. I know they live in caves as well as civilized hideouts. Beyond that, I don't know. I can see you. We ain't going to get very far here. I better go over and spell off Henry and Greywold from maddy aircraft duty. Hold on a second, old timer. I'll go with you. All right. Me easier to hire a couple of grown-up owls to stand guard duty than to have us walking around day and night them their shotguns. So you've got something there, old timer? What's he got? Perhaps if we got us some grown-up owls, we could keep the bats out of town for a while. Yes, bats are scared to death of owls. Who gives a hoot if they scare them to death or not as long as they keep them out of town? You, Hyram, you listen now. It ain't just right for us town folks to have to watch the air we walk in for those silly rabid bats. Now Hazel, don't go getting yourself all hit up about it. There ain't nothing to fret about. Oh, it ain't, huh? Well, now listen, Hyram. Suppose you tell me why those rangers are walking up and down our streets and even our backyards. Why, look at them with those loaded shotguns. You don't think they're shooting at fallen stars, do you? I know them rangers are out there parading around like tin soldiers, so that takes the worry out of it for me. Well, I don't know about that. Now, what if one of them gets two? Oh, neither. That was dead bat. Eh, that's a fine example of what I was saying, Hazel. Why worry? Oh, bat's gonna get by them ranger fellas. Hmm, maybe yes and maybe no. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna talk to Wally Peters. Maybe he can see the danger and do something about it. Oh, it won't be hard to see the danger. I've seen it. And just what do you mean by that, Samar? Why, 50 of them bats ain't near as bad as your big mouth. Two, three, four, double slow march. You get bored, Henry? Yeah, bored and tired. I mean, I can flat feet to killing me. You and paddle rooks. Well, if a single day went by without him blessing his flat feet, I'd say he was sick. You say the same thing if you walk as many miles as he has. You know something, Grey Wolf? Oh, no, what? We'd better get some help out here. It's getting dust now. Those bats will be, why they'll be thicker than fleas on a hound dog's ear before long. You speak truth. Soon we get their car on radio for help. How's Edna, Martin? She's fair. The shots are rather harsh. Harsh? Why, they're positively brutal. The poor deer. Why, she looks like she's been pulled through a knothole. Hazel, please, not now. Why not? Suppose we're all bitten by mad bats and have to suffer so horribly. Land sinks. I sure wish the boss ranger here would do something besides talk. I am. What have you got in mind, Bill? We're going to bring in some large owls and see if they can chase the bats back to their caves. Owls? Say, that sounds like a first-class idea. First-class, my foot. All we'll hear then is who... Well, that just might be better than hearing your magpie voice ten hours a day. Yet at the, yet at the, yet at the... Well, I declare, I could see I'm not appreciated around here. Can't you, Mr. Jefferson? Yes, I believe I can, Hazel. If I were you, I'd go home and busy myself with my own business. Thanks, Bill. Oh, forget it, Martin. Perhaps you can return the favor sometime. The first chance I get, and that won't be long if I know Hazel. Mm-hmm, you don't say. Yeah, she bruises easy. You're fortunate she hasn't started a panic already. Well, my boys are keeping an eye on Hazel as well as the bats. She'd better not stray too far from home while visiting the neighbors, or she can think it over in the cooler. A whole truckload of wisdom here. Okay, Folt. Wonder if they'll stay around. Ah, sure. There ought to be plenty for them to do here. Hey, I just thought of something important. What's that, pal? What if the owls catch rabies from the bats? I don't think so. And for this reason. Yes, I want to hear because I thought of the same thing. Owls and hawks and eagles catch their prey with their talons or claws and pounce them to death. Sure, but... Well, then they eat their prey with their beaks? I doubt very much that they eat the bats. I don't follow you. Well, it's much the same as a cat killing a rat. The cat strikes and grabs the rat with the back of the neck, and snaps the rat's spine and drops them. Cats get sick if they eat a rat, but they'll kill them nevertheless, every chance they get. You'd all think that the owls will eat the bats? No, I don't. There's much more appetizing prey for them to eat. You're right, Bill, you know. Another point is that their talons and beaks are hard-crusted. You might say arm it. I doubt a bat could bite through that. Right. Well, let's unload the owls so they can chase the bats back where they came from. Yeah. Then we've got to find out where that is. Then, sakes Edna, how can you stand all those owls hooting and hollering around here all night long? Well, they don't bother me in the least, Hazel. I'll be thankful to the owls if they keep the bats away. In fact, Martin is making a feeding station for the owls, so they stay around all year. My word, I never did hear. Imagine encouraging those noisy things to stay. I do declare. Well, I declare that it's better than having to go through the pasture treatment again. Oh, you poor deer. You poor, poor deer. Those rangers, they ought to be ashamed of themselves for letting you get bitten by that filthy old bat. Hazel, don't talk foolishness. If you pick up a rattlesnake, you can expect to get bitten. I'll never touch another sick animal as long as I live. Well, I better go about and see the neighbors. It's swearing on towards no time. Remember what Bill said about you talking panic around? Oh, Edna, he was just fooling. No, he wasn't. And you mind him here? Oh, I hear. Great day in the morning. It's why it's getting so. A body can't go around talk to folks anymore without getting put in jail. Why, you'd think a few harmless words are just about as bad as babies. Well, you might think they're harmless, my dear, but the neighbors may not. You wouldn't want them shooting each other, would you? Ha, ha, ha, fan-six. You're talking out just like those silly old rangers. People don't look like bats. Well, when a body's panic-stricken, that just might be. Fear is an awful, powerful thing in a body. It can even make them kill. Pusset can't eat over here, Bill. Okay, Henry. Thanks. Uh, Stumpy, you've got your order straight now? Yep, sure am straight, young filler. Well, we should be back in about ten days. Ah, maybe we find right cave full of bats right off bat. And be careful you don't get your bats mixed up, Stumpy. I try, Stumpy. Range your headquarters, Bill Jefferson speaking. Oh, yes, Martin. Nice to hear from you. How's Edna? That's fine. Oh, she is, huh? Yes, indeed. Thanks for calling, Martin. I'll take care of the problem right away. Goodbye. Hazel, we'll shoot off Moth again. You said it. Old Timer, you'd better hop over there and close it. All right, come on, fellas. Let's saddle up and hit the trail. But Stumpy, you wouldn't arrest a lady now, would you? Well, that all depends, Hazel. All I've been doing is, well, I was just talking friendly with all the neighbors. Isn't that harmless? Well, that all depends. Maybe I ought to teach you a little about law. Well, now that might be a good thing. You know what? I've got some fresh baked apple pie in the kitchen and some nice hot coffee. Officer of the law? Couldn't do a thing like that. I was just trying to be sociable. Well, lead me to the kitchen and that apple pie. A plot panel. There must be hundreds of them in here. Yeah, at least. How we look for rabbit, that's in this mob. Mob is right. There must be a half a dozen mobs in here. That's impossible, John. I'll say it is. What are we going to do, Bill? Well, we could gas them. The whole mess of them? Yeah. I can't see killing them in mass. There must be several more caves as large or larger than this one. They're crawling with bats. Wow. Is there any way of isolating the bats? It might be sick. Only way to tell that is to be bat. I'm afraid you're right, Red Bull. Well, what are we going to do? Just leave them here? I'm afraid our hands are tied, pal. I'll get better this way. I always keep bats out of town. We don't find sign of more rather than that. There are times when it's best to leave well enough alone. I believe that's the best thing for us to do, all right? Let's go back to town and find out how the old timer is making out. Okay. That ought to be more fun than looking at these bats. You look like a cat that swallowed a pail of cream. What's up, old timer? Nothing at all. Everything is quiet as a graveyard. What to do with Hazel and put in jail? You fellas are too harsh on the old girl. She just won a little attention. That's all. Now we're getting to the middle of the problem. And I'm beginning to smell a skunk in the brush pile. Come on, stop. Be spill it. How'd you quiet her down? Yeah, I'll be. Psychologically and three slices of apple pie. Come on. You talk now or I lift your scalp plenty quick. Didn't you ever hear of a woman getting mad while you bowled her out and ate her fresh baked apple pie at the same time? You did that? No. Talking so since I ride her a panic and not telling the facts as it should be told and about disturbing the peace. How'd you make out? Fine. Just fine. Yes, sir. That's... I sure wish the old timer had saved some for us, the old glutton. But he did the trick and we had no more trouble from his. Nor did we have any more rabid bats come in town or anywhere else for that matter. We never will know, I guess, where the one rabid bat came from. But it did make medical history. But not the kind of history I like to help make. See you next week for more adventure with...