 So most of you who have been following me know that I'm in a pretty healthy happy relationship At this point in my life, but I will tell you when I went through my divorce back in 2005 I was a train wreck and as a train wreck I was out in the dating marketplace looking for someone to basically How shall I say fill the void that was going on inside of me? And why I'm bringing this up is because there are a lot of men out there Who are actually dating or out in the dating marketplace because they're trying to fill the void inside of them and This void oftentimes causes their behavior to be Manipulative now. I just want to share with you. I think most men are good people Most women are good people. I just believe that most people who are seeking love at midlife are Actually just bad daters and on a subconscious level. They don't realize that they might actually be Manipulating someone by their behavior now I know many of you would like to point the finger that men are bad and And that they're no good and they're jerks and and that is true. There are some real dicks out there There are guys who are real assholes. There's no doubt about it, but at the same time I also believe that most men who are as I said are in the dating marketplace these days in midlife are Actually wounded individuals. These are men who are hurting Emotionally on the inside and it might not look like it on the outside. In fact, they're out life might look perfect on the outside Or they could be like me I was a train wreck both on the inside and the outside and what I mean by train wreck is Shortly after my now ex-wife and I filed for divorce I lost my quarter million dollar a year job in the marketplace or in Quarter million dollar your job. I got wiped out in the 2008 2009 crash And I got addicted to drugs and alcohol as a way to numb the pain and another way I numb the pain was I was actively on the online dating world Now I'm sharing this with you because I Represent a significant type of or I represent a type of man who is out there in the dating marketplace And I can tell you well and I was seeking someone to fill that void I was seeking someone to help make me feel good about myself I was feeling so down on myself that I'm not good enough I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and I put myself out in the dating world Just to have someone give me some validation Just a little bit because I was in such a low place in my life And while I was practically at rock bottom a lot of people are just down They're depressed and certainly what's happened in the world the last few years might have amplified this and what happens is when we're feeling Emotionally down we go outside for validation and in that process We might actually do something that might seem like we manipulate someone and again I don't believe most men do this intentionally I believe what I'm about to share in a few moments is done on a subconscious level and yet if you're here's the challenge They may not be doing it to intentionally hurt you But if you feel hurt after one of these experiences Oftentimes you label men bad you label people bad you actually I'm gonna say it I see a lot of women who become bitter and jaded after these experiences and all that do is all that's going to do is Attract more of what you don't want. Let me repeat that's gonna attract more of what you don't want So even though the title here is how to spot those guys are gonna manipulate you I'm also gonna share with you some ways that you can be a standout So that you can actually attract the kind of man that you truly desire now really quickly if this is resonating with you So far do me a favor hit that like button Please share this video subscribe to my channel if you're brand new to my channel Also, if after this video you go, oh my god This guy resonates with me you'd like some port support check out the link right here to a free Discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you and also click on the description of this video I'm sharing why you should because there's a lot of great content there that you might find after this video is over All right, so let's jump into those five ways a man might manipulate a woman So I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses because I can barely see the screen these days. I'm gonna put my notes up on the screen All right so again These oftentimes are done on a subconscious level and what I will share with you afterwards is how to become that kind of person That I think will allow you to attract or land a really good guy or that high-quality guy. So number one Folks this is a manipulation. I know it's not gonna sound like it But I think it is when a man says I want a relationship Now why I say this and I'm laughing a little bit is because when I was going through my crash in 2005 when I was a train wreck when I was addicted to drugs and alcohol when I Practically was broke at that period of my life. I kept saying I wanted a relationship Now what's interesting is I genuinely thought I did want a relationship and Sure enough shortly about nine months after we filed for divorce. I met a woman a really great woman We began the journey of exploring a relationship together and what happened was when it got to Intimate not physically intimate, but when it got when there was more emotional Responsibility required in the relationship. I pulled away saying I'm not ready for a relationship so When a man says I want a relationship that could be a manipulation technique now I'm being a little tongue-in-cheek on this one But what I'm really inviting you to do is to actually get more details when a guy says he wants a relationship So for example, let's just say that you want a relationship that looks like this We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest We spend time with family and friends. We travel together We do teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life We have intimacy both physical and an emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married Or something more concrete and serious That's one form of relationship when a guy says I want a relationship and then he says well, let's just take it slow Let's just see where it goes. I don't want any pressure I've been hurt before well then find out what he actually means with the word Relationship because I just outlined one way of a relationship and what it would look like But if a guy doesn't have a clue of what a relationship looks like for him Or he doesn't even know what commitment looks like for him It might be a temporary Manipulation technique to get you into bed and I say this from personal experience because for the first few years after my divorce I kept saying I wanted a relationship. I wanted a relationship I'd have sex with a woman all of a sudden I'd say I'm not ready for a relationship And I did this habitually for about a year or two now Quite frankly, I always thought if I met the woman that would change my mind I would shift that perspective And when I said I wasn't ready for a relationship on some level I wasn't ready for a relationship with this person and at the same time I really wasn't ready for a relationship the ground underneath me didn't feel solid I didn't genuinely love on myself By the way, if you're not familiar with my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help and spiritual work again in the description below is a list of the books I recommend While I'm sharing this with you this really outlines my journey from my divorce where I hit a crash and Then worse losing my 19 year old son Connor in an accident That's a picture of him right there. That's him right there I hit the lowest point of my life and I found the strength to actually lean into What it means to genuinely love on oneself and I wrote a book about that So I invite you to do that for yourself because that's one of the prerequisites To landing a good quality guy Okay, number two the way a guy might try to manipulate you He tells you his sob story. He tells you his sob story now I will tell you that after my divorce I shared the sob story and what I mean was the sob story was how miserable my marriage was and How I wanted to be in that committed type of relationship that sob story and there was a lot of dumping on the person which was actually My therapy I wasn't doing this intentionally to hurt someone I didn't realize that when I was giving the sob story when I was dumping on someone I was using them for therapy under the guise that I wanted a relationship. That's right I was using them for therapy not in an intentional way to hurt someone. It just happened to be that's what happened So be careful of the man that tells you his sob story and be careful of telling your own sob story And while it's important to do some reflection on the past which I'm about to share with you be careful when you You bond with each other through your traumas because two people that bond through their traumas Oftentimes don't have the foundation underneath them to support a healthy happy relationship So be aware of the guy that tells you a sob story number three Okay, this is another thing I did I fed women alcohol in the early stage of the dating process I drank a lot to help break down the walls and barriers and when a guy is trying to feed you alcohol Oftentimes he's hyper focused on the physical aspects of a relationship But it's also a technique I mean I say it's manipulation only in the sense that it can break down those barriers those walls That you might have and it might cause you to feel closer to someone When actually there isn't a real bond there now again, I didn't I think because I was such a train wreck In that part of my in that period of time in my life that I did this and I will tell you guys that drink quite a bit on Those first second or third dates, and I don't mean you know I mean I'm talking about the guys that have gone past four or five drinks I think that's an excess if you've had a Four if there's more than one drink an hour or one drink every half hour. That's a problem But for the most part, you know, most people do keep it to two drinks But if someone's trying to feed you alcohol, that's also a way of avoiding their own problems and Causing you to drop your boundaries and your barriers And when I say barriers, I don't mean it in the sense of having armor up I'm just seeing just saying to make you now in some ways it can be truths there I'm so there is a benefit to it But the same time I'd be careful of the guys that kind of over emphasize this and I think you know this I think you get this one Okay, number four He's argumentative his he's disagreeable. He's using gas lighting techniques on you to undermine your confidence people that are argumentative disagreeable with you and what I mean by argumentative disagreeable is like It's the guys that give you crap that kind of that say, oh, you know, it might say, you know I've seen women who dress better stuff like that to undermine your confidence. I Think that's a gas lighting technique. This is also known as negging when someone is negative towards you They're disagreeable. They're argument. They're trying to undermine your confidence Negging is a neuro linguistic programming technique to undermine you to drop your boundaries to drop your barriers So you actually feel a sense of attachment to this person now Let me tell you where this stems from Or when I say stems from why you might be susceptible to this If you're not familiar with the work of Harvelle Hendricks and Helen Hunt I highly recommend checking out the book getting the love you want. This talks about the amago. I am a GO can someone write that in the chat box? I am a GO we oftentimes become attractive to people that are like one or both of our parents and In this particular case when a man is trying to under calm undermine your confidence These are men that suspect that you have daddy issues and if you possibly have daddy issues by undermining your confidence allows him to become in the authority in this particular case and Then there's a true manipulation because you basically have a one-up one-down type relationship They're in a superior place because they've undermined your confidence And so be careful of those argumentative disagreeable people that gaslight you they're trying to break your confidence and they're negging you Which is negate being negative towards you as a way to break down your walls and barriers and number five He is secretive about his past or where he stands in his life. I see so many people saying oh, I need to be private Listen, if you're engaging in getting to know another human being by being private I understand why you might not feel a sense of trust with someone And I want to share with you a technique or at least what happened in my life to build that level of trust But if people are secretive about their past if they're not being forthright in their current Stage of their life. I believe that that's an unhealthy way to approach the process of getting to know someone because quite frankly You know a good indication indicator of the future is how someone Experienced their past and then from that experience. How did they grow from their past? How did they heal from their past because a lot of people are actually Hiding their past because they're stuck in their past and they haven't healed they haven't grown. This is why I highly recommend Reading the book if you're stuck in the past how to be an adult in relationships The five keys to mindful loving I highly recommend checking this out again all the books. I recommend are in the Spot below when you actually learn to get past and heal from your past You have a greater chance of having relationship success and you're less likely to be susceptible To those men or women who are actually stuck in their past because when you're standing in your Empowerment when you're standing in your victor consciousness, you're less likely To be attractive to those types of people So just to recap that he says he wants a relationship. I would challenge him number two He tells you a sob story And I've shared mine number three. He feeds you alcohol in the early stages of dating process number four He's argumentative disagreeable trying to undermine your confidence He's negging you and gaslighting you and number five. He's secret about his past or worries currently in his life so I share all this Because I've been reflecting on my current relationship like my my I don't even like saying current relationship The relationship I'm in Current sounds like it could change and I'm hopeful. That's not the case um What's interesting and why I wanted to share this today in this live stream is that I was this morning I was having a conversation with her and I was talking about you know, I was I was sharing some of the comments I was reading on my youtube channel and I was really felt Saddened by what I read by many women who have felt like they've been used by men I was felt very saddened that they haven't found someone so I I kind of said What did you do to land me? What did you do to land me is kind of what the conversation I thought of And as I started to reflect on how our progression happened And there's a picture of my sweetheart and I right there that was actually technically our second date Or when we went to a wedding together I started to think back, you know, our first communication happened Almost a year before we actually physically met Now partially that's because there was distance between the two of us And what happened is she reached out on a dating app or dating Website, let me say I'm just going to be public and that was match.com. We met through match.com And our first and she reached out because she was considering moving out to my city So and I was quite frankly, I wasn't interested in engaging, you know With someone who because I'm not interested in a long distance relationship But we ended up having a chat on the phone And since I wasn't taking this too seriously I actually practice one of the techniques I teach in my private coaching really quickly And I'd come up with my 15 most critical questions that were important to me To determine if we're compatible with one another. In fact, I think each, you know, there's this there's this there's this New york times article that came out I can't remember if new york times are where the 36 questions to ask someone on a date While there is some good valuable information. I think it's quite generic. I think what's more important is you identify What's the most important things in your life? What are your genuine dealbreakers? Get a sense of your values your lifestyle And again, that's something I teach in my private coaching so you can schedule a discovery call with me there Is I thought I had nothing to lose so I I pulled out my list and I rattled it off to her And what's interesting is it, um, you know, technically that happened on our second phone call I don't think that happened on our first phone call. I apologize um What was interesting of the 15 things 14 of them She was very aligned with on me and I felt like wow, there was an affinity towards the two of us In fact, that second phone call lasted about four hours. Our first phone call was an hour Wasn't the best phone call but you know, I kept uh, or at least she kept an open mind. I should say When we had that second phone call a couple weeks later Um, I got a chance to that if we're a good fit for one another because I had nothing to lose I wasn't genuinely interested in and exploring a long distance relationship So fast forward during that year we got on the phone a number of times We became facebook friends and I felt like we built up a friendship with one another Um, just and we were talking about our dating experiences to one with one another I think that's kind of an occupational hazard I have but why I bring this up is when we actually first met it wasn't a date We were just agreeing to meet as two friends And while I share this with you it takes a huge amount of the pressure off And while many of you aren't going to have this uh opportunity what I appreciate is that She wasn't a total stranger to me when we met even though our first encounter is technically a stranger I felt like we had built up some rapport we built up some friendship And the reason why I did meet her is I was traveling out there to go to a wedding just like I shared in that photograph there And in that chance we got it we we met and there was a really strong energetic connection between us And through that energetic connection, we had a chance to spend quite a few hours the first time um, and then having to go to get having having the opportunity to go to the wedding together And then we had scheduled it we scheduled a visit for her to come out here Actually, she was coming out here anyway, and we had a chance to connect for four days together And in those four days we progressed our relationship progressed because we actually got to know one another first By practicing what I talk about in my private coaching is radical honesty And laying your cards on the table radical honesty and laying your cards on the table So as I shared with you a moment ago, I was thinking well, what really is it about her? That made me really see her different From everyone else and I wanted to share this with you because I wrote this down So let me pull up my trusty notes because here it is on my phone bump bump bump. Hey, you can't see it So number one And because we met through a dating app. I really appreciate this number one. She had a quality representation of herself I'm gonna repeat that a quality representation of herself what I meant was she She posted about 30 photographs of herself crystal clear quality photographs She was she's traveled all over the world. So she showed a lot of those photographs And what I appreciate is that when I met her in person She looked exactly like her photographs. Sadly most dating profiles today. I want to bomb it I probably swipe the I probably discount 99.9 of profiles because they're just a fucking piece of shit I got to tell you very few people put a quality representation of themselves And I think the lack of that is a reflection of their a lack of their ability to be in a health to actually lean into relationship I'm going to be blunt here. And let me just say this Many of you many of you are watching are delusional to actually how shitty your dating profile is Many of you have crappy dating profiles I spend all day long looking at dating profiles from a professional perspective and I'm saddened to see the shitty quality If you really want to land a quality guy then put a quality representation of yourself number two Making yourself available and easy to meet That's right making yourself available and easy to meet when we agreed to meet it was very easy It was just so easy now. I happen to be traveling there and everything but there was no resistance In fact one of the things she said to me She always made herself available and easy to meet because she she because she looked at the first meeting as an opportunity To just get a sense that there's a mutual fit That's it. I will tell you these days mainly because people have incredibly busy Lives, it's very difficult to actually connect with them and men are just as fucking bad as this is women I'm here to say they are just equally as bad. So if you're not available and easy to meet It makes it difficult to actually build the bond together to explore a fully committed relationship Number three This is what I wrote down. She was open to exploring a relationship meaning. She was making mutual She was we were mutually making time to explore this relationship What I appreciate her besides making herself available and easy to meet. She was also very intentional About making time to explore a relationship from a conscious intentional perspective Most everybody is this way. They're just winging it. They're winging it They're just hoping that somehow magic ferried us will make them just suddenly be magical to a person And yes, you've been told to lean back in your feminine energy and let that guy claim you Let me just tell you something if you are not intentional in the process Letting you're setting yourself up for failure and intentional means making that time instead of Expecting listen making that time before you actually meet someone Having that time available versus waiting for something magical to happen to shift your time Availability I would say this is one of the number one challenges men and women have today. Is they're not actually making time They're hoping that something will magically change and then they'll make time and be open for a relationship number four This is probably her most. Um I think this is probably the most significant quality within her that has made her very attractive to me And she is she actually has a perspective of non attachment non attachment In other words, I wasn't responsible for her feelings I wasn't responsible for her happiness nor was I feeling like she gave me her power I will tell you most everybody is suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself giving one power away and most of you are attached To the outcome instead of all just being in the experience and setting up healthy standards and boundaries Setting up healthy standards and boundaries and just being a fun person to be with Number five. I wrote down She loves her life and she strives to be the best She lives from a love based life versus a fear based life I think sadly many women in particular as well as men Live from a fear based way of life a fear based way of relationships Fearing to actually speak up in relationship and it's no wonder. They're not landing a really quality guy and lastly Actually two things to be grateful for all your blessings I'm here to say a lot of people are bitter and jaded in the process and you're not grateful for your blessings And is through though that gratitude you actually become a magnetic attractor for a higher quality guy And when I mean by higher quality, I simply mean a guy that you're aligned with each other That you share the same values That you have lifestyles that are blendable and more important You have the emotional maturity to lean into a healthy happy relationship And lastly what I appreciate more is her little kid Her little kid her little kid comes out frequently And I really appreciate that little kid inside of her that wonderful weird part of who she is because our little kids bond together and so if you want to These are just some suggestions of how to land a high quality guy for yourself Is this sinking and is this resonating? Please let me know Hit that thumbs up button share this video with your friends Subscribe to my channel if you're watching this for the first time Okay, this is our chance for q&a If you're not familiar with my format if you have a question Write the word question or post and post the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat or a super Thanks if you're watching the replay There's a little dollar sign in the chat box where you can purchase a super sticker super chat By the way, all the funds all the monies go to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley That's a picture of him there. That's a picture him right there That's my son who passed away a few years ago. In fact, I just donated yesterday $500 to the Hoffman process There's a copy of the book and just donated $500 So all the monies that come in go to charities like the Hoffman process Insights seminars just to name a few so if you have a question Purchase a super sticker super chat or you can write the word question and then post the question thereafter All right, so let's jump into q&a I saw something earlier Leslie says question he spends dollars on the relationship Why while I pay hundreds is this way of being manipulated? So you're spending more money in the relationship than he spends Then I think it's important that the two of you have a money conversation If you're not familiar with the book eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman. Let's open this up to the Let's open it up to the The table of contents Chapter four right here the cost of love right here Work and money. It's important to have conversations about money Folks if the penis is going inside the vagina on a regular basis And there is a lopsidedness in the converse in the relationship Then I highly recommend reading this book so you can learn what questions to ask about money To determine if you're on the same page with one another Leslie I wouldn't be winging it with this guy. I would start having a dialogue to determine if you're on the same page It sounds like you're not on the same page. And so by being silent you don't benefit yourself Look at folks one of the fundamental principles in my book What the heck is self-love anyway chapter one is speak your truth Deal with kindness Chapter two if it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person So if he's the right person have a conversation don't take it on face value that You're on the same page just like when I talked about relationship talk in the beginning Find out if you're on the same page with one another and that's my invitation for you So Leslie, thank you so much for that question All right, let's just keep swimming All right question from lisa How do you decipher a man that genuinely needs more time to know you are for a further commitment? Is he wasting your time? And has you out for convenience? Okay One of the things that's important to do is assess his life When I work with clients who hire me to unpack their relationships That's one of the things you can do with me schedule a call to unpack your relationship with a guy Is I have this questionnaire of about 20 questions that I need to have answered so I can get inside this guy's head You have to get inside his head and ask yourself. How established is his lifestyle? How established is he? In what he desires in relationship if you have an inability to determine that I definitely recommend reaching out to me That's my area of expertise because ultimately if the ground underneath a man is not solid It makes it very difficult. I want you to think of building a house On quicksand What's the chances it's going to collapse in so if you start a relate a relationship On a weak foundation or if a man starts on a weak foundation He might be be a what's called a spender and not an actual grower builder If you're not familiar with my chart on spenders. Hold on a second. There's the three types of people dating today This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion There's the there's the users the spenders and the growers users are basically using you These are for short term gain. These are the love bombers. These are the players These are the gold diggers. These the entitled people They're only in it for their own needs the spenders what they mean what I mean by spender is they're spending time with you without any real Capability of commitment. They're just spending time with you. They seek con connection companionship coupling or sex But they have no direction uncertainty. They're fearful literally have a dysfunctional life and the growers and builders These men seek long-term commitment. They're emotionally grown up With good relationship skills. They have their act together. Those are the growers and builders and these percentages and what I believe it's out there This is not a fact. It's merely an opinion So coming back to your question Um Lisa You got to be a detective. You got to be a nancy drew. You have to be a hearty boys You have to be colombo for those of us who are baby boomers Uh and that's my invitation for you. Okay, great question. Lisa. Thank you so much All right Jonathan or question Please speak more about non attachment approach. Please speak more about what she did to land you what experiences What she experienced practice self-help to prepare for your relationship? Okay, non attach. Okay, so if you're not familiar with buddhism buddhism One of the fundamental principles in buddhism is non attachment Now i'm not in other words. I'm it's I'm not a hundred percent in agreement Because we do form attachments with people but most importantly is not attached to the outcome That just happens to be a personality trait within her I think she said to me she had experienced so much disappointment in her life That now she doesn't form attachments until there's actually something real and She's so cute. She she these days now says i'm very attached to you And I say it back to her because I do feel very attached to her um But non attachment to the outcome in other words no matter what happens if the two of us go our separate ways That's okay. The sky isn't gonna fall. I'm not gonna drown. I'm not gonna die If something happens and she feels the same way about herself So and if you're not familiar with I highly recommend Studying buddhism and particular googled videos on non attachment. I think abraham hicks does an excellent video I've just been watching a new guy bear with me Bear with me. I'll find his channel Because I was just recommending this to a client His name is uh, where is it history? Hold on a second Where's these videos hold on a second his name is Of course now I can't find it when i'm looking for it. I think his name is uh Aaron something or other i'll i'll find it and post it. My point is read up on non attachment Okay, um, and then the second part of your question bear with me or there's more parts to this question bear with me Where did it go? uh Bear with me. Oh What did she do please speak more about what she did to land you? Well, I think the most important thing She was just fun agreeable chill uh, very um Just easy to be with I got to tell you in the dating process. I've always felt Walls from women. I've always felt this Anger this bitterness this jadedness and you know not just fun to be with and what I what I most admire about her She's just chill. She's just a chill person She's not attached to the outcome. She's she was she made it easy for me to connect with her Um now she has done personal development work when she was in her 20s She did something called life spring, which is a derivative of est Which is one of the first things that came out some years ago She did that I think 30 plus years ago and certainly now she appreciates She appreciates my what she calls woo-woo, which is my spirituality my personal development myself help work So and I and we've done some things together now. So or at least we plan on doing some things together Um, so I think that gives you just jade of what she did to land me I think what most important I appreciate her about her. She's just chill I I keep harping on this but You know, she her life. She has a lifestyle that's uh relatively stable and she makes time she she has the capacity to lean into a relationship which fits into my personality as well And she's just cool to be with plus she's sexy hot and Anyways, I could say some more things, but I don't think that'd be appropriate. But if you get my drift Hopefully, okay jade. Thank you so much Susan writes question How early is it to tell a guy that you're connecting with him better to withhold or be upfront? You know to say I'm connecting with you is a I think is a very positive thing I just feel like I'm connecting with you I appreciate connecting with you and see how they respond back to you So I'm I'm if you feel like you're connecting with I think my girlfriend I said this on our second the second time we saw each other. I just said I feel a real connection with you Um, or and she said yes, I feel the same way So I I think when you're feeling it and you feel like you're both feeling it That's a good time to bring it up when you're feeling it and you feel like they're feeling it That's the time to bring it up. Okay, Susan. Great question uh A martina says only 168 watching only 27 likes smash that like button folks. Thank you so much. I appreciate it New 2020 says are you spiritual? so To me spirituality is a connection to your divine self and a connection to recognizing your own Awareness in your life. That's what to me is spirituality and if that's the case believe me I'm highly spiritual what I mean to say is I take ownership for my life uh, and I don't I I play victor consciousness and not victim consciousness sadly here in the united states We have a significant number of people are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness And when you're suckling on the nipple you are not connected to your divine self when you're connected to your divine self You operate from victor consciousness in addition I have read a number of books one of things one of my do I have a copy of it here? Um, hold on a second. Let's see if I have it here I highly recommend checking out marianne williamson's work return to love I feel like this is a great book to connect with that heart centered space within yourself But one of the most spiritual books I've ever read which I feel like it's the the bible in my mind of spirituality Is the untethered soul by michael singer again all the links below to the books. I recommend I highly recommend checking out this book Because I think this allows this is like to me the bible read one chapter No more than one chapter at a sitting and no more than two chapters in any given day But make sure there's a break And you could be with the book be done with the book in three weeks if you do it every day So yes, I'd like to think i'm spiritual But that's just my perception of myself Thank you new 2020 for that question. All right What is that cup you're using this was a gift from jenny the rn Folks that's a picture of me and it says now ladies What do I always tell you before the penis goes inside the vagina read the book eight dates? Little picture of salty and then here That's I guess her it's oh, there's a picture of my book and here it says But jonathan I've been sitting in my feminine energy waiting to be claimed Isn't this sweet gift that she made for me and at the bottom it says 12 21 Uh, uh, jenny lin creations jenny lin creations beautiful cup that she made for me. I really appreciate it Tell me if you like this cup smash that like button Oh Alexander says erin darty. That's exactly the guy Google his channel and read up on letting go and non attachments. Alexander. Thank you so much. I'd forgotten I just couldn't remember his last name And ling Hong says the same thing. Thank you so much Lady sida says serita says you make a nice-looking couple. I do think we are a good-looking couple. I'm very blessed Um, jenifer says did your girl did you and your girlfriend talk about politics in the beginning? You know, we briefly had a conversation about politics. I mainly because I I like to get a sense of where someone stands in their politics because if they're rigid in their ideology Then they're most likely rigid in other areas of their life So I like to get a sense of where they land and I happen to be Listen, I can't stand each political party here in the united states I cannot stand the political parties. I pretty much despise almost every single politician I truly do. I think they're self-serving. I think they don't genuinely care about the people they care about their election If I had my druthers every politician wouldn't get paid and they would not get free health care If I had my druthers And I think they would all only allowed to serve one term at a time and we basically there's no Advertising for politicians. That's my belief system there. And when I shared that with her she goes, you know what? That resonates with me. So that was our discussion on politics Does anyone agree with my form of what you think of politics or And listen, I don't mean to be Disrespectful if you genuinely feel strong about a political party more power to you. This is just my ideology And um, and we can always agree to disagree at the same time All right. Thank you so much for that question Uh So Susan says which is it ask questions or grill or be fun and easy going. I'm confused great point So because she and I vetted each other on the phone before we ever met in person It allowed us to kind of recognize that we have a lot in common We seem to share the same values. Our ideologies seem to be the same. So by the time we met The grilling was done before we met Now some people are turned off by the grilling I'm here to say interrogate the motherfucker before you meet in person Now you do it in a kind loving way You ask deeper questions because the reality is is these days people are having such surface conversations They spend more time texting. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day Did your day turn out good? I hope your day turned out good By the way, if you notice the similarity I was parroting Frey or Kramer from Seinfeld when he was talking about marriage But today I see people have surface level conversations instead of the deeper conversations that turn tend to turn me on In fact, I'm going to go on my instagram here for a second because I I accidentally deleted all the photos on my camera thankfully Google photos saved everything, but I want to read you a meme. It's going to find me. It's going to take a moment to find it But this is really critically important to I believe if you want to create true intimacy with someone then I think it requires going deeper than the surface In the early stages of dating and just give me a moment while I find this meme because it oh shoot Because it really illustrates what I think is so critically important to To address in the early stages of dating and bear with me. It's going to I've got to go through a lot of pictures here This is something I posted a while back Thank you for your patience. If you're sticking with me right now I hope to find it in a moment. Most of you who know my rhetoric know I've shared this before I think you're going to find it quite interesting, but I do believe That it's important to ask the deeper questions early on So when you actually meet in person you can actually have Opportunity to be fun to be flirtatious To be yourself without all the pressure because you did some pre qualifying before you ever met I'm sorry folks. This is taking much longer than I thought. It's an old Meme and I'm sorry. It's just taking so much longer. All right, but I think you get the gist of where I'm going here Um, oh, this is frustrating folks. Give me another minute. I know it's going to come up any second Uh, oh here it is. Finally. I found it I hate small talk. I want to talk about adam's death alien sex magic intellect the meaning of light faraway galaxies music that makes you feel different Memories the lies you've told your flaws your favorite scent your childhood What keeps you up at night your insecurity and fears? I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind I don't want to know what's up one of my all-time favorite memes And so by doing some deeper questioning in the beginning It might allow you an opportunity to connect at a more heart centered level a more easy going Way of connecting right from the very beginning. So thank you so much Susan for that question Ah So then big questions how to be easy going set boundaries in a way that doesn't freak out men Setting boundaries is simply expressing your standards. That's all So are you saying she is easy and fun to be with? Yes. She is incredibly easy and fun to be with I mean, I think really for the first time. I don't think my ex-wife was that I will tell you that's what made me choose my ex-wife That I will tell you in the what feels like hundreds of dates after my marriage Might quite frankly be well several hundred So many women were bitter jaded guarded negative. Oh my god And and just had walls up easy going means the walls aren't there You're just enjoying yourself And I think it's because she had non attachment to an outcome That allowed her to just be open and free Listen, I'm all in favor of knowing your standards and addressing those sooner rather than later, but the end of day Listen You might get hurt It's gonna happen. You might meet someone. That's a jackass. You might meet someone who manipulates you You might meet someone who use you Yeah, that sucks. There are dicks out there just like there are women that are fucking pain in the ass out there Okay, that's just the reality of life. Are you going to allow their Approach to you affect how you feel about yourself? I invite you to lean into what you really want in a relationship. I invite you to make that prayer god universe spirit I invite in true love in my life I invite in that kind of love where we have mutual chemistry with one another and we can feel easy going with one another Because we feel a sense of connection and god universe spirit I invite in that kind of communication where the banter can go on for hours and hours of the time god universe spirit I invite in compatibility Where we can actually blend our lives together with one another and god universe spirit I invite in that person that shares my values that that create that feels that sense of alignment between us and lastly god universe spirit I invite in the deeper roots of trust those that those areas of trust because we are We agree to forge a relationship Where we spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both on our personal our professional life god universe spirit I invite that in Are you ready to invite that in your life if you are I invite you to share that prayer for yourself All right did this resonate with you Did you feel like you got something out of it post a comment below hit that like button? Please share this video sign up to my youtube channel Because and check out the link here to a free discovery call with me and check out the description for links to all the books I recommend and to join my group And if you want to connect with me on instagram just go down to the description listed below All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video And i'm going to do it as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan barrow of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give Enter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it We could all use more love in our lives I want to think Let's see who we're going to think I want to think oh, there's kimberley's in the house. Wait a minute. We got lots of people here lady kimberley rich susan Susan jessica karen kelly melanie lady serita nicole lisk Mona cecilia brenda jennifer as I said that before jade new 2020 melanie c pennington And my my chicago buddy kimberley is on the house everyone. Thank you so much I hope you found value in the five ways Men manipulate you and how to land a good quality guide Listen, I want to wish you a fabulous friday evening big hugs to you all and again if this resonated with you Give me that amen Because I really appreciate knowing how you feel about it. All right everyone gonna run take care. Bye now