 The Harold Perry Show, and now Harold Perry as Honest Harold the Homemaker. If you lived in Melrose Springs and you turned on your radio at 10 o'clock in the morning, you'd hear a program that's very popular with the ladies. Honest Harold the Homemaker, but not always so popular with Mr. Carruthers, the owner of KHJP, and his nephew, Stanley Peabody, the station manager. It's evening now. Harold is at the radio station preparing his program for the next morning. With him is his assistant, Little Billy the Ex-Jockey. Well, let's work on the mail now, Little Billy. Here's a lady that wants to know why a wind-addresser always turns the price tag so you can't read them. That's your assignment for tomorrow, Little Billy, going down to Hershey's department store and find out. Okay, Hal Pal. Here's some social items that our regular contributor from Asheville sent us. Oh, yes, Aunt Mary. Let's see. They're usually pretty good. Dear Harold, not much to report to you this week, except that we did have a little excitement here a few days back. Amy Streeter forgotten left her grandpa on the porch overnight. Listen, this one isn't bad either. My cousin Joe was 32 this week. We don't know what to do with Joe. He hasn't made it out. I've got an idea that'll really pep up your program. Oh, good. What is it, Billy? Why don't you give tips on the horse races? What means? Billy, let's forget the horse races. Who's that? Well, I suppose it's Snoopy Poopy Peabody. Just because he's the manager around here, he thinks he can walk. Hello, Harold. Hello, Eddie. Hello, Little Billy. Hello. Well, this is quite a surprise. I didn't know you were coming down to the station tonight. Yes, Stanley asked me to come down and help him take inventory. Oh, you're with Peabody, eh? No, Harold. Don't be jealous. Well, as long as you're here, I guess we could have a cozy little chat. Yeah, let's have a cozy little chat. Billy, weren't you going home early tonight and look over a racing farm or something? Go home? Uh-oh, I get it. Yes, he gets it. You want me to look over a racing farm while you look over a Philly? Philly? That's silly, Billy. So long, Harold, pal. Imagine that little jockey having an idea like that. Well, Philly, uh, Evie. And I just often to say hello for a minute. Stanley's waiting for me. Stanley, huh? That professional nephew. That nincompoop. That do-o-o-o-o-o, Stanley. Nice seeing you. Hello, Ham. Taking inventory, eh, Stanley? Guess you counted in old Honest Harold, the homemaker. No, I was only counting the assets tonight. Liabilities tomorrow. Well, I'm led with my chin. Ready, Evelina? I'll take you home now. Well, uh, Stanley, all through checking things around the station? Yes, of course. Uh, did you check the thermo-wattle? The what? Well, you're the manager of a radio station. You ought to know what a thermo-wattle is. Well, if that isn't checked, Stanley, it could burn out the transmitter, explode the static condenser and blow up the whole station. It could? E-Evelina, will you excuse me? I-I just remembered something. I'll see you later. You know, it's funny, but I've never heard of a thermo-wattle. You haven't? Neither have I. Honest Harold Riff. Well, all spare in love and war and thermo-wattles. Come on, I'll walk you home. Oh, you don't have to do that. Can't have you walking all that way by yourself. But it's only three blocks. Not the way we're going. Uncle Doc is asleep. Yeah, dear old Doc Yak Yak. How is the old veterinarian? I suppose he had a hard day manicuring sheep. Sit down, Harold. Guess I'll sit here on the sofa, next to you. What'd I sit on? Oh, encyclopedia Britannica. Hard vark to chromosome. Must have sat on a hard vark. This is nice, sitting here with you. Yes, it is. Evie, how about a little kiss? Now, Harold, there's no reason why we can't just sit here and talk. Talk? All right. How are things down at the office, Evie? Fine. Good. How about a kiss? Evie, why haven't you ever married? Oh, I don't know. I suppose I've been waiting for a tall, slender Prince Charming. Oh, would you settle for a short, chubby homemaker? Harold, you know I'm very fond of you. You have so many good qualities, especially your honesty. Well... But it's important to have a sense of proportion. Sometimes you go off on impulsive crusades about inconsequential things. You tilt at windmills. I do. Last thing I tilted was a pinball machine. I feel like Don Quixote. Don Cahuti? Don Quixote was a character in one of the great novels about old Spain. He was a crusader too. He saw every windmill as an imaginary enemy and went charging into it with his lance. Oh, I wouldn't do that. Besides, there aren't any windmills in Melrose Springs. Oh, dear, I guess you'll never change. Evie, would it make any difference to you if I did? Well, it might. Well, if it means so much to you, I'll reform. No more tilting pinball and windmills. Do you really mean that, Harold? You bet I do. You know you mean an awful lot to me, Evelyn. Remember when I used to sing this to you? Won't you ever take a shine to that moon? Remember, the liner ain't you bothered by that? Bob Link's tool me how long? You're gonna keep delaying the day. I reckon it's wrong. Rifling with your honey this way, liner. Won't you pay a little mind to me soon? Fruit is fire. Use of smellin'. Water never follows. That was nice, Harold. You like it? Great. I'll sing another chorus. It's old Doc Yak Yak. What does the old horse doctor want now? Evelyn, did one of my animals get loosed? Why, no, uncle. I've been insulted good night, Evelyn. It was nice being with Evelyn last night. But from now on I'm gonna change. Yes, sir. No more tilting at windmills. Hey there, lover boy. Good morning, Doc. Morning, Harold. See, you got your little sassel with you, Doc. You back in the veterinary business? On an emergency call. Ain't got a warm nose down at the dog pound. Hey, you were getting a little cozy with my niece in the parlor last night. Weren't you dreamboat? How'd you know? I snuck downstairs and took a look. Doc, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. I was kind of sorry. Didn't learn the thing. Heavy is wonderful, Doc. She's gonna make a new man out of me. Yes, sir. You're now looking at the new Harold Hemp. Don't look a bit better than the old one. No more going to battle over every one. Say, Harold, heard something this morning that ought to interest an old crusader like you? What? City's planning to cut down that big elm tree on Main Street. The one by Hofstad's hardware store? They can't do that, Doc. Why, that tree is as old as Melrose Springs. She's leaning. Old Man Hofstad claims it might fall on his store. Says it's like living under the hanging shore of the Damocles. Why, the old crab, I defy the city to cut down that tree. Just wait till I hear my program this morning. Woodman, spare that tree. Touch not a single bow. For years it sheltered me and I'll protect it. Oh. That's a nice poem, but it don't rhyme. I just remembered something, Doc. If the city wants to cut down that tree, it's no affair of mine. What? It's just another windmill. Oh, it's a tree. I'm not interested. Not one little bit, Doc. I'm through crusading over these little inconsequential things. Harold, are you sick? What? Let me feel your nose. Yeah. Please, Doc. After all, what if they do cut down that elm tree? That's because the whole town's grown up around it. All the children played in its shade. Sweethearts carved their initials in it. Little birds had their happy homes there. See you later, Doc. Morning, Mrs. Station K.H.J.P. The station of the friendly frost warning. Honest, Harold, the homemaker will be on in 20 minutes. I think off again on again, Harold, they ought to call him. Well, good morning, Laurie. Good morning, Mr. Hamp. I've got some good news. You're going to have some new spot announcements on your program. Well, that's good. Who's the sponsor? Smiling Sprockets Pawn Shop. You know, be happy. Hock it with Sprockets. Oh, yes. I pawned my mandolin there once. She learned how to play it better than I did. Oh, Mr. Hamp, I saw something in the paper this morning. I think you ought to know. What's that? The City Council vetoed the appropriation for pigeon feeding in Boomer Park. What? Why those hard-hearted nickel nursing anti-pigeonists? They'll hear from Harold Hemp. Well, I knew the pigeons could count on you. Yeah, absolutely. Just wait like it on the air. I'll, oops, no, I won't. I mustn't be a Don Coyote. Don who? Gloria, haven't you ever heard of Don Coyote? Oh, sure. I love his rumba music. Yeah, he plays like a windmill. See you later, Gloria. Oh, Mr. Hamp, I forgot to tell you. Mr. Peabody wants to see you in his office and right away. Oh, he does, eh? Getting to be a habit. Well, all right. But he's mad because I sent him after a thermo wattle last night. Guess he found out there's no such thing. I don't know why I do things like that to Stanley. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess he'll read the riot act to me. Well, might as well go in and face the chin music. Well, good morning, Stanley. Hello, Hamp, sit down. Yeah, thank you. That was pretty clever of you last night, sending me to look for that thermo wattle. Well. It took me two hours, but I finally found it. It is? I wonder what it is. But that wasn't what I wanted to see you about. Huh? Hamp, as you may be aware, my uncle Mr. Carruthers and the owner of this station is attaining his 65th birthday next week. Good. The old skin flint. Obviously, an event like this calls for a celebration of major proportions. I want to make this a day that will burn forever in his memory, something that will give him a real glow. We could set fire to his beard. This celebration must be well thought out, well planned, and an idea just popped into my head. It's going to be awfully lonesome in there. My idea has to do with Boomer Park. Boomer Pie. As you know, the park was named after General Boomer, a very vague figure in the history of our town. Vague? Well, I wouldn't say... In view of the many civic contributions my uncle has made to Melrose Springs, I propose our city change the name from Boomer Park to Carruthers Park. What? And of course, we place that statue of General Boomer with one of Mr. Carruthers. Peabody, I won't stand for that. General Boomer was a great man. Why, he founded Melrose Springs. But the name is still going to be changed to Carruthers Park. Over my dead body. That will be a pleasure. But starting this morning, you will convince your listeners that you are heartily in favor of the idea. That's an order. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Trying to put something like this over on the people of this town? I won't do it. It's against my principles. Honest, Harold, this is no time for one of your stupid crusades. Don't you call... crusades? I almost forgot, everline. What? Stanley? Yes. I despise myself for this. But I'll do it. Good. But I want you to know, Stanley, I'm only doing this for love. Harold. Not you, Peabody. I hate you. For the second act of our story, Honest, Harold, in just a moment. Three more top stars check in next Sunday, October 1st, at CBS, The Star's Address. Amos and Andy will be back with The Kingfish and their other cronies. And Red Skelton will return for another great season of laughter with Junior, the mean widow kid, Willie Lump Lump and Dead Eye the Cowboy. Be listening next Sunday night for the return of Amos and Andy and Red Skelton on most of these same CBS stations. Well, back to Honest, Harold, who's a little unhappy at this moment. For the first time in his Happy Homemakers program, Honest, Harold let the people of Melrose springs down. You said it. Against all his instincts, he came out in favor of changing the name of Boomer Park to Carruthers Park. Yeah, I get back to my tongue on it. It's late in the afternoon, and Honest, Harold is slinking down the hall of the radio station. Good night, George. Probably didn't hear me. Good night, Jerry. Good night, Jerry. Must be busy working on those W-4 forms. Good night. You might as well face it, Honest, Harold. Ever since your program this morning, nobody's speaking to you. Good night, Harold. Good night, Peabody. There goes one windmill I ought to tilt. Relative. Yes, Gloria? Oh gee, everybody's sure mad at you. Yeah, I'm aware of that, Gloria. Mr. Feeny calls from the post office. There's a stack of letters there for you already. He said some of them threatened Mayhem. What's that? Never mind, Gloria. Well, I'll think I'll run over and see. Have a line, now. Mr. Ham, do you want me to take the calls and come in for you? No, better not, Gloria. You're too young to hear that kind of language. I hope Abby's home. It'd be nice to talk to her. After all, I'm doing this for her. Oh, it's you. Good evening, Doc. Is Abby home? Nope. Huh? Be home soon? Nope. Oh. She's still over Carothers. She's taking dictation from him, too. Oop. Might fight. Come in a while, Doc. Can't stop you. Well, what's new? Carothers Park. Now look here, Doc. Honest, Harold. But, Doc, I'm doing this. Yes, goes to prove what I always said. Animals are more honest than people. Never catch a cow trying to sneak on a streetcar with a three-day old transfer. Doc, never heard of an air day of being sent to jail for cheating on his income tax. Doc, what else could I do? All I know is I'm disappointed in you, Harold. Coming out in favor of changing the name of Groomer Park. You know everybody's against a thing like that. Why, if you keep this up, you won't have a friend in town. I don't care. I'm doing what I think is right and I'll stand by it. I'm as honest as I ever was. I'm, I'm, I'm a low-crawling miserable worm. Can't face anybody. She might have fried eggs lying there staring at me. Hey there, Harold, wake up. Oh, hello, Billy. Well, I suppose you're mad at me, too. Mad at you? Why? Then you think I did right about Groomer Park? Absolutely. Pretty clever, pal, the way you fixed the race. What? Oh, man, Carothers must be slipping you a pocketbook to pull a double-cross like this. Billy, I want you to understand that I'm not doing this for money. Sure, I know. Well, I'm not. I can just see the race. Groomer Park's the fable with all the suckers. Carothers Park is a long shot, a pig. Billy? The horses are on the track. They're at the starting gate. There are. Groomer Park leads all the way until the stretch. And then when the judges ain't looking, you take the needle, lift up the saddle, and cab Carothers in the hind quarters. Billy, I'll do no such thing. And Carothers Park shoots inside the rail and... Heaven's sake, this is ridiculous. Billy, you know very well that I wouldn't have anything to do with the crooked race. Well, maybe it ain't a crooked race, but I just hope they don't give you a saliva test. Go home sometime. Why did I pick some other place to walk? Groomer Park? Anybody sees me here? I'll get shot. Oh, hello, little pigeon. Well, come here, nice pigeon. Woop. Pull away. He's mad at me too. What am I going to do? Who's that? Oh, General Groomer Statue. Hello, General. How are things? Just think, been sitting on that horse for 80 years. Must be getting saddle sore. Hope you don't mind, General, if they move you out of the park. Maybe they'll put you out in the country someplace with no pigeons. Hate to do this to you, General, but it's for love. You must understand about love. You had 11 children. Gosh, General, put yourself in my place. A man's got to be sensible sometimes. You got to play it safe. You'd do the same thing, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you? No. No, you wouldn't. I read about you in the Civil War. At the Battle of Antietam you didn't say, let's play it safe. You said, follow me. I'm moving up. And at Stone Mountain you didn't say, let's be sensible. You said it's now or never, boys. Follow me. And at Missionary Ridge did you say, let's run away today and fight tomorrow? No, you said, are you with me, boys? I'm going forward. And you won. General Groomer, I won't let you down. Tomorrow morning, Honest Harold is moving into battle. Pigeons? I mean, fellas, follow me. And so, listeners, this is Honest Harold the Homemaker telling you once again that I will oppose, and I urge all of you to oppose, any scheme to change the name of Boomer Park. And I'm sorry I gave you the wrong advice yesterday, girls. And I promise you I'll never let you down again. And that stands, no matter what uncle of what nephew might say. Hank, have you gone mad? The static you just heard is Stanley Peabody. And so, folks, until tomorrow, if there is one, this is Honest Harold the Homemaker saying goodbye. And goodbye, General Boomer. Hemp, I'll have your head for this. Well, all I can say is, Stanley, you could use it. Hey, take your interest in it. Do you know who was listening to your program? Mr. Carruthers. Mr. Carruthers? Was he upset? He wants to see you at his home immediately. And unless I'm mistaken, he'll give me orders to fire you. You've forgotten one thing, Stanley, old boy. His wife is one of my staunchest admirers. Why, she wouldn't let him fire me. For your information, Hemp, Mrs. Carruthers left on a trip to New York this morning. Oop, I should have gone with her. Here's Carruthers' mansion. Big. Looks more like a medieval castle. Probably has a torture chamber in the cellar for ex-employees. Door's opening. Sure knees oiling. Come in. So does he. Thank you. Big butler. So you're the butler here, eh? Yeah. Well, how do you like butling? Must be a silent butler. I'm here to see Mr. Carruthers. Down the hall. Down, down the hall. Thank you. Thank you very much. Wonder what he charged upon at the radio station. Sure is a long hall. That big tapestry. What's that? Uh, and these knights and suits of armor. Wonder if they used to get two pair of pants for those suits. This must be his study. Come in. Mr. Carruthers? Mr. Carruthers? You'll address me by my military title, sir. Major. Major? That's right. Major Aloysius Carruthers' life force cavalry third platoon national guard. Who are you? Harold Hemp, BPOE reporting, sir. I need you quite a bit. Probably. Oh, thank you. You, the young fellow, have a program at my station? And yes, sir. Honest Harold, the homemaker. And songs, household hints. Why, hint? Come right out and say what you mean. Oh, yes, sir. I'll do that. That doesn't the old boy fire me and get it over with. There, how are things at the station? I may inspect there one of these days. Ready for inspection? Always be ready for inspection. Keep your shoes shined. Never volunteer. Remember that. He's my home, brother. Rattle late and live off the country. Now, young man, I heard you say something this morning about renaming Boomer Park. Oh, here comes the firing squad. Look there in the wall. And? Map of the Civil War, Battle of Antietam. I'm writing a book on that battle. Look at that pin, the big red one. Know what that is? A USO unit? That serves General Boomer. General Martin P. Boomer, one of the greatest practitioners of the Civil War. General Boomer? Follow me, I'm moving up, Boomer. His words exactly. Ah, remarkable soldier. And that ant-brained nephew of my wife wanted to rename Boomer Park after me. Doesn't he know the difference between a major and a general? I'll explain it to him, sir. Right, go back there hemp and shake up that outfit. Tighten things up. Tell him to prepare for inspection. Yes, sir, it'll be a pleasure. Honest Harold, you're dismissed. Dismissed? Oh, you mean I can go? Yes, Harold. You weren't angry with me for breaking my promise? Well, I know. In fact, I'm very proud of you. You are? There are some things a man has to take a stand on. And I think General Boomer was a very worthwhile crusade. And I'm more convinced than ever that you should run for mayor. Heavy? Yes. How about moving over a little closer to the next mayor? Well, if you'll promise to behave. Sure, I promise. All right. Harold, you promised to behave. That was just a campaign promise. Honest Harold. The supporting players included Francis Robinson, Ken Peters, Jerry Maron, Jack Moyles and Will Wright and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as old Doc Yak Yak. Norman MacDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Tonight's script was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson and Dick Powell. Next Sunday on most of these same CBS stations, Amos and Andy will be heard at this time in their return to CBS, The Star's Address. Well, that's right. The Harold Perry Show will next be heard on Wednesday night, October 4th. October 4th. That's a week from this next Wednesday. Remember that, folks. The Night Bing Crosby also checks in at the Star's Address. Be sure you're listening for the next Harold Perry Show, a week from Wednesday on most of these same stations. Don't forget it. Stay tuned now for Percy Face Orchestra, which follows immediately over most of these same stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.