 Hello, Psych2Goers, welcome back to our channel. If you have kids, I'm sure that every single thing you do for them, you do while keeping their best interest at heart. You want them to be as healthy and happy as they can be. The parenting is certainly not an easy job, and no matter how hard you try, it can sometimes be difficult to avoid making some mistakes. Even though a lot of parents know their youngster the best, child psychologists have been researching children's development for decades and most commonly agree that some parenting methods can actually be damaging to a child's growth. So what are they? Here are some common mistakes parents make that can't be detrimental to their kid's development. 1. Signing kids up for too many activities Loving parents often want their kids to be smart, active and talented. What better way to achieve that than by signing them up for a bunch of extracurricular activities? Football practice, guitar lessons, foreign language and art classes. These activities are great for a child's physical, emotional and social development. But the problem arises when there are just too many. Constantly jumping from one lesson to another while trying to balance school and homework can negatively impact a child's sleeping habits. It can also negatively affect their mental health as well, making them prone to depressive moods and making it difficult for them to cope with stress. But how much is too much? The answer is easy. Just listen to your children. Children should be aware of how busy and stressed their children are, whether they express it to them or simply show signs. Also follow the golden mean. Research published in Journal of Youth and Adolescents stated that children who were engaged in only a moderate amount of activity, compared to those with a larger amount of hobbies, had better results in school. By giving kids enough time for school, hobbies, play and rest, parents can help them learn time management skills and relieve them of unnecessary stresses. 2. Not Allowing Kids To Say No Sometimes it seems like from the moment our little one starts talking, the word no becomes their most cherished word. Questions ranging from did you want to eat your veggies, to will you share your toys with your sister, are often greeted with a loud and clear, no. And most of the time this answer is followed by a parent's anger and frustration. I'm your parent, you can't say no to me. Of course, teaching kids respect towards their parents is important. But letting them, moreover, teaching them how to say no, might be even more important. If children are never allowed to say no, they might not learn how to gain confidence, how to communicate their boundaries, or how to stand their ground. This can become a big problem once they grow up to get into romantic relationships or start working. According to 2008 research on child development, while arguing with their parents by saying no, children could bring that attitude to relationships with their peers and practice standing up for themselves. Of course, the goal is to teach them how to say no politely and respectfully, which in turn could help them protect themselves, maintain identity, and develop a positive self-image. 3. Comparing Children To Others Have you ever asked your child, why can't you be more like your brother? Or perhaps your parents used to tell you, look how good other children behave. Comparing children to their siblings or other children is a trap many parents fall into, intentionally or not. You might think that this would motivate them to behave better, but being constantly compared to others could actually hurt their little hearts pretty badly. By comparing your child to someone else in a negative way, you are, in a way, telling them that some other kid is better than them. This can ruin your child's self-esteem from an early age. They may also think they're not living up to your expectations, which could make them think that you don't like them or love them as much as you actually do. What you could try instead is setting up realistic expectations for your children, celebrate their strengths, and if they make a mistake that other children don't, let them know you love them regardless. 4. Forcing Children To Eat Did you have that one specific food that you simply hated as a kid? Did that food happen to be some very healthy vegetable that your parents made you eat? Resulting in tears and screaming during dinner and threats of not leaving the table until you empty your plate. In a study written by psychologists from several universities in the USA, 70% of adults said that they had experienced being forced to eat in their childhood. As a result today, they see themselves as picky eaters and more restrictive in their eating habits. Often avoiding that specific food, they were forced to eat. This is a result from associating that food with negative social context. Fights, yelling, punishments, or threats. Also, being forced to eat may be connected to a child's weight. Another research study published in the International Journal of Obesity found that preschool children who weren't allowed to choose the food they liked to eat had more problems with their weight. Of course, it's important to make sure your kids eat healthy meals. But there are ways to ensure their eating habits stay healthy without making your dinner table a war field. Make sure that meal times are relaxed and fun. Ask your kid to help you prepare the meal or give them a choice every now and then. Ask them, would you like carrots or green beans today? These are all good places to start. Number five, using humiliation as discipline. Maybe you've come across Facebook posts from moms and dads sharing their frustrations about their kids with hundreds of friends and relatives. How do I make my son clean his messy room? He never listens. Or maybe you've seen an angry parent yelling at their child in front of their friends, shaming and humiliating children in front of others is one of those discipline methods that may seem appropriate in the heat of the moment. But should actually be avoided completely. As stated by Andy Grogan-Keylor, an associate professor of social work at the University of Michigan, shaming a child or making them feel degraded leads to all kinds of behavioral and emotional problems in the future. Children who are shamed in front of their friends can feel embarrassed, cry and shame, and repeat the same mistakes because of the nervousness they feel. This way of dealing with children's bad behavior can also make them become socially anxious as a result of the shame they feel, and they can become depressed or aggressive as a result. It can also set them up to be bullied in school, as well as lose trust in their parents. So when your children choose to misbehave, it would be best to take them aside and have a private conversation. By doing that, you can help strengthen your relationship and keep your child's dignity untouched. And number six, praising a child's intelligence rather than hard work. Did you get praised about the work you put into studying or only praised on the perfect grade? Not many things in life make a parent more proud than seeing a big red A on their child's school report. Naturally, the next thing you'd want to do is praise them. You did such a good job, you are so smart. There's nothing wrong with praising your children, of course. But focusing your praise solely on their abilities rather than their hard work can actually be bad for their future motivation and beliefs. American psychologist, Carol Zweck, thought about this in her mindset theory. Where she connected praise, achievements, and motivation, according to her, praising children only for their intelligence leads towards the creation of a fixed mindset. When a child with a fixed mindset fails at something, they tend to think that they're not smart enough to succeed. They may become less motivated to try harder and get worse results overall. But if you focus your praise on your kids' efforts, saying, good job, you must have worked very hard, those kids will believe that even if they fail, they can achieve better results if they try harder. They're motivated to keep pushing and learning and they tend to do better at school. So it's best to keep that in mind the next time your child brings home a perfect test score. Do you relate to some of these points as a parent? Let us know in the comments down below. Or maybe your parents made some of these mistakes while you were growing up. Even if that is the case, the take home message is simple. There's no such thing as a perfect person. No such thing as a perfect parent. Finding ways to better yourself every day, learning as you go to avoid mistakes, and most importantly, giving your kids unconditional love is all that matters in the end. Feel free to like and share this video if it helped you or you think it could help someone else. Don't forget to hit the subscribe button and notification bell for more videos like this. Thanks so much for watching and take care.