 When you feel like you're the narcissist when you feel like you're the one who is at fault When you feel like you can't do anything right you've done some things that you're not proud of and It's causing you to question if you are the narcissist You assume that someone who is not a narcissist Would not do the things that you have done But this isn't always true. It is very common for victims of narcissistic abuse To question if they are the narcissist The reason for this is because the narcissist provokes us to react to them They like it when we get mad It gives them the opportunity to portray us as the abuser They push you to react to them They push you to engage in dysfunctional behavior and this then makes you question if you are the abuser If you are the narcissist This is what the narcissist depends on They depend on you focusing on your reaction to their abuse Rather than the abuse itself It gives them the ability to abuse you While also shifting the blame on to you it helps them to dodge the responsibility for their actions And it also gives them supply When they can blame you for something that they have done they feed off your pain and shame It makes them feel like they're right It makes them feel like they're winning You might feel guilty for some of the things you've done. You might have shouted at the narcissist You might have thrown things at them You might have said some mean things to them Maybe you have even physically attacked the narcissist. Of course, it's wrong to engage in those behaviors And we should avoid justifying it and Instead Try to respond better in the future if your actions were simply in reaction to the abuse You will recognize that your behavior was wrong and you will feel guilty for engaging in that kind of behavior You may even question if you are the narcissist The narcissist is not going to do that They hate acknowledging anything negative about themselves They enjoy shifting the blame on to other people It helps them to avoid any responsibility for their actions It makes them feel like they're not the problem If you try to engage in a healthy argument with a narcissist it will not work When you are in an argument with them They will shout and scream at you They will insult you They will try to make you feel shame as though you are a bad person This is abusive behavior and it doesn't matter how peaceful you might be It doesn't matter if you're not angry It doesn't matter if you're able to tolerate their problems without becoming annoyed or anxious You can maintain your composure and avoid having a emotional reaction But it will not result in a positive outcome When you are in a healthy relationship and you act in a healthy manner Naturally, this will bring about a healthy positive outcome But when you're in a relationship with a narcissist It doesn't matter how healthy your behavior is It doesn't matter how peaceful you might be or how tolerant you are of their problems Because the problem has nothing to do with you Nothing you change about yourself is going to affect the outcome of the situation The problem is within the narcissist So for there to be a healthier more positive outcome The narcissist would have to change their behavior And this is how you know that you're not the narcissist If you avoid having emotional reactions and you practice composure Yet nothing ever gets resolved That's how you know that it isn't you Because healthy positive behavior will always bring about a healthy positive outcome Unless you are dealing with a narcissist or toxic person When you try to be healthy or positive with a narcissist It just makes things worse It only makes them more mad Because it reminds them that you are not the problem It reminds them that they are the ones who are at fault They have to provoke you and get you to react to their abuse So that it looks like you're the one with the problem And that's when they will usually start to calm down and play the victim role But when you're calm and relaxed and you're trying to resolve the situation It just makes them more mad And you become more abusive More out of control Because it becomes obvious to them that they are the ones with the problem Even though they may not openly admit it to you They do recognize that they have a problem And that is why it makes them so mad When you do not react to their abuse It makes it very difficult for them to shift the blame onto you When you practice composure And you remain calm and relaxed despite how they're treating you It becomes extremely obvious to them that they are the problem But they can't just end the argument They can't just walk away Because then they would have to walk away With having to accept that they are the problem So instead They prolong the abuse They extend the duration of the argument Or they might give you the silent treatment They will constantly insult you And do whatever they possibly can to hurt you They will say or do whatever they think will hurt you the most Until you finally get mad and react to them It is perfectly normal and healthy for you to feel remorse after you have reacted to their abuse It is perfectly understandable And this is another key indicator That you're not the narcissist Because the narcissist would never feel any remorse for their actions They have to portray you as the problem So they can never accept that they have done something wrong But please do not feel like you're a bad person You're not You were just reacting to their abuse Anyone would have reacted in a similar way If they were constantly pushed and provoked And the narcissist constantly engages in this kind of behaviour And they keep pushing and provoking you until you finally react to them It increases your sensitivity to the abuse It makes you easily hurt, worried or offended Because you've been trained over a long period of time That when you get angry The narcissist becomes calm It has trained your subconscious to be more sensitive to the abuse So that the threat will stop faster The narcissist calms down Because it relieves their suffering It validates their false image They can't do anything wrong You are the one who has the problem When you finally react and start acting the way that they do They really start to believe that you are the one who has the problem Regardless of everything that they have said or done Before you finally reacted to them This is when they will start to call you mentally unstable They will call you a narcissist or psychopath And they will claim that you need help Deep down you know that this isn't who you are You know that you wouldn't normally react in this way But now it seems to be happening more often Now you seem to be coming more and more like the narcissist It's almost like they are training you to become the narcissist Every time you react It creates more and more evidence that you are the one with the problem And that is why you are now questioning if you are the narcissist You might even be watching my videos And identifying with some of the dysfunctional behaviors That I have described about the narcissist But that doesn't mean that's who you are If you were the narcissist You wouldn't even entertain that idea The behaviors that you have engaged in Are in reaction to how the narcissist has treated you It's reactive abuse You've done some things you're not proud of You feel like you're the problem You feel like you're the narcissist But there is one significant difference Between a narcissist and someone who engages in reactive abuse The difference Is that someone who has engaged in reactive abuse Will admit what they have done They will take responsibility for their actions They will feel embarrassed for how they have acted Because they know that's not really them That's not how they would normally act They won't even say why they did what they did Because it doesn't matter why There is no justification for abuse And we know that Regardless of what someone has done to us We will still feel bad for our behavior We will wish that we could have responded differently Instead of blaming the narcissist We will take responsibility for our actions But an abusive narcissist will never do any of that They will put full responsibility For all of their problems onto you They will shift the blame onto you And in the rare case that they do give a fake apology They will always have a reason or excuse For why they did what they did They always have to minimise what they've done They cannot accept being at fault They always have to have someone else to blame But if you're not the narcissist And you're just someone who has engaged in reactive abuse You're not going to hold someone else responsible for your actions You're going to accept that you made the choice to act in that way This is how you know that you're not the narcissist If you feel bad about your actions If you can openly talk about it If you don't feel the need to shift the blame onto someone else If you're not only outlining the bad things about the other person This is what separates us from narcissists Thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos If you would like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description Coach it and inquire you to email me at notifiedcoachingatgymail.com Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon