 Hey everyone, Raif Derrazy here. This video is going to be kind of a hodgepodge. Yes, I'm going to cover my lab results from the doctor's appointment. Also, touch on the long-lasting ARD injections, which a lot of people are super hyped about. And then I also want to cover some other things like getting my first dose of my vaccination and dealing with anxiety overall. Updates with Plus Life Media. For those of you who follow me on Instagram and other platforms, Twitter, you probably see me post Plus Life videos. I do a little motivation minute, little video of myself talking about something that's meant to be motivational, educational, stuff like that. But we're getting back into filming season and we're going to be doing the next season of Plus Life videos for TV as well as digital. So we had one season so far, went really well. I host a little, well, we'll get into it. I'm on a tangent. Okay. Also going to touch on my weight loss journey and then moving. I'm going to be moving in the next three to six months. A lot of you express visceral interest in Dr. Jay Gladstein, my doctor, talking about the long-lasting injectable ARVs. Those ARVs is the HIV medication. And so recently in the U.S., it's been approved that people can now get injections of their ARVs, which last a month, two months, I think there's some two-month options. And there's a lot of stuff in the works that's three-month, six-month, which is really exciting news. For those of us who loathe having to take medicine every single day and remember on time, when am I going to take it? And then obsess when you forget a dose or forget multiple doses. This is apparently a solution to that. A lot of you, some of you asked me, okay, Rafe, what's your take on this? What did your doctor suggest for you? Or is this something that you're going to start doing? To be totally transparent, my doctor basically said, you know, it's a month at this point, what they have available, and he doesn't really recommend me doing it. Of course, it's my choice at the end of the day, but the reality is, as explained in the video, it's two injections. One on each side in the upper buttocks muscle. It's painful. You have to go every single month to do it. What I'm doing right now is working. It's fine. I take, I mean, I've shown this thing so many times, my little box full of supplements and pills that I take every day anyway. So my HIV medication is just one pill in this concoction of supplements and things like that. So this would add something to my schedule. I'd have to make an appointment every single month, be there on time, go get it, deal with the pains of the injections. It's something that I can just put off and wait until maybe there's like a three month option. I would say three months or more than I'm interested. Like let's talk. You know what I'm saying? And also, I kind of want to just see like, what are people's reactions? Is there a lot of pain? Is there a lot of symptoms? So that's my take on it as of this point. But yeah, I'm intrigued. I'd love to hear if any of you are taking these injections. Please feel free to comment below. Let's start a discussion about it because this is entering a new phase of HIV treatment, which is exciting. Lab results. So I am undetectable once again. I've been undetectable for years, nonstop year after year after year. I've had a blip. I've talked about it before and that was years ago. And it doesn't really mean much. Usually even if you have a blip, then you're still, you're still not transmissible. Totally normal to have blips. Happens. Also, my CD4 count was 704 at the time of my labs. And that's pretty high for me. I mean, typically my CD4 will hover in the 400s, sometimes low 500s. Every once in a while spikes up to the 700s, maybe even as high as 800. So 704 is really good for me. Everybody's immune system is different. Everybody's body is different. Some people shoot up to 1000 plus. I've never been that high. I don't think I'll ever get that high. And it's not, it's not a reflection of the fact that I'm, you know, the HIV is taking hold of my body and doing something to me that it isn't doing other people. I think that's just a reflection of my specific immune system. We all have different immune systems. And I know growing up that I've always had a relatively weak immune system as a kid, as an adolescent, as a teen, I was getting sick once a month. If I, if I wasn't sick for two months, I was like, knock on wood. Like, this is good news. I'm doing really well right now. And there were times when I would get up to as much as three or four months, and that was like, hallelujah. But inevitably I would get sick. So that's just my body. And that was well before I ever had HIV. So I'm aware that that's just a function of my specific immune system. So 704 doing really good cholesterol level. On the other hand, is elevated. It's slightly elevated. And specifically my LDL or what we consider bad cholesterol is elevated above the normal range. So that's something to keep an eye on. That in conjunction with the fact that my blood glucose level, so the sugar in my blood is also slightly elevated. I've had me a little concerned, mentioned it to my doctor. He said, you know, it's not something that we're really worried about. Overall, your health is great. You're in tip top shape. So I wouldn't be too concerned about it. You know, I can make minor adjustments with my diet, my fitness nutrition. But as of right now, it's something it's on my radar. So I'm cognizant of it, but it's not something I'm really terribly worried about. Let's see. I did manage to get my the first dose of my vaccine. It was the Moderna vaccine. And so here's a little video of me getting it live. It was really quick and easy and painless. As you can see, I did notice that evening I felt drowsy, sleepy. I did have some pain at the injection site with this arm. And the next day was like pretty sore, noticeably sore. Nothing that interrupted my day to day activities or anything like that. But the one thing I did notice was the chest restriction that I felt. I felt some chest pain and some chest tension. And that's something that I experienced a year ago when I feel as though I had COVID. I experienced for about three to four weeks, this constant shortness of breath. I felt a tension and an irritation in my chest and sometimes sharper pain. And so that was something that I experienced for maybe like 24 hours after getting the first dose. I'm fully expecting that once I get my second dose, I'm getting my reactions are going to be even more. Because at that point, presumably my body has developed antibodies. And so if I am going to get a reaction to a vaccine, it's going to be when you have antibodies because that's just a sign that your body is reacting. It's mounting an attack against a perceived enemy. And so I've heard a lot of people get reactions after their second dose. It makes sense. But overall, just really grateful to be having my vaccine. I think after the first vaccine, they've stated that the efficacy is upwards of 80%. So that's really great. I'm not quite ready to go out and, you know, mingle with people publicly, but it's a sign that I can start to feel more comfortable in public spaces. I'm still wearing my mask. I'm still socially distancing and all that stuff just to be safe. I am considering going to the gym after I get my second dose, it's probably like two weeks, gyms are starting to open up again. I'm super excited about that. And I know I've said that I got a Peloton bike for cardio and I have a bench here and some weights so I can really do strength training, but I've really been struggling with it. Just having everything in this one bedroom apartment, not having dedicated spaces for different things. It's all kind of like combing. Oh, let me show you this, by the way, interrupt. You can see that. This is the ring that I wear a lot. It has a green stone that goes right there and it popped out and I don't know where it popped out or when, but it's missing and I'm really sad about it. So I'm going to have to retire this guy and get a new one. Anyway, especially as an introvert, I'm super sensitive to energy and to be in this area where I live and also now work and also try to be creative and also try to focus on fitness. It's like too much stuff overlapping and I know it's first world problems, but I'm really struggling with it on top of, you know, my schedule and everything. It's just too much. So I think to be able to go to a gym and focus and not have nearly as many distractions will be good for me at least for a while. And then maybe after a while I can, as I start to, my life starts to kind of ease and I'm not experiencing as much anxiety, then hopefully I can rework. I kind of touched on anxiety. I've talked about anxiety. It's recurring theme. I'm going to keep talking about it because it's a constant nagging issue. It's become chronic anxiety at this point. A lot of people are experiencing it because of the pandemic. Recently I was at a fitness influencer event rooftop on a skyscraper. It was so cool. And some of my friends were there, Nina and Masha. And so after the event was over, we kind of just convened a little bit at a table and we're talking. And I mentioned the fact that I'm struggling with anxiety. And I was so shocked to learn that they were experiencing the same thing. And then it's not just me. I feel like I'm alone in this because I'm an introvert. I just feel like I'm more prone to overthinking and dealing with more anxiety. But I was so relieved in a way, not that they were struggling, but that we were going through the same thing. And it wasn't just me. And they were saying, oh yeah, and this person and that person calls me and they're, they're, they're struggling with anxiety too. It's like we're all dealing with it. We have breakdowns all the time where I was questioning like what am I doing with my life? Where am I going? So just to know that these people that I highly respect and admire and look up to are also struggling and are also human, just makes me feel like, okay, we're all in this together. Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm always hard on myself. I've been talking about anxiety quite a bit. Right now, there are just so many new things in my life. Good things, undoubtedly, but with newness comes uncertainty. And with uncertainty for me comes anxiety. I get insecure. I get worried that I don't know enough that I don't know what I'm doing, that I'm not well equipped to handle certain situations, you know, whether it's producing certain projects or helping my parents with their business. I'm now the secretary of the board for Black Peer Town Hall. So it's like, okay, this is, these are all new things and they require a lot of energy and focus and attention and growth. And so I think all of those things combined, plus barely having enough hours to get through my day and keep up with all these projects, constant deadlines, just is getting to me. And I can see it in my mind's eye that there is a point in my life where I'll be able to handle all these things and it'll just kind of roll off my shoulders and it'll be second nature. But right now it's a growing learning process, learning curve, and it's a steep curve, but I just know I've got to keep pushing. And in the meantime, I have to deal with anxiety. And so I'm trying to refocus. Part of that is gratitude journal, as I've talked about in the past, especially at the beginning of the pandemic, to help me refocus and stay grounded and think about the things that I'm grateful for and not the things that I'm worried about. So that's a slight perception shift that helps my mental self-talk, stay on the right course. Hopefully, if you guys can relate, just talking about this and sharing my experiences with you will give you some insight as well and maybe make you feel not alone as well, like it did with me talking to my friends. And of course, if I think of things that helped me, I'll share them with you and maybe we can grow in this together. So on another note, Plus Life Media, as I mentioned in the beginning, my buddy Carl Jay Schmid, he is an amazing guy, representative of the HIV community. He's done a lot in advocacy work. He created Plus Life. It initially was relegated to the internet as a platform online. And last year it was picked up by Localish and they have a new digital cable channel TV station. I said a lot of words. I don't know if any of that made sense. They have a TV channel. They have a station on the television box where they have a show on TV. So when you have a cable subscription, you can see it on TV. That's what I'm trying to say. It's a 30 minute show. I think it was coming on every Sunday for a while. I don't know what the schedule is at the moment, but within that 30 minute show, I have a five minute segment that's dedicated to fitness. I'm the fitness guru of Plus Life. And so every week I interview somebody else who focuses on some aspect of fitness, ask them questions, they teach me something and then I share that with the viewers at home and then possibly demo whatever exercise or whatever they happen to be sharing with me. So it's cool. It's fun and also create visibility for people living with HIV. On another note, I've also been talking about my weight loss journey. Rather, my desire to lose weight since my weight has ballooned since the pandemic happened. Also, I realized before the pandemic, I was working at a bartending job full time and I was on my feet the entire time. So I lost that job pre-pandemic because the restaurant shut down and that alone cut out about 80, 85% of my physical activity on a given day. And then the rest of that was an hour or two hours I would spend in the gym. Both of those things got wiped out. So I went from really, really active to nothing, basically, and being at home. So it's no wonder that I gained all this weight. And I know a lot of you are concerned that your HIV medication causes you to gain weight. I really, really don't think that's the case. There really isn't that much evidence to show that big tarvy especially makes you gain weight. I think it's just by virtue of the fact that we're at home and we can then lock down and jumps have been closed and our lives have become very sedentary. As a matter of fact, a week ago I clocked in at over 200 pounds. I've never weighed more than 175 ish before pandemic. So that's like 25 pounds over my average normal weight. And then it usually gets down to as low as 159 for competition. So 175 is pretty normal, 159 160 ready for the stage. And I've been like 200. So I'm trying not to freak out about it or get hard on myself. I mean, I am, I criticize myself a lot. But at the same time, I know that I can get back into gear, eat healthy, get back into working out. Plus I want to be ready for gay games 2022 in Hong Kong. It's November next year. I'm going to be competing as a physique body builder. And so it's time to start training. Now I gotta start packing on the muscle. And the thing is when you are slightly overweight or you have extra body fat, you're not as lean. That's the best time to pack on muscle because you have enough of the calories already in your body that you can draw from when you're trying to gain weight. When you're really lean, really skinny. That's when it's harder to pack on the muscle. And then so in the next three to six months, I'm going to be moving to a two bedroom apartment with my boyfriend Bo. And it's just going to be really nice to not only have a lot of space, dookie, of course, we'll be moving in with us as well. But then the second bedroom is a place where I can have my office space because I'm working from home a lot for my parents. And then also when I'm filming and doing creative stuff for my content or for plus life or what have you, all the different things that I'm working on, I have an enclosed area where I can do that right now. I'm in a corner. I've got the kitchen right here. I can look down into the kitchen and then behind the camera is the living room. So I'm in the living space of my home. So if anyone else is here, it can be a little tricky as far as noise and having to, you know, segregate themselves into the bedroom and shut the door. And so it'll just be nice to have my own space. Okay, so at the end of my videos, I want to start doing a new thing where I highlight spotlight favorite comment or DM or some message from you guys that I just want to share and respond to from Vladimir Dordovic. Sorry, I probably butchered your name. It says you are such an inspiration. Your words are really encouraging. Anyone who is struggling with STDs stay strong. It ain't easy, but there is reason why we are facing this. Maybe this is the cross we need to carry with us. You are doing great work, great God bless. So in the thing, I love your comment. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. God bless to you as well. I'm not religious, but I am spiritual. I'm so glad that my content has inspired you and helped you. And the part about the cross to bear, I've said in interviews before and probably in some of my videos that I do look at my diagnosis as a wake up call. And in some ways I look at it as a gift and a blessing because it triggered and was the catalyst for a lot of positive change in my life and woke me up in some ways that I was being that weren't helpful for me and in a way of thinking in my victim mentality and the fact that I was taking a lot of things for granted. I do view my HIV as kind of like a little friend who reminds me the preciousness of life and the preciousness of my body and to be grateful every day and to take care of myself, not only physically, but emotionally, spiritually, all of the above. So yeah, I do encourage thinking outside of the box when it comes to HIV. We don't need to look at HIV as an enemy as something that we need to fight against or something negative in our lives because it isn't. I mean, if you think about it, and I've said this before as well, HIV is a virus. What's a virus? It's tiny little particles of matter and they're just trying to live. They're just trying to survive. Just like we are on this planet. I mean, some people could say that humans are a virus on this planet. We are consuming it and destroying it. Every living organism is just trying to survive and we've interpreted that because it has a negative impact on our bodies to be something bad and evil and sinful and a reflection somehow of our worth. And that just doesn't make any sense in the grand scheme of things. So I encourage you guys to reevaluate, re-perceive HIV and what it means in your life because the more we can interpret the outside world and the inside world as something that supports us, the easier it is going to be to navigate through our lives. Thank you all for watching this video. Thank you for bouncing all over the place with all the different things that I wanted to talk about today. Please comment down below. I want to hear your thoughts, your opinions, your questions. I'll be pointing out some more comments in the videos to come. Like this video if you liked it. Subscribe if you haven't already. Please share this video. If you think it might be helpful to others, I want to get the word out and just have more eyes on this content because it's important. All right, take care guys. I'll see you soon.