 Hi guys, so you can probably tell that this is not my normal videoing spot or videoing attire or videoing look and I was going to try and sit down today and do like a sit-down video of You know my first ICU shift and how I'm feeling and I was just like I just can't I just can't like Get ready and sit in front of the camera And I'm going to tell you guys all the same things that I would even if I was already And so I'm just going to save myself that stress and just make this video for you guys because I really want to make this video for you and for me so that way I can look back on my first ICU shift so This video is probably all over the place So I apologize, but I'm just going to kind of jump into anything that pops up in my mind I want to talk about so back in Washington. I did have a little bit of ICU experience, but my ICU experience in Washington was Limited and also I was in such a small hospital that if anyone was truly sick. They usually got transferred out in The hospital that I am at now. This is like where the sick people come Rarely do they transfer someone out unless it's for something really specialized people get transferred to this ICU because they're sick and so that was So the acuity of the patients I was taking care of yesterday was unlike Anything I have ever taken care of before in nursing and so it was very overwhelming and kind of stressful To see that in like a couple of weeks. These are the types of patients that I'm going to be responsible for I think one of the most difficult slash frustrating things about my shift yesterday was Learning that new charting system. I already had a full course on it Like it was like a seven-hour class on the charting system But when you have to do it real time and especially on sick patients where and you're like, I don't want to miss anything You know, I know I'm not charting certain things because I don't know where to find them I don't know where to find the lab guys. I don't want to find the physician's Documentations so it was just like, you know, just learning that initial Charting system is always a really stressful frustrating thing It like just takes so much time and when you're already, you know, so You know stretched so thin with you know patient care Then it can be stressful with like, okay Well, am I gonna get out if you're on time? Am I gonna make sure I had everything charted and I know that's like with any new job when you start the charting system It's like it's just if you've already learned one charting system. It's really hard to Hard to start in a charting system So besides that that, you know, that's just like with any job So I had a really great preceptor. I'm gonna be with her. I think Until I'm off being precepted. She was awesome. Her and I got along well. It's always really hard I think I said this in my first day of work as like a new grad nurse video, which I'll link below My first day with my preceptor at my last job was kind of stressful When you're trying to figure out, you know, so what's kind of my role, you know, I know I am Learning and everything but I still want to try and be primary nurse But when you're both trying to, you know, make sure everything gets done and learn the flow of things and it can kind of be You know stressful at first days like figuring out kind of what your role is and obviously what when you're getting precepted Eventually your role is to be to do everything but that first day obviously you don't You know, you can't do everything because you don't know where everything is you don't know, you know, how things work around there and So that yeah that you know, we had a little bit of that, you know, just trying to figure out, you know Who's who's charting? What did you chart this? Did you know did this get done? Do they know and that's just, you know, like with any precepting and if you hear the dog, sorry, they are He's got her by the collar They I just woke up they just woke up and so they're playing until I go take them out anyways, so I think One of the hardest parts of my shift yesterday and I can't really talk too much about it, but I think Last night I was kind of feeling down. I was like, I'm just gonna go to bed. I'm gonna wake up I'm gonna feel better. I'm gonna have kind of had that relaxed, you know Good night's rest and wake up and feel like, okay, you know, I got this But I honestly I don't feel like that today Like I honestly I still feel kind of down and like not frustrated necessarily with myself, but just like Honestly doubting but all this use that word doubting myself and this is like the first time in my nursing career I have ever felt like Can I even do this like can I even do this job? Am I even smart enough quick enough? Have you know good critical thinking skills and like this is the first time in my job I've ever felt like this, you know, there's been shifts where I felt down and everything and you know but so what happened yesterday basically we had a really Sticky situation that turned into an emergent situation and It was a sticky situation because you know things it just Weren't handled not necessarily by myself and my nurse but by other people the way that they probably should have and You know, I'm not sure. I'm not sure how the family is feeling, but it could be a potentially, you know legal situation and You know, I'll just leave it at that without giving any other information out But like that's really stressful as a nurse Especially your first shift where you don't know the charting system to be like, okay I need to make sure I chart everything on my end to make sure that things look good on my end That I did and you know all of that to make sure that you know if this ever proceeded to a higher level that it was But I'm not gonna get in trouble basically and so that's stressful. Now. It's like I'm I'm trying not to go home and be like Well, you know, is there something I could have done, you know Could I have recognized this sooner? Could I have done this sooner? Could I have talked to this person sooner? You know, we always can do that and I feel like hey, don't bark I feel like with any situation like any code any emergent situation Like you always have those thoughts and it's really like just a hard thing to process especially like when you go home It's your first day. There's already so many overwhelming factors so that was probably the biggest thing that really is Is bothering me at this point and you know last night I said I'm just gonna go home fall asleep Not think about it wake up and be better and I'm honestly not better And luckily I have two more days off to process it and I know I know this is like normal I know that there's gonna be shifts where I just go home and feel defeated So it's like I can tell myself all those things but like really to feel them and experience them it's really you know, it's different and This is like I said like the first time in my nursing career where I have felt, you know Really like am I even cut out to be this type of nurse? But I know like I know I'm a good nurse. I know I'm smart I know I'm a quick learner and I told my preceptor. I Said I was like wow this is like this is really stressful And she was like I had a girl that I precepted, you know weeks ago who told me after her first shift I don't think I can come back like I don't think I'm cut out for this job and She's like just come back the second day. It's gonna be better and she came back the second day and it was better So I'll have to make a video after my second day Actually, I have shifts Monday and Tuesday back-to-back, so I'll probably make a video on Wednesday updating you guys on how it's going But I'm hoping it gets better. I know it's gonna get better. I know it's just so hard like You don't know your first day The hospital is so so big that I couldn't even find my way back to the parking lot after my shift last night And part of that is when I got to my shift yesterday. I was rushing in I wasn't paying attention to like which turns I was making But I like couldn't find my way to the parking lot last night And I was just like I'm never gonna find my way to the parking lot after my shifts Anyways, I was just kind of you know defeated and down but The only way to go is up after this and it's gonna get better and I wanted to share with you guys my like raw feelings and emotions and You know how I'm truly feeling right now because you know I make a lot of positive motivating videos that you know nursing so great and it's wonderful and It is it really is wonderful But like there are times where you do feel like this where you don't feel Like you did a good enough job where you could have done something where you're concerned about something else And it's really you know, it's really difficult, but it's a it's just like it's a factor into like what we sign up When we do nursing we're gonna see things that are terrible. We're gonna do things that you know no person should have to do and just you know really It's a hard thing. So anyways, I'm gonna end the video there if you guys have any other questions or comments Leave it in the comments below. Thank you for watching. I'll definitely keep you guys updated as things progress how I'm feeling Don't worry. I'm not suicidal. I feel like I'm depressed a little bit today But I know it's just because of everything that went on, you know, not really depressed But anyways, thank you guys for watching give this video a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel and I'll see you guys next time Bye