 So in a moment, we're gonna talk about what a man can do to demonstrate loyalty to you now when I think of loyalty I'm not necessarily talking about fidelity although that's an important part of it But what I'm really talking about is building deeper trust with you And when I think of loyalty, I think of it in the sense of does this person have my best interest at heart? In other words, do they put their feelings or my feelings commensurate with their own feelings? And I don't mean above it or below it. I just mean commensurate to it So I want to share with you where this video was birthed because something recently happened that I have to share and I have a friend. She's a younger person who recently got for lack of better word dumped by the man She's with they were together for a year and a half. It was a long-distance dynamic By the way, she didn't heed my warnings or listen to my advice just a little upfront. I acted as a big uncle to her But at the point where and they've been they see she's so happy she so this is such an amazing Relationship he's unlike any other man. I've ever felt these are all the feelings she expressed about him When she finally approached the idea of move again, this was a long-distance dynamic I believe about 1,500 miles when she Suggested that she might move to his city not move in with him But move to his city to help progress the relationship He then let her know that he had actually been dating other people And then probably wasn't a good idea She was devastated, you know, here's a person who professed monogamy and exclusivity and Yet he didn't his actions didn't match his words. So it got me thinking about something that I want to lean into in today's conversation I'm not sure how many of you at least here in the United States are familiar with something called the code of conduct the code of conduct for military people I Invite you to Google it the because there's a lot of different variations to this but the code of conduct is one of the Agreements or vows people make when they join the military that they're going to uphold You know another way of looking at this is like a wedding vow You know, it's it's it's an agreement you make with another person that you're gonna uphold and within the code of conduct You know, there are things like never leave a man behind always be impeccable with your word The list goes on and on in fact It's proud to some degree it mirrors what I think everybody should be reading the book the four agreements If you're not familiar with this book I highly recommend checking out the book the four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz but to some degree these are are Principles to live by their level of code of conduct That humans I invite everyone to live by in particular when it comes to Relationships so if you're not familiar the work of Dr. Dan stat or excuse me Stan Tatkin Stan Tatkin. He wrote two amazing books. He wrote Wired for love and wired for dating I highly recommend checking this out wired for love wired for dating Okay, Dr. Stan Tatkin But he came up with something called the ten commandments for relationship essentials Right that down the ten commandment for relationship essentials Now I'm not gonna read all these because it'll take me 20 minutes I'm just kidding but but I want to read this to you because this really ties into The code of conduct because what is loyalty loyalty is a way of operating in the world that said my words and my actions my my word my bond all of this matters so in the ten commandment for relationship essentials The first commandment is thou shall protect the safety and security of the relationship at all costs Thou shall protect the safety and security of the relationship all costs So I want everyone to visualize this. There's a you there's a me or there's a there's you know There's there's you know, there's you in the relationship the other person There's me in the relationship of the other person and where they cross together in this Venn diagram if you will There's the we The we is a separate entity and until couples actually reach a state of we It's going to be difficult to lean into a conversation that has anything to do with trust and loyalty See today, I'm going to share with everyone. I did an Instagram post. I want to share this with everyone I did an Instagram post today But I want to read this to everyone and by the way, this is what the meme says There cannot Excuse the fuzziness there cannot be a relationship unless there is commitment unless there is loyalty Unless there is love patience and persistence. Can you can you see sorry for the fuzziness of that? Okay, but this was my caption below it And this is so critically important to this conversation I'm going to share with you something you can do to help facilitate loyalty Sooner rather than later at least it will gauge where his emotional maturity is but in this meme I wrote the following The word relationship Is rather subjective these days and I've noticed humans Enter into romantic connection with little or no agreements Let me repeat that little or no agreements in my book. These are called casual relationships or situationships And they are fraught with uncertainty or a lack of direction One of the first basic human needs is certainty which provides emotional comfort By the way, everyone right now write this down the six basic human needs and google this at a later date the six basic human needs When two people enter into one of these relationships They are putting their emotional vortex in a potential war zone thinking of the military And the emotional damage can be significant The minute two people engage in getting to know one another I'm a big proponent but Jonathan all the dating coaches say just have fun Let romance be the guide allow chemistry to be the indicator of relationship success and attraction Or let's follow the red pill rules where the men are the leaders of the relationship and a woman's job Is just to give a guy sex whenever he wants okay, and i'm paraphrasing what I think the red pill community does But women are submissive men are superior. This is all the garbage Humans are listening to instead of really getting granular to the sense of the minute you begin engaging with another person emotionally Or engaging with another person it can affect us emotionally And sadly most humans are not rather grown up about this in the dating process So i'm going to share with you what i'm going to recommend that all of you do in a moment to at least vet if this person has potential For loyalty you see you you by the way loyalty might be on your list you might have integrity honesty trustworthiness loyalty is your top of your list, but That's not something you can see on a first second or third date And yet humans will have physical intimacy on a first second or third date They'll give their bodies to another human being without ever earning it So Let me rewind for a second and i've talked about this before in real estate. There's a there's an expression Does anyone know the expression in real estate? What's the most important thing when it comes to real estate? location location That's the first and most important thing about real estate is location location location When it comes to dating mating and relating It's character character and character This is the most important facet of anyone within one of the most important facets within anyone in relationship And this will dictate their genuine loyalty towards you. So i'm going to share with you for a few minutes Just some signs to look for okay Now these are rather obvious. So i'll go through these quickly, but number one actions Consistently matching their words. Look at we're all human. We can make mistakes, but actions consistently matching their words They have a generous and kind spirit. Oh as i'm reading this by the way ladies since most of my audience is ladies I'm talking about you too. You don't get off the hook on any of this stuff either Okay, because i will tell you as much as you ladies point the fingers This is what women do they point the finger at men and men are pointing the finger at women Most human beings are rather dysfunctional. Let's not and let's own it for ourselves I want everyone to own i'm dysfunctional and i'm working on myself. Okay I want you to write that down. I'm dysfunctional and i'm working on myself now when I say it I say it with a bit of tongue-in-cheek. Okay, but the fact is is My actions haven't always matched my words, but it consistently does Number two i'm relatively generous and kind for the most part not always I can be self-centric, but for the most part i'm generous and kind Now number three and this is kind of a code of conduct of character Is the person communicates clearly without having to be right? Communicates clearly without having to be right if you're not familiar with the work of dr. John and julie dotman In the book eight dates. Okay. I'm going to go to the table of contents here. Okay, by the way all the books I recommend are in the link below Okay um Number two. Do you see that right there agree to disagree addressing conflicts Folks One of the most important things in a relationship is conflict resolution skills In fact the gottmans have a new book out among this. I call it fighting fair. Okay And what that means is you don't have to be right People that have to be right are not the best people to be in relationship with Number four, they don't use people. They are clear about commitment coming back to this man I was talking about He was ambiguous about commitment He didn't progress the relationship forward. He just said, you know, you're you see this is what happens with most of you Oh my god, you're so amazing. You're so wonderful. It feels so great. I love being with you. Oh, let's travel. Let's go do this True character the code of conduct the essentials of a relationship and again I would highly google dr. Stan tackens the 10 commandments for relationship essentials Requires having these deeper conversation ladies before you become physically intimate with someone and again I'm going to share something in a moment that I highly encourage you all to do going forward Number five they have their act together both emotionally and logistically in their life In other words, they're not going through some emotional chaos their their marriage wasn't this, you know, they they they're not Pining over a previous relationship. They're very clean in their past relationships. They're not hung up on drugs and alcohol You know, you have to pay attention to these things people that party too much I said, you know past relationships, they've healed from their past relationships I would venture to say 80 of the single population in the dating marketplace is still hung up on an x Both females and males. This is not singular to a gender By the way, forgive my shouting, but my coffee mug says swear a little you'll feel better I don't curse on the jonathan from the heart videos See I have a standard I like to this is my this is my calm video, you know, it's funny This is supposed to be my calm video But this this incident with this friend of mine and this man who dumped her has me So riled up that I have to scream at the top of my lungs to encourage you all to listen to this They've healed their past relationships. They're introspective They work on themselves to grow past their limitation their wounds and their traumas And they are protective of your feelings a true Loyal person a true loyal person. I don't care if they're male or female They operate from a code of conduct that says I'm looking out for your feelings always Because I know I'm going to be okay, but I want to make sure that my My actions match my words the way I operate in this this this thing we call romantic relationships is in absolute integrity Now it's confusing for many of you because you can't feel this on a first second or third date Okay, you can't feel this on a first second day loyalty Okay Because feelings aren't facts. Okay feelings aren't facts feelings are just feelings. Okay And when you begin to get to know someone oftentimes we have this chemical cocktail of Oxytocin and dopamine and testosterone and estrogen and serotonin all being released from our body and we feel good in the moment You see a true emotional grown-up Knows clearly what they want in the form of a relationship. They are crystal clear. There's no ambivalence. There's no past relationship That's um, that's you know Occupying real estate in someone's mind. They are very crystal clear And when a person is crystal clear, they'll demonstrate loyalty in this way Many of you might be familiar with something known as my dating vows my dating vows. Okay By the way, there's a link to get my dating vows below But just like the code of conduct that military people stay just like the 10 commandments for a relationship essentials that dr Stan tackman talks about The dating vows is an agreement that you make before you become physically intimate that says the following We and you each recite this i jonathan or i Catherine Agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next three to six months I believe if you are not clearly serious between the third and sixth month If it's still ambiguous If it's vague If it's not progressing Then you're going to find yourself in that casual or situation ship. Okay Number two I agree to be monogamous sexually while we have regular sex together You look that person in the eye and you say i'm going to be monogamous and you request that the other person Do that does that mean they'll be loyal to it? No, but you know what we all have You know a virtue button in the back of our mind and when we're out of integrity We usually if we're going to be out of integrity. We usually end the relationship sooner rather than later Not always but most of the time I agree to not actively seek to meet and date others while we're in this dating process including taking down our dating profiles I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing And I agree to invest regular time in the process to get to know you Which looks like and for jonathan's sake it looks like this We spend three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends Traveling together teamwork building skills both in our personal and our professional life intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together or getting married That is my standard folks The standards represent the rules of engagement If someone doesn't believe in your standard If they don't adhere to your standard Then you're not in the same you're not Okay, I want you to think of like a library, okay You know in library there's books, okay? And then there's books or you know, there's two books put together and they're on a bookshelf And they're in a certain aisle in a certain section in this library If you're not even on the same bookshelf, then you shouldn't be investing time with this person And let me just say this 90 percent of men will bail on this because there's thousands of women will have sex with them Without commitment or agreement whatsoever if all women band together going forward This will change how men treat and view sex But in the meantime if he does agree you have a better chance of commitment than without it I have clients who call me all the time jonathan. I am using your radical honesty Radical honesty techniques. I'm laying my cards on the table and I'm establishing the rules of engagement I'm having these conversations in the very early stages of getting to know someone and guess what? Men are stepping up Men need direction It's just nobody knows most men are rather clueless. They're winging it. They're winging it and since it's only women that listen to me I invite you to send this video off out to men and let them criticize it You know, but those aren't the legit guys. Anyway, the legit guy is going to hear this and go, you know what? jonathan, you just made my job easier. Thank you for putting this out there this way You just made my job easier And that's all i'm here to do is to invite you to be an emotional grown-up Not to let the little kid inside of you run the show because the little kid wants to be loved so badly And I get it. I'm with you. My little kid just wants to be hugged and loved At the same time the grown-up wants to be in a grown-up relationship And this is a grown-up way of approaching it But jonathan all the dating coaches tell me otherwise. Well, by the way, if all these other dating coaches were so right Why do we have such a miserable? Dating marketplace and god think about it. We have over a here in the united states I think we have a hundred million singles now. I mean it's you there's more singles than there are couples There's a reason for it. It's time to make a paradigm shift. Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know All right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below I'd like to hear what you think. I do my best to read all the comments As always if you find value in this group or this video, please go to my website Hit the group coaching button so you can join this group. This video was actually shot for my group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis There's a link called midlife love mastery right below And again, you can have regular access to me for less than a cup of coffee a day All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video I'm gonna reach I'm gonna first off give myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera. Excuse those pit stains and give you a hug of love I'm asking you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye. Bye