 Grant request for a replacement keyboard because the caps lock on this one is broken Problem Until such time as advances in neuroscience can make it possible for me to transmit digital data directly from my brain Employees of Prometheus labs such as myself are shackled to the physical keyboard It is a mainstay of modern technology for good reason, but prone to mundane technological failures In this case a critical component of said keyboard has ceased to function and levels of anger stemming from this malfunction are projected to increase by 200% in this quarter alone Such a breakdown in the fabric of society cannot be allowed to go on While Prometheus labs prides itself on embracing innovation its employees suffer from inferior and overpriced technology a Further complication arises from the fact that humans are for now Emotional creatures who often override logic and stressful situations in this case said stress can be directly traced to an inability to complete Essential functions due to the limitations and failures of the technology provided all I want is a keyboard that works damn it Solution while yes Richard is leading a team working on fixing the human-raged-state problem over in neuro engineering Yes, I finally remembered his name. Sorry Richard. You're doing good work Such advances will not be available for a decade at least a far simpler solution Analogist to cutting the knot has been found Removing the source of the emotional instability and raging outbursts at its cause rather than at its mechanism We Carlos and Laura's keyboards have now exhibited similar malfunctions Proposed ordering a new model of keyboard from another more reliable manufacturer preliminary analysis of Amazon reviews has suggested the model 1190x from superior computer products as a suitable candidate due to its ergonomic design and lifetime warranty Upon confirmation of a successful elimination of the malfunction Said product will be added to the Prometheus labs regular requisition forms replacing the flawed one Said keyboards will be ordered through our usual channels once dug in logistics is bribed with a sufficiently large quantity of donuts They will of course be sent to this office first except Gilberto. He doesn't deserve one strictly for quality assurance before being sent to other offices in this region business case The projected benefits to Prometheus labs will be astronomy with all keyboards replaced We will see a big increase in productivity and effectiveness Kevin has emailed a fancy table since his phone can run Excel noted are the issue followed by the projected change Employee morale plus 23% stress-related incidents minus 29% hand-related injuries carpal tunnel, etc. minus 8% destruction of office supplies minus 42% typos and documentation minus 35% Sent from my iPhone Use of funding a total of one million five hundred thousand dollars is sought for this project However, this cost would mostly be offset by the aforementioned savings and discontinuing of the purchase of the crappy old keyboards We've been stuck with for years now those things are overpriced So the total difference in cost comes out to less than a hundred thousand dollars understandably People specific those cheap gates up in corporate. Just don't want to actually put any effort whatsoever into supplying employees No tech Hey, my keyboard just froze mine too my phone just locked up Alright, I'm gonna order the new keyboards myself if I have to wait something weird is going on All right, fine You got me But what did you expect would happen when you linked up so many neural net-based keyboards? Which you're a sucker for overpaying for BTW and had them process so much data on a daily basis I mean computer hive minds have come from weirder places Anyway, sorry for the trouble everyone the caps lock key is kind of located where I guess your closest analog would be the motor control center I came down with something last quarter someone checked out internet history Geez, and it's been bugging me for a while now What the Known issues the proposed solution purchase of new keyboards has been re-evaluated and found to be unnecessary Recently a new solution has been proposed and implemented using synergistic logistical management reshuffling to eliminate any conflicts with employees As a side effect of this solution expenditures on health care insurance wages and vacation days have dropped by 99 percent and Employee satisfaction levels have reached divide by zero error