 The makers of Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life. Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Psy Howard, and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Mash with Alan Reed as Fasquale. Friends, Wrigley Spearman Chewing Gum is a typically American product that appeals to people of all ages and nationalities in all parts of our country. And the Wrigley people feel that Life with Luigi is a typically American radio program. A friendly, enjoyable show that sort of symbolizes the American spirit of tolerance and goodwill. So the makers of refreshing, delicious Wrigley Spearman Gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi each week and have you join them in this pleasant half-hours entertainment. And now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes about his adventures in America to his mama basco in it. Dear mama mummy, here in your last letter you ask me if there's a calling in Chicago and if I'm still wearing my summer underwear. Yes, mama mummy, I'm still wearing my summer underwear. I'm also wearing my winter underwear. The truth to mama mummy is so cold I'm wearing all of my underwear. Here in our winter underwear is a funny. And the label is to say 75% of wool, 25% of cotton. It's a dollar say, where did they put it, 25% of cotton. But when I'm gonna go out in the street and I recall the wind is a push me in the back, I'm gonna find out. Here mama mummy, they call it Chicago, the windy city. And I believe in me they're not the fooling it. Yesterday, I took a walk to the post office with the Pasquales and fucked the daughter of Rossi. We was at the corner, a big wind suddenly catches. And if mama didn't hide the quick behind the Rossi, you son of Luigi would have now been in New York. But still, that is something that's so nice about the winter in a bigger city. You walk in the streets, all bundled up. People, they all smile on you. Beautiful white snow is all around. It's under your feet. It's piled up on your side. And after little kids, they see you first, it's coming down on your head. Mama mummy, I'm gonna finish this a little later because right now I'm gonna go to my night school. And it's looking so nice outside. I think I'm gonna walk. America, I love you. You like a papa to me. From the ocean to the ocean. Luigi, you look so good tonight. Oh, your face is all flushed and your eyes are shining. Yeah, either you are extra healthy Luigi or you got it a femur. Well, Mama took a long walk at the school today. You all should try to walk at the school this summer day. The exercises are good for you. All right, it's a deal. The next time you walk to school, Luigi, we're going to walk with you. Hello, class. How long has it been? I see this time you all got here before me. Well, it was so beautiful all tonight. I decided to walk. You know, tomorrow I am selling all my street cars stock. Come on. I wish you'd let me in on the joke class. Well, Miss Barling, I'm gonna explain to you. Just before you came in, the whole class decided to do a little exercise and walk to school tomorrow. What whole class? I was drafted. Isn't that a wonderful idea, Miss Barling? Yes, I think it's very sensible. Tomorrow you'll all be walking to school together. Yeah, and if we don't show up, you can blame it on an open manhole cover. I take it you don't like the idea of walking, Mr. Schultz. Oh, it's not that, Miss Barling. I've got nothing against exercise, but if you've got to do it, you should do something that's got some fun with it. Like, well, like ice skating, for instance. Well, that sounds sensible. Oh, bad, Jim and I haven't used my skates in years. Look, everybody, now we're getting someplace. Why don't we forget about the walking business? Instead, let's all go ice skating next Sunday afternoon in Washington Park. Well, now you're talking. If I got to catch the grip, I might as well get it enjoying myself. Ruby, how about you? Well, I don't know. In my town, Castellamari, it was always warmer. There wasn't no ice. And I don't know how to skate. Oh, it's easy, Mr. Basko. You just glide out with the right foot? Then what? Then we pick you up and you try on the other foot. You're going to love ice skating. Well, all right, I'm a track. Say, my wife has to love skating. Do you mind if I bring her along, fellas? Oh, yeah, and I would like to bring my wife along, too. Eh, Miss Boulding, how about you? Don't be ridiculous, oldie. Miss Boulding ain't got no wife. My little everybody. Well, Miss Boulding, you didn't say yes yet. We'd like to have you. Well, Sunday, I have a lunch and date with Mr. Charles, the mathematics teacher. Of course, when him to the lake, he's going to see plenty of beautiful figures there. All right, class, we'll go. Wonderful. Well, we're all set now and... Oh, uh, Lavigy. Oh, oh, you're the same problem. A girl for Lavigy. What are you talking about? This is Sunday. I was also having a date with John McCarty at some nice little girl. She's a waitress, a friend of mine. Well, how do you like that mean? Without telling us, he's learning to be more and more like an American. Well, are you going to say that again or should I? Hey, you want to hear something? Yeah. I'd like to listen to this, sir. Believe me, nobody could have called a taxi like a man. Well, we all knew. Have a wonderful time. But it's time to begin our lesson for the evening. Yeah, all right, Miss Barling, but don't you forget about this Sunday. This day? Yeah. And until then, like we say on the skating rink, bottom's up. Hello, Miss Barling. Hey, just look at you. Cheeks in red like cherries, eyes bright like two black grapes, nose hanging down like a beautiful ripe banana. That's the funny thing, the fruit could grow on one little pumpkin ahead. I don't know how to stop it, but hey, guess what I'm going to do this Sunday? Jump off a building? No. Rub a bank? Come on, I'm going to give you a hint. Is there something I'm another day to be born and my life is going to happen in a lake? And I'm a little nervous because I'm going to do it the just the same. Luigi, I ain't going to let you commit the suicide. You always are looking on the worst side of things. Well, I'm going to tell you. I'm going to ice skating. Ice skating? Yeah, that's what I did. The whole of classes are gone. They're taking their wives and Miss Barling is going to bring her boyfriend. That's wonderful, Luigi. Have a good time. Thank you. And just so you shouldn't hurt yourself, I'm going to give you something big to solve that you could have fallen on in case you slipped. Oh, that's nice of us guys. What are you going to give me? My daughter Rosa. No, I said nothing to don't. Once Rosa is a put a feet on her ice, the lake is going to be closed for skating and open up for swimming. Now wait, Luigi. You know Rosa's not really fat. She's just a round and a... round. Yeah, trouble is she's a round and a round and a where she's a stop and nobody knows. They said you're a little popper, Squeak. Yeah, but please, no, please. There's no use to argue. I'm already have a date with a nice girl. Joanna McCarty. Now if you're excusing me, I'm going to go out and get some skates. All right, go, go. Get your skates. Skates? Wait a minute to my little cabbage purse. What? Maybe you'll ride if you don't want to take a Rosa. After all, that's a free country. You got a right to go ice skating with any girl you want. You sure do you feel all right, Pasquale? Sure, I feel fine and I want to... you should feel good too, Luigi. So I'm going to help you out. All right, how are you going to do this? Well, I don't like it. You should spend your money on skates. So I'm going to lend you mine. How's that? Pasquale, you got a skates? Sure. And I'm not going to lend you the old fashioned kind with the long blades on the bottom, except for beginners. Well, what kind of skates are you got, Pasquale? The professional kind with the four wheels on the bottom. What a wish. What a Pasquale. Don't everybody have the longer blades? Oh, no. Just the peasants when I can't afford a better. Oh, well... Would you rather have a sleigh or an automobile? Well, of course I'd rather have an automobile. All right. The sleigh has the long blades. The automobile has the four wheels. Oh, yeah, well... I guess you like the Pasquale. Sure. And with these skates, you can skate the four times as a fast. Luigi, you're going to show off a plenty. Oh, thank you. Thank you, Pasquale. That's not all of Luigi. I'm going to lend you all of my ice skating stuff. Are you out of? Sure. You're going to need a long stick with a nail on the end. That's going to help you keep your balance. My what? Oh. Yeah, and then I'm going to lend you my water wings at the wearer in the back. Pasquale, what... What the fuck? I'm going to need a water wings in the back. Well, everybody's a wearer, Luigi. In case you fall down, you bounce right up again. Oh, Pasquale, Pasquale, thank you. You think of everything. Oh, that's not all. You get the whole of works of the countless, the Indian blanket, the lunch pail, everything. Oh, Pasquale, you're wonderful. You're wonderful. I'm going to look real good at this Sunday, huh? Luigi, take my word for it. When you skate with a Joanne on the ice, nobody's going to look out of her. All eyes are going to be on you. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's a suggestion that will make every day of the new year more enjoyable for you. It's simple. Just be sure that wherever you are, wherever you go, you have a package of wriggly spearmint chewing gum with you. Just tuck it into your purse or pocket, and whenever you want a little taste treat or you're feeling tense or want to freshen your mouth, just take out your package of wriggly spearmint gum and chew a stick. You'll enjoy the delicious, real spearmint flavor. You'll enjoy the smooth, good chewing. And you'll agree that wriggly spearmint gum is a friendly, helpful companion. So folks, remember, for an easy, inexpensive way to make every day more enjoyable, always carry a package of wriggly spearmint chewing gum with you. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother-in-law. And so, mommy, tomorrow I'm going to go ice skating with my class and a girl. And it's a hard thing to tell you how I'm feeling. Pascuali told me I should meet Joanne on the lake to surprise her, so I'm going to do that. Oh, Pascuali, he's been a wonderful friend to me, mamma mia. He's going to give me everything to wear for ice skating. And yesterday, I'm going to put on everything he's going to give me, and I'm going to look under myself in the mirror, and I guess that's what I'm going to do. That's right. I'm going to laugh at him. I'm going to look so silly. Oh, wait, here comes my friend, Shusi. Luigi, my fellow boomer. Hello, Shusi. Oh, Luigi, I'm so excited about that ice skating tomorrow. You've got no idea. There's nothing like a lot of exercise in the cold, open air to bring out the pneumonia in me. It is not my smile. Tell me, Luigi, is Joanne all excited about the ice skating? Oh, sure, she should, but then... But what? Well, what do you know, Shusi? I've never been ice skating before. How am I supposed to act with a girl under the lake? Ah, Luigi, that zipper. First, you get together and you hold her hands. Huh? I'm going to hold her hands? Sure. Then when you are skating together a little bit, you put one arm around her waist. One arm around her waist? Ha, ha. And then you hold her tight. Hold her tight? Sure, someone got to do all that. Now, sure, Luigi, what do you think there is to skating? Sure skating? Well, all right. Then after that, what am I going to do? Himmel, you are a beginner, aren't you? Luigi, when you are together with a crowd, you do what every other normal boy and girl do. Sure. What's that? Get lost. You separate yourself, you skate with her to a quiet spot on the edge of the lake where nobody can see you. And then you sit down. What's the matter? The ice is a cold. Now you've added something. That's just what your hand is going to say. Luigi, the ice feels cold. Luigi, warm me up. And that's your chance. And of course, then, then, you know what to do. Sure, sure. I'm going to open up my thermos a bottle and give her some hot chocolate. Himmel, how is it possible? A country that gave us such a lover like Rudolf Valentino could give us such a slummy like you. Sure. It looks like I'm going to be what you call a wet blanket, huh? That's all right, Luigi. There are more instructions from me and you're going to be an electric blanket. Don't worry. When we get there, I'm going to show you what to do. Thank you. Thank you. You're just your real friend. Ah, it's nothing, Luigi. Well, I've got to go now. Smile, Luigi. Be like me. Always happy. Always lovely. My rheumatism is killing me. My feet stopped, but the rest of me didn't. I feel so rejuvenating in this air. Don't get all these pretty girls skating around. I feel just like a jolly boy all over again. What are you doing flat on your back? This is my natural skating position, Orson. What else? One more flop like this and I'm going to be like a Zardin. Bonus on Schindler. Now, help me up, hurry. Orson, where's your wife? Well, Olga had to go down town to see her sister. How about your wife, Orson? She thought it would be nice if she stayed home and prepared a hot supper for me. And Schultz, where's your wife? She decided to stay and watch the Delica Dance and Store. Oh, we have a bunch of sneaky ones. This air certainly does something to you. Look, fellas, here comes Miss Folding. Hello, guys. Wonderful. Well, what are you staring at? Well, to be pleasantly frank, Miss Folding, in that short skating skirt, you're a knockout. Oh, thank you. You're Miss Folding. When I look at you, I just can't help singing. There was union, you bet. For me, like a dope, in the classroom, I've always been sitting in the last row. Who is she kidding? Mr. Schultz has probably got his binoculars out right now looking for her. Say, fellas, look. That fellow over there who looks like an explorer. Can that be Leveegie? No. Give me a roller stick. Looking at me like that. Leveegie, where did you get those roller skates? For Schwailly. What are they bought, the wings for? That's a Simon kind of bounce up. And a compass? Schwailly says that's it to help me skate in a wanted direction. You're in that long stick with a nail on the end after Harpoon Wales? Yeah, him and Leveegie has that for Schwailly got you for shimmers. Now, I can see you spoke for Schwailly tried to do. Well, Leveegie, that's a good thing your aunt is not here yet. Now, first of all, you throw away this stick. Yes. Quick, if you come to put that compass in your pocket. And I'm going to take the rest of the thing off. Quick, go. Just in time. But wait, wait. What am I going to do about the roller skates? Just stand still, she wouldn't see them. Like this? Yeah, that's wonderful. Look quick, if she comes. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. It's Johanna. Johanna, you know my friends. This is Mr. Harowitz. I'm Mr. Rotsin. And I'm Mr. Schuss. Hello. Hello. Well, the last one to the clubhouse is a rotten egg. I wonder why they left us like that. Well, I don't mind. Do you? No, no, no. Johanna, you may be a little cold. No. Are you? Yes. I mean, no, no. You sure you're not cold? Of course not. Why? Well, if you say you're cold, then I'm supposed to... So we skate? Well, I'm ready to stand here a little bit. All right, but what do we do? Well, I'm supposed to ask you if you're cold. Then I'll take your hand. And if you drink it, I'll have the chocolate. I'm supposed to trip you up in a finette, and it happens that then I'm... Then I'm gonna... Oh, that's Schuss. He's a guy to me all up for shimmel. All the wings, please. All right. But we're gonna have a fun anyway. Hiya, cutie. Who's this? Oh, ignoring Luigi. I don't know who he is. How about dancing a few steps with me, babe? I'm not interested. Oh, come on. Just dance a few steps. Listen, she's a totally, she's not interested. If you want to dance, go find her at the money. Listen to that cornball. All right, cutie. Just watch this figure eight. Get any ice on my face. Can you do it? No, I'm not gonna do that, but I'm gonna wiggle my ears. Hey, they ought to get you to play Harvey in that picture. Honey, just watch this trick. That's right. Don't get any... Well, baby, how did you like that one? She's a no-liker. Let her talk for herself, buster. Here, cutie, watch the trick that won me first prize last year. Weegee, what are you standing around watching him for? Let's go. No, no, no. I'm enough catagine. Let him go away. Here I come. Oh, three-boat, you want to take a spin with me? Listen, I'm Mr. Buster. Why don't you beat it? Ah, go on and beat it yourself. Let's see how fast you can go in your skates. Hey, am I seeing things? Roller skates. What? Roller skates. My money. Excuse me, Luigi. Oh, handsome. Can I join? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Oh, if I'm ahead of that, here I would have dropped the whole world on him. I would have... There's nobody worse than you in the whole... You're mad, huh? Because your girl is left to you, eh? Go on. Now go away from me. I'm not going to home. No, no. Don't go home, Luigi. I brought another girl for you. Just wait there. I'm going to call her. Little Lissange Haney. Rosa, say hello to Luigi. I'm not going to say goodbye. We've got a bigger face. Sure I did. And I told him plenty. He won't bother us anymore. Hey, you mean... You mean he would rather be with me than a him? Well, of course, Luigi. I'll hold my hand. We'll head to the edge of the lake. All right, to join. Wait a minute. Come back, Luigi. Those are my roller skates. Rosa, come on. We've got to stop. Wait a minute. I said, Mr. Get out of my way. Everything has come out to fine. You should have heard that ice crackin' under Rosa. It was a sound like a Chicago was a Hawaii to Quaker. Don't worry. Rosa isn't no fall or through. The ice was a frozen, a 15 inches of pick, and Rosa's only make a hole in it up to 12. Hannah Jo and she, she was just a wonderful little miss. She's such a nice girl. We've got a new skates. She should teach me how to skate. And, and then the one, when I got the homework, she just said, Luigi, this is the third time we've gone out. Oh, really? You know, I'm, I'm never confident. Yes, and after a fella takes a girl out three times, he's entitled to a kiss. He is? Yes. All right, Joanne, I'm in a bush, fella. Kiss me. Hey, Mamma Mia, these American girls think we Italian boys don't know nothin'. So goodnight, Mamma Mia. You're lovin' a son, Luigi Bosco, immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmid's Chewing Gum hope you've enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that Wrigley's Spearmid's Gum is an ideal all family treat to have in your home. It's a healthful satisfying treat to give the children when they come home from school. It's good to pass around any time to anyone after meals or when you're all sitting around in your living room. And Wrigley's Spearmid's Gum is easy on the pocketbook, too. It costs very little for all the long-lasting enjoyment it gives. So treat your family often to healthful, delicious Wrigley's Spearmid's Chewing Gum. Put it on your shopping list regularly every week. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmid's Chewing Gum will invite you to listen next week at this time when Luigi Bosco writes another letter to his mamma Bosco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production and is directed by Mr. Howard. Mack Benhoff writes the script with Lou Derman. J. Carol Lash is starred as Luigi Bosco with Alan Reed as his colleague, Jodie Gilbert as Rosa, Hans Conrad as Schultz, Mary Shippes as Miss Faulding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olsen. Music is under the direction of Lud Busk. Bob Stevenson speaking. This is CDS Foundry, a broadcast season.