 Section 1 of the Soros of Young Verta. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Soros of Young Verta by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. As read by Rob de Lorenzo in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Section 1. Preface. I have carefully collected whatever I have been able to learn of the story of poor Verta, and here present it to you, knowing that you will thank me for it. To his spirit and character, you cannot refuse your admiration and love. To his fate, you will not deny your tears. And thou, good soul, who sufferst the same distress as he endured once, draw comfort from his sorrows, and let this little book be thy friend, if, owing to good fortune, or through thine own fault, thou canst not find a dear companion. Book 1. May 4. How happy I am that I am gone. My dear friend, what a thing is the heart of man. To leave you, from whom I have been inseparable, whom I love so dearly, and yet to feel so happy. I know you will forgive me. Have not other attachments been specifically appointed by fate to torment a head like mine? Poor Lenora, and yet I was not to blame. Was it my fault that, wist the particular charms of her sister afforded me an agreeable entertainment? A passion for me was engendered in her feeble heart? And yet am I wholly blameless? Did I not encourage her emotions? Did I not feel charmed at those truly genuine expressions of nature, which, though but little mirthful in reality, so often amused us? Did I not? But, o, what is man, that he dares so to accuse himself? My dear friend, I promise you that I will improve. I will no longer, as has ever been my habit, continue to rumiate on every petty vexation which fortune made dispense. I will enjoy the present, and the past shall be for me the past. No doubt you are right, my best of friends. There will be far less suffering amongst mankind, if men, and God knows why they are so fashioned, did not employ their imaginations so assiduously in recalling the memory of past sorrow instead of bearing their present lot with equanimity. Be kind enough to inform my mother that I shall attend to her business to the best of my ability, and shall give her the earliest information about it. I have seen my aunt, and find that she is very far from being the disagreeable person our friends allege her to be. She is a very lively, cheerful woman, with the best of hearts. I explain to her my mother's wrongs with regard to that part of her portion which has been withheld from her. She told me the motives and the reasons for her own conduct, and the terms on which she is willing to give up the whole, and to do more than we have asked. In short, I cannot write further upon this subject at present. Only assure my mother that all will go on well. And I have again observed, my dear friend, in this trifling affair that misunderstandings and neglect occasion more mischief in the world than even malice and wickedness. At all events, the two latter are of less frequent occurrence. In other respects, I am very well off here. Solitude in this terrestrial paradise is a genial balm to my mind, and the young spring cheers with its bounteous promises my oftentimes misgiving heart. Every tree, every bush is full of flowers, and one might wish himself transformed into a butterfly to float about in this ocean of perfume and find his whole existence in it. The town itself is disagreeable, but then, all around, you find an inexpressible beauty of nature. This induced a late Count M. to lay out a garden on one of the sloping hills which here intersect each other with the most charming variety, and form the most lovely valleys. The garden is simple, and it is easy to perceive, even upon your first entrance, that the plan was not designed by a scientific gardener, but by a man who wished to give himself up here to the enjoyment of his own sensitive heart. Many a tear I have already shed to the memory of its departed master in a summer house which is now reduced to ruins, but was his favorite resort and now is mine. I shall soon be the master of the place. The gardener has become attached to me within the last few days, and he will lose nothing thereby. May 10. A wonderful serenity has taken possession of my entire soul, like these sweet mornings of spring which I enjoy with my whole heart. I am alone, and feel the charm of existence in this spot which was created for the bliss of souls like mine. I am so happy, my dear friend, so absorbed in the exquisite sense of mere tranquil existence. I have neglected my talents. I should be incapable of drawing a single stroke at the present moment, and yet I feel that I never was a greater artist than now, when, while the lovely valley teems with vapor around me, and the meridian sun strikes the upper surface of the impenetrable foliage of my trees, and but a few stray gleams steal into the inter-sanctuary. I throw myself down along the tall grass by the trickling stream, and as I lie close upon the earth, a thousand unknown plants are unnoticed by me. When I hear the buzz of the little world among the stalks, and grow familiar with the countless indescribable forms of insects and flies, then I feel the presence of the Almighty, who formed us in his own image, and the breadth of the universal love which bears and sustains us, as it floats around us in an eternity of bliss. And then, my friend, when darkness overspreads my eyes, and heaven and earth seem to dwell in my soul and absorb its power, like the form of a beloved mistress, then I often think with longing, oh, would I could describe these conceptions, could impress upon paper all that is living so full and warm within me, and that might be the mirror of my soul, as my soul is the mirror of the infinite God, oh, my friend, but it is too much for my strength. I sink under the weight of the splendor of these visions. May 12. I know not whether some deceitful spirits haunt this spot, or whether it be the warm celestial fancy in my own heart which makes everything around me seem like paradise. In front of the house is a fountain, a fountain to which I am bound by a charm like Melusina and her sisters. Descending a great slope, you come to an arch, where, some twenty steps down lower, water from the clear crystal gushes from the marble rock, the narrow wall which encloses it above, the tall trees which encircle the spot, and the coolness of the place itself. Everything imprints a pleasant but sublime impression. Not a day passes on which I do not spend an hour here. The young maidens come from the town to fetch water, innocent and necessary employment, and formerly the occupation of the daughters of kings. As I take my rest there, the idea of the old patriarchal life is awakened around me. I see them, our old ancestors, how they form their friendships and contracted alliances at the fountainside, and I feel how fountains and streams were guarded by beneficial spirits. He who is a stranger to these sensations has never really enjoyed a cool repose at the side of a fountain after the fatigue of a weary summer day. May 13. You ask if you shall send me books. My dear friend, I beseech you for the love of God. Relieve me from such a yoke. I need no more to be guided, agitated, heated. My heart ferments sufficiently of itself. I want strains to lull me, and I find them to perfection in my Homer. Often do I strive to ally the burning fever of my blood, and you have never witnessed anything so unsteady, so uncertain as my heart. But need I confess this to you, my dear friend, who have so often endured the anguish of witnessing my sudden transitions from sorrow to immoderate joy, and from sweet melancholy to violent passions? I treat my poor heart like a sick child, and gratify its every fancy. Do not mention this again. There are people who would censure me for it. May 15. The common people of the place know me already, and love me, particularly the children. At first I associated with them, and inquired in a friendly tone about their various trifles. Some fancied that I wished to riddle-kill them and turn from me in exceeding ill-humour. I did not allow that circumstance to grieve me. I only felt most keenly that what I have often observed. Persons who can claim a certain rank keep themselves coldly aloof from the common people, as though they fear to lose their importance by the contact, who whilst wanton idlers and such are prone to bad joking affect to descend to their level, only to make the poor people feel their impertence all the more keenly. I know very well that we are not all equal, nor can we be so, but it is my opinion that he who avoids the common people, in order not to lose their respect, is as much to blame as a coward who hides himself from his enemy because he fears defeat. The other day I went to the fountain and found a young servant-girl who had set her picture on the lowest step and looked about her to see if her companions were approaching to place it on her head. I ran down and looked at her. Shall I help you, pretty lass? I asked. She blushed deeply. Oh, sir! she exclaimed. No ceremony, I replied. She adjusted her headgear and I helped her. She thanked me and ascended the steps. May 17. I have made all sorts of acquaintances, but as of yet, found no society. I know not what attraction I possess for the people, so many of them like me, and attach themselves to me, and then I feel sorry when the road we pursue together goes only a short distance. If you inquire what the people are like here, I must answer. The same as everywhere. The human race is but a monotonous affair. Most of them labor the great part of their lifetime for mere subsistence, and the scanty portion of freedom which remains to them so troubles them that they use every exertion to get rid of it. Oh, the destiny of man. But they are right, good sort of people. If I occasionally forget myself and take part in the innocent pleasures which are not yet forbidden to the peasantry, and enjoy myself, for instance, with a genuine freedom and sincerity, round a well-covered table, or arrange an excursion, or a happy dance, opportunity, and so forth, all this produces a good effect upon my disposition. Only I must forget that there lie dormant within me so many other qualities, which molder uselessly, which I am obliged to carefully conceal. Ah, this thought affects my spirits fearfully, and yet to be misunderstood is the fate of the like of us. Alas, that the friend of my youth is gone. Alas, that I ever knew her. I might say to myself, you are a dreamer to seek what is not to be found here below. But she has been mine. I have possessed that heart, that noble soul, in whose presence I seem to be more than I really was, because I was all that I could be. Good heavens, did then a single power of my soul remain unexercised? In her presence could I not display, to its full extent, that mysterious feeling with which my heart embraces nature? Was not our intercourse a perpetual web of the finest emotions, of the keenest wit, the varieties of which, even in their very eccentricity, bore the stamps of genius? Alas, the few years by which she was my senior brought her to the grave before me. Never can I forget her firm mind, or her heavenly patience. A few days ago, I met a certain young V, a frank, open fellow, with a most pleasing continence. He has just left the university, was not deep himself otherwise, but believes he knows more than other people. He has worked hard, as I can perceive many circumstances, and, in short, possesses a large stock of information. When he heard that I am drawing a good deal, and that I know Greek, two wonderful things for this part of the country, he came to me, and displayed his whole store of learning, from Batou to Wood, from Depali to Winkleman. He had read through the first part of Sultra's theory, and also possessed a manuscript of Hain's work, on the study of the antique. I allowed it all to pass. I have become acquaint, also, with a very worthy person, the district judge, a frank and open-hearted man. I am told it is a most delightful thing to see him in the midst of his children, of whom he has nine. His eldest daughter especially is highly spoken of. He has invited me to go and see him, and I intend to do so on the first opportunity. He lives at one of the royal hunting lodges, which can be reached from here in an hour and a half by walking, and which he obtained leave to inhabit after the loss of his wife, as it was so painful to him to reside in town, and at the court. There have also come, in my way, a few other originals of a questionable sort, who are in all respects undesirable, and most intolerable in their demonstration of friendship. Goodbye. This letter will please you. It is quite historical. May 22. That the life of man is but a dream, many a man has surmised here too for, and I, too, am everywhere pursued by this feeling. When I consider the narrow limits within which our active and inquiring faculties are confined, when I see how all our energies are wasted in providing for the mere necessities, which again have no further end than to prolong a wretched existence, and then that all our satisfactions concerning certain subjects of investigation ends in nothing better than passive resignation, whilst we assume ourselves painting our prison walls with bright figures and brilliant landscapes. When I consider all of this, Wilhelm, I am silent. I examine my own being, and find there a world, but a world rather of imagination and dim desires than of distinctiveness and living power. Then everything swims before my senses, and I smile and dream while pursuing my way through the world. All learned professors and doctors are agreed that children do not comprehend the cause of their desires, but that grown-ups should wander about this earth like children without knowing whence they come or whether they go, influenced as little by fixed motives, but guided like them by biscuits, sugar plums, and the rod. This is what no one is willing to acknowledge, and yet I think it is palatable. I know what you will say in reply, for I am ready to admit that they are the happiest who, like children, amuse themselves in their playthings, dress and undress their dolls, and attentively watch the cupboard where mama has locked up the sweet things, and when at last they get a delicious morsel, eat it greedily, and exclaim more. These are happy people, but others also are objects of envy who dignify their paltry employments and sometimes even their passions with pompous titles representing them to mankind as gigantic achievements performed in their welfare and glory. But the man who humbly acknowledges the vanity of all this, who observes with what pleasure the thriving citizens converts his little garden into a paradise, and how patiently even the poor man pursues his weary way under his burden, and how all wish equally to behold the light of the sun a little bit longer. Yes, such a man is at peace and creates his own world within himself, and he is also happy because he is a man. And then, however limited his sphere, he still perseveres in his bosom the sweet feeling of liberty and knows that he can quit his prison whenever he likes. May 26. You know of old my ways of settling anywhere, of selecting a little cottage in some cozy spot, and of putting up in it with every inconvenience. Here too I have discovered such a snug comfortable place which possesses peculiar charms for me. About a leak from the town is a place called Walheim. The reader need not take the trouble to look for the place, thus designated. We have found it necessary to change the names given in the original. It is delightfully situated on the side of a hill and by proceeding along one of the footpaths which leads out to the village you can have a view of the whole valley. A good old woman lives there who keeps a small inn. She sells wine, beer and coffee and is cheerful and pleasant notwithstanding her age. The chief charm of this spot consists of two lidden trees spreading their enormous branches over the little green before the church which is entirely surrounded by peasant cottages, barns and homesteads. I have seldom seen a place so retired and peaceful and there often have my table and chair brought out from the little inn and drink my coffee there and read my Homer. Accident brought me to the spot one fine afternoon and I found it perfectly deserted. Everybody was in the fields except a little boy about four years of age who was sitting on the ground and held between his knees a child about six months old. He pressed it to his bosom with both arms which thus formed a sort of armchair and notwithstanding the liveliness which sparkled in the black eyes it remained perfectly still. The sight charmed me. I sat upon a plow opposite and sketched with great delight this little picture of brotherly tenderness. I added the neighboring hedge, the barn door and some broken cartwheels just as they happened to lie and I found in about an hour that I had made a very correct and interesting drawing without putting in the slightest thing of my own. This confirmed me in my resolution of adhering for the future entirely to nature. She alone is inexhaustible and capable of forming the greatest masters. Much may be alleged in favor of rules as much may be likewise advanced in favor of the laws of society. An artist formed upon them will never produce anything absolutely batter-disgusting as a man who observes the laws and obeys decorum can never be an absolutely intolerable neighbor nor a decided villain. But yet, say what you will of rules they destroy the genuine feeling of nature as well as its true expression. Do not tell me that this is too hard that the only restraint improves your perfilous branches, etc. My good friend, I will illustrate this by an analogy. These things resemble love. A warm-hearted youth becomes strongly attached to a maiden. He spends every hour of the day in her company, wears out his health and lavishes his fortune to afford continual proof that he is wholly devoted to her. Then comes a man of the world, a man of place and respectability and addresses him thus. My good young friend, love is natural but you must love within bounds. Divide your time, devote a portion to business and give the hours of recreation to your mistress. Calculate your fortune and out of this super fluidity you may make her a present, only, not too often, on her birthday and such occasions. Pursuing this advice, he may become a useful member of society and I should advise every prince to give him an appointment. But it is all up with his love and with his genius if he be an artist. Oh my friend, why is it that the torrent of genius so seldom burst forth, so seldom rolls in full flowing stream overwhelming or astounded soul? Because on either side of the stream cold and respectable persons have taken up their abodes and forsooth their summer houses and tulip beds would suffer from the torrent before they dig trenches and raise embarkments be times in order to avert the impending danger. May 27th I find I have fallen into raptures, declamation and similes and have forgotten in consequence to tell you what became of the children. Absorbed in my artistic contemplations which I briefly described in my letter of yesterday I continued sitting on the plow for two hours. Toward evening a young woman with a basket on her arm came running toward the children who had not moved all that time. She exclaimed from a distance you are a good boy Philip. She gave me a greeting I returned it, rose and approached her. I inquired if she were the mother of these pretty children. Yes she said and giving the eldest a piece of bread she took the little one in her arms with a mother's tenderness. I left my child in Philip's care she said whilst I went to town with my eldest boy to buy some wheat and bread some sugar and an earthen pot. I saw the various articles in the basket from which the cover had fallen. I shall make some broth tonight for my little Hans which was the name of the youngest. That wild fellow, the big one broke my pot yesterday whilst he was scrambling with Philip for his contents. I inquired for the eldest and she bad scarcely time to tell me that he was driving a couple of geese home from the meadow when he ran up and handed Philip an oiser twig. I talked a little longer with the woman and found that she was the daughter of a school master and that her husband was gone on a journey to Switzerland for some money a relation had left him. They wanted to cheat him she said so he had to go there himself. I hope he has met with no accident as I have heard nothing of him since his departure. I left the woman with regret giving each one of the children a cruiser with an additional one for the youngest to buy some wheat and bread for his broth when she go to town next and so we departed. I assure you, my dear friend when my thoughts are all in atonement the sight of such a creature as this tranquilizes my disturbed mind she moves in a happy thoughtlessness within the confined circle of her existence she supplies her once from day to day and when she sees the leaves fall they raise no other idea in her mind than that winter is approaching. Since that time I have gone out there frequently the children have become quite familiar to me and each get a lump of sugar when I drink my coffee and they share my milk and bread and butter in the evening. I perceive their cruiser on Sundays for the good woman has orders to give it to them when I do not go there after evening service. They are quite at home with me, tell me everything. I am particularly amused with observing their tempers and the simplicity of their behavior when some of the other village children are assembled with them. It has given me a great deal of trouble to satisfy the anxiety of mother lest, as she says they should inconvenience the gentleman. May the 30th What I have lately set of painting is equally true with respect to poetry. It is only necessary for us to know what is really excellent and venture to give it expression and that is saying much in a few words. Today I have had a scene which, if literally related would make the most beautiful idol in the world. But why should I talk of poetry and scenes of idols? Can we never take pleasure in nature without having recourse to art? If you expect anything grand or magnificent from this introduction you will be sadly mistaken. It relates merely to a peasant lad who is excited in me the warmest interest. As usual, I shall tell my story badly and you as usual will think me extravagant. It is Walheim once more, always Walheim, which produces these wonderful phenomena. A party had assembled outside the house under the Lydden trees to drink coffee. The company did not exactly please me and under one pretext or another I lingered behind. A peasant came from the adjoining house and set to work arranging some part of the same plow which I had lately sketched. His appearance pleased me and I spoke to him, inquired about his circumstances, made his acquaintance and, as my want with persons of that class had soon admitted into his confidence. He said he was in the service of a young widow who set great store by him. He spoke so much of the mistress and praised her so extravagantly that I could soon see he was desperately in love with her. She is no longer young, he said and she was treated so badly by her former husband that she does not mean to marry again. From his account it was so evident what incomparable charms she possessed for him and how ardently he wished she would select him to extinguish the recollection of her first husband's misconduct that I should have to repeat his own words in order to describe the depth of the poor fellow's attachment, truth and devotion. It would, in fact, require the gifts of a great poet to convey the expression of his features, the harmony of his voice and the heavenly fire of his eyes. No words can portray the tenderness of his every movement and of every feature. No effort of mine could do justice to that scene. His alarm lest I should misconceive his position with regards to his mistress or question the propriety of her conduct, touched me particularly, the charming manner with which he described her form and person, which, without possessing the graces of youth, won and attracted him to her. It is inexpressible and must be left to the imagination. I have never, in my life, witnessed or fancy or conceived the possibility of such intense devotion, such ardent affections united with so much purity. Do not blame me if I say that the recollection of this innocence and truth is deeply impressed upon my very soul, that this picture of fidelity and tenderness haunts me everywhere and that my own heart, as though encendled by the flame, glows and burns within me. I mean now to try and see her as soon as I can, or perhaps on second thoughts, I had better not. It is better that I should behold her through the eyes of her lover. To my sight, perhaps, she would not appear as she now stands before me and why should I destroy so sweet a picture? End of Section 1 of the Sorrows of Young Verta Section 2 of the Sorrows of Young Verta This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org The Sorrows of Young Verta by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe as read by Rob de Lorenzo in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Section 2 June 16 Why do I not write to you? You lay claim to learning and ask such a question. You should have guessed that I am well. In a word, I have made an acquaintance who has won my heart. I have. I know not. To give you a regular account of the manner in which I have become acquainted with the most amiable women would be a difficult task. I am a happy and contented mortal but a poor historian. An angel! Nonsense! Everybody so describes his mistress and yet I find it impossible to tell you how perfect she is or why she is so perfect. Suffice it to say she has captivated all of my senses. So much simplicity with so much understanding. So mild and yet so resolute. A mind so placid and a life so active. But all this is ugly Balderdash which expresses not a single character or feature. Some other time but no, not some other time. Now, this very instant, I can tell you all about it. Now or never. Well, between ourselves since I commenced my letter I have been three times on the point of throwing down my pen of ordering my horse and of riding out and yet I have vowed this morning that I would not ride today and yet every moment I am rushing to the window to see how high the sun is. I could not restrain myself. Go to her I must. I have just returned Wilhelm taking supper. I will write to you. What a delight it was for my soul to see her in the midst of her dear, beautiful children. Eight brothers and sisters. But if I proceed thus you will be no wiser at the end of my letter than you were at the beginning. Attend then. I will compel myself to give you the details. I mentioned to you the other day that I have become acquainted with S, the district judge, and that he invited me to go and visit him in his retirement or rather in his little kingdom. But I neglected going and perhaps should have never gone if chance had not discovered to me the treasure which lay concealed in that retired spot. Some of our young people have proposed giving a ball in the country at which I consented to be present. I offered my hand for the evening to a pretty and agreeable but rather commonplace sort of girl from the immediate neighborhood and agreed that I should engage a carriage and call upon Charlotte with my partner and her aunt to convey them to the ball. My companion informed me as we drove along through the park to the hunting lodge that should I make the acquaintance of a very charming young lady take care, the aunt said that you do not lose your heart. Why, said I? Because she is already engaged to a very worthy man, she replied that she wanted to settle his affairs upon the death of his father and will succeed to a very considerable inheritance. This information possessed no interest for me. When we arrived at the gate the sun was setting behind the tops of the mountains. The atmosphere was heavy and the ladies expressed their fears of an approaching storm as masses of low black clouds were gathering on the horizon. I relieved their anxieties by pretending to be weather wise and some apprehensions lest our pleasures should be interrupted. I alighted and the maid came to the door and requested us to wait a moment for her mistress. I walked across the court to a well-built house and ascending the flight of steps in the front opened the door and saw before me the most charming spectacle I have ever witnessed. Six children, from eleven to two years old were running about the hall and surrounding a young lady of middle height with a lovely figure dressed in a robe of simple white trimmed with pink ribbons. She was holding a rye loaf in her hand and was cutting slices for the little ones around her in proportion to their age and appetite. She performed her task in a graceful and affectionate manner. Each claimant awaited for his turn with outstretched hands and boisterously shouted his thanks. Some of them ran away at once to enjoy their evening meal whilst others, of a gentler disposition, retired to the courtyard to see the strangers and to survey the carriage in which Charlotte was to drive away. Pray forgive me for giving you the trouble to come for me and for keeping the ladies waiting but dressing and arranging some household duties before I leave had made me forget my children's supper and they do not like to take it from anyone but me. I uttered some indifferent compliment. By the whole my soul was absorbed by her air, her voice, her manner and I had scarcely recovered myself when she ran into the room to fetch her gloves and fan. The young ones, through an inquiring glance at me from a distance willst I approach the youngest and most delicious little creature. He drew back and Charlotte, entering at that very moment said, Louis, shake hands with your cousin. The little fellow obeyed willingly and I could not resist giving him a hearty kiss, notwithstanding his rather dirty face. Cousin said I to Charlotte as I handed her down. Do you think I deserve the happiness of being related to you? She replied with a ready smile. Oh, I have such a number of cousins that I should be sorry if you were the most undeserving of them. In taking leave she desired her next sister, Sophie, a girl of about eleven years old to take great care of the children and to say goodbye to Papa for her when he came home from his ride. She enjoined the little ones to obey their sister Sophie as they would herself upon which some promised that they would but a little fair-haired girl of about six years old looked discontented and said but Sophie is not you, Charlotte and we like you best. The two eldest boys had clamored up to the carriage and, at last, she permitted them to accompany us a little way through the forest upon their promising to sit very still and hold fast. We were hardly seated and the ladies had scarcely exchanged compliments making the usual remarks upon each other's dress and upon their company they expected to meet when Charlotte stopped in the carriage and made her brothers get down. They insisted upon kissing her hands once more which the eldest did with all the tenderness of a youth of fifteen but the other in a lighter and more careless manner. She desired them again to give her love to the children and we drove off. The aunt inquired of Charlotte whether she had finished the book that she had last sent. No, says Charlotte, I did not like it you can have it again and the one before that was not much better. I was surprised upon asking the title to hear that it was we feel obliged to suppress the passage in the letter to prevent anyone from feeling aggravated although no author need pay much attention to the opinion of a mere girl or that of an unsteady young man. I found penetration in character in everything she said. Every expression seemed to brighten her features with new charms with new rays of genius which unfolded by degrees as she felt herself understood. When I was younger she said I love nothing so much as romances nothing could equal my delight and on some holiday I could settle down quietly in a corner and enter my whole heart and soul into the joys or sorrows of some fictitious Lenora. I do not deny that they possess some charms from me yet but I read so seldom that I prefer books suited exactly to my taste and I like those authors best whose scenes describe my own situation in life and the friends who are about me whose stories touch me with interest from resembling my own homely existence which without being absolutely paradise is on the whole a source of indescribable happiness. I endeavored to conceal the emotions which these words occasioned but it was of slight avail for when she had expressed so truly her opinion of the vicar of Wakefield and of other works the names of which I omit though the names were omitted yet the authors mentioned deserve Charlotte's approbation and will feel it in their hearts when they read this passage it concerns no other person I could no longer contain myself but gave full utterance to what I thought of it and it was not until Charlotte had addressed herself to the two other ladies that I remembered their presence and observed them sitting mute with astonishment the ant looked at me several times with an air of raily which of course I did not mind at all we talked of the pleasures of dancing if it is a fault to love it said Charlotte I am ready to confess that I prize it above all other amusements if anything disturbs me I go to the piano play an air to which I have danced and all goes right again directly you who know me can fancy how steadfastly I gazed upon her rich dark eyes during these remarks how my very soul gloated over her warm lips and fresh glowing cheeks how I became quite lost in the delightful meaning of her words so much so that I scarcely heard the actual expressions in short I alighted from the carriage like a person in a dream and was so lost in the dim world around me that I scarcely heard the music which resonated from the illuminated ballroom the two messieurs Adrian and a certain NN I cannot trouble myself with the names who were the ants and Charlotte's partners believed us at the carriage door and took possession of their ladies we all stifled with mine we commenced with a minuet I let out one lady after another and precisely those who were of the most disagreeable could not bring themselves to leave off Charlotte and her partner began an English country dance and you must imagine my delight when it was their turn to dance the figure with us you should see Charlotte dance she dances with her whole heart and soul her figure is all harmony elegance and grace as if she were conscious of nothing else and had no other thought or feeling and doubtless for the moment every other sensation is extinct she was engaged for the second country dance but promised me the third and assured me with the most agreeable freedom that she was very fond of waltzing it is a custom here she said for the previous partners to waltz together my partner is an indifferent waltzer and I will feel delighted if I save him the trouble your partner is not allowed to waltz and indeed is equally incapable but I observed during the country dance that you waltz well so if you will waltz with me I beg you would propose it to my partner and I will propose it to yours we agreed and it was arranged that our partners should mutually entertain each other we set off we first delighted ourselves with the usual graceful motions of the arms with what grace with what ease she moved when the waltz commenced and the dancers whirled around each other in a giddy maze there was some confusion owing to the incapacity of some of the dancers we judiciously remained still allowing the others to weary themselves and when the awkward dancers had withdrawn we joined in and kept it up famously together Andrewian and his partner never did I dance more lightly I felt myself more than immortal holding this loveliest of creatures in my arms flying with her as rapidly as the wind till I lost sight of every other object and oh willhelm I vow at that moment that that maiden whom I loved or for whom I felt the slightest attachment never never should waltz with anyone else but me if I had to perdition for it you will understand this we took a few turns in the room to recover our breath charlotte sat down and felt refreshed by partaking of some oranges which I had secured the only ones that had been left but at every slice which from politeness she offered to her neighbors I felt as though a dagger went through my heart we were the second couple in the third country dance as we were going down and heaven knows what ecstasy I gazed at her arms and eyes beaming with the sweetest feeling of pure and genuine enjoyment we passed a lady whom I had noticed for her charming expression of countenance although she was no longer young she looked at charlotte with a smile then holding up her finger in a threatening attitude repeated twice in a very significant tone the voice of the name albert who is albert? I said to charlotte if it is not impertinent to ask she was about to answer when we were obliged to separate in order to execute a figure in the dance and as we crossed over again in front of the other I perceived she looked somewhat pensive why need I conceal it from you? she said as she gave me her hand for the promenade albert is a worthy man to whom I am engaged now there was nothing new to me in this for the girls had told me of it on the way but it was so far new that I had not thought of it in connection in so short a time I had learned a prize so highly enough I became confused got out in the figure and occasioned general confusion so that it required all charlotte's presence of mind to set me right by pulling and pushing me into my proper place the dance was not yet finished when the lightning which had for some time been seen in the horizon and which I had asserted to proceed entirely from heat to violence and the thunder was heard above the music when any distress or terror surprises us in the midst of our amusements it naturally makes a deeper impression than at other times either because the contrast makes us more keenly susceptible or rather because our senses are more open to the impressions and the shock is consequently stronger to this cause I must ascribe the fright and the shrieks of the ladies one sat down in a corner with her back to the window and held her fingers to her ears a second now down before her and hit her face in her lap a third threw herself between them and embraced her sister with a thousand tears some insisted on going home others unconscious of their actions wanted sufficient presence of mind to repress the impertinence of the young partners who sought to direct themselves to those sighs which the lips of our agitated beauties intended for heaven some of the gentlemen had gone downstairs to smoke a quiet cigar and the rest of the company gladly embraced the happy suggestion of the hostess to retire to another room which was provided with shutters and curtains we had hardly got there when Charlotte placed the chairs in a circle and when the company had sat down in compliance with her request she forewith proposed a round game I noticed some of the company prepare their mouths and draw themselves up at the prospect of some agreeable forfeit let us play at counting she said now pay attention I shall go round the circle from right to left and each person is to count one after the other the number that comes to him and must count fast whoever stops or mistakes is to have a box on the ear and so on until we have counted a thousand it was so delightful to see the fun she went round the circle with an upraised arm one said the first two said the second three said the third and so on until Charlotte went faster and faster one made a mistake instantly a box on the ear and amid the laughter that ensued came another box and so on faster and faster I myself came in for two I fancied that they were harder than the rest and felt quite delighted a general laughter and confusion came long before we had counted as far as a thousand the party broke up into little separate knots the storm had ceased and I followed Charlotte into the ballroom on the way she said they gain banished their fears of the storm I could make no reply I myself, she continued was as much frightened as any of them but by effecting courage to keep up the spirits of others I forgot my own apprehensions we went to the window it was still thundering at a distance a soft rain pouring down over the country and filled the air around us with delicious odours Charlotte leaned forward on her arm her eyes wandering over the scene she raised them to the sky and then turned them upon me they were moistened with tears she placed her hand on mine and said club stock at once I remembered the magnificent od which was in her thoughts I felt depressed with the weight of my sensations and sank under them it was more than I could bear I bent over her hand kissed it in a stream of delicious tears and again looked up to her eyes divine club stock why didn't thou not see thy apothesis in those eyes and thy name so often profaned with that I never heard it repeated June 19 I no longer remember where I stopped in my narrative I only know that it was too in the morning when I went to bed and if you had been with me that I might have talked instead of writing to you I should in all probability have kept you up until daylight I think I have not yet related what happened as we rode home from the ball nor have I had the time to tell you now it was that most magnificent sunrise the whole country rust refreshed the main drops fell drop by drop from the trees in the forest our companions were asleep Charlotte asked me if I did not wish to sleep also and begged of me not to make any ceremony on her account looking steadfastly at her I answered as long as I see those eyes open there is no fear of my falling asleep we both continued awake until we reached her door and it softly and assured her in answer to her inquiries that her father and the children were well and still sleeping I left her asking permission to visit her in the course of the day she consented and I went and since that time sun, moon and stars may pursue their course I know not whether it is by night or by day the whole world is nothing to me June 21st my days are as happy as those reserved by God for his elect and whatever be my fate hereafter I can never say that I have not tasted joy the purest joy of life you know, Walheim I am now completely settled there in that spot I am only half a league from Charlotte and there I enjoy myself and taste all the pleasure which can fall on the lot of man little did I imagine when I selected Walheim for my pedestrian excursions that all heaven lay so near it how often in my wanderings from the hillside or from the meadows across the river have I beheld this hunting lodge which now contains within it all the joys of my heart I have often my dear Wilhelm reflected on the eagerness men feel to wander and to make new discoveries and upon that secret impulse which afterward inclines them to return to their narrow circle conform to the laws of custom and embarrass themselves no longer with what passes around them it is so strange how when I first came here and gazed upon that lovely valley from the hillside I felt charmed with the entire scene surrounding me the little wood opposite how delightful to sit under its shade how fine the view from that point of rock and then that delightful chain of hills and the exquisite valley at their feet could I but wander and lose myself among them I went and returned without finding what I wished distance my friend is like futurity I dim vastness is spread before our souls the perceptions of our mind are so obscure as those of our vision and we desire earnestly to surrender upon our whole being that it may be filled with the complete and perfect bliss of one glorious emotion but alas when we have attained our object when the distance there becomes the present here all is changed we are as poor and circumscribed as ever and our souls still languish for unattainable happiness so does the restless traveler pant for his native soil find in his own cottage in the arms of his wife in the affections of his children and in the labor necessary for their support that happiness which he has sought in vain through the whole wide world when in the morning at sunrise I go out to walheim and with my own hands gather in the garden the peas which are to serve for my dinner when I sit down to shell them and read my Homer during the intervals and then selecting a saucepan from the kitchen fetch my own butter put my mess on the fire covered up and sit down and stir it as occasion requires I figure to myself the illustrious suitors of Penelope killing dressing and preparing their own oxen and swine nothing fills me with a more pure and genuine sense of happiness than those traits of patriarchal life which, thank heaven imitate without affectation happy it, indeed for me my heart is capable of feeling the same simple and innocent pleasure as the peasant whose table is covered with food of his own rearing and who not only enjoys his meal but remembers with delight the happy days and sunny mornings when he planted it the soft evenings he watered it and the pleasure he experienced in watching its daily growth June 29 the day before yesterday the physician came in from town to pay a visit to the judge he found me on the floor playing with Charlotte's children some of them were scrambling over me and others romping with me and, as I caught and tickled them they made a great noise the doctor is a formal sort of personage he had just the plates of his ruffles and continually settles his frill wilts tea is talking to you and he thought my conduct beneath the dignity of a sensible man I could perceive this by his continence but I did not suffer myself to be disturbed I allowed him to continue his wise conversation wilts tea rebuilt the children's cart house for them as fast as they threw them down he went about the town afterwards complaining that the judge's children were spoiled enough before but now verta was completely ruining them yes my dear Wilhelm nothing on this earth affects my heart when I look on at their doings when I mark in the little creatures the seeds of all those virtues and qualities which they will one day find so indispensable when I behold in the obstinate all the future firmness and constancy of a noble character in the capricious that levity and gaiety of temper which will carry them lightly over the dangers and troubles of life their whole nature simple and unpolluted then I called to mind golden words of the great teacher mankind unless he become like one of these and now my friend these children who are our equals whom we ought to consider as our models we treat them as though they are our subjects they are allowed no will of their own and we then none ourselves whence comes our exclusive right is it because we are older we are more experienced great god from the height of thy heaven thou beholdest great children and little children and no others and thy son has long since declared which afford the greatest pleasure but they believe in him and hear him not that too is an old story and they train their children after their own image and of section 2 of the Soros of Young Verta section 3 of the Soros of Young Verta this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org the Soros of Young Verta by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe has read by Rob de Lorenzo in Toronto, Ontario, Canada section 3 section 3 July 1st the consolation Charlotte can bring to an invalid I experience from my own heart which suffers more from her absence than many a poor creature lingering on a bed of sickness she is gone to spend a few days in town with a very worthy woman who is given over by the physicians and wishes to have Charlotte near her in her last moments I accompanied her last week on a visit to the Vicar of S a small village in the mountains about a leak hence we arrived around 4 o'clock Charlotte had taken her little sister with her when we entered the vicarage court we found a good old man sitting on a bench before the door under the shade of two large walnut trees at the sight of Charlotte he seemed to gain new life rose, forgot his stick and ventured to walk toward her she ran to him and made him sit down again then placing herself by his side she gave him a number of messages from her father and then caught up as young as child a dirty ugly little thing the joy of his old age and kissed it I wish you could have witnessed her attention to this old man how she raised her voice on account of his deafness how she told him of healthy young people who had been carried off when it was least expected praised the virtues of Carl's bad and commended his determination to spend the ensuing summer there and assured him that he looked better and stronger than he did when she saw him last I, in the meantime paid attention to his good lady the old man seemed quite in spirits and as I could not help admiring the beauty of the walnut trees which formed such an agreeable shade over our head he began with some little difficulty to tell us of their history as to the oldest he said we do not know who planted it some say one clergyman some say another but the younger one here behind us is exactly the age of my wife 50 years old next October her father planted it in the morning and in the evening she came into the world my wife's father was my predecessor here I will tell you how fond he was of that tree and it is fully as dear to me under the shade of that very tree upon a log of wood my wife was seated knitting when I, a poor student came into this court for the first time just 7 and 20 years ago Charlotte inquired for his daughter he said she was gone with Air Schmidt to the meadows and was with the haymakers the old man resumed this story he told us of how his predecessor had taken a fancy to him as had his daughter likewise and how he had become first his curate and subsequently his successor he had scarcely finished his story when his daughter returned through the garden accompanied by the above mentioned Air Schmidt she welcomed Charlotte affectionately and I confess I was taken by her appearance she was a lively looking good human brunette quite competent to amuse one in the country her lover, for such Air Schmidt evidently appeared to be was a polite reserved personage and would not join our conversation notwithstanding all of Charlotte's endeavours to draw him out I was much annoyed at observing by his countenance that his silence did not arise from want of talent but from caprice and ill humor this subsequently became very evident when we set out for our walk to join Charlotte with whom I was talking the worthy gentleman's face which was naturally somber became so dark and angry that Charlotte was obliged to touch my arm and remind me that I was talking too much to Federica nothing distresses me more than to see men torment each other particularly when in the flower of their age in the very season of their pleasure they waste the few short days of sunshine and quarrels and disputes and only perceive their error when it is too late to repair it this dwelt upon my mind and in the evening when we returned to the vikars and were sitting round the table with our bread and milk the conversation turned on the joys and sorrows of the world I could not resist the temptation to invade bitterly against ill humor we are apt said I to complain but with very little cause in the last several days are many if our hearts were always disposed to receive the benefits heaven sends us we should acquire strength to support evil when it comes but we cannot always command our tempers so much depends upon the constitution when the body suffers the mind is also ill at ease I acknowledged that I continued but we must consider such a disposition in the light of a disease and inquire whether there is no remedy for it I should be glad to hear one said charlotte at least I think very much depends upon ourselves I know it is so with me when anything annoys me and disturbs my temper I hasten into the garden hum a couple of country dances and it is all right with me directly that is what I meant I replied ill humor resembles indolence it is natural to us that we have the courage to exert ourselves we find our work run fresh from our hands and we experience in the activity from which we shrink a real enjoyment for we could listen very attentively and the young men objected that we were not masters of ourselves and still less of our feelings the question is about a disagreeable feeling I added from which everyone would willingly escape but none know their power without trial invalids are glad to consult physicians and submit to the most groupless regime the most nauseous medicines in order to recover their health I observed that the good old man inclined his head and exerted himself to hear our discourse so I raised my voice and addressed myself directly to him we preach against the great many crimes I observed but I never remember a sermon delivered against ill humor that may do very well for your town clergyman he said country people are never ill humored though indeed it might be useful occasionally to my wife for instance and to the judge we all laughed as did he likewise very cordially till he fell into a fit of coughing which interrupted our conversation for a time Air Schmidt resumed the subject you call ill humor a crime he remarked not at all I replied if that deserves a name which is so pernicious to ourselves and our neighbors is it not enough that we want the power to make one another happy must we deprive each other of the pleasure which we can all make for ourselves show me the man who has the courage to hide his ill humor who bears the whole burden himself without disturbing the peace of those around him no this is from an inward consciousness from our own want of merit from a discontent whichever accompanies that envy which foolish vanity engenders we see people happy whom we have not made so and cannot endure the sight Charlotte looked at me with a smile she observed the emotion which I spoke and a tear in the eye of Frederica stimulated me to proceed unto those I said who use their power over a human heart to destroy the simple pleasures it would naturally enjoy all the favors all the attentions in the world cannot compensate for the loss of that happiness which a cruel tyranny has destroyed my heart was filled as I spoke a recollection of many things which had happened pressed upon my mind and filled my eyes with tears we should daily repeat to ourselves I exclaimed that we should not interfere with our friends unless to leave them in possession of their own joys and increase their happiness by sharing it with them but when their souls are tormented by a violent passion or their hearts rent with grief is it in your power to afford them the slightest consolation and when the last fatal thing whose untimely grave you have prepared when she lies languid and exhausted before you her dim eyes raised to heaven and a damp of death upon her pallid brow there you stand at her bedside like a condemned criminal with a bitter feeling that your whole fortune could not save her and the agonizing thought rings you that all your efforts are powerless to impart a moment's strength to the departed soul or to quicken her with a transitory consolation at these words the remembrance of a similar scene at which I had been once present fell upon me with full force I buried my face in my handkerchief and hastened from the room and only was recalled to my recollection by Charlotte's voice whom reminded me that it was time to return home with what tenderness she chided me on the way for the too eager interest I took in everything she declared it would do me injury and that I ought to spare myself yes angel I will do so for your sake July 6th she is still with her dying friend and is still the same bright beautiful creature whose presence softens pain and sheds happiness around whichever way she turns she went out of town yesterday with her little sisters I knew it and went to meet them and we walked together in about an hour and a half we returned to the town we stopped at the spring I am so fond of and which is now a thousand times dear to me than ever I looked around and recalled the time when my heart was unoccupied and free dear fountain I said since that time I have no more come enjoy cool repose by thy fresh stream I have passed thee with careless steps and scarcely bestowed a glance upon thee I looked down and observed Charlotte's little sister, Jane coming up the steps of the glass of water I turned toward Charlotte and I felt her influence over me Jane at that moment approached with the glass her sister, Marianne wished to take it from her No! cried the child with the sweetest expression of face Charlotte must drink first the affection and the simplicity with which this was uttered so charmed me that I sought to express my feelings by catching up the child and kissing her heartily she was frightened and began to cry you should not do that said Charlotte I felt her plexed come Jane she continued taking your hand and leading her down to the steps again it is no matter wash yourself quickly in the fresh water I stood and watched them and when I saw the little deer rubbing her cheeks with her wet hands in full belief that all the impurities contracted by my ugly beard would be washed off by the miraculous water and how though Charlotte said it would do she continued still to wash with all her might as though she thought too much were better than too little I assure you well Helm never attended a baptism with greater reverence and when Charlotte came up from the well I could have prostated myself as before the prophet of an eastern nation in the evening I would not resist telling the story to a person who I thought possessed some natural feeling because he was a man of understanding but what a mistake I made he maintained it was very wrong of Charlotte that we should not deceive children that such things occasion countless mistakes and superstitions from which we were bound to protect the young it occurred to me then that this man had been baptized only the week before so I said nothing further but maintained the justice of my own convictions we should deal with children as God deals with us we are the happiest under the influence of innocent delusions July 8th what a child is a man that he should be so solicitous about a look what a child is a man what a child is a man we had been to Walheim the ladies went in a carriage but during our walk I thought I saw Charlotte's dark eyes I am a fool but forgive me you should see them, those eyes however, to be brief for my eyes are weighted down with sleep you must know when the ladies stepped into their carriage again young W. Slenstad Adrian and I were standing about the door where a merry set of fellows and they were all laughing and joking together I watched Charlotte's eyes they wandered from one to the other but they did not light upon me on me who stood there motionless and who saw nothing but her my heart bait her a thousand times a day but she noticed me not the carriage drove off and my eyes filled with tears I looked after her suddenly I saw Charlotte's bonnet leaning out of the window and she turned to look back was it at me my dear friend I know not and in this uncertainty I find consolation perhaps she turned to look at me perhaps good night what a child I am July 10 you should see how foolish I look in company when her name is mentioned particularly when I am asked plainly how I like her how I like her I detest that phrase what sort of a creature he must be who merely liked Charlotte whose whole heart and senses were not entirely absorbed by her like her? someone asked me lately how I liked Ossian July 11 Madam M is still very ill I pray for her recovery I see her occasionally at my friend's house and today she told me the strangest circumstance old M is a covetous miserly fellow who had long worried and annoyed the poor lady sadly but she had borne her afflictions patiently a few days ago when the physician informed us that her recovery was hopeless she sent for her husband Charlotte was present and addressed him thus I have something to confess which after my disease may occasion trouble and confusion I have hitted to conducted your household as frugally and as economically as possible but you must pardon me for having defrauded you for 30 years at the commencement of our married life you allowed a small sum for the wants of the kitchen and other household expenses when our establishment increased and our property grew larger I could not persuade you to increase the weekly allowance and proportion in short, you know that when our wants are greatest you required me to supply everything with seven florins a week I took the money from you without an observation but made up the weekly deficiency from the money chest as nobody would suspect your wife of robbing the household bank but I have wasted nothing and should have been content to meet my eternal judge without this confession if she upon whom the management of your establishment will devolve after my disease would be free from the embarrassment upon your insisting that the allowance made to me your former wife was sufficient I talked to Charlotte of the inconceivable manner which men allow themselves to be blinded how any one could avoid suspecting some deception when seven florins were only allowed to defray expenses twice as great but I have myself known people who believed without any visible astonishment that their house possessed the prophets never failing crews of oil July 13th no, I am not deceived in her dark eyes I read a genuine interest in me and in my fortunes yes, I feel it and I may believe my own heart which tells me dare I say it? it comes to the divine words that she loves me that she loves me how the idea exalts me in my own eyes and as you can understand my feelings I may say to you how I honour myself since she loves me is this presumption or is this consciousness of the truth I do not know a man able to supplant me in the heart of Charlotte and when she speaks of her betroth so much warmth and affection I feel like the soldier who has been stripped of his honours and titles deprived of his sword July 16th how my heart beats by accident I touched her finger or my feet meet hers under the table I draw back as if from a furnace but a secret force impals me forward again and my senses become disordered her innocent, unconscious heart never knows what agony these little familiarity inflict upon me sometimes when we are talking she lays her hand upon mine and in the eagerness of conversation comes closer to me and her balmy breath reaches my lips when I feel as if lightning has struck me and that I could sink into the earth and yet Wilhelm with all this heavily confidence if I know myself and should ever dare you understand me no, no, my heart is not corrupt it is weak weak enough but is not that a degree of corruption she is to me a sacred being all passion is still in her presence I cannot express my sensations when I am near her I feel as if my soul beat in every nerve of my body there is a melody which she plays on the piano with angelic skill so simple it is and yet so spiritual in her favorite air and when she plays the first note all pain, care and sorrow disappear from me in a moment I believe every word that is said of the magic of the ancient music how her simple song enchants me sometimes when I am ready to commit suicide she sings that air and instantly the gloom and madness which hung over me are dispersed and I can breathe freely again July 18 Wilhelm what is the world to our hearts without love what is a magic lantern without light you have but to kindle the flame within and the brightest figures shine on the white wall and if love only shows us fleeting shadows we are yet happy when, like mere children we behold them and are transported with splendid phantoms I have not been able to see Charlotte today I was prevented by company from which I could not disengage myself what was to be done I sent my servant to her house that I might at least see somebody today near her oh the impatience with which I wait for his return the joy which I welcome him I should certainly have caught him in my arms and kissed him if I had not been ashamed it is said that the Bonestone, when placed in the sun attracts the rays and for a time appears luminous in the dark so it was with me and this servant the idea that Charlotte's eyes dwelt upon his continents his cheek is very apparel and dear them all inestimably to me so that at that moment I would not have parted him for a thousand crowns his presence made me so happy beware of laughing at me Wilhelm can that be a delusion which makes us happy July 19th I shall see her today I exclaimed with delight when I rise in the morning and look out with gladness of heart at the bright beautiful sun I shall see her today and then I have no further wish to form all all is included in that one thought July 20th I cannot ascend to your proposal that I should accompany the ambassador to Link I do not love subordination and we all know that he is a rough disagreeable person to be connected with you say my mother wishes me to be employed how could I not help laughing at that am I not sufficiently employed and is it not in reality the same whether I shall peas or count lentils the world runs from one folly to another and the man who solely from the regard to the opinion of others and without any wish or necessity of his own toils after gold honor or any other phantom is no better than a fool July 24 you insist so much on my not neglecting my drawing that it would have been as well for me to say nothing as to confess how little I have done lately I have never felt happier I never understood nature better even down to the various stem or the smallest plate of grass and yet I am unable to express myself my powers of execution are just so weak everything seems to swim and flow before me so that I cannot make a clear bold outline but I fancy I should succeed better if I had some clay or wax to model I shall try if this state of mind continues much longer and will take to modeling if I only need dough I have commenced Charlotte's portrait three times and have often disgraced myself this is the more knowing as I was formally very happy in taking likenesses I have since sketched a profile and must content myself with that July 25 yes dear Charlotte I will order and arrange everything only give me more commissions to more the better one thing however I must request use no more writing sand with the dear notes you send me today I raised your letter hastily to my lips and it set my teeth on edge July 26 I have often determined not to see her so frequently but who could keep such a resolution every day I am exposed to the temptation and the promise faithfully that tomorrow I will really stay away but when tomorrow comes I find some irrestitutable reason for seeing her and before I can account for it I am with her again either she has said on the previous evening you will be sure to call tomorrow and who could stay away then or she gives me some commission and I find it essential to take her the answer in person or the day is fine and I walk to Walheim and when I am there it is only half a leak farther to her I am within the charmed atmosphere and soon find myself at her side my grandmother used to tell us of a story of a mountain of lodestone when any vessels came near it they were instantly deprived of their ironwork the nails flew to the mountain and the unhappy crew perished amidst the disjointed planks July 30 Albert is arrived and I must take my departure were he the best and noblest of men and I in every respect his inferior I could not endure to see him in possession of such a perfect being possession enough Wilhelm her betrothed is here a fine worthy fellow whom one cannot help liking fortunately I was not present at their meeting it would have broken my heart and he is so considerate he has not given Charlotte one kiss in my presence heaven reward him for it I must love him for the respect with which he treats her he shows a regard for me but for this I suspect that I am indebted to Charlotte than to his own fancy for me women have a delicate tact in such manners and it should be so they cannot always succeed in keeping two rivals on terms with each other but when they do they are the only gainers I cannot help esteeming Albert the coolness of his temper can track strongly with the impenetruosity of mine which I cannot conceal he has a great deal of feeling and is fully sensible of the treasure he possesses in Charlotte he is free from ill humor which you know is the fault I detest most he regards me as a man of sense in my attachment to Charlotte and the interest I take in all that concerns her augments his triumph and his love I shall not inquire whether he may not at times tease her with some little jealousies as I know that where I am his place I should not be entirely free from such sensations but be that as it may my pleasure with Charlotte is over in the early infatuation what signifies a name a thing speaks for itself before Albert came I knew all that I know now I knew that I could make no pretentions to her nor did I offer any that is as far as it was possible in the presence of so much loveliness not the pant for its enjoyment and now behold me like a silly fellow staring with astonishment when another comes in and deprives me of my love I bite my lips and I feel infinite scorn for those who tell me to be resigned because there is no help for it let me escape from the yoke of such silliness I ramble through the woods and when I return to Charlotte and find Albert sitting by her side in the summer house in the garden I am unable to bear it behave like a fool and commit a thousand extravagancies for heaven's sake said Charlotte today let us have no more scenes like the one of last night you terrify me when you are so violent between ourselves I am always away when he visits her and I feel delighted when I find her alone end of section 3 of the Soros of Young Verta section 4 of the Soros of Young Verta this is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org the Soros of Young Verta by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe has read by Rob de Lorenzo in Toronto, Ontario, Canada section 4 August 8 believe me, dear Wilhelm I did not allude to you when I spoke so severely of those who advise resignation to inevitable fate I did not think it possible for you to indulge such a sentiment but in fact you are right I only suggest one objection in this world one is seldom reduced to make a selection between two alternatives there are as many varieties of conduct and opinion as there are turns of feature between aquiline nose and a flat one you will therefore permit me to concede your entire argument and yet contrive means to escape your dilemma your position is this I hear you say either you have hopes of obtaining Charlotte or you have none well in the first case pursue your course and press on to the fulfillment of your wishes in the second and shake off a miserable passion which will enervate and destroy you my dear friend this is well and easily said but would you require a wretched being whose life is slowly wasting under a lingering disease to dispatch himself once by a stroke of a dagger does not the very disorder which consumes his strength deprive him of the courage to effect his deliverance you may answer me if you please with a similar analogy who would not prefer the amputation of an arm to the peril of life by doubt and procrastination but I know not if I am right and let us leave these comparisons enough there are moments well Helm when I could rise up and shake it all off and when if I only knew where to go I could fly from this place the same evening my diary which I have for some time neglected came before me today and I am amazed to see how deliberately I entangled myself step by step to have seen my position so clearly and yet to have acted like such a child even still I behold the result plainly and yet have no thought of acting with greater prudence August 10 if I were not a fool I could spend the happiest and most delightful life here so many agreeable circumstances and of a kind to ensure a worthy man's happiness are seldom united alas I feel it too sensibly the heart alone makes our happiness to be admitted into this most charming family to be loved by the father as a son and by the children as a father and by Charlotte then the noble Albert who never disturbs my happiness by any appearance of ill humor receiving me with the heartiest affection and loving me next to Charlotte better than all in the world Wilhelm you would be delighted to hear us in our rambles and conversations about Charlotte nothing in the world can be more absurd than our connection and yet the thought of it often moves me to tears he tells me sometimes of her excellent mother how upon her death bed she had committed her house and children all to Charlotte and had given Charlotte herself in charge to him how since that time a new spirit had taken possession of her how in care and anxiety for their welfare she became a real mother to them how every moment of her life was devoted to some labor of love in their behalf and yet her mirth and surefulness have never forsaken her I walk by his side pluck flowers by the way arrange them carefully into a nose gay and fling them into the first stream I pass and watch them as they float gently by I forget whether I told you that Albert is to remain here he has received a government appointment and with a very good salary and I understand he is in high favor at court I have met few persons so punctual and methodical in business August 12 certainly Albert is the best fellow in the world I had a strange scene with him yesterday I went to take leave of him for I took it into my head to spend a few days in these mountains from where I now write to you as I was walking up and down his room my eye fell upon his pistols lend me those pistols I said for my journey by all means he replied if you will take the trouble to load them for they only hang there for form I took one of them down and he continued ever since I was near suffering from my extreme caution I will have nothing to do with such things I was curious to hear the story I was staying he said I was at my friend's house in the country I had a brace of pistols with me unloaded and I slept without anxiety one rainy afternoon I was sitting by myself doing nothing when it occurred to me that I do not know how that house might be attacked that we might require the pistols that we might in short you know how we go on fancying when we have nothing better to do I gave the pistols to the servant he was playing with the maid and trying to frighten her when the pistol went off God knows how the ramrod was in the barrel and it went straight through her right hand and shattered the thumb I had to endure all the lamentation and to pay the surgeons bill so since that time I have kept all of my weapons unloaded but my dear friend what is the use of prudence we can never be on our guard against all possible dangers however now you must know I can tolerate all men until they come into however for it is self evident that every universal rule must have its exceptions but he is so exceedingly accurate that if he only fancies he has said a word too precipitate or too general or only half true he never ceases to qualify or to modify till at last he appears to have nothing at all upon this occasion Albert was deeply immersed in his subject I ceased to listen to him and became lost in revere with a sudden motion I pointed the mouth of the pistol to my forehead over the right eye what do you mean? cried Albert turning back the pistol it is not loaded I said and even if not he answered with impatience what can you mean? I cannot comprehend how a man can be so mad as to shoot himself and the bare idea of it shocks me but why should anyone I said in speaking of an action venture to pronounce it mad or wise or good or bad what is the meaning of all of this? have you carefully studied the secret motives of our actions? do you understand? can you explain the causes which occasioned them and make them inevitable? if you can be less hasty with your decision but you will allow said Albert that some actions are criminal let them spring from whatever motives they may I granted it and shrugged my shoulders but still my good friend I continued there are some exceptions here too theft is a crime but the man who commits it from extreme poverty with no design but to save his family from perishing the object of pity or that of punishment who shall throw the first stone at a husband who in the heat of just resentment sacrifices his faithless wife and her perfidious seducer or at the young maiden who in her weak hour of rapture forgets herself in the impetuous joy of love even our laws cold and cruel as they are relent in such cases and withhold their punishment that is quite another thing said Albert because a man under the influence of violent passion loses all of his power of reflection and is regarded as intoxicated or insane oh you people of sound understandings I said smiling are ever ready to exclaim extravagance and madness and intoxication you moral men are so calm and so subdued you abhor the drunken men and attest the extravagant you pass by like the Levite and thank God like the Pharisee that you are not like one of them I have been more than once intoxicated my passions have always bordered on extravagance and I am not ashamed to confess it or I have learned from my own experience that all extraordinary men who have accomplished great and astonishing actions have ever been decried by the world as drunken or insane and in private life too is it not intolerable that no one can undertake the execution of a noble or generous deed without giving rise to the exclamation that the doer is intoxicated or mad shame upon you this is another of your extravagant humours said Albert you always exaggerate a case and in this matter you are undoubtedly wrong for we are speaking of suicide which you compare with great actions when it is impossible to regard it as anything but a weakness it is much easier to die than to bear a life of misery with fortitude I was on the point of breaking off the conversation for nothing puts me so completely out of patience as the utterance of a wretched commonplace when I am talking for my inmost heart however I composed myself for I had often heard the same observation with sufficient vexation and I answered him therefore with a little warmth you call this a weakness beware of being led astray by appearances when a nation which has long grown under its intolerable yoke of a tyrant rises at last and throws off its chains do you call that a weakness the man who falls from the flames finds his physical strength redoubled so that he lives burdens with ease which in the absence of excitement he could scarcely move he who under the rage of an insult attacks and puts to flight half of the score of his enemies are such persons to be called weak my good friend if resistance be strength how can the slightest degree of resistance be a weakness Albert looks dead fastly at me and said pray forgive me but I do not see that the examples that you have adduced bear any relation to the question very likely I answered for I have often been told that my style of illustration board is a little on the absurd but let us see if we cannot place the matter in another point of view by inquiring what can be a man's state of mind who resolves to free himself from the burdens of life a burden often so pleasant to bear for we cannot otherwise reason fairly upon the subject human nature I continued has its limits is able to endure a certain degree of joy sorrow and pain but becomes annihilated as soon as this measure is exceeded the question therefore is not whether a man is strong or weak but whether he is able to endure the measure of his sufferings the suffering may be moral or physical and in my opinion it is just as absurd to call a man a coward who destroys himself as to call a man a coward who dies of a malignant fever paradox all paradox exclaimed Albert not so paradoxical as you imagine I replied you allow that we designate a disease as mortal when nature is so severely attacked and her strength so far exhausted that she cannot possibly recover from her former condition under any change that may take place now my good friend apply this to the mind observe a man in his natural isolated condition consider how ideas work and how impressions fasten upon him till at length a violent passion seizes him destroying all his powers of calm reflection and utterly ruining him it is in vain that a man of sound mind and cool temper understands the condition of such a wretched being in vain he counsels him he can no more communicate his own wisdom to him than a healthy man can instill his strength into an invalid by whose bedside he is seated Albert thought this too general I reminded him of a girl who had drowned herself a short time previously and I related her history she was a good creature who had grown up in the narrow sphere of household industry and weakly appointed labor one who knew no pleasure beyond indulging in a walk on Sundays a raid in her best attire accompanied by her friends or perhaps joined in the dance now and then at some festival and chattered away her spare hours with a neighbor discussing the scandal or the quarrels of the village trifles sufficient to occupy her heart at length the warmth of her nature is influenced by certain new and unknown wishes inflamed by the flatteries of men her former pleasures became by degrees insipid until at length she meets with a youth to whom she is attracted by an indescribable feeling upon him she now rests all of her hopes she forgets the world around her she sees, hears and desires nothing but him only him he alone occupies all of her thoughts uncorrupted by the idle indulgence of an invigorating vanity her affection moving steadily toward its object she hopes to become his and to realize in an everlasting union with him all that happiness which she sought all that bliss for which she longed his repeated promises confirm her hopes embraces and endearments which increase the ardor of her desire overmaster her soul she floats in a dim delusive anticipation of her happiness and her feelings become excited to their utmost tension she stretches out her arms finally to embrace the object of all her wishes and her lover forsakes her stunned and bewildered she stands upon a precipice all this darkness around her no prospect no hope no consolation forsaken by him and whom her existence was centered she sees nothing of the wide world before her thinks nothing of the many individuals who might supply the void in her heart she feels herself deserted forsaken by the world and agony which rings her soul she plunges into the deep the end of her suffering in the broad embraces of death see here Albert the history of thousands and tell me is this not a case of physical infirmity nature has no way to escape from the labyrinth her powers are exhausted she can contend no longer and the poor soul must die shame upon him who can look on calmly and exclaim the foolish girl she should have waited she should have allowed time to wear off the impression her despair would have been softened and she would have found another lover to comfort her one might as well say the fool to die of a fever why did he not wait till his strength was restored till his blood became calm all would then have gone well and he would still be alive now Albert who could not see the justice of the comparison offered some further objections and amongst others urged that I had taken the case of a mere ignorant girl but how any man of sense of more enlarging views and experience could be excused he was unable to comprehend my friend I exclaimed man is but man and whatever be the extent of his reasoning powers they are of little avail when passion rages within and he feels himself confined by the narrow limits of nature it were better then but we will talk of this some other time I said and caught up my hat alas my heart was full and we parted without conviction on either side how rarely in this world do men understand each other August 15 there can be no doubt that in this world nothing is so indispensable as love I observed that Charlotte could not lose me without a pang and the very children have but one wish that is that I should visit them again tomorrow I went this afternoon to tune Charlotte's piano but I could not do it for the little ones insisted on my telling them a story and Charlotte herself urged me to satisfy them I waited upon them at tea they are now as fully contented with me as with Charlotte and I had told them my very best tale of the princess who was waited upon by dwarfs I improved myself by this exercise and I'm quite surprised at the impression my stories create if I sometimes invent an incident which I forget upon my next narration they remind one directly that the story was different before so that I now endeavor to relate with exactness the same anecdote in the same monotonous tone which never changes I find by this how much an author injures his work by altering them even though they are improved in a poetic point of view the first impression is readily received we are so constituted that we believe the most incredible things and once they are engraved upon memory woe to him who would endeavor to erase them August 18 must it ever be thus that the source of our happiness must also be the fountain of our misery the full and ardent sentiment which animated my heart with the love of nature overwhelming me with a torrent of delight and which brought all the paradise before me has now become an insupportable torment a demon which perpetually pursues and harasses me when in days gone by I gazed from these rocks upon yonder mountains across the river and upon the green flowery valley before me and saw all the nature budding and bursting around the hills clothed from foot to peak with tall thick forest trees the valleys and all their varied windings shaded with the loveliest woods and the soft river gliding all amongst the lisping reeds mirroring the beautiful clouds which the same evening breeze rafted across the sky when I heard the girls about me melodists with the music of birds and saw the million swarms of insects dancing in the last golden beams of the sun whose setting rays awoke the humming beetles from their grassy beads whist the subdued torment around directed my attention to the ground and I there observed the arid rock compelled nutrient to the dry moss whilst the heath flourished upon the barren sand below me all this displayed to me the inner warmth which animates all nature and filled and glowed within my heart I felt myself exalted by this overflowing fullness to the perception of the Godhead and the glorious forms of the infinite universe became visible to my soul stupendous mountains encompassed me abysses yawned at my feet and cataracts fell headlong down before me impetus rivers flowed through the plain and rocks and mountains resounded from afar in the depths of the earth I saw innumerable powers in motion and multiplying to infinity whilst upon the surface and beneath the heavens ten thousand varieties of living creatures everything around is alive with an infinite number of forms while mankind fly for security for their petty houses from the shelter of which they rule in their imaginations over the wide extended universe poor fool in whose pity, estimation all the things are little from the inaccessible mountains across the desert which no mortal foot has trod far as the confines of the unknown ocean breathes the spirit of the eternal creator and every atom to which he has given existence finds favor in his sight how often at the time has the flight of a bird soaring above my head inspired me with the desire of being transported to the shores of the immeasurable waters there took off the pleasures of life from the foaming goblet of the infinite and to partake if but for a moment even with the confined powers of my soul the beatitude of the creator who accomplishes all things in himself and through himself my dear friend the bear recollection of these hours still consoles me even this effort to recall those ineffable sensations and give them utterance from above and makes me doubly feel the intensity of my present anguish it is as if a curtain had been drawn from before my eyes and instead of the prospects of eternal life the abyss of an ever open grave yawned before me can we say of anything that it exists when all passes away when time, with the speed of a storm carries all things onward and our transitory existence hurried along by the torrent is either swallowed up by the waves or dashed against the rocks there is not a moment but praise upon you and upon all around you not a moment in which you do not yourself become the destroyer the most innocent walk the prives of life, thousands of poor insects one step destroys the fabric of the industrious ant and converts that little world into chaos no it is not the great and rare calamities of the world, the floods which sweep away whole villages the earthquakes which swallow up our towns that affects me my heart is wasted by the thought of that destructive power which lies concealed in every part of universal nature nature has formed nothing that does not consume itself and every object near it so that, surrounded by earth and air, and all the destructive powers I wander on my way with an aching heart and the universe is to me a fearful monster forever devouring its own offspring August 21st In vain do I stretch all my arms toward her when I awaken in the morning for my weary slumbers In vain do I seek for her at night in my bed when some innocent dream pierced me and placed her near me in the fields when I have seized her hand and covered it with countless kisses and when I feel for her in the half confusion of sleep with the happy sense that she is near tears flow from my oppressed heart and bearfit of all comfort I weep for my future woes August 22nd What a misfortune, Wilhelm My active spirits have degenerated into contended indolence I cannot be idle and yet I am unable to set to work I cannot think I have no longer any feeling for the beauties of nature and books are distasteful to me Once we give up ourselves we are totally lost Many a time and oft I have wished that were a common laborer that, awakening in the morning I might have but one prospect one pursuit one hope for the day which has dawned I often envy Albert when I see him buried in the heaps of paper and parchment and I fancy I should be happy were I in his place Often impressed with this feeling I have been on the point of writing to you and to the minister for the appointment at the embassy which you think I might obtain I believe I might procure it The minister has long shown a regard for me and has frequently urged me to seek employment It is the business of an hour only Now and then the fable of the horse recurs to me weary of liberty he suffered himself to be saddled and bridled and was ridden to death for his pains I know not what to determine upon for it is not this anxiety for change the consequence of that restless spirit which would pursue me equally in every situation of life August 28 If my ills would admit of any cure they would certainly be cured here This is my birthday and early in the morning I received a packet from Albert Upon opening it I found one of the pink ribbons which Charlotte wore in her dress the first time I saw her and several times asked for her to give me With it were two volumes of Wetztein's Homer a book I had often wished for to save me the inconvenience of carrying the large Ernstein's edition with me upon my walks You see how they anticipate my wishes how well they understand all those little tensions of friendship so superior to the costly presence of the great which are so humiliating I kissed a ribbon a thousand times and in every breath inhaled the remembrance of those happy and irrevocable days which filled me with the keenest joy Such will helm is our fate I do not murmur at it the flowers of life are but visionary how many pass away and leave no trace behind how few yield any fruit and the fruit itself how rarely does it ripen and yet there are flowers enough and is it not strange my friend that we should suffer the little that does ripen to rot, decay and perish unenjoyed farewell this is a glorious summer I often climb into the trees in Charlotte's orchard and shake down the pairs that hang in the highest branches she stands below and catches them as they fall on August 30th unhappy being that I am why do I thus deceive myself what is to come of all this wild aimless and less passion I cannot pray except to her my imagination sees nothing but her all surrounding objects are of no account except as they relate to her in a dreamy state I enjoy many happy hours till at length I feel compelled to tear myself away from her ah Wilhelm to what does not my heart often compel me when I have spent several hours in her company till I feel completely absorbed by her figure her grace the divine expression of her thoughts my mind becomes gradually excited to the highest excesses her dim my hearing confused my breathing oppressed as if by a hand of a murderer and my beating heart seeks to obtain relief from my aching senses I am sometimes unconscious whether I really exist if in such moments I find no sympathy and Charlotte does not allow me to enjoy the melancholy consolation of bathing her hand with my tears I feel compelled to tear myself from her when I either wander through the country lime some precipitous cliff or force a path through the trackless thicket where I am lacerated and torn by thorns and barriers and thence I find relief sometimes I lie stretched on the ground overcome with fatigue and dying with thirst sometimes late in the night I recline against an aged tree in some sequestered forest to rest every limbs when exhausted and worn I sleep till break of day oh willhelm the hermit's cell his sackcloth and girdle of thorns would be a luxury and an indulgence compared to what I suffer adieu I see no end to this wretchedness except the grave end of section four of the sorrows of young verta