 Those are medieval robots. Alvin and the Chipmunks, specifically the Saturday morning cartoon, was, in a word, a success. Eight seasons, seven years, impressive for a show of its sort. Practically doubling the original cast with the creation of the Chippets, this show was the turning point in Alvin's evolution from just a gimmicky novelty record to a full franchise. But what if I told you an episode, or rather a short animation, was aired only once on NBC via a broadcast signal intrusion? This film was simply known as Half Speed. I actually managed to dig up the VHS tape of the episode being recorded live, presumably to try and catch another broadcast. It was recorded in full, but had a few minor technical malfunctions, mostly from poor storage. For context, I work as a professional organizer, and I found the tape while helping an older couple clean out their attic. It was absolutely covered in dust and some sort of black mold looking substance that came right off when I wiped it with my hand. The man and woman said I could have the tape because they had no use for it, because, as you probably know already, literally no one uses VHS tapes anymore. And it wasn't a tape of a movie or anything like that, because it wasn't labeled. I took it home and broke out an old media player my mom had given to me, which I kept around due to my massive collection of VHS tapes and DVDs. I put the tape in, picked back, and saw what it had on it. I was curious, and I wasn't disappointed with what I found. It started off with an ad for Crystal Pepsi advertising a taste you've never seen before. This automatically dated the tape to 1992 to 1993, which was good to know from an archivist perspective, even if it wasn't really that important. I thought about trying to skip ahead, but decided against it as soon as I saw something almost melt through the blue haze of the ad like a black tar-like sludge. The broadcast started off with recording footage of someone walking around a trashed abandoned house that was littered with garbage all over the floor. You could hear heavy, almost labored breathing as the cameraman looked around in the darkness. Their hands were clad in black gloves that almost resembled a doctor's. They raked through the filth before seeming to find what they were looking for. A light is shown on two vinyl records, still in their sleeve. The album cover is that of Chipmunk Punk. The unknown cameraman then places the bottom disc on a record player before turning it on. A slow, sludgy guitar track began to play, which was attached in the original page. Then, after a fade transition, it cut to an animated clip of a man cast in black and blue, resembling a more humanoid Simon. He sits facing the audience, a small candle illuminating his face. He looks both left and right. Then we get a view of the other Chipmunks sitting at the table. There was Alvin, who slumped over in his chair. None of them even looked vaguely like Chipmunks at this point, instead more resembling people with pink noses and vaguely rodent-like ears. Alvin's skin was burnt, and his jaw seemed locked in an eternal scream. Smoldering ash could be seen laying across his body, like he was a recently snuffed candle. His cap covered most of his face, but you could tell he was already gone. The camera swung right, and I could see Theodore, or at least what was left of him. He was out of it too, even with more life than Alvin. He was in an almost ecstatic state, looking straight up, smiling. His eyes were completely white, as yet rolled into the back of his head or even possessed, if that makes sense. He suddenly fell forward with a loud thud, shaking the stark white table. The film cut back to Simon, visibly shaking and sobbing with his head in his hands. He was paranoid, borderline neurotic. He suddenly looked back up towards the viewer, before a pair of white pony hands cracked out of the darkness and appeared to snuff him too. There was a loud, almost deafening scream as it faded back to whatever was supposed to air at that time. I mean, it was probably the most metal-looking thing I ever seen, but why? Why would you air it on TV, especially a major channel? Just distribute the tapes like a civilized punk. I sat there, dumbfounded on my couch. I didn't really know how to feel about it. Soon I found myself humming a song I hadn't heard in ages. Color me a York color baby, color me a York car. Color me a York color darling, I know who you are. I sang quietly while doing dishes, mind completely blank. Call me, originally by Blondie, but covered by the chipmunks in 1980. The only difference was that I sang it at half speed.