 Chapter 8 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. The Queen's Croquet Ground A large rose tree stood near the entrance of the garden. The roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them. And just as she came up to them, she heard one of them say, Look out now, five! Don't go splashing paint over me like that. I couldn't help it, said five, in a sulky tone. Seven jogged my elbow. On which seven looked up and said, Let's write five, always lay the blame on others. You'd better not talk, said five. I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded. What for? said the one who had spoken first. It's none of your business, too, said seven. Yes, it is his business, said five. And I'll tell him it was for bringing the cooked tulip roots instead of onions. Seven, flying down his brush, and had just begun. Well, of all the unjust things! When his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood, watching him. And he checked himself suddenly. The others looked round also, and all of them bowed low. Would you tell me, said Alice, a little timidly. Why you are painting those roses? Five and seven said nothing but looked at two. Two began in a low voice. Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a red rose-bush. And we put a white one in by mistake. And if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best before she comes to... At this moment, five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out, The Queen! The Queen! And the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice looked round eagerly to see the Queen. First came ten soldiers carrying clubs. These were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners. Next, the ten courtiers. These were ornamented all over with diamonds and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After this came the royal children. There were ten of them, and the little deers came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples. They were all ornamented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly kings and queens, and among them Alice recognized the white rabbit. It was talking in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her. Then followed the nave of hearts, carrying the king's crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and last of all this grand possession came the king and queen of hearts. Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule of processions. And besides, what would be the use of a procession, thought she, if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it? So she stood still where she was, and waited. When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the queen said severely, Who is this? She said it to the nave of hearts, who only bowed and smiled in reply. Idiot! said the queen, tossing her head impatiently, and turning to Alice, she went on, What is your name, child? My name is Alice, so please your majesty. said Alice, very politely. But she added to herself, Why, there only a pack of cards after all. I needn't be afraid of them. And who are these? said the queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree. For you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the patterns on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children. How should I know? said Alice, surprised at her own courage, it's no business of mine. The queen turned crimson with fury, and after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast screamed, Off with her head! off! Nonsense! said Alice very loudly and decisively, and the queen was silent. The king laid his hand upon her arm and timidly said, Consider, my dear, she's only a child. The queen turned angrily away from him and said to the nave, Turn them over! The nave did so very carefully with one foot. Get up! Nonsense! said the queen in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped up and began bowing to the king, the queen, the royal children, and everybody else. Leave off that! screamed the queen. You make me giddy! And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, What have you been doing here? May it please your majesty? said two in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke. We were trying. I see! said the queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. Off with the heads! And the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate gardeners who ran to Alice for protection. You shan't be beheaded! said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two looking for them, and then quietly marched off after the others. Are the heads off? shouted the queen. The heads are gone, if it please your majesty! the soldiers shouted in reply. That's right! shouted the queen. Can you play croaky? The soldiers were silent and looked at Alice as the question was evidently meant for her. Yes! shouted Alice. Come on then! roared the queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next. It's a very fine day! said a timid voice at her side. She was walking by the white rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face. Very, said Alice, Where's the duchess? Hush, hush! said the rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and whispered, She's under sentence of execution! What for? said Alice. Did you say what a pity? The rabbit asked. No, I didn't, said Alice. I don't think it's at all a pity. I said, What for? She boxed the queen's ears. The rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. Oh, hash! the rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. The queen will hear you. You see, she came rather late, and the queen said, Get to your places! shouted the queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other. However, they got settled down in a minute or two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious croquet-ground in her life. It was all ridges and furrows. The balls were live hedgehogs. The mallets live flamingos, and the soldiers had to double themselves up to stand on their hands and feet to make the arches. The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo. She succeeded in getting its body tucked away comfortably enough under her arm, with its legs hanging down. But generally, just that she had got its neck nicely straightened out and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head. It would twist itself round and look up in her face with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing. And when she had got its head down and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself and was in the act of crawling away. Besides all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog to and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed. The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while and fighting for the hedgehogs. And in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion and went stamping about and shouting, off with his head or off with her head. About once a minute, Alice began to feel very uneasy to be sure. She had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute and then, thought she, what would become of me? They dreadfully fond of beheading people here. The great wonder is that there's anyone left alive. She was looking about for some way of escape and wondering whether she could get away without being seen when she noticed a curious appearance in the air. It puzzled her very much at first, but after watching it a minute or two she made it out to be a grin and she said to herself, It's the Cheshire cat. Now I shall have somebody to talk to. How are you getting on? said the cat as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with. Alice waited till the eyes appeared and then nodded. It's no use speaking to it, she thought, till its ears have come or at least one of them. In another minute the whole head appeared and then Alice put down her flamingo and began an account of the game. Feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight and no more of it appeared. I don't think they play at all fairly, Alice began, in rather a complaining tone. And they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak and they don't seem to have any rules in particular. At least if there are nobody attends to them and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive, for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground. And I should have croaked the Queen's hedgehog just now only it ran away when it saw mine coming. How do you like the Queen? said the cat in a low voice. Not at all. said Alice. She's so extremely. Just then she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening. So she went on, likely to win. That's, it's hardly worth while finishing the game. The Queen smiled and passed on. Who are you talking to? said the King going up to Alice and looking at the cat's head with great curiosity. It's a friend of mine, a treasure cat, said Alice, allow me to introduce it. I don't like the look of it at all, said the King. However, it may kiss my hand if it likes. I'd rather not, the cat remarked. Don't be impertinent, said the King, and don't look at me like that. He got behind Alice as he spoke. A cat may look at a King, said Alice. I've read that in some book, but I don't remember where. Well, it must be removed, said the King very decidedly, and he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment. My dear, I wish you would have this cat removed. The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties great or small. Off with his head, she said, without even looking round. I'll fetch the executioner myself, said the King, eagerly, and he hurried off. Alice thought she might as well go back and see how the game was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or not, so she went in search of her hedgehog. The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croaking one of them with the other. The only difficulty was that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it drying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree. By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over and both the hedgehogs were out of sight. But it doesn't much matter, thought Alice, as all the archers had gone from this side of the ground, so she tucked it away under her arm that it might not escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend. When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a large crowd collected round it. There was a dispute going on between the executioner, the king and the queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent and looked very uncomfortable. The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle the question. And they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed to make out exactly what they said. The executioner's argument was that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to cut it from, that he had never had to do such a thing before and he wasn't going to begin at his time of life. The king's argument was that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. The queen's argument was that if something wasn't done about it at one time, she'd have everybody executed all round. It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so grave and anxious. Alice could think of nothing else to say, but it belongs to the duchies. You'd better ask her about it. She is in prison, the queen said to the executioner, Fetch her here. And the executioner went off like an arrow. The cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and by the time he had come back with the duchies, it had entirely disappeared. So the king and the executioner ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game. End of Chapter 8 Chapter 9 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. The Mock Turtle Story You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing, said the duchies, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and they walked off together. Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen. When I'm a duchess, she said to herself, not in a very hopeful tone though, I won't have any pepper in my kitchen at all. Soup does very well without. Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot tempered. She went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, and finica that makes them sour, and chamomile that makes them bitter, and barley sugar and such things that make children sweet tempered. I only wish people knew that. Then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know. She had quite forgotten the duchess by this time, and was a little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit. Perhaps it hasn't one, Alice ventured to remark. Tat, tat, child, said the duchess, everything's got a moral, if only you can find it. And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as she spoke. Alice did not much like keeping so close to her. First, because the duchess was very ugly. And secondly, because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder. And it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could. The game's going on rather better now, she said, by way of keeping up the conversation a little. Tis so, said the duchess, and the moral of that is, oh, tis love, tis love, that makes the world go round. Somebody said, Alice whispered, that it's done by everybody minding their own business. Ah, well, it means much the same thing, said the duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder, as she added, and the moral of that is, take care of the sins, and the sounds will take care of themselves. How fond she is of finding morals in things. Alice thought to herself, I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist. The duchess said after a pause, the reason is that I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment? He might bite. Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment tried. Very true, said the duchess. Flamingos and Mustard both bite, and the moral of that is, birds of a feather flock together. But only Mustard isn't a bird, Alice remarked. Right as usual, said the duchess. What a clear way you have of putting things. It's a mineral, I think, said Alice. Of course it is, said the duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said. There's a large Mustard mine near here, and the moral of that is, the more there is of mine, the less there is of yours. Oh, I know, exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark. It's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is. I quite agree with you, said the duchess, and the moral of that is, be what you would seem to be, or, if you'd like it put more simply, never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise. I think I should understand that better, Alice said very politely, if I had it written down. But I can't quite follow it as you say it. That's nothing to what I could say if I chose, the duchess replied, in a pleased tone. Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that, said Alice. Oh, don't talk about trouble, said the duchess. I make you a present of everything I've said as yet. A cheap sort of present, thought Alice. I'm glad they don't give birthday presents like that. But she did not venture to say it out loud. Think it again, the duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin. I've a right to think, said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried. Just about as much right, said the duchess, as pigs have to fly, and the moot. But here, to Alice's great surprise, the duchess's voice died away, even in the middle of her favourite word, moral, and the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the queen in front of them, with her arms folded frowning like a thunderstorm. Fine day, Your Majesty. The duchess began in a low, weak voice. Now, I give you fair warning, shouted the queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke. Either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time take your choice. The duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment. Let's go on with the game, the queen said to Alice. And Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the croquet ground. The other guests had taken advantage of the queen's absence, and were resting in the shade. However, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game. The queen merely remarked that a moment's delay would cost them their lives. All the time they were playing, the queen never left off quarrelling with the other players, and shouting, off with his head, or off with her head. Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave off being at arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players except the king, the queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution. Then the queen left off quite out of breath, and said to Alice, Have you seen the mock turtle yet? No, said Alice. I don't even know what a mock turtle is. It's the thing a mock turtle soup is made from, said the queen. I never saw one or heard of one, said Alice. Come on then, said the queen. And he shall tell you his history. As they walked off together, Alice heard the king say, in a low voice to the company generally, You are all pardoned. Come, that's a good thing, she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the queen had ordered. They very soon came upon a griffin, lying fast asleep in the sun. If you don't know what a griffin is, look at the picture. A lazy thing, said the queen, Take this young lady to see the mock turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered. And she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the griffin. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite to safe to stay with it as to go after the savage queen. So she waited. The griffin sat up and rubbed its eyes. Then it watched the queen till she was out of sight. Then it chuckled. What fun! said the griffin, half to itself, half to Alice. What is the fun? said Alice. Why is she? said the griffin. It's all her fancy that. They never execute nobody you know. Come on! Everybody says come on here, taught Alice as she went slowly after it. I never was so ordered about in all my life, never. They had not gone far before they saw the mock turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock. And as they came nearer Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitted him deeply. What is his sorrow? she asked the griffin. And the griffin answered very nearly in the same words as before. It's all his fancy that he hasn't got no sorrow you know. Come on! So they went on to the mock turtle, who looked them with large eyes full of tears but said nothing. This year young lady, said the griffin, she wants for to know your history should know. I'll tell it her, said the mock turtle in a deep hollow tone. Sit down both of you and don't speak a word till I've finished. So they sat down and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, I don't see how he can ever finish if he doesn't begin. But she waited patiently. Once, said the mock turtle at last with a deep sigh, I was a real turtle. These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an occasional exclamation of from the griffin and the constant heavy sobbing of the mock turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and saying, thank you sir for your interesting story. But she could not help thinking there must be more to come. So she sat still and said nothing. When we were little. The mock turtle went on at last, more calmly though still sobbing a little now and then. We went to school in the sea. The master was an old turtle. We used to call him tortoise. Why did you call him tortoise if he wasn't one? asked Alice. We called him tortoise because he tortoised. said the mock turtle angrily. Really, you are very dull. You will be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question. added the griffin. And then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the griffin said to the mock turtle, Drive on, old fellow, don't be all day about it. And he went on in these words. Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you may not believe it. I never said I didn't. interrupted Alice. You did. said the mock turtle. Hold your tongue. added the griffin. Before Alice could speak again, the mock turtle went on. We had the best of educations. In fact, we went to school every day. I've been to a day school too. said Alice. You needn't be so proud as all that. With extras. asked the mock turtle a little anxiously. Yes, said Alice. We learnt French and music. And washing. said the mock turtle. Certainly not. said Alice indignantly. Well, then yours wasn't a really good school. said the mock turtle in a tone of great relief. Now at hours they had at the end of the bill French music and washing extra. You couldn't have wanted it much. said Alice, living at the bottom of the sea. I couldn't afford to learn it. said the mock turtle with a sigh. I only took the regular course. What was that? inquired Alice. Wheeling and writing, of course, to begin with. the mock turtle replied. And then the different branches of arithmetic, ambition, distraction, aglification and derision. I never heard of aglification. Alice ventured to say. What is it? The griffon lifted up both its paws in surprise. What? Never heard of aglifying? it exclaimed. You know what a beautify is, I suppose. Yes, said Alice doubtfully. It means to make anything prettier. Well, then the griffon went on. If you don't know what aglify is, you are a simpleton. Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions. So she turned to the mock turtle and said, What else had you to learn? There was mystery. The mock turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers. Mystery, ancient and modern. With seeography, then drawing. The drawing master was an old congliel that used to come once a week. He taught us drawing, stretching and fainting in coils. What was that like? said Alice. Well, I can't show it to you myself. The mock turtle said, I'm too stiff and the griffon never learned it. And time, said the griffon. I went to the classics, master, though. He was an old crab, he was. I never went to him. The mock turtle said with a sigh. He taught laughing and grief, they used to say. So he did, so he did. Said the griffon, sighing in his turn. And both creatures hid their faces in their paws. And how many hours a day did you do lessons? Said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. Ten hours the first day, said the mock turtle. Nine the next, and so on. What a curious plan, exclaimed Alice. That's the reason they're called lessons, the griffon remarked. Because they lessen from day to day. This was quite a new idea to Alice. And she thought it over a little before she made her next remark. Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday. Of course it was, said the mock turtle. And how did you manage on the twelfth? Alice went on eagerly. That's enough about lessons. The griffon interrupted in a very decided tone. Tell something about the games now. End of chapter nine. CHAPTER TEN OF ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND By Louis Carroll, this is a Librivox recording. All Librivox recordings are in the public domain. The lobster quadril. The mock turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice. Same as if he had a bone in his throat, said the griffon, and it set to work shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the mock turtle recovered his voice, and with tears running down his cheeks, he went on again. You may not have lived much under the sea. I haven't, said Alice, and perhaps you would never even introduce to a lobster. Alice began to say, I once tasted, but checked herself hastily, and said, No, never. So you can have no idea what a delightful thing a lobster quadril is. No, indeed, said Alice. What sort of dance is it? Why, said the griffon, you first form into a loin along the seashore. Two lines, cried the mock turtle, seals, turtles, salmon, and so on, then when you cleared all the jellyfish out of the way. That generally takes some time, interrupted the griffon. You advanced twice. Each with a lobster as a partner, cried the griffon. Of course, the mock turtle said, advanced twice, set to partners, changed lobsters, and retire in same order, continued the griffon. Then you know, the mock turtle went on, you throw the lobsters, shouted the griffon with a bound into the air, as far out to sea as you can, swim after them, screamed the griffon, turn the somersault in the sea, cried the mock turtle, capering wildly about, change lobster's again, yelled the griffon at the top of its voice, back to land again, and that's all the first figure. Said the mock turtle, suddenly dropping his voice, and the two creatures who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat down again, very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice. It must be a very pretty dance. Said Alice timidly. Would you like to see a little of it? Said the mock turtle. Very much indeed. Said Alice. Come, let's try the first figure. Said the mock turtle to the griffon. We can do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing? Oh, you sing, said the griffon, I've forgotten the words. So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the mock turtle sang this very slowly and sadly. Will you walk a little faster? Said a whiting to a snail. There's a poor boy's close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance. They are waiting on the shingle. Would you come and join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? You can really have no notion how delightful it will be when they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea. But the snail replied, too far, too far, and gave a look, scans. Said he, thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. What matters is how far we go, his scaly friend replied. There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The further off from England, the nearer is to France. Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance? Thank you. It's a very interesting dance to watch. Said Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last. And I do so like the curious song about the whiting. Oh, as to the whiting, said the mock turtle. They, you've seen them, of course. Yes, said Alice. I've often seen them at din. She checked herself hastily. I don't know where din may be, said the mock turtle. But if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they like. I, I believe so, Alice replied thoughtfully. They have their tails in their mouths, and they're all over crumbs. You're wrong about the crumbs, said the mock turtle. Crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they have their tails in their mouths, and the reason is— Here. The mock turtle yawned and shut his eyes. Tell her about the reason and all that. He said to the griffin. The reason is, said the griffin, that they would go with the lobsters to the dance, so they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way, so they got their tails fast in their mouths, so they couldn't get them out again. That's all. Thank you, said Alice. It's very interesting. I never knew so much about whiting before. I can tell you more than that if you like," said the griffin. You know why it's called a whiting. I never thought about it, said Alice. Why? It does the boots and shoes. The griffin replied very solemnly. Alice was thoroughly puzzled. Does the boots and shoes? She repeated in a wondering tone. Why? What are your shoes done with? Said the griffin. I mean, what makes them so shiny? Alice looked down at them and considered a little before she gave her answer. They're done with blacking, I believe. Boots and shoes under their sea. The griffin went on in a deep voice, are done with a whiting. Now you know. And what are they made of? Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity. Souls and eels, of course. The griffin replied rather impatiently. Any shrimp could have told you that. If I'd been the whiting, said Alice, whose thoughts were still running on the song. I'd have said to the poor boys, keep back, please, we don't want you with us. They are obliged to have him with them. The mock turtle said, No wise fish would go anywhere without a poor boy's. Wouldn't it really? Said Alice in a tone of great surprise. Of course not, said the mock turtle. Why, if a fish came to me and told me he was going a journey, I should say with what purpose? Don't you mean purpose? Said Alice. I mean what I say. The mock turtle replied in an offended tone. And the griffin added, Come, let's hear some of your adventures. I could tell you my adventures beginning from this morning. Said Alice a little timidly. But it's no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then. Explain all that. Said the mock turtle. Oh no, the adventures first. Said the griffin in an impatient tone. Explanations take such a dreadful time. So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when she first saw the white rabbit. She was a little nervous about it just at first. The two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so very wide. But she gained courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet and she got to the part about her repeating, You are old, Father William, to the caterpillar. And the words all coming out different. And then the mock turtle drew a long breath and said, There, it's very curious. It's all about as curious as it can be. Said the griffin. It all came different. The mock turtle repeated thoughtfully. I should like to hear her try and repeat something now. Tell her to begin. He looked at the griffin as if he thought he'd had some kind of authority over Alice. Stand up and repeat. It is the voice of the slugard. Said the griffin. How the creatures order one about and make one repeat lessons. Thought Alice. I might as well be at school at once. However, she got up and began to repeat it. But her head was so full of the lobster quadril that she hardly knew what she was saying. And the words came very queer indeed. It is the voice of the lobster I heard him declare. You have baked me too brown. I must sugar my hair. As a duck with its eyelids so he with his nose trims his belt and his buttons and turns out his toes. When the sands are all dry he's gay as a lark talking contemptuous tones of the shark. But when the tide rises and the sharks are around his voice has a timid and tremulous sound. That's different from what I used to say when I was a child. Said the griffin. Well, I never heard it before. Said the mock turtle. But it sounds and common nonsense. Alice said nothing. She had sat down with her face in her hands wondering if anything would ever happen in a natural way again. I should like to have it explained. Said the mock turtle. She can't explain it. Said the griffin hastily. Go on with the next verse. But about his toes. The mock turtle persisted. How could he turn them out with his nose, you know? It's the first position in dancing. Alice said. She dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing and longed to change the subject. Go on with the next verse. The griffin repeated impatiently. It begins, I passed by his garden. Alice did not dare to disobey. Though she felt sure it would all come wrong and she went on in a trembling voice. I passed by his garden and marked with one eye how the owl and the panther were sharing a pie. The panther took pie crust and gravy and meat while the owl had the dish as its chair of the treat. When the pie was all finished the owl, as a boon, was kindly permitted to poke it the spoon. While the panther received knife and fork with a growl and concluded the banquet what is the use of repeating all that stuff? The mock turtle interrupted. If you don't explain it as you go on it's by far the most confusing thing I ever heard. Yes, I think you'd better leave off, said the griffin and Alice was only too glad to do so. Shall we try another figure of the lobster quadril? The griffin went on. Or would you like the mock turtle to sing you a song? Oh, a song, please, if the mock turtle would be so kind. Alice replied so eagerly that the griffin said in a rather offended tone, Hmm, no accounting for taste. Sing her turtle soup, will you old fellow? The mock turtle sighed deeply and began in a voice sometimes choked with sobs to sing this. Beautiful soup so rich and green waiting in a hot terrain who for such dainties would not stoop. Soup of the evening. Beautiful soup. Soup of the evening. Beautiful soup. Beautiful soup. Beautiful soup. Soup of the evening. Beautiful, beautiful soup. Beautiful soup who cares for fish, game or any other dish who would not give or else for two penny worth only of beautiful soup. Penny worth only of beautiful soup. Beautiful soup. Beautiful soup. Soup of the evening. Beautiful, beautiful soup. Chorus again, tried the griffin. And the mock turtle had just began to repeat it when a cry of The trial's beginning was heard in the distance. Come on, cried the griffin, and taken Alice by the hand, it hurried off without waiting for the end of the song. What trial is it? Alice panted as she ran. But the griffin only answered, Come on! and ran the faster, while more and more faintly came carried on the breeze that followed them the melancholy words. Soup of the evening. Beautiful, beautiful soup. End of chapter 10. Chapter 11 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. Who stole the tarts? The king and queen of hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them, all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards. The nave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him, and near the king was the white rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it. They looked so good that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them. I wish they'd get the trial done, she thought, and hand round the refreshments. But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her to pass away the time. Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. That's the judge, she said to herself, because of his great wig. The judge, by the way, was the king, and as he wore his crown over the wig, look at the front piece if you want to see how he did it. He did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming. And that's the jewellery box, thought Alice. And those twelve creatures, she was obliged to say creatures you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds. I suppose they are the jurors. She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it. For she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, jurymen would have done just as well. The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. What are they doing? Alice whispered to the griffin. They can't have anything to put down yet before the trials began. They're putting down their names. The griffin whispered in reply, for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial. Stupid things! Alice began in a loud, indignant voice. But she stopped hastily, for the white rabbit cried out, Silence in court! And the king put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round to make out who was talking. Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down stupid things on their slates. And she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell the stupid and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. A nice muddle this slates would be in before the trials over, thought Alice. One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, of course, Alice could not stand. And she went round the court and got behind him and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror it was Bill the Lizard, could not make out at all what had become of it. So, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day. And this was of very little use as it left no mark on the slate. Herald, read the accusation! said the king. On this the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet and then unrolled the parchment scroll and read as follows. The queen of hearts she made some tarts all on a summer day. The nave of hearts he stole those tarts and took them quite away. Consider your verdict! the king said to the jury. Not yet, not yet. The rabbit hastily interrupted. There's a great deal to come before that. Call the first witness! said the king. And the white rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet and called out first witness. The first witness was the hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread and butter in the other. I beg your pardon, Your Majesty! he began, for bringing these in, but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for. You ought to have finished! said the king. When did you begin? The hatter looked at the March Hare who had followed him into the court arm in arm with the Dormouse. Fourteenth of March, I think it was, he said. Fifteenth. said the March Hare. Sixteenth. added the Dormouse. Right there to down! the king said to the jury and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates and then added them up and reduced the answer to shillings and pence. Take off your hat! the king said to the hatter. It isn't mine! said the hatter. Stewn! the king exclaimed, turning to the jury who instantly made a memorandum of the fact. I keep them to sell! the hatter added in an explanation. I've none of my own! I'm a hatter! Here the queen put on her spectacles and began staring at the hatter who turned pale and fidgeted. Give your evidence! said the king. And don't be nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot. This did not seem to encourage the witness at all. He kept shifting from one foot to the other looking uneasily at the queen and in his confusion he made a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread and butter. Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation which puzzled her a great deal until she made out what it was. She was beginning to grow larger again. And she thought at first she would get up and leave the court. But on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her. I didn't squeeze so. said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. I could hardly breathe. I can't help it. said Alice very meekly. I'm growing. You've no right to grow here. said the Dormouse. Don't talk nonsense, said Alice more boldly. You know you're growing too. Yes, but I grow at a reasonable base. said the Dormouse. Not in that ridiculous fashion. And he got up very silkily and crossed over to the other side of the court. All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter. And just as the Dormouse crossed the court she said to one of the officers of the court bring me the list of the singers in the last concert on which the wretched Hatter trembled so that he shook both his shoes off. Give your evidence. The King repeated angrily, or I'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not. I'm a poor man, Your Majesty, the Hatter began in a trembling voice, and I hadn't begun my tea, not above a week or so. And what, with the bread and butter getting so thin and the twinkling of the tea? The twinkling of the what? said the King. It began with the tea, the Hatter replied. Of course twinkling begins with a tea, said the King sharply. Do you take me for a dance? Go on. I'm a poor man, the Hatter went on, and most things twinkled after that. Only the March Hare said, I didn't, the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. You did, said the Hatter. I deny it, said the March Hare. He denies it, said the King. Leave out that part. Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said, the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too. But the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. After that continued the Hatter. I cut some more bread and butter. But what did the Dormouse say? One of the jury asked. That I can't remember, said the Hatter. You must remember, remarked the King. Or I'll have you executed. The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup on bread and butter and went down on one knee. I'm a poor man, Your Majesty. He began. You're a very poor speaker, said the King. Here one of the guinea pigs cheered and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. As this is a rather hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up the mouth with strings. Into this they slipped the guinea pig head first and then sat upon it. I'm glad I've seen that done, thought Alice. I so often read in the newspaper, at the end of trials, there was some attempt at applause which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. And I never understood what it meant till now. If that's all you know about it, you may stand down. Continued the King. I can't go no lower, said the Hatter. I'm on the floor as it is. Then you may sit down. The King replied. Here the other guinea pig cheered and was suppressed. Come, let's finish the guinea pigs, thought Alice. Now we should get on better. I'd rather finish my tea, said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers. You may go, said the King. And the Hatter hurriedly left the court. Without even waiting to put his shoes on. And just take his head off outside, the Queen added to one of the officers. But the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door. Oh, the next witness, said the King. The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried a pepper-box in her hand and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court. By the way, the people near the door began sneezing all at once. Give your evidence, said the King. Shout, said the cook. The King looked anxiously at the white rabbit who said in a low voice, Your Majesty, must cross examine this witness. Well, if I must, I must. The King said, with a melancholy air, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook, till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, What are tarts made of? Pepper mostly, said the cook. Trickle, said a sleepy voice behind her. Call her that door-mouse, the Queen shrieked out. Behead that door-mouse, turn that door-mouse out of court. Suppress him, pinch him off with his whiskers. For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the door-mouse turned out, and by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared. Never mind, said the King, with an air of great relief. Call the next witness. And he added, in an undertone to the Queen, Really, my dear, you must cross examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache. Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like. For they haven't got much evidence yet, she said to herself. Imagine her surprise when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name, Alice. End of Chapter 11 Chapter 12 of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Louis Carroll This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. Alice's evidence. Here, cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes. And she jumped up in such a hurry, that she tipped over the jewellery box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen onto the heads of the crowd below. And there they lay, sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset the week before. Oh, I beg your pardon! She exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could. For the incident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and put back into the jewellery box, or they would die. The trial cannot proceed, said the king in a very grave voice, until all the jurymen are back in their proper places all. He repeated, with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as he said so. Alice looked at the jewellery box, and saw that in her haste she had put the lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable to move. She soon got it out again and put it right. Not that it signifies much, she said to herself, I should think it would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other. As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of being upset, and the slates and pencils had been found and handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write out a history of the accident, all except the lizard, who seemed too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the court. What do you know about this business? The king said to Alice. Nothing, said Alice. Nothing, whatever! persisted the king. Nothing, whatever! said Alice. It's very important, the king said, turning to the jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their slates when the white rabbit interrupted. Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course. He said, in a very respectable tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke. Unimportant, of course, I meant. The king hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone. Important, unimportant, unimportant, important. As if he were trying which word sounded best. Some of the jury wrote it down important, and some unimportant. Alice could see this as she was near enough to look over their slates. But it doesn't matter a bit, she thought to herself. At this moment the king, who had been for some time busily writing in his notebook, cackled out, Silence! and read out from his book. Rule 42. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court. Everybody looked at Alice. I'm not a mile high, said Alice. You are, said the king. Very two miles high, added the queen. Well, I shan't go at any rate, said Alice. Besides, that's not a regular rule. You invented it just now. It's the oldest rule in the book, said the king. Then it ought to be number one, said Alice. The king turned pale and shut his notebook hastily. Consider your verdict. He said to the jury in a low, trembling voice. There's more evidence to come yet, please, Your Majesty. Said the white rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry. This paper has just been picked up. What's in it? said the queen. I haven't owned it yet, said the white rabbit. But it seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner, to somebody. It must have been that, said the king, unless it was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know. Who is it directed to? said one of the jurymen. It isn't directed at all, said the white rabbit. In fact, there's nothing written on the outside. He unfolded the paper as he spoke and added, It isn't a letter after all. It's a set of verses. Are they in the prisoner's handwriting? asked another of the jurymen. No, they're not, said the white rabbit. And that's the queerest thing about it. The jury all looked puzzled. He must have imitated somebody else's hand, said the king. The jury all brightened up again. Please, Your Majesty, said the nave. I didn't write it, and they can't prove I did. There's no name signed at the end. If you all didn't sign it, said the king, that only makes the matter worse. You must have meant some mischief, or else you'd have signed your name like an honest man. There was a general clapping of hands at this. It was the first really clever thing the king had said that day. That proves his guilt, said the queen. It proves nothing of the sort, said Alice. Why, you don't even know what they're about. Read them, said the king. The white rabbit put on his spectacles. Where shall I begin, please, Your Majesty? he asked. Begin at the beginning, the king said gravely. And go on till you come to the end, then stop. These were the verses the white rabbit read. They told me you had been to her, and mentioned me to him. She gave me a good character, but said I could not swim. He said the word I had not gone. We know it to be true. If she should push the matter on, what would become of you? I gave her one. They gave him two. You gave us three or more. They all returned from him to you, though they were mine before. If I or she should chance to be involved in this affair, he trust to you to set them free, exactly as we were. My notion was that you had been, before she had this fit, an obstacle that came between him and ourselves and it. Don't let him know she liked them best, for this must ever be a secret kept from all the rest between yourself and me. That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet, said the king, rubbing his hands. So now let the jewellery. If any one of them can explain it, said Alice. She had grown so large in the last minute that she wasn't a bit afraid of interrupting him. I'll give him six months. I don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. The jewellery all wrote down on their slits. She doesn't believe there's an atom of meaning in it. But none of them attempted to explain the paper. If there's no meaning in it, said the king, that saves a world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And yet I don't know. He went on, spreading out the verses on his knee and looking at them with one eye. I seem to see some meaning in them after all. Said I could not swim. You can't swim, can you? He added, turning to the nave. The nave shook his head, sadly. Do I look like it? He said, which he certainly did not be made entirely of cardboard. All right so far, said the king, and he went on muttering over the verses to himself. We know it to be true. That's the jewellery, of course. I gave her one. They gave him two. Why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know. But it goes on. They all return from him to you, said Alice. Why, there they are. Said the king, triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on the table. Nothing can be clearer than that. Then again, before she had this fit. You never had fits, my dear, I think, he said to the queen. Never! said the queen furiously, throwing an ink-stand at the lizard as she spoke. The unfortunate little bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no mark. But he now hastily began the game, using the ink that was trickling down his face as long as it lasted. Then the words don't fit, said the king, looking round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence. It's a pun. The king added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed. Let the jury consider their verdict, the king said, from out the twentieth time that day. Oh, no, said the queen, sentence first, verdict afterwards. Stuff and nonsense, said Alice loudly. The idea of having the sentence first. Hold your tongue, said the queen, turning purple. I won't, said Alice. Off with her head! The queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved. Who cares for you, said Alice. She had grown to her full size by this time. You're nothing but a pack of cards. At this, the whole pack rose up in the air and came flying down upon her. She gave a little scream, half a fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face. Wake up, Alice, dear, said her sister. Why, what a long sleep you've had. Oh, I've had such a curious dream, said Alice, and she told her sister, as well as she could remember them, all the strange adventures of hers that you have just been reading about. And when she had finished, her sister kissed her and said, It was a curious dream, dear, certainly. But now run into your tea, it's getting late. So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she ran as well as she might. What a wonderful dream it had been. But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her head on her hand, watching the setting sun and thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful adventures, till she too began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream. First, she dreamt a little of Alice herself, and once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright, eager eyes were looking up into hers. She could hear the very tones of her voice and see the queer little toss of her head to keep back the wandering hair that would always get into her eyes. And still as she listened or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange creatures of her little sister's dream. The long grass rustled at her feet as the white rabbit hurried by. The frightened mouse splashed his way through the neighbouring pool. She could hear the rattle of the teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to execution. Once more, the pig-baby was sneezing on the duchess's knee while plates and dishes crashed around it. Once more, the shriek of the griffin, the squeaking of the lizard's slate-pencil and the choking of the suppressed guinea pigs filled the air mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable mock turtle. So she sat on with closed eyes and half-believed herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again and all would change to dull reality. The grass would be only rustling in the wind and the pool rippling to the waving of the reeds. The rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd boy and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the griffin and all the other queer noises would change she knew to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yard while the lowing of the cattle in the distance would take the place of the mock turtle's heavy sobs. Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman and how she would keep through all her ripe ears the simple and loving heart of her childhood and how she would gather about her other little children and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows and find a pleasure in all their simple joys remembering her own child life and the happy summer days. Thank you.