 Just a second, but let's go to growing up and how things evolved. You grew up in Bishop Street, so plenty of access to pubs and going to the pub and drink. It was a big part of your life when you were growing up and in your 20s and 30s. Yeah, it was just a social aspect, just going out with Mitz and just going to the bar for a few pints of the evening. And as everybody knows, it's your thing to do, a couple of nights a week. You had quick access to the town, two-minute walk, you were in the town centre, so it was just always a very social thing to do from around where I grew up. But things escalated and you realised or you thought earlier on, this was in your 20s, that you thought you might need some help, even though in hindsight you probably weren't ready. Yeah, so I had originally went to Northland about seven or eight years ago. I was told by quite a few people that there was an issue with me drinking. So I'd actually went for them. I didn't go for myself. I went to keep other people happy. No, they sort of keep people at my back. That's the reason why I went. I told them at Northland at the time that I didn't want to stop drinking. I wanted to be able to learn to control my drink. But I quickly realised after that that that's not really an option for somebody on addiction. You can control it. It controls you. But that was a very, very... After that you realised that drinking was controlling you? Yeah, I couldn't see it at the time. I thought everybody else had an issue with my drinking and I didn't have an issue with it. I thought everybody else was the problem. But blindsided by the drink that the issue was me and my relationship with alcohol. But as I said, it quickly progressed then from that that took a really bad spiral over the next few years after that. Tell us about that. Tell us about it, God. You're a young daughter and your then partner and tell us how it affected them and also your family because you ended up losing connection with your family. Yeah, so it takes everything. No, I had everything. I had a house, a family, I had a great job, all my family around me. It slowly pushes everybody away when people on addiction can't see that their addiction is causing hurt to everybody else around them. Then they cut ties with them people because they want to need to get help but you can't see that you need help. So you gradually push them away and it caused more fights and arguments and any relationship that I was on and then it just consumed every single part of my life that there wasn't room for anybody else. The drink was the main priority through everything, through work, through relationships, through seeing my daughter, through my own family that they wanted me to stop drinking but I couldn't stop drinking so my main priority was the drink and not demons. So everybody else had a problem with you? Yeah, everybody else had a problem with my drinking except for me and that's my main thing then was if you had a problem with my drinking then you're better not be around me. And it was so bad that your former partner stopped you from seeing your daughter who was very young at the time and in fact that was the right thing to do? 100% was the right thing to do. I wasn't able to look after myself so there was no way that I was able to look after a young child. Now for a couple of years that I hadn't seen my daughter, I'd blend the ex-partner for that but I had to come to the realisation that she was looking at from my chain and I have to give her a props for being able to stand up and take that responsibility, they put the fault down and say it's not happening like, it was a hard pull to swallow but it's the truth, it's what it is like, the drink was more important at the time. So your every waking moment revolve around drinking, getting hold of it and I suppose hiding the fact that you were drinking so much? Yeah, everybody knew I was drinking but in my head, nobody knew, no, it's a crazy place to be on that your own mind tells you nobody knows you're drinking and you were thinking you were crafty and you were getting away with it but everybody knew, everybody knew when I was drinking or I had drank but the delusion that you're on is you love a different word of this hasn't really like I'm on my own bubble, it was sort of the scenario that it is. You eventually lost your driving licence, you also lost a number of really good jobs, you took a hundred sick days, so really all told Thomas this was bad, this was just a bad situation and you were trying to paper over the cracks and it wasn't working. I always thought why are these bad things happening to me, that was my thinking but bad things didn't happen to me, I created bad things through my drinking and that was the be your own end all of it, anything happened was because of me, I created them events for them to happen, it doesn't just happen with a bad look. And it all came to a head one day when you took the dog for a walk? I took a dog for a walk but I took a leader bottle of vodka with me, I think it was a good idea to pretend I was walking the dog and kept me drinking at the same time, I was actually found out the line we were called out by the river foil on a set of train tracks, I was passed out and the only way that I could be identified at the name tag of the police that was working in my pocket, so they contacted them and they see if anybody knew me and it just happened that somebody knew me and they had contacted her, they say where I was and my sisters came out to get me but I still couldn't see what was wrong, couldn't understand why they were there, couldn't, didn't want them to be there, I just wanted to go drinking again, my first thought was right I'm sober enough now to go back to the bar and that's where I wanted to go. But eventually the penny did drop and it took all of that, all that we've gone through, I'm sure it was all part of the decision making process for you to contact Northlands again but this time it was your decision, wasn't about what somebody else wanted you to do, this is what you wanted to do and I suppose that made the difference, you took ownership of it. Well that's it, people always say would you get help or would you go and help somebody, somebody that's an addiction means they want it for themselves, they be able to succeed. I got the point that there was no going back, there was one where the other, I was the other going to die or I was going to get help and I wasn't ready to die then, I took the realization that I need to get help, I need to do something about this now because if I had a continued drink and I probably wouldn't be sitting here now they would tell the story of where I've come from. So at Northlands there's a program, a six month program that was affected as you said earlier by Covid so part of it was on Zoom and then after that then how does it work, you're mentored for a couple of years? Yeah so after the six week program they do a two-year aftercare program so every week you meet up with a group of people who have all been through the six week residential treatment and you just talk and just talk about your week, you talk about your feelings, what's good, what's bad and you get the support from the other people that's there to be healthy and guide you through it. And what are those meetings like because there's a lot of people listening in that would sound like, especially people that are listening in and maybe do have a drink problem whether they realize it or not and they're thinking two years ago into meetings that sounds like absolute hell. Is it, are they a chore or do you actually look forward to them weekly or is it a mix? I can pretty lost here sorry. John I'm sorry yeah what I was saying was those meetings those weekly meetings are they headwreck and a bit of a chore and you know and really inconvenience or do you actually realize that they're still needed and that you welcome them and actually you know what might go into it? Well I actually loved the aftercare, I loved going to the groups of the meetings it was a safe place that you could you could talk with other people who understood where you were coming from you know the train of thought that you might have been on the feelings that you were having. It was a safe space that you could go and open up about anything and you weren't judged, you weren't criticized, you were given support on how to deal with the issues or how to deal with the feelings that were arising because you've got the older stand as well that addiction is you're suppressing your feelings through the time that you've been drinking so from 17, 16 all the feelings that I've been having over that period of time were suppressed so after stopping drinking then feelings have to start coming out again and you have to learn how to deal with the feelings and understand the feelings that are starting to arise and that at itself it's you have to get to know yourself again, learn who you are, understand what a feeling is which was so it wasn't it wasn't so honey but that's the hang of it the aftercare there there the healthy through that transition period from I suppose it's also about building bridges all the relationships and the friendships and the family ties that you'd you'd broken over the years they you know takes a while for them to be mended well that's it I thought you know automatically that right I'm sober now everybody else should be happy no it doesn't work like that no I don't wreck things on a day so things aren't going to be fixed on a day and at that time the the bold some of the relationships back up again but again you have to take ownership for that you know you have to look and see it was me who created this situation so you have to give the people the time to see the healing that you've done and the work that you've put on to get to where you are and you have to allow them the time they will be I wouldn't really say forgive you but they you know allow you that accepting yeah accepting yeah to me it sounds like you're you're something of a sort of a poster boy for for recovery I'm sure it's not a title that you would like or a role that you would have wanted to to to end up in but you've also come back to Northlands now and you help out is that right yeah yeah so I do one night a week over there I would do an overnight stay with the residents that are currently there just to show them that no there is a way that you can overcome this there is a brighter side to it don't get me wrong it's hard at the start and it still continues to be a harder times but there is a better way of life to fight it and now you're looking at a at a Christmas that's not consumed by alcohol here you know there's well your Christmas will have nothing to do with alcohol but you don't you know your every waking moment isn't taken up with you know where can I get a drink how can I hide taking this drink what's the consequences of taking it to you know you can well it's just good to not spend Christmas on my own for a change um no I spent three or four Christmases on my own sitting on a house and nobody else around me um so it's that's a different of a new wee baby as well he's uh five months old so brilliant brilliant that's that's the answer and well it is yeah I can imagine and and you've also along the way taken to fishing which is you which you're finding a great help and sort of therapeutic yeah so I would have first a lot growing up um and I would have played golf a lot as well so you know after northlands you trying to set fine something they fill my time um I went out and play golf again once or twice and thought not this isn't for me um so I'm back fishing and just the benefits that I found on fishing not just for the addiction side of things but for your own mental health my mental health with the drink was shattered with depression and anxiety um so the fashion really helped me be able to just sort of alleviate that and you also have a relationship with your daughter again yeah yeah uh get to see my daughter quite a bit now um and I'll say it's it's amazing like um just to be able to expand the time and try to make up for the time that I lost out on um it's it's amazing like there's people I say would you go back to the drink and I said you couldn't pay me to go back to drinking to understand what I have um and what I lost no and that won't rank just it wouldn't be worth it and and a lot you know a lot of people think you see people who are doing problem and think oh yeah that's that's just selfishness they're doing what they want to do that's a choice and and and they've made it you know nothing could be farther from the truth and you wouldn't just want to hear you chatting today and outlining just everything if you messed up and everything you've missed out for years and and the difference is not drinking makes I think it's evidence of that well yeah congratulations on on on the journey and and the turn that you've made and uh and now you're coming forward to Christmas and people can contact you wonder if there's a fishing group isn't it you formed a fishing group yeah so whenever I started fishing I realized the benefits of it and it's sort of I was looking then they see if the walls any kind of groups no if you weren't done they they sport there wasn't really anything there so at the side that they see if about if I started a fishing group with a very much interest and it just took its own legs and we currently have about 1500 members on the group and we're now working with the western trust to get fishing socially prescribed for people with depression and anxiety um so there's they happen from it and just the benefits of it alone is massive um and the more people that I try to get into it there there's always somebody you talk to they always have a story of fishing fishing's always relatable to somebody and we're working to just show the benefits of not only for going out and enjoying yourself but how good it is for your mental health as well as part of that well listen a lot of messages coming in uh wishing you the best and and congratulating you so uh the the name of the group by the way if anybody wants to to look it up it's simply fish and fish stands for fishing and support of home there you go and of course uh northlands uh info widely available as well if anybody feels the need to to reach out to uh uh thomas thomas cambell thank you very much for being so open and honest and and chatting with us on the show and you have yourself a great christmas thank you very much biggest ever competition if you're in thanks thomas thank you all right all right