 By this time the rest of them all was closed and everything was dark. There was no one around Just me and him in this video We need to talk about the truth about Illimation and I'm gonna introduce you to a psychologist by the name of Martin Seligman What is up everybody This is Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem But focus on the solution and if you're new to my channel my channel is all about mental health And what I like to do is pull different topics from the YouTube community to try to teach you How to improve your mental and emotional well-being so if you're into that make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell but first before I jump into the breakdown of Illimation's new video and Introducing you to a psychologist. We are going to talk about what a lot of you have been asking about Which is my brand new book called rewire your anger. So it is not out right now I submitted it to Amazon and it'll probably be up by the morning So make sure that you follow me on Instagram and Twitter my Instagram and Twitter is the exact same It's on the screen right now at the rewired soul follow me because as soon as it goes up Which might be later tonight and might be in the morning don't know what it is But I will put it out there on my social media And I will also update the description as well as the comment section down below With the link to the book and then later this week. I will be doing an audiobook as well. All right But anyways, let's jump into it. So some of you Have seen that I already recapped her first video a lot of you suggested Illimation to me because of what she's been talking about and yeah with the story of her abusive ex-boyfriend So I covered part of it and then I covered also people talking about her staying silent. So go check out those two videos They'll be linked up in the info card. So I just went to the gym wash her new video And yeah, there's definitely some things that we need to talk about and Something that I'm always looking at like I Was just talking to Tristan about this. I'm always like kind of checking out like human behavior, right? I'm wondering about thought processes and everything like that and Something I found interesting about Illimation from even her first video is She's answering a lot of questions that she knows are gonna come at her She even created another little character that comes up and asks like these dumb questions Oh, you have to be stupid to not see these obvious red flags I would never let that happen to me. No, I wasn't stupid. I was 13 But you guys like she was ready for it and it's crazy because people are asking that in the comments People ask that on Twitter like why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that? Why don't you do that? So she tried to answer them as best as possible throughout that video to kind of get ahead of the game But Illimation if you ever see this video like I put disclaimers in my videos all the time people don't pay attention to them But anyways, let's start out with this clip right here before we get into the thick of it I really want to stress this don't blame my parents for what happened to me stranger danger got it No, no squares don't touch them. They taught me to stand up to people like Harris They even tried breaking us up at one point because they were suspicious that this very thing was happening And that's a whole nother story. I'll have to get into later. So yeah It's important that we we talk about this because there's so many questions about like well Didn't your parents teach you didn't your parents teach you this and I hadn't watched your second video yet So that was even something I was curious about but she's like my parents taught me this and like what it's what's important to understand is that You know in my last video I talked about how we have to have this open dialogue with our kids and all that but like still there's only so much we can do and There's there's a million books about this and I need to start doing more parenting videos But let's look at substance abuse, right? Like I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic Like do you guys think that my parents didn't tell me like that drugs are bad? Like I asked like my clients at the rehab I'm like did nobody tell you that heroin was bad for you like we're taught these things So there's something else that's going on when it comes to substance abuse a lot of times It's mental illness or trauma or you know just other there's a bunch of different factors that I won't dive into But you got to understand that a lot of young people are taught these things But then there's other factors at play and my parents said look you're 17. You'll be 18 in September You're going off to college soon. You're becoming an adult if you trust this guy now so can we and hearing that knowing the gross things he was doing to me and Knowing if I spoke out about it that he'd kill himself or me I felt like I was telling my parents the biggest lie to their face But I didn't know what else to do that clips really important because it's important like that we understand we understand a lot of Reasons I make these videos like I hope I hope that people don't understand that don't understand trauma and abuse Like I hope I can explain to you a little bit better. What's actually happening. So what? Illumination was talking about right there is like that feeling of guilt So there comes a point especially after some people are abused where without saying something now You almost feel guilty for it, right? So how is she gonna tell her parents now? How is she gonna do this and I know from like the outside? It's easy to say well you shouldn't feel guilty and all these other things But like eventually you feel guilty and then you keep quiet about it And Illumination ends up going on and talking about how she started to rationalize this whole thing felt powerful I felt confident I felt reassured that I could handle his abuse that if he did try to hit me abuse me or even kill me I could defend myself. I felt at ease in our relationship Seriously, that's how messed up your reasoning gets in these kinds of relationships and this is called rationalizing So Illumination I love how she like gives you definitions of stuff But rationalization is something that happens quite often. So working in drug and alcohol treatment I've met a ton a ton of women who turned to substance abuse because they were in a An abusive relationship and they had children right and what happens is and and you kind of understand like the psyche of someone Who's going through this abuse like these women that would rationalize staying with a man who was physically abusive? Because of the kids their brain would tell them that oh It's better for me to stay with this abusive man So the kids have two parents like this is what happens or they'll say things like oh, how am I going to survive? He pays all the bills. I took that all these other things This is why I keep telling you to get support get support find other people who have gone through this process before All right, I will link again down in the description a ton of resources But it's our brain's way of tricking us into thinking that there's no other solution That's one of the reasons why I always say we talk about the problem But focus on the solution when we get stuck in the problem We start to rationalize what we're doing like you guys like a lot of you don't understand why drug addicts keep using drugs It's because we rationalize this I told him I needed to be back at 12 So we should probably get going what we finally meet in person we go on our first date and we don't even make out That's not fair. Okay. We can make out in the car then but after that I need you to take me back And by the way, you don't owe anyone anything boy or girl young or old especially when they treat you like this So real quick you go girl you go girl. All right, like this is so important This is so important. I made a video a long time ago about like confessions of a former r slash nice guy But like what Illy Mation said right there like you don't owe anybody a damn thing And this is such a scummy tactic that guys use. All right, and like I guess, you know It can happen to guys or women. All right, but anyways like you guys let me let me explain this to you I don't care if this person buys you a Lamborghini. I don't care if they buy you a brand new house I don't care if they show up to your front door with a mythical dragon. You do not owe them Anything. Okay, so do not let anybody guilt or pressure you into anything like that. All right as I took my shoes off I just felt so weird I wanted to scream to cry to tell my mom what just happened to me with that man right there in the doorway But I was so shocked. I couldn't say anything. I Was so mad at myself what happened to thinking I was stronger than him that I could and would defend myself one of the things that people ask is like why didn't she do something? Why didn't she run? Why didn't she because? Illy Mation talked about when she finally met Harris when she met him. She's like, oh, I could take this guy That's how would she started rationalizing like if this dude tries to do something I'm gonna fight him well when something happens and we go into that Cortisol induced stage that's what triggers anxiety and the part of the brain that's responsible for that is the amygdala Fight flight or freeze. All right, and the unfortunate part about that is we don't get to decide what our body does All right, so we don't get to decide whether we go into fight fight or freeze mode And what happened to Illy Mation and what happens to a lot of abuse victims is that they go into freeze mode Okay, one of the reasons our brain does this is because we've evolved over tons and tons of years and some of One of the ways to avoid getting eaten by a predator was to just stop moving So our primal instincts kick in and sometimes we just freeze and don't do anything So this is what really bugs me when people are like, oh, well, why don't you put up a fight? Why didn't you do this? Why didn't you do that? And then that guilt that Illy Mation was talking about like her brain says well I can't tell anybody because they'll ask like, oh, how did this skinny little twig boy do that to you? Well, it's because of the brain's natural response and that's what just drives me nuts because there's so many people who do not Understand how the frickin brain works and and they want to accuse people of lying about these situations or over exaggerating He refused me restraining order. He refused to even investigate He threw my license back at me and said next time leave the adult things the adults Okay, sweetheart, and if you go running back to your little boyfriend, don't call us and Look, I understand that might be hard to believe But the fact is this is what happens in these kinds of cases Some cops are nice some cops are helpful and then some just don't see how fatal these situations can be this this video like, you know Spoiler alert it has a happy ending But it bummed me out because I hear this story all too many times about you know Someone trying to report this and they get turned down and that's what Elimation was talking about Oh, you thought you thought I forgot to introduce you to this guy Martin Seligman So let me explain to you a little psychology right quick So way back in the day Martin Seligman and his group of little psychology scientists They did a test on dogs. Okay, so they have this thing called a shuttle box All right So in this shuttle box you had two different sides and the dog would be on one side and the ground was like electrical So what they would do is they would electric they would play a sound electrocute the dog and then the dog would jump over to the other side All right, so they were training the dog that when you get when you hear this noise You should jump over to the other side So as after they started this priming and conditioning of the dogs they started to electrocute both sides All right, so they would play the noise and then the dog would jump over the other side and still get shocked So then what they did was they reverted it back to normal They didn't electrocute the other side anymore and they would play the noise The dog would just lay there and get shocked and these scientists are like what's up? What's going on? We got some broken dogs up in here But no that's when they came up with the idea of learned helplessness when you keep trying something and it doesn't work You eventually give up, but that's dogs. What about humans? So mr. Martin Seligman came up with this new experiment So what they did was they they got two groups of people two groups of people group one and group two So they put people in group one into a room and they played this loud annoying noise And they told the subjects that if you press this sequence of buttons the noise goes off So group one noise came on they press the sequence of buttons and the noise went off group two the sound The knowing sound came on and they press the sequence of buttons and nothing happened They pressed it again Nothing happened They did it over and over and over and over again and they left these poor people in there with this Blaring noise going off. So then they put them into a new room both groups one and two All right, but what they did with this new room was all you had to do you didn't have to push a button All you had to do was wave your hand and the sound would go off All right, but the people from group two and because of learned helplessness when the sound went off They just stood there They didn't even realize that the sound would turn off just by moving their hand and it's so important that we understand Learned helplessness because it's the reason it's the reason why so many people don't come forward It's the reason why there are people who are stuck in these situations because they tried they tried over and over and over again But they got no results. So eventually the brain says just give up Why even try I interned for a little bit for it's Alex Clark and I learned how to do story time animation on YouTube I started posting videos in January 2018 and I gained a bit of traction and from there I made a bunch of really good online friends and I met them at my first VidCon in 2018 But lastly like I said, we end on a happy note Illimation got out of that relationship and it's awesome And I hope you take from it like get a support group build up your self-confidence Do the hard thing that you have to do she got to a point where she said you know what? I got to cut it off for this guy But the most important thing I want you guys to all take from this is something that I keep Telling you all in my videos. This is why we share our stories Illimation is getting millions of views millions of views going out to men going out to women going out to young boys Young girls and telling them that you do not have to put up with this stuff And you can leave and the red flags to look for so you don't become a victim too So it's so awesome and that that is one of the reasons I had this channel This is why I keep telling you guys go out there share your story because it can inspire somebody else All right, but anyways I'm going to do another video Tomorrow about something that's been going on in the community around these videos So make sure that you're staying tuned to that but before you leave I want to hear down in the comments below About learned helplessness. Are there any situations like maybe life? Maybe it's life keeping you down Maybe you were applying for jobs and kept getting turned down so you just stopped looking like can you relate to learned helplessness? All right, let's talk about it down below, but let's try to figure out the solution to all right Anyways, that's all I got for this video if you liked this video Please give it a thumbs up if you're new make sure you subscribe and ring that notification bell because I make a ton of videos And a huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on patreon. You're all amazing Hey, and don't forget rewire your anger will be out any minute now So make sure that you stay tuned to me over on Twitter and Instagram. All right. Thanks again for watching. I'll see you next time