 All right, how do you create the life that you really want? Not a life that somebody else wants for you Not a life that your mother or father wants for you or your husband or your wife or your friends Or what society wants of you. How do you create the life that you really want? What's the step-by-step formula because maybe you're listening or watching to this now and Maybe you're in a job and you're not doing what you really know you want to be doing or maybe You're in a relationship, you know, you really should get out of or maybe There's a relationship you really want to get into but you're not taking action on it What do you really want to do in life and then when you figure that out? How do you actually create it? To figure that out to give you the step-by-step formula how we can do that I've brought in a men's mentor But even though he's a men's mentor this a lot of this stuff is going to equate to women also His name is Daniel Francis He's the founder of elite man Academy, and he's been pursuing his passion For helping men become their best selves and write their own stories create their own life And he joins us now from London, England Daniel Francis. Welcome Yeah, thank you for having me sir. It was great to have you We've got an Australian accent talking to a British accent the American listeners and viewers are probably scratching their head going Jesus So so Daniel you're going to give us a step-by-step play here a formula on how we create the life We really want but just give us a little bit of background on you. Where'd you grow up? What's your background? You know, how did you get into this? Give just let us know who you are. Yeah, definitely So um, I I as you can hear from the accent um a Londoner all the way from sunny London, England envious of your son right now And and for for those of you who don't know me I'm a classically trained actor my my background was I loved Shakespeare. I was in love with being on the stage and and you know really studying Shakespeare But it didn't it didn't always start like that. I was for a long period of time And struggled where I grew up. I saw lack of communication poor communication Was the cause of a lot of pain and a lot of wasted potential And so when I got into acting I moved into the acting world it really was to Figure out how to deal with a lot of pent-up aggression and negative emotions that I was harboring and carrying from where I grew up and and it was just kind of Event and also a way to channel and understand that and to learn how to communicate effectively And then I got into the dating world I was struggling and lonely and surrounded by a lot of beautiful women and Had no idea how to to really get the dates that I wanted and and long journey became uh a dating a dating expert and dating coach and um traveled the world teaching men how to Improve their communication how to build really solid relationships with women And that was the turning point for me because I realized that there was a lot of um A lot of pain and a lot of frustration that was coming from people not knowing how to create relationships not how to not knowing how to Communicate with themselves effectively first and then how to then communicate with others And that really changed everything for me being able to work that personally with men And so I mean, how did you feel about life when you were not living up to your Potential like in a scale of one to ten How did you feel like I'm sure it doesn't sound like you were having you were like in the depths of despair and that everything was Was awful. It sounds like it was just okay. Maybe maybe it was kind of like you were just existing in the world But how would you rate yourself out at ten? Yeah? Well, let me answer that by by by saying There was a point in in my journey where I was stood on the edge and if anyone's been to london clap and junction station I was taking my mom to the to the airport And and I wasn't thinking about how to take my life I was contemplating and I wasn't saying whether or not to do it or not I was saying how to do it and I was on the edge of this platform and I was going You know what? I don't want to I don't want to jump on a platform because that'd be a messy And I want to have an open Open coffee and I thought about taking pills and I thought I don't want to take pills because if I want to go I want to go out like a man, right? So my ego was still kicking in but I was on the edge I was literally on the edge. I was I hit I hit rock bottom And and I realized that essentially what it was I felt so Trapped by myself. There's nothing else. It was what was going on in this mind of mine I felt so trapped and frustrated by that and I couldn't get out of that and I couldn't communicate and express myself And so the that journey into the dating world what it really became and what I became known for as well was um was that freedom of expression emotional freedom and being able to go for what you Really wanted and I saw that it crossed over into so many different areas of a man's life that once he got his Communication with himself sorted out that he actually really started to Communicate more effectively with with the actual world as well so What you're talking about here is really having the confidence or understanding that you can create whatever World you want for yourself. I mean speaking from my own experience I mean, I'm australian-american and when I was 23 I went over to london and lived in london for four years because I was like I was feeling a little bit stifled in australia and I was like I got to get out. I want to go and see the world Australians get to live and work in london for two years. So I went over there I used the british pound to go traveling and I just went and saw the world I went down to ran with the bulls in pamplona in spain and I went down to carnival and in Brazil and then after four years I went over to america because I wanted to go and explore explore america. So I've always kind of had an inherent understanding that you can create whatever you want for yourself Just by taking action and that's pretty much worked for me Are there things that I wish that I would have done better? Absolutely But did you believe like and I always believed that I was Destined for big things or I could you know make the world around me in whatever Shape I wanted did when you were going through that Depression so to speak Is that is that taken off the table? Like is is it just a situation of what's like? Well? I just can't do this like I've got responsibilities or I don't know how to do it like is that is that taken off the table so to speak Do you know what it was the I had Because I knew you and I and I completely agree with you and I've shared that Sentiment of knowing that there was greatness in me that there was something there It was that seed of greatness that I could feel where I knew there was something bigger but When the external when when you're living a kind of condition driven life or condition based life living by the circumstances Then it becomes very difficult to take control take control of your life And so my whole thing was Seeing the environment that I was in haven't seen the results that I was getting Knowing that I was capable of more knowing that I wanted more and not knowing how to get about and go and do it That was the frustration right We're talking to daniel francis who is the founder of elite man academy and as we're recording this We're actually live on my facebook page, which is james swanik official So if you are watching this as you are as I see many people are at the moment are watching this on my facebook live Please do post a question if you have a question for daniel at any stage and I'll be sure to ask him that If you're watching if you're listening to this on the podcast be sure to to like my official page james swanik official Because I'll be doing lots of live chats there And also just a reminder We're going to do a little snapchat later daniel and I at the end where daniel is going to give us a little 10 second version of how to live your best life So make sure you follow me on snapchat at james swanik So daniel, let's get into the nitty gritty here because the listener and a viewer wants to know How do they lead an extraordinary life? How do they do this? How do they put behind feelings of inadequacy or depression or feeling of hopelessness Or and really push that aside. Have you got a formula that you can you can share? We can go through through a few steps Before we go into to the kind of depth of it on the exercises of how to actually do that And it takes a little understanding the first thing that I that I always teach the people that I work with is that um Your mission or your purpose is just two key things to it one that it is self Discovered now what that means is you've got to seek I've met so many people That they kind of wait for this apple to fall out of the tree and bump them on their head And it doesn't work like that you've got to go searching and even james as you were saying as you You went traveling and I meet so many australians in london. It's a I'm sorry. I'm sorry daniel. I know Get out of there. It's like they call us jet jaffas just another f and ozzy I met more in london than I did when I was over in australia. It was fantastic And um, but but you've got to go seeking so self discovered and then the second part of that is that it's self determined which means that you've got to decide and For the most part it's that decision that moment of decision That changes everything when someone takes that that that stand they draw the line in the sand and they go This is what i'm going for right or wrong Where it goes against what i've you know Previously done it's not something that i may have done before or it's that it goes against what other people think And that is a turning point when you say this is self determined I've got to make a decision so those two things are really important to to internalize Then I look at what we call the three I call them the mission killers The first one is what I call emotional numbness Now for me This was huge. This was absolutely huge and especially for a lot of men where we you know We're told to man up when we're told to hold our emotions not not to express our emotions But the mission the purpose you get it as a sense as a sense of purpose a sense of mission an emotional sense The more cut off and numb we are the harder is to understand what these emotions are the harder is to read them and say Ah, this is a calling for me or this is something that feels good Or this is a pull in the right direction or this is a pull in the wrong direction And so the first thing is really to get Your senses alive again There's an exercise I give to some of my clients where they're having a lot of trouble with Their sensory experiences is to use your senses more regularly more consciously use your senses There's an exercise I gave to one where we had to um, he had to walk into a park any park you know any park they chose and Just to put air plugs in And use his sight to just take in the details to start to train his sight to take in new details And things that he wouldn't have picked up before Suddenly he starts looking at the colors of leaves and really looking at the details of of of the actual Leaf and the veins that run through it. Um looking at the bees or ants or whatever it was taking in sensory experiences then To switch that up and then to you know put blindfold on or close your eyes and sit in the park and just listen And just to determine all the different sounds and the different, you know Frequencies that you can pick out so that you start to enriching yourself again. Does that make sense? Absolutely I mean I walk from I have a four and a half minute walk from my los angeles apartment Down to sunset boulevard and into the crunch gym at the sunset five plaza here in los angeles and um, I was just saying on my On a live call I was doing for the for the people in my 30 day no alcohol challenge yesterday that Uh for the two minutes that it takes me to walk from down my street down to sunset boulevard I look up and there are these big palm trees three or four palm trees And what I'll do now in the morning is that I'll look up at the palm trees and watch the wind blowing through the palm trees And I'll just appreciate them and I'll just say uh, uh, you know gratitude. Wow. Look at that I live in southern california. I can see the wind going through those palm trees Look at the color of the blue sky and the backdrop Of those palm trees and what that does is that it reinforces this idea of gratitude And it also takes you out of this constant like oh, what am I going to do in the future? Or I can't believe I did that in the past. It gets you very much in the now There's a great book called the power of now by ecart tolly In fact, I just started a meetup group because I'm wanting to get some people to come and talk about the power of now So if you're in los angeles go and look on um meetup.com and join my my group And we'll meet up and talk about it. But yeah, just getting in that moment and being appreciative Um, can get you out of that emotional numbness that you you referred to daniel daniel. We do have a question here That's come in from a live viewer on facebook on my facebook. Just a reminder if you want to um Join the live core component of this go to my james swanik official facebook page and like it and follow the page And you will automatically get updated when I do a live call. We've got a question here from jeff cons I hope that's how I pronounce it correctly and this is his question for you daniel I live in a small mining town in northern canada. I have a career that's relatively good But my passion is health and fitness How do I transition and still pay my bills and support myself and fiance? While searching and creating something bigger for ourselves Um, that's a great question. That's a fantastic question. Now different people Um, was was the gentleman's name jeff jeff jeff. Thanks for the question. Um different People operate say as a starting point for for me or anyone that I work with is um, my starting point is always modeling Okay, so it's always to find people who are doing something that's similar To what it is that you want to do so there are there are fitness experts or fitness people who have Fitness side businesses or whatever it is first to determine what you actually really want to do with the fitness Right, whatever you want to take it to and then to find people who are actually doing it Similar to the way that you want to do it and you model them It's the quickest. It's the it's absolutely the quickest way mentors are modeling for me has has absolutely changed everything because You know tony robbins used to say um success leaves clues And when you can find someone who has already done it and you can follow their footsteps It shortcuts the learning curve the other part of that sorry james. Do you want to jump in? You know, I was just going to say Picasso the great artist was very famous for saying a phrase which is Good artists copy and great artists steal So it's like, you know just follow I mean I actually learned that from my mentor ty Lopez who I speak about a lot here Um, who's a creator of the 67 steps and he's taught me a lot of stuff to do with business The mere fact that I'm done a podcast or have a snapchat or youtube is because I follow him If you're listening or watching this and you want to learn more about ty Lopez just go to jameswanick.com forward slash 67 steps So you go to my website jameswanick.com forward slash 67 steps and you can learn a little bit more about my mentor who helped me And certainly in business in the last couple of years But you're absolutely right, you know, I I actually invested in learning from ty Because um, I didn't know what I didn't know and he was uh, and still is a master of online marketing Which is an industry that I wanted to get into and my criteria for investing in his coaching and training was Is he 10 years plus does he have 10 years or more experience more experience than I do in that field? And the answer was yes, absolutely He does and so therefore I'm like I'm gonna learn from him. That's that's a worthwhile investment aren't just yesterday I went and did a um They give you a free kickboxing session at crunch gym Well, first of all, I went in there and I asked, you know, I want to I'm thinking about doing kickboxing or boxing I wanted to hire a personal trainer not sure and they said we'll give you a complimentary Free class with our top trainer a guy called david Um and see how you like it. So that's what I did. I took the free class and at the end of it I'm like damn this was really good. This is a good way for me to burn fat This guy's been doing it 15 years, you know, he's been doing martial arts training for 15 years So yesterday I'm learning stuff like where to hold the the fist to protect the face And whenever my my hands came down he'd give me a little tap on the face Not a punch, but like a little tap to remind me to keep it up And then I was coming in with doing a jab with moving my elbow out to the right and he told me no keep it in But nice and close. So I've got someone who's got 15 years more experience than me And now he's coaching me and training me and now I'm just copying what what he does so so for jeff um Sorry, I'm finished what you were going to say daniel in response to jeff's question But that was that's that's exactly it said jeff. So first first and foremost A mentor and a model, right? And and then the second thing becomes about how you how you manage your time because we've only got 24 hours in the day Like we've you know, the most successful people the most, you know Unsuccessful people whatever it is. We all share that and so it becomes about taking time from from different things I was told something by a mentor of mine years ago. He said You earn a living at between nine and five p.m. And you get rich between nine between five and three in the morning Right, so you go fortune between five and three in the morning And so it really becomes about monitoring how you use your time. That is just so key Um, so really saying well, what is important? What's how are you spending your time in the evenings after work now? And and where can you borrow time? The third thing I would say you've got your did he say he had a fiancée I think is yeah, he said he had a Um, so he wants to support himself and his fiance while searching and creating something bigger for themselves Fantastic the the there's something I talk about In within the dating field about uh, the relation a man's relationship with with women can either Do one of three things drive drive him distract him or destroy him And what it sounds like there is that you've got a great support network Which is fantastic and to to really leverage that and to bring her on board with your vision For something bigger and actually create that together and enroll her in that Um, the the bigger thing that you want to build as well. It's just it's it's fantastic. I love that Thank you for your question. Jeff and thank you for your answer Daniel we're talking to Daniel Francis who's the founder of elite man academy And even though we're speaking in the context of Men here. Well, we do have a lot of female a lot of women listeners and viewers So of course the same, you know give or take a few things the same concept can really work for you as well So please stay with us Great to have you here Daniel. You were talking about We were going through a few steps here on how to create the life that you really want You were talking about mentor getting a mentor modeling other people Monitoring your own time looking out for emotional numbness What else have we got Daniel? Yeah, so looking at the obligations That's the next one. There are a lot of things that we feel obligated by things that that really Catch us whether it's People whether it's the job whether it's these kind of prior commitments and a lot of the time it stops A lot of people from even venturing out to seek what it is that they want because they feel as if they're trapped by By these obligations. So We have to monitor that And and investigate it and say well, what are the things that I feel Have are stopping me. What are the obligations that I have in my life that stopped me from really going for what I want We can get trapped by our identity of who we have been in the past That whether it's um, you know, I remember when I was an actor when I was just an actor And I was trapped by that identity because there were certain roles or certain behaviors certain expectations that came with this actor and therefore Me going into business and me going into, you know, online marketing all those into that world was outside of the realm of being an actor And therefore I I was hesitant to go and venture right into it. So we have to investigate that one of my clients, Steve He was a trader for a long time But really what he really wanted to do was be a musician He wanted to write songs. He wanted to produce music and his identity of trader even though he was financially successful Done he's financially free. He still was about to go and build another trading company And I asked him I said Steve What do you really want to do? and he said well I'm gonna go and do music, but I'm 43 man like said Right, so we had to look at how the identity Had trapped him and say we have to reinvent that But not if you see yourself as this trader if you see yourself as the actor if you see yourself as the doctor Rather than seeing that as a component of what you do Rather So I have a question relating to that um, uh I want to grow my businesses, you know, I'm the creator of the 30-day no alcohol challenge Which inspires people to reduce or quit alcohol on the host of the james swanik show podcast Which interviews people like yourself relationship experts health experts talk about my life um On the creator of swanis blue blocking glasses, which when you wear them an hour and a half before night They block the blue light and so it helps you sleep later on at night Makes you sleep better learn fat feel healthier and more refreshed in the morning And all these things um are terrific and I get to build these businesses and it's all in the health self-development world But you know what I really want to sing not professionally, but I want to sing like I can't sing a note I can play guitar and I can play the piano But it frustrates me that I don't I can't belt out a tune when I'm in a car with someone for fear that they're Going to go hand your voice sucks which it does And so my question really is um Is that It's taking if I committed to say a lesson or two a week for three months, okay Um, is that a good use of my time or am I better using that time? In the pursuit of growing the bigger picture, which is the businesses because I can inspire the most people with health by Maybe I instead of doing the hour learning how to sing which is just a fun kind of thing Maybe I spend that same hour growing my podcast audience more or Inspiring more people to listen to people like yourself daniel francis more buy more of the swanney's glasses So I can help more people sleep. So where do you draw the line and go? Obligation versus priorities versus fun versus mission like how do you how do you figure that out? fantastic, and so that's such a great question the essentially This is why so one of the things I teach men is that cave time the one of the first steps is cave time And this is where we go into isolation and we sit in silence where we actually we are able to dial into What is speaking what is calling from us? So the a simple question A simple question as simple as what would I love? Is really important to be able to ask that to sit back where I'm sat right now Is my rocking chair? I'm just saying my rocking chair because I am I was in I was in at a spiritual retreat a few months back in conquered massachusetts and I had an opportunity to go to rafael to emerson's house and and Where henry david therose Cottage was and as with my mentor mary morrisey and One of the things that kept popping up Were I saw rocking chairs in all these houses? And people used to sit and think and they used to to have that space in that time to to to direct their consciousness And direct their thought and tap into their subconscious mind and infinite intelligence. So We've got this voice which is all the time talking to us And it's about us dialing into it and listening to it. So if you were to stop and say What I love to sing what would I love to do? What would I really love to do right here? And if the voice comes back to you and it says That would feed your soul right, then the act of Singing would probably I can't say probably it's different for everyone But what that would do for you and how that would translate into your businesses and and the energy and The enthusiasm that it would give you the sense of new life. It would give you could actually You know Infuse your listeners infuse your business even more than if you were just to work on the business on its own But only you can decide that does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. That's a good answer So I should really be doing it because then I can tell great stories and then I can teach me to like get out of my comfort zone push myself so I can Sing the hills are alive with the sound of music and a public spot And then I can share and maybe inspire others to get out of their comfort zone And singing think just to just to jump in there. I mean because you know, I trained classically as an actor and we had to do a lot of singing do musicals and stuff and Singing is a heightened experience. It really is it's that that heightened emotional experience So I would I from from, you know, a singer and I write songs as well Doing that for yourself giving yourself that gift is fantastic and you're in LA. So Check out Roger Love or peter purgley purgley. I'll send you over the some details, but We're talking to daniel francis. He's the founder of elite man academy Who's been pursuing his passion for helping men become their best selves and write their own stories um We have evan grace from new zealand who is following us now on facebook live if you're watching this on youtube or listening to this on the podcast Uh, let me remind you just follow me at james swanick official on facebook And you can watch these interviews taking place live and that way you can ask questions. It's more interactive James swanick official. You got to go to that page and follow me or like me and then you'll get notifications on this um Evonne or jeff or connie who are on watching live at the moment if you have questions for daniel about your own life Please do ask them. Uh, please do ask them now and i'll be sure to pass it on to daniel and uh, and uh, and he will answer those for you So, uh, okay, so you're asking we're looking at our obligations. We're asking ourselves. What would I love? We're getting in sync. Um, we're starting to develop a plan a formula. We're starting to To kind of really understand what it is that would truly make us happy or what our purpose is What what are we doing now daniel? What's the next step? Yeah and one more one more mission killer to to to look out for is uh Are the distractions the distractions of life for for men? I highlighted three that I saw coming up constantly with my with my clients No doubt they passed on to women in some in some category Uh, or some aspect of it, uh, but the three distractions And this is about when when we're looking at seeking mission here Number one is money the the pursuit of money can can really Detract from what is really come trying to come through us now Of course, you and I both know money is extremely important and a freedom that it can create But i've seen a lot of men just get trapped by the pursuit of money in itself As in as if money is the outcome money is the reward and they forget what the the actual deeper purpose for them is So that's something to be aware of and women This coming from the industry that I was in The constant when guys get caught on a constant chase The constant pursuit of new Women and new gratification It becomes this chase becomes almost gratifying in itself. That can be a huge distraction The our brains are wired for survival and for replication So I can I understand what the chase is in the sense of Getting a new you know bringing a new woman into your life and just for that chase purpose The brain almost rewards it from a survival and replication perspective But that that isn't necessarily helping you fulfill Deeper purpose and a deeper mission what i've seen is when guys have a support base having a woman in your life Who is um extremely supportive and who who you click with and who actually gets it? Um that is there's nothing there's nothing actually better than that Um the motivation that comes from having to make an amazing woman in your life is is fantastic And then sensory gratification another distraction of of chasing Uh constantly chasing peak experiences for peak experience sake Emotions pass Right these peak experiences pass and the deeper sense of fulfillment comes from when we're actually Feeding and when we're serving so It's easy to get caught in the I want another another fix. I want to do you know another peak experience I want to go and climb another mountain or jump out of the plane another Once once again, it's easy to get um Caught in that and feel like we're really fulfilled But it's fleeting and it's not lasting right so Yeah, it's funny. You know you say that and that's very interesting because um I went to the Super Bowl recently my Denver Broncos won and I've been a lifelong Denver Broncos fan I love them and I've been to the I've been to eight of the last nine Super Bowls Um, which is amazing and then I also have been to the last nine or sorry I think I mean eight of the last ten Sundance film festivals That's it takes place in Park City, Utah also takes place Uh, well that takes place in January Super Bowl is the first Sunday of February So it's around the same time January is a pretty hectic month For me because of those two events and and when you go to these events, there's like parties that you meet new amazing people It's just one party to the next party the next party Um at the Super Bowl. I went to the Direct TV party. I saw Run DMC the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I met Vince Vaughn I met Mark Cuban the billionaire. I got chatting to Liam Hemsworth the Australian Hollywood actor I um Who else was there? Jeremy Renner from the Bourne one of the Bourne identity movies and the X-Men movies was there and these celebrities and it's it's like It's giving me this little bit of a dopamine rush, right? The fact that I'm I'm Socializing with them when I'm at Sundance film festival same thing. I've met Jennifer Aniston when she was there Reggie Bush Kim Kardashian like all these kind of cool things and you get the photo with them You have a little chat And that's awesome and that gives me a little dopamine release and it's a great Experience but what I've certainly noticed in the last few years since I've been going to these same events is that the the The temporary rush that I get from that is awesome, right? It's a lot of fun But what I'm finding is is that I'm actually getting a longer more sustained pleasure from Doing other seemingly less sexy things less celebrated things such as Going for a hike With whoever the woman in my life is, you know going for it like I went to palm springs a couple weeks Weekends ago and I went hiking And it was beautiful and I saw the you like I saw these palm trees and this little oasis in the middle of the desert And and that was really really fun just in the quiet time Um, so I've kind of been re-exploring my whole relationship with going to these events like the oscars are coming up There'll be parties for the oscars the academy awards and I'm going to go to them It's going to be fun Absolutely, but I'm putting but I'm putting less importance on those events now And realizing that they're all just temporary Pleasures rather than long-term Pleasures now I just before I get your take on this daniel. I want to stress This is not me knocking those events, right? This is it's not to the contrary Like I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't have gone and done and enjoyed those events Going to the super bowl is fun as hell And if your life is about like being happy and doing cool shit That's pretty damn cool Meeting famous people and hanging out and getting and getting in them in conversations is cool as hell Go into the golden globes like I did is cool as hell In fact, if you're watching this on youtube or listening if you go to my youtube channel james swanick You'll see a video. I posted there recently called how to meet celebrities at the golden globes So just type in james swanick follow me on youtube and you can see a video of me walking around I've gone the golden globes red carpet. Um, I'm laboring on this point daniel. Let me wrap it up The point i'm trying to make is that um uh Long term things like relationships or walks in the park or looking at the at the wind blowing through the leaves And just stopping and smelling the roses. So to speak um Actually gives me longer term happiness Then the short term high that I get from going to these parties and making really cool things. Does that make sense? Have you got any thoughts on that? Oh, no, I will absolutely I think it's it's um um It's like sugar And I like I liken it to you know the simple carbohydrates versus the complex carbohydrates So if you you know, you you have a chocolate bar versus having you know a sweet potato or or a banana, right? And one's going to burn for longer and and is and is more consistent and sustainable Um, and and that's what it's like and hey, I love chocolate All right, so it's not like chocolate is bad But it's in everything in moderation Right The whole nutrients from it right so I completely agree with that And I think that what happens is over time is that the the short little spikes They they start as big spikes in the beginning and then they start going Right so the spikes on big and so people start trying to do more extreme and extreme and extreme things In order to get the higher that they once got and another and it doesn't come back so Yeah, I mean I even just do equated into romance. I mean I I'm 40. I'm not married. I don't have kids and I've been I had some great single days in my 20s and 30s. Let me tell you about it. It was awesome But I I also got into my early 30s And realized that I was addicted to the rush of chasing, you know I was addicted to that little little spike but in later years now in the past five years as I've as I've started to mature obviously and and I start to appreciate lengthier conversations less trivial conversations I I savor Relationships if you like Rather than chasing like, you know, the grass is always green and now look I'd be lying if I said I wasn't Easily distracted, you know by a pretty new woman or or a woman's beauty or something like that I mean I do I it's it's like it's like anything like it gives you a dopamine release Um, but it's funny, you know, I call it wisdom call it experience call it just getting older calling it whatever you want It's it's amazing how you start to appreciate Uh deeper Longer term more meaningful conversations or relationships More so than the constant chase chase chase Guys who are listening to this who are in their late teens won't understand And nor should you if you're a like teenager or early 20s just go out there and sew your seeds Absolutely go balls to the wall It's awesome. Yeah, it is awesome apologies to to deeply religious people who you know, what one person marriage or anything, but um Just live your life go crazy. You have my permission because it's fun as hell And at some point you're gonna have you'll you hit that stage where you go, you know what now I understand that I've moved on from that stage But moving on from it and never having done it are two different things. There you go. There you go. Absolutely, right I I definitely believe in Experiencing and and in doing it and and I do love women and you know, I James I had I had the most Incredible experience of my life thus far today My much to my baby sister had a baby today. So my birthday was just relations. Thank you. Thank you A birthday was yesterday. We thought the baby was gonna come on my birthday, but he wanted his own day And I tell you I don't have any kids yet I held that baby In in my hands and I just cried and it was just the most incredible experience There's there's there's nothing like it and I think for um, you know, I mean women women have the The the honor and the privilege and the pleasure of actually bringing that life through and rearing it For a man that level of I've never even even though it's my just my nephew And and he has a dad and you know, they've got their family the sense of responsibility that I now feel just from seeing my baby sister's baby and That there's nothing no rush that I've experienced so far in my life that compares to What I felt today as I held that baby it it's It's unmatchable not even close, you know And it's and it's really changed a lot of the ways that I think about this, you know The whole mission thing and what what it means to live because I do think once we experience um You know at uh parenthood and bring kids through and let that level of responsibility for a man There's nothing more demanding of ourselves. Yeah I share I share your your feelings for for children and things like that my my brother edward. He's uh He's two years younger than me. He has two children. So I'm an uncle To Sadie who's about four and uh rex who's almost one I think that's and I've spent some time with them In the last few months once over in oxford where they're based just outside of oxford. I should say Um in september and then again over the christmas break back in my hometown of brisbane australia and man I tell you what Uh, I realize that I really love kids and I also realize I'm pretty damn good with them too If I don't say myself Sadie loves me I'm a huge fan Sadie because she loves me and rex smiles at me and giggles at me I'm sure he's smiling giggling at everyone But it just makes you feel good to look into like a baby's eyes or a little ton of eyes And they're looking back at you with such fondness and affection. You just go This is good purely and it's so genuine. It's it's real You know, they haven't learned to mask. They haven't learned to right to See this just pure because they because if they don't like you they'll also tell you as well to report you You know, right? That's fantastic. Yeah, and it's funny, you know going back to your Suggestion of modeling and meant getting a mentor and modeling people who've done it before one of the things I realized Recently was that I don't have any good mentors or models in my life of happily married People with kids and I would like to have kids not sure about the marriage But recently I've been I've been reaching out to the people that I do know who are married and have kids And just seeking their advice I had a very lengthy conversation with a dear friend of mine in san francisco at the super bowl who was there I actually sought him out and said hey, can we meet up and have breakfast together? And so we did we met up and he's married with three kids lives over in In new york city and I asked him tell me about married life. Tell me about being a father. What's it like? And I got great intel on that, you know, like it was great great advice I've I sought out Another friend of mine who I haven't seen in some time Who's married and has a young daughter and I'm meeting up with him next week to seek his advice Yeah, so this is again any area of your life where you feel like you're struggling with or you don't know about seek them out I realize that I don't have any mental item I'm not like actively friendly or hanging out all the time with happily married couples yet That's something that I think that I want so what should I do? I should put myself in an environment where there are happily married couples with kids Absolutely makes sense, right? We're talking to daniel francis. Who's the founder of elite man academy who helps Man, he's a men's mentor. Um, we'll take a question here From uh, a von grace in new zealand who asks how do you guys keep yourself focused on your purpose daily? Do you write goals visualize? What's your routine, please? all right, so this is This is probably hands down the most important part for me after I found out what it was Um, the daily rituals and the daily habits are are just absolutely key And goal setting is is number one part of that. I have to know what I'm striving for and then there's two Two things that changed a lot for me and I call them master my mornings and nurture at night Master my mornings and nurture at night. So my phone Doesn't go on until a certain point of the day I'm trying to get it laid even later back right now. It doesn't go until 11 a.m. In the morning I want to I'm pushing it back to try and get it to the 1 p.m Um, but really and truly that morning time is so crucial to really set my day in motion, especially, you know being working for myself and and Not having the the schedule imposed on me by by a job You have to be so but even if even even if you are in a job with my clients that first Hour to two hours in the morning is crucially important and what you do there I have a ritual in terms of uh meditation I have a ritual in terms of making sure that I drink enough water and fluids in the morning And and also reading for for either 30 to 60 minutes in in whatever field So, um, you know now my my interest is in business and marketing and and that's something that I'm I read in and focus on Um, but whatever it is that you want to specialize in or wherever you want to take your life That 30 to 60 minutes of reading and nourishing your mind in the morning and mastering your morning is really key the night time The subconscious mind is more easily programmed at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day Our brain waves change and as we're about to go into sleep What you put into your mind before you go to sleep that's got eight hours of turning over and going You're suggesting to the mind that these are the things these are the important things that you want to have Stored and worked on so I'm I protect my night You know, I know some of the people who watch, you know TV before they go to bed and they're just running those images or they play computer games before they go to bed They're running those images over and over while you sleep. The mind is just churning on that God remember this that Our our mind our body these are intelligent systems within themselves I can't I I couldn't tell you how to grow here. I couldn't tell you how I'm growing my nails I couldn't tell you what is keeping my heart beating every time I want a reminder of how intelligent my body and this thing called life is that's happening to me and through me and I put my finger on my pulse and I feel it and I Think even if I wanted to with my mind, I could not stop this thing from beating. It's not my choice Right, so there's this intelligence that's going on and we have to nurture it with good food We have to nurture we nurture the body with good food We have to nurture the mind with good material. So what are you putting in there? What books are you reading? What? You know listening to james show and james show and and really getting great stuff in There nurture at night as well. Those will be two of the key things that the two places I would start Yeah, it's funny. I I have been experimenting with my mornings now for man 12 18 months and To be honest with you. It's always changing. I don't have the winning formula yet what I what I started with uh two days ago as an experiment was This wake up at 6 30 and from 6 30 into 6 45 I write in a gratitude diary and I do 10. Well, sorry Let me rephrase that I'll do from 6 30 to 6 40. I'll do meditation 10 minutes of the headspace app and then from 10 40 10 40 sorry 6 40 6 45 till About 5 to 7 I will write in a gratitude diary. I have this thing called the five minute journal And I find that writing in that just helps me stay positive and gets me into a positive frame of mind gets me thinking about opportunity rather than obstacles And then I'll sit down at At my on my sofa and I will read for until the bottom of the hour, which is 7 30 Yesterday I was reading a book called scrum the art of doing twice the work and half the time And just from reading that I came up with this amazing strategy if you like or little game To prove that if you are a multitasker then you're not being very effective with your time And so I learned this technique and then yesterday on my Facebook live I recorded a video teaching other people this and then I've stuck at subsequently I'm about to stick it on youtube if when you start listening to this it'll already be on youtube and it was it was called um You're dumb if you are a if you multitask So it's a little catchy title But the point i'm trying to make is that by creating that 30 35 minutes to read I came up with a new way of being more productive in my day like I realized. Oh my god I'm slaughtering much of my day from jumping from project to project to project rather than just staying on one project Finishing it and moving on to the next one um Then at 7 30 I created this habit of going into my closed facebook group of the 30 day no alcohol challenge Um, these are these are members paid members who've joined who are doing the challenge And I was being a little bit sloppy in the sense that um, I would go in there a few times a day Or sometimes I wouldn't go in there for three or four days I wouldn't comment and then I'd quickly sort of you know Try to do three or four days with the comments in like a long day And I'm like, you know what I gotta make this a daily habit just 15 minutes 7 30 7 45 go in there and Answer people's questions and do that every day rather than like You know and then after 7 45 don't go back in there for the rest of the don't go back in wait until tomorrow morning Now I did that and that was a hell of a productive day Having said that Today it was completely the opposite. I I slept in to 7 7 30. I was at a rush to go over to the gym I uh, I had breakfast today. Usually I don't eat breakfast because I've been doing intermittent fasting it was just a mess so I know what is the best formula for me But I can tell you even like even though I know that's the best formula and most of the time I do what is most effective for me. I'm also a human being I've also got a bad case of add and sometimes I get derailed Um, I I look at it this way. Um, I eat paleo style I'm I'm I'm a paleo enthusiast and I say it this way 85 of the time I eat Paleo I eat pretty well 15 percent of the time. I will go to town and eat ice cream I will eat Lime flavored chili um flavored, uh, deri uh, not doritos. Um cheetah cheetahs. What are they called? I don't know how to sell them down at my gas station. They're delicious. They're so bad for you I will eat that crap And but that's okay. It's 85 percent of the time. I'm doing it all right. So So Just to wrap this up um Experiment with the morning routine But whatever you do Don't turn on your damn cell phone Because then the email start coming in the whatsapp start coming in the little red notification from facebook comes in and you will blow down a rabbit hole And you won't get out of it So i'm trying to get better at that as well like just no way i'm not turning on the damn phone for the first hour and a half of of the day And reading i find that you know what i just i do i put my phone on airplane mode at night So it's not on so i don't have because there's a thing within our mind that we we hate Nature abores a vacuum and a human mind hates an open loop Right, so when we've got if there's something that's been opened let's say for example You ask someone a question and they don't answer you notice the pull That is created within you or you send someone a text message you send a woman a text message It doesn't reply back there's this void that is created and our mind just can't hack it So if you see a met an unread message on your phone or an unanswered email It the pull on the mind is incredible. So i don't want to see them at all So i so when i put my phone on airplane mode before i go to bed So that when i wake up there isn't a ton of things on the on the screen I do exactly the same thing. I do exactly same. I started doing it months ago It's not very good for all those women who are calling me late at night for booty calls Daniel Go straight to voice message I have had that complaint about from one particular one particular, uh, woman who Had a booty call for you. What happened? She's like i don't i tried to call you and it went straight to voice message What were you doing? I was like i was sleeping Why were you trying to call me at 1 15 in the morning? She's like, um I know what you're up to Yeah A bunch of women that you know that try to booty call you it's not the best strategy to get your booty calls But it is great for productivity and for mastering your morning Absolutely. Listen, let's wrap start to wrap this up. We've been going 52 and a half minutes Daniel So we want to we want to do a little good bookmark to this or bookshelf or whatever that Try and close this up because we talked about a few things. We talked about Emotional numbness making sure you get a mentor modeling other people how to monitor your time How you spend your time after work looking at your obligations asking yourself? What would you love? for men in particular Pursuing money for money's sake is a big distraction pursuing You know a new array of women or different women is a big distraction and constantly seeking You know peak experiences All the time which gives you temporary little fills is also a big discrat the distraction from your deeper fulfillment Do you want to just wrap all this up Daniel? And then we'll uh, we'll you and I are going to do a little snapchat We'll say goodbye to our facebook live viewers because i'm going to need the phone back to do the snapchat But yeah, just wrap this up first Daniel. That's it. So what I would say I'll give one one thing For me in terms of starting to because because those these are the precursor to actually digging in to start finding your mission, right? So um for me And for my clients I've worked with the biggest the biggest way that I start to get dial into what is really important Is and I call it the great clarifier and it is death All right, and it sounds brilliant sounds like there's interviews about to take a nose dive But it death is the great clarifier and it gives urgency And so there's two projections that I do I call it the deathbed projection and as human beings We have this unique facility that is incredible, which is the gift of our imagination We're already using our imaginations There's some people that say, you know, I don't have a good imagination But we do if you ever have feared anything Then you've been using your imagination because most of the time we think about what's going to happen We imagine things happening in the future that are negative and therefore it paralyzes us So when we start to command our imagination and use it for our advantage, it's enormously powerful So this deathbed meditation I do You get still again if you've got a rocking chair at home Just sit back and rock away close your eyes and we can project forward to the point of the end Okay, I imagine going to my death moment and I see it and I go there I go I fully go there experience it as if I'm seeing it through my eyes. I'm laying on my death bed I'm looking out why it just so happens that the place where I want to be is In my uh on the ocean front looking I love the ocean and From that place I've projected forward and I start to ask from two different perspectives We're motivated by pain and motivated by pleasure and each individual will have a different response to either pain or pleasure So the pain I ask what would I be pissed off or whatever it is? So disappointed that I didn't do in my lifetime what needs to come forward All right, what would I be pissed off that I didn't do in my lifetime? That's more of the pain the regret The other side of that is saying What would need to happen for me to get to this point? and be ecstatic and ready to cross over with peace And feeling like I've done it all everything I needed to do all the important things that I've done it So we're looking at pain and pleasure, but that for me death is the great clarifier and it adds urgency And that's how I would you know There are other ways I do it, but that's probably one of the one of the most powerful ways Yeah, we're all gonna die just when you come to terms with that and just accept it You know and then it's all of a sudden you've got uh, you've got a time constraint You know marketers do it brilliantly all the time It's like you've got 20 minutes to take up this offer or it's gone forever You know, it's like oh shit. I've only got 20 minutes Just think about like someone did this thing in the other day work out How many days left of your life you have like well the average man I think lives to about 77 So figure out how old you are now figure out how many days you've got left and that's and when you put it in the days You go damn, so I'm 40. Let's just say I live another 33 years. I'm already past it I'm already like lived longer than you know, what I've got left So 33 years times 365. I've only got 12,045 days left And tomorrow it's 12,044 and the day after it's only 12,043 Take that off every time. Yeah, you know what I mean? If you take that off every day and it just brings that level of urgency I did I did something similar where where I said that you know the age that I wanted to get to and I and and in a meditative state I found the date and I The date of my death as it were and as I just sat there. I said this isn't forever Dan This is not forever. Do it now Yeah, do it now. Do it now. Do it now. Do it now Very good. Well, Daniel Francis. Thank you so much Daniel Francis the founder of elite man academy If you have enjoyed listening to Daniel, you'll like what he has to say Uh, do go to elite man academy dot com. Where else Daniel before you and I do a snap Absolutely, I've got a and just for your listeners as well If you go to free gift from daniel.com and you can get hold of What I call it the confidence equation because a lot of things that stop us from really driving for the things that we want is about confidence and so We've got a formula there that really helps to build that confidence in four various key And specific steps as well Free gift from daniel.com free gift from daniel.com. So, uh, thank you. We're gonna say goodbye now to our live facebook Followers So thank you so much to those who asked questions including yvonne grace and jeff cons. I appreciate that Thank you. Connie blacker who was there. She or she couldn't make it. She was on a work call She said she's going to watch the replay I just a reminder you can watch the replay of this the video component of it on my facebook page Or you can watch this on on on youtube Yvonne grace is actually saying awesome. Thank you for motivating. Why isn't this taught in schools? That's valuable insight Thank you very much. Yvonne. Um, so goodbye to the facebook viewers now. I'm just going to shut off Fair well Just a reminder before you go make sure to the facebook followers Make sure you do follow me on snapchat because i'll be doing little live things. Um, you can follow my life 10 seconds at a time 10 second videos at a time I'll do about six or seven a day so you can see some of the cool people that I'm meeting and What i'm doing and how I live my life. Um, so do follow me on snapchat. It's james swanick swan w ic k. Thanks for watching. See you later facebook live Okay, so we're just ending that live video now if you're still listening on the podcast stick around because uh, Daniel's about to give us a 10 second version of how to live your best life Uh, and you can watch this on snapchat as well. Let's just do this. Hang on one second We're just gonna wrap it up here Okay, cool. So there you go. Now you're on on my facebook live Page if you want to watch the replay Daniel you can go and follow me at james swanick and you'll see that there Uh, let's move to snapchat. Um And if you're listening or watching this snapchat, uh, my snapchat is james swanick If you're not familiar with snapchat, I was a reluctant user of it up until very recently when I started now I realized the power of it Uh, because you can take little 10 second videos of your life and people can come in and follow your story throughout the day So you can see cool little things that you know people that you want to follow are doing I follow people like ty lupus gary veinachuk uh, john romanello Lewis hamilton the race car driver. It's really cool. It's a it's a like a little tv series that you can watch in people's lives throughout the day Uh, cool. So here we go. We're gonna record this. Um I'm gonna say daniel francis men's mentor What's the number one way for leading an extraordinary life? And then you're gonna give me like a five second version. It could be one sentence because it's only 10 seconds. So you ready? Yep. Here we go daniel francis men's mentor. How do we lead an extraordinary life? Ask yourself, what would you love and then figure out what's stopping you from doing it and then take them out the picture I love it. Let's see if we made that here How do we lead an extraordinary life? Ask yourself, what would you love and then figure out what's stopping you from doing it There we go. That's what we got And it's real It's real. Let's here we go. We cut off the last part, but that's going on snapchat now. So thank you very much For that daniel francis. This has been great. Remember to go to elite man academy or free gift from daniel.com And continued health and continued success to you daniel Fantastic and thank you for what you're doing as well James it's it's it's brilliant. I love love seeing you and watching you and seeing what you're doing And it's just the energy is fantastic. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it and thank you to the listener for listening Thank you to the viewer for watching and I will catch you on the next one Thank you so much for watching this video Don't forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking right here and make sure you put your phone up and follow me on snapchat You know you put your phone up and you take the screenshot and you automatically follow you on snap You know what i'm talking about you can do that right there when you do that You're going to be able to follow my daily life little 10 second videos And i'm going to be giving you awesome little tips on how to live the good life So go ahead subscribe here follow me on snapchat there and i'll wait for you