 J-E-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with Wyoming. Why do you begin with W? When it comes to gay, colorful beauty, ladies and gentlemen, the flowers that bloom in the spring certainly have a real rival in Jell-O. Jell-O is one of the most attractive, most inviting desserts you can possibly serve. It fairly glistens with goodness, shining and shimmering with a rich, lustrous look all its all. And Jell-O's bright glowing colors are enjoyed just to behold. As for flavor, well, Jell-O's flavor is simply irresistible, as delightful and refreshing as the juicy ripe fruit itself. And Jell-O is pleasantly inexpensive, pleasantly easy to make. So enjoy this swell treat real soon in all of Jell-O's six delicious flavors, strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Be especially sure to try strawberry, raspberry, and cherry Jell-O, because each has a new improved flavor obtained by using a natural flavor base artificially enhanced. And that means a new distinctive goodness, something really fine. Make up a luscious mold of rich, radiant Jell-O tomorrow. You begin with W, played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, once again I bring you our master of ceremonies. A man who last Sunday night refereed that famous battle of wits between the quiz kids of Chicago and the Jell-O. Hold it, Don, hold it. Mary just called up and said that Jackson won't be here tonight. Well, why not? Well, he's worried to death about his appearance on that quiz kid show next Wednesday night. He's home studying, so he'll be as smart as they are. He should live so long. You said it, Dennis. You know, them kids are mental giants. Why, even I'd be afraid to go on their program. No kidding. Well, Jack is taking this pretty seriously. I understand he even had Mary over to his house all day yesterday, asking him questions. That's all that's on his mind. The quiz kids, questions, answers, questions, answers. What a mess. I can't get over it. If my father told me once, he told me a thousand times. Go to college, learn something. But no, I had to get into Vortival. Jack, concentrate. Have you got the answer to this question yet? I can name you every Vortival theater in the country. I even know the first name of every one of Fink's mules. From Bessie to Jerome. But will they ask me that next Wednesday? No. Oh, quit beefing. Do you know the answer to this question or not? No, what is it? 1492. Holy smoke, was it that long ago? All right, Mary, ask me another one. Okay, here's an easy one. What's the Taj Mahal? An autocourt on Ventura Boulevard. Oh, for heaven's sake, the Taj Mahal is in India. And it's one of the seven wonders of the world. Oh, gee, I'm dumb. I guess I don't know anything, do I? Well, let's keep on anyway. Here's another question. Name the President of the United States whose likeness appears on a $20 bill. A $20 bill? I don't know. Well, go up and look in your mattress. Oh, stop, will ya? Say, I wonder if the quiz kids know anything about the Taj Mahal. I'll have to ask them after dinner. After dinner? Yeah, didn't I tell you, Mary? You know, I'm so nuts about those kids, I invited three of them to stay here at my house. I just couldn't let them go to a hotel. Oh, Rochester. Yes, boss. Where are the quiz kids? Well, Richard and Gerard are in the backyard discussing anthropology. Anthropology, eh? Well, did you hide in the bushes and make notes of what they said, like I told you to? Yes, sir. And say, boss. What? Did you know I'm not a Caucasian? Oh, but if they say so, it's right. Now, where's the other boy, Claude? He's in the library reading Shakespeare. Shakespeare? I'm gonna have a tough enough Wednesday night without him pulling that on me. Go in the library and see if you can mix him up. Mix him up? Yes. I tried doing it, he said, oh, fellow, don't mess around. Gazooks, I'm cooked. Well, at least find out what he's reading and I'll read the same thing. See you later. Okay, boss. Parting is such sweet songs. Get out of here. Here's a question in American history they might ask you. A lot of good that'll do. All I know is show business and vaudeville theaters. Go ahead, anyway. Uh, what city is on an island that was purchased from the Indians for $24? What city is on an island that was... let's see. I'll give you a clue. Where's the Roxy Theater? New York. New York is the answer. I got that one right. You know, Mary, I might do pretty well against those quiz kids Wednesday night. Oh, sure. All I need is a little hint now and then. A big hint would throw you. No, I don't know about that. Well, that's enough for now, Mary. I'm going to the library and talk to Claude. See you later. Let's see. The Taj Mahal is in New York and it was built in 1492. I must remember that. And then a... whoops! Rochester, what are you doing at that keyhole? Been down here, boys, and take a look at Claude. What's he doing? That boy's got Shakespeare on one hand, HD Wells on the other, and his forehead ain't even wrinkled. Well, I'm going in there and talk to him. Meanwhile, Rochester, why don't you get Richard and Gerard and take him down in the basement to see Carmichael? I better not, boys. That bear's been in the mean mood ever since he came out of hibernation last week. Oh, nonsense. Carmichael's as gentle as a lamb. Then what happened to the gas man? Will you stop worrying about the gas man? He probably went downstairs, read the meter, and walked out the basement door. Well, we know he went downstairs and we know he read the meter. Uh-huh. But walking out of that basement door would pay fantastic odds. Oh, don't be so pessimistic. Now, take Richard and Gerard down to see Carmichael. I'm going in and talk to Claude. Well, how's my little man this evening? Fine, thank you, Mr. Benny. Good, good. I see you're studying up on the immortal bard, that Shakespeare, you know. How, uh, how are you coming along? Very well. I'm memorizing Hamlet. Memorizing? Memorizing. Well, look, Claude, Claude, I want to ask a little favor of you. It's nothing much, but it might help me out. What is it, Mr. Benny? Well, when I appear on your program, I wish you and the rest of the kids would kind of take it easy and miss on a few questions. Miss? Yes. Now, I wouldn't ask you any favors, Claude, but you see, when I was a child back in Waukegan, I was kind of a poor kid, and I didn't have any books or much of an opportunity to learn anything, you know. Well, didn't they have a library in Waukegan? Yes, Claude, but you had to walk up three flights of steps to get there. I was such a weak, sickly child, I didn't have the strength to climb those steps, you know. Well, didn't you have any friends who could go to the library and get a book for you? No, Claude. Everybody hated me. They, they used to call me mouse face. So you see, so you see, Claudey boy, if you'll just, if you'll just give your Uncle Jackie a break Wednesday night, you'll be doing me a great favor. Well, I'd like to, Mr. Benny, but I'm afraid that wouldn't be ethical. We must answer the questions if we know them. All right, kid. If it's a battle you want, let's go. What's the Taj Mahal? The Taj Mahal is a white marble mausoleum which was built at Agra, India, by the Shah Jahan as a monument for his favorite wife, Mumtaz Mahal. Oh, yes, Mumtaz. It took 20,000 men 22 years to construct this tent. That's enough, Claude. You know it all right. Now, let me tell you something. As long as you're so ethical, I'm going back and study my books too. But, Mr. Benny, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You didn't, eh? Well, before I go, kid, here's one that'll stump you. Answer this. Who is the manager of the Penn Theater in Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania? Come on, come on. What's, what's his name? I'm sure. I don't know. Johnny Dalvin. That's who. Tink it over, kid. That burns me up. Invite him to the house. He can't do me one little favor. Has to be ethical. What kills me at dinner tonight, that kid will probably have four helpings of mashed potatoes. He eats like a horse. Who eats like a horse? Claude. He won't even cooperate with me. Did you pull Miles' face on him? Not only that, I had tears in my eyes. Oh, well, ask me some more questions, Mary. Okay. I got him on that Johnny Dalvin, though he should have seen his face, Mary. How best. Here's a good one, Jack. Name the states that border the Mississippi River. The Mississippi? Let's see. There's Missouri. Tennessee. Louisiana. And then there's Idaho. No, that's wrong. No, no, I know Alabama. You know, Mary, one time I played Mobile Alabama. See, and then there's Kentucky. I guess that's about all. Ask me another question. Okay. Here's one in spelling. How do you spell physiotherapy? What? Physiotherapy. Physiotherapy? Let's see. Capital F. I, Z. Never mind. Spell cat. Wait a minute. I'm not through with physiotherapy yet. I am, and I'm sick of you, too. Fine attitude. Well, I've got a headache again. Come on, Mary. Let's go out in the yard and see what Richard and Gerard are doing. Okay. Burns me up. Why'd I ever accept that invitation to go on their program? I wouldn't mind being stupid, but I've got gray hair. Oh, well, this is only Saturday. I still got four days to study. Yeah, why worry? You might get run over before Wednesday. With my luck, they'd broadcast from the hospital. Where are you going, Rochester? I'm going out in the kitchen and fix dinner. Well, did you take the children downstairs to see Carmichael? Boss, I don't think I ought to take those kids near that pole of air. Now, listen, Rochester, if you're so worried about what happened to the gas man, for goodness' sake, call up the gas company. I didn't call the gas company. What did they say? Where's the man? Oh, you're as crazy as Mr. Billingsley. Now, call us as soon as dinner is ready. I'll be with Gerard and Richard. Physiotherapy. I hope I can... Oh, there they are. See, those kids are cute. Yeah. Let's sneak over and hear what they're talking about. Every little bit helps. Say, Richard, has Mr. Benning got a nice house? He certainly has, but you know, Gerard, I think we're paying as much here as we would at a hotel. Why, Jack Benning, so that's why you put that sign out from Beverly Hills Tourist Haven. I just did that for a gag. Wow. Hello, Gerard. Richard. Hello, Mr. Benning. Are you still worrying about next Wednesday night? No, no, no. I've been studying like a little demon and I expect to be very good on your program. I hope so, Mr. Benning. We like you. We sure do. Well, that's good. You know, kids, I didn't intend to bring this up, but when I was a child, your age... Uh-uh. ...married. I had a stand on the street corner selling newspapers when I should have been in school. I mean, what chance did I have to study? Well, why didn't you read the newspapers? My...my eyes were bad. I tell you, kids, I used to stand there on the street corner barefooting. Get your paper here, I'd say. Extra. Extra. Do we take the vanilla? Oh, stop. Anyway, kids, if I miss on some of the questions Wednesday night, you miss some of them too, will you? But, Mr. Benning, we don't know what the questions are until they ask us. I know, but, Richard, whatever they do ask you, miss a few just...just as a favor to me. That wouldn't be ethical. Ethical, shmethical. That's all I hear. How would you kids like it if I raised your rent? Now, look, fellas, I don't like to get tough. Hey, Jack, look who's coming. Oh, yeah. Pardon me, kid. Uh, good evening, Mr. Billingsley. Good evening, Mr. Benny, playing with the kitties, I see. Yes, yes, we're having a lot of fun. They're adorable, a little rascal. Very brilliant, too. Yes, I know. I asked one of them to look at my watch this morning and he told me the exact time. Your watch? Well, what's so difficult about that? The hands have mittens on them. Oh, I see. Well, look, Mr. Billingsley, if the hands are covered, how do you tell time? Oh, I always go by the stars. You can't miss that way. The stars? Well, that's a good system at night, but what do you do during the day? I'm a busboy at the Brown Derby. Oh, hmm. Well, I can see we're not getting any play, but we'll just discuss this later. Shall we, Mr. Billingsley? Yes. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye. Oh, I wouldn't dare. I can't understand that guy. Now, kids, getting back to the... Hey, boss, dinner's ready. Okay, Rochester, go get Claude. Come on, Mary, come on, Richard, Gerard. Oh, boy, food. Gee, I'm hungry. Well, we've got a nice dinner prepared for you, roast duck and everything. You know, kids, there was one thing I forgot to tell you about my childhood. You know, there was a public library in my hometown, but you had to climb three flights of steps to get there. And I was so weak and frail that as much as I wanted an education. Gee, I'm full. Well, kids, didn't Uncle Jackie give you a nice dinner tonight? Yes, Mr. Benny. I'm glad you liked it. I certainly enjoyed that, Marilla Calaris. Oh, it was simple. I beg your pardon. Marilla Calaris. What's that, Gerard? That's the Latin word for duck. Oh, oh, the roast duck. The Latin word. Yes, it was delicious. I thought the mash's potatoes were a little too lumpy. Mary, don't be funny. Well, kids, Uncle Jackie's pretty tired from studying all day, so if you don't mind, I think I'll go up to bed. See you in the morning, everybody. Oh, Mr. Benny, do you want me to tell you a story again tonight? No. No, no. Thank you, Richard. Thank you. I'll fall asleep all right. Well, good night, kids. Good night, Mr. Benny. Good night, Mary. Good night, Jack, and for heaven's sake, stop worrying. I'm not worried. Say, Rochester, go upstairs and turn down my bed, will you? Okay, boss. I'll answer the door. Marilla Calaris. Amazing how that little child knew that. Good evening. Good evening. Say, Mr., my wife and I like to rent a room. A room? Yes, we were driving by and saw your sign. We're on our honeymoon. Oh, that sign, Beverly Hills Tourism. Well, I just put that up for a gag. I really have no rooms for rent. Show them the license, Homer. Oh, no, no, no, no. I, uh... No, I really haven't any vacancies. I'm sorry. Okay, come on, Sam. Sam, I must be short for blanche. Well, am I as well hit the hay? Now, let's see. Physiotherapy is the Latin word for duck. No, that's not it. Oh, well, I'll probably think of it in the morning. Well, good night, Rochester. Tomorrow's Sunday, and it's my busy day, so wake me up early, will you? Yes, sir. Boy, am I tired. Been a tough day for me, all right. His bed feels good. Wonder if I ought to look now and see whose picture is on a $20 bill. No, I'll wait till morning. You better take your clothes off, boss. You're liable to fall asleep that way. I'll just rest for a few minutes and take them off later. Good night, Rochester. Good night, boss. I left your tin strap on the dresser. Thanks. Oh, boy, am I all in. Questions, answers. I don't know why I ever got into this bed. Taj Mahal. Imagine it took 22 men, 20,000 years to build it. No, that can't be it. Must have been 20,000 men. Can't get over that little kid knowing all about physiotherapy. I never saw a kid with silver. Quiz kids, presented every Wednesday night by the makers of Alka self, sir. Gee, look at all those people. Well, just have to do the best I can. I will now call the roll. Jackie? I am Jackie Benny. I am nine years old. And I attend the Taj Mahal School in Wilkes Bear, Pennsylvania. I'm ready, sir. William? I am William Shakespeare. I am seven years old. And I go to the King Lear School in Hamlet, Indiana. Shakespeare? Gee, he ought to know all about Shakespeare. What chance have I got? Isaac? I am Sir Isaac Newton. I am four years old. And I discovered the law of gravy. That's gravity. Hey, Mr. Phil got that wrong. I mean Sir Isaac. Gee, he looks like Phil. And now, lady? I am Lady Godiva. Lady Godiva? I am Faye Meadows. Oh, boy. I pity the horse. Well, let's get going with the question. Did Uncle Jackie give you a nice dinner tonight? Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mr. Benny. Yes, Mr. Benny. The score is now Quiz Kids 1492, Benny Nothing. Gee, I better get going here. Now, William Shakespeare. Yes, sir. And it's the quotation, to be or not to be. Hey, I know that one. But I haven't any bacon groomed. Show him the license, Homer. To be or not to be. To be or not to be, that is the question. And the answer is Jello, America's favorite gelatin dessert. That's Don. Don Wilson. It is not only economical and easy to make, but comes in six delicious flavors. What's that? Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and morella calaris. Gee, that must be the Latin word for lime. So look for the big red letters on the duck. Tarnus, that's another question I missed. Hey, mister, ask me something. I know lots of answers. All right, Jack Benny. Here's a question for you. Gee, if you had a farm of 22,000 acres, and on this farm you planted library steps. Library steps? Yes. And each of these farmers had three sons, but the fifth son could only work every eighth day. And the seventh... Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now here's the question. How wide is the river? What river? The Taj Mahal. Taj Mahal. What are you talking about? Are you crazy? Who are you? I am the gas man. I am 32 years old, and I'm wearing a white fur coat. Oh, my goodness. He's inside a car, Michael. Correct. One point for Rochester Van Jones. You keep out of this. Come on, Jackie. Are you going to answer the question or not? How wide is the river? 22,000 acres of library steps. I've got to find the prime factor in the least common multiple. Well... Do you know the answer or not? Give me a chance, will you? Let him have it. Chief will feed it out of him. I'll get it. I'll get it. You better get it or you'll get the electric chair. The electric chair? No, no. I didn't do it. I tell you. I didn't do it. The electric chair? Mary, what are you laughing at? Who discovered electricity? Benjamin Franklin, but I'm sorry. Hey, Mr. I've got the answer. The river is... Take it easy, Sam. I know. I know the width of that river. The river is... He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Mouse face, mouse face. Mouse face, mouse face. These fellas, give me a chance. Wrap him down, men. Oh, with these heads. Let me out of here. Let me out of this chair. I know the answer. The river... Well, gee whist. Wow, what I had just been through. You know, Rochester, I just dreamt I was in the quiz kids program and I didn't know the answers. Did you have to dream that? Well, thank heaven it was only a dream. Hand me that chin strap, Rochester. I want to look nice for my new picture. Here you are. Good night, boss. Good night, Rochester. The general food's new dessert recipe book. How about the very first thing you'll say is what a beauty, because it certainly is one of the most attractive books you ever saw. Just take the cover itself. Front and back, it's one big beautiful picture showing almost two dozen different luscious desserts in a vivid pattern of reds, blues, yellow, pinks and every other color you can think of. And when you look inside this lovely book, you'll be practically dazzled by the sight of so many rich glowing color photographs and paintings. And then you'll see that the whole book is crowded with what strikes you as the world's cleverest and most enticing recipes. Recipes for every dessert under the sun, pies, cakes, cookies, bavarians, ice creams, and well, just simply everything. 365 different dessert recipes and suggestions of all kinds, a brand new dessert for every day in the year. So friends, be sure to write for your copy. All you have to do is mail 10 cents in corner stamps to Don Wilson, care of General Foods Battle Creek, Michigan. That's all, just 10 cents. And remember the address, Don Wilson, care of General Foods Battle Creek, Michigan. Send for your copy today. Wait a minute, Frank. Frank Bingham, what's all this hurry about? Is there a circus in town? Well, it is circus time, Don. But what I'm telling the folks to hurry about is to hurry and try jello puddings, those new creamy, ready-prepared puddings that bear the jello name. Like jello, jello puddings are tops for quality and unsurpassed for rich, delightful flavor. And like jello, jello puddings are easy to make. To prepare them, you simply add milk, cook until thickened, and then cool. And what a grand, mellow flavor. Jello puddings sell for the same low cost as jello, too. And you can have your choice of three flavors, chocolate, vanilla, and butterscotch. Start in tomorrow to enjoy the tempting goodness of smooth, creamy jello puddings. Remember when you go to your grocers for jello, be sure to get jello puddings. Hurry, hurry, hurry, hurry. This is the last number of the 28th program in the current jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Now I want to take this opportunity of thanking the makers of Alka Seltzer, Lewis Count, and the quiz kids for their splendid cooperation on tonight's program. And folks, if you think I had a nightmare tonight, listen in Wednesday. Those kids will m- This is the National Broadcasting Company. Thank you very much.