 Good, right? Ah, secret meeting begins. Hello. Why are you sad like that? Well, after the many years of epic stunts I've done in my time, it's important that I keep my spine in tip-top perfect condition. I've literally had tea with your stunt bubble. So, per- No! No! Doctor. There you go. What would you like? Right, this being our third meeting about all this mollusk, we have discussed and come to the conclusion that Colin is our common enemy. But right now, we need to put him to one side, because we do kind of need to think about what we can do about this crack business. And ideally, before you... God's sake! Perfect! Stop the polarity, Jesus! Right up, no, hello. Back to normal, hello. I was talking about the crack. So, we were talking about crack, where you... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, well, I'm glad you came to me about this as soon as possible, Trouton. Keep this quiet, we'll sort it out, otherwise we'll be sent to rehab faster than Delgado was. No, I was not talking about that crack. No, no, no, I understand, no need to explain. Sometimes we all like the idea of things coursing through our veins. It's understandable. Earth, are you on about? Not a clue. Sounded good though. Wonderful. Masterful? That big finish-hunting-home drama? Oh, clean out those big old ears. I said wonderful, not masterful. To be bloody obvious. What's wrong with you today talking about crack and all this bollocks? I don't understand. The master! He's dressed him back, he's the master! Will that joke ever die? Er, to quote Capaldi... No, we'll get you back on track if we can, away from references and doing drugs. If we can't find out a way of dealing with this crack, we need to find someone who can. Otherwise, Colin stays in power, which is bollocaking for both of us. And more importantly, I'm still fired. I never knew what that was like until now. Yes, I'm still very sorry about that. Hey! Whatever, I'll let that one slide. What slide? Oh, fuck. Doctor. Why wouldn't the Brigadier or you tell us about these things anyway? I mean, if we get involved, we literally double their intelligence. Half more like. Are you incapable of not making references today? But you made a reference just then! Yes, well, I figured none of the viewers will understand it. Hello. If only there was a way of testing. Who had the best subtle reference skills? Oh, I know. What have we called Joe Over? Then she can see if she can... I've got an idea. Why don't we invite Joe Over to see who's the best at hiding references from her? God! Clever! Yes, that's a good idea, Doctor. Yes, very clever. Hello, lovely to hear from you. I was just wondering. Do you really want to invite Joe Over? Because of... Tin? Jack Black. Jack Black? No, sorry, of course not. I mean... Oh, the crack! The crack, the anomaly. Yes! Oh my God, yes, of course! Oh, we could have such a fun meeting, filled with graphs and analytics and statistics. Oh, I thought I was the only one working on this. Good to hear from you all. How did you get Jack Black from Captain Jack, you piss head? When did all our character development go from the three doctors? I thought my now would be a dirty... You want to work well together, do you? Right. You know that Smash Dogs, it's finished. I'm not doing the Smashy Dogs anymore. Courage is not just a matter of being frightened. It's being frightened and doing what you've got to do anyway. Subtle dandy. Right. You wanted to talk about the anomalies. Well, the way I see it, if you just reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, it'll sort anything out. Oh, yes, I've meaning to ask you, John, Pertwee, Doctor, whatever. What does that mean? You never said... And I never will. Yeah, right. Okay, so this is literally what I've been told to tell you. It first appeared the day of the series 12 party. It showed up randomly over the next few months, and as you know, Doctor, we've never got a visual. Just things on the computer. Things. I'm confused. Just either watch our mini sketch or ask Jack. Right, moving on. It showed up properly when Colin opened it up. You're in the whole let's sing songs fiasco. It was actually quite fun. Sylvester in Ace was my pick. Hold on, hold on. Because I've got two things to say to you, Joe. Number one. Fuck you, my song is better. You heard me do them. Anyway, number two. What is it? Something finally insightful? The straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting. You know, uh... After Mrs. Moore, and you finally thank you giving me credit to the Brigadier. I thought... I thought you'd finally learned something. You're still being stupid and weird, and I don't understand it. Why am I even here? Are you talking about some other type of crack? Oh my word. That's exactly what I thought. If I had my recorder, I'd play it encouraging little tune. See, I'm not going mad. He does talk like he's on crack, doesn't he? Tear of laughter, Trouton. Oh, moving on. Geez. The next time it showed up was on the switch when your new lot got sucked in. Well, not you two. Yeah. You all got sucked in. You started fighting each other or something. Then the last time it showed up was with Kapoleon Davison. And they decided to open it up to send a toy we'd be angels through. That's pretty cool, isn't it? I think... Joe, I think this is all rather simple. He is me, and I am he. I think we should go and crack this on the nut, since Unit can't seem to be bothered to. I'm not going to deny it's something I've been considering. Um... I don't want to go. Did you really just do that? Do what? I'm asking the questions here. That wasn't a question, that was a statement. Is it Unit keeping all this shit a secret? Is it a disgrace? Can you keep it a secret if they downplay it in somewhere? And I knew damn well you wouldn't be trying to make references the whole time, so... See you, Arsels. You know, if you didn't say I don't want to go, she would never have sussed that. Oh, no, no, no. You gave the game away by talking about straight lines not being straight or whatever rubbish you were doubting all about. We both lose. That's it! Bye, Doctor! But I said Doctor. Smith, Doctor John Smith. Can we stop now? Yes. We best go apologise to Joe right away. I don't know. I'll do it. Fuck off, you will.