 J-E-C-L-L-O! The Jell-O program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly, Don Wilson. The orchestra opens a program with, it's a whole new thing. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the age of research, so we've been doing a little research on the subject of Jell-O. Well, we found out that the best days of the week to serve Jell-O are Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, which is just another way of saying that Jell-O is always, any time and every time, a perfectly swell dessert, for Jell-O brings you that full extra-rich flavor. The flavor is fresh and sunny as the real ripe fruit itself, and all six of Jell-O's famous flavors have the same rich goodness. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime, a grand, satisfying flavor that is made Jell-O, America's favorite Jell-Oton dessert. And you like Jell-O's gay, appetizing appearance, too. It's shimmering, jewel-like colors that make it look so inviting. So enjoy some tomorrow. Just be sure to get genuine Jell-O and don't accept any substitutes. Look for those big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O. It was, it's a whole new thing played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, once again, we bring you our master of ceremonies. That bubbling personality, that effervescent comedian, that fizz, Jack Benny. Now, Jell-O again, this is Jack Benny, the carbonated kid talking, and Don, I like that introduction. It fits me to a T. I am bubbling and effervescent. The fizz you can have back. Well, Jack, let me explain. When I called you a fizz, it was really a compliment. I meant you were physical. You know fizz for short. I understand, Don, perfectly. In other words, if you called me a mug, you'd really mean I was magnificent. Is that it? Exactly. Well, Don, if you think I fell for that, you're a fathead, and that's short for your whole body. Anyway, Don, let's not get into a routine, because I know how you appreciate a good story, and I heard a gag a few minutes ago that will positively put every one of your chins in motion. Oh, yeah, it's a honey. It's a good one, huh? Well, Virgil, the sound man, told it to me, and you know what a clown he is. Get this, Don. Don, I haven't even told you the story yet. What are you laughing at? Is it the one about the near-sighted old maid that buried the midget? No, heavens, no, Don. Heaven's not that one. This is a brand new story. Get this. There was a fellow walking down the street, and he was leading a pink alligator on a leash. When all of a sudden, it started to act up and snap at him. So the guy got annoyed, turned around to this pink alligator, and said, you better behave yourself, or I'll take a bromo seltzer, and that'll be the end of you. Oh, isn't that terrific, Don? Oh, it sure is. That Virgil has a great sense of humor. Gee, that was a funny story, Mr. Benny. Oh, Dennis, I didn't see it. Did you like it? Yeah. But there's one thing that puzzles me. What? If the man was walking down the street, where did he get the bromo seltzer? Well, I don't know. He probably had a box of it in his pocket. Oh, then I guess he had a glass of water in his other pocket. Yes, Dennis, and a banjo on his knee. Now, don't worry about it. Say, you're here kind of early tonight, Dennis. Where's your mother? She's across the street in the bowling alley. In the bowling alley? Well, with her legs, she better watch out. Anyway, Dennis, I'm glad you're here on time tonight. Now, try and make a habit of it. You know, Jack, I can't get over that story, you told me. It's silly, but I get a great kick out of it. Isn't it ridiculous? Oh, hello, Mary. Hello, Jack. What's so funny? Mary, I must tell you, did you hear the story about the fella that was walking down the street, beating a pink alligator on a leash? Is that the one when the man said, I'll take a bromo seltzer, and that'll be the end of you? Yes. No, tell it to me. Well, this guy was... Wait, you just told me the answer. I thought you said you never heard it. Oh, stop, Jack. That's one of the oldest jokes in the world. Mary, jokes happen to be my business. If that was the oldest joke in the world, I'd be the first one to know it. Should I let him have it, folks? Never mind. Do me a favor, will you, Mary? Go out and come back in again. Well, gee, Jack, as long as you're telling jokes, why don't you tell a good one? I heard a gag last night that was terrific. Oh, you did, eh? Yeah. A man walked into the house and said to his wife, it's raining cats and dogs outside. Uh-huh. And she said, how do you know? And he said, I just stepped in a poodle. I just stepped in a poodle. I know where you heard that, Mary, at the Wilshire Bowl. Phil Harris has been husking that for three years. That's his theme, Joe. You know, Don, Phil's idea of humor is really pitiful. Oh, I don't know about that, Jack. I was at the bowl one night, and the people screamed at him. Every time he finishes a gag, he has a waiter throw a custard pie in his face. That's why. I didn't see anybody do that. Oh, well, you must have been their bucket of water night. That's his idea of changing material. Well, I'll say one thing about Phil. He sure attracts the young collegiate crowd. All the college boys go there. They have to go there, Mary. That's part of their initiation. Before they can join a fraternity, they have to either listen to Harris or sleep all night in a graveyard. In a graveyard? Yes, and you'll be surprised at the number of kids around here that aren't afraid of ghosts. Yes, sir. You know, Jack, Phil sure believes in that college spirit. Look at that sign on the bass drum. Oh, yeah. Phil Harris and his collegians. Look, he spells collegians with one L. Well, he spells Phil with two, so it's all even. You know, Mary, sometimes I think that Phil... Jiggers. Here he comes now. Don't jiggers me. Now, hello, Phil. Hiya, Jackson. What's going on? Well, to tell the truth, Phil, for the last five minutes we've been talking about you. Well, a little buildup ain't ever hurt nobody. No, Phil, I've never done you no good, either. Your grammar's worse than Abe Lyman's and he never got beyond blocks. Well, who cares about grammar? I got other things to worry about. Oh, I can imagine. Say, Phil, I noticed that new sign you got on the bass drum. What happened to that corny painting you used to have there? Corny? Yeah, you know the one with the yellow moon and the green river and the purple trees. Remember that one, Mary? Yeah, he used to call it Dipsy Doodle by Rembrandt. That's a while. Whatever happened to that painting, Phil? I sold it to the Metropolitan Museum in New York. You mean the Museum of Fine Arts? I don't know what they got there, but that's the joint that bought it. Phil, are you crazy? Crazy nothing. Someday that picture will be hanging in Paris right next to the Mona Lulu. Well, I'm not going to even bother to correct that. How do you like that, Mary? The most famous painting of a woman in the world and Phil doesn't even know her name. If she were alive, he'd know her name and phone number. And her address and what she's doing on Friday night. Well, I got myself on a detour for no reason at all. And besides... Say, Jack, why don't you tell Phil that story of the Soundman episodes? He'll get a kick out of it. Oh, he wouldn't even get it. Come on, Jackson, what is it? Let's hear it. All right, Phil. Do you know the one about the fellow who was walking down the street and his pink alligator snapped at him? Know it. I'm the guy that drank the Bromo. There you are, fellas. He's always got a brilliant comeback, even if he has to make a bum out of himself. Oh, Dennis. Yes, please? Uh, how about a... How about a song before we get involved again? Okay, Mr. Benny. I'm going to sing an old favorite by Stephen Foster called Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair. Oh, that's swell, Dennis. I love those old songs. Old songs, old gags. What this program needs is glands. Mary, you just attend to your own little knitting. I'll handle the show. Sing, Dennis, the guy that drank the Bromo. Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair. Born like a face plane. Happy as a day. Hair sung by Dennis Day. And, Dennis, those old songs always do something to me. I love them. Me, too. Jeannie with the Light Brown Hair. What a grand title. You know, Dennis, I used to have Light Brown Hair and my hair. Why, Jack, from the pictures I've seen of you, I thought you had black hair. No, Donna, it was brown. Sort of a russet brown. No, just like the leaves in autumn. Well, rake them up and let's get on with the show. Mary, I wish you'd stop with those interruptions. Anyway, Dennis, Dennis, I noticed another thing. Your singing seems to improve every week. You're gaining poise and confidence. Well, thanks, Mr. Benny. Just think this is your seventh week on my program. Seven weeks. Gee. Yes, sir. Am I going to get paid pretty soon? Pretty soon, Dennis. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are going to... Hey, Jackson, why don't you pay the kid? Bill, I intend to pay him. I'm merely holding his salary until he's a little older. I'm teaching Dennis how to save money. Well, he's learning from the top man. Thanks, Ms. Livingston. And, if I were you, I wouldn't say another word, unless you rub it up on the Lumman Abner program. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are going to... Here you are, Dennis. Did you sing your song yet? Yes, Mother. Well, good evening, Mrs. Day. Good evening. Hmm. Well, you should have been here a few minutes ago. Mr. Benny told a funniest joke. It was rather good. Tell it to her, Dennis. Well, Mr. Benny was walking down the street leading a pink alligator. Oh, stewed, eh? Stewed. It wasn't me, Mrs. Day. Dennis got the story all wrong. I never touch a drop of liquor. Then why have you got that red nose? Because I'm a comedian. What do you think? My tie lights up, too. This story, Mrs. Day, is about a man who takes a bromo cell cell and gets rid of a pink alligator. What about this? Nothing. It's very sad. I'm crying like anything. Oh, what a dame. What's that? I said, oh, what a game. I saw UCLA play Santa Clara yesterday. It was thrilling. And now, ladies and gentlemen, if you will please forgive my outburst, as I started to announce, tonight we are going to offer an original little playlet all about Thanksgiving, written especially for the occasion by Mary Livingston. Mary, let me have it, will you? Oh, Jack, I forgot to tell you. What? I changed my mind about a Thanksgiving play, and I wrote a poem instead. A poem? Hey, Mary, you mean to say we're not going to do a Thanksgiving play? No. Gee, and I was all set to be one of them pilgrims. Oh, fine. You'd make a great pilgrim, Phil. Well, I would. Listen, buddy, my ancestors came over on the Mayflower. Oh, did a dock in Dixie? I thought your family always lived in Tennessee. Not originally. You see, we migratated from Massachusetts. Migratated? You don't by any chance mean you migrated? All right, we move. Forget it. Migratated. Did you hear that, Mary? Yeah, he put in an extra solulable in it. You're not palooly. Ladies and gentlemen, before we get out of the mood, let me say a few words about Gilello. Gilello? It is economical, easy to make, and comes in six delicious flablavers. So look for the big red lethettas on the barats. Thanks, Don. You surveyed the day. And now, ladies and gentlemen, as we have no Thanksgiving play, Mary Livingston's going to read a Thanksgiving poem. Oh, no, nothing to do with it. Oh, gee, it's swell, Jack. I don't care. You're not going to read it. Jack, Benny, you let me read this poem, or I won't buy my Christmas cards from you this year. All right, a lot I make on the ones you get. You don't even have your name printed on them. Now, go ahead with your poem. Okay. What's the title of it? The title is Thanksgiving. You're a little mixed up, aren't you, kid? That fits. Go ahead. Oh, Thanksgiving. Oh, Thanksgiving. You are with us twice this year, with your pumpkin pie and dressing and your turkey front and rear. That's the part I always get. The pilgrims planned in days of yore that you'd come once, not anymore. But now you are a double feature and we don't know which day to greet you. Greet you? That's what I said, you gorgeous creature. Now, don't be funny. Go ahead with a poem. Suppose we had two everything, two New Year's Eve's to laugh and sing, two Christmases, two labor days, and two Jack Benny's with two two pays. Mary, you're two two pressing. Are you through? No, but I'm coming into the stretch. So Thanksgiving I don't mind if you're a week before or a week behind. What's the difference? What the heck? The turkey's the guy that gets it in the neck. The end. Mary, that was silly, but you came through with flying colors. And now, Phil, how about a number to kind of break things up here? Okay, Jackson, what do you want us to play? Anything special? Well, you name it and we'll play it. All right, how about that number you rehearsed all morning? You know, the only one you can possibly play. Oh, okay. Hit it, boys. He asked for a request yet. Hold on a minute, Phil. Come in. Mr. Benny? Yes. Are you a little mixed up at the Thanksgiving's this year? Yes, I am. Why? I was in a fog when we only had one. Goodbye. He's not kidding, folks. He's got his shoes on backwards. Play, Phil. Very being a swing version of an old favorite played by Phil Harris and his orchestra. And now, fellas... Hey, what's the matter? Aren't you going to complain about the number we just played? No, Phil. I thought it was pretty good. I liked it. Didn't you, Mary? Yeah, it was swell. Did you like it, Don? I thought it was okay. How'd you like it, Jack? All was great. How'd you like Phil's number, Mary? Well, I thought it was a little loud in spots, didn't you, Don? Yes, it seemed a little off here and there. What did you think of it, Jack? I thought it was lousy. And now, fellas... Hey, what is this? A rib? Yes, Phil, we were just kidding. I thought your number sounded exceptionally good. Didn't you, Mary? Steal me out. I'm tired. Now, fellas, as I started to say a little while ago, and before I forget it, Thursday being Thanksgiving, I want all of you to come over to my house for a real old-fashioned turkey dinner. How about it? Oh, that's great, Jack. We'll be there with God. Dennis, this invitation goes for you also. His mother, too? Yes, Mrs. Day. My party wouldn't be complete without you. You don't sound very sincere about it. Well, what do you want me to do? Send you a mash note? Glad to have you, the more the merrier. Good heavens. Say, Jack, is this party going to be like the one you gave last Thanksgiving? What do you mean? I mean, is the turkey going to be leg a lamb? Don't worry about that, Mary. This is going to be a real dinner. I've got the biggest, fattest, juiciest turkey you ever saw. Where'd you run over it? I didn't run over it. It's a live turkey. I got it in my garage right now. It's roosting on my Maxwell. That's all I car need. Now, you wait until you see that bird. I better weigh 65 pounds. 65 pounds? Why, Jack, you must be mistaken about that. Oh, no, I'm not, Don. On the scale, it's an enormous thing. 65 pounds? Are you kidding? I'm not kidding. Wait until next Thursday and you'll see for yourself. It's got to be a swell party. How many people are you expecting, Jack? Well, there'll be our gang, and then I invited Clark Gable and Carol Lombard, Bob Taylor and Barbara Stanwyck, Tyrone Power and Annabella. Oh, Jack, you always ask them to every party you give, and they never show up. Well? Why don't you stop inviting them? I can't stop now. They'll think I'm mad at them. You know how it is. How can they be mad at you when they don't even know them? I don't even know them. Listen, Phil, I know every one of those stars personally. Sure, Jack sells them their Christmas cards. Mary, will you stop harping on that? The only reason you ever got cards for me is because I happen to have some left over. Every year. Oh, quiet. Now, don't forget, fellas, Thursday night at my house. Oh, wait a minute, Jack, you know that. Boy, we're going to have a big turkey and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes, and Don, guess what kind of jello we're going to have for dessert? Strawberry? No. Raspberry? No. Cherry? No. Lemon? No. Give up? Yes. Lies. You see, Don, you almost had it. There's a kindergarten commercial if I ever heard one. Never mind. That's what we're going to have. Now, look, kids, if I don't see you again before Thanksgiving, be sure and be at my house by 7 o'clock sharp, and don't eat a big lunch so you'll really enjoy the turkey. I'll take it. Hello? Hello, Mr. Penny. This is Rochester. All right. What do you want? I just heard you're talking about a big Thanksgiving party Thursday night. That's my night off. I'm sorry, Rochester, but you'll have to work. You can take a day off some other time. I can get my twin brother to take my place. I don't want your twin brother. Well, he looks just like me. I don't care if he does. I want you to be at my house on Thursday night. How about me in spirit and my brother in person? Rochester, don't try any tricks. I can tell the difference between you and your twin brother. That's more than a gal, Ken. Never mind. I'll look, Rochester. I want you to get that turkey up to 70 pounds by Thanksgiving so go out in the garage and feed it. I'm working on a Christmas card. They can wait. Now go out in the garage and feed the turkey. Okay. Oh, say, boss, I meant to ask you something about that bird. Are you sure it's a turkey? What do you mean, am I sure it's a turkey? Well, I went out in the garage a few minutes ago and she lay the egg as big as a cantaloupe. As big as a cantaloupe? What are you talking about? Not only that, but every time I go in there, she sticks her head in the bucket of sand. What? Boss, you bought an ostrich. I bought an ostrich? That's right. She just ate the headlights off your car. The headlights? How do you know? She had two Adam's apples and they were going down fast. It's all your fault, Rochester. You were with me when I went shopping for a turkey. Why did you let me buy an ostrich? I told you it was a pretty big bird for the money, but you know you. Well, I guess there's nothing we can do about it now. Isn't that awful? I got a polar bear in the guest room and an ostrich in the garage. And mice in the pantry, let's move out. Now don't get panicky, Rochester. I'll be home in a few minutes. Meanwhile, call up the market and order a turkey. Okay. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say boss. What? Have you changed your mind about using my twin brother Thursday night? No, I haven't. Well, I'll figure out something. Goodbye. Wait a minute. Rochester. Rochester. What's the matter, Jack? Plenty. That big turkey I bought turned out to be an ostrich. Oh, boy. You're going to be lonesome on Thanksgiving. I am not. Now, Mary, don't worry. We're going to have a swell dinner. Play, Phil. I wonder if you can eat an ostrich. I don't know. This year, some folks are celebrating Thanksgiving on the 23rd of the month. Others on the 30th. Well, either way, I'd like to offer a suggestion in regard to your holiday menu. For dinner, of course, there'll be plum pudding or pumpkin pie. But later on in the evening, when supper time comes, bring the day's feasting to a fitting close with the truly out of the ordinary dessert, a shimmering dish of golden lemon jello. Now, there's really a luscious-looking dessert, ladies and gentlemen, a grand treat full of the ripe, tingling flavor of juicy lemons fresh from the tree and glowing with a warm color of sunshine. And you can serve it in shapely molds garnished with fruit, nuts, and maraschino cherries. Or it can be sliced into dainty cubes, tumbled into parfait glasses and topped with snowy whipped cream. Either way, it adds up to a mighty slick dessert that will catch every eye and capture every taste. And that goes for all the rest of jello's six delicious flavors. Strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Jello, remember, is a light dessert. Just the thing to appeal after a heavy midday meal. And it's quick and easy to make and mother will appreciate it. After working or cooking a big Thanksgiving dinner, so order genuine jello from your grocer tomorrow. The last number of the seventh program in the current jello series, and we will be with you again next Sunday night at the same time. Now don't forget, Mary, next Thursday night at my house for a real Thanksgiving dinner. Count me out, Jack. Now wait a minute, I'm not going to serve that ostrich. I'm going to have a turkey. Oh, you are, eh? Yes. Well, if I find a headlight in the dressing, watch out. Oh, don't worry. Good night, folks, and a happy Thanksgiving. J.T. Cowbells. Here's news. Every Tuesday night, the Aldridge family is on the air, starring Ezra Stone as Henry Aldridge, that lovable hard luck kid. Consult your local newspaper or radio guide for time and stations, and be sure to tune in on the Aldridge family next Tuesday night. Bluebirds and the Moonlight is from Gulliver's Travel. This is the national broadcasting company.