 And now, around the world, the Jack Benny program. Benny with Mary Livingston, Rochester, Dennis Day, Bob Crosby, and you're surely not welcome. Ladies and gentlemen, last night was a big night in Hollywood. The occasion was a special showing of Sam Goldwyn's Academy Award winning classic, The Best Years of Our Lives, which is currently being reissued. Naturally, all the important stars in Hollywood received invitations to attend the Scala affair. And while all this was going on, where was our little star? Rochester, hammy my pajamas. I'm going to bed. Just turn out the light and I'll go to sleep. Don't you want me to read to you like I always do? Well, yes, pick up one of those trade papers. I have the variety of the reporter of the Wall Street Journalism. OK, I'll read variety. OK. Now, let's see. Say, boss, look what it says. What? Tonight at the Academy Theater, there will be a special showing of Sam Goldwyn's Best Years of Our Lives. I know. I know. It's a reissue. It says all the big stars in Hollywood have been invited to attend. Yes, I know. Didn't they mail you an invitation? Well, frankly, I don't know whether they did or not. Anyway, who wants to go to those special Hollywood showings? You always see the same people. Lauren Bacall will be there with Humphrey Bogart. June Allison will be there with Dick Powell. Jia Jia Gabor will be there with Jerry Giesler. Yeah, I'm glad I'm not going. But gee, I've known Sam Goldwyn so long, I can't understand why he didn't invite me. Yeah, he can't have anything against you. You never made a picture for him. Yeah, but let me tell you something. If I got a phone call right now inviting me, I wouldn't even... I'll get it. I'll get it. Hello? Is this Sam's Meat Market? No, it isn't. Who was it, boss? Some guy wanted Sam's Meat Market. Sam's Meat Market? That's the new place down on the corner. They're having a big opening tonight. They are? Didn't you get an invitation to that, Ely? I wouldn't go if I did. Right, I'm going to bed, so turn out the lights. I got it. Hello? Hello, Jack. This is Mary. Oh, hello, Mary. I'm glad I caught you. I thought maybe you'd already left to see the special showing of best years of our lives. No, Mary. I was supposed to go, but I don't know. When you've been a star as long as I had, you don't get excited about those things. Gee, and I thought we could go together. No, Mary. I'm ready for bed. Oh, that's too bad. I have two tickets. What? What? What did you say, Mary? What? What did you say? I said I got two tickets to the picture. Mary, just because you got invited, you don't have to be so nervous about it. Look, I was ready for bed, but I wouldn't let you down. So while I get dressed, you jump in the cab and pick me up in 10 minutes. Okay, Jack. I may be a few minutes late. I want to stop off at the florist and get a corsage. Oh, good, good. Why are you there? Get one for yourself, too. I mean, come over as soon as you can. Goodbye. Hey, Rochester. Rochester, I'm going to the opening. I knew Sam wouldn't let you down. Not the meat market. Stop jabbering and help me dress. Hello, Jack. The door was open so I came right in. Oh, hello, Bob. You going somewhere? Oh, yeah, I promised Mary I'd take her to a store. I'm going to the store. I'm going to the store. Oh, hello, Bob. You going somewhere? Oh, yeah, I promised Mary I'd take her to a special showing of the best years of our lives. Now, pardon me while I get dressed. Well, I'll help you, Jack. While you're putting on your shirt, I'll button your shoes. Thanks. Oh, Rochester, hand me my wing collar, will you please? Yes, sir. Uh-oh. What's the matter? You wear a size 15 and a half collar and this is only a size 14. Oh, that's all right. We can make it work. Put it on. Okay. Here's the collar button. Now, hold still. Boy, this collar's really stiff. Just a minute now. There. I got it. How's that, boss? I guess it's all right, but it's so tight I can hardly... Oh, darn it. It slipped off the collar button. Try it again, Rochester. Boss, this collar's pretty tight for you. Well, pull it harder. I'm getting it. Hold still. There. Gosh, this collar's so tight I can hardly breathe. Bob, how do I look? Like Herbert Hoover with a sunburn. Don't be so funny. All I have to do is snap on this bow tie and I'll be on my... Darn it, there it goes again. Rochester, where's my bow tie? I'll go into the window and hit it from campus ground up. Well, get me another one. Hey, Jack, do you mind if I turn on the radio while you're getting dressed? No, go ahead, Bob. Let's see. I think I'd better get a fresh handkerchief. Hey, that's a pretty catchy tune there. Funny coincidence, Jack, but I just did this song on my TV show this afternoon. Jesus, shame I missed it. I'd like to have heard it. Well, I can sing it for you right now. Okay, go ahead, Bob. Heart of my heart, I love that melody Heart of my heart, brings back a memory When we were kids on the corner of the street We were rough and ready guys But oh how we could harmonize Remember? Heart of my heart, and friends were dear then Too bad we had to part I know it here would listen If once more I could listen To that gang that sang Heart of my heart Heart of my heart, melody Heart of my heart, brings back a memory When we were kids on the corner of the street We were rough and ready guys But oh how we could harmonize Remember? Heart of my heart, and friends were dear then Too bad we had to part I know it here would listen If once more I could listen To that gang that sang Heart of my heart Heart of my heart Nice song, Bob. Well guys, thank you, Jack. I think I'd better be running along. Well by the way, Jack, if you're not going Anyplace else after the show, Why don't you take Mary down to the Senate Grill Where Franklin Ramley's band is? No, no, I think I'll be too tired. Oh, well, I'll be going over there tonight And we might have a lot of laughs. I bet that Mary would enjoy it. Probably, Bob, but she ought to get to bed early too After all, we have a rehearsal tomorrow And a hard day ahead of us And we all ought to get a good night's sleep. Well, okay, but the only reason I mentioned it Is because the manager of the Roosevelt Hotel called me And he said that since Frank Ramley works on your program He'd like to have us all as his guests Well, make sure you get us a ringside table I'll see you later Hey, that must be Mary Coming, coming, Mary See you later, Bob Hey, this must be the theater The best years of our lives Starring Frederick March, Myrna Loy, Dana Andrews, and Theresa Wright Look at all the lights Hey, y'all, folks, the Academy Theater Come on, Mary How much is that driver? A dollar sixty Oh, darn it Jack, what happened? Nothing, nothing Here you are, driver, keep the change Thanks Jack, fix your collar I'm trying to, but darn it, I've lost my bow tie No, you haven't They've got the searchlight on it It'll be down in a minute Oh, yeah, here it comes There, I got it Now, wait till I fix my collar There, come on, Mary, let's go in Gosh, look, all of us big stars are here Come on, hurry Hold your own invitations, please You spectators, stand back Let them in How do you do, Mr. Gable? Good evening, Mr. Taylor How do you do, Mr. Colbert? How do you do, Mr. Stewart? How do you do, Miss Livingston? I told you, spectators, to stand back I'm with her Oh, well then, go right in, Mr. Mr. Doesn't even know I'm Jack Benny Well, don't tell him, and he'll have something to look forward to What? Come on, Jack, hurry, the lights are starting to dim Okay Hey, Mary, here are two, right in this row A little more than half way in Two feet there, follow me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Oh, darn it, there's only one seat We'll have to go back Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Pardon me Jack, come back, you went out the exit Oh, yes, here we are, Mary Here are two seats on the aisle Good, and we're just in time The picture's just about to begin. Gee, that was a wonderful picture. Yeah, but what a crowd. Hurry, Mary, or we'll never get out of the lobby. All right. Gosh, I really enjoyed that picture, Jack. And what a wonderful cast. I agree with you. Only I couldn't exactly accept Frederick March's conception of the husband. I personally would have done it differently. Jack, look. There's Sam Goldwin coming towards us. Where? Oh, yes. Hello, Mr. Goldwin. Hello, Mary. Gee, it's nice seeing you. Thanks. Hello, Jack. Hello. You know, Mr. Goldwin, I was absolutely thrilled with that picture. I thought it was just wonderful. Well, thanks, Mary. What did you think about it, Jack? Oh, I thought it was fine, excellent. But I was just telling Mary that the part that Frederick March played was almost a natural for me. Jack! It's funny. You should mention it, Jack. You know, when I was casting the picture, I thought about you with that role. You did? Yes. But then I realized the past call for someone older than 39. Well, for heaven's sakes, why didn't you call me? You know what a liar I am. After all, the picture was made seven years ago. I was older then. I mean, younger. I'm all mixed up. Well, Jack, I'll keep your mind from our future pictures. Well, thank you, Mr. Goldwin. Remember, you know, I'm quite versatile. I'm not just a comedian. You see, I'm a dramatic actor, too. Listen to this. Hamlet Stalillich, please. Jack, please. Not on the street. Quiet, Mary. Mr. Goldwin wants to hear this. To be or not to be. That is the question. Whether it is no blur in the mind, to suffer the slings and arrows about rage. Oh, there goes my collar again. Where's my bow tie? I swallowed it. No, Mr. Goldwin, here's my tie on the sidewalk. Excuse me a minute. Where's my collar button? I swallowed it. Follow something. Stop worrying about it, Mr. Goldwin. It's nothing serious. I've got another one in my pocket. Say, Mr. Goldwin, Jack and I are going over to the synagogue for some dinner and a cocktail. How about joining us? Oh, I'd love to, Mary. But I've got another big opening tonight. Another picture? No, Sam's Meat Market. Sam's Meat Market? Yes, I own that, too. Oh. And that television can't hurt. Oh, come on, Mr. Goldwin. Why don't you join us? We'll have some fun. Well, certainly. And I'll tell you what, Mr. Goldwin, you and Mary can be my guests. You guests? Yes. I'll pay for everything. Mary, we better go. This will be the best year of our lives. Yeah. Come on. Let's go. Jack, ask the waiter to get us a table. I don't have to. Bob Crosby said he'd get me a... Oh, there he is, right over by the orchestra. Follow me, Mary, Mr. Goldwin. Hi, Jack. Mary. Hello, Bob. Hello, Bob. I'd like you to meet my friend, Sam Goldwin. Mr. Goldwin, this is Bob Crosby. Well, I'm pleased to know you, Mr. Goldwin. Crosby. Crosby. What's your name, Mr. Miller? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. You have a nephew named Gary, haven't you? Yes, yes. Come on. Let's get seated. Gee, the place is kind of crowded tonight. Remly really packs a man, doesn't he? You're right. Well, let's get some food. I'll call the waiter. And remember, kid, you're my guest tonight, so order anything you want. A waiter. Waiter. Yes! We'd like to order a table. We'd like to order some food. May I have a menu, please? Here you are. Thank you. Well, let's see. Hey, wait a minute. The prices are all scratched off my menu. Who did that? I did. I hate suicide. Never mind. Well, I know what I want. I'll have a Caesar salad, lobster, all in Newberg, and broccoli. Yes, madam. And I'll have a minute steak, rare, some french fried potatoes, and coffee. Yes, sir. What are you going to have, Mr. Galwin? I'll just have a glass of milk. Are you sure you don't want anything, Dee? No, I'm not very hungry. I just have a color button. Waiter, Mr. Galwin, he'll just have a glass of milk. Well, I'm sorry, sir, but I can't serve milk at this table. Why not? He's too close to the orchestra. It'll make him sick. Well, I'll go get those orders. Wait a minute. You haven't taken my order yet. Oh, yes. What did you have, stranger in paradise? I'll have the potage de jure, a salada avec rookford, and la boue bordelée, and pomme de terre. Well, yes, yes. Never mind. Just bring what I ordered. And we'd also like some champagne with our dinner. What kind? I don't know. What would you suggest? Well, when it comes to champagne, I always say mom's the word. Waiter, that's a pretty corny joke. What did you expect for $35 a week, Martin and Lewis? Never mind the wisecratch. You ought to pay a little more attention to your job, some waiter. Look at this tablecloth and napkins. I've never seen such dirty linen. You do them for a swan food. Waiter, never mind the importance. Just bring us our dinner and give me the check. Okay, but you'll hate yourself in the morning. None of your business. Now go get our food. Okay, just lower your voice. Mr. Golden, Mr. Golden, you can come off from under the table. People have stopped staring. Now let's all have a pleasant evening. Let's eat, drink and be merry. Ah, that food was really delicious. Yeah, I enjoyed mine too. Anything else? Dessert? Some champagne, Mr. Golden? No thanks, Jack. It will there be anything else? No thanks. Well, here's your check. Waiter, come here a minute. You are? We're not supposed to get any check. We're guests of the management, you see. I'm sorry. I don't know anything about that. The check is $35.60. Look, I'm telling you, we were invited here by the manager. I'm sorry, but I've heard that one before. Look, do you think I tell you that if it weren't true, I'm Jack Benny? I don't give your king for roof. What? I got a check here for $35.60, and you're going to pay it. I'm not going to pay it. Jack, for heaven's sake, you're creating a scene. Why don't you pay the check? You keep out of this, Mary. Now waiter, get me the manager. The manager has gone home. Well, get me someone. I'm not going to pay this check. Jack, please, this is embarrassing. You keep out of this, too. You invite me to your preview, and then you come in here and stuff yourself at my account. I'm wise to you. Oh, I had with the glass of milk. I don't care what you had. Let Frederick Marks pay for it. And let me tell you another thing. Darling, there it goes again. Mr. Goldwin, Mr. Goldwin, what's the matter? I just had a dessert. Friends, I'd like to ask you a question. How would you like to earn credits from the college or university of your choice while you're still in military service? USOPI can help you. Some of you will be staying in the service, but others will return to civilian life to pick up your education where you left off. But you don't have to wait until you're discharged to start. You can begin right now. There's a USOPI university extension course for any subject you'd like to take up, psychology, mathematics, science, or English. USOPI has them all. Through the correspondence type of course, you can submit your lessons directly to almost any college or university you choose since there are universities and colleges in 33 states and in Washington, D.C., which will give credits for USOPI courses, including 6 in Georgia, 4 in Texas, and 3 in both Utah and Illinois. So start studying today for tomorrow. Get in touch with your unit I&E officer or write USOPI, Madison 3, Wisconsin. For a uniform education, study USOPI. Thank you very much, Mr. Goldwin, for being on my program. Good night, everybody. That many shows presented through the facilities of the United States Armed Forces Radio, sir.