 Hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm your host Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Let's talk about have you ever felt ignored by a guy, okay? So real quickly before I begin I'd love for you to post a comment on this video and if you do I have a special surprise for you at the end of this video so make sure you watch all the way through and this is for those who write a comment. Okay, have you ever felt ignored by a guy? I'm sure this has happened to you. I know it's happened to me in the dating realm and there's nothing more emotionally, what's the word I'm thinking of, betrayed when you feel ignored in a sense feeling ignored feels like a sense of abandonment as a sense of like I'm not wanted I'm not cared for I'm not liked and it can certainly trigger all kinds of emotions inside of you and feelings excited you when you feel ignored and this can happen in the early stages of dating so for example maybe when you're brand new communicating with someone and you don't hear from them for a day or two or certainly in a seasoned relationship where someone you're with goes MIA for maybe a few hours maybe an entire day maybe for a day or two and I want to go into the deeper reasons why this happens but I want to set the stage first to recognize that there's this almost fantasy about how relationships should work I mean it's almost like a Disney movie or you know a Hollywood movie that men are pursuers they know what they want they go after what they want everything will be magical bliss if a guy does all the work and I and I think many women have been conditioned that way certainly been told men are hunters they pursue and they go after what they want but I think we have to go backward in time to look at this whole perspective of a relationship because in many cases from the caveman days we were conditioned to be provider protectors in relationships and that was our primary role and that certainly evolved substantially to where we're at today where there's also a component of not just being a provider protector if you will but to be an emotional component in a relationship and I think this is where a lot of men as well as women are struggling in the emotional sense how can I be emotionally invested in this relationship so when it comes to ignoring what I think is most important to recognize that most likely the main reason why someone might ignore you is that they're not capable of investing in the emotional aspect of the relationship the emotional responsibility of a relationship and a relationship does come with it a sense of emotional responsibility that many men as well as women haven't really prepared for in fact most people are dating from a perspective of a transactional relationship is you come to the table with this and I come to the table with that and we treat it almost like a transaction and I know that may not feel true but there's a sense of that happening right now because both men and women in many cases especially at midlife don't know what they want let me repeat that they don't know what they want and let's let's think about 20 and 30 year olds for a moment 20 and 30 year olds are most likely in the process of pursuing a relationship because they want to start a family they want to build a life with someone and when you're a blank sheet of paper that's relatively easy to do so the the impetus for pursuing a relationship is both on a practical level and an emotional level but here's what happens at midlife and there's a significant number of people at midlife that are divorced they come to the table maybe with some challenges in their life in fact many significant challenges maybe that's why we call it baggage or luggage that comes the table and what happens is when someone's baggage or luggage is piled up their capability of only handling so much in the emotional sense of a relationship causes them to sometimes pull back and that's what it being ignored is it's pulling back a bit and it's saying I don't feel safe I don't feel comfortable in this particular circumstance right now now one of the reasons why this happens is remember I said before in our 20s and 30s we kind of a sense of what a relationship should look like well I think for many people in midlife both men and women they don't have a clear cut sign of what a relationship should look like they don't know the foundational pieces of a relationship other than the transactional I want you you want me and that's the transaction but there's more to a relationship there's more to partnership than just the transaction that's one of the reasons why highly recommend the book eight dates by dr john gotman eight dates by dr john gotman because this goes into the deeper reasons of why to be in a relationship and it also talks about the emotional investment of intimacy because that's really what's causing someone to ignore you is they don't feel safe to be intimate and one of the benefits of reading this book is you can get a sense of is this the right partner for me based on this book and I highly encourage those that are entering into relationship to both buy the book and invest in this book if you're about into the third month of a relationship and you're deciding you want to pursue something then invest in this book as an investment into the relationship and buy two copies of the way two copies of the book for him and for you and say hey let's do this together because we're going to co-create a relationship together we're going to build something together because when you build something together and you create a foundation then a person feels safe to express their feelings without having to run away and that's what's happening when someone's ignoring you is there as I said before they're not capable of leaning into the emotional effects of a relationship and I can tell you a relationship comes with so much emotional responsibility and the average person maybe can go about this far up to their level of their no way up to their level of here let me say up to here and oftentimes it feels like a level of the water is here in other words I can't breathe unless I pull away and that's my invitation for you start learning about the real mechanics of what it takes to be in a healthy happy relationship I if you watch my youtube channel I recommend all kinds of books for you to to read and start learning what it takes to be in a healthy happy relationship learn good communication skills learn about love attachment style learn about the five love languages just to name a few learn about the amago that's what I'm here to express to you and if you want more advice in that area then schedule a call with me in fact there's a link right here below that's what I do is I help clients vet for the right guy that's that's what this is all about so if you need that kind of help or check out my group midlife love mastery again the link is right here below okay you get the gist of where I'm going here and I mentioned that if you post a comment this resonate with you if there's something you want to add something you share please post a comment because if you do one lucky person is going to be eligible a few weeks from now for a private coaching session with me I'm going to reach out to one of those people that comment and you'll get a private coaching session with me so post a comment below all right I hope you found value in this video I'd love to hear your thoughts on it please again post something if you're new to my channel please hit the subscribe button wherever it's at I'd love to connect with you on a more regular basis and please watch my channel for more content each time okay I'm going to sign off this video as I always do giving you a big gigantic job then bear hug if I have your consent oh thank you um wishing you a wonderful day thanks so much bye bye now