 Hello there, lovers. This is going to be a long video, so if you had somewhere to go, you might want to cancel. Don't plan, though. I'm just playing. Of course, it's more important to be social and go to your granny's 80th birthday party than to listen to me. However, if you are on your way to said granny's birthday party, I'm also going to put a audio link below so you can listen to this via podcasts. You don't have to sit here and stare at my face, which I don't have any makeup on. I didn't put my extensions in today. It's a pretty big deal for me. I've been really desperately trying to grow my hair back since last year's catastrophe of abuse that I put my scalp through. I'm getting a little better. This is off topic. It's not a hair video. Get over yourself. Yesterday was a rough day for me. Yesterday I spent the day crying. Today in this video, no, no, no, I'm not crying today because I did it yesterday because I was just saying to my sister, I had an epiphany because a friend of mine, Rick Shucks, who you guys know, of course, from Pune, the pain is trying to lose weight. And he was telling me about the process of losing weight when your body is accustomed to being a certain size. And I thought, man, you know, I really open my eyes, of course, to what people go through, obviously, when they're trying to undertake a really massive thing like weight loss and how we make jokes and advocacy for a listening when truly it's redefining yourself in every sense of the world and changing your body makeup. And I felt yesterday like that really rang true for me in terms of success. All my life, I have reached a certain level of success and then I plateau as if my body or my being is only meant to be a little above mediocre. I did track and field. I went to the World Championships. I won national championships in Canada. I got a full scholarship to the States. I had quit track anyways because I decided that that wasn't my true calling that there was only so far as meant to get in that field. And so I shifted focuses to journalism. Immediately when I started school for journalism, I started writing a book called Laid, which you guys might have heard of. It's young people's experiences with sex and the easy access culture. And I gave my all to this book. I gave everything I had. I thought with all my heart, I'm meant to be a writer. Writing is my number one, my first passion, my first love. And so I did. And when it came out, kind of the same thing would track. You know, I got published across North America. I got to appear in a lot of cool shows. I went and toured. It was cool. It just never really like spilled over and something awesome. And I made zero money off of that. Like you guys, you know, with a publishing deal, it's a lot like a record company deal where they recoup a lot. So they do a lot of investment in you. But for example, they'll design your book cover, but they will put the cost is on your book cover at $10,000. So you're never going to really recoup that money and you'll never make anything off of it, but you just do it for the cool factor. That's how I felt the experience with late when. And so I was like, you know, I'm not going to write books anymore until I've grown my audience. I started to really focus on growing my audience. And I had a channel called those girls are wild gave my all into that for, you know, three years, four, maybe three to four years. That situation just again, it was plateauing. You know, we had gotten to 80,000 subscribers, which at the time was pretty sizable because YouTube wasn't like what it is now where people can become legitimate stars. So when those girls are wild, you know, myself and the other partner were really not seeing eye to eye and the channel was really not growing. I was like, I decided again to switch focuses because I'm like, I plateaued. I got to move on. Um, and then I went to inter traditional media and I was like, I think I'm good enough to be, you know, an on air host and to work on TV. And there's no reason that I should be going to web. I should be able to get an established job because I have the skillset and I put the work in, you know, and obviously I have all this experience and I did that for maybe three years and some change. And, um, again, it was kind of like, I achieved enough to get me to America and on a work visa and I achieved enough to get booked on a lot of pilots, but it never bubbled over into something that made a real career for myself. And like classic Shannon, um, last year, no, in September, I once again shifted focuses and I was like, I'm going back to YouTube and I'm dedicating myself to sex education. I'm going to finish my clinical sexology. I'm going to work with people online. I'm going to do this full time as my passion. I'm not going to worry about traditional cause the problem with traditional media is you can put a lot of work into that field and nothing comes out, you know, and how to get naked and when I talked about booking this pilot and it was a massive deal. It was so much work. I mean, months of auditioning to finally get it to shoot it for it to be a dream project only for the head of the network to get fired the day that our show is being tested and for the new head of network to come in and can all of the shows, the previous head of network had created and for all my work and months of anguish and trying and sacrifice and the glory to me nothing and for no one to see it. And so I decided that I'm going to shift back to YouTube. I feel very blessed right now that all my friends are hella successful. Like I am best friends with division. One of the members he produced hotline bling he produced one dance like he is my friend. I sold two of my shitty old cars to and now he has a house and multiple cars and he's very successful. Of course, shameless Maya who's an immense inspiration on me and just seeing her success first hand and how she's been able to utilize her platform to truly make a better life not only for herself but for employees that she's now able to hire the girl has an office. Winnie Harlow whom I mentored and my mentor now could basically babysit my ass like she is soaring and of course just in the Beyonce project for lemonade and is an amazingly great success. You know, there's Melanie Fiona, you know, who has two Grammys and you know, Amber's closet. All of my friends are way more successful than me. All of my friends have way more money than I do and I feel kind of grateful to say that. So yesterday I was really just distraught like why? Why does God only want me to get so far? You know, like why does God only want me to minimally receive some form of success? Why aren't I massively successful? You know, why haven't I had a best selling book? Why don't I have a multi million subscriber YouTube channel? Why aren't I on a very successful TV show? And of course the answer came back is because I don't stick to it. When I get to my plateau or that place of, you know, as far as I can go, I accept that that's the ceiling and I decide that I have to shift in order to get somewhere different rather than really pushing past that last 10 pounds. You know, they said the first 100 pounds is the easiest and the last 10 is the hardest to really shed that last 10 pounds. I keep quitting on myself and when I had that realization I was like, it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and to do whatever is necessary to really get rid of those last 10. And on top of not feeling sorry for yourself, start feeling proud of yourself. I did a lot in the past six months, y'all. Like I there's two major relationships that I got rid of both in the last quarter of 2015. I was in a long relationship, which a lot of you guys might be aware of. That was not a positive relationship. I'm really connected with Beyoncé's lemonade because I know what it's like to love somebody so much at the cost of yourself and still be treated poorly and still be chosen second and still be trampled all over and to be abused and to be hurt and to want to take the blame on for yourself because you love that deeply that you want to do anything you can, even if that means risking your own self-esteem. And in September, a major thing happened where I looked this guy in the face and I said, it is not my fault. You're fucked up. The most powerful thing I could have done. It is not my fault that you are fucked up. There is nothing that I could do. There is no more that I could love. There is nothing that I could have said to make you a good person and you have to go on that journey for yourself and that journey does not include me and I've not spoken to that person and you guys have probably noticed I've put a lot more videos. My social media following has doubled since that time. I plateaued at like 30,000 for a long time and since that shedding, things have doubled. So when that happened, I got rid of this person. It recharged my life. So I started actually getting a lot more bookings to as a performer, you know, and it was kind of simultaneous. So I got a cast in a movie for TV one called Gene the Joneses and I was speaking at schools that was getting hit up personally via email to do so and then I got another deal from BET to develop my own show with them and my own on with the Asterix because my agent whom is not a specialized agent in what I do. She is an acting agent who we had a good relationship and felt she could help me. She was also my petitioner into America. She was the only agent who said yes to me when I needed someone to say yes, you know, obviously because I had a work visa and you need an agent to sponsor you into the country. So she did a lot for me and she took a big risk on me. I wasn't an actor. I wasn't a part of her usual roster but she did and she fell in love with my content. I think in the process of her falling in love with my content and me being grateful that somebody in America thought it was great and was willing to help me. I made her feel like she was more than just an agent of my content that maybe she was responsible. I just kept noticing that every job that I was getting was coming from me or my relationships or my networking and every opportunity I was getting was coming from me and opportunities that I passed on to her that were just like seeds they hadn't blossomed yet never really came to fruition, you know, when it was under her control and now mind you, that's a part of the industry that I'm in. A lot of shit never really comes to fruition. That's just people just talk and I've learned that really, really the hard way recent. I'll talk about later in the video. I'm like, you're not really pulling your weight and so I call it to her attention said I think I need to get an agent who specialized in what I do. Now we are really good friends, me and this this person. I worked on a project for free for her, which is a little unethical for an agent to ask their talent to work as free talent on their own project. I did a lot of free things for her and in return she did the same for me. She gave me a lot of extra attention of extra coaching. She tried to encourage me into acting but she was never really my thing but I got that it was her comfort level so I tried it. Obviously didn't look shit. I mean other than Jeanine Jones' thing but that wasn't because I was an actor. I was because I had a personal relationship with the casting director who just really wanted to have me a part of that project. So I just asked her if I could get somebody on who kind of had different expertise and she flat out said no. She said no, I am this and that's what it will be. I asked her can I get a manager? I said I kind of feel like I need more support. Can I get a manager? She said no, I'm going to be your agent and your manager. I thought that's not what I really want. And so as things kept progressing I got an offer to work with the vibrator necklace which you guys know I've been talking about forever and you guys have been waiting for that project. I got that offer in November and I came to my agent about it because I had worked my ass off this offer and so I told my agent because legally I can't really make money in America unless it goes through my agent. I cannot get a job at Starbucks like I am not allowed. I could only get work that is in my field and that comes or passes through the agent which is why every single thing that I do she has to take 10% off of that. So I go to her and I'm trying to find a creative compensation route because it's just simply not fair that she will be taking a sizable percentage off of every single sale when she really can't help, didn't get the job and doesn't have the skill set or the relationships to help me sell this product after the fact. And once again they told me they said no they said this is the way that it's going to be and I thought no it's not and so I went in the process of severing my ties with this agent and this is a big, big risk that I took. Not only did severing ties with this agent mean I would have to turn down this BET deal. When I really thought about it I was paying her to be a good friend. I was commissioning her to be a friend not really to do her job and that isn't a knock against her because again I think I'm a little bit out of her wheelhouse and this person has a family life and a full-on life. They're not dedicated in the same way of spending their weekends and hustling and networking and that's totally okay. But I actually heard an amazing piece of advice that I will never forget. I went with my friend Angela Dugan to go see real, no divas of Hollywood, Hollywood divas, real Hollywood divas. You know the one with like Countess Vaughn and Golden Brooks at TV show. So my friend worked on that and she brought me there for the season finale and Tamela Jones was talking about the biggest lesson that she learned her biggest regret in Hollywood and she said when she was on hustle and flow that project and it became a mass success bigger than any of them thought it would be. Taraji P. Henson and Terrence Howard both got new agents. They fired their old agents and went with a bigger company to adjust for their greater level of fame and she didn't. She stayed loyal and her career is her career and their career is their career. Like it really started to transform in my mind what loyalty really was and I'm like is loyalty this is a crazy concept don't get me wrong but is loyalty something that the 1% or the higher ups pass down and impart it on us in order to keep us complacent in situations that no longer satisfy us because loyalty says that whether or not you're actually doing something for me or progressing me in my life or adding value to my life I will stay by you just because. You know we were told that you know you should stick with your original high school relationship if that's who is with you in your hard times because that's who deserves to be with you when you're great but what if they can't support you in your greatness but if they don't have relationships or they're not advancing in your greatness or coming into their own greatness are you supposed to hold on to those situations just because that's the right you know right thing to do so while this person was a great friend and I loved her deeply I had to ask to leave and it was the hardest thing I've ever done I was stick to my stomach constantly weeks before I set the meeting with them to talk about leaving I couldn't sleep I couldn't eat I just felt disgusting I felt disgusting with myself and I went into the meeting and y'all know exactly how it went there was not a single ounce of ownership there's not a single ounce of you know what Shannon you wrote out a complete list of all the jobs you've done and not one job is my name beside there as the reason you got that job I can see where you're coming from that perhaps this relationship is not equally yoked no complete oblivion blame deprecation defamation of my character deprecation I mean shitting she's shit on me she legit she legit told me I wasn't as pretty as other people in her roster so I just like left that meeting and I was like whatever lady and I lost a friend in that exact moment the basic reason I even came to America the person who believed in me first played a large role in my development I spoke about her in my last you know video as being somebody who was very supportive when it came down to it and I said I need to grow all she said was no to me and I started to really take into account all the limiting sentences that she would tell me like you're not there yet you know all the time like well we would do that but you're not there yet I would say I want to do YouTube I spoke to somebody about it my daughter she works this YouTube company and we know that youtubers it's over flooded like you really probably can't do that spacing work because there's too many people in it you're not there yet you don't really have any fame to you so you wouldn't be able to take an impact in that way okay cool start to do YouTube made a little bit of an impact came to her like hey can we start trying to get brand deals you're not there yet when she did this amount of numbers then we'll talk about it okay struggling for money come to this lady hey I think I can like try to get ex agent or this person maybe actually a commercial agent on board agent on board what do you think she like gets upset for me for even saying this or suggesting it but then sends me out on a commercial agency audition that of that she had it through her relationship through some to some rinky dink agency that was like in the back of a garage or something and I'm like what about the bigger agencies what why did you send me there you know you weren't there yet they aren't interested in you you're not you're not really there yet okay but it turns out that when I started to look for a new agent every single major agency thought I was there CAA UTA William Morris I met with every single major agency and everyone thought I was there the kicker of all this I'm ranting like a motherfucker but excuse me the kicker of all this is that when I asked to leave they said this isn't a prison you can leave any time but sure enough when I said yeah guys I'm leaving they said no problem but you're under contract with us until 2018 so no you're really not thought I thought I could leave any time no we have and made in we have made insurmountable investment in you Shannon and we want to recoup what we have lost and in order to do that we have to honor the contract and blah blah blah so Shannon Budrum had to hire a lawyer and I got a top lawyer I got one of the top top lawyers in entertainment lawyers in California and for three months y'all I sabotaged myself because in order to get out of this contract I couldn't work for three months and so I didn't go on one meeting when auditioned I didn't make any money I took no brand deals I did nothing then I finally got out of the contract three months later and of course whenever you emerge from being dead for a while you're like guys I'm ready to play and everyone's like who are you and you're like oh I have to I have to start all over again and that pretty much marks where I'm at right now I am free of this contract and I'm comfortable talking about it for this one remarkable reason I was legally tied to this agent not just through her contract but also through immigration and so I have been unable to leave America because if I do and she reported me to US Immigration as no longer being with her I would get disallowed back into the country without a sponsor but I got an immigration lawyer I re-enlisted Kate Rainer and Associates who got me my original O1 visa and I am now working on my green card I'm so excited for this one thing in my life like I'm thrilled I'm over the moon about it I remember meeting somebody when I first came to the US from Canada who showed me their green card and I was like just to be able to work freely and not be afraid look over your shoulder or have a petitioner or every single time that I have to work I have to send over everything y'all blood samples like urine tests me applying for my immigration my green card not only frees me from being in the situation I wasn't before for one person is responsible for having me in the country but it also puts me in a dilly of a pickle because it's expensive on top of that my immigration lawyer said Shannon if you apply for another O1 which I'm now currently signed to UTA talent which is you know Angelina Jolie's agency but whatever you can get another O1 just like that it will cost you half the price you will be cleared it will all work out if you go for this green card though you are probably on a 70% line you know you you haven't really like Drake will get a green card no problems ask you know right Shannon Boondram they're gonna be like who that like so that like you could do it but we're telling you it's a risk do you want to do it and of course I consulted all of the different parts of my life and all the things that I have been wishy washy on and I thought how dare I ask other people be that you guys sit at home who listen to me and invest your time in me your precious time this is a long ass video in me or going to auditions and asking production companies or asking brands to invest in me when I am afraid to invest in myself how can I ask somebody else to believe in me and give to me fully devote to me if I don't do that for myself and I know for me being able to take on for example the vibrator necklace deal which I just recently opened that back up after this whole three months of famine is completely finished being able to accept that deal would be tricky under my visa doing youtube deals is tricky under my visa doing counseling is tricky under my visa I don't want to be tricky I don't want to I don't I want to live clear and honestly I want to do good work I want to throw myself into it I've been volunteering for Aviva which is a house for girls who are at risk and survivors of sex trafficking and it becomes so close with these girls that I'm like I want to become a foster mom like that's something that definitely is a goal for you in the next year to two years and in order for me to do that I cannot be a temporary worker here so I need that visa that marks pretty much how I feel about my life right now period how much do I believe in myself and can I surround myself with others who share that passion one and two have the tools to support it and that's a very important second option which a lot of people tend to overlook it's one thing to be gung ho and rah rah rah and in your corner it's another thing to be in your corner and have the nutrients and vitamins and the stitching to get you back into the ring so you can fight and be at your best the people who are the cheerers are the ones in the stands and they still matter and they still exist and they still pump you up but the two spots that you have my boyfriend and the person in charge of my career the two spots that I have who are ringside with me have to do more than just have good intentions they have to so I'm making this video for you guys at home to say do it I don't care what it is you know where you want to live you know what you have to do you may be plateauing right now you might be experiencing that last 10 pounds that you can't lose you might be looking at your life and saying why isn't it better you already know the answer that is because there's certain things that you're unwilling to change certain relationships you're unwilling to give up that is stopping you from getting to your next best step I always use the quote my mom says you know reach for the tree tops land on the ground reach for the stars land on the tree tops and me applying for this visa is me me signing to top to your agencies where I am a low priority versus being at a small agency where I was a very high priority is me coming on YouTube constantly and trying to compete with the big guys and asking you guys for your attention and asking you guys to care or to be invested reaching for the start and I'll be happy with the tree tops but I think at this point in my life I can't be on the ground anymore like I'm done with the ground and you guys will see behind me this is a money altar something that I recently put into my life in my world that's a very important thing to me I need money in order to get to my next greatest step I want to have access to greater things I want to be able to have a better and bigger impact I want to be able to go to Aviva or go to mosaic my church and give more than just my time and presence I want to be a real contributor to people who I think are great and just like the people who are great in my life are great contributors to me my friends are constantly offering me money I'm sick of it I love it but I'm sick of it you know like I want to be able to do that for them I've had people of course through my counseling services which has been oh my god so amazing like lord words life cannot express how empowering my counseling sessions have been not just to give and to serve for you guys and to also be validated with money for what I do because that's an important part of it to know that I'm worth it that my advice and my expertise and all that I've studied actually has a value on it but when I tell y'all something I take that lesson back to myself and you guys have challenged me in so many ways because I can't spin y'all bullshit that I'm not putting into action for myself and I've seen that where I tell people advocate for yourself advocate for your needs if something has happened that you don't like you put your foot on that thing and you say stop doing this thing do I do that? not all the time I let a lot of things slide or people slide or behavior side or comment side and you guys won't even notice in the comment section now I'm less likely to take shit from you guys I say you guys loosely I mean like decimals zero nine percent of you who are just ridiculous human beings I'm not taking shit from you guys anymore if I don't like something that you said I'm gonna put my foot on your comment but thank you to everybody who has said Shannon I want your help who has committed and booked because I probably get 60 emails and of those 60 emails six people actually into booking I don't really know why that's the math but for the six people who follow through and do the session and invest themselves in that way you guys inspire me so much you inspire me so much and thank you for trusting me and I hope any of you guys who have been reluctant to try that service out know that it's a two-way street and that I'm dying to meet you and I'm dying to connect with you and there's a lot that we can do together when we work as a team and we collaborate there's no shame at all in saying I need help with something that I think that you have a good handle on and I will call myself an expert on this because I put the work in for that and in turn I will come to you and also be nourished from you when you're learning and your education so it's two-way street or just comment the comments mean the world to me so you all already know that the comment section gives me life this YouTube channel has given me a new life and a new purpose and I want to stick with this and hold me accountable so if I don't reach a million subscribers in five years and I'm thinking of quitting because it's not going well play this video for me and say don't do that again stay here work hard push through it lose that last 10 pounds you can do this not if you quit though you can't do it if you quit so don't quit that's all oh and lastly finally finally I'm putting up a video that I did with Kate Rainer who is my lawyer she is the person who I used to get my O1 visa and I'm going back to this firm again because they have a 99% success rate to do my green card application I'm going to say this because I get asked a question all the time about people who live abroad who want to come to America if you know you're meant to be here be here if you're cool in Toronto you're cool in Switzerland or you're cool in Cuba stay in Cuba there's something wrong with being amazing where you're at but if you know you're meant to be in America make it happen you can do it I did not have what I thought was enough to apply but anybody can apply and so I want to say if you've ever thought of coming to America you can call Kate Rainer for a free consultation I did an interview with her on my other and a video I'm going to put up at the same time as this one that really just talks about coming to America if this is a dream for you make it happen and you can use my name for a referral because she it I'm trying to get some money off my visa that was expensive just keep it real