 Good morning once again and welcome to BC 315 the course on the life skills and today we're going to continue discussing on conflict resolution even before they could begin with us. Can I request one of y'all to please uh anyone y'all can just unmute yes thank you day beautiful time just for this class father god this time father god as we are going to learn about the life skill father god we ask you lord more of your lesson your understanding about jesus and father god your words is lord jesus whatever we do they'd be in excellence way father god we ask you lord jesus father god whatever ma'am is teaching us father god they'd be rooted in our heart father god so that it will be helpful for today and for the future god we commit this time to your mighty hand and we submit all the students to you and father god in jesus name me amen thank you so let me share our point presentation so that we can continue to discuss and few of the points that we were discussing on last week okay so we are from point eight right okay but we don't let anything personally affect so is there anyone who'd like to share or why shouldn't we take anything personally whereas we shared on three of the points in last class we looked at use yes and statement so that we can avoid any misunderstanding we can be very clear and don't point fingers during especially the time of conflict because that may trigger the third we discuss like let the person explain themselves and actively listen so it's always good for the other I mean all of us who was part of the project to allow them to share their point of view and fourth we will look at use i statement instead of you know pointing a finger at the other person it's you it could say maybe I didn't understand you but I should have understood okay the fifth point we saw yours maintain a calm tone yes no matter what's happening within this way emotions are actually coupling it but then it's always good for us to maintain a calm tone because that can avoid many such conflicts we should be then the sixth point we saw was look show a willingness to compromise or collaborate very important and seventh we discussed on don't talk behind people's back don't talk behind people's back so as we discussed on seven points let's continue okay looking into the other points and today we will start with a point which talks about don't take anything personal so why is that important in conflict resolution why is this scale very important for one to develop so don't take any personal anyone from the class can unmute at share your point of view anyone from the class why should we not take anything personal do you think that may that may affect us in our relationship with the other person yes this is child hi child yes um when you take something personal that means you are you are putting around yourself a hedge like you are going to put a hedge around yourself so that nobody should do entering you are going to you are going to defend yourself now instead of handling it well now you're going to start pointing fingers though you might not physically point the finger but the the internal part is show is pointing finger to the other person because it is no longer a relationship it is now a self-defense that's what I think thank you thank you thank you child is there anyone would like to add to work child it can also be an organization set up in a workplace at a corner in a ministry set up every organization or a ministry may have certain policies and now when we talk about the policies it may not be very friendly or may not be very flexible to certain people so at the time of conflict or you know a customer can be a customer team member can be any person may have a conflict typically not with you as an individual person but maybe it may involve the policies that are involved so in those circumstances in that situation let's not take something very personally but I love that okay it's part of the policy this is how we are going to enter this is how we are going to talk and convince the person but whatever the person you know during that uh reasoning during the time of discussion the customer or a team member would have said certain words that may not be very pleasant for the hero or for the other person to receive it but then it's always good for us to not to take it personal and leave it there so that your relationship with that person does not get affected okay um yeah but then we will move on to the next point nine pay close attention to non-verbal communication it can get this very important for us to pay attention to non-verbal communication in conflict resolution why do you think a body language or uh emotional appearance of us during this time is very important have you a person to take a note of it yes let's go and chance we have many answers coming from here go ahead oh okay um me I am thinking that a person can be might as I said in the beginning I said you might not physically point fingers but when you are internally pointing fingers and non-verbal communication it might be that that person might not be telling you internally bringing out verbs or words but now they are showing their internal communication where the non-verbal so there is a need a very very sensitive need for one to look at the non-verbal gestures and actions so that you are able to interpret them there and then so that you are able to know what to communicate next I thank you thanks thanks Charles yeah you're actually answered to the point it's very important in fact it's very important during the time of conflict to have a person it's always good you know that your telephonic conversation it's always good for us to discuss on this conflict something that is involving a disagreement or some sensitive matter it's always good for us to discuss with the person directly why because when we're discussing a certain matter directly we get to see the person we get to you know be sensitive to the body language the emotional everything and what so based on that based on that we can handle the situation better so all the sensitive matters it's always good for us to talk directly to the person because through you know direct conversation we can understand the non-verbal combination through the language the emotions that has been expressed over the face and in that you can avoid much more conflict or any kind of other misunderstanding you know even if a person you know on a day to day conversation maybe something has disturbed with a very word of yours action of yours may have caused some kind of disturbance to the person when you just say hi to that person how are you the person may not be losing i'm fine but not actually giving that expression out and you know there's something wrong with this person and you can sit talk discuss and bring a clarity so that the environment the atmosphere where you work where you serve is very comfortable and transparent and it is in a very healthy manner so non-verbal communication even in conflict resolution is very important and it is a skill that we observe we need to observe all these things yeah 10th we look at is prioritize resolving the conflict over being how do you prioritize resolving the conflict over being anyone from the class anyone from the class it can be personally okay definitely the conflict is not just between one person itself but it also involves the other person or team so how do we resolve it over being so when we are trying to resolve a problem or issue we might need to take us back access the whole situation how we can peacefully handle it how we can peacefully handle it we may be we may be right or maybe our opinions may be right or strong enough to defend the other person and make the other person understand and prove that he is wrong or prove the team is wrong but what is benefit what does what does it benefit at the end of the day improving the other person that they are wrong and losing the relationship sometimes it's all actually it is good for us to step up and say okay fine sorry about it let's see how we can resolve it what do you think may be right to do just hear out the other person and you know by hearing out the other person we are making that person feel okay fine i'm ready to compromise i'm ready to you know to go in peace because it is very important the scripture says one of the scripture says i've put up some scriptures here okay and try to change woman's 12 18 says if possible so far as it depends on you live peaceably with all very important if possible so far as it depends on you live peaceably with all so when we see peace with others what animals compromise and sacrifice and want sacrificing and come away give away your pride your ego let's let's clothe ourselves with humility and making the other person okay fine you're right let's go with what you are so what's important here is peace this is something very important for us to look in so the next point we can see so yeah no when to apologize and forgive when do we apologize and forgive when do we apologize and forgive remember when we acknowledge and identify our our side of being wrong then we can apologize and forgiveness can be extended based on our hearts that we want to reconcile so if we are willing to reconcile then extending forgiveness or seeking forgiveness both works well yes thanks have you for sharing that yes actually it is a very one of the hardest thing for anyone i i'm not too sure i can't say anyone some of them or the lord have practiced this to say sorry but then otherwise it's not a very easy thing for everyone to accept the mistake and say sorry no it actually takes a lot of courage it takes a lot of strength you know to actually realize realize that okay it's wrong on my side i should have been more understanding you know i should have not allowed the situation to come in the first place so a conflict can involve many other areas that we need to look into so when we look into as the scriptures and as much as possible strive to have peace with everyone why do you think it is important the scripture says it is very important for us to have peace around us why do you think it is important for us to have peace around us a circumstance our life in our workplace in our family it can be anywhere but we need to have peace why do you think that is very important if there's a conflict if there's always anger hatred ego pride things around us there's no god's nature there you can't expect god to bless if you're holding on something to unforgiveness if you're holding on to something like hatred unable to forgive another person you cannot experience god's blessing you know that's the reason the scripture says like as much as possible strive to have peace around you you see in the book in the Old Testament we see when god you know allowed Solomon to build the temple of god god gave Solomon peace with all his enemies around him why do you think because there was a project there was a work there was a purpose and god intended Solomon to do build god's temple for that he needs to have peace so that he can receive the purpose of god the blessing of god the what the purpose that god has called him to do he can fulfill it even his enemies god made it as a god made even the enemies to be friends with them and they also blessed him with the material that is needed to build the temple so this is not just for Solomon but it is even in our time even in our time god can give peace to the people around us god can you know make the enemy to be a blessing to us this is what the scripture says that I shall make your enemies to be in peace with you and we have the favor of god and enemies will be our friends will be at peace with us and also it is very important for us to say I'm sorry forgive me and be at peace with everyone so let me do not allow the pride or the pride or the ego anything to hinder our blessing from god it is important for us okay yeah and also the scripture says do not allow the sun to go down anyone would like to complete that scripture if I make a note of that yeah I have not but that's just give me a minute while I get the scripture the sun go down on your anger when you are still angry yes yes minister do not allow to start to go down on your anger yeah so yes as much as possible we need to have peace with people around us an efficient chapter four verse 26 efficient chapter four verse 26 talks about be angry still not let not the sun go down upon your anger means don't carry that conflict till next day try to solve it within the day itself this is a nature so being angry is a emotion but what comes out of it is what causes it be very careful so god gives us that nature to control our emotion it gives us the wisdom how to handle the situation so we need to handle it in a peaceful manner why do you think it is important for us to handle the situation in a peaceful manner it's very important for us to handle the situation in a peaceful manner because we don't allow the enemy to take in charge of us we don't allow the conflict to grow as much as possible have peace let the other person be right and let him go that's okay just humble yourself allow the lord to work and add allow the lord to be your defender let the lord take up this battle just leave it anytime the lord will make the other person understand lord will give the clarity and the understanding to the other person so let's allow the battle you know let's allow god to handle that battle god to handle that conflict and you being peace just say sorry apologize by re-apologizing we will not become small by re-apologizing we will not become wrong the other person may take that as an advantage and say hey he asked sorry that means he's accepting his mistake the other person may take that apology as an advantage and you can boast and talk what he wanted or how he wanted situation to look in favor or his advantage but that's okay many times even Jesus was humiliated when he was on this earth he never took every case to defend himself he just allowed the time to answer and he worked away sometimes certain battles are not worth fighting not worth defending not worth arguing just let it go let it go and let the lord handle so this is something that we need to put in practice as a child of god so focus on the conflict at hand and not and not past ones very important let's look at immediate what's happening it's always good not to bring the history the past into the present so this is some some of them consider some scholars consider that you know to have this 48 hour movie if a conflict emerges or there's something that bothers each of us that we need to look out only what happened in that 48 hours and how we can resolve it we should not look into a conflict how we are going to blow it as big as it possibly as a leader our focus should be how we can resolve the conflict how we can bring end to this misunderstanding how we can break this argument and put a full stop to it and don't bring anything from the past into it because it may only land up becoming big so as much as possible as leader see how we can handle the situation why see and if at all we need to address anything see to it that you're addressing based on the even that is taking place right now the conflict right not on something that happened a year or a month later or something you know sometime back then bringing that into just happen walking the conflict and resolve it we can avoid it so that this does not repeat again 13th we see that huge humor when appropriate what do you think humor is necessary but again it's a huge humor when appropriate only if it is needed let's not make fun of humorous when the other person about some matter only if it is needed to make the situation a little light we can use humor that's when even our non-verbal communication matters our body language the whole situation the emotion based on that you to make the situation go like we can use humor but then if it is a serious intense let's not make the other person concerned humorous because that may lead again to another conflict so depending on the situation on the circumstance of the on the whole issue we need to think how we can handle it in a better way okay but if it is a light matter and to make the other person comfortable and the others you know feel okay it is actually good to make the situation like to use little humor so that you know there's a solution everyone are feeling comfortable and there's no more misjudging misunderstanding and everyone appreciates each other and make a big problem into a small you know nothing just like about we just use a humor and solve the problem and no more you know something very light 14th we see remember the importance of the relationship very very important conflict is just a instant it's just emotion just concern okay of that minute of that event but what last long is the relationship so whenever we are addressing a conflict or we are in the situation a mind should be on much bigger thing that is our relationship matters at the end of the day our relationship should not get affected so how can I handle this situation so that our relationship is not affected so keeping a relationship in mind it's very easy for us to handle any conflict no matter how big or how intense it could be just because you want to maintain a good relationship with this person you will try as much as possible to solve that problem instantly and you refuse to remember that again so that your your relationship with that person does not get affected on a longer is there anyone else who'd like to share on use humor or remember the importance of the relationship anyone from the class can unmute and talk about it why is it important and how can handle the situation to retain the relationship can I share this is child yes yes chance please go ahead i'm talking about the relationship you know the relationship comes from far so one emotion can kill the whole relationship that you have built for many years so it is very very vital for you to keep in mind in fact it should be on on your fingertips to remember the relationship how it has come how you have built it and then with that one single emotion or two of them that are likely to kill everything so when you are antennae up and you are aware of the relationship its strength its base and everything then you are able to to handle the conflict in relation to the relationship so that you will protect it and maintain it thank you thank you thank you Charles for sharing that yes very important for us to maintain it yeah anyone else who'd like to add before we could move on to next anyone from the class here Abhinaya Siddharth Asha Nisha would you like to share Nisha Peter on any of the points that has touched here that was very important and conflict resolution Abraham Manki anyone okay we will move on to the next point in conflict resolution okay we will look into the next one the Thomas Kailman model of conflict resolution so it describes this model describes the five strategies for addressing conflict so the five strategies lies on the two axes what are those a set of and cooperative assertive and cooperative so each of these strategies it ranges between the assertiveness and unassertiveness and cooperative and uncooperative so there's no strategy is right or wrong so let's take time to look into these because each one have set few boundaries so we need to look into what are the boundaries that we can we can look into this conflict management so as we establish certain boundaries upfront before all the teams or the groups we must include we must keep three things in our mind what are the three things that are right personal confidential trust personal confidential trust these are the three things that we need to keep in mind when we set the boundaries how reminding everyone in the group or even asset that the conflict is not personal what we need to remind the conflict is not personal now the second one asking everyone to keep the discussion whatever has been discussed confidential this is something every leader should have these qualities and the third point is trust trusting everyone to manage their emotions and not make it as an outburst or a hurtful remarks should be very careful we need to trust and handle our emotions well so in some cases the conflict may simply be too emotional to address so if you're very afraid of retaliation or if there's any discrimination or if there's any inappropriate situation it may help us to have a third person to come and to address it because in such situation if only the two people are are are part of this conflict it may burst so depending on the situation as a leader be wise enough to have somebody part of it so that it does not the conflict does not grow bigger but it solves the problem it becomes neutral and the third person whoever's part of this will be neutral seeking the complete story hearing out both the person and coming out with a clear suggestion so this is very important and not the neutral person should not take any sides but hear out both the person and give a solution to that conflict so when we do that there are five ways to manage the conflict resolution strategies we're going to look at the first one is accommodating so the accommodating style is commonly seen when you know people want to be unassertive or cooperative whereas not every conflict need to be a war so conflict worth accommodating are those battles that are strategically lost to when the war for example when there's a time when you might accommodate a colleague or a customer when they complain about a process but not an outcome so in this we need to see what is it so for example if a colleague would have asked for a report but she has not given in detail what format the report needs to be delivered so if a colleague just delivers it in a PDF format you don't have to get upset why did she do it instead of giving me in a excel format she has given it to me in a PDF the first point is okay I didn't ask for the format let me take the report as it is or is it a way that before I could head to a meeting can I change the format from a PDF to excellent exactly the way I did that if you can do that actually makes it much better but if you're very particular about the format and you crit so much about it make sure that you give certain instruction before and to avoid those unnecessary circumstances arise okay so we need to be accommodating when we don't make things clear to the other person we cannot expect the other person say it is a common sense that this report needs to be delivered in this format you know maybe each one coming from a different background each way get to work differently so we need to be understanding and accommodating now the second point is avoiding avoiding the avoided conflict strategy is well reserved for individuals who are more inclined to be unassertive and uncorporative during the time of conflict generally this is and this is a very authentic approach because people who adopt this strategy one low parts of the conflict would rather wanted to be blown over this strategy is for small annoyance one of the stakes and issues that could otherwise be personally interesting for example the conflict you might avoid in the workplace when someone drinks the last of the water from the water cooler the doubt isn't replacing the content okay so don't have to get irritated it's a just avoid that problem so you see if you can just replace the other water can the cooler if it's just one time issue or if you see that repeatedly happening call everyone addresses address this out so that the person is much more aware when the water is finished and is the last person we just replace the but as much as possible we just avoid it but then by avoiding does not solve the problem if it's only one time it's okay but it's going to be a repetitive task with that then you see how you can resolve it it's better for you to call out tea talk about it and see how we can avoid such problem coming up rising up again and again and the third one is collaborating third one is collaborating so if if we want to keep a relationship together and that and find a solution that works for better for everyone try the collaborative style of a conflict solution so how do we do it so this strategy is both we see it as cooperative as a which means that all the people of the team in the herd and solution that's chose should work well for everyone see what works better keeping everyone in mind being thoughtful so this is very important especially when we are in a group when we work in a group when we work in a team can be any setup when it's three workplace so keep it every but the goodness the goodness of every month so that we work together and collaborate so if there's a crisis there's an issue you see what works better so how do we work this out you need to work collaborative so how why not one person taking a decision so when you know in this case you call you call complete team members it can be in a ministry we have different teams even at workplace we will have different teams various teams now each team will think for their own good they may not think what works well for the other team so the in collaborating way we call out for all the team members and discuss it out so what works better with team A team B and team C and what is good for all of us then we come out with a solution that is good for everyone so it works out in a win with situation for all the team and and good for everyone so that is one of the collaborative method a point four is competing competing so in this we see that assertive and uncorporated the competing conflict style is an intense approach to resolving grievance so it's not an uncommon for a competing conflict resolution strategy to heal a positive outcome for one group and a negative outcome for another so this strategy isn't one to make new friends to take it lightly so we might see a competing conflict management strategy used when negotiating these so this is not a good one for us to follow in our ministry workplace but competing strategy may work well for the lawyers at the court like how a lawyer may use this strategy to get the best legal outcome for the client at the expense of the other party so a competing strategy works well there in that setup but not for us in our ministry setup or in our workplace maybe in the workplace when there's when they compete with their team with different companies okay that may get me with a side but when we talk about our ministry a church setup competing does not appear very well for us because we don't compete with others at the sconce kingdom yes we can say we compete with ourselves but we are better we are growing each day better but we don't compete with others okay now the fifth point is compromising compromising so we see here people tend to compromise during conflicts when they are assertive and cooperative in you know getting a solution so this strategy actually one way it is good so that we just get to compromise and come out of this situation so compromising is something a skill not that you know uh letting yourself down or not by proving the other person is right or wrong compromising is something that we tend to look into this place is not allowing the conflict to grow but saying Lord you be my defender and I want to bring a stop for this conflict of this disagreement just be in peace with everyone or check with others what solution is needed so that you know we can bring a solution compromise with each other so a deal might compromise on a solution come up with a solution what would be the solution for this conflict so as a leader we need to set things in our mind we should not allow the conflict to keep growing from one point to the other but as a leader we should immediately look out what's the solution that we can solve this problem and not allow it to grow if the solution is just to compromise with another person please go for and go ahead with it because we want to please with it okay so manage and resolve conflict like a pro is how actually it is not very easy but then when we pray when we have the mind of Christ in us it becomes easy and getting this mind of Christ as a leader we need to have it every time you face a conflict take it to the Lord and grant only then handling conflict in the way Christ wanted it to be really then it'd be easy for us if not handling conflict was not easy addressing it out you know in a godly manner it's not that very easy but then when we invite God when we ask the Holy Spirit to give us that strength to maintain the relationship above everything else give us the understanding you know it's a very nice there's one song just give me a minute I I just remembered okay I just read this song I just got this here this is a song written by Francis of SSC okay again he was also a ministry leader we will I'm sure you would have studied about Francis of SSC in Christian history and missions how the desert fathers you know moved in you know certain period of time with prayer and with love toward the people during the dark ages so here we have he has written the song in a very well manner I just read this out if he says make me a channel of your peace where there is hatred let me bring your love where there's injury your pardoned Lord and where there's doubt through faith in you again he says make me a channel of your peace where there's despair in life let me bring hope where there's darkness ugly light and where there's sadness ever joy oh master grand that I may never sleep so much to be consoled has to console to be understood has to understand to be loved has to love with all my soul just give me a minute while I have it here let me post it on the chat so that we all can get okay so it says um make me a channel of your peace it is an hard name that we are pardoned in giving of ourselves that we receive and in trying that we are born to eternal life what does it mean when he says in dying it's nothing but the scripture says when you die to yourself you are actually born to eternal life this is what Jesus did he thought as if you want to be the leader then serve you need to die to yourself for you to be born if you take up a neat seed it needs to die itself for it's to give birth and grow here again in the next power we see that oh master grand that I may never see so much to be consoled okay it's the same thing very very beautiful song this is as a leader we had this practice in this lifestyle and we seek this so this is something that we can look into when it comes to conflict management what happens is most of the time we put ourselves first we give the priority to ourselves our feeling our understanding but then what the scripture says what the other person first consider other persons request first as much as possible live in this you know these are some important scriptures that I have put for conflict management Matthew 18 5 to 17 are you able to see what I'm saying this person we can see okay great so Matthew 18 15 to 17 says if your brother sins against you go and tell him a spot between you and him alone if he listens to you you have gained your brother but if he does what does take one or two other along with you this is what we discussed in the other party along to the other person taking you earlier both the signs that every chart may be established by evidence of two or three witness if he refuses to listen to them then we take the church take into the higher authority why should he do that again again it says if he refuses to listen even to the church let him be till you are gentle and the text okay that part we leave it depending on those days but in our time let's apply to our time if we take to the church that is why are we escalating it to the other person that means we're striving for peace okay I'm not able to talk to my brother to bring an understanding ask an elder to intervene the third person if he's not able to understand even the third person let me take it to the church leader so that I'm in peace with my brother I want this relationship it's nothing but trying hard to be in peace do what it takes to be in peace it's not it's just not our brother it's not about our brother alone but it can be anyone enough relationship and efficiency 31 32 says let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamour and slander be put away from us along with all malice why because these are the things that may bring strife between us so when we put away all this we have kindness gentleness the fruit of the spirit within us so we can be kind to one another with tender heart that's forgiving one another as God and Christ who gave us very very so when we have this in our mind we will not voice out our opinion our idea or you know for our side of mind of you with all humility we will say okay fine brother let's go with what you say I love the time to bring an understanding to the Proverbs 15 one says a soft answer turns away but a harsh words tries up anger so it is very important for us to have a calm tone understandably are the person and speak sweet answer you are the peace makers for they shall be called sons of God because you are the child of God you should be peaceful not only when the and you are part of the conflict even if you see any others having a dispute between themselves you'll be the peace maker because you are the child of God speak peace release your peace even if the conflict is happening elsewhere in different state different country when you hear the news about it let's be the prayer warrior this is what God is calling each of us when we pray God interweaves efficiency 426 we see that the anger and the concept okay we got into that looks 627 says but I say to you here love your enemies do good to the do hate you love your enemies and do good to those who hate you so this is what the scripture says do not do not do evil to evil but evil for good proverbs it also says you know love your enemies do good to them do good to them such a way that you know that they change the heart gets transformed and efficiency 4 2 to 3 says with all humility and emptiness with patience bearing with one another in love eager to maintain the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace very important to be humility and have this fruit of the spirit as attributes within us because the God of dwells in us is this is what he expects each of us to do to be the reflection of them so we should be the peacemaker of God upset so with that we end the session and I request one of us to please end the session with the word can I request a yes ma'am thank you so much Father God we are so very thankful to you once again Father for teaching us such beautiful words of life Father that we would grow in being peacemakers Lord Father for you have given us the ministry of reconciliation and you are the prince of peace of a father as we as we learn more about it Father help us to bring peace in ourselves and in situations and in circumstances around us and whatever we are learning we are so very thankful to you for all the wisdom and all the understanding that your word gives us day after day we thank you for pastor who is teaching us with so much love and patience we bless her in the name of Jesus and we bless all the classmates all the students to walk in this peace which which you give us Father and the world cannot take it Father once again we thank you for bringing us all together this morning for all the blessings of life your favor your grace and mercy and we ask this prayer in the precious and matchless name of Jesus our Savior and Lord Amen thank you thank each one for joining thank you God bless thank you very much God bless you thank you thank you