 the recesses of your mind. All that you are now will be erased. Together, we shall become a Lord Victor. Please, no! Please! No! Please! Yes! Really? No! Fuck! I'm sorry, but my word is final. I've already got tenants returning, shooties debut who worry about without adding your Scottish arse to the mix. Because I don't wipe the floor with them. Because you refuse to drop the accent. The other two have bent to my will. What's your excuse? You just made that up! Yes, it was a clever lie to shut you up, which clearly hasn't worked, but look. I love you, Peter. You know I do, but it's a stern no from me. Yes! Oh! Good to see you again, Russell. Yes, well, it was my understanding that we were having our meeting at Television Centre in the evening tomorrow. Yes! Yes! But we know how that's going to go. I figured I'd skip the foreplay and just get to it. Before I throw up, who are you? Not important, Mr Capaldi. What's a funny name? Oh, importantly, before I get started, I assume you've done what I suggested. Oh, no, but I will finish so now. It's actually the one thing I agreed with you on. As you are. It'll be sent down to Doctor Who Road's basement once the renovations have been complete. Good, right, yes. Perfect. I'll return with my full report later today. Until then, no invasions, eh? But seriously, God, if you see anything just... OK, who was that? That... was the representative. His actual name must be on the record if he works for the BBC. You'd think so, but no. He's been around a long time, though. Ever since I started? A year isn't that long since I first started. You're never sorry, man. He's more of an in-the-shadows kind of guy. He's a bloody punchable kind of guy, giving the old one-two the posh prick. Yeah, agreed. I've never trusted in myself. You know, I could always squeeze in a 12th Doctor, a John Frobe, a Kikelius cameo into the 60th. You want me to follow him, don't you? Please, please, please, please, please, please! What exactly are the stakes here? Well, anything wrong in this place, any hazard, it's a possible way to damage the outside world. Good. Maybe for you. But you forget some residents of this road wouldn't have much of a life outside of this place. Trout and Pertwee. OK, consider it done. Good, right, yes! OK, keep me updated on everything he does, every word, every gesture. One wrong move, one slip of the tongue, one cheeky middle finger. That's it, I've got him. They wouldn't stop talking about, plus you called us some truly heinous slurs. Are you even listening? Well, I tuned them both out for the most part of a very unhelpful pair. I'm like, you too? Wow, sir! It's an outrageous amount of damage. How exactly did you break this again? Well, all I was trying to do was plug it in. That's all. So I kept pushing and straining until I realised it wasn't a plug-in appliance at all. You thought that a TV remote had to be plugged into an outlet. What an outlet? Oh, you're a star. Thanks, love. You do a lot of that. You know he can probably do most of it himself. I don't know about that. Poor bugger struggles to form coherent sentences these days. Isn't that right, grandfather? Young lady, I don't... Susan, Susan, Smith, yes, I make perfect sense. Really? He helped me so much back in the old days. This is just my funny way of repaying him. Susan, where is my lunch? I am famished. Guitars. Push it sometimes! What is that? This? Oh, that stupid thing. Tom Baker got it for me years ago as a birthday present in the vain hopes that I would use it. But for me, it's rear projection or nothing. Rear is best, dear boy. Fancy's a trip down. Who falls down this hole? Kills the doctor. What hole? Oh, bugger. So come on. Yes, yes, the Zabi are going to be here any minute, dear girl. We must be swift. Zabi? They're not in power of the doctor. What is a power of the doctor? Watched my last episode. I haven't even watched your first. Chini. Chini? I think you'd like this one, actually. In fact, it's got you in it for censorite's sake. How's it now? Well, this I must see. I loved it. It's no time of the doctor, but what is? It's just that when it comes to his involvement. It's the loud voice, this incarnation. Someone's in a hurry, eh? Oh, I play her. I do hope we're all paying our TV licence. Or I will have to break your shins. Bill Ha! Oh, come here. Dear boy, it is good to see you. It has been too long. Shit, shit, please. Oh, new face, eh? Always exciting. So what are you? New doctor. Companion. David Tennant. Again. I am a representative from the BBC. Villain then. Yes, yes, hello. Mrs. Whitaker. A pleasure, truly. I'm afraid I can't stay long, though. I've got work to do. Well, I shall assist. My legs aren't what they used to be, but come on then, what's the job? It's ensuring that none of you have any means to escape. Then go fuck yourself, yes. Understood. Yes, right. You two know each other. Yes, yes, he's a good friend from the old days. One of the few that stuck around my whole tenure. Of course I was only a stagehand back then, but I've gone up in the world. Clearly. And quite right at all. He knows Hartnell. And more surprisingly. Oh, it's at the time. Must dash, must go. I've got a game of Smash Bros. with Tennant that I must win. Jodie, do you mind finishing up? Yeah, of course. Although if you lose that game, you or me, got money riding on it. You've only just found out about the game. How on earth did you place a bet on it? I'll just do that in future. No promises. Cheeky with to get the project. Hello, Peter. I should get better at hiding. Mr. David Tennant. Star of way too many shows. It's time to wake up. Ah, there he is. Looking dapper as ever. I love the new suit. Very generous. And yet, you're still going to lose. Now, have you still got those fish themes in the freezer? I am fat. I'm afraid not. I have important things to be doing, so I'll be off. Oh, no you don't. You're not getting out of it this time. Today, I will be victorious. Where's the old button? There is no need for nervousness. You're a shoe in for this. I'm not wearing shoes. Dude. Sorry. But even when I have the upper hand, I act like this. Ah, so you're actually fine. No, I'm wicking it. Yeah, I have ears, guys. Davidson, leave the room. Trouton, take a seat. Yes. This is a job interview. You expected something else? Fair boy. Who's got anything down yet? We've barely started. Sorry, start again. You're applying for the scientific advisor role, correct? Oh, I am. Very exciting. So, tell me a bit about yourself. We've known each other since the two doctors. Is this really necessary? No, no, no. Sorry. I'm Patrick Trouton, and I'm 103 years old. Not entirely sure how that works. One of the road's many mysteries. Sorry, come on. Um, I... Well, I don't know what to start with. There's so much. I basically, what I want to say, I graduated top of my class in Harvard University as well as excelled in all of my school subjects and, of course, most importantly, with multiple villains here in Doctor Who Road. You should have put that on your CV. It's right now. All that it says is, oh, this, how much do you already know about the scientific advisor role? Well, I'm so very glad that you asked that question because my answer is... The scientific advisor role is someone who Pertwee did all the time. Oh, is what Pertwee did all the time? No, he did it back in the 70s, which is, I lived then. Tendon not here. Who are you? Well, three floors up and I'm already sick of the question. Sorry, one moment. Tension, everyone. If you see a random, suited bell-end about the place, like the kind of guy who'd be cut by a terror left till, ignore him. He's just a guy from the BBC doing some checks. Let him crack on and we'll be rid of him nice and quick. Do hope that didn't wake Pertwee. Had to tiptoe round him. Bless. Yes, I remember you. You shadow-directed part two of Fury from the Deep. Oh, yes, yes, and you wrote something for me, didn't you? Writing? This guy's got up the chain of command first. Doctor in distress! Oh, what a banger! You're a musical genius. This man's evil knows no bounds. It means the world to me that you both remember. I mean, it was so long ago. It truly means a lot. Oh, and also, of course, a big congratulations to you, Colin, of your placement here at unit. Well deserved. Thank you. That is so kind of you to say. Hang on a minute. You're buttering me up for some bad news, aren't you? I need to do a thorough check through every file and item you have in storage. God damn it. My interview. Can and will continue. In fact, let's keep the fun energy going by blasting Doctor in Distress at full volume! Doctor in distress! Let's all answer his S-O-S! Doctor in distress! Nope! Nope, not taking it! No, you can't make me! This flat, but the whole stinking road. This place may be safer with that mothack gone. But that doesn't mean it's easy. I wonder if this buffoon here knows anything. Say, Smith, are you trying to give me a side quest? What? No. I mean, why would you want to leave? This place is wicked. Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! That's my catchphrase. Hands off. You actually like being here. Why? I agree that free will is. But think about all this place has to offer. I mean, there's free food, a place to live, adventure. Oh, and immortality. OK, I'll give you that last one. But is there really no way out of here for us? Not for any of us. Oh, good. Attention, everyone. If you see a random, suited bellend about the place, like the kind of guy who'd be cucked by a terror left till, ignore him. He's just a guy from the BBC doing some checks. Let him crack on and we'll be rid of him nice and quick. So cool just because they can hop from the outside world to here at their own leisure. I'm happy here, thanks, unlike you indecisive fucks. I came as soon as I heard. Did you hear? Yes, Hartnell just informed me. I didn't show up in power of the doctor. I know. I... What? All the others did. Davison, the other baker, McCoy, McGann, even David fucking Bradley. Quite the... Oh, shut up. OK. No, old chap. On top of all of that, David pissing Tennant came back. David Tennant is an attention-seeking asshole. There is a man from the BBC looking for escape routes. Well, why didn't you start with that? We need to hide this from him. At all costs. The only... Where is he now? I say, who goes there? Silvestre McCoy, the man who heard everything you just said. And is livid that he is only just now finding out. We had no idea who to trust. Like that Smith idiot I hear, he actually likes being here. If we'd have told the likes of him, he would have ratted us out instantly. Agreed. Now that representative chap is on his way up here right now. So who here is the best at spouting utter bollocks as a distraction? You know, that's a genuinely hard question to answer out of the two of you. All right. I'll do it. Cover this thing up. Now, Harry, we've got work to do. Mr. BBC, man. Welcome to the Tom Baker Years Flat. Where none could escape. Not ever. I forget how erratic you were. Now, if you'll excuse me. No! No? No, you can't start there because that's not where the tour begins. Allow me to give you an extensive tour of my lovely flat in painstaking detail starting all the way over here. It would be a crime if I did not offer you a gelatinous child. Someone's a little piggy. Sir, whenever someone calls up, I have this by the firm. So I pick it up. And I say, sorry, the line's dead. And they genuinely believe it's true. Now, on to my Doctor Who dollies. I will go through them in painstaking detail. So don't interrupt me. So we have my two Tommy boys here. One in the Ponsu's clothes. And one in my superior blueprints. It's lovely, Tom. Tom, it's lovely, but you must get on. There's also the master, of course. You know the master. He invaded not too long ago. I'm sure it's in your BBC reports. I know that face. That is the face of a collector. The lapel pin. Quite nice, isn't it? Worth a pretty penny. I don't remember what episode I wore it in. I don't know. All that I know is that it's very valuable. And, of course, my starlings. I don't have them all, unfortunately. So I would like to lodge a formal complaint with you at the BBC, whatever the fuck you are. Get them all, because they're all not. You did have some tremendous stories. Oh, and the one that started it all. Robot. Oh, yes. Well, that was never a big fan of robots. What the fuck did you just say to me? I'm going to hit you harder than I sucked in that weird green creature. After his previous experience, the doctor approached the thing with the utmost caution and thoughtfully sucked it off. This has been, ah, chef's kiss, many-feek tremendous, in fact, and I thank you wholeheartedly. Now, if you're done stalling, I'd like to know what's in the bedroom, please. Oh, I bet you would, you bony rascal. Shut up. I'm looking. No! We were wondering when you'd show up. Sex! By the way, thank you for letting me store all my funny items here whilst Amy throws her rager upstairs. I don't know why she needed me to clear up all my nerd shit, but, oh well. Oh, look. Thinking you can beat me with your eyes closed. It's working. That killer was bullshit. How are you doing that? I'm trying to concentrate. Do you mind? No! I want to win! Not on this anane game! Hey, these things aren't cheap, you know. Or you. If you're not David, then who are you? No, no, Smith. You're doing it all wrong. Allow me. Hell are you anyway? A mission to escape this wretched place by any means is necessary if you're old. And that is all you're getting! Again, thank you so much for the context. I've only ever had the footage to these incidents and never the full story, so thank you. If there's one thing I love, it's telling stories. That would explain the sign on your door. I'm thoroughly enjoying this as well, considering I was stuck inside another man for half of it. You were... What? His consciousness was inside Derek Jacobi. How on earth did that even... Wait, no, hang on, let me guess. My fat! Yes, alright. Should have guessed that. With every passing day, I thank Eccleston for his sacrifice. Now then, how about this capaldi chap? He had much grief. Oh, fucker! He was blinded by a weeping angel. However, whilst I heard he's mostly regained his sight. How on earth did that even happen? No idea. You don't happen to know anything about that, do you? What? Me? No! No, I have no idea! I'm only wee little Mrs. Badderly, so I wouldn't know at all. But if I did have to take a wild guess, it would be that he was hugged by our Cyberman too hard and he got all electricky in his retinas. And that makes no sense. Shut up and eat your plump pudding. I'm not to the chef. That must be Mrs. Pullard. B-R-B! None of us are buying that, right? Definitely not. That clearly wasn't plump pudding. No. If anything, the more he talks to people, the more he seems like just a genuinely nice guy. I'm starting to wonder if this is just a waste of time and he actually does have our best interest at heart. We can't let him slip away just yet. He'll slip up just you watch. Daychaps, I'm looking for the BBC representative. Hey, John. No, sorry. I'm afraid you just missed him. I truly hope we see him more often. You and me both. That's frail old body. Oh, come now! Us older doctors are forever in our prime! Join with me! What do you... Do it! What the fuck am I doing? I need better legs and I need them now! Not to brag, but especially when I find the shoes that fit just perfectly. Sold! Still his body. You see that cupboard there? Yes. Great. Okay. Well, thank you for coming in. I will get back to you once all of the interviews are complete. Fabulous. I shall wait by the phone. Okay, uh, Davison. You can come in now, please. Your go. Wait, hang on. You're going for this as well. What did you think I was doing here in the first place? Your interview isn't until tomorrow. Everything all right? I'm in need of something from your archive. Bit of a weird ask. This isn't a prop shop, Paul. Even though it's very much set up like one at the moment, but just, you get it. I wasn't asking the Time Lord of Victoria's. And I have a demand. Give me knockout gas. We don't actually have any. You'd think we would, but honest, no. Oh dear. Can't feel my leg. Better make something. Temporary paralysis. It's wakey, wakey eggs and... Wait, no, hang on. Are you... Ah, good-o. Wait, no, hang on. You would say that, wouldn't you? Yeah, usually. Look, the Victoria's may seem like it's gone, but it's not. It's moved. So we need to go and find it now. Hey! Tell me something only David Tennant would know. When filming Day of the Doctor, I put post-it notes all over your trailer saying how great I was to convince you to leave so I could have the 50th order myself. That was you? No, not first up to that one. Sorry, I... For years I've had this inner voice guiding me down the wrong path. Feeding my vanity. Like with the Super Smash Docks incident. Yes, exactly! I always thought my conscience was just fucked, but turns out it's just this Time Lord victorious thing that we need to stop. Oh, I see. So much is making sense now. Sort of. I'll get it. Hello there! Wait, no, bugger off! Are you infected? Um, I'm not a zombie, if that's what you mean. All right. You two are jumpy today. You! Oh, you're the representative! Yes, I remember now. It's a pleasure to meet you both. You need to get out of here! Oh, sorry, am I intruding on something? We mean the road. There's this rogue consciousness. The Time Lord victorious. It wants to inhabit your mind so it can escape and wreak havoc. It's been living inside Tenant for at least a decade. Oh, that sounded naughty. So please, I know it sounds insane, but you have to believe us and run! This morning I would have thought that was all utter bollocks, but after what Megan and Hurt have told me, yes, I shall go. Hello, doctors! Get behind us! Hello, representative. Anyone feeling sleepy? If you want him, then you're going to have to go through us with chances. Quite adorable the way you finish each other's sentences. Although I know how symbiotic you could be. Are the Sonics for anything? Best to give up now. You know me so well, then again we were together for so long. Perhaps we should be together again? Can't say I don't feel cheated. Are you sharing other doctors' bodies? What's my feelings? Oh, if you think just one is bad, check this out. I know you're evil beyond all. Good people just crack on. Ain't goody two-shoes twice! I knew I still had some control! Or are you that the victorious entity is contained in there? You know it has assured me that as long as it's not opened, then we should be hunky-dory. A buff fish. What? What? Anyway, I assume we passed with flying colors? No escape routes in sight? No, there's something being hidden by Tom Baker. He was acting stranger than he usually does. So if you wouldn't mind quarantining his entire floor, I'll be back. Ooh, but you'll need an excuse. Tell you what, say there's an outbreak of, here we go, Spectrox toxema. Once they're all cleared out, I'll have some of my men come in and coordinate all off. No one in or out except for you and I. Okay, um, yes, consider it done. Thank you. Right, I think that's everything. This is going to be a hell of a thing to write up. My report is going to take days. Welcome to Doctor Who Road. You know, I must confess, I always thought you were against us, all us in this road. You know, I thought you wanted this place shut down or something. What? No, no, goodness no. Russell maintaining Doctor Who's long and important history is my top priority. I want this place to go on safely forever. Something I can't say for the BBC as a whole. You recall Michael Grade. There's always a bigger fish as they say. Fingers crossed for no more shenanigans. See you soon.