 Have you ever found yourself wearing a mask around others? Maybe you've found yourself smiling and nodding even though you're not interested in what someone's saying. Or perhaps you even offer to help people with their plans even though you're not actually wanting to do so. Although it's natural for us to want to be liked, there may be situations where we're focused on being nicer than we really are. In this video, let's explore some signs that you're faking your niceness and why. By being conscious of these signs, you may begin to nurture genuine kindness in your interactions with others. 1. Insincere Compliments Your birthday is next week. As you praise everything your friend does and says, you hope this will encourage them to buy that birthday gift that you've been hinting to them about. Insincere intentions when giving compliments are one of the signs of faking niceness. According to psychologist Leon Seltzer, compliments can act as verbal bribery intended to benefit the one giving them. Ask yourself. Are your praises designed for others' welfare or is it because you want something in return? If your praise is calculated, you're probably faking your niceness. Teflon Interactions You are viewed as faking your niceness when you're overly agreeable. This is because you're sacrificing your own values and beliefs for the sake of pleasing others. In your interpersonal interactions, you may not communicate what you really think and instead say yes to everyone, resulting in a lack of authenticity. Licensed couple and family therapist, Azael Romanali, explains that when you want to cultivate meaningful intimate relationships, being nice can cause more harm than good. When you had your own feelings to avoid conflict, you may end up with Teflon Interactions. Relationships that are safe, but without genuine exposure or meaning. Seeking validation. Do you feel rejected or less confident when someone disagrees with you? For you, disagreement feels like a personal attack. Your failure to get their validation makes you feel upset and you believe they have a hidden agenda of disagreeing with you. Ms. Karen Hall explains that this is because of an inherent desire to want to be validated. Yet, validation does not always imply that everyone must agree with what you do or believe. It simply indicates that you receive acknowledgement, irrespective of your actions or opinions. However, seeking validation can quickly lead to approval seeking, which may appear inauthentic. I'll talk, but no action. What will you do when you read a tweet from your old school friend saying that his cat just died? Leaving that you have to respond, you then reply to that tweet, I'm so sorry that your cat has died, please let me know if you need anything. Philosopher Dr. Matt Beard explains that this isn't real kindness. Instead, it's performative niceness, with no genuine intention of following through. You do this to boost your own self-image in the eyes of others. After knowing some of the signs, let's delve into some of the reasons why you're faking niceness. Trauma. You may be faking niceness as a coping mechanism against trauma. Psychiatrist Bessel van der Kolk writes in his book, The body keeps the score. That trauma victims commonly appear subservient or agreeable to others due to the fear of conflict or the loss of control in social circumstances. In attempting to obtain the approval of others, they behave with actions contrary to their feelings or convictions. Fear of rejections. Psychotherapist Adele Wilde explains that those who fear rejection often wear a mask to hide their true selves and develop an as-if persona. They feel that showing their true colors to the world would result in rejection. They always prepare or control what they say or do in front of others. By doing that, they appear fake or unauthentic. Low self-esteem. Another reason that you're faking your niceness is low self-esteem. Researchers Leary and Kowalski note that when people have low self-esteem, they seek approval from others more often, and they're more likely to engage in impression management behaviors like faking their niceness. They believe that being overly nice will strengthen their social relationships and keep them from being disapproved of by others. Building healthy and meaningful relationships requires being honest and authentic to oneself. You may establish real connections with others and live a more satisfying life by being aware of the signs that you're faking niceness and addressing the underlying causes. If you find this video helpful, please like, subscribe and share with your loved ones. And always remember, you matter. Are you looking for a cuddly companion that brings positivity and mental wellness to your daily life? Get your very own Sai. 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