 Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Benny. There's a tough job ahead of us in winning this war, and millions of more WACs are needed to help win it. This need is real. It's crucial. And if you have menfolk overseas, this is your way of speeding their return. Enlistment in the WACs means many unusual opportunities for women. There are 239 different jobs to choose from. As a WAC recruit, you can select the Army Air Forces, Ground Forces or Service Forces. Your pay, as an enlisted WAC or an officer, is exactly the same as Army pay. You'll lead an interesting life. You may get a chance for service overseas. The uniform you wear will win attention and respect. It's the uniform of your country. You are eligible for the WACs if you're an American citizen between 20 and 49 years of age with no children under 14. And you can apply at the nearest U.S. Army Recruiting Office. Remember, this is Invasion Year. As a WAC, you can share with our brave fighting men the responsibility and the honor of winning this war. The Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes Program coming to you from the Army Air Field at LeMore, California and starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester and yours truly, Don Wilson. The crops are good this year and there's enough food to go around if we all do our part and back up Uncle Sam's No Point, Low Point food program. That means if we all eat plenty of the swell foods we can get for a few points or no points. Now, one of the foods we're asked to eat more of are cereals with whole grain food values because they're plentiful, thrifty, wholesome and they cost no points at all. All the rich Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes are two delicious cereals that are crackling full of all around whole grain nourishment including proteans, iron, niacin and vitamin B1. And don't forget that cereals with whole grain nourishment like Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes are a must for that adequate breakfast you should eat. Yes, doctors and dieticians say you should get at least one quarter of the entire day's nourishment at breakfast. So start the day right folks. Eat a good breakfast, do a better job and enjoy nourishing No Point Grape Nuts or Grape Nuts Flakes every morning. Tonight we're broadcasting from the Army Airfield at LaMoure, California. And now folks, I don't mean to brag, but I've been a radio announcer for 15 years. And a mighty good one too, Don. I know. And of those 15 years, eleven have been spent in introducing Jack Benny. How proud you must be, Don. Eleven long years. Five hundred and seventy-two weeks of introducing Jack Benny. Benny, nothing but Benny, Benny, Benny. Don. Awake or asleep, it's Jack Benny, Jack Benny, Jack Benny. Donzie boy. It's driving me mad. Don! Donzie, kiddo, what's come over you? Not any longer I tell you, I can't stand him. Quick, somebody hand me a wet towel. What happened? Don, we're at the Army Airfield at LaMoure, California and you were introducing me. Oh, oh, yes, yes, I remember. As I was saying, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to introduce America's best-loved personality, a man who is everybody's friend, Jack Benny. Thank you. This is Jack Benny talking. And Don, I was surprised, really amazed at the way you broke down during my introduction. After all, you've been with me for 11 years. I couldn't help it, Jack. It was just something that's been pent up inside of me and I've been fighting against it. Oh, well, how long has this been bothering you? 11 years. 11 years. Why, Don, I remember the day you came to me and auditioned for the job. You were so eager and enthusiastic. Well, for heaven's sakes, that was 11 years ago. When's the audition over? What? When are you going to hire me? I'm trying to force me into making a snap judgment. I've got to think it over. That's only fair, you know. Well, I'm giving him my all to make him, Jack. Either you'll have to start paying me right now while I'm walking off the show. Well, uh... I'm waiting for your answer. Don, don't rush me. My goodness. After all, I can't say... Hello, Jack. Oh, hello, Mary. You're just in time. Why am I glad to see you? Oh, Jack, what were you and Don talking about? It's not important, Mary. How do you like being out here at the LaMoure airfield, Mary? Oh, it's all right. But as I was walking over here from the PX, one of the cadets grabbed my hat as a souvenir. Well, why didn't you grab it back? I couldn't. He was in a BT-15. Oh, Mary, they, uh, they don't fly that low. They don't, huh? All I know is when they have a date with a girl, they pick their flowers on the way. Really? How do you know so much about these boys? Well, when we got here this morning, one of the cadets told me he'd show me how to fly an airplane. So he went up for two hours. Uh, did you learn anything? No, I knew how to kiss that way before I went up. Now, wait a minute, Mary. The cadet didn't take you up without an instructor, did he? That guy didn't need one. Oh. Well, what do you say, Jack? I'm waiting for your answer. I'll be with you in a minute, Don. Uh, tell me, Mary... Mary, are you as popular here at LaMoure as you were at the other camps we visited? Well, I don't know, but that handsome cadet who took me up in the airplane went for me in a big way. Really? Yeah. He wants to impress me and show me how sophisticated he is. Uh-huh. So tonight he's gonna take me to the El Patio. El, uh, El Patio? Yeah, that's Spanish. For lift your feet a little higher, you're stepping on my face. Is it, uh, oh, fella, you should see this gang. Is it, is it, is the El Patio crowded? Yeah. A private walked in there one night and came out wearing a second lieutenant for a hat. What do you know, a brass hat? Well, that's very good. That's good. For an answer, Don, don't be such an eager beaver. What's the matter? Can't you see I'm talking to Mary? But you've already talked to Mary. Now, I want a decision or else. Jack, tell me, what's this all about? Mary, it's nothing. Well, I don't know. Every time you say it's nothing, somebody sues you for it. Well... Now, tell me, what does Don want? Well... Go ahead, tell her. Well... Hello, Mr. Benny. Dennis, how are you, kid? Well, if it isn't Dennis Day... If it isn't, his underwear fits me perfectly. No, no, Dennis, when I say if it isn't Dennis Day, it's just a figure of speech. It's like a sight for sore eyes. My underwear? No, no, forget it, kid. Well, anyway, Dennis, I'm glad you're here. I really am. Thanks. Yes, sir, I'm sure glad to see you. You know, kid, I've always had your interest at heart. Gee, Mr. Benny, do you really mean that? Of course I do. And my mother said you were a louse. Your mother certainly doesn't like me, does she, Dennis? No, every time I mention your name, she calls you a louse. Well, then why do you keep mentioning my name? She tricks me into it. Anyway, Mr. Benny, I don't care what my mother says. I like you. Well, thanks, thanks, Dennis. And now, fellas... You've always been okay with me. Well, thanks, kid, thanks, thanks. And now, fellas... You know, Mr. Benny, sometimes I wish you were my father. You do? Well, that's nice. And now, fellas... So does my father. Well, I don't blame him, kid. Say, Dennis, when your mother and father have those arguments, whose side are you on? I don't know. They keep shoving me back and forth. Oh, well, you must have quite... Jack, I'm waiting. What did you say, Mary? I didn't say anything. That was Don. Oh, yes, yes, Don. Say, Dennis, it's about time for your song. What are you going to sing for the boys? This is a lovely way to spend an evening. Good. Well, go right ahead. Jack, I've waited as long as I... Don, Dennis is going to sing. Please don't interrupt him. Go ahead, kid. Take your time, Dennis. Take your time. Never, never... Go and sung by Dennis Day. That's very good. There's nothing better than listening to your voice. And now, fellas... What else can you do with it? I wouldn't know. And now, boys... Say, Mr. Benny... What? Did you hear Fred Allen's program last week? No. No, I never listened to Allen. Every time he's on the air, I put my radio out in the garden to get rid of the Japanese Beatles. Gosh, does Mr. Allen's program kill the Japanese Beatles? No, but after ten minutes of listening to it, they tap on my window, I hand them a knife, and they commit Harry Carey. Allen's is sort of a coast-to-coast flit gun. You know? I heard his show last week. And you know what Allen called you? I don't care. He said you were the Surrey with no fringe on top. That's clever. The Surrey with no fringe on top. Oh, hubba hubba hubba. You're just sore, because Fred Allen is funnier than you are. Listen, Mary, I played in Borderville with that guy, and I know just how funny Allen is. He'd start off his act by laying an egg, and for an encore, he'd hatch it. So don't tell me about Allen. All right, Jack. When he played a theater, it was so empty, the balcony came down and sat in the orchestra. Don't tell me about Allen. All right, Jack, all right. And what a hammy is for applause. In one theater, a mousecrap happened to snap shot, and he took four bows. Don't tell me about Allen. I know, I know. You said it. And now, fellas, and now, how do you like an ungrateful guy like that? Oh, well. Hiya, Jackson. What's all the excitement about? Oh, hello, Phil. Hey, Jackson, what's the Wilson laughing about? Who knows? Go ahead, Don. Tell Phil a joke. Okay, get this, Phil. Hey, Fred Allen, hold your stomach still. You're air conditioning the theater. It's supposed to be a gag, Phil. A gag? Why, my baby can think of better jokes than that, and she's only, only two years old. Remember, I figured out her age for you last week. Oh, yeah. And you know something Jackson and Alice knew it all the time. Really? Yeah. Well, well, well, well, Phil, it's a shame. It's really a shame. You know, you're such an intelligent looking fellow. It's too bad you didn't have better schooling. Well, it ain't my fault, Jackson. You see, my folks wanted me to be a great musician. A great musician. Phil, it took you five years to learn how to put a nickel in a jukebox. Well, Jack, I've never seen you put a nickel in a jukebox. Maybe not, but I know how. Anyway, look who calls himself a great musician. Oh, what are you talking about? I'm getting along all right. I'm doing as well as Harry James. You're doing as well as Harry James. Certainly, Alice is just as pretty as Betty Grable. Well, looking at it from those angles, from that angle, I, uh, I must, I must agree with you. Oh, by the way, Phil, Phil, you say you're a great musician. Just what instrument of any do you play? Are you an angler? I mean, are you kidding? I played drums for 12 years. Oh. Say, Phil, if you played drums for 12 years, how come you became an orchestra leader? I lost one of the sticks. Well, I'll... I'll give you the address of Uncle Dan's flop house in case you lose the other one, you know? Anyway, Phil, I'm a better musician than you are. At least I'm not afraid to play my instrument. No wonder. You've got the only violin in the world with a built-in foxhole. Built-in foxhole, built-in foxhole. When Jack plays, the fox comes out and takes up a collection. Mary, I had to let the fox go. He wanted a 10% cut. I can go along with a gag. Say, I'm kind of foxy myself. You're too old to be wolf-y. Dennis. Don't be mad. I don't know what it means. Well, if you don't know what you're talking about, be quiet. Now, Phil, as long as you've got one stick left, how about shaking it at your sad sack musicians and see if a... see if a band number comes out? Okay. Wait a minute, Phil. I'll take the phone. Hello? Oh, how are you? Yes, I'm broadcasting from the LaMoure airfield today for the soldiers. What? You'd like to entertain at a camp, too? Oh, sure. You needn't be afraid. Soldiers are wonderful audiences. Of course they'll laugh at you. Sure, sure. Now, you go right up there and don't be nervous. You're welcome. So long. Who is that? Bob Hope. Just one more time. Let me do the things that I used to do. Let me sit down to some people, too. One more time. Just one more time. You can ball me out. You can call me names. You let me play those parlor games. One more time. Just one more time. Eating all alone, being all alone. Making me lazy. Walking all alone, talking all alone. Driving me crazy. One more time. Just one more time. You can call me names. You can drink by gin. If you'll snap that lock and let me in. One more time. Walking all alone, talking all alone. Driving me crazy. One more time. Just one more time. Let me touch that skin I love to touch that I didn't think I'd miss so much. One more time. Time's sung and played by Phil Harris and his makes you want to go to Hanford Orchestra. Now, kids, before we go any further, in fact, I meant to tell you about this at lunch. I had the funniest dream last night. It was so realistic, and all of you kids were in it. We were in your dream? Yes, it was the strangest thing. You see, I dreamt I was an air cadet here at Lemur. And Mary. Yes. You were my girlfriend. And Phil. Yeah. You were my flight instructor. And Don. Yes. You were my pal. And heavy. Oops, wrong dream. Anyway, I was so tired, I thought... Now, wait a minute, Jack. I'm not going to be your pal even in a dream unless you give me your answer. Are you starting that again, Don? If you waited 11 years, you can wait till the end of the program. And incidentally, you've got a commercial to do, so let's have it. Until you give me your answer, I'm not doing any commercial. Oh, you're not. Well, let me tell you something, Don. If you think you're the only one that can do it, you're sadly mistaken. What do you mean? It takes years to become a good announcer. Oh, yeah? Well, I'll just pick anyone here. Hey, wait a minute. There's the bus driver, the guy that drove the boys in the band up here. He can read it. Hey, driver, come here a minute. Yes, sir. Now, driver, take Mr. Wilson's script and read what it says near the bottom of page 10. Okay. I'll show you, Wilson. Now, go ahead, driver. Ladies and gentlemen, when you get up in the morning and want a good breakfast, why don't you try grape nuts or grape nuts flakes? They're multirid sweet as a nut and both have whole grain nourishment. Very good. Very good. Grape nuts are delicious and new, new, new... Tricious. Grape nuts are delicious, new and delicious. No, no, it isn't new and delicious. It's nutritious. Oh, you know I drive a bus. I know, I know, I know. Continue. Grape nuts are a mighty trip to buy in the big well bars. That's ounce. You know I drive a bus. I know. I know you. I know. Now, go ahead. In the big 12 ounce package, they're delicious with sugar and... Well, what's the matter? I gotta turn the page. All right, driver. What's taking you so long? I always stick up my hand before I make a turn. They're delicious with sugar and cream. They're not rationed and they're very econ... econ... You know, I drive a bus. I know, I know. Now finish it. Nomical. Hmm. So remember my motto, eat a good breakfast, fast and do a better job. Let's eat a good breakfast and do a better job. Anyway, thank you very much. You're welcome. Hey, you know Mr. Benny, back there where I stuck my hand out to turn the page. Yes. That was a joke. Well, it was very clever. Very clever. Now go over there and sit down. Hey, Mr. Benny. What, kid? If you ever want a singing commercial, I can do it. A singing commercial? You can? Sure. Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. I've got a beautiful feeling that grape nuts and grape nuts, flakes with sugar and cream are coming my way. George Burns can sing it that good. Hey, that's kind of cute, though. You think it's too subtle? No, no, no, no. We'll use it sometime. Hey, Mr. Benny, why don't you tell me you wanted a song? I can do that, too. Well, look, it may be some other time, drive. Merci d'autre, sainto. Merci d'autre, sainto. Little lamb's a grape nuts, a kettle a grape nuts, too. Wouldn't you? That's fine. That's fine. With cream and sugar. That's enough. Look it. That's enough. That's so delicious. Now cut that out. Why, what's wrong with grape nuts? Nothing. I don't want to hear any more singing. Now, as I was saying, I'll get it. I hope it's a sponsor. Quiet. Hello? Hello, Mr. Benny, this is Rochester. You were supposed to be here two hours ago. Where are you? Stop on the road. I'm out of gas. Out of gas? Are you sure? Yes, sir. I just looked at the gauge. Oh. Well, where does the needle point? To the nearest gas station. Well, get some gas and pick me up after the broadcast. I got bad news on that, too, boss. I left in such a hurry. The wrong ration book. Well, there must be some way you can get the car out here. Not unless it'll run on hamburger. Never mind that and get started right away. I want you to be here when the program's over. Well, you better sit down, honey. This is going to take long with our thought. Rochester, who are you talking to? A lady who's having car trouble, too. Oh, sure. Sure, I suppose she also ran out of gas. And at the same time, I suppose she even ran out of gas in the same place. In fact, in the same car. That's what I thought. Rochester, you know you shouldn't be driving around with girls when you're supposed to be working. It was purely accidental, boss. I was getting into the car. Yes? When I noticed in the car parked behind me the most beautiful girl I ever saw. She was a home dinner. Rochester, you fall for every girl you see. But this was different. She's gorgeous. Oh, stop exaggerating. No, really, boss. It's just like looking through Esquire with smoke glasses. Stop that and get here right away. Goodbye. Oh, Rochester, where are you calling from? I just stopped in a place here to have a Thomas J. Collins worth. A Thomas J. Collins worth? What's that? A lock. Well, get out of there and be quick about it. Goodbye. Goodbye. What are you laughing at? A surrey with no friends on top. Don that rock, eh, Phil? He couldn't have used it for a chaser. I don't know. Say, Mr. Wilson, you know I'm a bus driver. Yes, yes, my good man. We all know that. And now, friends, just a word about delicious grape nuts. Hey, Mr. Wilson, could I read the commercial? Now, look, you've had your chance. Now, I'm doing it. Well, this time I can do a better job. Well, just what makes you think so? Because I just ate a good breakfast. What? Well, you can't eat breakfast at this time of day of supper time. Oh, gee, I never thought of that. Well, now you think of it tomorrow morning. Then eat a good breakfast and do a better job. And be sure to include grape nuts. Not your only. For grape nuts with that sweet as a nut flavor, that distinctive texture provides all around whole grain nourishment. One type of nourishment recommended by nutrition experts is a daily breakfast must. Yes, grape nuts are delicious, nutritious, thrifty. So, friends, if you want to be able to read commercials, eat a good breakfast, do a better job. And feature tempting, malty-rich grape nuts, an American favorite for over 40 years. I want to thank Colonel Maughan, Captain Blair, Captain Loughlin, and all the men here at the LeMour airfield for their wonderful hospitality. Good night, everybody.