 Welcome to Dare to Dream. This is Debbie Dashinger. Today, we're going to be talking about karmic relationships. And you may be really surprised about some of the parts of your life that that entails. Dare to Dream podcast has been nominated for two People's Choice podcast awards for a Webby Award and is listed in Welp Magazine as one of the top 20 best podcasts to listen to. The show is also sponsored by Dr. Dane here and Access Consciousness. They do beautiful energy work out into the world and you can find them anywhere around the globe. Go to drdanehere, H-E-E-R dot com, as well as accessconsciousness dot com. I'm Debbie Dashinger and I run a Visibility Hub. That means that I teach authors how to write a highly engaging book. And I do this through groups and I do this through private sessions. I've also got a company that takes authors books to a guaranteed international bestseller status. And the final part of my Visibility Hub is showing you how to be interviewed on radio and podcasts so you can get massive results, a big ROI for your business. If you would like to deep dive into this and you know that these are parts in your business and your being that you're ready to incorporate, I've got a free gift for you that will help you get there. Go to debbiedashinger.com slash gift and pick up your templates and your videos and your how to's so you can get started. That's D-E-B-B-I-D-A-C-H-I-N-G-E-R dot com slash gift. Today's episode is featuring Tracy Dunblazer and she is a Los Angeles based spiritual empath, Shaman and 20-time international award-winning author of many books. She is a certified grief counselor. She's multi-sensitive and Tracy's blend of intuitive information combined with different modalities. It's provided thousands of people to achieve deep healing and create the success and the peace that they seek. Tracy serves as president of the Coalition of Visionary Resources, the trade organization for the mind, body, spirit, industry. And if you'd like to learn more, her website is her name, Tracy T-R-A-C-E-E Dunblazer D-U-N-B-L-A-Z-I-E-R dot com. And with that, I welcome Tracy to the Dare to Dream Show. Yay, you're here. It's great to have you. Hello, nice to be here. Thank you for having me, Debbie. Yeah, it's a bit kismet, you know? I would say at least a month or two ago on Facebook, something passed by me, may have been a Facebook ad, but it looked like it was a post of some sort newsfeed. And it said that there were these COVR visionary awards. This is something I'd never heard of before. And I clicked, right? I don't click on a lot of things, but I clicked on that. And I, yeah, I followed up on that. And I was like, oh, this is great. There was an energy to it. I was like, oh, this is me, this is me. And I'm not sure, you know, clearly, because you're in charge of this, you know, I didn't do anything with it, but it stuck in my brain. And thereafter, I was preparing for the Conscious Life Expo in LA. And there you were. And I'm like, okay. And then you were teaching a course about business and, you know, what to do as a startup. If you're spiritual, I'm like, that's brilliant. People really need this. Yes. And so you are here now. So I have to say it started with that. Wow. Your awards and I just became intrigued. Synchronicity, right? Absolutely. And well, you know, it's the visionary awards, the COVR, the Coalition of Visionary Resources has been around for almost 30 years now. And we're a trade organization for the mind, body, spirit industry for retail stores, practitioners, anybody who participates or markets to the trade. And our visionary awards seek to show, showcase, all of the top products from the mind, body, spirit industry, including podcasts. We have a ton of audio visual from movies to podcasts to music. And then we've got products from herbal products to candles to textiles. And then we've got books of every genre, not well, not every genre, but many different topics of mind, body, spirit topics. And so it's really where people come all over the world to really to have their products recognized by the people, the buyers of the industry. I love that. So I wasn't gonna go here, but I think I have to because anybody who's listening, who just perked up hearing all those cabas and categories, where can they go if they wanna find out more, if they wanna enter? C-O-V-R dot org. C-O-V-R dot org. And what's so cool about this Tracy, like I really resonate with you because here you are this mystical person, if you will. And yet you've got this very successful business side. So this is not often that you meet somebody who has all the gifts you do and then also function so much in the award world, the book world and all of that. How does that marriage feel to you to live out every day? I mean, definitely I wear a lot of hats. I like to have my hands in everything, at least for the beginning, so I can learn how to do a task and then I can hand it off to people. But one of the, I think one of the gifts that I have in terms of doing mediumship or spiritual work is that I can break down really what seem to be complex ideas in a really direct and specific way so it's grounded and that people can receive it and then know what to do with that information. And I feel like that's what business is. Business is just breaking down your tasks into the priority. And if you are a sensitive, you know, you get overwhelmed easily, which I have definitely, I mean, there was, you know, 20 years ago I cried at the site of a computer. Now, like occasionally I have friends who will say, well, how do you do this? And I'll say, oh, you just do X, Y and Z. You know, and so I think that you have to start somewhere. And so in business, you just have to start with the first task and not worry about the rest of it. And it's the same when you were doing your shadow work or your spiritual work, you have to start somewhere and then take one step at a time. Amazing. Yeah, so you are a spiritual empath. I love what you said there and you're also a shaman. I was curious in what way are you a shaman? Well, so interestingly enough, that's, you hear my, I've got a husky over here on the side and she's wanting to say hello. We just- Hello. Hello. Are you a sensitive to? She is. I actually, you can follow her on Instagram. She's Paloma the Psychicusky. Paloma, I'm gonna be one of your fans. Yeah, definitely follow her. She's very photogenic too. So that's funny. Now, what question did you ask me? Yes, so you were talking about mediumship and all the things that you do spiritually and I was curious because I know one of the things you're listed as is a shaman. So talk about that, like, how do you use shamanism? How are you a shaman? Did someone, do you have lineage? Did someone win, et cetera? So I am everything that I am because I was born into it. I was born multispirited, which means I was me and then I had many spiritual attachments or connections. I don't know. Yeah, folks. We had a multisensitive meltdown for one moment. So thanks for hanging with us. That was like a blackout over here, like a complete blackout, which makes no sense because everything's functional. But I think when you're dealing with sensitives and some of the things that Tracy's talking about, anything's possible. So you were saying that you were born into this. You were born with these gifts, with these abilities and I'll let you take over from there. So part of my spiritual heritage is I've had many, many incarnations being a spiritual person, being a medicine person, being a healer, being a shaman. And in this lifetime, I was born with what I, I mean, most of them were my spirit guides. I had many spiritual attachments. I came into this life with about 10 other spirits and through my lifetime up until I was about 35, we all lived together. And I was very aware of myself, but I was also very aware of like, I was like, you're with someone and you're in their head. You see as they see, you feel as they feel, you relate to life, but you can still have a connection to your spirit and who you are. So shamanism is essentially doing spiritual work, spirit journeys, dealing with the spirit world and facilitating others in that. And that's what I do. I have no actual, I've not been taught by anybody other than my spirits. Got it. That sounds so interesting when you say you are aware of these spirits and being able to see through their eyes. So this is different than having personalities. This, what are these incarnate spirits? Do you know who they were and do you know what your soul contract was with them? I do. So my book, we came to talk about conquer your karmic relationships, but it comes, it's the third volume in the Demon Slayer's Handbook series, which is that right here. And books one and two, the first book deals with my spirit guides, which were five different spirit guides that came with me, specifically that I had a deeply connected consciousness with and that they were always there. And then the second book is about my past life incarnations. And so then I had some past life, they were reflections of me, but they were still living as they lived in the time that they lived. So my second book, Heal Your Soul History really addresses our spiritual history and what it looks like. So I had several enslaved people and freed slaves that I was and that I was married to and that I, a community that I connected with and they traveled with me. And so my frame of reference was to really experience that relationship to black and white in our culture. It's the same as say somebody who's black today. It's not exactly the same because there's a different historical frame of reference. But it's, so my frame of reference came from the 1800s. And then I had also a woman who was biracial and she lived and died in the 40s and she was drug addicted and she was in music. That was her gift. And so I came into this world with a very strong musical gift but then a very strong resistance to me, me singing in this lifetime, I do it, but I do it for myself really not for others because I, at this point in my life, I've shifted my relationship to the music industry but when I was younger, I was not having any of it. So those are some of the stories that I came in with that now as I completed all of them, all of those spirits have gone where they needed to go. Okay. So yes, we are gonna talk about karmic relationships. That is fascinating because I've only read that book of yours. I haven't read these other ones. So I love being able to give the listeners this massive background on you. And I wanna just flip a little bit because of what you said about music. There's a reason for this. When you spoke recently, I know you have another one coming up where you're speaking, but different subject. When you spoke recently, you talked about starting a conscious business. And I just to assist listeners out there, how can people build a sustainable, successful mind, body, spirit, conscious business? And I'm gonna tack this on for somebody like me who does what I do, my latest venture quite as a surprise to me but it was a renaissance in my life. I used to be a professional singer and actress, gave that up to do radio 15 years ago and books, et cetera. And I made a renaissance during COVID. So I now have a two-person band, Lions of Lira, and we definitely perform at gigs and ceremonies and all sorts of very conscious things around Los Angeles and outside of LA. And this is becoming a business. So how does someone like myself and my partner, anybody out there because they'd all be spiritual and conscious, how can they build a successful, a money-making sustainable business? So people oftentimes when they connect the idea of spirituality, they connect that with lack. Meaning if you're a spiritual person, then you shouldn't enjoy or indulge in money. Capitalism and spiritualism don't connect. And that's not true, that's the old paradigm. If you are a deeply spiritual person and you are full on a spiritual level, you can't have an empty bank account, you just can't. And so the idea of a conscious business is being committed, inclusive, fair, and just in your communications and you're in setting boundaries and saying, I will do this for this, it's all about negotiation. And that means you have to include yourself in that negotiation as well as include others. Meaning you have to be honest and upfront. Any time it is our passive aggression, our fear, our inhibition, all of those things keep us from being prosperous in life. Because all of that stuff that's hidden eventually has to come out. And then you have to renegotiate, right? So a conscious business is doing business step by step, taking one step at a time, bringing in the people that you need, negotiating honestly, being honest about where you're at. I have a program I call Living Radical Acceptance and it's about accepting where you're at today. If you are terrified to do X, whatever that part of your business is, then say, okay, I need to invest money in that today because I can't do it myself. I don't want to do it myself right now. And so it allows you to get straight at the heart of the matter of where you put your resources in business. And I guarantee you, no matter where you start, if you are consistent by taking small steps and achieving them, those small steps turn into one big wave of energy that when you are ready, it will help you level up and bring you the people that you need to help you level up. And so you are creating a foundation that when the time comes to go to your next level of income that your business is prepared to do that with you. Yeah, I once heard it called deal and deliver. So you tell someone, this is what I'm gonna deliver and this is the deal I'm looking for and either you shake or you renegotiate with that person or you walk away and say blessings, right? This didn't work out. But it's very important to ask for what your worth is, I think. I wanna address that because we talk a lot about worth but sometimes it's not about what you feel you're worthy of, it's what you're comfortable with. You know, if you're making $10 an hour and you're used to doing coffee shop working and then you take on a job being a practitioner and you're all of a sudden making $50 an hour or $100 an hour, that's not going to be comfortable. You might, you're gonna work less but you're not going to all of a sudden go from making $500 a week to $10,000 a week. That's just not going to happen unless you're comfortable with it, unless you grew up or were nurtured in that comfortability. So it has to do with not only what you are comfortable with managing and then how well you manage it. The better you manage money, the better you can manage that $10 you make per hour the more comfortable you're gonna be in having more money because as you know, the more money you make does not make a better life. It just makes more complicated financial issues. You gotta be prepared for. Yeah. And it's interesting, you know, the final thought on that I've heard enough spiritual people I understand about the lack part but people who are seeking other spiritual practitioners and say they charge what? Like that's crazy. This mentality of like spiritual people should give it away this which seems very pious and strange to me point of view you would never say that about a business person, right? You wouldn't say, oh, what are they crazy to ask for that per hour per session or per retreat, whatever it is. Right, and it's the same. I mean, there's a gender thing there too because they will easily let a 15 year old young man come in and make $250 a day for his construction work and then a woman is like, what? You want how much? You know, it's fascinating how we acknowledge men in our society and how comfortable it is for them for us to say, yes, that's good, make that money at that age. And we don't have that same relationship to women when today so many women are paying the majority of the bills of their household. Yes. We're the biggest spenders, that's right. The advertising and marketing caters to women because we are the biggest spenders out there. So yeah, we should be making enough so we can keep spending at the very least and because we are equal at least. And it's a very good point. And so transitioning over to this book which I really loved the weaving of getting to know you as a person, also some of the spiritual practices, some of your client's stories. So conquer your karmic relationships. I wanna start with what is the premise of a karmic relationship? Karmic relationships, first of all, karma is not punishment and reward. Karma is the response to action taken over time. And then how we simplify that as we say spiritual patterns. We incarnate with, we are born with spiritual patterns that align us with certain beliefs, certain thoughts, certain ideas, certain vibrations. That's what our spiritual karma is. And then we nurture those by our family, our environment, our socioeconomic status, everything in our physical world. So our karma is our willingness to witness in ourselves the patterns that attract to us what we find we have. And then what we choose to do with it. Some of our patterns we don't like and we'll want to change those. And some of them we'll need to invest in and nurture and embellish and expand, right? So in the book, I talk, I address everything from your spiritual relationship or your karmic relationship to food and money. That's not the basis of everything you do in life, right? And then it goes all the way to the fifth chapter which is your spiritual relationship to sexuality, creativity and the divine. So our relationship to religion is connected to our sexuality, right? Most people don't put those two together, but they are. I mean, well, religion has always put them together by making efforts to separate them or to diminish one. So anyway, so that's what I mean by karmic relationships. It's how a person deals with what is at the heart of how they perceive the world that they live in. Right, yeah, in your book you just, I wanna go down that a little more so people can start thinking along these lines. It is beloveds, it is romantic entanglements but it's also other dimensions which I thought was very cool. It's food, it's money, it's family, culture, religion, sex, death, environment. That's a lot of karma. Right? Everything is karma. Everything that we're living is a pattern that we are connected to which is why we attracted to, attract it or are attracted to it in our environment. And karma can cease at some point. There can be a shift of perception or healing and that would ultimately change our karma or our connection to something. Absolutely. I think that, so how you just said that relates to obligation. So the only difference between having karma and not having karma is that you make a choice without obligation. So I'll tell you a story which, when it happened it was really stunning for me but it's been almost 10 years ago now. Yeah, about 10 years ago. I could feel my heart was tightening and I had a dream one night and my spirits came to me and actually about a whole other set than the regular ones that I spoke about earlier. And we all sat at this table and they said, congratulations, you're done. You did it. You had a lot to do in this lifetime and you finished. So you can go now. And I had such a powerful feeling of relief and I was excited and I was like, wow, I wanted to go. And then when I woke up from that, I was like, well, but do I wanna die now or should I do it later? And what do I really wanna do? And if I don't die now, since everything that in my life I had done out of obligation, I work with other people because it is who I am and I was committed to doing it for myself and it was so all-encompassing I had to make. It was like an obligation to make it a part of my purpose. And so when I was released from all of that, I was like, well, what would you do? I said, well, you can still write the book because at that point I hadn't written the books yet and I said to myself, I don't know, would you do still wanna write the books even though you don't have to? And I was like, well, I guess, sure. So it was a very different relationship, writing the books, not because I had to because I had this spiritual drive to do so, but more so that I could do that. So about a week later after that dream, I was running and I basically all of this compression on my heart, on my chest that I had spoken of, it moved out of my body. It moved to my shoulder and then out of my arm and then I couldn't use my arm for almost two weeks. I had to train, my brain had to tell my arm what it needed to do to retrain. And then it was like I restarted. And I always feel like that, like a heart attack was probably waiting for me. And when I decided, well, I guess I could stay and this is what I'll do if I stay. So once I had that straight in my head, that energy left me so that I could repair myself and keep moving. Wow. Okay, so distinction between obligation and karma. And so you shifted things, that's powerful. Choice is power, isn't it? And in that moment, because of that dream, you re-chose. Maybe your path was going to go another way. And it made a difference. I was excited about it. I mean, I really, like I cannot tell you this relief that I felt, but I, you know, obviously it was the relief of continuing to do things feeling obligated to do them. Because when you are obligated to something, there is no freedom in that. There really isn't. A part of the obligation that we have is ultimately to cultivate freedom. And freedom is how we relate to the world that we live in. So, yeah. Interesting. One of the, you talked about the various chapters when you were unpacking all of what karma involves. And one of the chapters in your book is dedicated to the warrior's hidden motto, I am invisible. And I love that because I teach visibility. And this is exactly, you know, what I find with many of the brilliant people who come to me is that there's this element of almost always unaware, yeah, needing to be invisible. So what does invisibility versus visibility mean for the warrior versus the slayer? So, well, visibility has to do with your commitment and your choice to be seen. And to allow yourself to be seen. You can still be a warrior or a slayer and not be seen. You can be invisible. In fact, there are whole sects of good warriors who that's their thing is to remain invisible. But the idea of visibility is to release yourself of shame and guilt, right? It's only when we feel ashamed in some way or guilty in some way that the beacon of allowing other people to see our light will breed contempt, right? When we have guilt, when we have shame, that's what we feel is gonna happen when people see us. And so you, a person has to manage that and ultimately face it and reconcile it and move on from it. There is no other way. And everybody at some point will do that regarding something, whether it's in this incarnation or another. Now, when you're a warrior, the concept of a warrior is that you, your whole point in life is to seek out conflict, reconcile it and then move on from it and find another conflict to reconcile. That's what a warrior does, they war. And so when you are a slayer, a slayer has more of the idea that you come and you complete something and you finish it and you can truly move on from it. And in the book, I make this comparison between the watcher and the slayer. So a slayer is a person who's active. They're active in working through their spiritual stuff. They're active in managing their judgment of themselves and others, they're active in slaying whatever demons they have in their world. A watcher sits and witnesses for other people what they are going through. When we witness, so as a spiritual being, as a psychic, as a medium, oftentimes people will reveal their secrets to you even just on an energy level. And sometimes it's not always the way to say, you know, hey, don't cross the road at five o'clock. You know, don't do X because bad things are gonna happen. Sometimes you might witness something about someone and you don't even know the full meaning of it and you don't know the meaning of it for them. And so you hold it for them. And because you're holding that knowledge for them, you are giving their unconscious spirit permission to find a way to get to that consciousness on their own. And when they do, and if they need your help, they'll ask or they will find someone to reveal that thing to them or they will see it themselves. So being a watcher means that you witness for other people and you hold their secrets for them until they're ready to awaken them themselves. Yeah, it's a fascinating conversation because of the world we're living in today. Yes. So I just wanna volley this one over to you how important is visibility right now. And specifically, meat-wise, you and I are talking to our tribe. We're talking to the spiritual beings, the light bringers who came here out of choice and with great purpose, how important is visibility? Is that, I feel like, is that rhetorical or are you asking me that? No, I truly mean in your estimation and from all you see as a sensitive and all you know, because it seems to me from reading your book that you have this ability to, well, perceive many dimensions, including past lives and go places, certainly to assist people in that way. And then also to be able to see the world in a matrix way as a whole, what's happening without a lot of attachments. So that's my curiosity is not rhetorical, but what, how are we gonna... So I think that everyone on the planet is a light bringer, everybody regardless of whether that you consider yourself spiritual or you're an atheist or you believe we turn to dust and that's it when it's done. Everybody has the light they're bringing. And some people absolutely, when you are called to be revealed to the outside world, that's important, but it is just as valuable because there are a lot of cultures where it is not safe to reveal yourself and that light you bring. And you are just as powerful anchoring it in that darkness, in that space, but you would never reveal it in say the way you and I are talking. In my family, everyone in my family is deeply spiritual, but almost everybody except for me and my mother were atheist or agnostic. And in my ancestry, there's a lot of mental illness. So you would like the women in my family would never come out in the way that I have because it was looked at as mentally ill. And that it was my job, my purpose to be who I am, even though it was premature in terms of the world really embracing it, in my younger years, like in growing up in my family, that was never a discussion. But it didn't need to be because I was kind of self-contained. I had everything that I needed. I anchored the light, I anchored the change. I was still who I am, regardless of my relationship to that with other people. And so I think the most important thing is your relationship to yourself and your understanding of who you are. And it's smart. If you don't feel to reveal who you are to somebody, then don't. It may not be safe, but you need to be there and you are a plot point on the matrix of light that is covering the globe. And you are valuable. You're valuable exactly where you are doing exactly what you're doing, regardless of what other people know about it. That's what I feel. Yeah, and sometimes visibility is about having a voice, just saying you need to stand up for yourself or somebody else or for a value. And visibility manifests a lot of ways, including, ah, I came here with this gift. I mean, I met many people along the decades who have these gifts and they're just like, you know, it's a little bit buried because of the difficulty they perceive and allowing it to shine out in the world. So. Absolutely. The most important thing is that you, you embrace who you are and become well-versed in that for yourself. You will know when it's right and when you can find people whom you can truly be yourself with and whatever your role is, whatever your role should be. You know, like I think of, you know, Al Roker. He just won some news award and I enjoy the Today Show for like 10 minutes every day. And, you know, he's a light bringer, you know? But he's a weather guy and he's been a weather guy but he has done more for climate change and for bringing more understanding in a way that people, it disarms people because he's just telling us about the weather, right? If he professed to be a new age guy and, you know, would people listen to that? Like, you know, he's getting to a demographic and his visibility is, it's angled at a, it's marketing, it's angled at a way that people who most need it will receive it. 100%. I totally understand what you're saying because, yes, there are also those places and spaces that are mainstream air quotes where we can be us and use our gifts but there is a way to do it without needing to ever use those words but just by being it and being powerful. Absolutely. I've seen this, I've seen this a lot. So I also wanna delve into this overcoming blame like, hello, the world right now, my goodness, right? The meaning of blame. So I wanted to look up the meaning of blame commonly use words, but here's your Webster's dictionary says to say or think that someone or something did something wrong or is responsible for something bad happening. So how can countries, politics, all our relationships some of which may be predicated on blame how can they instead be shifted into something more positive and healing? I would use the word accountability but I'd rather hear your take on that. No, account, I think that it comes back it comes back to the individual. If you yourself, the spiritual understanding is that I call it the 50-50 rule. You and I are here and we're having a conversation and you're bringing 50% and I'm bringing 50% and based on the 50% that you bring it promotes or provokes certain ideas or thoughts or responses for me and the way I respond brings certain questions from you. That's how it works, right? So if you were a person in the world and you're blaming something on somebody else you have to take 50% and so you have to learn to bring your energy back to you and say, well, what am I doing? How am I being accountable? Because the more that each individual is accountable for their words, their thoughts, their feelings and then their actions, that will change the masses. That is going to change the politics. That's going to change the governments. Governments aren't gonna change on their own because I mean, many of them are criminals. Some really wanna make change and equally there are criminals because that's the lowest of the demographic that brings them to light but we need government. We need a recognition of if everybody was accountable we wouldn't need the police and we wouldn't need government but that is not what is happening, right? And so we have to stop being mad about it, recognize that, hey, okay, well, I can't control what they're doing right now but I know if I can control what I do and I change myself, my vibrations, my choices to be accountable for everything that I do that energy creates and connects with a bigger demographic of people who do that and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger until we start bringing that reflection of a government and that reflection of politics. It shifts and we're seeing that. We're seeing that over the last, I'm gonna say 20 years in politics there. People are needing more and we've been getting more and in order to go to the next level we had to choose politicians that really reflected the lowest of the least inclusive of us, right? We're seeing reflections of that now. Politicians who don't want to include everyone they only want to include them in theirs and get the most for them in theirs, right? But we have to deal with that. While there is still the illusion of racism, of race, while there is an illusion there are different races because the only different races, we are the human race, but there are other races in the galaxy, we're not quite ready for them. Otherwise they'd be here, I mean, they're here but they'd be here in a public way, right? We're getting ready for that. That's gonna be the next big thing is we're gonna start seeing a recognition of other intergalactic beings who are gonna be able to and willing to be received here. So that's, and when that happens then we're gonna have a different relationship to race and racism. But we are ferreting out the deepest, darkest, densest part of our fears in each soul and that stuff is coming up and it's being dispersed, it's being healed, it's being transmuted and transformed in every individual with whom it exists. That's what's happening, that's what you're seeing right now. And as that happens, masses are going to change, hundreds of millions of people are going to change. It's thousands of people at a time are going to change. You're seeing this ripple effect of spiritual transformation in people. That's happening now, right? And so all people really need to do is pull it back and be accountable for themselves when they feel like they've achieved that, how can they help others? How can they bring kindness? How can they anchor that light in bringing joy? Huge, this is so important what you say and even to take this into a romantic relationship or a deep friendship, I've heard of so many endings of things. So what happens when blame occurs? There is a situation within a relationship, one person sees it this way, the other person sees it the other way, never the two shall meet, the twain shall not meet and it's an impasse and there's a lot of blame going back and forth. And my experience of blame is that there's also not listening. When we listen, the heart is involved. I think it's impossible, there's listening and hearing. I guess there's a distinction there too because I know when I'm heard, it is clear someone cares about how I feel. There's some kind of empathic or compassionate experience going on, which is very important to me. And usually when we allow that, whether we're the person or we're being heard, it changes us and how we would respond to somebody. It's not all about, I need to tell you how I feel, I need to tell you what's going on, I need to, it becomes different. So talk about that level of blame and contention. So we, it's so funny. I love how the environment raises up to- I'm listening to all of this and going, this is wild. I hear it. So it's interesting, I'm doing a recording on Friday on fantasy relationships. Oh, okay. And this kind of encapsulates this thing. People get into relationships not because they want to, not because they love the person that they're with. They often do it out of obligation, out of expectation, out of fear, of what others will say about them if they are single or, you know, and I think what happened over the pandemic is people were in these relationships that weren't, they weren't compatible, they weren't prepared, they don't listen, they don't communicate effectively where both people in the relationship feel heard. And so, so many people broke up because they actually had to be around each other for the first time in maybe even decades. And here's the thing, drama equals trauma. When somebody is dramatic, they are hurting, they are grieving, they are finding ways to process the pain they feel and they don't have the vocabulary to do it. Meaning they don't know how to actually express or may not even know what they're really feeling in pain about. So when someone is in trauma, letting them be in trauma and not taking it personally, not expecting them to change it, creates a space for both people to be where they're at. And a person in trauma must ultimately recognize that they have the traumas that they do because those are their biggest teachers and that no one can do it for them. And the person not in trauma who has to witness it has to embrace that they chose to be here or not. Like each person has something to be accountable for. And if both people can be accountable, there can be room for honest communication and being heard. So many people are making so many changes right now that doing all three of those things is difficult. And you know what, if that's the case, that's okay. You don't always have to be in a relationship. We don't always have to continue in the relationships we are because they worked at one time. You know, that's a powerful thing to say, but you know, relationships, you have to continue to make them work and you have to continue to choose and agree with each other on being together. And if you can't do that, that's okay, right? Meaning both are good, but to stay and perpetuate conflict because it says something about you if you don't, you know, it's just, it's so multi-level. But again, it goes back for me, it goes back to this thing about obligation. Right. Well, I want to also put into the mix here because there are people, and I agree with you, that was absolutely why there was the demise of so many relationships suddenly were together and oh, okay, this is what's going on here, no place to run. But there's also very loving, very close relationships, but we're not often taught the skill of accountability. 12-step programs, for example, are amazing, amazing because when somebody goes in with an addiction, part of the program is to do an inventory and you take responsibility, the ability to respond to the things you have created and you make amends and then you make a living amends, not just, oh, I'm so sorry, but also here's what I'll do in the future and you follow that through, you're honest to your word, but this is not a skill that is often taught. So for those who are listening and going, ah, I'm in this situation, I don't want to be, I really love this person, but this is a problem for us. How can you give us an example of how somebody might speak to become accountable or how they might learn to look inside to figure out where am I accountable? It just seems like it's the other person. Yes. So I think that when it comes to big emotions and grief, when I, again, drama equals trauma. So if you are the person who feels the big emotions in the relationship, recognize that you feel big emotions and that your feelings are your own and claim the right to have them. You know, gosh, I'm really sorry, but what you're saying is upsetting me to the point at which I want to scream or cry or throw something. So I'm going to walk out of the room and I'm going to go do that and I'm going to come back and then we can talk about it. And I even in this book, I talk about, if you can't say that, like if you haven't figured out how to say that with all that emotion, hand signal, peace, please wait. Like you have, you negotiate in a peaceful time a symbol of what you're going to do when you can't speak, when it's too much and you need to move away from the situation, have your experience and then come back in. And you don't have to necessarily leave the room, but you can. But it has to be understood that like in this condition, I can't hear you. I'm not in a place to hear you in the condition that I'm in. And then the person on the receiving end, oftentimes when there's big emotion on one side, there's usually anger on the other side. Somebody who's refusing to feel the emotion, so they feel anger instead. They're not feeling the grief, they're feeling frustrated and angry because they're not being heard. So that's when you have to stop the situation and take a step back, move just a little bit, literally into a new physical position, we'll shift the energy in the room. And like I said, having negotiated in advance, that this means halt, I need moments. It doesn't mean talk to the hand, like there's a lot of things that we already do. This one, that one, right? There's a lot of stuff that we already do to communicate the same thing. So choose something that's kind. You know, this is the mudra of protection. That's something that you would use if you feel in danger, believe it or not. If you, I actually was, I was in New York city and I was walking, it was a Sunday evening, it was definitely, I think in the fall, so the light was low already and these two men, we were the only ones on this cobblestone street and they were coming right at me and I was trying to move away from them and they weren't letting me. And just as we start to pass, this guy puts his arm up and he comes back, like he's gonna just wail on me and I went, uh-uh, and I kept going and he was so shocked that I said, no, he went, and then he felt weird and then they went on, like they just, it moved them out of their place of aggression long enough to get out of the situation. And that's the same when we're in close combat, close conflict in our living room or in our bedroom or in the bathroom, whenever, wherever it breaks out, shifting the moment just with one hand gesture grounds what's happening without words. Because when you, when people talk and somebody's not feeling heard, they usually begin to escalate their sound, right? But when you speak a little quieter and you start saying, well, I can't talk right now because I need some moments, right? You've now just brought all the energy down into the space. So now they have to work to hear you and they can't work as hard as they want to in being angry. That's good. That's a really good tip. Yes. I so get that. Love it. Yes. Go, go, you know, and now that we're starting to be social again or, you know, somebody comes in, oh my God, I've had the worst day and blah, blah, blah. You stop and say, oh, I really want to hear about it. Tell me, sit down, tell me. So now you've given us such great tip. I love this. I even like the energetic because I know you had good energy for him to have just gotten that finger wag to push him back. So very powerful stuff. And I love the ways that we can extricate ourselves from an escalating situation. All right, so people have parted. They're gonna calm down and come back in another time. What can they do when they can wrap their brains around it? What can they do to understand? Hey, wait, where am I accountable? I'm so busy blaming somebody else for X, Y and Z. I'm not looking at myself. What am I bringing to this party? How do they even learn to figure that out? Write it out. First person, present tense, I want X. When you understand what you are looking for in a situation, you want something for yourself. I wanna feel good. I wanna feel at peace. I wanna feel safe. I wanna have enough money. I wanna like my job. I want my friends to be nice to me. I want to feel like a good person. That is always, well, with 95% of the people, they wanna, people want to, they wanna feel like they are a good person. They wanna be kind in their world. They don't want to be faced with somebody who constantly brings out the worst in them, right? So they want to manage themselves. So when you can write out clearly in first person, present tense on a piece of paper, what you want, what you need, then you can begin to recognize, well, you know, I want him or her to stop yelling at me. Okay, well, so what am I doing? Cause again, 50-50 says, if you're yelling, then I'm doing something that inspires that, right? So am I screaming? Am I crying really loud? Am I getting really angry myself? Like what? Listening to you and you're all you want is to be heard. I mean, that alone I feel could end every crisis in relationships and in the world to just truly end our agendas and our need to be heard and just let somebody speak and care about their point of view. You don't know in that point of view, you may never, but it's theirs, it's their experience. And I do, I do want to qualify this because we are talking about average relationships. We are not talking about abusive relationships for people who are victimized because if you're with an abuser, no matter what you do, it's always gonna be your fault and they don't have the ability for it not to be your fault. They don't have the understanding, they don't have the connection to that. That's not a possibility. So these are, if these things aren't working with the person that you're with and it only makes them escalate even further, then most likely you're with somebody who might have a narcissistic personality and they don't, they can't connect with anybody but someone who is submissive to them. So, and you should know that in that situation you just gotta get out. And if you need help, you need to get help to get out. In those kinds of situations, it's oftentimes the, I call it the lock and the key is so ingrained in that dynamic of behavior that sometimes we need physical force of other human beings to help bring us to another vibration to extricate ourselves from a spiritual or energetic dynamic like that. So. Got it. Thank you. Good clarification. Another thing you talk about in your book is getting in flow with the universe, which also I think is really important practice right now. Yes. So the Slayer's motto is I flow with a changing world. Can you unpack that for us? Yes. So one of the habits that I've always had since I was a child because I didn't communicate any of these spiritual ideas to anybody in my family. I visualized a lot. I learned how to sew by visualizing what I wanted to make. I would have a dream about it and then I would get up the next day and I would figure out how to make that thing. Then it changed to visualizing. What would I do if I was running and I tripped? Well, I would tuck and roll. And so I would literally, I would spend my free time visualizing these things. And lo and behold, this one day I was walking and I literally tripped and I caught myself. And then literally 20 minutes later, I turned around and I was going back the same way because I was going to pick something up and then it came back. And I came back and at the exact same place, I tripped again only this time I was going down. And so I turned in my shoulder, and I rolled across the street and ended up back on my feet. Wow. I did not, I didn't bruise, I didn't scuff, nothing. And I was over 40. So. That's amazing. Powerful. And I realized that that's, you know, I was doing all that visualization because I know that sometimes when I'm multi-dimensional, I'm not really paying attention to this world. So that was my way of being prepared for when anything happened. One time I was walking out of a doctor's office and there was a woman standing in front of me and she was very pregnant. And her husband was at the receptionists getting whatever. And she was standing by the door and I looked at her and I saw this, I saw her eyes start to roll back and I was like, oh, she's going down. And so literally she's standing in front of me. I naturally, not even thinking about it, dropped to one knee and she sat on my lap. Wow. You're right. Her husband, he was like, he's like, oh, who is this person that my wife is now sitting on her lap? Anyway, it was hilarious, but it was again, it was just when you don't judge yourself for the flow that you need to be in, when you can accept whatever happens to be going on around you, it allows you to morph into the role that can be best used of service at that time. So being in flow with the universe means being present with your body, yourself and being ultra aware to the subtle things that are going on around you. Like, I don't know that I was paying attention to this woman until spirit said, you know, like, huh. And then like I said, when I saw her eyes start to go back, she was about to faint. And so I just naturally created a seat for her. And it wasn't, and it wasn't, cause I thought about it. And if I had been afraid that how weird that would be or, you know, what are people gonna say? Or, you know, none of that even, because I was so present to what was needed in that moment, I just did it. So that's what I mean. Like we, every day, we have challenges. Every day, you know, there's something new breaks in the house. Or, you know, every day there's some new thing that we have to find a way to bob and weave with it, to move with it and surrender to that process. Sometimes those little things that happen are happening for us to prepare us to be completely prepared for something else that's coming. And because we were so in tune and not resistant, not mad, you know, the coffee machine breaks. Okay, I'm gonna have tea. You know, like it's your willingness to just go with, okay, the day is not flowing how I thought it would. And if you get to the point, and this is grief, grief, and the expression of grief is my cure-all. Because when you are trying to flow with the universe and you're getting upset and you're finding it harder and harder to do and you're getting more upset, go with that. Allow that emotion to flow through you, cry it out. And now you have these new chemicals that your heart has created to feel present, comfortable, and in a new perspective, right? So if that's what it comes down to, don't withhold that. Don't repress those tears, let them move through you because that spirit moving through you, the blocks that you have. And it's creating a space for you to hold more light and to be in a bigger flow. And if I'm ever gonna faint, I know who I want to be around. For sure, it would be you. That's genius. So where can people find you? Let's start there. Where can people find you? Well, at Go Tracy is YouTube, Instagram, at Tracy Dunblaze's Twitter, and then at Tracy Dunblazer is Facebook. I'm on TikTok, but I think I have one video someday. Maybe I'll grow up and get there more than I am now. Tracy Dunblazer, Dunblazer.com. That's T-R-A-C-E-E. Dunblazer is D-U-N-B-L-A-Z-I-E-R.com. And you'll find out all the information you need to know about me. And my books are available everywhere books are sold. And this is here. Yes, I'm sorry. I just wanted to, so this is what people are looking for. Beautiful, multi-award winning. It was a great read. I got a lot out of it. So thank you. Yeah. And the whole series, the Slayer series, right? But wait, there's more. Yeah. So Tracy, T-R-A-C-E-E. This is Dare to Dream. What are you next to Dare to Dream? What are your future dreams and goals? Well, I'm very excited because I have a new book coming out. It's called Transformative Grief. It won't be out till next year, but I'm very excited about it because I'm really, it's bringing a spiritual relationship to grief and helping people understand that grief is something that all of us must experience. And if we allowed ourselves a little bit every day, it would change how we relate to our world. When the question you said, how can we make the bigger change? How can we stop blaming? How can we be more accountable? Well, grief is it. And so it's a book on that. And so I'm really excited. I've got a lot of different connections to that. When that book launches other things that I'm doing, I'm doing a lot more keynote speaking, which I love. So I'm really thrilled. If people are in the LA area, they can come to the Conscious Life Expo on March 12th. It's a seminar series called Healing the Healers and I'll be one of the speakers there and it's gonna be a fantastic day. So I'm excited. Yeah, I'm on their list. That's how I saw that you were doing this. That's new for them to start offering this. So that's amazing. And just to clarify, because I'm trying to end the show, but then you got me curious, when this new book you've got coming out and you say to heal the blame, to heal what goes on in relationships in countries and so forth, the micro and the macro, that the grief is the key. Can you give us a couple of sentences? We're gonna get your book, but could you just give us a couple of sentences to connect that, to bridge that gap there? What you mean by grief, do you mean the unexpressed grief to hold space for people to have grief without judgment? What do you mean? All of that, but let me say this. When we cry for 10 minutes or more, it literally changes our neural circuitry. It erases the neurons on a particular neural circuitry and it leaves space for us to begin to affirm a new belief that creates a new neurons that tells our brain to feel something different. We are culturally suffering because everywhere on the globe, there are these old ancient, literally demons and these old conflicts and these old habits of expectations from people and treatment of people. It's just old, it's archaic. It's not gonna last on the planet. And the only way we can grieve that out is to allow the amygdala in the center of the brain to cry it out. When we cry, it calls on a new vibration, new light, new energy to enter our system. And that changes things on levels that we're just now beginning to prove scientifically. But it doesn't even matter. If you're gonna cry, cry loud because that calls on the new energy. It releases the old energy and it will give you a new perspective that will answer the questions you most need at that time. You're saying, how do I be accountable? If you don't know, cry it out. Stop holding on to the tears. Stop choking them back. Allow the flow of the energy through you. That's what transformative grief is and women have a cyclical experience with grief. Monthly men, I think have just a different cycle of grief. And then we've drummed it out of them. We've said, you can't feel this. It's not appropriate. It's not okay. You're weak. Man up, just get over it. Decide, move on. All that stuff. Oof. Yeah, I know. Just let it go. Oh, pooh. That's what I wanted. Or just relax. No, no. Anyway, so letting yourself feel these big emotions, it changes everything, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. And it will give you the perspective that you need at the time with what you are concerned with in that moment. Not what others are concerned with for you, but what you are concerned with, those answers are gonna, you're creating a space for those answers to come. Beautiful. Thanks for coming on the show. It's been grand. It really has. Thank you. I end the show with this quote from Dr. Steve Mariboli. For most people, blaming others is a subconscious mechanism for avoiding accountability. In reality, the only thing in your way is you. Take accountability. Blame is the water in which dreams and relationships drown. Subscribe to this number one transformation conversation. Dare to Dream with Debbie Daschinger. Leave a comment and share. I read them all. I get back to you and I adore you. Next week on the show, I am featuring Conjure Queen, who is a spiritual advisor and holistic healer. And we will be talking about the secret science of getting rich. And remember, don't just dare to dream, turn all your dreams into your reality and a quick way to get there and release a lot of obstacles and energy is to be accountable and responsible in your life. Thanks for joining us today.