 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic, men need this. They need this to fall in love with you. Really quickly, before we get started, if you're new to my YouTube channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can get notified of new content and please post a question because I do my best to read all of them and I try to respond to them as well. All right, men need this to fall in love with you. Okay, this video is really birthed out of my frustration with a lot of dating advice that many women get centered around men who are acting wishy-washy, they're acting hot, they're acting cold, they're acting uncertain, they're acting passive, they're acting slow and then they pull away. And so you're watching a lot of videos that tell you to do what's called be in your feminine, leaning back, be in your feminine power and lean back into the relationship, lean back into the relationship. First off, that just doesn't make sense to me. How can you lean back in a relationship when someone's acting wishy-washy and whatnot? It's really about leaning in but that's not what we're gonna talk about today. Now, I recognize that a lot of that conversation is centered around you gaining your power in the relationship and really, it's not even about in the relationship, it's about gaining the power within yourself, gaining power within yourself and not giving your power to another human being, okay? So just recognize that, well, and I'm a full believer of that, whether you call it feminine, divine energy whatever you wanna call that, your goddess energy, your queen energy, I just wanna call it be in your empowered energy as a human being and don't define it as a penis or vagina and what I mean to say, masculine is called man and feminine is called women, whatever you wanna talk about it from an energy standpoint, who gives a fuck, okay? So let's go back to this guy that you've been, he's wishy-washy, he's cold, he's pulled away, he's uncertain, he's passive, he's slow, he's pulled back and you go into your feminine power, great, love that but let's ask ourselves, what's causing him to do all those things? It's not you, it's him and what he needs in his life is to love himself because he can't love you unless he's loving himself. That's why I wrote my book, what the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? Ladies, this book isn't just for you, it's for men as well and if men are watching this, I'm here to invite you because here's the bottom line, ladies, he needs to love himself otherwise this relationship is gonna work, the dysfunctional aspect of the relationship from his behavior is because of a lack of healing childhood wounds, most likely, healing traumas or adult traumas that happen in his life so it's either childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas so he might have gone through a nasty divorce, he might be going through health issues, he might have stuff going on at work, he might have stuff with parents, he might have stuff with children, all of that dysfunctionality, you leaning back isn't going to do anything other than it might trigger his unhealthy emotional side which might temporarily have him lean in towards you but if he doesn't heal his stuff, you're screwed anyway so all the leaning back isn't gonna do squat because he has to lean into his own self-love, this is why I'm a big proponent for folks to do what's called the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process, you may wanna check out this book, you may wanna check it out for yourself because he can't give you love unless he's loving on himself and remember you're watching these videos because there's a dysfunction going on in the relationship, he's not this high, listen, you wouldn't be watching any of these videos if high quality guy is dating you because the high quality guy has already picked a great partner in his life and they're pursuing a relationship and he's not checking out these videos and you're not needing to check out these videos because you're with a high quality guy, you're watching these videos because you're with a guy who's got dysfunction on in his life. Now I'm here to say, and this offends a few people, but we're all fucked up, it's just a matter of degrees and what I mean to say is on some level we're all hurting a little bit, not feeling good enough, not feeling lovable, not feeling likable, we have fear of abandonment, we get triggered, that cause us to go into our caves or it causes us to be anxious and fight for the relationship because what that's saying is we all need healing and a man needs this, he needs healing before he's ever going to be able to fall in love with you. This is why a relationship is not, it's a journey, let me backtrack, your life is your journey and you get to make it however you want, you can make it an empowered journey and recognize that you might be in relationship with a guy who's dysfunctional and he may not be a good candidate to be in relationship and that's okay, but the minute we turn bitter negative jaded over those experiences and carry the heavy burden of that pain that we might have experienced, it's just gonna affect all future relationships. That's why I'm here to say be empowered with yourself because when you're empowered within yourself, when you're loving on yourself, my book, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, check out the link below to buy it. I make two bucks on the book, it's not like I'm here pitching it to make billions of dollars, I'm here to do it because I think you need to be empowered and then you need to choose a man who's also healing on himself and he's becoming empowered because he needs that before he can ever love you. You all have heard the term, how can you love another if you don't love yourself? Well ladies, how can a guy love you if he's not loving on himself? And again, you're probably watching these videos because he's not loving on himself and it's not your job to heal him. Bum, bum, bum, it's not your job to heal him. You can hold space, but it is not your job to heal him. And ladies, I know a lot of you are enablers and you go, but I see the potential, Jonathan, I see the potential of him. The bodies are piled from here to the moon and that's a quarter million miles away, okay? The bodies are piled from here, was it turned 50,000 miles away, excuse me. Bodies are piled that high of women that thought they can rescue a guy only to get burned later when he ends it and chooses another woman. But trust me, that other woman, it's gonna be a dysfunctional relationship as well. So you dodged a bullet. Choose men who are healed and if you want help learning how to vet men, that's what I do for a living. My whole coaching program is taught to teach you how to vet guys and if you're currently in a relationship with a guy and you're going, how can I vet to see if he's the right guy for me, then schedule a discovery call with me because that's my area of expertise. My area is to get inside his head so you don't waste time with the wrong guy and you can start attracting the right guys much faster. What do men need to fall in love? They need to love on themselves. Otherwise, it's a futile effort because if he ain't loving on himself, he can't love you and you know that because if you don't love on yourself, you can't love him. All right, you got the gist of where I was going. As I said, please post a comment below. I'd like to hear your thoughts. I read all the questions. I do my best to respond to some as well. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do, first giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug of self love. I'm gonna give you a big gigantic Jonathan bear hug. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone next to you and give them a hug because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day. Bye bye now.