 Hello my beautiful internet friends today. We are tackling something that I have been it's been on my list to do for like months I have never had the like guts to do it or the words to so we're gonna give this a shot today in my new background new set Can we call it that I mean like my couch that I always talked to you guys on is right there So it's not really that different so not that long ago I released a video called the worst family in America talking about the Sackler family and the opioid crisis epidemic Purdue pharma and like the real sleazy things that those companies have done to impact the rise of addiction and overdose deaths in America and I got a variety of comments on that most were amazing So thank you and then some were not great and I usually don't pay any attention to like dumb comments They happen it's part of the game no big deal But there was one that gave me pause and made me realize that maybe now would be a great time to film this if you Don't know I have been on pain management medication from the time that I was 18 in that horseback riding accident That I have when I was 13 that led to like all the ankle problems. I also really messed my neck up I also have a brain condition called a Kiari malformation I also have chronic migraines which means I get them more than 15 days a month Which means I get them a lot and they suck all those things work together I am in pain most of the time by the time I hit 18 and no one had any solutions left I tried everything and so I started seeing a pain management doctor at the time I was 20 the old medications wouldn't work and we switched the heavy hitters We switched to opiates and let's pause for a second. Keep in your mind that I was 20 When that happened moving on for the past seven years almost eight years my birthday is coming up I have been on prescription painkillers heavy-duty prescription painkillers pretty much ever since I came off of them for about a month and a Half mostly to make sure that I could we were also trying some other medications So we kind of want to look isolate at the time and see if they would work But I wanted to get off of it to see if I could live without it because I do not like being on them I do not like taking medication, but also the amount of pain that I'm in doesn't work for a living life Doesn't work for being alive doesn't work for going to work doesn't work for having Conversations or doing much of anything aside from laying in bed and crying and so that I can exist so I can sit here and talk to You so I can Be a person and want to stay alive and take the pain down because it's never actually gone I have opioids at my disposal whenever I need them. I take them when I need them I don't take them when I don't and that has always been the case But when I did that video talking about the opioid crisis and all of that I talked about how addictive they are and they Absolutely are I think if you've ever turned on the news you've probably heard about that things like Vicodin like oxycutin like oxycodon All of that they are not great for you. They are very addictive substances They come with some serious dangers a lot of people have died from them They are a tool to be used appropriately Sparingly with caution and I am well aware of that But this was one of the comments that I got and I've gotten similar comments before calling me an addict and that's fine Well, let's talk about this for a few minutes. What this person said I'll paraphrase if you don't want to read all of that What this person said is that by making that video. I was blaming someone else for my addiction Am I talking about the fact that this family and this company had lied about how addictive these substances are Along with lots of other sleazy things. I was blaming someone else for my addiction that my leg was cut off So I could keep filling prescriptions and that you can't fool an ex addict Which I guess they are and that one day there's going to be you know a wake-up call for me And there are a lot of ways that I could respond to that comment But before we get into that I wanted to talk about why I'm not addictive why I'm not an addict And here's the shocking groundbreaking answer I don't know some of the biggest risk factors for addiction I have and I had specifically at 20 when I was with a pain management doctor Who trusted me and would basically give me whatever I asked for and never asked for much just what I needed But that's another reason why they probably would have given me whatever I asked for a really big risk factor is trauma A really really big risk factor is sexual trauma Another big risk factor is like life upheaval and all of those had just happened I had just gotten out of a really abusive relationship. My community had completely fallen apart I had lost a lot of friendships. I had been raped Like life was a mess and I was a mess and it wasn't like I was overflowing with willpower at that point in my life In that book that I've mentioned before chasing the screen. There's like a longer list of you know Common commonalities that you see in people who have become addicted and it was really scary to me because I was like oh shit Like that's me. That's me in so many ways except that I somehow escaped it I don't know and let me just make something clear. I am not sitting here in any way Self-righteously being like and I didn't become an addict like yay good for me I honestly don't know how I didn't Perhaps it was because I still had some connection To a couple people who were still really there for me Maybe it was I have no idea fill in the blank, but by all statistics and definitions I probably should be and maybe part of it is just little choices Like I have often been tempted to like take a little bit more So you feel a little less dead inside or more dead inside depending on the day And I've always said no to those for a variety of different reasons But I see just about no difference between me and someone who has gone down that path So I am not sitting here being like good job Joe because I think that can happen to anyone Literally anyone and I still think it could happen to anyone like there are safeguards I have in place in my life Because I realize that I'm on very dangerous medications and that no one is above addiction and no one plans for it to happen And so there are people who I consistently check in with I have a doctor Who is a really good doctor and won't give me whatever I ask for which I'm very grateful for because yeah It can literally happen to anyone. It's not like us and them addiction sucks and ruins lives and steals years and sometimes Literally lives and that breaks my heart But coming back to a friend in this comment here has someone who has lived in chronic pain for a long time I'm very familiar with this stigma like most people assume that you're an addict when you tell them That you're taking oxy or taking Vicodin or whatever it is And then they treat you differently and then they ask you questions They don't have a right to because they haven't earned that right in your life because they're strangers And then they tell you what to do and then they preach to you like you've never done any research in your entire life Like you aren't aware that yes, of course, there's dangerous medications And yes, of course, you are looking for other solutions and you are doing other things And you don't want to be on them and like and it's just a weird dynamic and it's hard It's especially hard in like the medical community when people start treating you differently That has happened to me with many doctors and nurses when I go through my medical history And then we get to that like what I take and people get weird like the other day I was talking to a nurse I was like, hey, by the way, this one was written wrong because I've been on one dosage for three years It's never changed and they wrote it for like half as much I was like, hey, by the way, just so you know like this was done wrong So if you could rewrite that that'd be great Instantly her tone changed instantly she got super weird with me and suspicious and a little bit insulting And was like, no, like this is what it was like we're not going to rewrite that just because you're asking us to And I was like, don't take my word for it. Check my charts. Call my doctors Like I do not care that you do not trust me And it's very obvious that you do not trust me because I am asking for medication That I have had for a long time. Obviously if I'm asking for medication I must be abusing it or I must be doing something wrong What I'm saying is that people treat you different and that sucks But more than that, let's talk about how we treat people who actually are addicted who do struggle with addiction I think it speaks a lot more to that because we treat them like second-class citizens because I felt that even though I'm not addicted I have felt a tiny bit of what it is to be treated like that and it's gross like it feels gross And I've seen how people talk about addicts and I've seen how they're treated and I've seen how our justice system Deals with people who struggle with addiction and it's disgusting and the shame and the judgment that we just pour on them Is stupid and the war on drugs is a war on people who need help And I don't know about you, but I'm really not cool going to war with people who are struggling I'm on board with like trying to help them. There's no easy answer. I'm fully aware of that But rushing to judgment whether it's about me Whether you have assumptions about me and what I'm taking and why I'm taking it Or whether it's about someone else who has been addicted or struggling with that or whatever It's just not helpful in my opinion I've mentioned his book before but in his book chasing the screen Johan Hari talks about how the opposite of addiction is not being sober The opposite of addiction is connection and he has a lot of research to back that up That addiction becomes a lot easier to break When you have that human connection side note I know I am by no means saying like that is the magic solution. It's not like addiction is complicated I completely understand that but we take connection away from people who are addicts shame them We treat them like it's us against them not realizing that none of us are above it If things had gone like that much differently I would be in a very different position than I am right now And I'm not sure why they didn't and I'm grateful for that by the way one of my favorite artists He's amazing. There's a line in a Matt Carney song that goes We're all just one phone call from our knees and I that I was always stuck in my head I think it's so true Like we're literally one phone call away from everything changing in our lives And I think that same principle can be applied with this You and I are one decision from going down a path that sucks us in like addiction So instead of pretending like we're above it and judging people and shaming them and treating them like their failures and second-class citizens Let's show a little compassion. Let's give a little human connection Let's try to understand and listen as we provide effective help. I am not an expert in treating addiction I don't know the ins and outs But I do know that shame and judgment never help because I do have experience in being on the receiving end of that Quite a lot for this and many other things also to that person who said I chopped my leg off for more prescriptions Incorrect. I actually cut my leg off so it hurt less and thus far it has been effective It's been a long road, but it hurts less than my ankle did which is pretty freaking fantastic Thank you guys so much for spending a few more minutes out of your day with me here today I appreciate it more than you know. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video Bye guys